Rhapsody in Blue
by michelle3113
Summary: After a life changing event, Bella has finally made it to college. She is ready to put the past behind her and take her the first steps into her future with the help of old and new friends, but what she wasn't expecting was....Edward.
1. Chapter 1: Moving Day

**Chapter 1: Moving Day**

I knew it was her before she even opened her mouth to squeal. We'd only spoken on the phone three times but we had kept up a constant stream of communication via email. I think I would have known who she was even if she hadn't sent that picture to me last week. For one, there were no other pixie like girls standing around the front of the dorm. She looked like a dancer, only more graceful. She was petite with spiky black hair and she just radiated "I am FASHION." But what really gave it away was the wave of excitement that rolled of this girl. I hadn't officially met her yet but from our phone calls and emails, I could tell she was one of those people that, no matter what was going on in your life, you just had to smile when you were around her. She was so full of energy and life.

"Bella, Bella Bella!!!! You're finally here. I was beginning to worry."

Yep this was definitely Alice Cullen, my new roommate. Unlike most of the residents that were moving in today, Alice and I had only learned of our room assignments two weeks ago. I was on the wait list for this particular dorm. It was central to where I would be spending the next few years of my life....the Music Building. But more importantly, this dorm had 24 hour security. Well all the dorm had 24 hour security but this particular dorm got the full security update over the summer. I learned from Alice, upon our first phone call, that her original roommate, Jessica Stanley, had opted to stay elsewhere. This was spoken in a manner that I quickly learned was very un-Alice like. There was more to this story than she was telling me, and I intended to find out what was behind the venom in Alice's voice when she spoke of this person. As nervous as I was to be moving away from home and embarking on this adventure...I was excited to start...well more than that, I was ready to start over. I don't know why, but I just knew that Alice would be playing a much bigger role in my life than that of college roommate.

"Hi Alice! Sorry we got a late start this morning."

She ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck and gave me hug, which considering we hadn't officially met yet, kind of startled me, but then it just made me smile.

"What was the hold up?"she asked. But before I could open my mouth to explain, the explanation walked up beside us and stuck out his hand.

"You must be Alice. Hi, I'm Jacob, Jacob Black. I confess, I was the hold up." I thought I'd fall on the ground laughing at the look on Alice's face. She was gawking at him like he was the finest piece of chocolate cake she'd ever seen. I swear I saw a bit of drool pool at the corner of her lips. But this was the normal reaction he elicited from females....and probably a few males too. After she got her fill of him she turned those all knowing eyes on me and smirked. Yep, I knew immediately that she already had the wrong idea about me and Jacob. I had no doubt that she would soon know the whole history of Bella and Jacob but for now she'd just have to settle for the cliffs notes version.

"Uh, Alice, this is Jake. He's been my best friend since kindergarten."

"Ah, come on Bella, that's not all we are" Jake said while wagging his eyebrows at me.

Okay, so he was already being very Jake like. So I punched him in his arm. I knew it didn't hurt him but all the same when I looked up....err....down, he was laying on the ground rolling around like he was in pain. Alice stood there speechless, well almost speechless. She managed a shocked "Bella" in between her laughs.

"Okay, let me be a little more specific. Jake is obsessed with me and has been for years, he has even developed stalker like tendencies, hence his decision to attend the same University as me." At this, he jumped off the ground and just stuck his tongue out at me. Alice was still laughing but she looked confused. And Jake was still giving me suggestive looks. I knew I was going to have to give her just a little more info on us before we could continue with the days task....moving in.

"I'm kidding Alice. Jake has been my best friend since kindergarten. He also was my boyfriend for a little while, but the friend thing just works better for us." She looked somewhat satisfied at my clarification but gave me a look that I knew meant "we'll talk later."

How did I know this? I had just met her, but I had a feeling that this was just the way things were with Alice, and I had no doubt that she would get the whole story out of me one way or another.

"So what exactly was the hold up, Jake?" Alice asked in her wind chimed voice. "Overslept. Hey, I did most of the driving yesterday, I deserved the extra zzzz's." He shot a smile my direction when I started rolling my eyes at him.

Jake and I had decided rent a small U-Haul and make the drive from Phoenix to Seattle sans parents. At first, both Renee (my mom) and Billy (Jake's dad) hadn't thought to much of this idea. But they both knew how important it was for me to be able to do this on my own and since Jake is my ever present boulder, it just made sense. So we started our drive 3 days ago with the U-Haul trailer in tow. In reality it wasn't that much different from previous summers drives we had made. My dad, Charlie Swan, lives in Forks, Washington. It's roughly 100 miles or so from the University of Washington, which played a big role in my selection of Universities. Not only does he live there, but he is also the Chief of Police. It isn't a big town, not at all. Population is roughly 3,200 but he loves his job and his town. Jake and his dad Billy moved to Phoenix from La Push (the Quileute Indian reservation located 20 miles from Forks) after Jake's mom died in a car crash when he was 4. He and his family are full blooded Quileute Indian. And believe me, Jake is a gorgeous man. He is used to being gawked at and drooled over. He has dark russet colored skin and long black hair. He typically keeps it pulled back in a lose pony tail but will on occasion wear it lose, which I like best. He has just started to fill out and make the transition from teenage boy to full blown man and his smile, well it just lights up a room the minute you see it. Yep, if only it could be like that for us. But more importantly than the way he looks is just Jake himself. He is a fiercely loyal friend, which is the real reason he decided to attend the University of Washington.

"So, where are your parents Alice?" Through our two week long "get-to-know-you" sessions, one of the many things I had learned was that Alice had been adopted when she was 5 by Carlisle and Esme Cullen. She also had a brother who was the same age and had been adopted a year before Alice. They currently lived in Alaska and she had told me flat out that her and her brother were terribly spoiled by their parents. This worried me a little since I went to school with way too many spoiled kids, but she seemed to be different, up until this point at least.

"Well Esme is in Alaska. Carlisle, Edward, and I made the trip down together."

"I thought Esme was coming with you, is everything okay?" I asked.

"Oh, everything is great Bella. Two days ago, Carlisle got a phone call and was invited to interview for the position of Chief of Medicine at a hospital in a nearby town....Forks. He and Esme have been wanting to move closer to me and Edward since last year. So we figured it just made more sense for Carlisle to come down with me and Edward instead of Esme."

"Your parents are moving to Forks...Forks, Washington?"

"Well it all depends on the interview that Carlisle has in two days, but if it goes well, then yes. Why Bella, what's wrong?"

"Just tell Dr. Cullen that if he happens to get a speeding ticket while he is there, to let me know" I said while allowing a smile to creep on my face. She gave me a very quizzical look.

"My dad is the Chief of Police in Forks." Alice just looked at me and laughed while saying "It must be fate Bella, we are just meant to be friends." I was surprised that the topic of my dad hadn't come up during our talks and emails.

As usual, it took Jake a few seconds to catch up.

"So wait, Forks is going to be your parents new base of operation, well okay given that the Doc does well in the interview. That's pretty cool." Then Jake got what I liked to call 'the look', meaning he was formulating a plan. "Hey maybe we can drive down in a few weeks and spend the day at La Push before it gets too cold."

"Oh Jake, that's a perfect idea" I exclaimed. Once again I got that quizzical look from Alice. "Jake has family that lives on the Quileute Indian reservation at La Push. First Beach is an amazing place to visit. Plus you can meet my dad and get a first hand look at Forks."

Only then did I notice a very young looking blonde man standing behind Alice. He started humming 'It's a Small World.' Alice just laughed.

"Bella, Jake, this is my dad, Carlisle Cullen."

"Well it's good to see that Alice is already making friends with people who have connections, and Bella, I very well may need to take you up on the offer to speak to the Chief of Police. One of the vices all of us Cullen's have is the love of driving fast And I think it would be wonderful if you would take Alice on the tour."

"Where's Edward?"

"You know how he is Alice. Doesn't like anyone to make a fuss over him and likes to do things himself. I dropped him at the dorm and he and his roommate are moving boxes. I think he'll like his roommate this year. His name is Jasper Hale. Seems like a really nice kid."

"Dad, I'm sure he isn't a kid anymore."

"Alice, you are all still kids to me" he said smiling down at her.

"Well Dr. Cullen, it's really nice to meet you, Alice has told me a lot about you."

"Please Isabella, call me Carlisle." It was evident Alice hadn't told him about my preference of names.

"Only if you call me Bella."

"Deal."

"So Jake, I know you have to get your stuff moved in too. If you'll just help me unload these boxes I'll let you get to your new room. We'll take the U-Haul back this afternoon. "Not a chance Bella. I told your mom I wold make sure you got all moved in and that's what I'm going to do. I am here to serve my lady."

So Jake like. Alice laughed and with that we started hauling boxes to our new room. And I took the first steps into my new life that should have started a year ago.


	2. Chapter 2: Soul Mate

**A/N**: Well I hope the first chapter was intriguing enough for you to want to read more. I appreciate all reviews.

**Disclaimer**: Not the mastermind behind the characters, just the twisted mind behind this plot.

**Chapter 2: Soul Mate**

"Whew, I'm glad that's finally finished." Jake and I were on our way to drop off the U-Haul. "So how's your room? Have you met your roommate yet?"

"Yep, guy seems like a prick to me, but maybe he was just off today" he shrugged but I knew better. I could read Jake like a book.

"Aww Jake, I'm so sorry. If it weren't for me, you would have gone to the University of Arizona. Again, why did you give that up to come here with me?"

"Bella, we've been over this like a thousands times....and that's just been in the past 3 days. I've already explained it to you Bella. I know you think I'm doing this all just for you but I'm not. I'm doing this for me too."

"What did I ever do to deserve you as my friend." I just looked at Jake in awe. He was only 18 but his sole belonged to that of someone who had lived a hundred lifetimes. "It's because your so hot Bella, hate to break it to you but that's the why's of it."

"You are such a pig Jake, did you know that!"

"Oink, Oink...and luckily for me, you like bacon."

"You did not just make that joke...AGAIN!!!!"

"You know you like it. Aww come on Bella, you know why I am doing this. This is what friends do for one another. You'd do the same for me. And plus, I still owe you a lifetime of servitude for getting Lauren off my back freshman year."

"Seriously Jake. Thank you. This is going to be so much easier for me with you here. I don't think I would have the strength to do this without you."

"Bella, I'm here for you always, you know that, right? Promise me you'll let me help you if you need it."

"Jake, it's going to take a while for things to be 'right' but I know I can count on you. Dr. Leslie says I've made great progress and she has given me the names of several therapist around the area that she thinks will help me even more. I plan to start calling around tomorrow. There are two on the top of the list that she has highly recommended, if they have any openings for new patients. I have a feeling she has already made a phone call or two on my behalf. Like I said, it isn't right yet but I'm confident it will be. I'm just ready to put the past 18 months....in the past....and start on this next chapter. Jake, can you believe that we are actually starting college!!!!"

"Well technically you started last year Bells." He started using the nickname only he and my family can get away with.

That much was true. I had put off my freshman year of college, in location only. I had things in my life that had to be dealt with and living on campus just wasn't conducive for that at the time Luckily, through a lot of phone calls and having people "in the know", I was able to do distant education with the University of Washington. I was able to attend webinars and had access to all my professors through email and online lectures. I took exams at the community college that was close to my house in Phoenix. It was a little tricky with the music classes but due to my situation, the University had allowed me to focus on core classes more than the classes from my major. They usually didn't allow this type of distant education for someone majoring in music, but I had earned a scholarship my senior year of high school and the university was willing to work with me, but only after learning about the events that were keeping me from moving here last year. I'm still behind but at least I didn't lose a whole year. I may have been willing to put off the whole, living on campus college thing for a year, but I wasn't going to allow what that fucking asshole, James, put me through stop me from pursuing my dreams. I could feel the panic rising in my throat at the thought of James and I knew I had to quickly change the subject.

"Bella..."

In that one word, I knew Jake could tell what was happening. He knew the drill.

"So my prick roommate. His name is Mike Newton. He's the pretty boy type. Thinks he's God's gift. I only spent 30 minutes around him while I was unpacking my boxes and I've already figured out that our room is going to be a revolving door with the chicks."

"Well you could benefit from that too Jake." I looked at him and grinned.

"Shit Bella, you know me better than that. That is not how I roll. I can get the ladies all on my own, thank you very much" he said while grinning.

"I hope it isn't as bad as you think. You can always try to get a room transfer. I think you can do that after 2 weeks."

"I'm pretty sure that I will be the first in line when those two weeks are up. Trust me Bella, they guy hadn't been in the room 10 minutes before he was talking about how many girls he planned to 'stick it to' this weekend."

At that I had to laugh. I knew Jake and I knew he would be okay. He gets along with everybody. He just likes to put on a hard core exterior. But this Mike guy really did seem to bug Jake, but I knew he could stick it out for a few weeks at least. At any rate, it worked. The panic attack never manifested itself and I was breathing normal again. The tightness in my chest was gone and I was looking forward to the shopping trip Alice and I had planned for this evening.

She was having supper with Carlisle and Edward first and then we were meeting at the room. Carlisle extended a dinner invite to me and Jake, and as much as I would have loved to go, I knew that I needed sometime with Jake this afternoon. I assured him that I knew he would hit a grand slam with the interview so I was certain that we would be seeing much more of each other. He smiled as I told him to watch his speed while in Forks and then I left him and Alice to argue over her credit card limit. I liked him very much already.

"So, do you think the living arrangements are going to work out for you?" I couldn't help but smile. From our very first phone call, I knew that I would get along with Alice just fine.

"Hello"

"Hi, my name is Isabella Swan. I'm trying to reach Alice Cullen."

"Alice...phone call for you."

I could hear her shoes against the floor as she sprinted to the phone

"Hello, this is Alice"

"Hi, Alice. This is Isabella Swan" I only used my full name because that's how I was listed on the roommate info package.

"Oh Hi Isabella!!!! I'm so glad you called. I've been out of town so I didn't get my room assignment until yesterday. I was planning to call you tonight. Let me tell you. I was thrilled to learn of the change."

"Actually, you can call me Bella." I decided to go ahead and get that out of the way. And then I realized what she said.

"The change?" I asked.

"Well I was supposed to be rooming with another girl.....Jessica Stanley"

At the mention of her name, I heard a growl in the background.

"So do you have a dog..."

Wind chime laughter

"No, that was my brother Edward. Let's just say, he is glad I'm not going to be rooming with that bitch either."

I was a little taken aback but figured they had their reasons.

"Sorry about that" she said. "Bad blood. She was my roommate last year and it just didn't end well"

"Hey we are all entitled. I've known a few bitches too, so you won't get arguments out of me"

At that she sighed in relief.

From there we talked for almost 2 hours. I learned that she was going to be a sophomore this year and she was an architecture major, she was adopted as was her brother Edward who was pre med, her dad was a doctor, her mom owned her own design firm, and that she had a deal with her parents that she would live on campus for 2 years before moving to an apartment off campus. That lead into a 30 min conversation about how I had to move off campus with her next year. I liked her immediately. Of course, there was a lot she had to learn about me and my past before we could even think about that. I look and act like a perfectly normal college sophomore, on the outside. But the inside is still somewhat of a mess.

"But since we do have to live on campus for one more year, at least we are in the best dorm."

I immediately noticed that she included me in that evaluation.

"Instead of rooms, there are suites. Each suite has 2 rooms that are joined by a common room. Each room has it's own bathroom. There isn't a kitchen but there is one on each floor. It's not the Ritz but for a college dorm, it isn't bad." She concluded.

I admit, this made me feel so much better. I hadn't realized until she described the room, that I had been nervous about ending up with a crappy room. I was more focused on the security of the place. By the end of our conversation I knew that me and Alice Cullen were going to be just fine living together.

"Yes Jake, I think the living arrangements are going to be just fine for me. I just wish there was some way to help you out."

"Don't worry about me Bells, I'll be fine, trust me."

"Jake, I know that look. What do you have planned?" I asked in a scolding voice.

"Bells, I'm hurt. Besides, I'd never tell you anyway.....two words.... plausible deniability." "JAKE!!!!"

But by that time he was already pulling up to the dorm to drop me off.

"Wanna come with Alice and me tonight?" "Thanks Bells, but I have to get my parking pass and get some things on my schedule fixed. Call me when you get back. Maybe we can go grab some coffee. I'm sure there is an all night coffee shop around here, after all this is Seattle."

I gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek before hoping out of the car. To anyone looking in from the outside, it would certainly seem that me and Jake were in a relationship..."Love you Jake" I said as I shut the door. And I guess we were in a relationship. It's difficult to explain. We didn't have a romantic relationship, we had attempted that once but as hard as it is to believe we connected on a much deeper level as friends and even more surprising, Jake thought so too. So I guess if I had to put a title on it, best friend just wasn't enough. He was my soul mate, just not in the romantic sense. "Love you too Bells."


	3. Chapter 3: The Music Room

**A/N: **Just wanted to say a big "Thanks!!!!" to icefang7 and xtarnyax for being the first to offer reviews and encouragement!!!! The story is coming along wonderfully and I am excited about what's to come. I hope you find it as enjoyable to read as I do to write.

**Disclaimer**: If it were mine, I would be writing this while sitting on a tropical beach, watching the sunset, while drinking a sex on the beach........

**Chapter 3: The Music Room **

There was so much to do when I got to my room, just not a lot for me to do. It was only 4:00, so I knew it would be a few hours before Alice would be back and ready to shop. She had already started on a list of things that we needed to pick up. During one of our conversations over the past two weeks, she made me promise not to buy anything for the room until we could go together. I have a feeling she is just as obsessive about decorating as she is about her wardrobe, which I had also learned about during our conversations. But I was happy to comply. I'm not a frumpy person but I could definitely benefit from living with someone who had Alice's keen sense about all things that were "in" and I even surprised myself by being a little excited about it. It may be superficial but I had spent the last 18 months dealing with more than someone my age, or someone of any age for that matter, should have to deal with. So focusing on superficial things that made me feel good about myself was one of the things Dr. Leslie suggested I try to do. Well that's simplifying it quite a bit, but that's the gist of it at any rate. She thinks a boost in my self esteem will help me see myself in a different light. I started making my own list while I sat in the desk chair. I glanced around the room and realized that most of Alice's boxes were already empty. I really didn't have that many boxes to unpack. During the course of our phone conversations, Alice had informed me that she would be bring the TV, the fridge, the stereo system, pretty much all electronics. I was allowed to bring a microwave. In addition, I had my clothes, my endless collection of books, my music stuff, and not much else. So I decided to start unpacking the few boxes I had. It only took an hour. My clothes were in the dresser and the closet. Thank god we had two closets. I had a feeling that Alice wasn't used to having less than 2 closets....to herself, much less sharing one. I didn't have many hang up clothes so I figured I'd offer Alice most of my closet space as well.

My biggest problem was figuring out where to put all my books. There was a nice empty wall space between my bed and the window. I added a book shelf to my list of things to buy. So I filled up the few shelves that were located on the wall behind my desk and left the rest of the books in the boxes they were packed in. I had to reserve one of the shelves on the wall for all my sheet music. I'd been playing the clarinet since I was 10. There were very few things that took precedent over my clarinet. Not even the piano, which I had been playing for most of my life. I had neglected the piano over the last 18 months, choosing to devote most of my practice time to the clarinet, even though it was the piano I needed to work on. But the piano triggered too many memories. It had only been through months of intense therapy that I had recently been able to sit down at my piano and play a few notes. I was so relived when I was finally able to play through whole pieces without breaking down. But I was still struggling to make it all the way through one song in particular. In the past year I attempted this song often but always stopping before I could finish. Even though I hadn't been able to make it through the whole song yet, I had a feeling that would change in the very near future. I think some of that determination had to do with being in new place and starting a new way of life. I had made up my mind that James was not going to steal my dreams from me as he tried to do over Spring Break during my senior year of high school. Bad thoughts, chest tightening, shortness of breath. I could feel it coming on and I didn't want to bother Jake. I had to do better than this.

I felt very compelled to head to the music building. The panic attack was building but I knew there was one thing I had to do before I left the room.

Alice,

I'm in the music building. Sorry about the mess. Call my cell when you get back.

~Bella

No need to make my new friend worry unnecessarily. I'm pretty sure I'd give her plenty of necessary reasons to worry in the future. But even as I had that thought, I hoped that that wouldn't be the case.

So I grabbed my bag and a handful of music, not that I needed it, but it was habit. I headed out of the dorm and started toward the music building.

It wasn't until I was walking through the door of the music building that I realized that I hadn't signed up for any time. This was a lesson I learned when I tried to practice at the community college back home, always sign up for time. I was crossing my fingers that I would find an empty room since today was move in day. I can't say I was too surprised that all but one room was filled. I walked into the last practice studio, turned on the light, shut the door, and turned to face my obstacle.

I walked over to the beautiful instrument and gently placed my hand on the edge. This one was well worn. You could tell that this instrument was used, and used often.

_'I hope it's tuned.'_

This was my first thought. Quickly followed by doubt that I'd be able to sit down and actually play. I walked around the piano and hesitantly sat down on the piano bench, stopping to take a few deep breaths. Elizabeth and Katie kept trying to invade my mind, but I wouldn't allow it. Not today. I needed to be strong. I needed to play this damn song. So after a few minutes of deep breathing I could feel the tightness in my chest start to ease. I turned to face the piano with a confidence I hadn't felt in months.

I started with the usual, warm up scales, a few short pieces to loosen my fingers and to see how the piano reacted. Finally I was ready to start. My fingers were stretched, my mind was relaxed, and I felt like I would actually get through the song today. I hadn't realized that the process up to this point had taken 45 minutes. I wasn't sure how much time I had before someone would come to claim the room. I had already decided what song I was going to play and knew that it would be testing my inner strength but it was also something I knew had to be done. After 5 more minutes of deep breathing exercises I placed my hands on the keys and started to play. Debussy has always been a favorite. But one song is more special than any other. It wasn't the most difficult, didn't show off my piano skills the best, it was still my favorite but also the one song that mentally, was the most difficult. I was going to have to take this measure by measure but I was determined to make it through the song....no matter what.

As I started playing I could feel the panic rising, but I pushed it away. Instead of thinking about why the panic was starting, I focused on the way my fingers felt against the keys, about how the notes vibrated out and filled the room and my ears, felt the way this song pressed on my heart and brought utter sorrow. But I was going to get through this I was going to play this damn song. It was a personal goal I had set for myself. And I was determined to win this battle. I needed to win this battle. Half way through the song I got the strangest sensation. It felt like an electric pulse in the room that just flowed through me and calmed me. It was like an electric current. I was still in bad shape but I felt the panic attack that was just under the surface slowly start to disappear. By the time I was two measures away from the end of the song, my face was soaked with tears, as was my shirt, my eyes were red and swollen, my nose was red and running, my body was shaking, but my breathing had return to close to normal, but damn it, I was going to get through those last two measures. As I hit the last note, I let it reverberate through the room, through my hands, through my body. It was only when I heard a sharp intake of breath that I lifted my hands off the keys and took my foot of the sustain pedal. I jerked around and saw the most amazingly gorgeous eyes I have ever seen, bright green eyes. They were set in a face that was equally as gorgeous. He had a straight nose and a sharp jawline. His skin was the color of cream and his hair was a wild mess of bronze that looked like it was impossible to tame. Then I focused on his lips....soft, plump, and pink. It was then that I was flung back into the present.

_'Shit, I must look like hell. Great first impression Bella', _I internally scolded myself. And then scolded myself again for forgetting to lock the damn door.

"I...I'm...sorry, I didn't realize my time was up." I stammered, while reaching into my bag and grabbing tissue to try to clean up my face and regain a little bit a dignity if possible.

"It's okay. I didn't sign up for time. I just stopped by on the off chance that there was an open room" the stranger stated.

"That's how I ended up here. I was surprised that they were all full on move in day."

"So goes the life of those dedicated to their love of music" he cooed.

He totally got it.

There were a few moments of silence as we looked at one another. The strangest thing happened. I started feeling that same electric energy envelop the room. But as soon as it started again, my cell phone rang. I internally chided myself again, forgetting yet another cardinal rule....turn off your cell phone while in the practice rooms. Well I hadn't intended to turn it off since I was waiting on Alice's phone call, but I had intended to at least put it on vibrate. Instead Muse was blaring through the room. I hastily opened the phone to Alice's shrilling voice. Before I could even say hello she had already started the conversation.

"Bella!!!!" "Get your butt back to the room, it's time for shopping!!!!!"

"I'll be right there, I'm just finishing up. Give me 15 minutes."

"Okay, see you then."

I quickly jumped off the piano bench and grabbed my stuff. I apologized to the stranger once again and ducked my head as I walked past him, not wanting him to see anymore of my tear stained face. Once I was out of the room, he turned to look at me.

"Nice choice of music." And he gave me the most amazing crooked smile I've ever seen. "Thank you" I said smiling back and walked out of the room trying to figure out if he meant the piano music or the cell phone ring. After the door closed, I stopped to compose myself. After taking a few more deep breaths, I started back to the room, but before I could take 2 steps, I heard it. The stranger was playing the most beautiful rendition of Claire de Lune I have ever heard. With silent tears rolling down my cheeks, I got my answer. He liked the piano music I had been playing. Then it fully hit me. I actually made it through the song, all the way through. And this beautiful stranger with the gorgeous green eyes had witnessed it. He witnessed one of the most intimate moments of my life. He witnessed me turning a corner that was 18 months in the making. I wonder if he even suspected what he walked in on. Doubtful. But the look he had in his eyes when I turned around and our eyes met, there was something there. I often pictured that I would achieve this goal in solitude with no one to share it with. But whether the stranger knew it or not, he gave me a gift that day. He gave me a witness to my triumph. I hoped that I would at least be able to thank him one day.

Things were going to better. They were finally starting to look up for Isabella Maria Swan.

It was Saturday but I knew I had to tell Dr. Leslie. I pulled out my cell phone and got her voice mail.

"Dr. Leslie, this is Bella. I did it, I finally did it."


	4. Chapter 4: Shopping

**A/N: Well I am well on my way with this story. I have so many ideas, I can hardly wait to write them. I hope you are all enjoying it. Thanks so much to those that have added me to their alerts. I'm hoping to have more reviews so I'll know how the story is being received. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine, wish it were, I don't like my day job.**

**Chapter 4: Shopping**

"Sorry Alice, I didn't realize what time it was. How was your dinner?"

"Hey, no worries. I haven't been back long. Dinner was great. We went to this great Italian place, we'll have to go sometime. Carlisle is so excited about the potential opportunity in Forks. He was quite excited to hear about your connection to the town. We dropped Edward off at his dorm before heading back here. I asked him to come shopping with us....but he knows how I can be. He graciously declined." She laughed finally taking the time to breath.

"Well I started on a list. I was thinking we need to check out the common room and see if we need to pick up anything for that room too. Have you met our suite mates yet?" I asked.

"I spoke with them briefly when I came in. They were heading out to dinner. I invited them for coffee tomorrow so we could all get more acquainted. I hope that's okay."

"Sounds perfect Alice, I can't wait. Did you happen to catch their names?"

"Sure did. Rosalie is a junior design major and Angela is a sophomore biology major. They both seem really nice. I think we are all gonna work out just fine together. Oh and my dad wanted to give us a 'house warming' present so he told me to get all the suit mates together and go pick out a couch for the common room."

I guess I was looking at her in shock because she said "Bella, it's just a couch. Plus he wanted to do something nice for us all. Honestly I think he wanted to do something nice for you since you warned him about speeding in Forks" and laughed. I couldn't tell if she was playing or being serious, so I decided to just let it go.

After a quick trip to the bathroom to clean up and change clothes, we were heading out the door to do some shopping.

"Alice, I noticed you don't have anymore room in your closet. I don't have very many clothes that require hangers, so you are more than welcome to the leftover space in my closet."

She gave me a glare that I wouldn't think was possible from someone as graceful as her. Then her face lit up in the most amazing smile.

"Now Bella, do you honestly think that any roommate of mine is going to have an empty closet? Wait till I'm finished with you." She chuckled. And that scared me...and excited me a little too.

But our mission tonight was not clothes. It was bedding, bath, and curtains. I have to say, I was right when I said she was obsessive about decorating. Everything matched, but not in the 'I want to throw up at the sight of this' way. While we were shopping, I couldn't imagine how all the different things she picked up were going to work out, but they did. She wouldn't let me pay for anything, no matter how hard I argued or fought. I even snatched her credit card out of her hand one time only to have her produce another one faster than I would have believed humanly possible. I finally just gave up and started trying to figure out ways to pay her back. I knew she would never take direct payback so I had to get creative. My biggest weapon was my ability to cook. I loved to cook and loved to bake even more. I had a chance to check out the kitchen on our floor briefly before we left for our shopping excursion. I have to admit, it wasn't half bad. There were community pots and pans but I had plans to sneak away from Alice and buy a few for myself. I didn't trust the ones that were in the kitchen. In the end, all my planning for evasion was pointless. Alice had cookware on her list too. I started to suspect that she had won the argument with Carlisle on the issue of her credit card limit. Once we were finished with all the essentials for the bedroom, bathroom, and a few things for the common room we headed back to her car to deposit the bags.

I learned on the way to the mall that "her baby" was back in Alaska. Her baby turned out to be a yellow Porch 911 Turbo. Yep, they were loaded. The car she had at school was a more practical Volvo-black. She told me her brother also had a Volvo-silver. They had both been placed in storage when they left for Alaska at the end of the last school year. The Volvo's weren't need back in Alaska because they each had a second car. I didn't even ask what her brother's "other" car was. I think I was a bit afraid to find out. I'm not a car person. I don't even own a car. I hadn't since James. I'd refused to buy one. Stupid mental blocks.... But I was curious to see the "other" cars that both Alice and her brother had. I'd seen a Porch here and there in Phoenix but I'd never ridden in one. Finally curiosity got the best of me. "Alice, what is your brother's other car." "Oh, he has a Vanquish." Still I had no clue. I made a mental note to ask Jake. He liked cars. I was curious to meet her brother, Edward. Alice talked about him a lot but never with great detail. I was able to conclude from our conversations that he was a musician, loved to read, was very protective of those he loved, was very smart, and was a premed student. Except for the very smart part and premed, he sounded a lot like me. But I knew that being a premed student didn't leave a lot of time for a social life. Maybe I could use my cooking skills to get Alice to lure him to dinner one night. Even med students have to eat.

Surprisingly, it didn't take as long as we thought to get the 'essentials' so my previous thought of a no clothes shopping trip was quickly thrown out the window. To say Alice loved to shop would be the understatement of the century. The look that spread across her face when she found the perfect...whatever she was looking for....was something to behold. I've only seen that look a few times in my life...a mother looking at her newborn child for the first time and the face of the guy who realizes he's getting ready to get into his girls pants for the first time.

I also quickly realized that saying "no" to Alice was nearly impossible...okay there was no nearly to it, it was just impossible. The first time I tried she just pouted her lip out. Not wanting to upset her, I complied and tried on the outfit she picked out for me. I have to admit, it was perfect for me, not something I would have picked out for myself in a million years. I don't usually wear skirts, but this one hit my thighs in just the right spot, the shirt was a little tight but not trampish and the leggings she picked out to go with it just made the whole outfit sing on me. When I was changing back into my clothes, she quickly plucked the outfit from the dressing room and before I could get my clothes on and slip my feet in my shoes, she was already back with the outfit in a bag. God, how was she so damn fast. This went on until the mall started to close for the night. We were in our last store, which was a good thing because otherwise, I have a feeling Alice could have convinced those in charge to keep the mall open just for her own personal shopping. It was in this last store that Alice pulled out the big guns to use on me...guilt. Up until this point she would either pout her lip at me or just ignore my please of "no" and do what she wanted to do.

"Alice, I am not going to try that on. I could NEVER wear that. I don't have the....assets for that dress."

"Please, Bella. It would make me so happy to see what you look like in this. Oh and your assets are just fine. You obviously don't see yourself very clearly."

"Alice, no. I'm not trying it on. I've tried on everything you given me tonight, please let's just leave this one on the hanger."

"But Bella, have I steered you wrong all night? Haven't you liked everything I've picked out for you? Please, I'm going to buy it anyway, so you might as well try it on just to make sure we have the right size. Plus, I've never had a sister to play dress up with. You're really doing me a big favor. I love doing this stuff."

I didn't want her to spend money on something that wasn't going to fit, so once again I gave in, hating myself the whole time. Hating myself because she was spending her money on me and hating myself because, I couldn't lie, I was enjoying the hell out of it. This made me feel like a terrible person. Why was this person I had only been in contact with for two weeks and had only met today, doing all of this for me? Was this her normal behavior? I vowed to find out and find out soon.

"Okay, Alice. But only for you. I can't ever imagine a situation where I'd have the chance to wear a dress like that. But I'll try it on."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you Bella. And just so you know, I can think of several occasions that would call for a dress like this."

I was proven wrong again. The dress was absolutely beautiful and it looked wonderful on me. It actually gave the illusion that I had a figure, who would have guessed. How did she do that? Before I could open the door to give her a look, she was there with shoes.

"Alice, how do you do it? I would have never picked up a single thing that you have made me try on tonight. But everything you have shoved in the dressing room has just....I don't know....worked!!!"

"It's a gift." She gave me an all knowing smile and her eyes just popped with excitement.

That was the only response I got out of her.

So we made it back to the car with yet another armful of bags and headed back to campus.

"Alice, Thank you. I am so grateful, no one has ever done anything like this for me, but I have to know, why are you doing all of this?"

"I love projects Bella, and believe me our dorm suite is a project. It needs work." She turned to smile at me and was obviously ignoring the question I was really asking her.

"Okay, I can accept that. We both are going to benefit from what you do to our suite, but why be so openly generous to me. You hardly know me."

"I love doing this kind of stuff. Back home, I treated all of my friends like this. The Cullen's have been blessed financially and Esme and Carlisle have always liked to spread the wealth so to speak. It's rubbed off on me. Plus, I think you'll make the perfect guinea pig for my fashion experiments" she said while giggling.

There was a few moments of silence and she quietly cleared her throat. I glanced over at her and she looked....nervous, which was not an emotion I think Alice felt very often.

"Bella, this may sound really strange to you. I can't explain it but the first day we spoke on the phone, I just knew that there would be no problem with us being friends. I felt very comfortable talking with you, like I had known you for years. I got this strong feeling that you and I have crossed paths for a much bigger reason than just rooming together. Like I said I can't explain it. I just go with it." She glanced at me from under her eyelashes, hedging my reaction and still looking nervous.

After a moment of thinking about what she said, it hit me.

"Alice, I don't think that's strange at all. Until right now, I haven't been able to figure out why I'm so excited and happy to have met you, but I absolutely feel the same way. There is a bigger picture for us. Not just roommates."

I gave her a big smile, but quickly turned my head to look out the window. I didn't want her to see the pain that I knew was showing on my face.

I couldn't keep talking or I would break down. I was about to tell her that in the two weeks that we had "known" each other, the void that was left by the events of that terrible spring break was beginning to slowly fill in. No one would ever replace Elizabeth and nothing would ever take away the guilt I felt over what happened. But I honestly felt like Alice was the first person that I'd had contact with in the past 18 months that may actually be able to heal that void, instead of just making it bearable. This took me by surprise. I thought if my boulder, Jake, couldn't figure out a way to heal the void, no one would. But I guess he was and still is too close to that situation to be able to fully do the job. After all, it was Jake who was the one to deliver the terrible news that Elizabeth was gone.

"Bella, Bella...are you okay?"

I could hear Alice's voice and realized I hadn't hidden it as well as I had hoped and now I was shaking. I had to pull myself out of this train of thought now or I would have a full blown panic attack.

"Yea, Sorry Alice. I haven't eaten today. I think my sugar is a little low."

"Oh my gosh, why didn't you say something."

And that was all it took for Alice to whip into the first fast food place she saw and order me supper. Although, I'm pretty sure she knew that low blood sugar wouldn't cause someone to shake so badly but bless her, she didn't say a word. I was beginning to think that someone up there loved me a whole bunch. First I had Jake, who I knew would always be there through whatever life threw my way and now it would seem that Alice was going to be there for me as well.


	5. Chapter 5: Coffee

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read the story so far. I've appreciated the reviews I've received. Don't worry, you'll soon find out what happened to Bella as well as what happened between Bella and Jake. **

**I would love to hear your thoughts on the story so far. **

**Disclaimer: I just use SM creations to suit my twisted plot ideas. Not mine, wish it were.**

**Chapter 5: Coffee**

"Hello"

"Hey Jake, You still up for some coffee?"

"Are you kidding....Newton has already brought home the first conquest of the evening. So yeah, I'm more than ready for that cup of coffee."

"Did you get your parking stuff taken care of today?"

"Yep, car is parked right outside the dorm."

"Great!!!! Come pick me up? Alice told me about this really great cafe close to campus."

"Is she coming along too?"

"No, she's staying here to decorate. That girl is a machine when it comes to stuff like that. I'll tell you all about our shopping trip."

"I can't wait......"

"Oh come on Jake, you know I won't bore you with too many details."

"If you say so Bells. I'll be there in ten."

"K, I'll be waiting."

Alice was really sweet about the whole thing. She knew I needed to talk to Jake alone so she occupied herself with getting all of our new purchases unpacked and set up. She wouldn't even let me make my own bed. She is going to spoil me.

"Did you get up with your mom and dad?"

"Well I got in touch with my mom's voicemail.....her and Phil must be out tonight. But I was able to get up with Charlie. He said the same thing Carlisle did about it being a small world. Apparently all of Forks knows about your dads interview on Monday. Alice, I think it's safe to say that if Carlisle and Esme want to move to Forks....it's a pretty done deal."

She smiled her smile and got really excited, which meant shrieking and bouncing.

"I hope that's true. I would love for mom and dad to be closer. It was hard not seeing them often last year. I know Edward would love it too. He and Carlisle are pretty close. Edward can be kind of a loner but despite his whole 'independence' act, he loves Carlisle and Esme. They really are wonderful parents. I think Edward and I are the luckiest adopted kids ever. And yes, the most spoiled, I admit it."

"Well I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised. I went to school with some pretty wealthy kids and they were all the same....stuck up snobs. They would never give someone like me a second thought." Well that was true until that terrible spring break....after that, I got more attention than one person can handle.

"I'm not like other kids in my situation. Don't forget, I was adopted and although I was young, I remember what it was like. So I know how fortunate I am."

And in a move that surprised even me, I walked up to Alice and gave her a hug. She just had that affect on people.

"Time for me to meet Jake. Want me to bring you some coffee?"

"That would be great. Just bring me one of whatever you are having."

"Be back later, call my cell if you need anything."

Jake was waiting for me as I hopped down the stairs. Even though he sounded annoyed on the phone, one look at his face was all it took and I knew he was fine, in fact, he looked a a little smug. As it turned out, he wasn't kidding about Mike Newton's first conquest, as he put it. But luckily, the girl hadn't been as willing at Mike anticipated. Apparently, the girl got one good look at Mike's roommate and decided that Mike wasn't such a catch after all. She made an attempt, but Jake politely declined. That still didn't deter Mike. But the girl escaped shortly after Mike started groping her chest. Good for her.

"So where to my lady?"

"Alice gave me directions to the Corner Cafe. She said it's really good. Turn right at the light. So tell me, how do you like your dorm?"

"It's not too bad, but I don't really have anything to compare it to. There are 4 rooms to a suite and one common bathroom. Apparently two of the four rooms are occupied by the same people as last year. They have rules for the bathroom."

I looked at Jake with a raised eyebrow.

"Rules? Care to explain?"

He laughed.

"Well it isn't the best conversation topic, but if you insist. There are 4 stalls in the bathroom. I walked in and saw that the guys had taped numbers to each stall and there was a memo on each door. Stalls one, two, and three had the same memo....'Standing room only' and the memo on door number four...'The Throne."

Well these guys were efficient if nothing else.

"I think it's there way of keeping the traffic flowing."

"Guys..." I meant it to come out as an explanation but honestly it sounded like more of an expletive.

"Take a left at the next stop sign and the coffee shop should be three blocks up on the right."

Sure enough, there it stood. And Alice was right, it was freaking awesome. Not wanting to experiment with one of the many interesting named drinks (Mile High Club, Shot of Adrenaline, and Hump Day - just to name a few of my favorites), I opted for comfort....hot chocolate with a shot of mint, topped with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Jake got his usual as well. Plain black coffee, two sugars, with a shot of caramel.

I paid and made my way to an empty table in the least crowded corner of the room. I was going to have to tell Jake about the events of the day....all the events.

Once he sat down he beat me to the punch.

"So tell me about your day."

"Well after you dropped me off, I decided to start unpacking. I quickly learned that there are not enough book shelves in our room. Most of my books are still in boxes, but I did buy a small book shelf tonight. I got all my clothes unpacked, which didn't take long since I don't have many clothes....well at least I didn't then."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that Alice took me shopping and pretty much bought me an entire wardrobe...and put it all on her pretty shinny black credit card. I swear, those things are reserved for celebrities. You should have seen the looks the sales people gave her when she whipped it out."

"But Bella, you hate it when people spend money on you."

"Yeah, I know, but trying to tell Alice no is like trying to broker a peace deal in the Middle East...no matter how hard you try, nothing is going to give. So now instead of too much extra space for clothes, I don't have enough. Anyhow back to the original story. I got all of my clothes unpacked and put away and then I started on the task of unpacking the other boxes. I started unpacking my music stuff....."

"How long did it last, Bella?" See, he knows me like the back of his hand.

"It wasn't so bad. Actually, when I felt the attack coming on, I grabbed my bag and headed out the door....to the music building."

This shocked him more than I thought it would.

"Bella, why would you put yourself through that? I know you've tried aversion therapy but damn, to do that without anyone around and in an unfamiliar setting...."

I had to stop him before he got himself all worked up over nothing. He tended to do that when it came to matters of my mental stability.

"Jake, don't worry. I did it." I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

It took a second for Jake to process the words I had just spoken.

"No fucking way!!!" It was a testament to how monumental that was that Jake broke out the big swear word. "How Bella, you've been trying for months to play that song.

"Hard to explain. I utilized the relaxation techniques that I have been working on in therapy. It took me 50 minutes to actually start playing. I went through all my warm ups to stretch my fingers and the whole time I was mentally telling myself that I could do this. It wasn't the best rendition and I certainly didn't look very pretty when I was finished. But I did it."

Then the stranger made an appearance in my mind and I once again grimaced at how my face must have looked to this beautiful stranger.

"I must have been really motivated and focused on the task at hand, because I broke two of my cardinal rules. I forgot to turn off my cell phone but bigger than that, I forgot to lock the damn door."

I think Jake was still in shock that I actually was able to play the song that I'd been confronting the past six months. He just had a look of shock and awe plaster all over his rather attractive face. This brought on a wave of guilt. If I had only started therapy when I realized I wasn't going to be able to overcome the 'incident' on my own. I wasted almost a year trying to fix the shit myself. Don't get me wrong, I went to sessions sporadically for the first year, but it wasn't until I finally made up my mind to accept the scholarship a year late, that I decided that I needed to be a more active participant.

"When I was halfway through the song, the strangest thing happened. Something that felt a lot like electricity surged through me and although it didn't help with the tears and shaking, it did calm me down."

Once again, I felt totally embarrassed that a complete stranger, gorgeous one at that, had seen me going through a very private and triumphant moment. But more than that, I was embarrassed that he saw my tear soaked face and my big red running nose. I tend to keep the more emotional Bella hidden. Not many people get to see her. On the inside I'm insecure and I tend to keep my true emotions buried. Outside Bella is outgoing, comfortable around people, and sarcastic. While in high school, I was well known but not popular. People tend to know who you are when your name and face appear in newspapers all the time (which mine did due to all the music awards I'd received). Also, I played for multiple school events as well as community events. But I was never a popular student, never a part of the "in-crowd" so to speak. I was okay with that. I had my friends and we had a blast. But since the "incident" I'd become even more emotionally closed off. Outside Bella was still in tact, with a few exceptions. I wasn't as outgoing anymore and I was uncomfortable with men getting to close to me, except for Jake. I'd even attempted to go on a few dates over the past year and they all ended disastrously. It was inevitable that my date would try to get to close and I would nearly suffer full blown panic attacks. For some reason, I was okay around men as long as there were others around. The panic attacks only appeared when I was alone with another male. I guess the saying 'there are strength in numbers is true', I figured if I'm with a group, someone is less likely to take advantage.

Dr. Leslie worked hard on getting inner and outer Bella to meet. She told me many times that I needed to start tearing down the wall that I had built up around my emotional self. And I had really been working on it for the past 6 months. I was making progress. There was proof enough of that today. I didn't feel the first wave of panic being alone with the stranger in the music room today. I actually had a distinct feeling of calmness. But with that thought, I was thrown back into the reality of what the stranger had walked in on and what he witnessed.

I glanced at Jake and he still had a look of shock on his face, so I continued with the story.

"The feeling of accomplishment didn't last nearly as long as I hoped for. When I played the last note, I heard an intake of breath. I turned around and met the most gorgeous pair of eyes I've ever seen. Deep bright green eyes. He saw me looking like shit and quite possibly witnessed me about to lose it."

Jake was finally coming out of his shocked stupor and gave me a look that was so full of pride my chest just about burst open.

"That is amazingly wonderful!!!! I can't believe that you were finally able to do it. And on today of all days. Congratulations are in order my lady. Now I feel like a jackass, I should have treated you to coffee. Oh, and you can never look like shit Bella, you're just too damn beautiful for your own good, and you don't even realize it"

I just reached across the table, grabbed his hand, and gave it a good hard squeeze, then proceeded to punch him in the shoulder. He knew it embarrassed me when he said things like that. My insecure inner self never believed it. But Jake was forever telling me how beautiful I was. At one time we both wanted a more physical relationship, been there and tried that. But we both agreed that we just worked better as friends, or whatever it was that we were. The physical attraction was definitely there, we had no problem with that part, he is hot and for some reason he found me attractive too. We'd fooled around a little, but that's as far as it went. I love Jake but there are no romantic feelings involved. We have a flirtatious relationship but that's a far as it goes on that level. Our connection is much deeper and is much more difficult to put in words. As I often thought before, Jake is my soul mate, just not in a romantic way.

"So, are you going to tell her?" I knew he was talking about Alice.

"Yeah, I'm going to tell her. I just don't know when. She'll figure out that something is up once I start disappearing for a few hours a week at regularly scheduled intervals. I won't be able to use class, practice, or you as an excuse for too long. She's way too perceptive for that."

I took a sip of my hot chocolate which by now was hardly passing as luke warm, but it was still delicious. I was thinking of ordering two when we left, just so I could share the experience with Alice once I got back to the room.

Jake was looking at me thoughtful and again smiled at me. He was happy for me, even more so that I was for myself. But that's the way he always is. He takes more happiness and pride in the accomplishments of others than he ever does of his own.

It was starting to get late and we'd had a long couple of days and I was exhausted. I ordered two more hot chocolates (with a shot of mint, whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top) and headed back to campus.

Jake pulled up to the front of my dorm and I leaned over to give him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'm planning to cook supper tomorrow night for my suite mates. You in? I'm making lasagna."

"Hell yeah I'm in, that's my favorite!!!"

"I know." I smiled at him.


	6. Chapter 6: Nightmares Suck

**A/N: Well we are finally getting to what happened with Bella. The next few chapters will explain it all. I'll post another chapter tomorrow. I've already written the next few chapters but I want to do a little more editing before I post. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. I would love to know your thoughts. **

**Disclaimer: SM owns it......but at least I can pretend.**

**Chapter 6: Nightmares Suck**

"Get in the fucking car and shut the hell up. No one wants to hear that shit!!!!" I tried so hard to keep the sobs and screams from erupting from my throat, but it was pointless. "Since you can't seem to keep your damn mouth closed Bella, I'll do it for you!" Searing pain shot through my face and I could taste blood in my mouth...he slapped me hard across my cheek and lip. Then I heard the sound of tape being torn from the roll. He was going to put duct tape over my mouth. As he started to put the tape over my mouth, I could smell stale smoke on his breath and gun powder on his hands. I nearly threw up. Luckily my brian was two steps ahead of me. Throw up and a duct tape covered mouth only equal disaster, well more disater. But just as quick as the rational thinking part of my brian made me swallow back the bile that was threatening to come up, it disappeared. I started struggling again. I knew this was bad. "Bella stop fighting this. I'm doing this for us. I don't like hurting you but I will." When I didn't stop kicking my feet, he punched me in the stomach...hard. I couldn't breath and the duct tape was only making things worse. I couldn't suck air in through my mouth and the little air I aws able to draw in through my nose wasn't doing much good. Panic really started to set in. "Calm down Bella and I won't do that again." Then he did the most disgusting thing. He leaned into my neck and placed a wet kiss right where my neck and shoulder meet. This cannot be happening.

_Elizabeth_

_Gunshot_

_Blood_

I felt his rough disgusting hands groping my breast. I couldn't believe it, but this was the worse than being bound and gagged, he was violating me and touching me in a way that no one ever has. This was dirty, nasty, disgusting, degrading. I took myself out of this situation. Just do what he says and it will be over quicker and hopefully with less pain. But that didn't help.

Just a mere 30 minutes ago, Elizabeth, Katie, and I were on stage, performing for the scholarship committee. We were so excited to get this opportunity, well they were excited for me. This audition was set up at the last minute, last minute for an audition at any rate. Usually you have months to prepare...I had weeks. Katie's mom pulled some strings and was able to enter my name as a last minute nominee....it's always good to have connections. This was all done as a favor for me. We were all musically inclined, but I was the only one who dreamed of music as a career, well more than that, more like, music as my life. We'd been playing together since I was old enough to reach the piano pedals. The three of us all took piano lessons together although each of us specialized in something other than the piano, well except for me. I excelled on both the piano and the clarinet. Growing up, I had no life outside of music, my family, and Jake. In addition to the piano, Elizabeth played the harp and Katie played the flute. I spent the majority of my senior year of high school auditioning for music scholarships. Both of my parents had good jobs, just not jobs that paid really well. My mom being a school teacher and my dad was a cop, Chief of Police to be exact. So I was trying to find ways to lessen the cost of the college burden on them. Both Elizabeth and Katie gave up their spring break plans to help me out with the audition. They were going to play accompaniment for me on a few pieces. The audition was set up at the Catholic church that Katie and her family attended. The scholarship committee set out of sight, in the sound room that adjoined the sanctuary. This not only gave them a chance to discuss things without me hearing them but also gave me a chance to relax. I chose to start with the clarinet portion of the audition. First up--scale demonstrations. One right behind the other, all of them, major and minors. This was like second nature to me, but I was still nervous. Once scales were over, it was time for the prepared piece. I am a huge fan of Debussy, so I chose Rapsodie for Clarinet and Piano. Katie would play the piano for me and Elizabeth was going to play the harp. We loved playing as a trio. We were good at it too. We were forever playing at events, especially weddings. So this felt like a normal day for us. I dreaded the next step in the audition....sight reading. Don't get me wrong, I've been doing it for years, but I always get nervous. When I opened the folder that contained the sheet music, I realized this was a piece that I had played before. I was torn, do I just play the piece, and play it well or do I tell them. It wouldn't be fair to sight read a piece of music that I played in the past.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes Miss Swan, what it is?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I have played this before, I don't feel it would be right for me to play this piece without saying something to the committee. Perhaps you have something else?"

"Thank you for your honesty. Yes we have something else."

So another piece of music was brought to me. As is the drill, I was given time to glance over the music. I made quick marks on the page to indicate when there were key changes and time changes. After marking these changes, it was time to look for any difficult sections and try to play them through, without blowing into the instrument. This is called fingering through, but I hated saying that. Jake could be so crude sometimes. After about 5 minutes a bell sounded and it was time to play. I made it through the piece without much difficulty. I finished off the clarinet audition with a fun piece....Flight of the Bumblebee. I always prepare a fun piece just in case I'm given the opportunity.

"Thank you Miss Swan. Give us 15 minutes and we'll be ready for you to switch to the piano."

This also gave Elizabeth and Katie a chance to make adjustments to their instruments as well.

The procedure for the piano audition is just the same...scales, both major and minor, prepared piece, sight reading, and in this case, something fun to wrap it all up. For the prepared piece I chose Vivaldi's 4 Seasons. Elizabeth played the harp once again and Katie on the flute. Sight reading was up next. Again, I gave an internal groan but at least the piece the committee had chosen was something I hadn't played before. For my fun piece, I could have played one of my own compositions or picked something fast to further demonstrate my skills but I wanted to play our signature piece. We all LOVED Claire de Lune. So I asked the committee if it was okay for the three of us to play together again. They agreed and we broke into our version of Claire de Lune. Playing this song was 2nd nature for us.

"Miss Swan. Good job. The committee was pleased but there are still a few more candidates that have to audition. We plan to have the auditions wrapped up by the end of March. You will be notified of our decision no later than the first week in May. Good luck."

"Oh Bella, you did wonderful."

"I owe you both huge for doing this for me. I can't believe you actually gave up going on the annual spring break trip, especially since it is your senior year spring break."

"Do you actually think we would have let you down. This is what you've been waiting for" Elizabeth said as she pulled me in a hug. It was a known fact that I wanted to attend the University of Washington and that's where the committee I auditioned for tonight was from.

"Besides, you'd do the same for us. That's what friends are for" and then Katie cringed. She hated cliches. We of course, laughed at her and then promptly broke out into the song...

'_That's what friends are for_

_For good times and bad times_

_I'll be on your side forever more_

_That's what friends are for'_

We were a little too hyped to leave so we decided to play a little more. I played the song that I was working for our senior showcase that was coming up at the end of April. It was a piece I was composing and I was simply calling it "The Beginning." They both loved it. And I have to admit, I was pretty pleased with it myself. It was getting late and we had early plans in the morning. Since Elizabeth and Katie had given up their spring break so they could help me with the audition, I had vowed to entertain them everyday. Tomorrow was going to be a fun day...well most of it. I promised them a shopping trip. Their favorite activity was "dress up Bella." They didn't get the chance to do this often so I indulged them. Afterwards we had decided to watch a movie and then close out the day at the go cart track. Father Clearwater told us earlier he had to come back to the church tonight so he would lock up after we left.

"Can we play it one more time?" Katie asked. We knew what she was asking.

"Okay, one more time."

So one more time we launched into our favorite piece, Claire de Lune.

About half way through the piece, Elizabeth and Katie stopped playing. I looked up to see what had distracted them. I couldn't see much from behind the piano so I stopped playing and stood up. My heart dropped. How did he know where we were? I thought he was gone. There was a restraining order in place. What is in his hand? No, this cannot be happening, James cannot be here. A gunshot rang out. "Elizabeth!!!!!"

"Bella! Bella! WAKE UP!"

I shot straight up from my bed. My sheets were soaked, my pajamas were clinging to my wet skin, my hair was matted to my face. I looked at Alice who looked panic stricken and horrified. She had tears streaming down her face.

"Oh my god, Bella, are you okay?"

Five minutes later, a trip to the trash can to throw up and lots of deep breaths, I was finally able to chock out, "Nightmares suck."


	7. Chapter 7: Confessions Part 1

**A/N: First of all, I must say, Roll-Over-Beethoven rocks!!!!!! Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, comment on it, as well as pointing others in this direction. Finally, we are getting to what happened with Bella. Chapters 7-9 will reveal all. Please let me know what you think. I love the reviews I'm getting. So without further ado......**

**Chapter 7: Confessions Part 1**

Alice was so upset. She didn't know what was going on. After she stopped crying she told me I woke her up screaming in my sleep.

"You were saying 'no James stop, please just stop'. And you started screaming the name 'Elizabeth' over and over."

I knew I talked in my sleep, which was another reason I knew I would have to confess to Alice about what happened to me. This was a dream I had often, although the frequency and intensity had been lessening over the past two months. At the beginning, they weren't just nightmares, but rather night terrors. At least you could be woken up from a nightmare...when I would have night terrors, no one could wake me up. My mom and even Jake on occasions, could only sit by my bed and wait for it to pass. It was torture on them both. I was starting to get a headache, so Alice made me take some Tylenol. I made the decision to just go ahead and get this over with, I was going to confess all to Alice tonight. There was no way either of us were going back to sleep right now anyway.

"Alice. There are some things I need to tell you about myself, about my past, my recent past. The reason I deferred my scholarship for a year."

She curled up in a blanket on the end of my bed while I hugged a blanket around me with my knees pulled up to my chest.

"I didn't want to burden you with this at all, but I knew I would eventually have to tell you. I was just hoping I could put it off for a while. But my sleep talking, err, in this case sleep screaming, is pushing me to do this now." So I started telling her about the nightmare I had. I had to take a few deep breaths where I got to the part in the dream where Alice had managed to wake me up. After my hands stopped shaking, I continued.

"After Katie and I realized that Elizabeth had been shot, we started to go crazy. But James quickly took control over us. He told us if we didn't calm down, he'd shoot us too. I could tell that Elizabeth was breathing but she was in bad shape. The bullet went right through her chest. I was hoping and praying that Father Clearwater would come back to lock up but then I just wanted him to stay away so he wouldn't get hurt either. After shooting Elizabeth, James ran up to the stage. He made me tie up Katie's wrist, keeping his gun pointed at my head the entire time."

I took a couple of deep breaths and closed my eye, immediately I was back on that stage in the middle of this beautiful church.

"James, why are you doing this? You know you aren't allowed to be around me."

He looked at me and laughed. His eyes were so cold and his voice was like steel.

"You think a stupid fucking piece of paper is going to keep me away from you baby? You know me better than that. I will always come back for what is mine. And make no mistake Miss Swan....you ARE MINE. No one will ever want you after I'm finished with you."

I met James at a baseball game last fall. My moms boyfriend, Phil, works as trainer for a minor league baseball team in Phoenix. I'm not big on sports so I never really kept up with the teams he worked for. But I did go to the games with my mom, after she guilted me into it. So one Sunday afternoon, I decided that after weeks of begging, I would give in to my mom and go with her. Once we got to the game and got the customary hot dogs and popcorn, we took our seats. Throughout the game, I noticed that a guy, probably in his early 20's, kept staring at me. He had shaggy blond hair and grey eyes. He had the build of a baseball player, which ironically enough, I typically loved. Hey, I don't have to like the sport to admire the players. But even with the body type that I found attractive, I couldn't help but feel scared of this guy. He was sitting a few rows away from me. He kept turning around in his seat and would just gaze. Eventually, when it was pretty obvious that this was not a sell out game, he made his way up to the same row me and my mom were sitting in. He took a seat that was on the end of the row. He kept leaning forward on his knees and would slowly turn his head and just stare at me. But it was more than staring that disturbed me out. I glanced in his direction one time and he made eye contact with me, and I felt sick and dirty. His eyes were not right. They didn't show any humanity, just rage and lust. Yep, he definitely scared me. I told my mom about it and she agreed that he was doing more than just admiring a pretty young lady. She was able to get Phil's attention and he walked over to where we were sitting and I told him about the strange guy. Phil didn't like the looks of him either. But there wasn't much we could do since he hadn't touched, approached, or even spoken to us. I was getting extremely paranoid and finally asked my mom if we could leave early. She didn't hesitate at all.

After we left the game, I was feeling extremely paranoid. I couldn't sit still in the car and I started scanning the street, the cars in front and behind us, just to see if there were any reasons for my paranoia. Well as it turned out, there was plenty of cause. I noticed that every time I looked up, I could see a red mustang reflected in the passenger side mirror.

"Mom, I think someone is following us"

"Oh don't be silly Bella. No more mystery novels for you." She always liked to blame the books I was reading at the time for my feelings and actions.

But I wasn't paranoid, I was right. We pulled up to our house and had a few minutes of mother/daughter time while sitting in the car (listening to angry chick music and singing to the top of our lungs, this time it was Hole, and oldie but a goodie). After we had thoroughly assaulted our vocal cords, we got out of the car and started towards the house. It was then I noticed a car parked at the curb across from my house...a red mustang.

"Mom, get in the house now and call 911!!!"

"Bella honey, what's wrong."

"Just do it mom, I'm right behind you."

Once inside I grabbed the phone from my mom

"911" said the nice calm voice "Do you have an emergency?"

"I think my mom and I were followed home. Can you send an officer to 3113 Mackenzie Lane? There is a red Mustang parked across the street from our house."

"Yes Ma'am, there are officers in route."

I walked to the living room and peeked out of the curtains. The car was still there and leaning against the door, staring at our house, was the same guy from the ballpark.

"There is a guy standing by the car. He is around 6"2 and has shaggy blond hair that is pulled back into a ponytail. This same guy was at the ballpark today and he was staring at me the entire day. He gave me the creeps."

"Don't approach him. Stay in the house and don't open the door if he knocks. The police should be there in less than three minutes."

Three minutes later, there were officers in front of my house. I watched as they questioned the guy. He made several gestures towards my house and finally just threw his hands up in the air. He got in his car and drove away, leaving marks on the street as he did. The police then came inside and talked to us. I told them about the ballpark. We learned that his name was James Cam. He had been arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and attempted rape two years ago. He was 21 years old. This scared the shit out of both my mother and me. Not only is he violent but now he knows where we live. This James guy told the cops that he was my boyfriend and that my parents wouldn't let us see each other. He was waiting outside so he could talk to me when I left the house. I told the officers (Officer Marks and Officer Van) in no uncertain terms that I had never met the guy, had never spoken to him before, and he was most definitely not my boyfriend. I was told to stay very aware of my surroundings. They each gave me their direct phone numbers and told me to call them immediately if I saw James. Before leaving, I was given two cans of pepper spray and was told to keep them with me at all times. Of course, Chief Swan was informed and stayed in contact with Officer Marks and Van as well.

Since James had not approached me or harmed me in anyway, there wasn't much else the officers could do. My mom called Phil and told him what was going on. He decided to pack a bag and come stay the night with us. We started a new routine that night, checking all the windows and doors before bed. My mom also had a security system installed the next day. Phil started staying over more, which was fine by me. I was going to be leaving for college at the end of the school year and I had hopes that they would make things more official. Officers Marks and Van called every few days to check on things and of course Chief Swan called everyday, sometimes even as much as three times a day. He even asked me to move to Forks...can we say overprotective dad?

Roughly two weeks later, Jake and I were walking to the parking lot after school talking about our plans for the weekend. Thoughts of James were never far from my mind. I went on with normal everyday activities, but I was still in a constant state of...well I didn't know what to call it. It wasn't panic, more like dread. I knew we'd be hearing from this guy again.

"So Bella, you up for some paintball this weekend?"

"Will you stop bugging me if I go?" Jake was always trying to get me to participate in activities that didn't center on music. He said my inner teenager needed to have some fun too. He always joked that I was a 35 year old.

"I promise if you go, I will stop bugging you. I'll even give you a free shot at me!"

"Are Embry and Quil tagging along?"

"Well I was going to ask them, if it's okay with you."

"Sounds great. I'll invited Elizabeth and Katie. Girls vs Guys. Loser buys lunch."

"You're going down Swan, I'll even give you two free shots."

"Throw in a free smack to the back of the head and we have ourselves a deal. Oh and Jake, next week we are going to attempt to loosen up your inner feminine side...art show!!!!"

We were both laughing and grimacing at the same time now. Jake was in the process of swinging me onto his back for the traditional piggyback to the parking lot when my body tensed so much that Jake dropped me. As he was bending down to pick me up he knew instantly that something was wrong.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you hurt? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to drop you." But all I could do was point to the street and utter one word..."James."

I saw James sitting in his car across from the school. I immediately reached for my cell phone and hit #2. That was Officer Marks speed dial. He picked up on the second ring.

"Officer Marks, this is Bella Swan. James Cam is parked in his car across from my school. What should I do?"

"Bella, I want you to turn around and go straight to the principals office and stay there until either I or Officer Van comes for you."

I hung up and ran to the office, well more like Jake picked me up and ran me to the office. 30 minutes later, Officers Marks and Van knocked on the door.

"Bella, he is still saying that he is your boyfriend and he is only trying to talk to you since your parents won't let you be together."

"I SWEAR, I have never met him before. I have no idea who he is. I had never even seen him until two weeks ago at the ball park."

"I know sweetheart, we believe you. Marks and I are doing a deeper background check on this guy. I hate to say this, but the only law he is technically breaking at the moment is loitering. It's a pain in the ass and bullshit, but until he approaches you, there isn't much we can legally do to him. Just keep that pepper spray with you and keep your eyes focused." After turning around and getting an eye full of Jake, Officer Van added with a chuckle "It doesn't hurt to keep this one around either." I got a police escort home from school that day...as well as a Jake escort. Jake took it upon himself to become something akin to a personal body guard. The administrators and teachers at the school were informed of what was going on. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere by myself. It got to be a real pain in the ass but I understood it was for my own safety.

There were no James sightings for the next month, but I did start getting phone calls at home. No one would ever say anything, just breath in the phone. My mom got caller ID but the number was blocked and it couldn't be traced. So much for that idea. But I knew who it was. After two weeks of calls like this, my mom had our number changed and made sure it was unlisted. And of course we kept Officers Marks and Van updated on the situation. With the absence of calls and no James sightings, I started to feel safe again, although in the back of my mind, I knew he was still lurking, just lurking in places I couldn't see.

We were finally out for Christmas break and Elizabeth, Katie, Jake, and I had decided it was time do catch up on our Christmas shopping. It was a great day. We were just enjoying hanging out. We spent all morning shopping and after grabbing a quick bite to eat we decided to go watch a movie. One of the theaters in town was showing old Christmas movies. We were having trouble deciding between A Christmas Story and It's a Wonderful Life. In the end, we just went to both. It was getting late when we left the theater. We were having a sleepover at my house that night, yes Jake too, so we needed supplies. We were walking out to Jake's car when someone grabbed me from behind and threw their hand over my mouth. Lucky for me, Jake was holding my hand at the time and felt me jerk away from him. James told my friends that if they moved or screamed he would hurt me. So they stayed very still. Jake was so enraged that he was vibrating, I could literally see him shaking with anger. Lucky for me my cell phone was in my pocket and while James was distracted giving my friends instructions, I hit #2 also lucky that our Police Department has the ability to trace cell phones calls. James spun me around and started talking.

"Bella baby, why won't you talk to me? I've been trying for months to get you to notice me and even with all the trouble I've gone through for you, you can't even say hello? That's not a very nice girl."

I was praying that Officer Marks was hearing all of this. I knew I needed to keep him talking until Officer Marks was able to send someone. I knew it was stupid but I just had to know how he knew my name.

"How do you know my name?"

"Doesn't everyone know your name Isabella Marie Swan? I've had my eye on you for a while....long before that baseball game. You are very....appealing to me. I've seen the write ups about you in the paper. Always talking about how special you are with your musical abilities. I bet you have other abilities that no one, not even yourself are aware of. I just want to get to know you, talk to you, maybe even have a little taste of you."

Three things happened simultaneously. I threw up, Jake lunged at James, and we heard sirens.

James was a quick thinker. Once he let me go, he slapped me across the face, hard, I could taste blood in my mouth. Jake was already chasing after James but when he saw me hit the ground, he quickly changed his path. See, James was smart. He knew the only way he would get away from Jake and the cops was to hurt me. He knew that Jake would abandon any pursuit of him, to help me. Elizabeth and Katie were frozen in shock.

By the time the cops arrived, James had disappeared. Luckily, between what Officer Marks heard through my cell phone and video footage from the parking lot security cameras, I was able to obtain a restraining order against James. I also pressed charges against him for assault. We still had our sleepover that night, but instead of mud mask facials, I ended up with a bag of frozen peas on my face.


	8. Chapter 8: Confessions Part 2

**A/N: I didn't want to keep anyone in suspense for too long so I decided to post the 2nd part of Bella's confession. I hope you all enjoy it. Let me know what you think. Thanks to all who have added me to their story/author alerts. They make me smile :)**

**Chapter 8: Confessions Part 2**

I needed a break and so did Alice. By this time is was 3 am. But still neither of us could sleep, plus I still had more of the story to tell. So far she hadn't really said much. Just sat on the bed with me, holding my hand and letting a tears fall quietly down her angelic face. Tears for what I had been through. Unfortunately for her, the worst was still to come. I hated to burden her with this, but it actually felt good to talk to someone about it. We decided we needed some hot tea, so we slipped on our robes and slippers and walked down to the kitchen to boil some water. Alice didn't like having to wait, she decided she was going to buy a Keurig machine the next day to keep in our suite. Once our jasmine tea was prepared and in our cups, we walked back to our room. She resumed her position on the end of my bed. She held my hand and simply said "continue." I swear she looked just like a therapist at that moment. She was going to help me through this. And I already loved her for it.

After what happened at the movie theater, Chief Swan, being my very overprotective dad, paid to have a GPS tracking device placed on my car. I tried so hard not to let the incident ruin the holidays and thanks to my three best friends, it didn't. We spent a lot of time together over our two week vacation. The best was at my house making cookies. I loved baking and Jake loved eating. Katie and Elizabeth could never get over how much food Jake could put away, even though we've all been friends since kindergarten. We spent New Year's Eve with Elizabeth and her family at their country club. At the stroke of midnight, Jake graciously planted a kiss on all three of his girls. He beamed with pride. It was such a great night. So carefree.

January flew by with no incidents involving James. I knew there was a restraining order against him, but I didn't think he was the type of person that would let a piece of paper stop him. I spent much of my time practicing, which was nothing unusual. I even decided it was time to start learning a new instrument. Much to my moms dismay, I chose the drums. Jake on the other hand, was thrilled. He'd always wanted to learn, so he was spending even more time at my house than normal, which is to say, he practically was living there now. Katie and Elizabeth joined us for sleepovers on the weekends. Things were finally starting to get back to pre James levels of normal. I was even getting good on the drums.

On Valentines Day I received two big surprises. Jake showed up at school with flowers for his three favorite girls, that wasn't one of the surprises though, he always did that. Of course, this made all the other girls green with envy. Jake had attempted relationships in the past, but he quickly found out that most of the girls we went to school with were only interested in him for one reason....his body. He told us on many occasions that he'd rather spend his time with the three of us, his true friends, than someone who was only interested in being physical. Nearly all the girls that approached Jake were only interested in having sex with him. Oh the things you learn while in the girls locker room. But back to Valentine's Day. The first surprise was in the mail box. I learned that the University of Washington was sending members of their scholarship committee to the Phoenix area and I had been nominated as a potential scholarship recipient. I was given a phone number to call to find out more details of the nomination and what that entailed. I ran to the house and picked up the phone. Katie's mom apparently knew the Dean of the School of Music and had submitted my name for consideration. I was told that the audition was being set up at St. Francis on March 20th at 7:00p.m. I couldn't wait to tell my friends. Since I couldn't call them all at the same time, I sent them all a text message. Like usual, Jake beat them to the phone call. He was in the middle of congratulating me for the hundredth time when the door bell rang. When I opened it, there was a delivery man standing in the entry way, holding the biggest arrangement of blood red roses I had ever seen.

"I have a delivery for Miss Swan."

"Bella or Renee?" I asked?

"These are for Bella Swan."

I took the flowers but couldn't figure out who would send me something so extravagant. Charlie certainly wouldn't. He barely managed presents on my birthday and Christmas. I didn't have a boyfriend so that was out.

"Jake....did you send me flower?"

"I gave you flowers this morning Bella."

I plucked the card out of the flowers and started to read. Then I dropped the phone and screamed.

"Bella, are you okay, what's wrong? Bella!! BELLA!!! Answer me."

"Jake, can you please come over...NOW!!!"

I don't know how he did it, but Jake made the 20 minute drive to my house in 10. I was still standing in the middle of my living room gripping the card when he came barreling through the door.

He snatched the card out of my hand and read it.

"That sick motherfucker!!!!"

_**Roses are red**_

_**And so is your blood**_

_**Violets are blue**_

_**I will spill it from you**_

_**Sugar is sweet**_

_**And I can't wait to taste you**_

Before I could blink, Jake had my cell phone calling the cops. Officers Marks and Van went to the florist that delivered the flowers. There was no proof that James sent them. A young boy came in with cash and the card was already in a sealed envelope. Although the card wasn't signed and there was no evidence connecting James to this, we all knew who did it. I was starting to get really fucking sick of this psycho path. What had I done to draw his attentions? Why can't he leave me the hell alone?

I was so glad that I had the audition to occupy my mind and time. I had to put my drums on the back burner for now to focus. The next month I spent most of my time preparing for my audition, which also meant Elizabeth and Katie spent a lot of time preparing as well. When I realized that my audition would take place over spring break, I was a little upset. Me, Jake, Katie, and Elizabeth were planning to go to Washington. We were going to visit my dad in Forks, Jake's family in La Push and also go visit the University of Washington. Me, Katie, and Elizabeth had all been accepted there. Jake, being only a junior, hadn't decided where he was going to apply so this would be an research stop for him. I was even more upset with myself for not checking the dates before asking Elizabeth and Katie to play with me. I tried so hard to convince them to go without me, but they wouldn't hear of it. They told me that even if I hadn't asked them to play with me, they would have stayed. They were just as excited for me and I was for myself. They were both so skilled musically but neither wanted to pursue music as their career as I did, but they were 100% supportive and would do anything to help me achieve my dream. I did see James twice between Valentines Day and my audition. The first time was at another baseball game the second time was at the mall. Both public places and when he saw me he retreated. But he wasn't breaking his restraining order, still I phoned it in.

Finally March 20th rolled around. I was feeling very confident. I was well practiced and looking forward to finally getting my chance to play in front of the scholarship committee. Elizabeth, Katie, and Jake came to my house for dinner that night. My mom cooked my favorite...grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches. I had already gotten my three friends hooked on them years ago. She also made homemade potato chips to go with them. At 6:00, me and the girls loaded up in my car and Jake followed us to St. Francis for the audition of a lifetime. Jake couldn't stay for the audition, against the rules. So he helped us get our stuff into the church, well mostly just escorted us in. The piano and harp were already there. We walked Jake back to his car and told him bye. He was going to pick up supplies and then head back to his house. We decided that we were all going to crash at his place tonight. Billy loved it when we did that. He missed having lots of people around. Plus they had a big bonus room that was hardly ever used. Jake had claimed it for his "bachelor pad." So while we played for the committee, Jake was going to load up on junk food and get the pad ready. I could already see hours of Rock Band in our future, which I was glad about. I wanted to play some drums, even if they weren't real. He hugged Elizabeth and Katie and wished them luck. Then he turned to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then on my forehead and then on the back of each of my hands. The cheek to make me smile, my forehead to help me think, and my hands to give me luck to play. He always did this before I played. Then he wished me luck and winked at me.

Everything was going so great that night. The audition was awesome. The committee seemed really impressed. We were on a music high. After the audition, we decided to wind down a little by playing for fun. We called Jake and told him we over in about 30 minutes and to get the junk food ready.

"Can we play it one more time?" Katie asked. We knew what she was asking.

"Okay, one more time."

So once again we launched into our favorite piece, Claire de Lune. This was when we were most in-sync. We were all passionate and we poured it into our music. You could see the love, determination, and pride in our faces as we played. As we played, I looked Elizabeth in the eyes and mouthed "Thank you, I love you." Elizabeth smiled back and mouthed "You're welcome. I love you too." I turned and did the same to Katie. Since Katie was playing the flute and couldn't mouth anything she simple wiggled her eyebrows at me and smiled with her eyes. These were two of the most important people in my life. I couldn't imagine my life without them. Me without them just wouldn't make sense. I quickly got lost in the piece I was playing and just reveled in the happiness of the moment.

About half way through the piece, Elizabeth and Katie stopped playing. I looked up to see what had distracted them. I couldn't see the front doors of the church from behind the piano so I stopped playing and stood up. My heart dropped. How did he know where we were? I thought he was gone. There was a restraining order in place. What is in his hand? No, this cannot be happening, James cannot be here. A gunshot rang out. "Elizabeth!!!!!"

It was like everything just slowed down. James raised his gun, Katie and Elizabeth started to run behind the piano for cover, James pulled the trigger. I saw Elizabeth's body shudder and get thrown back, and then the blood started to trickle out of the hole the bullet made in her chest. Her white button up blouse was turning red. Oh my god, he just shot Elizabeth. Katie and I looked at her with the same masks of horror plastered to our faces. We couldn't move, I couldn't breath. I finally fell to the ground and crawled to my friend. She was breathing but barely. I pressed my hands over the wound to try to stop it from bleeding but there was just so much blood. I was covered in Elizabeth's blood. My friends blood was all over me. Nothing was making any sense. I could feel myself losing it. I looked up and James was approaching the stage.

"After Katie and I realized that Elizabeth had been shot, we started to go crazy. But James quickly got control over us. He told us if we didn't calm down, he'd shoot us too. I was hoping and praying that Father Clearwater would come back to lock up but then I just wanted him to stay away so he wouldn't get hurt either. After shooting Elizabeth, James ran up to the stage. He made me tie up Katie's wrist, keeping his gun pointed at my head the entire time."

"Once Katie was bound and gagged, he bound my wrist as well. He didn't gag me though. But the ropes he used to bind me, were cutting into my wrists and they were bleeding. I still had Elizabeth's blood all over me. I could smell it and I nearly vomited. I was still hoping someone would show up. We were in a bad situation. I couldn't reach my cell phone since my hands were tied behind my back. My car was parked to the side of the church. James started pulling us out of the door and immediately grabbed my car keys out of my front pocket. He started feeling me up when he did this. He said he had been on foot, following me for the past few days."

I shuddered as I recalled what James said to me.

"It was too easy. You were so occupied with what you were doing today, you started to slip up. You even looked at me a few times and never realized I was right there. You know, this is all your fault. If you would have only talked to me, we could have avoided all of this. You really weren't a very nice girl Isabella. We could have been great together. You would have enjoyed all the things I was going to do to your body. It's always the responsible, in control girls who enjoy it the most and beg for more. I bet you are a little closet freak. Don't worry, I'll get my taste of you."

I couldn't help myself and I started screaming as those words left his mouth. I started praying that he wouldn't rape me or Katie....Katie.

"Katie hadn't made the first noise since being gagged. Not even a whimper. I was so scared for her. I thought maybe she had gone into shock. I tried begging James to just let her go that he had what he came for. But that only made him angry."

"Get in the fucking car and shut the hell up. No one wants to hear that shit!!!!"

I tried so hard to keep the sobs and screams from erupting from my throat, but it was pointless. "Since you can't seem to keep your damn mouth closed Bella, I'll do it for you!" Searing pain shot through my face and I could taste blood in my mouth. This was twice this man had made me bleed but I knew I was in for much more than a slap across the face. Then I heard the sound of tape being torn from the roll. He was going to put duct tape over my mouth. This cannot be happening. Quick flashes...Elizabeth, a gun shot, blood. Once the tape was in place, I felt his rough disgusting hands groping my breast. I couldn't believe it, but this was the worse than being bound and gagged. I tried to take myself out of the situation. Just do what he says and it will be over quicker and hopefully with less pain. But that didn't help.

Then I remembered Jake. We should have been to his house by now. Jake is a worrier when it comes to his three girls. If we aren't where we say were going to be, he starts calling. I knew he won't be able to reach any of us. He'll come looking for us. Thank god someone knows where we are supposed to be. He'll get to Elizabeth and call for help.

"James pushed Katie into the front seat of my car. I was so scared he was going to put me in the trunk of the car but he didn't, he opened the back door and pushed me in. He made me lay across the seat on my back. He climbed into the backseat and tried to straddle me, impaling his hard dick between my legs."

I thought I was going to throw up and started whimpering just at the memory.

Alice gasped and the tears were flowing more freely now. "Did he....you know...Bella did he....."

"NO!!! He didn't rape me Alice. Thank God for that. He knew he had to get us away from there or risk getting caught. But that's what he was planning on doing. That was the one thing he kept suggesting during the whole ordeal. He even told me once that all my screaming was just making him harder and that he was praying that I would put up a fight when he finally fucked me."

My mind returned to that night and what he said while he was thrusting into my hips and thighs.

"Don't worry sweet beautiful Bella, we'll have plenty of time for this. Remember the poem I sent you? Oh yes, that was me. See I was thinking of you on Valentine's Day. Were you thinking of me? I already know the answer to that one....no you weren't. You were thinking of that boy that's always with you. You're a dirty slut Isabella Swan. Has he ever been between your legs." He grabbed me between the legs as he said this.

"No one belongs between your legs but me. I told you I can't wait to taste you. I hope you taste as good as I think you do. If I'm disappointed, I'll spill your blood just like I did to that little bitch back in the church."

From the look in his eyes, I knew he meant it. The whole time he was feeling me up, he still had the gun pointed on Katie. After he got his feel, he went around the front of the car and got in the drivers seat. He started the car, slammed his foot on the gas, and sailed out of the parking lot.

"I knew from all the lectures my dad had given me that we needed to stay calm but it was so damn hard to do. Once James peeled out of the parking lot, it seemed like he was lost. Almost like he hadn't planned this far. He was just driving around. I have no clue how long we just drove. He kept muttering to himself but I couldn't tell what he was saying. He never said a word to Katie. His driving was becoming more erratic and I was starting to get car sick. I still have trouble riding in the back of cars. James had a flask that he was drinking from and the smell of whiskey was penetrating the car. I knew that we were in a lot of danger, not only because he was psychotic but because he was drunk. We came to a stop sign at one point and somehow, Katie had managed to grab the door lever. She attempted to open the door. I could see the look in her eyes as she grabbed for the handle. I was so hopeful that she would be able to get the door open. I mean, I was what James was after, there would be no need to hurt someone else. But this is James I was talking about. When James realized what she was doing, he finally decided his no touch policy with Katie was null and void. He hit her hard right across her face with the butt of the gun. I screamed but there wasn't much I could do being bound and gagged. I managed to swing my feet around and started kicking the back of the drivers seat. I even managed to kick that fucker in the head a few times but all that seemed to do was egg him on. James started talking about all the things he was going to do to me. I wanted to die right then. I mean, the most I had ever done was kiss. Alice, I can't even imagine a human being thinking up those things, let alone actually doing them to someone."

I had a flashback that nearly caused me to pass out. James was telling me, in very graphic detail, what he was going to do to me. I became very apparent that he was focused on using as many objects as he could find to penetrate me.

"It's always the quiet ones that scream the loudest. Would you like me to tell you what I'm going to do to you once we are alone. Bella, I'm going to show you what being a slut is all about. I'm going to make you scream. Just wait until I shove my rock hard cock up your ass. You'll scream alright. I think you'll be surprised at how many things I can actually shove into you."

I had to stop because I couldn't repeat anymore of what he had said to me. It was starting to be too much. I could feel the panic attack. My body started to tremble and my breathing became labored. Alice grabbed me and pulled me into a hug that someone her size shouldn't have been able to achieve. I swear she held me in a death grip. She got off my bed and walked to her night stand and picked up her hair brush. She pulled a chair up to the side of my bed and told me to sit. Once I was in the chair she covered me with a blanket and crawled back onto the bed and sat behind me. She started brushing my hair. How she knew this is what always calmed me, I will never know. My mom and even Jake had spent many hours doing this exact same thing over the past 18 months. I immediately felt some of the panic and tension drain from me. After a few minutes my breathing started to slow down and I stopped trembling. And so I continued.

"I started crying again. I kept thinking about my mom and dad, Jake, Elizabeth, and Katie. I know this makes me sound shallow, but I was even thinking that I'd never have the chance to play the piano or clarinet again. That I'd never get to master the drums. I was even thinking of stupid stuff like the fact that I wouldn't get to go to the prom with Jake. We had already picked out the tux and my dress. I was actually looking forward to going, despite the fact that I can't dance. I was starting to wonder where we were going. I wanted to ask but since my mouth was taped shut, that wasn't an option. James was in the middle of telling me how he was going to tie me up, use a knife to cut my flesh, and then rape me with his cock when I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. Police sirens. And they were right behind us. James freaked out. The only comprehendible words out of his mouth were shit and fuck. He drew his gun and started shooting out the back window. Luckily, I was still laying down on the seat. I started kicking at the door and thrashing around. He was getting pissed. He kept saying, you are mine Bella Swan and mine only. No one will ever have you again. No one will ever want you. You will never get rid of me."

I had to stop and take a few deep breaths. Alice never broke the stroke of the brush. She just kept running her brush through my long hair.

"He started driving really erratically. He was making crazy turns and speeding up. I could tell he was driving in a snake like pattern at one time. All the while, still shooting out the back window. The sirens were getting louder and I could see them flashing around the car. I remember James making a hard right turn, he had to use both hands on the steering wheel to keep the car under control. I briefly thought 'there goes my car' but that thought flew out the window quickly. Once he could take his right hand off the steering wheel he immediately raised his gun again to fire out the back window. Right before he pulled the trigger, the tires made contact with the curb. This caused him to nearly drop the gun, he was losing his grip. While regaining control of the gun, he hit a pothole in the rode and his gun arm dipped and the trajectory of the gun was now aimed at me. He tried to jerk his arm up but he was already in the process of pulling the trigger and the gun went off. I felt the worst pain imaginable. It was a hot white searing pain. I thought I was dying. I couldn't move but I couldn't stay still either. My hands were bound behind my back and I was gagged so I couldn't scream. Tears and snot were running all down my face and I was gasping for air. I felt like I was suffocating. I knew I had been shot, but I didn't know where or how bad it was. I could tell I was losing blood but I wasn't sure how quickly. At that moment, I honestly wanted to die. James couldn't keep this chase up much longer. I started praying that he would just give up or at the least, wreck the car. Anything to make him stop. I suddenly heard shots being fired and then felt the car jerk. By the time I recognized the "thump, thump, thump" the cops had already shot out two of the tires. Suddenly the car was spinning like a top. I was thrown into the floor of the car. All I could hear was the bending, snapping, and grinding of metal. And then everything was quiet for what seemed like eternity. I felt a faint pain in my leg but ignored it. Then it all came crashing back in on me. Elizabeth had been shot, I had been shot, and I was pretty positive something just smashed the hell out of my car."

"Within seconds the car was surrounded by police. James lost his grip on the gun during the impact and it was now in the floor of the car. The cops kept their guns trained on James while trying to ascertain how injured me and Katie were. I could hardly speak. I started to get very dizzy and could feel blackness creeping over me. I heard Katie mumbling something but couldn't understand it. Her mumblings started to get louder and louder until her screams felt like hot iron rods slicing me open from the inside. She was still gagged so I couldn't make out her words but she was sobbing uncontrollably. She shrieked a gut wrenching cry, and I passed out."


	9. Chapter 9: It Was All My Fault

**A/N: So there you have it. That's what happened to Bella. Now that it has been explained, I'm really looking forward to writing some light hearted chapters and explore the relationships between the characters. Please let me know what you think so far. I love to read reviews.**

**Disclaimer: SM may own the characters but the plot is mine. Oh and I was a huge Muse fan BEFORE I read Twilight. :)**

**Chapter 9: It was all my fault**

I don't know how long I was out but I soon began hearing movements around the car. I forced myself to open my eyes. I could no longer hear Katie, and I began to panic. I tried to sit up and It was only then did I realize that my right leg was in excruciating pain. I tried to move it....BIG mistake. I nearly passed out again from the pain that was radiating through my body. This brought on a whole new round of panic. I was becoming so weak and I was struggling to keep the black dots in my field of vision from completely over taking me. I had no idea how much blood I had lost or what was wrong with my leg, although I was pretty sure it was broken. James was making no sounds at all. I hoped and prayed he was dead, in that moment, there was no humanity left in me. I wanted that son of a bitch cold and dead. Unfortunately, he had only passed out. I was still in the floor of the car, laying on my stomach.

"Bella, can you hear me?" I knew that voice.

"Um hummmmm?" I forced myself to mumble.

"Shit she's gagged? It's Officer Van. Marks is here too. Bella, we have medical personnel in route. Don't try to talk, just listen."

"Mmmmmm" I started crying again.

I heard the door open.

"Bella, calm down sweetheart." I could feel fingers rubbing something around the edges of the tape. "Your friend Jake got to the church and found Elizabeth. He called us immediately. Elizabeth is at the hospital now. That's all I know right now. James ran a red light and you were t-boned in the intersection. The car is pretty messed up. The girl in the front seat is breathing but she is unconscious as is James. We are going to have to cut the passenger out of the car. We can't open her door. Okay, I'm going to rip the tape off your mouth. You may taste something funny. That's W-D 40, it's a miracle worker against duct tape." With that, he ripped the tape from my mouth. Marks handed Van a bottle of water.

"Don't move Bella, we don't know the extent of your injuries. I'm going to pour a little water in your mouth."

"Katie Marshall. She's the girl in the front seat." I sobbed. "I don't know what's wrong with her but she sounded like she was in terrible pain." I could hardly contain the agony in my own voice.

"Bella, where are you hurt? I know your hands are tied behind your back. I'm going to cut the bindings, but until we know if your neck, head, and back are okay, we don't want to move you. The paramedics will be here soon."

"James shot me and I think I may have a broken leg." I sobbed and then I instinctually twitched my leg, which caused me to pass out again. I could vaguely her Van say "I need an ETA on that ambulance. Victim has sustained a gunshot wound and a possible broken leg, unknown blood lose." And then everything went black....again.

I woke up in the hospital. I had no idea how long I had been there...hours, days, weeks? I was alone in the room. The only sounds were coming from the machines beeping as they tracked my blood pressure, temperature, and heart rate. I wanted to get up and find Katie and Elizabeth but when I tried to sit up I realized I couldn't move my right leg. I lifted the hospital sheet off my lower body and groaned at what I saw. My left leg was covered in scratches and bruises. My right leg....well I couldn't see it. It was covered in a cast that ran from my ankle to my hip. That cant' be good. Then I remembered that I had been shot. I pulled the hospital gown up until I found the patch of gauzy white material. I was glad I couldn't see what was under it. I also noticed that my ribs were wrapped in gauze as well. I heard the door open and quickly yanked the gown back down over myself. I looked up and almost cried.

"Jake!!!!"

He ran to the bed and threw his arms around me. Gently but forcefully all at the same time.

"Bella!" That's all he was able to say. He was overtaken by his tears and his sobs caused his whole body to shake. Once he pulled himself together, he hitched his hip onto the edge of my bed. He was hold my hand and stroking my hair.

"Your mom had to run home to get some more clothes. Let me call her and tell her you are awake. We've been waiting for you to wake up for two days." He looked liked he hadn't slept at all. He was reaching for his phone and started dialing but I took it out of his hands.

"Have you been here the whole time?"

"Where else would I be?"

"Jake.....tell me what happened and tell me everything."

"Bella, you need your rest for now, there will be plenty of time to talk about this once you are out of the hospital."

"Tell me now, I can't wait, I have to know what happened." The machine that was monitoring my heart started to speed up. My blood pressure started to become elevated. Jake looked and me and nodded.

"I'm only doing this because I don't want you to cause more harm to yourself." He hesitated, looked at me, tears rolling down his face, took a deep breath, and started telling me what I so desperately wanted to know.

"When you, Elizabeth, and Katie didn't show up at my house on time, I started calling your cell phones. I tried each phone twice but I couldn't get any of you to answer, I started to get worried. I tried to call the church but I didn't get an answer, so I got in my car and drove over. When I pulled up I didn't see your car but I just had to go into the church and look for myself. I walked in and saw Elizabeth laying on the floor. I was so scared Bella, I just sprinted to the front of the church. I called 911 as I was running and told them I needed an ambulance. I got to Elizabeth and she was breathing but she was in bad shape and there was blood everywhere. She was still conscious. She grabbed my hand and started trying to tell me something, but all she said was "James has them." I was still on the phone with the operator and told her that she needed to get a message to Officers Marks and Van. I knew that your dad had the GPS tracker installed on your car over Christmas so I knew your car could be tracked. The operator put me on hold and contacted Officer Marks and he was patched through to me. I told him that James had you and Katie and about the GPS device. He already knew about it. Apparently he and your dad have been talking on a weekly basis, sometimes several times a week. He immediately had the device activated. The ambulance got to the church and the paramedics were able to get Elizabeth on the stretcher. She held on to my hand the entire time. While we were in the ambulance she made me promise to tell you that this wasn't your fault and to not blame yourself. She also told me to tell you she loved you."

"Jake, where is Elizabeth and Katie. Are they okay? Can I please go see them?."

"Let me finish the story Bella, if I stop now, I won't be able to finish."

Without waiting for my response he kept on talking.

"They rushed Elizabeth to the OR as soon as we entered the hospital. I had to stay in the waiting room. I felt like hours before you and Katie were brought in. I saw them rush you in but again, I had to stay in the waiting room. Your mom showed up just minutes after you did. So we waited and waited and waited. Your mom called your dad and he said he'd be on the very next plane. He is here now, not at the hospital, but at the police station. He is making sure that they do a proper job." This got a little smile from me.

"After three hours, a trauma surgeon approached us and told us that you were out of danger but there was a lot of blood lose. You were shot through your right side. The doctor was amazed that no major organs were hit. There was some internal bleeding but they were able to get it stopped. Found out that we have the same blood type, so I donated as much of my blood as they would allow."

"You mean that you gave me blood?"

"Yes Bella, that's what I mean. Oh, stop, you'd do the same for me. Now let me finish. You're right leg is broken in two places. That's why you are in a full leg cast. You suffered a concussion, a few broken ribs, and you have bruises and cuts over 75% of your body. But you will recover and be fine."

Jake started to hesitate but continued.

"Ka....Kat...Katie, is at the hospital too. She's alive Bella, but the force of the crash severed her lower spine. She's........ paralyzed.......... from the waist down."

I think I passed out again. I could hear Jake calling my name and felt a cold rag on my face. I woke up crying and shaking.

"Elizabeth....Jake where is Elizabeth?"

He continued as if I hadn't spoken.

"That son of a bitch, James.... Well Bella that motherfucker didn't have any major injuries, just a concussion. He is in custody. He is being charged with kidnapping, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, carrying a concealed weapon, grand theft auto, and.....second degree.......murder."

I just started at Jake. Did James kill someone before he found me at the church? Why was Jake crying? It didn't make sense.

"I'm so sorry Bella. If I had only gotten to her sooner."

I still wasn't comprehending. I was in shock. After a few minutes everything started to fall into place. A gunshot, blood, Jake saying he should have gotten there sooner...."

"OH MY GOD!!!! He killed Elizabeth didn't he. Jake please tell me she's okay. Please, let me see her, she can't be ...dead. No, no, no, no, no, no!!!!!! ELIZABETH!!!!! Where is she Jake, tell me right now, where is Elizabeth." I started having a panic attack. I couldn't breath. I couldn't stop crying. I kept waiting for Jake to tell me I was wrong but instead he just grabbed me and sobbed into my neck.

"I'm so sorry Bella, so very sorry."

"I don't remember much after that, Alice. I was later told that I had to be sedated. They kept me knocked out for three days. Every time the sedative started to wear off and I would wake up, I would just scream and cry for Elizabeth. And then I would have fresh waves of guilt over Katie. I didn't know how I was going to survive."

Alice was now holding me and wiping tears from both of our eyes.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I...I...don't...."

"It's okay Alice, you don't need to say anything. I blame myself enough. It was all my fault."

"How can you say that?!" she yelled at me causing me to jump.

"Alice, I blame myself everyday for what happened to Katie and Elizabeth. If I hadn't been so damn set on impressing the scholarship committee, they wouldn't have been at the church that night. James would have only hurt me. I know it isn't directly my fault but I still feel that I indirectly had a hand in killing my best friend and forever changing the life of another. I refused therapy for an entire year, thinking I could deal with this on my own. I was more focused on healing myself physically and I completely ignored my mental and emotional well being. I wouldn't even visit Katie for nearly a month. I was so ashamed of what I had brought upon her life. Elizabeth's parents came to see me before I left the hospital and this just sent me into another melt down. I had to be sedated again. After their first visit, I refused to see them too. The only people that I would even speak to were my mom, dad, Jake, and Officers Marks and Van. I was released from the hospital ten days later. I was told I'd be in a cast for at least two and a half months, possibly longer. I plucked up the courage to go back to school two weeks later. That was a mistake....I was never really popular. People knew who I was but they never paid much attention to me. I was just....there. I never drew much attention. I didn't keep up with the latest fashions, I didn't drive a fancy car, I was a middle class student surrounded by spoiled rich kids. But I thought that I'd be ignored like always... there wasn't much of the school year left but I tried to get back to a normal routine. The school was allowing me to make up all the work I had missed. Had I known that normal was no longer possible, I would have finished out the school year in my bedroom. All of a sudden, everyone wanted to know what happened. I had several breakdowns and thank god for Jake. I can't tell you how many people he threatened to keep them away from me."

"I was asked to perform at graduation since I missed the senior show case. I hadn't played either the clarinet or the piano since James attacked me and Elizabeth died. I don't know why I did it, but I agreed to play. I decided to play the clarinet since playing the piano with a cast is a bit difficult. I tried to play and I had a complete meltdown. I hadn't realized until the day I started preparing to play for graduation, that I couldn't. I couldn't go anywhere near my instruments. I found out three weeks before graduation that I had been award the music scholarship. I didn't tell anyone at first, there were no congratulations or celebrations. Just me, the letter, and a lot of guilt. I knew I would never be able to attend the first semester due to my leg. After the cast came off, I was told I would have to have some physical therapy. The cast did come off after ten weeks, but the bone wasn't completely healed so I was put back in the cast for another month. Physical therapy was pushed back, sinking any chance I may have had to attend the first semester. So my mom made arrangements for me to enroll during the Spring Semester. She also had the University set up a distant education program for me so that I wouldn't be so far behind. When we realized that I couldn't play, we knew there were major issues. But I refused to go to therapy. I went to a few sessions in the beginning but it wasn't helping. Well that's not entirely true, I wouldn't let it help me."

"I did attend graduation even though I didn't play, but it was a huge mistake. They had a huge tribute to Elizabeth. If I had the use of both of my legs, I would have ran out but I was stuck in a wheel chair. Jake was beside me the whole time. He even rolled me across the stage to receive my diploma. I hated being on display like that. It was even harder seeing Katie being wheeled across stage to receive her diploma knowing that while my wheelchair was temporary, hers was permanent. I had visited her twice but I still couldn't bear to be around her. My guilt was immense and I was drowning in it. I couldn't even visit Elizabeth's grave. What kind of friend was I Alice? I couldn't even pay my best friend respects. And as thankful as I was that Katie survived, I couldn't even pluck up the courage to go see her and tell her how much I loved her. Elizabeth knew me well enough to know that I'd blame myself for all of it. She even made sure that Jake would tell me that she didn't blame me and it wasn't my fault. She was dying and she actually was concerned for me. It should have been me instead of Elizabeth and Katie. They were innocent in all of this, they had nothing to do with it."

By this time I had moved back to my bed and was laying down. Alice was laying down and facing me. She started rubbing my back and while I cried, she dried my tears.

"Bella, none of you deserved what happened. This wasn't your fault. This was all because of James. Can you tell me what happened to James?"

"He was held without bond but pleaded insanity. It took 9 months for the case to come to trial. I spent the whole summer locked in my room. Jake was the only person I would allow to come in, I can't tell you how many hours he spent just sitting with me in my dark room. He would read to me, bring movies to watch, deliver food, brush my hair. He even started sleeping in the bed with me. I was having night terrors and it seemed he was the only one who could reach me and help bring me out of them. The cast eventually came off and I started physical therapy. I was still refusing mental therapy. And I still wouldn't see Katie. I started my Freshman year of college at the community college. They were working with the University to help me with the distant education program. I didn't take any classes dealing with music that first semester. I stuck to core classes. I found out around Thanksgiving that the trial would take place in January. So my mom made another call to the University and asked if it were possible to defer my enrollment until the following school year. After explaining the situation, it was agreed to, but if I didn't attend in the fall, I would lose the scholarship. I honestly didn't know if I'd ever be able to play again anyway. I had made a little progress on the clarinet but still couldn't touch the piano."

"I spent the majority of my Christmas break being prepped for the trial. My dad had taken two weeks off and flew to Phoenix from Washington to be with me. We weren't sure how long the trial would last. So my dad ended up staying in our guest bedroom. I was surprised at how well that all worked out. Phil and my dad actually got along pretty well. On the last day of trial prep, I was leaving the police station and came face to face with Katie. It had been months since we last saw each other. I started to turn to walk out the door but she caught my hand and looked into my eyes and simply said "Bella....please, I need my friend back. We've already lost Elizabeth. We can't afford to lose each other too."

"She didn't blame me. Not one bit. She wanted me in her life still. I collapsed at her feet and begged her forgiveness. I apologized for a good 20 minutes. She had to go talk to the detectives but made me promise to come to her house later that day. I agreed. It was a good visit. She was able to take a lot of my guilt away She asked me if I had visited Elizabeth and I was so ashamed when I told her that I hadn't. She grabbed my hand and confessed that she hadn't either. An hour later, her mom was driving us to Elizabeth's grave. I asked her to stop by a florist on the way. I went in and purchased two huge bouquets of daisy's and lilies, they were her favorite. Once we were at her graveside, Katie's mom helped Katie out of the van. I pushed her to Elizabeth's grave. Her mom left us there for an hour. I think that day was my first day of real therapy. Up until that point, the sessions I had attended were pointless. I wasn't willing to participate so after a few sessions, the therapist told my mom that until I was ready to accept the help, it was pointless for me to attend. Talking to Katie helped break down the hard shell I had built around myself.

"Me and Katie spent the hour crying and holding one another. We talked to Elizabeth as if she were there with us. I told her all about my physical therapy and how I had to defer my scholarship. We talked about Jake too. He had visited Elizabeth several times. We promised Elizabeth that we would all be back to visit, just like old times. I felt like I was starting to heal. I still hadn't worked up the courage to face Elizabeth's parents but I knew I would have to before the trial. Apparently Katie's mom thought it needed to happen sooner than that. We were singing one of Elizabeth's favorite songs to her, 'You Raise Me Up', when we heard quiet sobbing behind us. I turned around and came face to face with Elizabeth's parents. Before I could speak, her mom was holding me in the tightest embrace I had ever felt. I cried hysterically into her chest and all I could say was "I'm sorry, it's all my fault." We stood by Elizabeth's grave embracing one another for what seemed like hours. Eventually it started to get dark and we needed to leave. Katie's mom came to pick us up. But during the time I spent with Elizabeth's parents by her grave, the assured me that they did not blame me in the least. All they could talk about was how important I was to Elizabeth and that she would never blame me. They knew I wasn't in a good place and begged me to talk to someone. They didn't want me to close down because of what James had taken from us She kept saying 'Elizabeth wouldn't want that for you Bella. She always said you were meant to shine, not be hidden."

"By the time I made it home that night I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. I called Jake to come over. My mom hadn't gotten home from work yet, she was preparing her two week absence and my dad was at the police station. I asked Jake to stop by the store and pick up some things for me. Besides music, cooking was my other love and I hadn't done much of that lately either. So I decided to make dinner for my family. When my mom and dad got home, they were in utter shock. I had dinner on the table, dessert in the oven, and a smile on my face. At dinner that night, I told everyone what happened that day. It was a long dinner. It took me a while to tell my story. But at the end I was able to make some peace with the situation."

Alice gave me a sad smile. I knew this was draining her but it was better for me to just spill it all and get it over with. There was only one more topic to cover and I decided to dive into it head first.

"The trial didn't take as long as expected. James entered a plea of not guilty...he chose to pull the insanity defense. The first few days were spent picking the jury. Once that was accomplished the real work began. The judge took the time to instruct the jury on all the charges that were pending against James; kidnapping, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, carrying a concealed weapon, grand theft auto, and second degree murder. There were a lot of people that testified. My friends and family were heavily involved; my mom, dad, Phil, Jake, Katie, and myself all testified for the prosecution. Of course Officers Marks and Van also took the stand. The security footage as well as a recording from my cell phone were played from the night James approached me in the parking lot of the movie theater. Jake's frantic phone call to 911 the night he found Elizabeth was played. I got a different prospective of the car chase that I had never heard before. There were multiple tapes of that. The day those tapes were played, I left the courthouse and was in great shock. Hearing all the responding officers talk about what they were witnessing made it seem so much worse. Hearing the voices of Officer Marks and Van were the toughest to listen to. You could hear the fear and worry dripping from their words. I wasn't just a victim to them, they had come to care about me over the past several months."

"When it was my turn to take the stand, it was as if I were someone else. I marched to the witness box and never looked at James. I wore the charm bracelet that Elizabeth had given me when we were younger. It gave me strength to face that vile excuse for a human being. I was on the stand for two days. I felt like I told my story a hundred different times, but I was prepared for the constant repetition of details. I knew the defense was trying to find a hole in my testimony. They were hoping I'd slip up and offer a contradiction to something I had already stated, under oath, as fact. That never happened. Not one detail strayed. I was so relieved when I was finally finished being cross examined. But the torture wasn't over yet. James was still waiting for his turn to tell his story. As you can guess, I wasn't looking forward to that at all."

"I was an emotional mess the night before he took the stand. I pretty much slept in the bathroom....it was easier to make it to the toilet that way. I couldn't keep anything down. I started running a fever sometime in the early morning. I finally got back in bed and was able to sleep for about an hour. My mom wanted me to stay home but I wasn't going to let him win. As it turned out he wasn't a shining witness. It didn't take long to realize that even his lawyers were skeptical of his story, but even with that knowledge, they put up a great united front. But James slipped up immediately. When he was asked when we met and the circumstances of our first meeting,"

"_So, Mr. Cam, will you please explain the circumstances of your first meeting with Miss Swan."_

"_It would be my pleasure. I met Bella on August 15th at the annual back to school festival."_

"_Where was this festival held?"_

"_It was at the Arizona Diamondbacks stadium. We hit it off and exchanged phone numbers. I knew she was young but I didn't realize how young. She didn't want her parents to know so we snuck around."_

"I just about jumped out of my chair trying to get the attention of Mr. Prichett, the prosecutor. He was sitting in the chair right in front of me. So I reached over and tapped him on the shoulder. He quickly grabbed a notepad from the desk in front of him and handed it to me. I hastily scribbled a note with six words that would doom James..."He's lying. I can prove it."

He looked at the note, gave me a slight nod, and watched as the defense continued their line of questioning. The defense continued and asked about our second meeting.

"_Mr. Cam, can you tell us about your next meeting with Miss Swan?"_

"_Sure, we met up for lunch and a movie on September 4th. The theater in the old village was showing 'My Fair Lady', and we attended the 2:00 showing, after we had lunch." _

Again, I held the same piece of paper up for Mr. Prichett to see and got the same nod.

When the defense was finished questioning James the judge dismissed us for the day. The cross examination would happen the following day. I was immediately ushered into a side chamber and questioned by Mr. Prichett. The next day James took the stand for the cross examination. It was pretty much a repeat of the questions the defense had asked. And James gave the same answers, almost verbatim. After he was excused from the stand, Mr. Prichett called a rebuttal witness....me.

"_Miss Swan, according to Mr. Cam, you and he met on August 15th at the annual back to school festival that was being held at the Arizona Diamondbacks stadium. Is this true?"_

"_No, it is not."_

"_Can you tell the court your whereabouts on that day?"_

"_Yes sir, I, along with 200 members of the high school band, were attending a week long band camp at the University of Arizona."_

"_Do you have proof of this?"_

"_Yes sir, I do."_

The jury was presented with evidence that I was indeed at the University of Arizona for band camp. This was in the form of time stamped video's, programs for the a performance I was involved in on August 15th, as well as written confirmation from five other people that were involved in the camp.

Next Mr. Prichett asked about our second meeting.

"_Miss Swan, would you please tell the court about the events of September 4th?"_

"_On September 4th , I was performing at a wedding, actually Katie, Elizabeth, and I were all playing that day. It was the Rochester wedding and it was held at the Rochester Estate."_

The jury was once again presented evidence in the form of a time stamped video, the wedding program that listed me as a performer, as well as written statements by the Rochester's themselves.

"_Thank you Miss Swan. That will be all. You may step down."_

After these revelations, the defense approached Mr. Prichett about a deal, which he quickly turned down. It took the jury two days to reach a decision....Guilty on all counts. The defense opted for a quick sentencing. We were back in court less than a month later. That was more emotional than the trial. Elizabeth's parents testified as did Katie's. The hardest part...they played a videos of me, Elizabeth, and Katie performing together. Not just one video, but several. The court was shown the video my mom took of us when we were five, playing for the very first time as a trio. Both Elizabeth's and Katie's parents also contributed their videos. In all 13 videos of the three of us playing together were shown. I only made it through five before I had to leave. Jake followed me out of the courtroom and sat with me until the judge dismissed the jury for the day. Now it was a wait and see game. It took the jury less than a day to decide on the sentence. Mr. Prichett called us late in the afternoon during the first day of sentencing deliberations and told us that the jury had made their decision. Court would resume at 9:00 the next morning. We were there by 8:30, anxious yet scared to hear the decision.

"The jury recommended that James receive life without the possibility of parole. While reading the decision the judge pointedly told James that the only reason he wasn't getting the death penalty was because Elizabeth's parents had petitioned the judge to take the death penalty off the table and to spare his life."

"Wow" was all Alice could say.

"Her parents have a strong faith and they didn't think it was right to have someone else die. As much as they wanted to hate, they couldn't."

"I started attending therapy soon after the sentence was handed down. And much to my surprise, things started getting better for me almost immediately."

Alice looked at me and smiled.

"I finally was able to admit that it wasn't my fault. I still blamed myself but I knew it wasn't my fault."


	10. Chapter 10: Getting Settled

**A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter. It is split into both Bella's and Edward's POV. I wasn't sure that I wanted to include multiple POVs at first but it just fits. The next chapter will be all EPOV. **

**Also, I wanted to apologize if some of my paragraphs get too long. (Thanks ROB for that bit of advice). Sometimes I forget that I'm not still writing term papers. So I hope I've done at least a slightly better job of breaking this chapter up a little more so it's more easily read. **

**Chapter 10: Getting Settled**

**BPOV**

Alice and I slept late on Sunday, which wasn't surprising since we never made it back to bed until 5am. Aside from those that were intimately involved in the case, Alice was the first person that I had ever confided in about what happened with James. It was a very stressful night but at the same time, I felt a great weight had been lifted from me. I was actually able to get through the entire story without completely losing it. Alice was great. I couldn't believe how wonderful she was throughout the whole night. She just listened to my story, without much interruption, and she always knew what to do to calm me down when things started to become to much for me. She's just an amazing person.

My cell phone started blaring Muse throughout the room around 11:30, causing me to jump out of bed, too quickly, and promptly smacking my knee on the corner of my bed..."Shit"...yet another bruise to add to my collection. I used to be nothing but a walking accident, a pure klutz. My coordination has gotten so much better over the past few years, thanks to yoga and pilates, but I still can turn into a klutz at times. (Of course the biggest help to my coordination...the strip aerobics classes that my mom guilted me into taking with her....talk about embarrassing, but hey if I can ever manage to land a boyfriend, the embarrassment might just pay off.) After uttering a few more four letter words, I stumbled to my bag and pulled out my cell phone. It was my mom.

"Hey Mom!"

"Bella honey, I'm so sorry I didn't answer your call yesterday. Phil and I went out to celebrate. He got a promotion. He is actually going to be a trainer for the Diamondbacks!!!! Can you believe it Bella? That's the major leagues."

"Wow!!! Tell Phil I said congrats. I know that's what he has always dreamed about. So does this mean you'll start traveling with Phil more?"

"Well, we haven't gotten that far yet. There are still lots of details to consider. But don't worry, I'll keep you in the loop. So how was move in day? How is Jake? Do you like your roommate as much as you thought you would? How's the room? Met any cute boys yet?"

"Mom, slow down, one question at a time. Let my brian process what you are trying to say." I gave her a good laugh.

"Sorry baby, just curious to see how things are going for you so far."

It took me 30 minutes, but I finally was able to answer all her questions. Of course I couldn't say enough nice things about Alice. I told her all about our shopping trip and how generous Alice was. She just about flipped when I told her about the music room. She was ecstatic about my news. I also told her about the gorgeous stranger. She giggled like she always did when we talked about boys. I could tell she was crying when I relayed the events of early morning hours. But she was happy that I was finally able to talk to someone about it.

"Well Mom, I have some errands I need to run and I still need a shower. I'll call you later this week and let you know how classes are going."

"Okay sweetie, I love you and I'm so proud of you. You are going to get through this and you'll be even stronger for it."

"Thanks Mom. I miss you. Give Phil a hug for me. I love you."

"Love you too honey. Bye"

I hadn't even hit the end button before Alice was on her feet and standing in front of me.

"So Bella, care to tell me why you haven't mentioned the gorgeous stranger to me?"

She gave me the pouty puppy dog eyes. So I had no choice but to tell her about him, even if I didn't have much to tell.

"You have an Alice assignment this week Bella, you have to find out his name."

"But..but..."

"No buts, you will have his name by Friday, end of discussion."

"Yes Alice" was all I could say and she smiled.

When she finally got a good look at me her response was quick

"Damn Bella, you look like hell."

"Geez, thanks. But that's what a night full of crying will get ya, bloodshot puffy red eyes and a swollen looking nose. I know we are supposed to have coffee with Rosalie and Angela today, but do you think it would be terribly rude of me if I didn't go. I just don't feel like facing people today. I'll cook dinner one night this week to make up for it."

"I'll just tell them you aren't feeling well. You're right, you should stay here and relax. You don't want to look or feel like shit on your first day. But don't worry, once I get back from coffee, I'll put my beauty remedies to work and you'll be as good as new tomorrow morning."

"You are the greatest!!!"

"So I hear, you really swelled my ego this morning while talking to your mom."

"Well I didn't say anything that wasn't true. Really Alice, thank you so much for putting up with me last night. I know I'm not going to be the easiest person to live with but I think by you knowing, it will be much easier for me."

"Well I'm glad Bella. I'll do my best to make sure you have a wonderful year."

I decided to call Jake and ask him to come over. I finally got in the shower and Alice headed off to have coffee with our suite mates. Jake showed up around 2:00. I didn't feel like going out but I needed supplies. So we made a quick run to the store. I had decided not to cook supper that night and told Jake about the events of the night before. He understood but I promised him his lasagna sometime during the week. We got back to the room and put the groceries away and Jake put together my bookshelf. He helped me unpack and then we decided to watch a movie. I wanted to watch a comfort movie but couldn't decide between 'My Fair Lady' or "Pride and Prejudice" so Jake picked for me. Pride and Prejudice...he didn't like all the singing in My Fair Lady. We were propped up on my bed, eating popcorn, and enjoying the movie when Jake started running his fingers through my hair. I was asleep within 20 minutes. I didn't wake up until Alice came back. Jake was gone, but he left a note telling me to call him when I woke up. Alice commented on how close Jake and I were, and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"I know you said it wasn't like that Bella, but I'm just curious."

"I promise I will give you the whole story, just not today. Deal?"

"Deal"

"So tell me about your afternoon."

After having coffee with Angela and Rosalie (who according to Alice were just wonderful and I was going to love them), she stopped by to visit her brother, Edward. She was so excited. Apparently he was a musician and one of his talents was music composition. Both of these facts interested me a great deal. He was in the middle of composing when she unexpectedly dropped by. This was a big event. Alice informed me that he hadn't composed any new music since Jessica. I didn't know what that meant but she told me it was another story for another day.

She didn't have the emotional strength to get into it today, which I was glad about because I didn't think I had the emotional strength to listen to it. Alice agreed to fill me in about Jessica sometime in the future. She did add that it was really her brother's story and although she knew all the major issues, she still felt there were things that Edward wasn't telling.

"He won't mind you talking about it?"

"No, it isn't really a secret what happened. But it has had a major affect on him."

She started applying all types of creams to my face to help get the puffiness out. While the mask dried on my face, she told about her coffee date. She obviously approved of Angela and Rosalie. She told them I would be cooking supper one night this week and they seemed excited. Alice was anxious for me to meet them. By 9 that night, I was ready to crash. I had an early class and needed to make up for the sleep that I hadn't gotten over the past four days. Alice agreed to let me crash early but not before I let her pick out my outfit for the next day. I hated to admit it, but I was actually excited about putting on new clothes in the morning. I put on my new PJs and slide into bed with my iPod. Classical music always helps me relax, but tonight I needed something more, so I went with Sigur Ros. I was asleep within minutes and I was very grateful for the dreamless sleep that followed.

**EPOV**

I was in the middle of composing a new piece of music when there was a knock at the door. I reluctantly got up from my keyboard, since I can't have my piano in the dorm, and walked to the door and swung it open. I was immediately assaulted around my waist and blinded by black spiky hair when I looked down.

"Hey sister. What brings you by?"

"Do I really need an excuse to come see my brother. Jeez Edward, I just wanted to see how you are doing." She said while trying to to look hurt but the smile pulling up the corner of her mouth was giving her away.

"Sorry Alice, I was just in the middle of.....something."

I didn't want to let Alice in on what I was doing, she'd read too much into it. But I knew the instant she caught my eyes, she knew something was up.

"In the middle of something....what would that be Edward? Were you releasing frustrations?" She smirked at me.

"Well not in the way you are implying and even if I were, I wouldn't tell you."

"Oh please Edward, we've lived together for ages. And don't forget, we'll be roommates again next year."

"Just for the sake of getting out of this conversation....I'm actually working on a new composition."

"Really?! You haven't written any new music in ages...not since Jess..."

"Enough Alice." She flinched at the anger that was laced in my voice.

"I'm sorry. I know better than to bring the bitch up. So, will you play for me?"

I didn't really want to share what I had written. It was still so new and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. But this was Alice and I loved her dearly. I had a hard time denying her anything she asked for. Plus, I could never forget all she did for me last year. She was my backbone and I will always owe her for that. So with that in mind, I walked over to the keyboard and played what I had written so far. It was a slow piece, not really sad but not happy either. I started on it last night when I got home from the music building. I had the most unusual experience. I wanted to unwind after the stress of moving in so I walked to the music building, just hoping that there would be an empty practice room. I knew that even on move in day, the chances of me finding one were slim. But I was in luck. All the rooms had the 'occupied' sign lite up above the door, except that last room. So without hesitation, I opened the door and stepped in. I wasn't expecting someone to be in the room and playing. There so much noise on this hall that it's hard to tell which rooms are in use, hence the indicator signs over the doors. I guess she didn't know that by locking the door, the 'occupied' sign would light up.

I was getting ready to back out of the room when I realized what she was playing, my favorite song, 'Claire de Lune'. But that wasn't what caught my attention. The girl sitting on the bench playing, now that's what caught my attention. She looked to be of a slender build with long mahogany hair that flowed down her back. Her hair wasn't straight but not curly either, more wavy than anything. After getting a good look at her hair, I noticed her posture. She was somewhat hunched over. Not at all good playing posture. But then a heartbreaking noise reached my ears...there were small sobs erupting from her throat and her shoulders were shaking. If I didn't know better I would think she was crying. Well that would explain the emotional climate of the room. The sudden wave of sorrow overtook me. But the energy in the room quickly became so charged that I literally could feel the hairs on my neck stand up.

She finished the piece and I couldn't help but gasp. The emotions radiating off this girl were powerful. She turned around and our eyes locked. I couldn't breath. She had the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. They weren't your normal flat brown, more like dark chocolate with a shine. They were deep and endless and... to my surprise, full of hurt. I couldn't help but wonder what caused the hurt. It took me a few seconds to even focus on the rest of her face. She had a heart shaped face, a cute nose, and pouty pink lips. It was then that I noticed how wonderful her skin looked when she added the natural blush to them. She reached into her bag to grab tissue and it was only then that I realized that she had indeed been crying. There were tears still on her cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy. Her nose was running too.

"I...I'm...sorry, I didn't realize my time was up." she stammered looking a bit embarrassed. Her voice was so quiet and delicate.

"It's okay. I didn't sign up for time. I just stopped by on the off chance that there was an open room" I replied.

"That's how I ended up here. I was surprised that they were all full on move in day."

"So goes the life of those dedicated to their love of music" I said with a small chuckle.

There were a few moments of silence as we looked at one another. The strangest thing happened. I started feeling that same electric energy envelop the room. But as soon as it started again, her cell phone rang. Ahh, rookie mistake, leaving the cell phone on. But I was intrigued by her choice for her ringtone. She was a Muse fan. I was too. I stood there and listened as she took the phone call. Sounded like she was late meeting someone. Wonder if it's her boyfriend.

She jumped off the piano bench and grabbed her stuff, nearly tripping on her way to the door. She apologized again and averted her eyes as she walked out of the room. I couldn't help myself but I just had to see those eyes again.

"Nice choice of music" I said and gave her my famous crooked smile.

"Thank you" she smiled back.

I found it interesting that she had not only played my favorite piece of piano music but she also liked my favorite band. I was definitely going to have to find out more about this girl.

I walked to the piano bench, still warm from it's previous occupant, and started playing 'Claire de Lune.' After I finished, a new melody started running through my mind. A sweet slow melody, not happy but not sad either. I couldn't believe that after all this time, I was actually composing again. I hadn't composed new music since that shit with Jessica happened. Yes I was hurt, angry, disappointed, but mostly I was bitter. I shook my head to get those thoughts out of my head and instead chose to focus on those beautiful brown eyes. The music just kept coming.

"Edward, it's beautiful. What was your inspiration?"

"Let's just say a beautiful pair of brown eyes and that's all your getting out of me Alice so drop it." I didn't feel like sharing yet and if I knew Alice, she'd claim the owner of those amazing brown eyes as her best friend before I could even find out her name.

"You win...for now. Anyway, there was another reason I stopped by. Bella, my roommate is going to cook dinner one night this week, probably on Wednesday and I wanted to invite you."

"I can't. I have a class on Wednesday nights."

"Well that sucks. What time do you get out?"

"9:00 if I'm lucky."

"Well I'll fix you a plate and bring it to you. Does that sound good?"

"Sure Alice, but only if the food is good." I smiled at her.

**BPOV**

The week went by pretty quickly. It didn't take me much time to learn the campus. Most of my classes were in the Music building. I couldn't help but look for those green eyes in each and every class I had, but I had no luck. I had decided that I at least wanted to get his name, with or without Alice's assignment. After all, he did share in a very pivotal moment of my life. I met Rosalie and Angela Monday night in the common room. They are something else. I don't think I've laughed that hard in ages. Rosalie is a life size barbie doll..legs for days, long blond hair, blue eyes, perfect skin, and of course no barbie doll would be complete without D cups. Yep, my self esteem just took a nose dive. But despite her outward appearance, she was so down to earth. She had an abundance of sarcasm, a hard core exterior, and I learned she loved to work on cars, didn't see that one coming. She was the baby of the family, having three older brothers. So that easily explained the sarcasm, hard outer core, and especially the love of auto mechanics. She was dating a guy named Emmett, who just happened to be Angela's cousin.

Angela seemed to be the complete opposite of Rosalie. She was tall, but she had dark skin, long black hair, big brown eyes, slender, and seemed to be on the quiet side. She loved to read and was into photography. When she told me she was single, I briefly thought of Jake. I'd have to introduce them on Wednesday.

Monday, after class, I called the two therapist that Dr. Leslie recommended. I was in luck, Dr. Kym had an opening. She wanted to see me on Friday at 5:00 to discuss my case file up until this point. I gave her permission to contact Dr. Leslie to find out any information that she needed. For once in my life, I was actually looking forward to a therapy session. Monday was also a big day for the Cullen clan. Carlisle's interview apparently went very well. The board decided to meet Monday night to vote on whether to make Carlisle an offer. It took all of 20 minutes before they came out of the board room, shook his hand, and offered him the job. Carlisle took Monday night and Tuesday to decide. He needed to make sure the move would be okay with Esme, Edward, and Alice. Of course they all agreed. Carlisle accepted the job and the board told him they wanted him to start ASAP. So he spent the rest of the week house hunting as well as exploring the town. He even took the time to stop by and introduce himself to my dad. He called Alice on Thursday night and invited her to join him for dinner on Friday night, before he went back to Alaska. He invited me as well, but seeing as how I had my therapy session, I had to politely decline, which I was totally pissed about. Yes, I know therapy is important but I wanted to meet Edward as well as talk more to Carlisle. Alice assured me that I would have plenty of time for both.

"For heaven's sake Bella, we'll be living in Forks!!!!"

I called my dad on Wednesday while I was walking to class and he told me how psyched the whole town was. He told me about Carlisle's visit. He seemed really impressed that he would take the time to meet his daughter's roommate's dad. Of course, Charlie inviting him to take a fishing trip with him as soon as he and Esme got settled. I told him a little about how things had gone so far and informed him that I had a session on Friday. He was glad to hear that I was still sticking with it. He told me he would be putting money in my account at the end of the week. My dad really is great. I may have the scholarship to pay for school, but I don't have time to get a side job to pay for the extras. That's what a "dad's job is sweetie, to help you out", or so he tells me every week when he calls to tell me about my "allowance."

Dinner on Wednesday went great. Rosalie, Angel, and Jake joined Alice and myself. I cooked lasagna, just like I promised Jake. We had salad and garlic bread as side dishes. I also made a non alcoholic sangria to accompany our dinner. The real stuff is always better but I'm not of legal age to purchase the required ingredients yet. Everyone was thrilled with the food. I couldn't help but notice that Jake and Angela kept glancing over at one another...this may be easier than I thought. Rosalie started talking about Emmett. He was having terrible trouble with his roommate. So Jake and Rosalie bonded a bit over that. Mike was getting on his nerves something terrible. Jake was just counting down the days until he could put in his room change request. By the end of the night, Rosalie was dead set on introducing Jake and Emmett. She thought they'd make good roommates, they both loved cars, video games, and had a wicked sense of humor. I was hopeful that things would work out better for Jake.

Everyone pitched in to clean up the kitchen and then Jake left. Alice asked if she could fix Edward a plate to take to his room. He had a late class and wouldn't have had time for food. So I fixed him a big plate of lasagna, a small bowl of salad, and 3 pieces of garlic bread. I also sent some of the sangria. Alice wasn't gone too long, but longer than it would take to simply drop off food. When she walked in the room, she had the biggest shit eating grin plastered across her face. I quickly found out why. Edward hadn't gotten back from class so she left the food with his roommate....Jasper. From the flush that was still on Alice's cheek, she saw something she liked. All she kept saying was "on my gosh Bella, he is one fine looking man. I will make Edward introduce me, properly." And I knew he'd be powerless against her, both Edward and Jasper.

I wasn't able to make it to the practice rooms until Thursday morning, but this time I had enough sense to sign up for a room. I still hadn't seen the green eyes all week. I was starting to wonder if he was a figment of my imagination that I conjured up to help me fully deal with the knowledge that I could play the song, but I'm not that creative. I couldn't make up how utterly gorgeous this man was. I was about 20 minutes early so I decided to relax a little and pulled out a book and my iPod. I was sitting outside of practice room 13 reading 'Atlas Shrugged' and listening to YoYo Ma when I looked up and saw....bright green eyes. I froze. He was even more gorgeous than I remembered. He started to walk away, hesitated, and then changed his course and started walking towards me. I stood up and started putting my book and my iPod back in my bag. I looked up and he was standing right in front of me. We were alone in the hallway. I immediately tensed, waiting for the panic to start creeping in. But before I could really think about the consequences of that, he spoke, and my oh my, what a voice it was. I was too mortified the last time he spoke to me to fully appreciate it. It was deep, smooth, and unbelievably sexy.

"Muse or Debussy?" He gave me that crooked smile and I blushed.

"Neither...YoYo Ma." I smiled back.

"Really? He is amazing. I've always wanted to see him in concert."

"I have and he is even more incredible than I could have imagined. It was quite the experience. I would highly recommend attending one of his concerts if you ever get the chance."

"I'll have to do that. I noticed you were reading too. Do you mind if I ask what you were so interested in?"

"Nope, I don't mind at all....'Atlas Shrugged."

"Is that for class?"

I could feel my self blushing...again.

"Actually it isn't. Just doing some reading for pleasure." He had a look of disbelief or maybe curiosity on his face before it dissolved into a smile.

I started shifting on my feet. I wanted to keep talking to this stranger but I knew I had only signed up for an hour slot and I really didn't need to lose any time. I was still far from where I needed to be with the piano.

"Well, umm, I need to get some practice time in."

He shook his head, turned around, and started walking away. He took a few steps before glancing over his shoulder. He caught me watching him walk away. Well more like caught me watching his fine ass walk away from me. I heard him chuckle before saying "Bye. I'll see you around."

Then the Alice assignment popped up in my head and before I could stop myself my mouth opened and started to speak.

"So, what's your name?"

He stopped, hesitated slightly and then turned with a smile. As he was walking back towards me he said:

"Anthony. My name is Anthony."

He was standing in front of me now, extending his hand.

"And do I get the pleasure of your name?"

Now it was my turn to hesitate. All of my insecurities came rushing back. Then the thought of actually getting close to a member of the male species that wasn't Jake...well that scared me. Since the shit with James, I have trouble being around men in intimate situations. Groups are fine, but one on one is not a good recipe for me. I looked up into those green eyes and they were questioning. So I extended my hand to take his. I felt a jolt of.....something....shoot up the hand and arm that this Anthony was holding. He was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I wonder if he was feeling the unique sensation of our touch like I was, it was the same feeling I got in the music room the day I played Claire de Lune...electricity almost....then I realized I hadn't answered his question... So I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

"Marie. My name is Marie."

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**A/N: Yes I did it. I left you with something juicy to ponder. So what do you think of the story so far???? Yes I'm shamelessly begging for reviews. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank to those who have taken the time to read. **


	11. Chapter 11: My Name is Anthony?

**A/N: Okay so this chapter is completely EPOV. His POV will pop up when having his side of the story will be beneficial for the reader. I've already started on chapter 12. I got started on it yesterday while taking the train back from visiting family. **

**Also, I again talk about the band Muse in this chapter, and to be honest, will probably talk about them many more times, they are my favorite. Hope you enjoy!!!**

**Chapter 11: My Name is Anthony?**

**EPOV**

I was having a fairly decent week, considering it was the first week of classes. All the professors wanted to "make an impression" which meant being hard asses and assigning a lot of work. Of course I couldn't blame them. They typically used the first few weeks of classes to "weed out" those students who were either not serious about medicine or those who didn't have the intellectual ability and capacity to understand medicine. It was a time to make them really think about the career path they were choosing. This didn't effect me. I've known what I wanted to be "when I grow up" for as long as I can remember and not to brag on myself, but I'm pretty smart as well. I wanted to be just like my father, Carlisle and my mother, Esme. Carlisle was a wonderful doctor and my biggest influence. He and Esme have made my life what it is. So what better way to show my love. Yep, I'm that guy, I wanted to be just like my dad. Mix that up with the compassion and love my mother always shows to others...well let's just say, I thought I would be a damn good doctor.

Being a pre-med student doesn't allow me to have much free time. I like to stay on top of things so I bury myself in studying. The other love of my life is music. I tried to factor in a third thing to that list of 'loves' last year, but that shit didn't work. So from this point forward, I'm focusing on medicine and music. Love would eventually come my way...or not...either way, it isn't happening now. I'm focused and I have a game plan. Medicine first and music a close second. When I'm not studying or in class I can usually be found in one of two places: either in one of the practice rooms in the music building or sitting in front of my keyboard in my dorm room. God, I can't wait until I can move out of the dorms and into my own apartment. I really want a real piano with me. I know I can't have my grand piano here with me but an upright is better than a keyboard. No, I only get to play my pride and joy when I go home....home to Alaska. I never minded that home was in Alaska, that is until Alice and I moved to Seattle and Carlisle and Esme stayed. I'm a pretty private and self reliant person but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I missed my mom and dad. At least I had Alice here with me. But as life usually does, a curve ball was thrown my way, but at least this time it didn't end in strike.

Carlisle called me on Monday and told me that he had been offered the position of Chief of Medicine at the Forks hospital. It was a small town about two hours away from here. The hospital wasn't that big but my parents wanted to be closer to us and from what Carlisle has seen of the town so far, he seems to like it. So after discussing the offer with Esme, Alice, and myself, Carlisle decided he would accept the job. I was happy my family would be close together again. In an amusing twist of...fate...if you would, I found out that Alice's roommate, Bella, is also connected with the the tiny town of Forks. Her dad is the Chief of Police. I hadn't had the chance to meet Bella yet. She had extended an invitation to dinner through Alice for Wednesday night, but I had a late class. When I got home from class two things surprised me. First, my roommate Jasper, had a shit eating grin spread across his face. I quickly figured out why....Alice. All he said was that he was waiting for a proper introduction. I wasn't sure how I felt about this but Jasper seemed like a great guy. The second surprise....Bella could cook. I don't think I've ever had better lasagna. I made a point of calling Alice to get her to thank Bella for me.

I was looking forward to meeting her at dinner on Friday night. Carlisle wanted to celebrate with Alice and myself before heading back to Alaska and he even asked Jasper and Bella to attend. But as misfortune would have it, Bella had a previous engagement on Friday so our meeting would have to be postponed. Jasper was still going so at least I'd be able to introduce him to Alice. Oh and by the way, Alice was just as anxious to meet Jasper...as she had told my voicemail five times already.

I wasn't able to get to the music building until Thursday. I was disappointed to say the least. I was hoping I'd be able to get over there more during the week. I was looking for those brown eyes. Those eyes had been in my thoughts and dreams since Saturday. Although I was sticking to only having two loves right now (medicine and music) something about her made me want to know more about her). I think it was the emotions that showed in her eyes. It was something I recognized. That same look had haunted my eyes last semester...hurt. But these days my eyes only reflect bitterness. I hate to admit it, but Jessica has tainted every part of my life that was special for me. So yeah, bitterness is my constant companion these days. I know I didn't handle that situation in the most mature manner. For one, I stopped doing one of the most important things to me....I stopped composing. I let her affect me more than she should have, but what did I know. I thought I was in love.

Maybe I was but she surely didn't feel the same about me, I was just a passing phase. I spent an entire month in a self loathing downward spiral. It was Alice that pulled me through. It was hard on her too. Jessica and Alice were roommates...my fault. Alice had become close to Jessica for my sake. She never really felt comfortable around Jessica but she did it for me. But enough dwelling in the past. Those brown eyes that were so full of hurt was all it took to start breaking down the walls I had spent the last six months building up. I couldn't figure out what was so special about her. After many days of contemplating this, I came to the only conclusion that made sense to me...I felt a camaraderie with her. I don't think our hurt was caused by the same things but I could tell she was using her music to help pull her through whatever it was that was hurting her. I respected that. I envied that. I used music to help me deal but I hadn't composed anything new since Jessica. Sure, I'd play other pieces but that wasn't as fulfilling or healing as playing my music. I poured my heart and soul into my music and I didn't want the feelings that I had to be translated into music. I never wanted to compose something that volatile. But after seeing her pour everything into that one song, something in me clicked and the music just came to me.

I wanted to see her again, and maybe find out her name. I don't think she'll ever know the effect she had on me but at least I could find out who she was. After all, she was the catalyst for my breakthrough. So here it is, Thursday, and it was the first time since Saturday that I was able to make it to the music building. I stopped by earlier in the morning to reserve a room. Room 13 had an opening that worked with my schedule. So I decided to sign up for the same time slot for the next four weeks. The slot after me had also been reserved for the next four weeks under the name IMS. I proceeded through the day...class, class, lunch, class, and finally to the music building.

I had a good practice session. The piece I was composing was coming along nicely. I was once again enjoying the creativity and the release that came from my favorite activity. But I still hadn't so much as caught a glimpse of the brown eyes. When the timer buzzed indicated that my hour was up, I made up my mind to spend some time just hanging around, hoping I'd see her. You can imagine my surprise when I walked out of practice room 13 and nearly walked right into her. She was sitting on the floor reading a book while listening to her iPod. Our eyes met and she froze and my heart stopped. She was so beautiful and her eyes were bright with excitement. I don't know why but I just turned and started walking away but I only took two steps before I turned around and started walking towards her. She started to stand up, putting away her iPod and book. When I stopped in front of her, I could see the muscles in her neck start to tense. She was probably embarrassed due to what I walked in on last Saturday. Suddenly I thought of the perfect ice breaker:

"Muse or Debussy?" I asked smiling at her...causing her to blush.

"Neither...YoYo Ma." she replied. I was intrigued.

"Really? He is amazing. I've always wanted to see him in concert." And this was the truth. I thought he was an amazing musician.

"I have and he is even more incredible than I could have imagined. It was quite the experience. I would highly recommend attending one of his concerts if you ever get the chance." Her eyes brightened up and the tension left her neck. She was starting to relax.

"I'll have to do that. I noticed you were reading too. Do you mind if I ask what you were so interested in?"

"Nope, I don't mind at all....'Atlas Shrugged." Must be for class...

"Is that for class?" And she started blushing again. I wonder why? Seemed like a simple question.

"Actually it isn't. Just doing some reading for pleasure." I couldn't help but give her a disbelieving look and then I was just straight up curious. I haven't met many people that read Ayn Rand for pleasure.

I couldn't help just staring at her. The way she looked at me, it was almost as if she could see into the depths of my soul. I don't know how long I stood there looking at her but her quiet voice brought me out of my trance.

"Well, umm, I need to get some practice time in."

I shook my head, turned around, and started walking away. Once again I only took a few steps before glancing over my shoulder. I couldn't help but smirk. I could have sworn I just caught her staring at my ass. This made me chuckle but I tried to cover it up by saying:

"Bye"

Before I could make my retreat, she spoke.

"So, what's your name?"

I stopped, hesitated slightly and then turned with a smile and made my way back towards her but then I started to panic. This was how it all started with Jessica. We met over Spring Break my senior year of high school in this very music building. I was down visiting the campus and had managed to snag a practice room. When I walked out, she was part of a tour group that was coming down the hall. Ironically, this was the tour group that I was late meeting so I just joined up and continued the tour. By the end of the week we had exchanged email address and phone numbers. And then...well I just don't want to get into that.

I was battling with just walking away but I owed her more than that, so I said the first thing that came to my mind. It wasn't a lie but it was a way of protecting myself. I opened my mouth and said

"Anthony. My name is Anthony."

I felt terrible for the deception but I wanted to know her name so I asked.

"And do I get the pleasure of your name?" I noticed she hesitated and it looked like she was having the same type of internal conflict I just had but that couldn't be possible, could it? I looked at her questioningly. She most have noticed because she quickly said.

"Marie. My name is Marie."

"Well Marie, it was nice to meet you." And before she could respond I nearly ran out of the building.

I was on edge for the rest of the day. I knew I needed to calm down and talk to someone before I met my dad and sister for dinner tomorrow night so I pulled out my cell phone and called the only person that was able to help me.

"Dr. Kym? This is Edward Cullen."

"Hi Edward, how are you doing? I haven't seen you in a few weeks."

"Things are getting better but I've had a bad day today. I was wondering if you had any open appointments today?" Therapy was easy to accept after almost 5 months.

"Let me check...ummm...sorry Edward, I don't have any today but I do have one at 3:30 tomorrow. Can you make that?"

"That works, I'll see you then."

I was distracted for the rest of the day by the brown eyes that belonged to Marie, but by the time I got back to my room I realized I had massive amounts of homework to start on. Friday's are my easy day so I'd be able to knock out a lot of it by the time I left for my appointment with Dr. Kym. She is unconventional to say the least, but she works for me.

After getting back from my morning class on Friday, I started on my chemistry assignments and once I finished those, I started outlining a paper that was due next week for my literature class. When I had a good portion of work finished, I decided to pick out the "Anthem of the week" for Dr. Kym. This was the way we always started our sessions. I picked out a song that I would play before each session started. So I always had my iPod on hand when I went to her office. I had a really hard time opening up to Dr. Kym in the beginning so she suggested the Anthem of the Week routine. She could tell by the song I played at the start of each session to determine my mood and how my week had gone. She was really good at figuring it out too. So I got to work and found the perfect song for today's session.

I called Alice around lunchtime and told her that I'd meet her and dad at the restaurant that night. I was going to swing by and pick Jasper up after my session. I headed out around 2:30 hoping to hit a music store before my appointment. Dr. Kym's office isn't that far away but it is Friday and this is Seattle so I gave myself plenty of time to get there. It was only 3:00 when I arrived at the office so I had plenty of time to walk to the music store that was located on the next block. I browsed through the CD's for a few minutes before deciding on a Sigur Ros CD. I find that not many people I know listen to this band...okay no one I know listens to this band. But I like them. I also purchased a new notebook since it seems I'm composing again.

I made it back to Dr. Kym's office in plenty of time.

"So Edward, you know the drill. Let's here your song."

I set my iPod into the dock that was on the table and started the song.

Muse started playing. This weeks anthem "Uno"

_This means nothing to me_

_'Cause you are nothing to me_

_And it means nothing to me_

_That you blew this away_

_'Cause you could have been number one_

_If you only found the time_

_And you could have ruled the whole world_

_If you had the chance_

_You could have been number one_

_And you could have ruled the whole world_

_And we could have had so much fun_

_But you blew it away_

_You're still nothing to me_

_And this is nothing to me_

_And you don't know what you've done_

_But I'll give you a clue_

"So Edward, you've had one of those weeks I see."

She could always tell when the Jessica situation had been brought to the surface.

"From the song I can tell you are still battling with what Jessica did to you and in turn the trickle down affect she has had on your life. You want to believe that she is nothing to you and that your relationship was nothing to you, is this correct."

"Yes"

"But the tone of the song suggests something else to me. There is a dark undertone to it, something close to bitterness. I also feel a thread of denial laced throughout the song. So as much as you are trying to convince yourself that the relationship you had with Jessica as well as Jessica herself are nothing to you, you know that isn't true. Am I close?"

"As always, yes."

"So let's talk about that. Why do you feel you are battling these two opposing feelings?"

"I want her and the relationship to be nothing to me. I'm pissed and angry about what she did to me relationship wise. But I am even more angry and bitter about what she did to me personally. I know that doesn't make sense. Ummm...I guess....well here's the thing, I knew before going into a relationship with her or anybody, that there was a big possibility of getting emotionally hurt. That's part of the risks of a relationship. What I didn't expect was the effect the destruction of that relationship would have on other vital parts of my life...mainly my family and my music."

"I'm following you Edward. Could you expand a little more for me?"

"I would have never believed that anything would have come between me and composing. And I guess she didn't really cause me to stop composing, per se. But she had asked me for months to write her a song. She didn't understand that it wasn't that easy for me. I have to feel it before I can write it. It should have told me something that I couldn't write her a song. I've always been able to compose pieces for those I love. But I was in love with her, wasn't I, so this shouldn't have been so difficult. I convinced myself that the lack of inspiration to write her a song was something akin to writers block on my part and had nothing to do with the lack of feelings I actually had for her. So for the first time ever, I sat down and tried to write a song for someone. Instead of letting the music come to me, I tried to force it. It was very stressful and that disturbed me. Composing was never stressful for me before.

"For almost two months, I tried to force a composition but it just wasn't working. But after a while, I was able to finish the piece. I was so excited that I called Jessica and asked her to meet me at the music building. She didn't sound like her normal happy self but I was in too god of a mood to question her. So she met me at the music building and I found and empty classroom that had a piano in it. I told her I had a surprise for her. I even gave her flowers. She sat on the piano bench with me and I started to play. After I finished playing, I gave her the composition. I had bound it in a leather binder. I kissed her gently on the cheek and then more passionately on the lips. She pulled away quickly and just stared at me and finally asked me what it was. I told her it was her song. I was expecting her to shed a few tears and give me back the kisses I had just given her. The tears I got but what I wasn't expecting was her confession."

"So you relate composing to this experience. The last piece you composed brought you hurt and anger instead of peace and joy. Edward, you can't let that keep you from a very big part of your life. It may take a while, but you will be able to compose again. It's too much a part of who you are. You just need a muse, so to speak."

"Well I think I found it."

She looked shocked and pleased.

"That is wonderful Edward. What changed? Do tell."

So I told her all about the music room last Saturday and about the girl....Marie, as I now knew her name.

"Jessica was front and center in my head yesterday afternoon. And that caused me to be less than truthful to Marie."

"How so?"

"Too many similarities....remember how I met Jessica? Well I walked out of the practice room yesterday and Marie was just...there. I struck up a light hearted conversation with her but I could tell that she was uncomfortable so I started walking away. But she asked for my name. For some reason I couldn't tell her my name was Edward. In that moment all I could think about was how badly Jessica hurt me. If the circumstances had been different, I may have been able to answer that simple question but as it were, I panicked and introduced my self as Anthony."

"Not an outright lie but yes I can see the deception in that. Why did you give her your middle name?"

"The idea of opening myself up to new relationships, whether friendship, acquaintances, causal, or romantic, still...well...makes me...."

"Go on Edward."

"umm....yeah, well...it scares me. I told you that Jessica had a major impact on my musical side but she also caused me to shut down to the people I care for the most...my family. Alice and Jessica were roommates. I asked Alice to do it for me. My sister loves me and would do anything for me. She never really felt comfortable around Jessica, she felt she was not quite what she tried to make us believe but she did it for me. Alice ended up becoming quite close to Jessica despite her reservations. Again, she was doing it for me. I don't interact with my parents as much anymore either. After the relationship ended, my parents saw the way I shut down. They were so worried for me. And I hated seeing that worry and fear in their eyes. They still look at me like that, although things are getting better. I don't want to cause them anymore pain. So yes, I'm scared."

"Edward, that's nothing to be ashamed of. These walls you have built up are to protect you. We've discussed this but you have to remember too that these walls of protection can also be your destruction. I think you are making great progress now. The walls are starting to come down, you are recognizing and able to admit the issues you are having internally and being able to admit that you're scared, well Edward, that's a big step for you."

I exhaled a long cleansing breath and waited for her to continue.

"Edward, I think I'd like to start having weekly sessions with you again, at least for the next month. You are starting to make great progress and I just want to make sure you continue forward."

And with that the timer sounded.

"I'll make an appointment for next week. Thanks Dr. Kym."

"No problem...now go write some music."

I stopped by the reception desk on my way out to make an appointment and after getting my appointment card, I rode the elevator to the bottom floor. I was walking out of the front of the building when I stopped dead in my tracks. Getting out of the car that was parked in front of the building was Marie. I watched as she opened the door and leaned over. She kissed the driver of the car on the cheek and I could hear her say "Love you Jake." So she was talking to her boyfriend on the phone the other day. After reminding him to pick her up in about an hour, she shut the door and he drove off. I had started walking down the sidewalk when she came charging towards the door, with her head down, and nearly bowled me over in her hurry to get inside. She mumbled an apology over her shoulder and she was off again.

"I'm sorry, I'm running late."

"No worries, I'm still in one piece."

She laughed but never made eye contact with me.

"Well I need to go. I have some things I need to take care of." She hesitated and started to blush.

I nodded but then the realization of where we ran into each other hit me. I didn't want her to know where I was coming from. Luckily the building where Dr. Kym's office was located, also housed many other doctor's offices. She glanced at me once more before turning a brighter shade of red, turned around, and started towards the door again. I wanted say something to her, I didn't know what, but I just wanted to talk to her, so I called her name.

"Marie....Marie...MARIE." I was starting to wonder if she was deliberately ignoring me. After all she was only ten feet away from me.

After the third try she jerked her head up and met my eyes. She blushed again....man she was cute.

"Anthony, Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even recognize you." Anthony...I internally cringed when I heard that name come from her lips.

"Just slow down and be careful, the next guy you run over might not be so forgiving." I smiled at her and she blushed even more.

"I'll keep that in mind." And with that she walked thought the door.

I walked around for a little longer and then decided it was time to go pick up Jasper. We meet Carlisle and Alice around 6:00. Jasper and Alice seemed smitten with one another from the moment their eyes met. Alice hardly paid attention to me and our dad. Carlisle, in his normal laid back ways, just laughed at the two. He did seem disappointed that Bella hadn't been able to make it to dinner.

"Well it isn't like you won't get to see her. You and mom are moving to Forks and that is where her dad lives" Alice said in her playful sing song voice.

We had a great time visiting with dad and Jasper seemed to fit right in. I was glad my parents were moving close by. Alice was excitedly talking about color schemes and designs for the new house...which had yet to be purchased, she was getting ahead of herself. I was still slightly wound up from the therapy session but I was starting to feel better...almost at least. I felt terrible about lying to Marie about my name. I made a decision that the next time I saw her the first thing out of my mouth would be:

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen."

**A/N: Well, what do you think? I would love some feed back. I promise, you will get all the details of what happened between Edward and Jessica. I haven't decided if it will be a big purge or if I'm going to let the details trickle out. **

**Also, if anyone has any suggestions for "Anthems of the Week" that you would like to appear, please let me know. **


	12. Chapter 12: My Name is Marie?

**A/N: For those who are still sticking by and reading this, I apologize for the delay in updates. My husband has been out of town on business for the past 3 weeks and I'm home with the 2 year old....makes writing a little difficult. Plus I'm really anal so after I write a chapter, I read and edit it 2 or 3 times before I post. Oh and did I mention, I'm addicted to reading other fanfics, so much so, I tend to read instead of write....**

**Speaking of, I highly suggest reading "Breaking the Silence" by SparklingTwilight. It's long but it's an amazing story.**

**Also, I just wanna say "HI!!!" to Rolled-Over-Beethoven. Check out her stuff, it's wonderful!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine....if it were, I could afford to stay home and read fanfic all day!!!!**

**Chapter 12: My Name is Marie?**

"Marie. My name is Marie"

"Well Marie, it was nice to meet you."

And with that he turned and walked away...well more like ran away.

What the hell was I thinking!? I cannot believe I just introduced myself to this gorgeous stranger with my middle name. Alice is going to kill me. Hell, I might kill myself. But as angry as I was with myself, at least I had gotten a name out of him, but I had the feeling that he wasn't being truthful with me. He seemed surprised when I asked for his name and then he hesitated a little too long before giving me the name 'Anthony' but why would he lie about his name? 'Well I don't know Bella, why did you lie about your name?'

Ten minutes of my precious practice time had already lapsed so I pulled myself out of my internal monologue and got to work. (I swear sometimes I feel like I'm turning into JD). I spent a few minutes on warm up scales and then felt ready to face my demon. Last week, I was able to conquer it, albeit with some difficulties. I was hoping that this week would be even easier. After a few deep breaths I started to play Claire de Lune. I made it through the piece, only shedding a few tears. There was no snot, no shortness of breath, and no sign of a panic attack. I had no words to describe how I felt. Elated joy, immense happiness, ecstatic....nothing seemed to quite describe how I felt.

I still had quite a bit of practice time remaining so I decided to do something that always made me feel good. I started working on a new piece of music. Not surprisingly, this was a very upbeat and happy. This was also a great start to my the project I had been assigned in my composition class earlier n the week. The timer buzzed and I gathered my stuff to leave. I was half expecting to see green eyes...well Anthony, outside the room, that had become the normal, but then I realized that I had already seen him today. I became slightly disappointed, which surprised me. It shocked me that I actually wanted to know more about him. There was something in his eyes that I recognized. On the few occasions that I had seen him I saw hurt and bitterness, these were feelings I knew all to well.

I've never had much luck with relationships. I'm not a shy person, but I always found them to be too much work and not worth it in the end. In the past I'd had two serious relationships...well they seemed serious at the time. My first serious relationship occurred during my freshman year of high school and his name was Paul. He was a year older than I was and very good looking. He was smart, an athlete, a musician, and the parents loved him. The problem...my parents weren't the only set of parents that loved him. Like I said, he was smart. He only dated one girl at a time...one girl per high school that is. There were many high schools around the area and Paul made sure he had a girl at each location. Okay, that's an exaggeration but he did make sure he had at least two at a time.

I was devastated when I found out what was going on. It was just by chance I stumbled on to his scheme. Jake and I decided a trip to the next town to visit his cousin, Leah, was a perfect way to spend an otherwise sure to be, boring, weekend. Katie and Elizabeth were both out of town so we were left to our own devices. Jake, by the way, didn't think much of Paul from the start. Leah was ecstatic that we were coming to visit and told us that we could join her and her friends at the lake on Saturday. Neither Jake or I had our license yet, so Renee offered to drive us over. Leah was going to take us home on Sunday. We were ready to go bright and early on Saturday. We met Leah at her house and she drove us to the lake. There were about ten of her friends waiting when we got there. She was just a year older than I was so everyone was around the same age. Leah and I started talking about our boyfriends and found it funny that we were each dating a guy named Paul. Her Paul was going to be at the lake later in the day, so we'd get to meet him.

"Well I sure hope he is better than Bella's Paul" Jake sneered.

"Jake, what has Paul ever done to you? He likes you. How many guys would be totally cool about their girlfriend's best friend being another guy?"

"I just don't like him, there is something off about him. Besides, I think he is a playa."

I smacked Jake in the back of the head and Leah laughed. Jake reached over the seat, ruffled my hair and tickled me.

"You two act like a couple." Leah wasn't the first person to suggest that, but me and Jake weren't like that.

The day was going wonderfully. Leah's friend, Emily, talked her dad into bringing the boat down that day and he spent hours giving boat rides to all of us. Around lunchtime, all hell broke lose. Leah and I had taken a break from the boat and decided it was time for some food. Jake agreed as did a few others. We were sitting around the picnic tables enjoying our lunch when I got the surprise of a lifetime. A very attractive guy started walking towards our table. I had on a big pair of what I liked to refer to as "bug sunglasses" as well as a big floppy hat. I didn't look like my normal self so I wasn't surprised when he didn't recognize me. Leah's back was to him so she didn't see him.

"Hey Leah...hottie at 12:00." I was smiling like a fox in a henhouse. I couldn't believe he was here. I couldn't remember telling him where I'd be this weekend. I guess he talked to Renee. Leah turned around and I saw a big smile spread across her face.

"Yes, he is a hottie."

By this time, he was close enough to see us, but he still didn't recognize me. I jumped up and started running towards him, only to turn and see Leah doing the same thing. When we were about 20 feet from him we both yelled

"Paul!!!!"

Okay, that's weird. He came to an abrupt stop and looked panicked. He started shooting glances between the two of us. I whipped my sunglasses off and realization dawned on him.

"B...Bell...Bella??? L..Leah??"

Then it dawned on me and Leah. And worst of all....Jake. He was by our side within seconds.

"What the hell?" This was echoed between all four of us.

Leah was furious, Jake was beyond the ability to speak, Paul was in shock, so I knew I had to take the lead.

"So Paul, I see you know Leah?" I asked as I crossed my arms across my chest and raised my eyebrows.

"You could say that" he muttered, "How do you know her?"

"Well this is Jake's cousin. We've known each other for years."

"Well fuck me."

That's when Leah came to life.

"Not anymore, you jackass." And she slapped him hard across the face.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Paul" I was still trying to be the calm one.

"It isn't what it looks like."

"Yeah, that's original" Leah spat

"Can't you at least try to come up with a half way fuckin believable excuse, you pathetic loser." Jake was getting better it seemed.

"Well Paul, let me tell you what I think is going on and then you can correct me or fill in the blanks...So I think you saw me, a poor lowly freshman, fresh meat is the term, isn't that correct, and decided to try to whooo the Swan girl, see how far she'd let you get? Am I getting close?"

Paul started trying to take a few steps back, but Jake was already on his feet.

"You will wait until Leah and Bella have had their say." Jake might have been two years younger than Paul but what he lacked in age, he made up for in build.

"So Paul...WHY?" I asked, but honestly at this point, I didn't really want the answer.

"Umm. uhh... well...You were always the sweet one. I had so much fun with you discussing music and all but the truth is, you wouldn't put out. A man has needs and mine weren't being met, not by you anyway. Leah gave me what I needed. And Christy...well she's just hot"

"Christy, who the hell is Christy."

Paul was so busted. And with that, I lost the calm facade I'd been presenting. The next thing I remembered was Paul rolling around on the ground, holding his man pieces. Apparently my right knee is a pretty powerful weapon. He managed to pull himself off the ground a few minutes later and that's when he made his biggest mistake.

"You bitches will pay for this."

BAM....and Paul hit the ground again, only this time, he didn't get up...at least not for a good while.

Apparently Jake's right hook is more powerful than my knee.

At least my second serious relationship didn't end with the guy withering in pain and me feeling terribly betrayed. Matter of fact, I ended up with something more important than a romantic relationship. Jake...my best friend, my soul mate--but not in the usual sense of the word.

By the time I made it back to the room, Alice was there. I decided to heat up the left over lasagna and fix a fresh salad.

"Edward wanted me to tell you thanks for supper last night. He was greatly impressed."

I blushed. I know I cook well but compliments always leave my cheeks a little red.

I decided it was time to fess up to Alice.

"Well I found out the gorgeous strangers name today."

And with that I told her all about the encounter.

"Why did you give him your middle name?"

"I don't know, I guess I just froze up. I still have a lot of issues left behind from James. I can't explain it but I'm working hard to figure it all out. But I did notice there was something different about Anthony. Usually when I'm alone with a male, except Jake, I don't know, I panic. I don't know why, hard to explain, but I do. I feel terribly uncomfortable and claustrophobic. I could feel my neck tensing up when I called him back to me but as soon as he spoke, a feeling of calm and peace washed over me."

"That's wonderful Bella. You should have lots of good things to report to Dr. Kym tomorrow. Speaking of that, are you sure you don't want me to take you or pick you up?"

"I'm sure, I want you to enjoy your time with your family....and Jasper!!!!"

I don't think I've ever seen Alice turn so red or flash a bigger smile.

"Jake said he'd be my taxi service tomorrow."

Friday's are my easy day. I have a few morning classes but my whole afternoon is free. Alice met me for lunch and she talked excitedly about what she was going to wear to dinner tonight.

"I wish you could go. I really want you to meet Edward and Jasper. Edward stays so busy that he hardly has time for a social life."

"I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to meet him and hang out."

"I don't know about that Bella. Edward has always been very focused. When he wants something, he goes after it and gets it. This has proven true in all aspects of his life.... That's probably the biggest reason he never saw Jessica for what she was...he was too focused on what he thought they had." She mumbled this last part.

"Anyway, he spends most of his time studying, shadowing doctors, volunteering, or drowning himself in music. Like I said, not much time for a social life. He has become even more withdrawn ever since last semester."

I desperately wanted to know what happened between Edward and Jessica but it wasn't my place to pry.

"Bella, I promise, we'll have this talk soon. Plus, I'm dying to know about you and Jake."

We agreed to a girls day tomorrow.

After we finished lunch, we went back to our room. Alice started throwing clothes on her bed and getting frantic. I pulled out one of my favorite books, curled up on my bed, and started reading. Jake called around 3:30 and asked if he could pick me up early, he wanted to make a stop on his way. So I got ready and met him outside my dorm.

Turns out Jake wanted to go to a book store. He and Angela had been talking over the past few days and she suggested some books he might like to read. Jake never willingly read books so I knew he was interested in getting to know her. He made his purchase and then drove me to Dr. Kym's. I was very nervous. It took me long enough to agree to therapy in the first place. Dr. Leslie was a great therapist and it took me a good month to open up to her fully. I was worried that I would take a step back having to start with a new therapist. At least she already knew my history so instead of having to divulge it all, she could just ask questions.

We came to a stop in front of the 4 story building that held Dr. Kym's practice. I opened my door and leaned over and gave Jake a kiss on the cheek. Like always I told Jake I loved him before getting out of the car. I also reminded him he needed to come back to get me...he can be forgetful at times. Once I shut the door, I nearly ran for the door, but I slammed into something hard. I didn't even look up...I knew I had almost knocked someone down and I didn't want to look in their face, looking down at their shoes was confirmation enough.

"I'm sorry, I'm running late."

"No worries, I'm still in one piece."

I knew that voice. I laughed and took a chance and looked up. I saw him...it was Anthony. I became flustered. Where was he coming from? But then I remembered why I was here. I needed to get out of this situation. I was late and I didn't want to linger and give Anthony a chance to ask where I was heading to in such a hurry.

"Well I need to go. I have some things I need to take care of." I hesitated, feeling the warmth spread across my face.

He nodded. I could have sworn he was hiding something. He's eyes were guarded. But I tore my gaze away and started for the door again. I was stopped by that handsome and husky voice. Then I realized that he'd been trying to get my attention for a while. Understanding dawned on me. He'd been calling my name...no my middle name, the name I never used and I completely ignored him.

"Marie....Marie...MARIE."

Marie doesn't even register for me. Once I figured out that he was talking to me, I stopped, spun on my heel and faced him. Once again, my face turned red. I had to stop this effect he had on me. Well there was only one thing left to do....face the music.

"Anthony, Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even hear you."

"Just slow down and be careful, the next guy you run over might not be so forgiving." He smiled at me and I swear my head was going to explode. How much can one person blush in the span of five minutes.

"I'll keep that in mind." And with that I turned and walked through the door.

My appointment with Dr. Kym went so much better than I could have ever imagined. She was young and down to earth. I loved her style of therapy. She had taken the time to thoroughly review my case file and already had a list of questions she wanted to ask. A good portion of those settled on why I had so much trouble playing the piano after James, why I had trouble being alone with guys (except for Jacob of course), and also how the move has effected me so far. I told her as much as I could in that hour. I even told her about Anthony. She seemed very interested in this and I swore I could have seen the corner of her mouth turn upwards, even if was only slightly. I jumped when the buzzer sounded, indicating that our time was up.

Before I left, she told me about her "Anthem of the Week." This was a very interesting concept to me. Basically, I was to pick a song that reflected how I was feeling. It could represent the week as a whole or a specific incident. She said it was easy for people to relate through music and it was also a great way to start a session. We would play the song at the start of the session and then discuss the significance of the selection. I was starting to think that I was really going to get along wonderfully with Dr. Kym.

I made an appointment for the following week and then met Jake. We grabbed some food on the way back to the dorms. Alice wouldn't be home for a while, so Jake and I decided to catch up with our parents and Katie. I called my mom, only to get voicemail...yet again. I knew they were going to be busy with Phil's new job so I just told her to call me when she had some free time. Jake talked to his dad. They act more like friends most of the time, but it works for them. We decided to make a trip to Forks and La Push over the Labor Day weekend. I called my dad to see if it was okay with him. He was ecstatic. Jake called his relatives at La Push and told them our plans. They told Jake to bring car loads of people....the more the merrier. Plus the La Push Labor Day weekend festivities were famous.

God I love my roommate. She brought me the best dessert I've ever had. Unfortunately, Jake had never tasted something so good either, so he ate half of it. We told her all about La Push and she immediately started planning out her wardrobe. She thought that Carlisle and Esme may have even moved to Forks by then. Jake left after he devoured the dessert, hugged me and Alice, and headed back to his dorm. As soon as the door shut, Alice pounced on me. Oh yeah, she had a wonderful time at dinner.

"Oh my god Bella, Jasper is so hot. He's really smart and super nice too. Carlisle already likes him. And Edward thinks he's great too, so that will make getting to know him a lot easier. Can I invite him to come to La Push?"

"Of course, the more the merrier. Do you think Edward will be able to join us? I can't believe I still haven't had the chance to meet him."

"I'll make sure he comes, I can give him the pouty face...no one in the Cullen family can resist that face. Edward was actually in a pretty good mood tonight. He is becoming more and more like the old Edward. Something obviously has happened this past week that has affected him."

It wasn't too late yet, so we walked across the common room to see if Angela and Rosalie wanted to watch a movie. Rosalie was off with Emmett but Angela was up for it. We commandeered the couch in the common room and popped in Napoleon Dynamite. Angela asked me a few questions about Jake. I smiled...this could work. About half way through the movie, Rosalie and Emmett showed up. I think Emmett was surprised by our movie selection. The two of us started immediately quoting the movie. He was so much like the big brother I never had. Rosalie could see that pulling Emmett away from the movie was a lost cause, so she made herself comfortable. After it was over, I told them all about our plans to go to La Push over Labor Day weekend. I was surprised but happy when they all agreed to go. Now we had to find places for eight people to sleep. Charlie had a spare bedroom, in addition to mine. Jake had some family that lived in La Push, and Alice said that although the house wouldn't be in perfect condition, she knew her parents wouldn't mind offering up their spare rooms. I thought this was funny considering they hadn't even picked out a house yet.

Before saying good night, Angela and Rosalie invited Alice and myself to hang out tomorrow. We hadn't really had much of a chance to do that, so we quickly agreed.

We had an action packed Saturday.

We started with breakfast and then it was off for manicures and pedicures. I skipped the manicure, nails and piano don't mix well. So I just opted to go with a hand massage and a pedicure. It was wonderful to relax. It was then off to the mall. Since we were all going to La Push, Alice decided we all needed new bathing suits, shoes, sunglasses, clothes....she uses any excuse to shop. But, to my utter amazement, I had a blast shopping. We finished the day with supper and ice cream. I was beat when we got back to the room. After a hot shower, I crawled into bed. I tried to go to sleep but was to hyped. Spending the day with Alice, Rosalie, and Angela was so much fun. I felt like things were starting to fall into place for me, finally. After thinking about all the fun I had with my new friends that day, I started to get sleepy. Right before drifting off to sleep, I realized that Alice and I hadn't been able to have our talk. Those thoughts quickly turned to green eyes...the eyes that belong to Anthony.

"Marie. My name is Marie."

I was interested in getting to know him. But I didn't know him and I was already deceiving him. Could I ever tell him the truth? Would he want to get to know me after finding out that I had lied to him? Marie....he thinks my name is Marie. What the hell was I thinking?

**A/N: So does anyone have any song suggestions for "Anthem of the Week?"**


	13. Chapter 13: Let's Meet

**A/N: I just wanted to thank all of you who have signed up for story alerts. I hope you are enjoying the story so far. I had a bit of writers block but managed to get through it...finally. I'm hoping to get at least 2 chapters written over the next few days. I'm excited about the ideas I have and hope you will all like them too. **

**Special thanks to Rolled-Over-Beethoven. She's a gem and always offers wonderful reviews. Check out her stuff, it's amazing.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but this messed up plot. I wish I were SM.**

**Chapter 13: Let's Meet**

**BPOV**

The next few days passed without too many embarrassing incidents. Which for me, was considered a miracle. We were all excited about our trip to La Push that was scheduled for the following weekend. Alice had extended the invitation to Jasper and Edward. Jasper was all for going but Edward, like Alice had warned, was too busy to get away. Carlisle and Esme were already in Forks scoping out the real estate. They had found three houses they really liked but wanted both Alice and Edward to have inputs. It was decided that they would drive to Forks on Friday to meet their parents and to look at houses. Alice was excited about making two trips to Forks in two weeks...she got to shop more. She invited me to go, but I declined since I had a therapy appointment. I was actually looking forward to to talking with Dr. Kym. I had made progress that I was anxious to share with her.

I was walking to the music building early Tuesday morning. Since classes started, I'd been keeping up with piano practice but I had been neglecting my clarinet. So I had set up some private tutoring time with one of my performance professors. I decided to stop at the coffee shop to grab a coffee as well as pastry for breakfast. I was deep in thought about my upcoming clarinet session and waiting for my Mint Chocolate Latte when I was driven out of my thoughtful state.

"Marie...we just keep running into one another it seems." I saw the big green eyes.

"Hi Anthony. It does seem that way. You're out early."

"Yeah, I have a room reserved. I don't get over very often so I jump at the chance to get any extra time I can. You're out early yourself."

"Don't mention it....I don't like being up this early, but I have a session with my performance professor, Dr. Smithwick, this morning. I've been keeping up with the piano but slacking with the clarinet. She is helping me get back up to speed."

"You are having private sessions with Dr. Smithwick? That's impressive."

"How so?"

"Don't you know? She has a reputation. Are you a freshman?" He asked incredulously. This annoyed me.

"Nope, I'm a sophomore. I transfered at the beginning of the semester. Why does that have anything to do with Dr. Smithwick?"

"Well she isn't the nicest of people...actually most people refer to her as Professor Bitch."

I had, in fact, heard others call her that, but I would never have anything but kind and wonderful thoughts about her.

"Well she's never been anything but nice to me. She's one of the biggest reasons I was able to keep my scholarship." My tone was harsh, but I didn't care. This woman nearly single handedly saved my college education as well as my dreams.

I started blushing and realized that I may have opened up a can of worms that I wasn't quite ready to share yet.

The truth was simply this. Dr. Smithwick was part of the committee that attended my audition. After the stuff with James happened and we realized I wouldn't be able to attend the first semester of my freshman year, my mom contacted her and she petitioned the music department on my behalf to allow my scholarship to be extended until the spring semester. When we found out when the trial would take place, delaying my attendance yet again, she once again went to bat for me. She obviously knew the circumstances surrounding my delayed attendance. It just so happened that she was promoted to the head of the Music Department over the summer.

I met with her the first week of classes and she offered to give me private lessons on the clarinet, the instrument she specialized in. I was in awe when she made the offer. After all, this was a woman who had playing in the Vienna Philharmonic, the Boston Philharmonic, and had been the principle clarinetist in the New York Philharmonic. So of course I jumped at the chance. When I questioned her as to why she would do this for me she simply smiled and said "I see potential in you, plus, I think you could use a break. You've seen too much hate the past year. It's time for you to see some kindness."

Anthony brought me back to the present.

"You're here on a music scholarship....a full music scholarship?" I could have sworn I saw disbelief flash briefly in his eyes.

Again I started blushing. It kind of pisses me off that he can do that to me so easily.

"Yes, I'm here on a full scholarship."

"That's incredible. This school doesn't give out but five full music scholarships a year. They are really hard to get. You must be pretty awesome." Disbelief was replaced with...awe.

I didn't think it was possible for me to turn even more red, but I did..actually I think I was bordering on a shade closer to purple.

"Ummm...I don't know about being awesome, but I really appreciate the compliment."

He looked at me shaking his head. The corner of his mouth pulling up into that crooked smile that sent my heart speeding out of my chest. I happened to glance down at my watch.

"Shit, I'm going to be late and although I've never met her, I don't want to meet Professor Bitch. I think I prefer Dr. Smithwich to her any day."

Anthony laughed.

"Can I walk with you to the music building? I don't want to be late and chance losing the practice room."

"Sure, no problem."

We drank our coffee as we made our way quickly to the music building. He asked how often I had private sessions with Dr. Smithwick and I told him every Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Before parting ways, I got the shock of my life.

"Would you be interested in meeting me for coffee before your session on Thursday?"

"Uh...ummm..." composing myself "Sure, that would be great. Meet at 7:00?"

"That sounds great. See you on Thursday Marie."

I was filled with two very conflicting emotions. I was elated that this gorgeous god like creature actually asked me to join him for coffee, but that was all overshadowed by the fact that he was still calling me Marie. I knew I was going to have to tell him the truth, but that would first require me to suck it up and gain the courage to do that.

**EPOV**

Well I sure screwed up. I promised myself after my last appointment with Dr. Kym that the next time I saw Marie I would tell her the truth. I would introduce myself again, this time using my real name...Edward Cullen. I know Anthony was my name as well but I still felt like I was being terribly deceitful. So when I saw Marie on Tuesday morning at the coffee shop on campus, I knew what I had to do.

My plan was firmly in place as I approached her, but when I reached her and she turned to face me, all reasoning went out the window. I really wanted to get to know Marie and I was positive if she found out I had already lied to her, I wouldn't get that chance. I still couldn't figure out why I was so eager to get to know her. If I was totally honest, after getting burned by Jessica, I was scared of getting close to girls. Even in a friend capacity. She really fucked me up.

So I made the snap decision to continue with the facade. I would just deal with the consequences later. I was already working on borrowed time, so I might as well make the best of it. I thought about getting advice from Alice. She was after all, not only my sister but my best friend. If not for her, I would have continued to spiral into the dark abyss last semester. But I didn't want to drag her into another situation that had the potential to end badly. Especially because, although I had only exchanged a few words with Marie, and they really weren't of much depth, I knew Alice would have fallen in love with her.

By the time we had gotten our coffee, we were both running late. Before parting in the lobby of the music building, I did something that shocked me. I felt like someone else had taken control of my vocal cords. I asked her how often she had private sessions and she told me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I asked her if she would like to meet me for coffee on Thursday morning. To my utter elation, she agreed.

I finally made it to the practice room where I promptly started playing the piece I had just started composing. I found myself thinking about Marie. I had learned quite a bit of information from her this morning, more than she probably realized she had given me. First of all, I knew she transfered at the beginning of the semester. She was also attending on a full music scholarship. I don't think she realized how difficult it was to qualify for the scholarship, let alone to actually win it. I was very curious about her relationship with Dr. Smithwick. I didn't care what Marie said, Dr. Smithwick was a bitch. She was my performance professor last semester and she was constantly on my case. I was one of the best students in her class, and I'm not even a music major. I couldn't understand then nor do I understand now, why she always seemed to be so annoyed and irritated with me.

"Mr. Cullen, is this the best you have?"

I stared at Dr. Smithwick in shock.

"Well I only started on the piece last week." This was the piece that I was working on for Jessica. I figured it may help move things along if I worked on it as an assignment as well. At least there would be some motivation behind it.

"I expect their to be some improvement by next week. Something is missing. You have everything right technically but the piece is not moving me...musically."

The piece was never up to par for her, but I did get an A for the composition.

I was just getting to the middle of my new composition, the part that I was having the most trouble with, when another vital piece of information fell into place. Marie was awarded a full music scholarship but she didn't attend the University of Washington her freshman year. Those scholarships are awarded for four year terms. She also stated that Dr. Smithwick was a big reason why she was able to keep that scholarship. The University almost never defers scholarships. That on top of the realization that Dr. Smithwick was giving private lessons to Marie, which is a rarity in and of itself, I came to the conclusion that there was something special about this girl. I couldn't wait until coffee on Thursday morning.

**BPOV**

I didn't have time to think about my conversation with Anthony until after my session with Dr. Smithwick. Which by the way, kicked ass. I can't believe people refer to her as Professor Bitch. She was awesome, tough, but still amazing. I could see how her tough exterior can intimidate people, but my personal opinion....people just don't know how to handle the success she had acquired throughout the years. Not only did I have fun, but I actually learned from her as well. I learned that for years, I'd been holding my posture all wrong. She showed me the correct position and with a few minor adjustments, I was able to take deeper breaths, which allowed for longer musical phrases to be played. I was floating when I left her office. I couldn't wait until Thursday morning.

Well If I was being truly honest with myself, yes I was excited about another lesson with Dr. Smithwick, but I also was looking forward to having coffee with Anthony. I still couldn't believe he actually asked me to join him for coffee. I couldn't wait to tell Alice. I decided to ask her to join me for lunch today. So I whipped out my cell phone and started texting.

Wanna meet for lunch today? Got some news to share on green eyes.

~Bella

Hell Yeah!!!! The Cafe at 12:30?

~Alice

See you then!!

~Bella~

My next two classes flew by and before I knew it, it was time to meet Alice. Luckily I made it to Cafe early and was able to grab my food, otherwise, I may not have gotten the chance. Alice literally bounced into the place and didn't even bother with food. It was starting to get crowded with hungry college kids so she didn't see me when she first walked through the door. I could see the top of her head bouncing up and down through the crowd. When she hadn't found me after a good length of time, I started to get worried and decided to go look for her....that's when I saw it. A tall, blond hair, blue eyed babe....and Alice was perched on his shoulders. She had the goofiest grin on her face and her eyes darted back and forth looking for me. Once she spotted me, she tapped the guy on the shoulder and he lowered her down. I lost her in the crowd again, but it didn't take long for her to find me. She ran up to me and I thought her high pitched squeal was going to shatter the windows.

"Bella....did you see that guy!!!!"

"Yes Alice, I saw him. Have you ever seen him before? You know, it's not safe to attach yourself to a complete stranger." I swear I would never know where she found her courage.

"Oh, he's no stranger....that was Jasper!!!!"

"Wow!!! He's hot!! Why didn't you invite him to join us?"

"Well, I thought about it, but I wanted you all to myself today so I could hear about green eyes. Plus he was meeting Edward for lunch somewhere off campus."

She looked disappointed but quickly turned back to the subject at hand.

"So Bella....SPILL!!!!"

I recounted in full detail, I might add, my conversation with Anthony. Alice was thrilled. She was already asking if she could meet him and I could have sworn I heard 'double date' and 'wedding planning' somewhere between her hundred mile an hour chatter. She does have an imagination. Once she stopped planning my future for me, I told her about my lesson with Dr. Smithwick.

After having lunch with Alice, I wondered over to the library and decided to do some homework. I had a 3:00 class so going back to the room was a bit pointless. I found a nice quiet chair in the corner of the library and took out my Comparative Literature homework. Literature was my second love. We were starting off easy since it was the beginning of the year. Our first paper assignment, which was due next week, was a 'free' paper. My lit professor, Dr. Masters, told the class to pick our favorite work of literature, no matter the genre, and pick any theme and write about it. I knew this trick. This was an easy way to see what types of literature the students gravitated towards as well as get a good handle on our analytical abilities.

I was having trouble deciding between a few book choices. I couldn't decided if I wanted to go with a classic such as Pride and Prejudice, a fantasy such as Harry Potter, or something more philosophical like Atlas Shrugged, which I was currently reading...again. So I decided to really screw with Dr. Masters head. I'm sure he wouldn't be expecting what I was planning. I decided to write a comparative paper, using all three books. It took me a while to come up with a theme that I could apply to all three books (well two books and one series), but once it came to me, I had to laugh at myself. It was too obvious. The theme would simply focus on the role that social classes played in each work. Even more specific, how social class affected the main characters and their actions, thus influencing all those around them. I immediately started working on my outline.

I thought I was going to be late for my music theory class but luckily the professor walked in five minutes late. After class I decided to sign up for some more practice time. I knew that after my upcoming session on Friday, I may need to de stress a bit. I found an open time slot in practice room four. I had one more class in the music building, my last class of the day. Tuesdays were my long day. Instead of walking back to my room, I found the lounge area and grabbed a granola bar out of the vending machine. I found a comfy couch and decided to hang out for a bit. I pulled out my iPod and decided that I was in the mood to rock. I needed to hear some hardcore drumming. So of course I quickly found my selection of Rush. Neil Peart is my drumming god. I pulled out my Lit assignment and intended to finish my outline while listening to the awesome sounds of drum sticks against drum heads, but I should have known better.

I must have really been getting into the music because when I opened my eyes, I had an audience. I didn't realize that somewhere during the first few minutes of listen to Rush, I had abandoned my outline, closed my eyes, and started playing air drums. Only...I was using my knees, thighs, and the couch as my drum set as well as slamming my foot into the floor pretending it was a foot pedal. I could feel the heat of my embarrassment creep not only onto my face but on my neck, hands, feet, hell my whole body. I slowly took the earbuds out of my ears and gave a very quiet and squeaky 'sorry' to my observers, who by this time, were fully amused at my antics and struggling not to fall on the floor laughing. I started putting away my books, the thought of ditching class all together was starting to sound really good. But I was stopped when huge guy set down beside me.

"That was very entertaining. I must say, I don't think I've seen a girl play air drums like that before."

"Well I'm glad that you were able to witness my utter humiliation."

"Do you play the real drums or do you just use whatever is within arms reach to beat on?"

"I play a little, I decided back in January that it was time to add another instrument to my arsenal. The piano and clarinet are fun to play, but I found I needed a way to funnel my rage, so the drums seemed like the obvious choice."

"I couldn't agree more. By the way, I'm Felix."

"Hi Felix. I'm Bella."

Okay I was thrown for a loop here. It was so easy to tell this guy my real name. So why did I balk when talking to Anthony. Hmmm, something to discuss with Dr. Kym.

"So are you still practicing the drums?"

"Not at the moment. I'm already having to keep up with the piano and clarinet. I can't let either of those slip. I can't afford to lose my scholarship. Plus I wasn't able to bring my drums from home. Don't think my suite mates would be too happy if I decorated our common room with them, not to mention, the 6am wake up calls I would be tempted to try out."

"You're a scholarship kid? Me too, but I'm on a partial. What about you?"

"I'm on a full scholarship."

He gave me the same look Anthony did back at the coffee shop. What was up with that.

"You know, full scholarships are a prized possession around these parts. You must be pretty good."

Okay, I was definitely going to talk to Dr. Smithwick. He was the second person today to give me that same little speech. I glanced at the clock on the wall and noticed I had five minutes before my next class. Luckily it was in the same building. I grabbed my stuff and turned to tell Felix bye.

"It was nice to meet you Felix, but I can't be late for my next class. And thanks for the compliment...but I can't assure you, I'm just an average musician."

"Well I doubt that, but whatever you say. Hey, if you are interested in getting in more drumming time, let me know. I'm supposed to give lessons as part of my education degree. I want to teach one day. Since it's for a grade, there's no charge."

He held out a piece of paper with his phone number on it.

"I'll think about it and let you know. Thanks."

I turned and started to my next class and decided I would talk to Dr. Smithwick about this Felix guy before making any decisions.

I was so glad when the last class of the day ended. I couldn't wait to get back to the room and relax. Tonight was going to be a grab and run night for food. I was way too tired to cook. I knew Alice wouldn't mind grabbing take out from the food court, especially if I told her when needed to talk boys over supper. I needed to tell her about Felix and I'm sure she was about to burst at the seams to talk about Jasper.

Sure enough, as soon as I walked in our room, I was assaulted.

"Bella, let's do a grab and run. I know you're tired plus I want to talk about boys."

"It's amazing how closely our minds work together, I was thinking the same thing."

So off we trotted to the food court to grab our take out. We even grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry's to put in the freezer for desert, okay so we really grabbed two. We got back to the room and settled on the floor to eat and talk. We finished the main course and moved on to ice cream. I have learned since meeting Alice that she is full of surprises. She says the most random things and makes the strangest predictions. But even knowing that, I was unprepared for what came out of her mouth. So much so, I nearly choked on a bite of Cookie Dough ice cream I had just put in my mouth.

"Bella....I'm going to marry Japser!!!!!"

Stunned silence, tears running down my face due to chocking on ice cream. I mean, that's worse than choking on a pretzel in front of your dog while watching football on TV.

"Excuse me Alice....did you just say you were going to marry Jasper?"

"Yes I did and yes I am." The look of certainty on her face let me know she meant business.

"Oh and Bella....your perfect half is out there, the man that is going to complete you. Did I mention you've already met him?"

"Alice, I love you, really I do, but that sounds absolutely absurd."

"Bella, I'm going to overlook what you just said. But I promise, you'll learn the mantra of my family.....Never bet against Alice!!!"

**A/N: I don't usually beg for reviews, but please leave me some love :)**


	14. Chapter 14: Cancellations and Hook Ups

**A/N: This chapter contains underage drinking. I do not promote that activity but I also know what college is like. No matter your age, if you drink, just be safe. **

**I know this chapter is more filler than anything, but the characters just took over. I hope it wasn't too boring for you all.**

**Chapter 14: Cancellations and Hook Ups**

**BPOV**

I don't know how long I sat there staring at Alice after the revelation she just shared. I knew she was being ridiculous but for the briefest of seconds, I couldn't help but hope she was right. When I was finally able to speak I just laughed.

"Well I guess you'll just have to prove the family mantra to me."

She glared at me and huffed. Uh Oh, I was in trouble. But she quickly dropped the glare and replaced it with a mischievous grin.

"Silly Bella, you just wait."

We spent the rest of the evening discussing her upcoming weekend trip to Forks, as well as Anthony. But the dominate topic of conversation was by far....Jasper. Alice really seemed to like him. I couldn't figure out how she knew so much about him, but apparently they had been talking through email, phone calls, as well as meeting for lunch everyday. She had it bad. They had yet to label their relationship due to Edward. Both Alice and Jasper made the decision to talk to Edward before jumping into anything serious. Alice respected her brother and wanted his approval. She planned to broach the subject this weekend, while driving to Forks. If things went well, Jasper planned to talk to Edward when they returned. He planned to ask permission. I had to laugh at that. It reminded me too much of asking for someone's hand in marriage. But I had to say, I was impressed by the eagerness of Jasper to do things properly. He truly was a gentleman.

Wednesday flew by quickly. I started on my Comparative Lit paper and it was coming along nicely. I was in a great mood but I knew deep down it was due to the fact that I would get to see Anthony in the morning followed by a lesson with Dr. Smithwick. I was anxious to see him again and hopefully learn more about him. I didn't know why but all of a sudden, I started worrying about what I would wear. Luckily for me, I live with Alice. She was all too thrilled to help me pick something out. I was scared she'd pick something out that would make me feel even more self conscious about myself but she didn't.

By the time I crawled into bed, Alice had already laid out my clothes for the next day. A pair of black capri pants, a deep blue wrap around top that tied on the side, and to finish off the outfit, a pair of black ballet flats. I was impressed. She knew what she was doing. She decided she would get up with me in the morning and do my make up. I didn't object, which surprised me. I didn't mind wearing make up but I usually didn't take the time, but I wanted to impress Anthony.

When the alarm went off at 5:45, I almost decided it was more worthwhile to get a little more sleep than impress Anthony, but Alice drug me out of bed and pushed me towards the shower. Good thing I shower fast. I was out in 10 minutes. By 6:15 I was dressed and my make up was complete. I dried my hair and decided to fix it in a lose knot at the base of my neck. Alice threaded a matching blue ribbon through the bun and I was ready to go. I was quite impressed with how the whole look turned out. Alice kept the make up subtle, which I greatly appreciated. I didn't look overly done up and it didn't look like I was trying too hard. I'd have to let Alice play dress up more often.

I was out the door by 6:45. I made it to the coffee shop with a few minutes to spare. I ordered my coffee and pastry and then picked out a table and set my books down. Three things happened simultaneously. I saw Anthony walk in, our eyes locked, and the barista called out "Order for Bella." My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. There weren't many people in the coffee shop yet. I didn't know how I would make it to the counter and collect my purchases before Anthony figured it all out.

Seems it was my lucky day. At the same moment the barista called 'Bella', a brown headed girl walked up to Anthony and started talking to him. I hurried to the counter to collect my things and made my way back to the table. After briefly talking with the brown headed girl, Anthony got his coffee and started walking towards the table, looking pissed off. Maybe he wasn't as oblivious as I thought. I just knew I was getting ready to get busted.

So I mentally prepared myself to just spill the truth. I stood up from my chair, took a deep breath and started to apologize.

"Anthony...I'm sor..."

That's all I was able to get out because Anthony stopped dead in his tracks and I swear he was gawking at me. I felt the blush rising in my cheeks. Were my pants unzipped, did I have something on my face, did the wrap come untied. No, everything was exactly as it should have been.

I looked back up to Anthony and he had managed to close his mouth and was now smiling at me.

"Good morning Marie. You look nice today."

Relief washed through me and after regaining my composure, I was able to join the conversation.

"Thank you. I like your shirt." He was wearing a Muse shirt. He looked amused.

We sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before he broke the silence.

"So how are your classes going? Any interesting assignments so far?"

"Well actually I'm working on a very interesting paper for my Comparative Lit class. We had to pick our favorite piece of literature and write a paper on any theme. The professor wants to see how well we analyze. I decided to throw him a curve ball. I'm comparing Pride and Prejudice, the Harry Potter series, and Atlas Shrugged."

He just looked at me questioningly.

"Care to explain the common theme between those vastly different books."

"Well at first I wasn't sure what theme I was going to write on but after I stopped over thinking it, it was quite obvious. I bet you'll laugh at yourself for not figuring it out when I tell you, assuming you've read the books."

"Actually I have. I read just about anything I can get my hands on. I love to read. So enlighten me. What is the common theme because I can't for the life of me think of one."

"I promise you'll laugh at yourself. It is so obvious that it's extremely easy to overlook. I'm writing my paper on how social class affects the main characters of the stories. The confines, restrictions, and the importance of social class play a huge role on the main characters in these stories and that in turns dictates how the main characters interact with the other characters in the books."

I was right, he started laughing.

"You were right. I can't believe that I didn't see it before. So will you tell me a few of your ideas?"

"Well in Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth and Darcy are both ruled by the class they were born in. Darcy is from wealth and privilege. Elizabeth hasn't been as fortunate. She sees him as arrogant and cold. Darcy is in fact neither of those things but Elizabeth is too proud to look any farther than his seemingly dismissal of her. It is my thought that she felt that he slighted her because she wasn't of wealth. Social class played a role in the courtship of Bingly and Jane as well, only they didn't have a problem with it. His family, however, did have a problem. Jane's family left something to be desired in their opinion. And we all know Mrs. Bennett was only interested in marry off her daughters to any man that had money and status."

"In Harry Potter there are several 'class' breakdowns. You have your pure bloods, half bloods, 'mudbloods', and squibs. You also have death eaters and everyone else. Draco is a perfect example of how social class runs your life. He can't stand Hermione because she was born to two non wizard parents (she is a 'mudblood' meaning dirty blood), he can't stand Ron because his family is poor and associated with 'mudbloods' and supports Dumbledore, and mostly he hates Harry because he was the downfall of Voldemort. He is the product of being born pure blood and into a family of death eaters. His up bringing blinds him from seeing a person for what they truly are. Instead he sees people through the eyes that his circumstances has dictated."

"In Atlas Shrugged, the characters are valued on their productive effort, respect for rights, intellectual honesty, and moral integrity. They are judged on these characteristics rather than on their wealth and/or social class. So a poor man can be held in equal regard as a rich man. Maybe even higher if he possess those attributes that are seen as worthy and the rich man does not. The biggest difference in this book vice the previous two is that in Atlas Shrugged, social class isn't important in determining a persons worth. Social class has no bearing or influence."

By this point Anthony was just staring at me with this strange look in his eyes. I realized I'd been rambling on and not allowing his to get a word in.

"I'm sorry. I let my mouth run away with me again. I didn't mean to highjack the conversation."

"By all means, keep talking. Your mouth fascinates me."

I immediately turned tomato red. He noticed and started stuttering.

"I'm...I'm... sorry, I just meant that I found your analysis captivating."

I wanted to get the attention off me so I asked him about his classes.

"So, what about your classes? Anything interesting?"

"Nothing too exciting at the moment. So far, I've just been assigned a ton of reading. We won't start the fun stuff until the middle of the semester. That's when the focus switches more to practice vice theory."

"Are you taking any music classes?"

"I'm taking one this semester, a performance class. I'd like to take more, but being a Pre-Med student takes up a lot of time. How are you liking your music classes?"

"Oh, they are wonderful. I'm not too thrilled with my Music Theory class though. I'm more of a hands on learner and right now all we are doing is reading about theory."

"Are you getting much practice time in?"

"I spend most of my time outside of class in the practice room. As limited as my schedule is, I've actually considered picking up a third instrument."

"Really, what instrument?"

"The drums actually. I started playing them back in January. I needed an outlet to release some rage. But I'm not all that great at them. I was in the lounge on Tuesday and someone offered to give me drum lessons for free. He needs credit for one of his classes."

I started laughing at the thought of getting caught air drumming.

"What's so funny?" Anthony looked at me with his crooked grin and his sparkling eyes.

"Oh...I was just remembering a very embarrassing incident involving me, air drums, and an audience."

"That sounds like an interesting story. Care to share?" I was getting ready to shake my head no but then he smiled that crooked smile and I caved.

So I filled him in on my embarrassing story. By the end he had tears rolling down his face from laughing so hard. He also informed me that he knew Felix and that he was a good guy. We were so wrapped up in talking that I didn't realize the time. When I looked at the clock on the wall, I had ten minutes to get to my private lesson with Dr. Smithwick. We both jumped up and headed for the door. He asked if I would meet him again next Tuesday for coffee, same time and same place. I readily agreed before departing for my lesson. I actually think I floated to her office.

After classes were over for the day, I made my way back to my room. I had one more assignment to complete for the week. I had to pick my 'Anthem of the Week.' It had been a great week. My private lessons with Dr. Smithwick were only getting better. I was making progress with the piano. I was able to play Claire de Lune without having a breakdown. I stilled cried sometimes but it was more out of the feeling of loss for Elizabeth instead of out of sheer panic. I talked to Dr. Smithwick about Felix and she agreed with Anthony's assessment so I called him and he agreed to meet next week for my first drum lesson. We weren't on a schedule since we were both so busy. He just needed 20 more hours of teaching to fulfill his requirement. The best part of my week was by far the time I spent with Anthony. We never engaged in deep conversation but I was thrilled by the fact that I could be around him and not panic. The only thing that I was bothered by was the fact that I was able to give Felix my real name but I had yet to confess to Anthony about my deception.

I know it had only been a few weeks since I left Phoenix and moved to Seattle, but I couldn't help but feel that I was finally starting to heal. In just the few short weeks that I had been here, I had overcome one of my biggest challenges, made new friends, and started moving forward with my life. I hadn't been able to see Jake as much as I would have liked due to our class schedules but we still talked on the phone everyday. He was just as thrilled for me as I was for myself. I even told him about Anthony and he agreed that I needed to come clean. He understood why I did what I did though, and for that I loved him dearly.

So, I picked a song that reflected the overall feel of my week...'Feeling Good' by Muse. Hey I'm a Muse fan. When I was going through all the shit that James put me through, it seemed like I could always find a song by Muse that fit my moods perfectly. The lyrics to 'Feeling Good' summed up my week pretty accurately.

_Birds flying high you know how I feel_

_Sun in the sky you know how I feel_

_Reeds driftin' on by you know how I feel_

_It's a new dawn_

_It's a new day_

_It's a new life_

_For me_

_And I'm feeling good_

_Fish in the sea you know how I feel_

_River running free you know how I feel_

_blossom in the trees you know how I feel_

_It's a new dawn_

_It's a new day_

_It's a new life_

_For me_

_And I'm feeling good_

_Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you_

_know_

_Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean_

_Sleep in peace when day is done_

_And this old world is a new world_

_And a bold world_

_For me_

_Stars when you shine you know how I feel_

_Scent of the pine you know how I feel_

_Oh freedom is mine_

_And I know how I feel_

_It's a new dawn_

_It's a new day_

_It's a new life_

_For me_

_And I'm feeling good_

Alice and Edward were planning to get an early start Friday morning so Alice and I kept our nightly chit chat to a minimum. I made plans to hang out with Angela, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jake over the weekend. I was going to cook supper for us all and have a Rock Band Marathon. I was looking forward to it.

Alice and I had an early breakfast Friday morning before she left to pick up Edward. After asking me for the hundredth time if I could come, she promised to send me pictures of the houses that they were planning to tour. Esme and Carlisle decided not to build a house. They wanted one that Esme could fix up, she loved that type of thing.

I was finished with all my classes for Friday and was heading to meet Jake for lunch when my phone rang. I figured it would be Alice. They would have gotten to Forks by now, so I was surprised when it was Dr. Kym's office. Apparently she had an emergency situation come up and had to cancel my appointment for the day. Her secretary asked if there were any issues that I needed to speak to Dr. Kym about and when I told her there were, she said that Dr. Kym would call me later in the day.

After having lunch with Jake, he drove me to the grocery store to pick up stuff for supper. I originally planned to cook stir fry for supper but since I didn't have my session with Dr. Kym, I had a lot of time to kill so I changed up the menu. I was going to make Japanese curry. Most of the time I just used the prepackaged curry spice, but I decided to do it all from scratch. For dessert I decided to make a Hershey bar cake. He dropped me off at the dorm and told me he'd be back by 5:00 to help me. Rosalie was in the common room when I unlocked the door. She jumped up to help me with the groceries.

"Hey Bella. Is all this for supper tonight?"

"Yep, my afternoon appointment got cancelled so I decided to change up the menu for supper tonight. I hope everyone likes Japanese curry."

"I've never had it, but it sounds good. If not, I think there is some leftover takeout in the fridge I can eat."

"Well I'm sure you'll like dessert...we are having Hershey bar cake. Very chocolaty."

"I'm in. Hey, my afternoon class got cancelled today, would you like some help? I'm not much of a cook but I can at least come keep you company."

"Thanks Rose, that sounds wonderful. What time is Em coming over?"

"He said he'd be here around 5:30. Is Jake still planning to bring over Rock Band?"

"Yep, he'll be here around 5. I think he is excited to see Ang."

"About that Bella, are you okay with that? She is worried that it might upset you if she and Jake become more than just friends."

"I'm positive I'm more than okay with that. Jake deserves some happiness and Angela is perfect for him."

"So you two aren't...."

"Jake is my best friend, nothing more. It's true that we tried the dating thing once in high school but it was just too weird. We are definitely just friends. I know it may look like more to an outsider but honestly we are strictly friends. I'll talk to Ang if it will make things easier for her."

"Thanks Bella. It's just unusual to see a guy/girl friendship as intense as the one you and Jake have."

I knew it was time to tell the story to Rose and Angela. It was the only way to fully explain the close relationship that Jake and I have. I wanted things to work between Angela and Jake, if they chose to go that direction. My god, he needed a female in his life that wasn't mentally unstable. He had invested so much time in me over the past 18 months and although he would never admit it, he suffered too.

"Rose, are you and Angela busy tomorrow?"

"Not at all. I was just going to have a lazy day and Angela was planning on hanging out with me."

"Would you mind if I hung out with you girls? I want to explain to both of you about mine and Jakes relationship. He'll be here too. It's partly his story as well as my own. I promise, you both will understand better."

She agreed. Bless her, she could sense that I didn't want to say anything further and changed the topic of conversation.

"Shall we start on supper?"

So we headed to the kitchen and started on the cake first.

While she was crushing up Hershey bars for me her cell rang. She answered it and had a brief conversation before she handed me her phone and mouthed 'it's Em.'

"Hey Bells!!! Since you are slaving away over dinner and dessert, I wanted to know what your favorite drink is."

For some reason, him calling me Bells didn't bother me. He was like the big brother I never had.

"Ummm...well I've never really drank...yeah yeah, I'm a prude."

"Oh so we have a virgin on our hands do we." I could hear him rocking with laughter on the other end of the phone.

This caused me to blush ten shade of red. That statement was more true than he realized.

"That's okay Bells, I'll just surprise you."

I handed the phone back to Rose and started to get nervous. I had never really drank anything and technically, I wasn't old enough, none of us were. I had been allowed a glass or two of champagne on New Years Eve and, although I would never tell my mom, my dad gave me a shot of some amber liquid after I testified at the trail. I was a wreck and he said I needed to relax. Gotta love my dad. So that was the extent of my experience with alcohol. I let Rose know as much and she told me not to worry.

When Em arrived at 5:30, I was already worrying about Jake. He was supposed to be here by now. By 5:45 I was starting to panic. Jake knew how important it was to me to keep me in the loop. I was always a worrier but since the incident, if someone is late, my mind always starts playing out the worst scenarios. By 6:00, supper was ready and I was dishing up the food when Jake walked into the kitchen where we were all sitting.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I didn't call."

He had only taken two steps into the kitchen before I launched myself across the room, gripped the front of his shirt. It took everything I had not to burst into tears, but I knew we had an audience and that it would just cause more questions.

"Shhh, it's okay. My phone got broke...I kindof got in a fight with Mike."

This caused me to loosen my grip on his shirt and when I finally looked at his face, I could see the beginnings of a bruise starting to form around his left eye. His lip was slightly swollen and his right hand was starting to bruise and had scrapes on it.

"Oh my god Jake, what happened?" By now Em, Rose, and Ang were watching intently at our interaction. Jake still had me in a tight embrace and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I wasn't helping with the whole 'Bella and Jake are just friends' situation.

"I promise to tell you everything, but can we start on dinner first? I'm really hungry."

I pulled myself together and agreed. I was shocked that Jake was the only one other than myself that had ever had Japanese curry. So I showed them how to plate the food.

I was exceedingly happy when everyone loved it.

"So Jake, care to let us know what happened to you?" I was getting ready to ask the same thing but Em beat me to it. I noticed that Angela and Jake kept stealing glances at one another.

"Mike Newton happened. I had just finished loading Rock Band in my car and realized I left my cell phone on my desk, so I ran up the stairs to grab it. When I walked in, Mike had some poor girl shoved up against the wall. At first I couldn't tell if she was into it or not, but then I heard her say 'no, stop.' Mike wouldn't, so I stepped in. Needless to say, he didn't take to kindly to me interrupting his game. He picked up my phone and threw it at me and when I ducked it made contact with the wall behind me and smashed into about a million pieces. He kept yelling that I was interrupting his hook up. Well you know me and my big mouth..."

Knowing how sarcastic Jake was, I could only imagine what he said, especially if he was angry. It was always worse then.

"What did you say to him Jake?"

He started laughing before shrugging his shoulders and winking at Em...I guess Em would find this really funny.

"I simply stated that obviously his skills were lacking in the hook up department since he was stooping to forcing himself upon unsuspecting girls. He didn't say anything to that but when I mentioned the date he had later with his five sisters and Betty-the blow up doll he keeps in his closet...."

Em's body was shaking as waves of laughter rocked through him.

"I never actually believed that would be true. But I'm sure as hell glad I told you the rumors. My god, how pathetic is that. I cannot wait to tell the guys."

"It's definitely true...I had the displeasure of stumbling upon Betty one day last week. Mike didn't think it was too funny but his 'date' sure did. Lets just say that's when he charged me, catching me off guard. His 'hook up' was laughing at him now, she was still upset but I was glad she didn't looked terrified anymore. Her laugh distracted me long enough for Mike to get a hit in. I reacted and my right hook made contact and he hit the floor. By this time, the RA had heard the commotion and made it to the room. He called campus police when he saw what was going on. The police arrived and took our statements."

"What's going to happen to you and Mike? Fighting can get you kicked out of the dorms."

"Well the girl didn't want to press charges, she just wanted to get out of there. After she told her story, I was told that I wouldn't face punishment. Mike is on housing probation. If he has anymore infractions he will be kicked out of the dorms and if the infractions are serious enough, he could be expelled from school. I put in my room change request earlier this week so now I"m just waiting to see if I get reassigned. I hope you don't mind, but I packed a bag of clothes, hoping you ladies wouldn't mind me sleeping on your couch."

"Of course you can stay here. I'll call Alice and see if you can sleep in her bed. I'll be sure to change the sheets and all." Angela looked down at the table when I said this. I was really going to have to set the record straight.

Em was looking thoughtful before speaking.

"Hey Jake....I'm not to thrilled on my current roommate. He sounds a lot like Mike and I'm getting tired of his shit. What would you think about rooming together? We can go talk to housing first thing Monday morning."

"Are you serious? That would be awesome." Jake and Emmett really did get along, they had similar personalities and could rival the other for smart ass comments. Them living together would either be an awesome experience or pure hell.

So with the housing situation settled and supper finished, we made our way back to our suite, ready for cake, Rock Band, and whatever Em was going to serve.

Everyone loved the cake. I swear Em ate half of it by himself. We started our Rock Band marathon, and I quickly claimed the drums. I think I surprised everyone but Jake with my abilities. They didn't know I played and I really don't think any of them realized the extent of my musical abilities.

"Damn Bella, you rock. For that I'm going to make you a drink."

I had been dreading this part of the evening, but as it turned out, Em was an excellent bartender. He created a drink for me and simply named it 'Rockin' Bella.' Matter of fact, he created drinks for everyone that night. I loved the names he came up with. He made Jake a 'Right Hook', Ang got a 'Sassy Scientist', and Rose's drink...well let's just say we learned a lot about their relationship...'Hot goddess in the back seat.'

Somewhere between my first and third drink I heard my phone beeping and found I had ten missed calls. One was from Dr. Kym's office. Her message said to call tomorrow and gave me her cell number. The others were from Alice....each one becoming more and more irritated. She was not happy that I hadn't returned any of her calls. I quickly called her, apologized profusely and filled her in on the happenings of the night. She had no problems with Jake sleeping in her bed. She sent me the pictures of the three houses and I took a few moments to give her my opinion. They had looked at two houses in town, if it could be considered that. Forks is so tiny that the 'town' area was the size of the park here on campus. They were nice but the third house was the winner. It was located on the outskirts of town and had a long winding drive way. The house was three stories and absolutely gorgeous. The entire back of the house appeared to be a wall of glass and it faced a little stream. It needed some work, but from what I've heard of Esme's abilities, that wouldn't be an issue.

It was approaching 3am and I knew I needed to go to sleep. I lost count after my third drink and although Em promised he hadn't made them strong, I was certainly feeling them. Em was staying the night with Rose, so at least I wasn't worried about him getting home safely.

Somehow I got talked into singing...my last clear memory of the night was of me dancing around the common room singing "Should I Stay or Should I Go" by The Clash.

I guess I passed out on the couch because I woke up briefly to see Jake hovering over me while he was tucking me in.

"Night Bells, you're going to fill like shit when you wake up."

And I knew he was right.....

**A/N: Poor Bella.......the next chapter picks up right where this one left off. I should have it posted in a few days. It's already written but I want to do some editing before posting. I appreciate any and all reviews. **


	15. Chapter 15: Rockin Bella Aftermath

**A/N: I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. I'd like to thank all of you that have added me to their favorites list as well as to the story alerts. Don't worry, the big Edward/Bella meeting will be happening within the next few chapters. **

**Chapter 15: Rockin Bella Aftermath**

**BPOV**

Why wouldn't the pounding go away? I tried everything to get it to shut up...pulling the covers over my head, burying my head under my pillow, plugging my ears with my fingers....nothing made it stop. I couldn't figure out why the hell someone would be beating hammers this early in the morning. So, I decided I had to get up to see what the hell was going on. Bad move. As soon as I tried to sit up, the room started to spin and the pounding got worse...oh did I mention, the nausea that hit me. I thought I was going to be sick. I could feel myself falling to the floor when a big set of hands caught me and propped me back up in my bed. It was Emmett.

"Hey Bells...I'm so sorry. I think I served you a few too many Rockin Bella's last night. Here take these."

He handed me two pills and a bottle of water.

"What time is it? Where is everyone? What the fuck did you do to me last night?"

Emmett started laughing, only causing my head to pound more. For that, I whacked him on the chest.

"It's almost noon. Everyone else is up, but just barely. We were going to head out to get some food. I know you don't want anything, but honestly, you need to get something on your stomach. Go take a hot shower and get dressed."

"Do I have to Em? I've never drank like that before and I'm pretty sure I'm sporting a massive hang over...this wasn't supposed to happen until I was at least old enough to legally drink....Em, you've corrupted me."

He started laughing again. This time my hand made contact with the back of his head. Men never learn.

"Bells, I didn't corrupt you, just helped you out with one of the biggest rights of passage college has to offer...underage drinking."

"I don't think the Chief would agree with you there..." He gave me a confused look before I remembered I never told him about my dad.

"My dad is the Chief of Police in Forks."

"Oh shit....you aren't going to turn me in are you?"

"Your secret is safe with me Em. At least I was in a safe an controlled environment with people to watch over me...even if they were shit faced too."

"Leave it to you to make your first time getting drunk sound like an experiment. Enough of this, now get in the shower. Don't make me send Rose in after you."

That got my ass moving. As much as I liked Rose, she could be scary.

Twenty minutes later, I was showered, dressed, and surprisingly I felt a little better. We all piled into Emmett's jeep and started our search for food. According to Em, breakfast food was always the best cure for a hangover, so we hit up his favorite diner. I have to say, he knew what he was talking about. A short stack of pancakes and an order of bacon later, and I was feeling almost human again....almost. I knew what else was coming today.

"So what's on the agenda for today ladies?" I think Em liked being surrounded by girls.

I had already filled in Jake on my plans for the day and he agreed it needed to be done. He was really interested in getting to know Angela but knew our relationship would have to be explained before moving forward. I made the decision to include Em in the discussion, knowing that he would be around a lot, he needed to know too. This was a huge step for me. Up until I started the semester, only a handful of people knew what happened, and I had only voluntarily told the story one time, and that was to Alice.

I took a deep breath and started.

"Well actually, I was hoping we could all spend the day together. I need to talk to you all about some things and I think the best place to do that would be back in our common room."

"Is everything okay?" Angela was always so caring.

"Yes and no. I know you are all wondering about mine and Jake's relationship. And I assure you, were are just friends. But I know it seems like more. We both just want to fill you in on they why's of that. It could take a while but Rose already told me you and her had planned on having a lazy day. Em, I want you included in this, if you don't have plans for the day."

Em didn't have plans. Everyone was starting to get tense so we headed back to the dorm. Me and Jake took the couch, Em and Rose set on the love seat, and Angela took the chair. I took a deep breath, Jake reached across to take my hand, and I started reminding myself that being upfront and honest was the best route to go.

"First of all, let me apologize up front. I'm prone to panic attacks when I talk about this. Don't freak out, Jake knows what to do should I have one...."

Three sets of worried eyes looked back at me. I took a few deep breaths and went for it.

"During spring break of my senior year, me and my three best friends were involved in a terrible incident that changed all of our lives...."

And I told the story, voluntarily, for the second time.

I was so thankful that Jake was there. I nearly had two panic attacks but Jake was there to calm me down before they were able to surface fully. By the time I was finished, I was emotionally spent and everyone, even Em, had cried. He seemed like such a big tough guy, but he was really a teddy bear on the inside. I was surprised when he was the first one to speak. He stood up from his chair and started towards me. When he reached the couch he bent down, wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight. In the three steps it took him to reach me, it was like he switched from friend mode to big brother protector mode.

"Bella, I am so sorry. You have to be one of the bravest and strongest people I have ever met." I started crying again as I hugged him back.

Angela and Rose made their way over and joined our group hug also saying how sorry they were.

I actually felt lighter by telling this story. After what had to be the longest group hug in history, the tension started to melt away.

"Will you play for us?" Jake asked quietly. He told me before that hearing me play was one of his favorite things in the world. He knew I was able to play Claire de Lune, but he hadn't heard me play the song since before Elizabeth was killed. For that matter, he hadn't heard me play much at all since Elizabeth died.

"I will, but I want to wait for Alice. Jake, think we can go to your aunt's place while we are in La Push next weekend?"

"I'm sure she'd love it. I'll call to see if she still has her piano."

We talked about our upcoming trip for a few minutes before Emmett's stomach starting talking to us.

"Let's get some food, I'm starvin." Jake agreed with him. They were going to get along great.

We were all hungry but there were a few more things I needed to say before heading out.

"Hey guys...I'm sorry for upsetting you all. I just felt that you all needed to know why me and Jake are so close and it's hard to explain why without talking about what happened. We've always been close. We've been friends since we were five. We did attempt the dating thing, briefly, but it was never meant for us to be anything more than friends. The situation with James just brought us even closer together. I want you to all promise me that you won't treat me any differently. It's true that certain things do trigger memories, but I don't want to be handled like a porcelain doll. I have to learn to deal with these things. And I am dealing. I was in therapy back in Phoenix and I'm continuing that here. I just don't want what happened to rule my life."

"Don't worry, you're still just Bells to us."

"Thanks Em."

Jake pulled me to his chest and told me how proud he was of me. It took me a few minutes to compose myself but once I did, I had one more thing to do.

"Angela, can I talk to you for a second."

She followed me into my bedroom.

"What's up Bella?"

"I know you and Jake are interested in getting to know one another and I just want you to be 100 percent sure that there is nothing more than friendship between me and Jake. I depend on him a lot, he's been my best friend for 14 years and for the past 18 months, he has been my shoulder to cry on and my rock. But he deserves happiness. As much as he denies it, this situation has taken a huge toll on him. I'll never be able to thank him enough for all he has done and for me and for all he has given up for me."

"What do you mean? What has he given up?"

"Jake always intended to go to the Arizona State University. Even after I got accepted here, he was still planning to go to ASU. Well after James...let's just say he refused to let me go away without him. I think he feels responsible for me, he has this drive to make sure I'm okay. He's a good man Ang. I just hope the closeness that Jake and I share won't deter you from getting to know him."

"If anything Bella, it makes me more eager to get to know him. He is obviously a very, loyal, compassionate, caring, and loving person. I can assure you, I totally understand your relationship. I'm really glad that you told us about it. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please let me know. I can't imagine what it has taken you to get to this point."

"Thanks. Now, please, go make my best friend happy!!!"

Everyone wanted to head out to get supper but I needed to call Dr. Kym, so they agreed to bring me something back.

I felt terrible about calling her on the weekend but she did leave her cell phone number and told me to call. I told her about my successes for the week and she was very proud, especially when I told her about what I had just done. She told me the more I was able to open up about it, the more I would heal. When I told her about Felix and expressed frustration that I was able to tell him my name, she told me not to get worked up over it that we would discuss it during our next session. That reminded me that we were leaving for Forks on Thursday after class. I told her about my planned trip and she scheduled me to come in on Wednesday, she had an opening. After hanging up, I decided to call Alice.

"Hey Bella!!!! Oh my gosh, I cannot wait for you to see the house in person next weekend."

She didn't even give me a chance to speak.

"So, I take it Esme and Carlisle liked the house?"

"Oh they loved it. Esme has decided to just start from scratch. She has already flown back to Alaska to start packing up. They're going to put the house in Alaska on the market...fully furnished. The only things that she is going to pack up are all the personal stuff. The only big piece that they are going to have shipped down is Edward's piano, and that is going to go in storage until we move into our own place next year. They want him to have his piano in Seattle. Edward and Carlisle are actually out shopping for a piano for the house today. I'm meeting them later to start picking out furniture."

"Wow, your family moves fast."

"You have no idea. I'll probably be back late tomorrow night. So how are things going there?"

"Well I was nursing a pretty intense hang over this morning, courtesy of Em's specialty drinks. Luckily I feel human again. I think Em and Jake are going to be roommates. So that's one less thing I have to worry over. This afternoon was tough though."

"Wait, you got drunk without me? Well that's alright, you'll just have to make it up to me on your birthday....I've already got plans for you....why was this afternoon tough?"

I was taken by surprise, I didn't even realize that Alice knew when my birthday was.

"Wait...What plans?"

"No need for you to worry. It's a surprise. I'll fill you in when you need to know. I'm more interested in what happened this afternoon."

"Alice..."

"Bella..."

Knowing I wasn't going to get that pesky pixie to budge I moved on to the next topic of conversation.

"I finally decided it was time to tell my story to Rosalie and Angela. Angela is interested in Jake but Rose said she was a little wary of mine and Jake's relationship. I wanted to make it perfectly clear that we were just friends, but in order for them to fully understand our closeness, I had to share about my past. Since Em is around all the time, I asked him to stay and listen too. It went well. Jake was here and that helped me a lot, but now everyone knows, and I feel really good about it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. They all want me to play for them. I told them I wanted to wait until you could be a part of it."

"Aww, thanks Bella. I can't wait. I've been wanting to hear you play. Oh my gosh, next weekend would be perfect. I'm pretty positive there will be a piano in the house by then."

"But that's Edward's piano. I'm sure he'd want first crack at playing his brand new piano."

"I'm sure he won't mind Bella."

"We'll see. I'll let you get back to house stuff. I miss you, you little Pixie!!!"

"Miss you too Bella, I'll see you tomorrow night. Bye!!!"

That night, we just all hung out, gorged on junk food, and watched movies. We decided on "The Princess Bride" for our first movie. Rose had never seen it. I chided Em for his lack of educating his girlfriend. We let Rose pick the next movie and it was no surprise when she picked "Gone in Sixty Seconds." At least it wasn't "The Fast and the Furious."

I called it a night around midnight, I still had a slight headache so Em fixed me up with some more Tylenol and tucked me in. He was quickly taking on the role of big brother quite nicely, and I found I really enjoyed it. He had a way of making me feel completely comfortable and safe. This was refreshing. He was the only person besides Jake that made me feel that way. I didn't know if it was just Emmett, the fact that I was starting to heal, or a combination of the two. But whatever the reason, I was thankful for it.

I did not sleep well. The dreams started again. This time, I dreamt of Elizabeth and all the blood. I woke my self up screaming. I was drenched in sweat as were my sheets. Rosalie was the first to get to my room. I was frantically searching for Jake but he wasn't in Alice's bed. When Rose tried to approach me, I started shaking violently. Em came through the door next looking scared.

"Em, go get Jake, now!!!" Rose yelled at him.

Not two seconds later, Jake ran into the room and came straight for my bed. This was second nature to him by now. He sat on the bed with me, wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me to his chest. He immediately started running his fingers through my hair and talking me through the panic. After five minutes or so, my breathing returned to normal and I stopped crying. I looked over to Alice's bed and Em, Rosalie, and Angela were all sitting there, looking worried.

"Sorry guys, I didn't mean to upset you all. This doesn't happen very often anymore. I hate that you had to witness it."

"Don't be silly Bells, what do you need us to do?" Em really was a sweetheart.

"Umm...I just need to take a shower then change my bed sheets. I'll be fine, you can all go back to bed now."

"Nonsense, Bella you go take a shower. I'll change the sheets on your bed and then we are all going to camp out in the common room. Angela, you and the boys go fix up our beds, pick out a movie, and get the popcorn going." Rosalie sure knew how to take charge.

Twenty minutes later we were all camped out in the common room. I couldn't help but notice how we were arranged. All my friends arranged themselves around me. I was sandwiched between Rosalie and Angela. Jake was beside Angela and Emmett beside Rose. They made sure I was safely in the middle. Rose started running her fingers through my hair while Angela rubbed my back. Both Jake and Emmett had their arms draped over Rose and Ang so that their fingers were placed on my back. Nightmares always take a lot out of me and I quickly drifted off to sleep. The last thing I remember was Jake thanking everyone for what they were doing. I was grateful for my new friends.

I woke up before everyone else on Sunday morning. I'm pretty sure they hadn't gotten much sleep. I wanted to show them how much I appreciated what they did for me last night so I decided to make everyone breakfast. I know it wasn't as grand of a gesture as they made to me last night but at least I could do something for them. It was 10:30 by the time I made it to the kitchen. I left a note for everyone letting them know where I had gone.

I had just taken flipped the last batch of pancakes when I could hear the boys charging down the hall.

"That smells amazing and I'm starving." Em.....

"Her breakfast is famous." Jake...

"I'm going to gain the freshman 15, two years too late if she keeps this up." Rose....

"Think she'll marry me." Angela said as they walked in the kitchen.

I started laughing along with the others.

"You'll have to come up with a spectacular proposal first Ang." I couldn't help but tease.

"Damn Bells, are you feeding an army." Rose looked at all the food I had prepared.

"Well we do have Em and Jake to feed"

"Point taken."

Jake just wanted to know what I had been busy cooking.

"So, what's on the menu?"

"Well we have bacon, scrambled eggs, homemade hash browns, chocolate chip pancakes, fresh fruit, and homemade whipped cream."

I don't think I'll ever see anything that compares to watching Jake and Emmett eating at the same table. Those boys could eat. There wasn't anything left by the time their forks hit their plate. It made me happy. I love it when people enjoy my cooking.

After breakfast, I finished my Comparative Lit paper, did a few loads of laundry, changed the sheets on Alice's bed, and started on a new composition for Dr. Smithwick. Composing piano music was challenging but it always came easy to me. Clarinet pieces on the other hand...I always had trouble with.

Jake spent the afternoon with Angela. They went for coffee and ended up talking for hours. Em and Rose stayed locked away in her room for most of the afternoon. Good thing I like to listen to my iPod with the volume jacked up.

Alice got home just as I was crawling into bed. She was exhausted. This was evident when she said "We'll talk tomorrow" instead of bouncing over and plopping herself on my bed. She put on her sleep clothes and was asleep even before I could doze off.

I couldn't help but think that this weekend was a turning point for me. I had told my story to my new friends and instead of shying away from me, they embraced me, they were there for me, and they honestly cared for me. I could have done without the nightmare, but my friends had shown true concern and love and this meant more to me than they would ever know. While drifting off to sleep, the lyrics of 'Feeling Good' came back to me.

_It's a new dawn_

_It's a new day_

_It's a new life_

_For me_

_And I'm feeling good_


	16. Chapter 16: Away We Go

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay in updating. Last week was crazy. I had to go out of town for my grandparents Anniversary Party. I'm hoping to get on a better updating schedule, so please stick with me. This chapter is all EPOV. I promise, the next two chapters is what everyone has been waiting for.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.....**

**Chapter 16: Away We Go **

**EPOV**

"Edward!!! Are you even listening to me?"

Truthfully, I wasn't. It's a good think Alice is the one driving us to Forks. I hadn't been able to concentrate on much of anything since Tuesday...well except for brown eyes. I don't know what has gotten into me. I couldn't figure out why I was eager to know this girl. After the shit with Jessica happened, I was prepared for a long recovery period...a relationship was the last thing I was interested in....but I was very interested in getting to know Marie. Maybe I'm just looking for new friends, ones that understand me and from our brief conversations, I think we have a lot in common. We are both musical, love to read, like the same bands...okay so it isn't a lot, but it's a good start.

"Earth to Edward!!!"

Marie...she is so intense, extremely talented, captivating, witty, intelligent, absolutely gorgeous, amazing eyes and yet, she is so oblivious to it all. The way she downplays her talent. She's humble. You don't find that very often in the competitive world of music. She really has no idea how talented she is. I knew and I've never really heard her play. She doesn't seem to grasp the magnitude of what getting a full music scholarship means. Endearing. Brown eyes, pink plump lips...shit, even in my internal ramblings I can't stay focused. I'm turning into JD.

"Edward, if you don't acknowledge me in the next five seconds, I am pulling this car off the road and calling mom!!!"

"Jeez, Alice. Cut the dramatics. Sorry, I just spaced out."

"I'm going to start getting a complex." She grumbled.

"I'm sorry Alice. Why am I going to give you a complex?"

She started laughing....

"Bella has been spacing out quite a bit lately as well. I'm starting to take it personal. If I can't be engaging enough to hold a conversation with my best friend or my brother, there is little hope for me. I really need to introduce you and Bella. I think you'd two would get along perfectly...."

I could tell she was contemplating that last sentence even as she spoke.

"Do you really think we'd get along? You don't sound so sure about that."

"No, I'm sure you two would get along, it's just....I really want to introduce you two, I think you two are perfect for each other...."

"Alice, no more match making."

"Well even if I wanted to, I couldn't and wouldn't do that to Bella. She's actually kindof interested in someone. I haven't gotten to meet him yet though. Plus, I know someone has caught your attention too. So any intentions I had of playing match maker have been shot to shit."

I hadn't really talked to Alice about Marie yet. Again, I wanted to get to know her before I subjected her to Alice. But Alice wasn't stupid and she was very observant. She knew, probably more than me. She seems to always know.

"Alice, leave it alone."

"I know Edward. I'm here if you want to talk or introduce me to her, but until you are ready, I'll leave it alone. I won't say a word to anyone."

"Thanks Alice."

I knew I wouldn't be introducing Alice to Marie in the near future, hell, I had yet to properly introduce my own self to Marie. I had every intention of telling her the truth at coffee yesterday morning but I couldn't. I spotted her immediately upon walking into the cafe but I was only able to glance at her before I was assaulted by the last person I ever wanted to see. Jessica. I had gone a glorious four months without seeing her.

I couldn't believe how unaffected she was as she approached me.

"Hi Edward! We need to talk."

"I have nothing more to say to you."

"Stop being childish Edward, we need to talk." She reached her hand out to touch my arm and I quickly jerked away from her.

"I can see you're still pissed about what happened. Fine, but we will talk. You can't avoid me forever."

"Leave me the fuck alone!!!"

She got the hint and left. But not before putting a black cloud over my otherwise great morning. I couldn't approach Maria looking like this. I got my coffee and started towards her table. I still had that scowl on my face when she made eye contact. It scared her, or at least I think that's what it did, because she jumped out of her chair and immediately started trying to apologize but stopped abruptly when I faltered in my steps.

It wasn't until she stood up that I was able to see her fully. She was magnificent. The blue wrap around shirt she was wearing made her glow. I was left momentarily speechless and then I chickened out. I was too intrigued by her for this to be our last meeting.

So I sat down and got lost in her. I couldn't believe what a bumbling idiot I turned into. I swear the filter between my brain and my mouth stopped working. I actually told her I found her mouth fascinating. I meant to tell her that I found her words and thoughts fascinating but I was looking at those damn plump pinks lips when I attempted to speak and my thought process went to hell. I was overwhelmed by her literature paper. Shit, who was I kidding, I was overwhelmed by her.

"Hey Edward.....can I talk to you about something?"

"You know you can."

"Ummm...well, see...."

This couldn't be good. Alice is never nervous or hesitant.

"Just spit it out Alice."

"I like Jasper."

I shifted in my seat so my back was to the door and looked at her. She looked terrified. This was so un Alice like. I wasn't surprised by her revelation. I may not seem like it most of the time, but I'm not blind. I already knew Jasper liked her, it was evident by how much he was 'casually' mentioning her to me. And she wasn't subtle in her inquiries about him either.

"And I think he likes me" she continued.

I decided to string her along a bit.

"Say something."

I just stared at her.

"Anything, Edward, please just talk to me."

I'd let her flounder for a few moments more.

"I'm sorry Edward, I know his your roommate and you probably don't want him dating your sister, but I really like him and he likes me. We get along so great. I really want to see if this can lead to something more."

I couldn't help but laugh. I'd never seen her looking so worried.

"Alice, it's fine."

"You don't have a problem with it?"

"No, I don't have a problem with it....but dad might!!!"

Her face dropped and then she grinned.

"Daddy's little girl, remember. I can get away with anything."

"True, but has daddy's little girl dated since she's been in college?"

"Point taken. I'll talk to them over the weekend. I need to at least prepare them since Jasper is coming with us next weekend. Speaking of which, are you sure you can't come."

"Nope, got the chance to shadow at the hospital."

"You can take a break every now and then Edward. You know you are already a shoo in for any med school you want to attend."

And we spent the rest of the ride to Forks catching up with one another. I conveniently left out my confrontation with Jessica. No need to make her worry.

Forks was....green, wet and green. But it was a beautiful place. We spent the rest of Friday looking at houses. The first two were nice but mom wasn't to impressed. The third house we visited blew us all away. It was amazing, three stories, glass wall, big yard, stream behind the house. Esme was sold before we ever stepped through the door. She had already told the realtor to take it off the market before we even made it out of the foyer. So with that, we had our house. Esme was so thrilled with the house, she decided that she wanted to fix it up from scratch, which meant buying everything new. She was back on a plane and on her way to Alaska before we could even blink. She was going to put the current house on the market, fully furnished. She was going to pack all our personal belongings and fly back down by the following weekend. She was going to have my piano shipped to Seattle and held in storage until I moved into my own place after the current school year.

She left Alice in charge of picking out the basic furniture. Saturday afternoon and Sunday were spent acquiring massive amounts of furniture that we were assured would be delivered by the following Wednesday. It's amazing what money can do.

I spent Saturday morning with my dad, piano shopping. Alice stayed behind to do some measuring. I needed to talk to someone about Marie and my dad always listen and gave excellent advice. He didn't disappoint. He listened intently as I told him about our first meeting. He never interrupted, just sat in thoughtful silence as I told him about our subsequent meetings. After I tried to explain the way I was feeling and failed miserably, he offered his opinion.

"Edward, I understand why you did what you did. She does deserve to know the truth though. The longer you wait to fess up, the more chance you have of her not wanting to give you a chance. I have a question for you. Do you want to be just friends or are you interested in more?"

"Honestly, I don't know. We've only had a few conversations but I swear, whenever I'm near her, I'm just completely relaxed, even if she does turn me to a bumbling idiot. I feel like I've known her for years. I want to get to know more about her, but I'm scared."

"Jessica?"

"Yeah dad, Jessica. She really screwed me up. Dr. Kym has helped tremendously but I still have residual issues, trust being one of them, which makes the situation with Maria very ironic."

"Edward, I'm going to be blunt with you. You can't expect trust if you don't give it. And you can't let the past ruin your future. You are going to have to be willing to take a step into the unknown. You may get burned or you may receive the greatest gift life has to offer but you'll never know if you don't try. Just don't be afraid to live your life. Take a chance and place your trust in people again. You have too much going right in your life to let her ruin this part of your life. The best revenge will be for you to move past this and have a truly meaningful relationship."

"Thanks dad."

"Anytime. Now let's go find you a new piano."

And find a new piano we did indeed. It was love at first sight.

The rest of the weekend flew by quickly. Alice and I left Forks after dark on Sunday. It was going to be a bitch to get up in the morning but I was glad we were able to help our parents out.

My thoughts were once again consumed of Marie. Would she accept my apology, accept me, or would she reject me. I didn't know, but I knew my dad was right. I'd never know if I didn't try. Alice once again tore me from my thoughts.

"Hey, I'm taking Bella out for her birthday three weekends from now. Think you'd want to come? You can invite your friend."

"What do you have planned Alice?"

"Well, it's a surprise for Bella. Me and the girls are going to take her to dinner on Friday night and have a sleep over in the common room. Saturday morning I'm taking her to the spa and then Saturday we are all going to go to dinner before heading over to Vertigo for the night. Rosalie's boyfriend, Emmett, knows the bouncer there and he is going to let us in without carding us."

"Wow, Alice, you're really going all out aren't you? You've only known her a few weeks and I swear it seems like you've been best friends forever. She must be something."

"She deserves it, Edward. God, if anyone deserves to be pampered and spoiled for the day, it's Bella. She deserves so much more than that."

She said this with such conviction and sincerity that I wouldn't question what her roommate had done to deserve it.

"Sure Alice, I'd be glad to come. It will give me the chance to meet 'the gang' you talk about so much." I can't say no to her.

I must have fallen asleep somewhere between Forks and Seattle, because when Alice woke me up, we were parked in front of my dorm...and I had been dreaming of brown eyes. While opening the car door, Alice grabbed my hand.

"Be nice to Jasper. He wants to talk to you too."

"Don't worry about me being nice, I like Jasper, I have no issues with it, plus....he has to talk to dad next weekend." I couldn't help but laugh.

And with that she kicked me out of her car, grumbling the whole time. Alice had told our dad about Jasper, but I still had fun teasing her.

I made it up to my room and found Jasper perch on the edge of his bed waiting for me. I was dog tired and just wanted to crawl in bed so I didn't even give him the chance to dive into that conversation. He looked so worried....and scared. I started laughing.

"Jasper, calm down. It's fine. I don't have a problem with you and Alice. Just be good to her. Oh, and we need to work out a system. I don't want to think about my sister in compromising situations but I'd rather be warned before walking in on something."

He let out a huge gush of air that he'd been holding in.

"Thanks man. I'm so glad you are cool with this. I was prepared to ask your permission."

I don't know if it was really funny to me or if I was just really tired but I collapsed on my bed laughing.

"Just wait until next weekend....you get to meet our dad."

And with that I rolled over, closed my eyes, and started thinking about Marie. Right before sleep took me over, I swore I heard Jasper mutter under his breath...

"Shit...I forgot about meeting her dad."

**A/N: Please let me know what you think of the story so far. Also, let me recommend some great reads:**

**A Murmur of Fire in the Vein by ElleCC**

**Clipped Wings and Inked Armor by hunterhunting**

**Poughkeepsie by **

**Tropic of Virgo by In..bathrobe**

**Love all of these. If you haven't already found them, you should really check them out.**


	17. Chapter 17: Can I Introduce You?

**A/N: Okay, so I know I promised that 'the meeting' would happen within the next 2 chapters, but Bella and Edward had other plans, so I just went with it. But I have already written the next few chapters and I think everyone will like where the story is going. **

**Chapter 17: Can I Introduce you?**

**BPOV**

I was having the most amazing dream, well it was amazing to me. Anthony and I were sharing the same piano bench, playing a duet. The amazing part...he looked me in the eyes and called me Bella. He started to lean his head towards mine and licked his lips. Just an inch or two more and I would be in heaven. I closed my eyes and could feel his warm breath on my face. I licked my lips in anticipation. I could hear him calling my name.

"Bella...Bella...BELLA!!!!"

"Bella, get your ass up. We have got to talk."

And with that my pixie of a roommate ruined the best moment of my life...well the best theoretical moment. I slowly opened my eyes, prepared to pounce her, but she beat me to it. Before I knew it, I was assaulted by Alice. She literally jumped on top of me and started shacking me.

"I'm awake Alice. You can stop with the earthquake now."

"Goody, now I can tell you all about my weekend. And I am dying to hear about yours."

"Can I at least have a shower first?"

"Fine....go take your shower. When you get back we'll go grab some food before class."

"What time is it?"

"Oh, it's 7:00 o'clock."

"What the hell Alice, I could have slept for another hour!"

"Yes, you could have, but I'll make it up to you. I promise. I just really want to talk." She gave me those damn pouty puppy dog eyes.

Thirty minutes later we were in the cafeteria getting breakfast. I loaded up two plates with french toast and bacon. Alice met me at the table with two big bowls of fresh fruit, coffee, and milk. She may be tiny but she can put away some food.

We ended up sitting in the cafeteria for almost two hours before I had to leave to get to my class. Whew, that pixie can talk. She could not stop talking about the new house. I was anxious to see it. Surprisingly, with all the time I had spent in Forks, I had never seen the house. After filling me in on all the details of her weekend, the conversation turned to me. She was ecstatic that I was able to tell our suite mates my story and even more impressed with how they all reacted, especially Emmett.

She was a bit upset that she wasn't able to participate in our fun night, so she suggested we do another one Thursday night. I reminder her that we were planning to leave after classes on Thursday. She pouted and decided to talk to everyone to see if they'd be willing to put off leaving for Forks until Friday morning. If they all agreed, then we would camp out in our dorm suite, watch movies, have Em fix us drinks (a three drink limit per person would be enforced), and just leave together on Friday morning.

I sent Felix a text before leaving the cafeteria to see if he was free for a drum lesson later today.

So, can we jam sometime today

~Bella

Sounds great to me. I'm free anytime after 4

~Felix

Last class is over at 4:30, wanna meet at 5 in the music building?

~Bella

Sounds perfect. See you there.

~Felix

I called Jake on the way to class to see if he would attend the lesson with me. I didn't want to chance a freak out. But he had plans with Angela. I knew Alice had a late class and so did Rose. That left me with one option...Emmett.

I called Emmett after my morning class and explained what was going on. Since he knew my history, he didn't find it strange that I wanted someone to come with me. He agreed and was even excited about coming along.

It took every ounce of energy I had to contain myself through my next classes. I was so excited about my lessons. Yeah, you are also hoping to see green eyes while you're in the music building....okay, that was true. But I chose to not focus on that.

I was able to escape my last class of the day 15 minutes early due to a pop quiz the professor sprung on the class. It was a piece of cake so I finished it in five minutes. I grabbed some snacks from the student store, I knew Emmett would get hungry during the lesson, and headed to the music building. I made myself comfortable on the front steps and waiting for Em to show up. I pulled out my iPod and put it on shuffle. Anyone who put my iPod on shuffle may think I have multiple personalities disorder. In the twenty minutes that I sat on those steps I listened to: Yo Yo Ma, The Flaming Lips, Muse, Harry Connick Jr, and Marvin Gaye. Yep, I listen to just about anything...including soundtracks to video games. Final Fantasy II, VII, and X has to be some of the best video game music ever.

Yes, thanks to Jake...I know video games too.

Anyhow, I was really getting into some 'Let's Get it On' when Em tapped me on the shoulder, scaring the shit out of me.

"What's up Bells?"

I just handed him my ear buds and his face instantly lit up. I let him listen for a few minutes and hit the next button...'Pony' by Genuine.....followed by 'At Last' by Etta James...the last song I let him sample was 'Ugly Girls' by 100 Monkeys.

Before I realized what was happening, he snatched my iPod from my hands and started shuffling through the artists.

"Damn Bella. How much shit do you have on this thing?"

"I have no clue Em. I've listen to that thing for eight hours straight before and never had a repeat song...."

He gave me a strange look.

"What the hell were you doing listening to your iPod for eight hours straight."

I didn't really want to think about that period of my life so I gave him a simple answer that would explain everything.

"During the aftermath of Phoenix, Em."

He understood.

"And I've added a lot more shit since then."

"You're riding with me and Rose to Forks on Friday kido. I want to sample more of your eclectic mix."

"Sure thing fratello. Now let's go, I'm going to be late."

"What the hell did you just call me?"

I broke down laughing at the look on his face.

"Figure it out if you want to know."

And with that, I ran towards the practice room. I wasn't fast enough though. Em caught up with me and threw me over his shoulder. Then the tickle assault began.

"Tell me what it means Bella." Emmett was laughing right along with me.

Thank god Felix showed up to save me.

"What are you doing to my student?"

Emmett wasn't at all phased by the sheer size of Felix, not that he should have been. Em was just as big. He never missed a beat.

"Kido here called me something in a foreign language and won't tell me what she said. I'm going to tickle it out of her."

"By all means continue.....but after her lesson." Felix looked at me and gave me a shit eating grin.

"Traitor."

Em and I followed Felix to the practice room. He never asked why I brought someone with me. Emmett was mumbling under his breath the whole way. I caught bits a pieces.

"Fratello...what the hell...I'll get it out of her...maybe Rose or Ang can help me figure it out."

Felix caught the fretello part and asked if Em was my brother.

"No" I smiled "but he acts like it and I wish he were."

To say I left my lesson happy was an understatement. I had no idea that I would pick up where I left off. I just knew I was going to be extremely out of practice. Rock Band is no replacement for the real thing. But Felix was impressed and surprised at my drumming abilities. When my lesson was finished, Felix even gave Em a shot at the drums. I think Em surprised us all when he was actually pretty good at it. So that's how Monday's at 5:00 ended up becoming drumming lessons for both me and Emmett.

While walking back to the dorm, Emmett stopped me and he had a very serious look on his face. Something I wasn't used to seeing.

"Hey Bella...did you really mean what you said to Felix."

My brain went into overdrive. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I had said to Felix that would elicit this type of response from Em. I guess he saw the confusion on my face because he continued talking.

"I mean about the brother stuff."

So he had heard that.

"Yes Em, I meant it. Fratello means brother in Italian. I know I've only known you a short time, but that's how I feel. Especially after this past weekend. The only other male that I've ever felt truly comfortable around since that shit in Phoenix is Jake...until you. That's why I felt comfortable enough asking you to come with me today."

I was wrapped up in a big Emmett hug before I knew what hit me.

"Thanks Bella. I don't have a little sister...I think you'll do just fine." He gave me his big smile and his dimples made an appearance. So cute, Rose was a lucky girl.

We ordered pizza for everyone and watched a movie when we got back to the dorm. Tonight was Super Troopers. Yep, we love stupid funny movies. We decided not to let anyone in on Em's secret drum lessons. He wanted to surprise everyone when he had some material to show off.

Alice informed everyone about Thursday night and everyone agreed.

Before going to bed, Jake called and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee the next morning. He and Emmett were going to the housing office to sign all the paperwork for the room transfer. They were meeting at 8:00. Since I had my lesson with Professor Smithwick at 8 as well, we decided to meet at 7:00. I was already planning on going to the coffee shop. Anthony hadn't asked me to meet him, but I was hoping this would become a standing invitation. With those thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.

I arrived at the coffee shop a little after 7 and ordered my usual and grabbed a cheese danish to go with it. Jake was already there saving us a table. I ran up to him and gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. I hadn't seen him since the weekend and we had a lot to catch up on.

"So tell me how it went with Angela."

"Bells, she's amazing. I'm really enjoying just getting to know her. We have so much in common. I asked her to ride with us to Forks on Friday. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not!!! Actually, Em asked me to ride with him and Rose, well more like told me. He got his hands on my iPod and decided I should provide the music for the trip. Plus, he and Rose have been together for a while. You and Ang, as well as Alice and Jasper are all still getting to know each other. I won't feel like so much of a third wheel with Em and Rose."

"You're wonderful Bella, but I hope you know that I would never consider you a third wheel. And if I ever make you feel that way...do me a favor and kick my ass."

"I'll just call Billy."

"Okay Bella, I thought you loved me. Bring my dad into this is low. You know he'd chose you over me." He smiled at me while laughing. It was true, Billy loved me like I was his own daughter and gave Jake hell whenever he felt that Jake was giving me a hard time...which was pretty often, according to Billy.

I told him about my drumming lesson and my talk with Emmett. He seemed a little hurt at first but after dragging it out of him, he admitted he was just scared of me getting hurt. He knew how hard it was for me to place my trust in people and as previously pointed out, he was very protective over me. But Em had earned Jakes trust and respect over the weekend and I assured him that Em would never hurt me.

"Don't worry Jake, no one is going to replace you." I told him, while kissing him on the cheek.

This was the real issue, even if he didn't want to admit it. I dreaded the day that I actually became interested enough in a guy to actually date. They'd have to meet Jake and Jake was worse than any father could be.

A head full of bronze hair caught my attention as I was telling Jake no one would replace him and it was then that I realized that Jake was holding my hand. This wasn't anything unusual for us, holding his hand was natural.

My head shot up and I looked into those green eyes that haunted my thoughts and dreams. I didn't see the compassionate and caring eyes that I normally saw. What I saw shocked me. He looked angry, hurt....betrayed.

Before I could even open my mouth to call to him, he was rushing out of the coffee shop doors. I had never felt bad for the relationship I had with Jake. I had always cherished it, the openness and the closeness we shared. But after seeing the betrayal in Anthony's eyes, I can honestly say, for the first time since I'd known Jake...I felt bad for it and I hated myself.

I jumped up, telling Jake I would call him later and I rushed out of the door hoping to catch him.

It was pointless though. Students were packing the quad trying to get from one place to the other...it was morning rush hour. He had been swallowed up in the crowd.

It was with a heavy heart that I made my way to my lessons with Dr. Smithwick. I tried to push his eyes from my mind so I could concentrate. I had a lot of practice at blocking unpleasant things from my mind, but my control started slipping towards the end of the lesson. When Dr. Smithwick asked if there was anything wrong, I lied and told her I was tired. I don't think she believed me, but she didn't push. After I packed up my clarinet, she asked how my lessons with Felix were going and I filled her in on yesterday's events. She seemed pleased. Before leaving for my first morning class she stopped me.

"Bella, I know I'm your Professor but I want you to know, you can talk to me. I'm a great listener and I understand more than you know."

I thanked her and made my way to class. My day didn't get any better. By then end of the day I had taken two surprise quizzes, been assigned a huge midterm paper in my comparative lit class, and been informed that my final grade in my music composition class would be based on a piece I had to write. And the kicker...I had to perform said piece at the end of the semester, at the annual Winter concert. I haven't composed a complete piece of music since Elizabeth died and it's been even longer since I performed in front of an audience. So let's just say...I was a mess.

After my last class of the day, I raced to a practice room. I needed to be alone in a place that I could completely lose myself. I didn't think my day could get any worse....but I was wrong.

I was rushing down the hall that led to practice room 13 when I crashed into someone, dropping my stuff in the process. Great...just what I need right now.

"I'm so sorry." I didn't even look up as I bent down to gather my belongings.

No one responded, so I continued apologizing while picking up my things. When I stood up, I was surprised to see Anthony standing there. He glared at me...fucking glared. I had no idea what to make of this. What right did he have to be angry with me. I knew he misinterpreted things between me and Jake at the coffee shop this morning. But even if me and Jake were exactly what he presumed we were, what business was it of his. We had only had a handful of conversations, only scratching the surface of getting to know one another. I wouldn't eve categorize us as friends yet. I sucked in a breath and started to speak but he beat me to it.

"Maria, I'm sorry about this morning...but"

I cut him off before he could continue.

"Let me explain."

"There's no need to explain...." he hesitated but before I could cut in, he started speaking again.

"I don't think I can be friends with you."

He gave me a long look. I wanted to ask him why, find out what his problem was....wanted to slap the shit out of him. But he took off down the hall before my brain could hold on to one single thought.

Before turning the corner, he gave me one last look over his shoulder. By this time, my traitor tears were already slipping down my cheeks. He paused for a brief moment and I thought he was going to turn around, but he continued on.

What a bastard!!!!

After about ten minutes, I was able to calm myself down enough to go into the practice room. I had intended to start working on my composition for the end of the year concert. It was three months away, but perfection takes time. But I decided that if I tried to compose anything now, it would be more suited for a horror movie as opposed to something worth listening to.

So I chose a few pieces that fit my violent mood....

First I played Beethoven's 5th Symphony, followed by J.S. Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor. By this time I was drained. My anger had ebbed and now I was feeling hurt. I decided I might as well make this hellish day even worse and ended my practice session with Claire de Lune. By the end of the song, the flood gates had opened. Not due to panic, not due to fear, but due to just plain old hurt. This song used to comfort me but now it just represents hurt, anguish and lose. My time in the room was up, so I composed myself the best I could, gathered my books and piano music and walked out the door. I had the strangest feeling I was being watched but saw no one around.

I had no idea why Anthony's reaction was having such an effect on me. It wasn't like we were in any sort of relationship. In my mind, yeah, I could have seen us getting to that point, but in reality...he was just an interesting person that I wanted to get to know more about. Well he showed his true colors today. I'm glad I hadn't wasted much time on him. I was hurting from the fact that I had been rejected after putting myself out there. I was pissed because I let someone that I hardly know get to me. I was angry because I felt like I would never be able to have a normal relationship with someone. But what bothered me the most was that I could tell, although I didn't know why, that I had hurt him.

I called Alice on my way to the dorm and she was with Jasper, but as soon as she heard my voice she knew something was wrong. I tried to make her stay with Jasper but she was having none of that. She, along with Rose and Ang were already waiting for me when I got to the room with four pints of Ben and Jerry's.

I told them about my shitty day and when I was finished Rose simply asked one question...

"Bella, can I go find him and kick his ass...better yet, cut his balls off."

I've gotta hand it to Rose, she sure knows how to express her anger. But at least she got a laugh out of me.

While getting ready for bed that night, Alice cleared her throat and looked at me with a nervous express. I was scared.

"Bella...I was wondering, since it doesn't look like things are heading in a positive direction with you and Anthony, if you would mind if I introduced you to someone."

I didn't know how to respond. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I just wanted to meet people and make more friends and I told her as much.

"Alice, I really appreciate your offer, but I'm honestly only interested in friends. I learned a hard lesson today. I actually thought that eventually me and Anthony could have been more than friends, but the way he acted today..."

"I know Bella, but honestly. The person I want to introduce you to is definitely not looking for a relationship. He is only after friendship, just like you."

"Well in that case, how can I refuse."

Her face lit up and I could tell she was already formulating a plan.

"Alice, you have to let him know, I'm only interested in friendship though. Now, are you gonna tell me who you want me to meet?"

She hesitated again before smiling.

"Bella, I want to introduce you to my brother....Edward."

**A/N: I don't usually beg for reviews, but I'd really like to know what everyone thinks. Thanks to everyone that has added this story to their favorites and alerts. You guys are awesome.**


	18. Chapter 18: La Push or Bust

**A/N: Hope you enjoy their sleepover night. Some angst, some fun, and a little more insight to Bella and the gang.**

**SM rocks the characters. I just like to use them for my own selfish purposes.**

**Chapter 18: La Push or Bust**

**BPOV**

The rest of the week flew by without any encounters with Anthony. Alice was looking forward to introducing me to Edward, but finding a time when he was free was proving to be difficult. I told her not to stress over it, that we had plenty of time. I was curious as to why she was being so formal about introducing me to someone who I was bound to meet anyway. When I asked, she gave me a typical cryptic Alice answer.

"No reason, just didn't want you to feel that I was pushing someone on you. You'll see, it will work out."

Yeah like that helped with my confusion and curiosity.

I spent Wednesday catching up on some reading assignments and started jotting down ideas for my midterm paper in Comparative Lit. I avoided the music building at all cost. I really needed to practice on some pieces Dr. Smithwick had given me, so I asked the girls if they minded if I practiced in the common room. They were actually thrilled that they would finally get the chance to hear me play the clarinet. So for an hour, they ate popcorn and listened to me play. It was like giving them a private concert and I actually had fun doing it.

I had a late afternoon session with Dr. Kym that I nearly forgot about, but Alice reminded me. She dropped me off and told me that her and the girls would pick me up so we could do some shopping. I was looking forward to spending a night with the girls.

When I walked in her office, she could immediately tell that something was wrong. I didn't even pick out a song for this week, I couldn't. There were too many emotions swimming around in my head. I told her all about the incident with Anthony and how angry and hurt he made me. She listened to it all. Before my time was up, she pointed out some things to me that I hadn't thought of. First of all, and this could be considered the silver lining to the cloud that had hung over me all week, my ups and downs this week weren't caused by my thoughts of Elizabeth, Katie, James, or anything that happened in Phoenix. This was an improvement. Second, I had opened up to not one but three other people about what happened. I had gained three new friends who were there for me and understood me better because of it. Third, and Dr. Kym felt this was the most significant thing, I had formed a close relationship with another male that I trusted.

It was hard to explain why I felt so comfortable with Emmett. At first things were a little tense with us, but that was due to Em, not me. I actually talked to him about it after our drum lesson. Turns out, he was just internally processing everything that I had been through and working through his anger. He is a protector and he couldn't fathom that someone could do something like James had done to me and my friends. He was also just being careful around me because he knew I was uncomfortable around males. He didn't want to cross any unseen boundaries. Dr. Kim was very pleased with the friendship that was growing between me and Em.

So even if Anthony had caused me hurt and anger, my personal accomplishments trumped that. She reminded me that part of opening up to people came with risks, but that I would never escape my past or move past what happened unless I took chances, and that meant accepting that not all things would turn out well. But I had to learn to trust again if there were ever going to be any meaningful relationships in my future. My future...those words were starting to take on a whole new meaning for me. I was finally starting to believe that I did have a future that was worth trying for.

By the time Alice picked me up, my emotions were all over the place, and although I could honestly say I felt good about my progress, I still needed something to lift my spirits. Retail therapy was exactly what I needed. Yep, Alice is definitely rubbing off on me. Luckily both my mom and dad had seen fit to send me money earlier in the week.

While walking through the mall, we all spotted a body piercing shop. Alice squealed and proclaimed that she had an awesome idea. She thought it would be really cool for all us girls to have a "bonding" experience by getting pierced together. I was unsure at first, but once Rose and Ang agreed to it, I went for it. Okay, so this would be my first act of college rebellion....well second if you count my first time getting drunk and dealing with a hangover.

So 45 minutes later, the four of us walked out sporting new belly rings. Not just any belly rings. Alice decided to treat us since it was her idea and she spared no expense. She bought us all platinum belly rings, each containing a different jewel. Alice picked a diamond for herself, a sapphire for me, a ruby for Rose, and an emerald for Ang. I do not want to see that credit card statement.

When we returned to our room that night, we were each loaded down with bags of new clothes, shoes, and accessories for our trip to Forks. I reminded Alice that Forks was really small and new clothes weren't necessary. She quickly hushed me and said new clothes were always necessary no matter the occasion or location.

I woke up Thursday morning with a sense of dread. I couldn't avoid the music building today. I had another lesson with Dr. Smithwick. I wanted to go to the coffee shop to see if Anthony would be there, I wanted to confront him, but after talking to Dr. Kym yesterday afternoon and the girls last night, I decided that I just needed to leave it alone. I would think of the situation as nothing more than a 'growing' experience. So in order to keep my mind occupied, Alice, Ang, Rose, Jake, Jasper, and Em all met for an early breakfast in the cafeteria. Jasper tried to drag Edward along but apparently he had a late night and couldn't be forced out of bed, well that was the excuse he gave Jasper. Jasper, who had an impeccable ability to see through ones bullshit, said he felt Edward was lying and that something was more was going on with him, but didn't want to press him on the issue. Alice decided she was going to go see him today since he couldn't join us over the weekend. She wanted to see for herself what was up with Edward.

We all talked about our fun night we had planned and Em promised Jasper and Alice he would create them drinks.

I made it to my lesson without running into Anthony. I was relieved. We had a good session and I told her about the private performance that I had given my suite mates. Before leaving, she asked if I had a few minutes to spare. Since my next class didn't start for an hour, I did have some time so we sat down and started talking. I was blown away by what she had to say.

"Bella, I know you've already been assigned an advisor, but I was wondering and hoping...that maybe you would allow me to be your advisor."

I think I stopped breathing.

"I didn't think you advised students anymore, since you are the head of the department now."

"Well that is typically true, but I want to make an exception. I've already spoken to Dr. Ryan about it, and he said as long as you were okay with it, he didn't have a problem with it."

I was still in a state of shock but managed to answer her.

"I would be honored."

She smiled at me and I could not for the life of me see why so many people referred to her as a bitch. After that was settled, she told me I didn't have to do anything, she would take care of it all, she asked about my week. I told her about it and even divulged that I was attending therapy once a week. I felt like I could completely trust her. I surprised even myself when I told her about Anthony.

She asked me if I would like to join her and her husband for dinner one night after the Labor Day break. I whole heartily agreed. I could see her quickly becoming a very important part of my life.

I left her office feeling much lighter, like a load had been lifted from my shoulders.

Classes on Thursday weren't very trying. Most of the professors were just as eager as their students for the weekend to start. I was in a excellent mood by the time I reach my room that afternoon. Little by little the gang trickled. I didn't have time to shop this week, so instead of cooking, the guys paid for take out. We decided on Chinese. Never let guys order Chinese take out....I think they got one of everything on the menu. I couldn't believe it when the delivery guy showed up holding five bags of food. Needless to say...there wasn't even an egg roll left over. Between Jake, Emmett, and Jasper...us girls almost didn't get enough. Jasper may be skinny, but boy can he eat. He hung with Em and Jake the entire night. Of course watching Alice spear Jasper in the hand with her fork over a dumpling was hilarious.

During supper Jake and Em informed us that the housing transfer was approved and that they would be relocating to their new room once we got back from Forks. They guys were psyched about it. So were us girls. They were going to be in the dorm right next to ours.

Before we started drinking and playing games, us girls had to do our big reveal. Somehow Alice, Rose, and Ang had all kept their belly rings a secret from their guys. So we made them sit on the couch and we lined up in front of them. Alice counted to three and we all lifted up our shirts to expose our belly buttons. We were met by silence .

And then all at once.....

"Oh. My. God!!!" - Jasper

"Fuck, that's sexy!!!!" - Em

"Your girls are hot!!!" - Jake

I was momentarily struck by jealousy that I didn't have someone to look sexy for.

Once supper was devoured, and we had revealed our belly rings, it was time for Emmett to take his turn. While Jake was setting up Rock Band, Em was creating his drinks. He made a Rockin Bella, a Right Hook, a Sassy Scientist, and a Hot Goddess in the Back Seat before creating two new drinks. Once he was finished, he served them up. We were all anticipating the naming of the new drinks. He started handing out drinks to everyone, calling out their names as he did. When he got to Alice, he almost looked afraid.

"And for Alice, we have.....a Perky Pesky Pixie..."

We were all holding our breaths, knowing that only a handful of people could get away with calling her a pixie. She took the drink from him, glaring the whole time, and tasted it. Once the liquid hit her lips, she moaned.

"Oh my god Em, this is amazing!!! Good thing too, if it weren't so amazing, I would have already kicked you in the balls."

"Damn Rose, you rubbed off on the pixie quick. Just leave kido over their alone. We don't want to corrupt her too." Gotta love Em.

He walked up to Jasper, smirking the whole time.

"And for our newest edition...Jizzy Jazz Juice."

Everyone was rolling on the floor by now...expect for me. I didn't quite get it. Rose caught on quickly and came over to whisper in my ear. I think I turned ten shades of red when she explained to me that jiz is another name for....well...another name for...hell I can't even say it. I'm such a virgin.

Anyway, apparently Jizzy Jazz Juice was pretty good...oh god, that sounds even worse. I'm just going to shut up about Jasper's drink.

I quickly changed the subject and suggested we get on with the Rock Band marathon. Everyone had a blast. By the time midnight rolled around, everyone had already met their three drink quota, and Alice wasn't about to let anyone have another.

Alice informed everyone that we would be on the road by 9 in the morning. Which meant we needed to be up and ready to go have breakfast by 8. The movie of the night was 'Clerks.' Sick humor, but still a fantastic movie. Alice declared we were going to have a girls movie night sometime in the future. The guys groaned and the girls agreed...well except for me. I love sick, crazy, funny movies.

"God Bella, you and Edward would definitely get along. He loves this type of stuff too."

Jasper started laughing.

"He needs to meet somebody that can remove the stick up his ass."

Alice looked shocked and turned to glare at Jasper.

"Why would you say that?"

"Look Alice, I like Edward, we get along great. But he's been in a piss poor mood since Tuesday and it hasn't gotten any better. If he doesn't have his face in a book, he has a permanent scowl on his face. I just don't like seeing him in that type of mood. Didn't you notice when you stopped by this morning."

"Well I called his cell before I went over and he told me he wasn't there. I really didn't believe him, but I've learned not to push him." Alice looked worried but didn't say anything else.

Halfway through 'Clerks' it once again dawned on me that I was the only 'non-coupled' person in the room. Em and Rose were on the couch, Jake and Angela were on the love seat, and Alice and Jasper were in the chair. I suddenly felt very out of place and very alone. I knew these were my friends and they would never make me feel that way on purpose but I felt like I was missing out on something. In the past I always had Jake there. He never had a long term girlfriend in high school and lately I've been thinking that was my fault. That made me feel guilty. He has really given up a lot to be my friend.

I could feel myself getting upset, so I quietly got up and went to my room. After getting ready for bed, I grabbed my iPod and crawled under my covers. It wasn't long before Alice was sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Bella, what's wrong."

I couldn't very well tell her what was truly bothering me, but yet I couldn't lie to her either. So I took the non verbal route and just shrugged my shoulders. I swear she is psychic or something because she knew.

"Don't worry. One day someone will come along that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Someone who will accept you...all of you, your past included. Someone who will love the wonderful, beautiful, caring, talented, compassionate person that we all know and love. I'm sorry I suggested we all hang out tonight. I didn't think about how it would make you feel."

"Alice don't you dare apologize for that. I love hanging out with the gang. I don't know what came over me. It's not even like I'm wanting to be in a relationship. I guess I just got overwhelmed at seeing all of the couples in there and it got me thinking about if I'll ever be able to trust someone that much. I also realized how much being friends with me has cost Jake. For years, he's been my best friend. He's never had a long term relationship because no girl he ever dated could handle the fact that his best friend was a girl, so he would end it with them. After that shit that happened with James, he never even pursued a girl. He spent all his time with me. He even changed his college plans, just to come here, to be with me. I depend on him way too much. I take more than I give. Alice, what kind of friend does that make me? How can I ever repay him...for everything?"

"You'll never have to." That wasn't Alice speaking. Jake had come in my room when I wasn't paying attention.

Alice gave me a hug and left the room.

Jake took her spot on the bed and grabbed my hands.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough.... Bella,..I don't even know where to start. You're right, I called things off with other girls because they couldn't handle the relationship that we have. But that was my choice. If someone can't accept you being a part of my life, then they aren't worth my time. Yes, I did spend most of my time with you after James. Again, that was my choice. I would have never been able to look at myself in a mirror if I hadn't been there for you. I needed to know that you were okay. I wanted to be the one that took care of you. It was for me just as much as it was for you. Yes, I changed my mind about where to go to college...again, my choice. I did these things because you are a very big part of my life. I would do anything for you. You want to know why? I love you Bella and if the roles had been reversed, I know you would have done the exact same thing. Your friendship is one of the most important things in my life. No matter where life leads us, we'll always have each other and will always be together. Please Bella, believe me when I say I don't regret not one of those decisions. Stop doing this to yourself. Please, for me, just accept that."

I was sobbing by this point. I was overwhelmed. I had experienced so many highs and lows this week and I couldn't control it anymore.

"And as far as meeting someone...well I'll never think there is anyone good enough for you. Hell, any guy you decide to bring home should probably be more scared of meeting me than meeting Charlie." He chuckled to himself.

"Yeah, but Charlie has a gun." I gave him a small smile.

"And...what do you call these babies?" He flexed his biceps "Gun show baby!!!!"

I had to laugh, he can be so corny sometimes.

"But seriously, when you do meet someone who is worthy of you, you'll know. And I promise I'll attempt to be nice to them and hide my inner asshole, unless he is needed. But if he hurts you, then all bets are off."

"Thanks Jake. I don't know that I'll ever be able to tell you how much your friendship means to me and how much I rely on it."

He gave me a hug and kissed my head.

"Want me to stay in here with you?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm okay. Now get your ass back out there to that sexy woman you've snagged."

"Working on snagging...I haven't got her yet." He said smiling.

"It's only a matter of time Romeo."

Jake pulled me into a bear hug and kissed my cheek.

"Night Bells. I love you and I'll never regret our friendship or the choices I have made. My life wouldn't be complete if you weren't in it."

All I could do was smile at him. I was afraid to speak for fear of the waterworks breaking lose once again.

After he left the room, I replaced my earbuds and thought about everything Jake had said to me. This started the tears again and I quietly cried myself to sleep. Talking with Alice and Jake had made me feel better, but once the damn burst, you just have to get it all out. I needed to get all these raw emotions under control before our trip. I needed to have a fun filled weekend without the burdens of my past or Anthony. I would talk to Dr. Kym next week about my guilt concerning Jake, but this weekend was going to be about my friends. I couldn't wait.

By 8 the next morning, drill sergeant Alice had given us all a wake up call, dictated the order of showering, oversaw the loading of the luggage, and marched us all to the cafeteria for breakfast. She is a force of nature.

While we were all busy piling our plates with food, Alice grabbed a banana and and told us she had to go see Edward before leaving. She was planning to meet us in front of the dorm at 9 sharp. I knew that look of determination on her face. Edward better watch out.

By 9:10, we were all loaded in the cars and heading towards Forks and La Push. It was decided that Alice and Jasper would take the lead, followed by Jake and Ang, leaving Em, Rose, and me to pull up the rear.

Yep we were delayed and Alice didn't freak out. While loading up, Alice and Jake offered to let me ride with them once again, but before I could say anything Em had thrown me over his shoulder announcing

"Kido is with me so back off." I hated the nickname but coming from Em, well it made me smile. He really was getting into this big brother role. I could see Rose smiling at the interaction between me and Em. Despite her standoffish nature, she is really a warm and caring person. Where Em is more outward with his affection, Rose is more reserved. Since telling my story, there have been several occasions that Rose had walked by me and grabbed my hand and gave it a quick squeeze, or gave me a hug for no apparent reason.

The morning after I told my story, I was sitting on our couch brushing my hair. She came up behind me and took the brush from me and started combing through my locks. I told her that my mom always did that to sooth me and that Jake used to do that in the months following James. Since then, she has taken up as my resident hair brusher. She has never vocalized it, but I think that is her way of saying she is there for me.

Surprisingly it was a warm sunny morning so Em decided to take advantage of the wonderful weather and took the top off the jeep. So with the top down, the sun shinning, and high expectations of an awesome weekend, we peeled out of the parking lot.

Em threw my iPod to me and waggled his eyebrows.

"Surprise us kido. You're in charge!!!"

Rose looked so shocked at his actions that I couldn't help the laugh that escaped.

"He never lets anyone control the music. In all the years we've been together, I've never seen him offer up control of his radio to anyone."

"Oh Rosie, trust me...you'll enjoy this!!!"

So I decided to start off with a bang.

All it took was the first three notes for both Em and Rose to figure out which song I selected.

"I bow to the queen" was the only response Rose gave. And then we all started promptly singing.

_Oh my god_

_Becky, look at her butt_

_Its so big_

_She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends_

_Who understands those rap guys_

_They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute_

_I mean her butt_

_It's just so big_

_I can't believe it's so round_

_It's just out there_

_I mean, it's gross_

_Look, she's just so black_

Alice pulled up beside us and screamed....

"Sir Mix-A-Lot...I haven't heard this in over a decade!!!!"

Jake and Ang pulled up on the other side of us and Ang freaked out.

"Oh my God, I LOVE this song."

So we all sat in the parking lot in front of the dorm singing 'I Like Big Butts' at the top of our lungs and getting stared at by all the passing students. We didn't care.

_I like big butts and I can not lie_

_You other brothers can't deny_

_That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist_

_And a round thing in your face_

_You get sprung_

_Wanna pull up tough_

_Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed_

_Deep in the jeans she's wearing_

_I'm hooked and I can't stop staring_

_Oh, baby I wanna get with ya _

_And take your picture_

_My homeboys tried to warn me_

_But that butt you got_

_Make Me so horney_

_Ooh, rump of smooth skin_

_You say you wanna get in my benz_

_Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy_

_I've seen them dancin' _

_To hell with romancin'_

_She's Sweat,Wet, got it goin like a turbo vette_

_I'm tired of magazines_

_Saying flat butts are the thing_

_Take the average black man and ask him that_

_She gotta pack much back_

_So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah)_

_Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)_

_Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt_

_Baby got back_

_(LA face with Oakland booty)_

_I like'em round and big_

_And when I'm throwin a gig_

_I just can't help myself_

_I'm actin like an animal_

_Now here's my scandal_

_I wanna get you home_

_And UH, double up UH UH_

_I aint talkin bout playboy_

_Cuz silicone parts were made for toys_

_I wannem real thick and juicy_

_So find that juicy double_

_Mixalot's in trouble_

_Beggin for a piece of that bubble_

_So I'm lookin' at rock videos_

_Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes_

_You can have them bimbos_

_I'll keep my women like Flo Jo_

_A word to the thick soul sistas_

_I wanna get with ya_

_I won't cus or hit ya_

_But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --_

_Til the break of dawn_

_Baby Got it goin on_

_Alot of pimps won't like this song_

_Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it_

_But I'd rather stay and play_

_Cuz I'm long and I'm strong_

_And I'm down to get the friction on_

_So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)_

_Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah)_

_Then turn around_

_Stick it out_

_Even white boys got to shout_

_Baby got back_

_(LA face with the Oakland booty)_

_Yeah baby_

_When it comes to females_

_Cosmo ain't got nothin to do with my selection_

_36-24-36_

_Only if she's 5'3"_

_So your girlfriend throws a Honda_

_Playin workout tapes by Fonda_

_But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda_

_My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun_

_You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt_

_Some brothers wanna play that hard role _

_And tell you that the butt ain't gold_

_So they toss it and leave it_

_And I pull up quick to retrieve it_

_So cosmo says you're fat_

_Well I ain't down with that_

_Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin_

_And I'm thinkin bout stickin_

_To the beanpole dames in the magazines_

_You aint it miss thing_

_Give me a sista I can't resist her_

_Red beans and rice did miss her_

_Some knucklehead tried to dis_

_Cuz his girls were on my list_

_He had game but he chose to hit 'em_

_And pulled up quick to get with 'em_

_So ladies if the butt is round_

_And you wanna triple X throw down_

_Dial 1-900-MIXALOT and kick them nasty thoughts_

_Baby got back_

_Baby got back_

_Little in tha middle but she got much back _

After the impromptu concert it was really time to get going. With Alice in the lead, me in charge of music, and Jake just being Jake, it was sure to be an interesting trip.

"La Push or bust baby!!!" Em yelled as we peeled out of the parking lot. I couldn't wait to escape the reality of my life and spend the weekend with my friends.

**A/N: So Sir-Mix-A-Lot always made me laugh and dance. Up next we get to see a very flustered and confused Edward. Their meeting will happen in Chapter 20. Let me know what you think so far**.


	19. Chapter 19: Different Perspectives

**A/N: I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has added me to their alerts. I truly appreciate it and hope that you are all enjoying the story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. **

**I know everyone is anxious for "the meeting" and I promise it will happen in chapter 20.**

**This chapter is Edward's as well as Alice's POV. I hope you enjoy. Get ready for angsty and confused Edward. **

**Chapter 19: Different Perspectives**

**EPOV**

"What is up with you Edward?" Jasper asked for about the hundredth time today. I was sick of the question so I just glared at him.

"Fine, you don't want to answer, that's your business. I just don't like this funk your in."

If he only knew.

"I'm heading over to Alice's for the night. We are leaving for La Push and Forks in the morning. Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"I'm good. I have things to do here."

"Whatever dude. You're avoiding something, something big, but I give up. I'll see you late Monday. If you change your mind, give us a call."

He is a perceptive bastard. All I could manage was a wave of the hand.

Jasper was right, I had been in a shitty mood. I don't know how he has put up with me since Tuesday. I didn't even want to put up with myself. I couldn't understand why I had the reaction I did to Marie. I don't know why I felt so betrayed by her. It's not like we were in a relationship. We barely know each other. But I just couldn't get that image out of my head. My feelings had been all over the place since Tuesday.

On Tuesday I made my way to the coffee shop, and although I was running late, I was hoping to catch her before her lesson. We never made plans to meet up but I was hoping this would become a standing appointment. It was crowded when I walked in and I didn't see her. Disappointment shot through me. But since I was already there, I decided to get some coffee. When the barista called my name, I made my way up to the counter to get my order. Glancing to the right, I saw her. I could tell she was talking but I couldn't tell to who. Her friend was being blocked by the crowd. Picking up my drink, I started to make my way over to her. I took the fact that she was here as a sign that she wanted to see me just as much as I wanted to see her.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I finally saw the person she was sitting with. He was a massive guy. Hell massive wouldn't even describe him. He had dark colored skin, and long black hair. Even I could see why girls would be attracted to him. But what happened next rocked my world.

I saw the guy reach across and grab her hand. He looked upset. Marie looked into his eyes and said

"Don't worry Jake, no one is going to replace you."

Then she kissed him on the cheek.

Things fell into place immediately. The day I saw her outside of Dr. Kym's office, she was getting out of a car and I heard her say 'Love you Jake'. This was her boyfriend. How stupid was I. I never even asked if she had a boyfriend. Her head shot up and our eyes met. I felt so hurt and angry, but mostly I felt betrayed. I'm sure she could see that in my eyes, because she looked scared and confused.

I had to get out of there, I felt like the walls were closing in on me. So I turned and rushed out into the quad, knowing the morning rush would swallow me up. I spent the rest of the morning in a foul mood. I couldn't figure out why I had reacted in that manner. We were just two people getting to know one another. It was true I hadn't asked her if she had a boyfriend. She hadn't asked if I had a girlfriend either. Maybe she only wanted friendship. That's all I wanted too....wasn't it?

If I was being completely honest with myself, and I rarely was these days, I would have to admit that even though I say I only want friendship, deep down, I was actually hoping that one day I could have a real relationship...and I was hoping it may be with Marie. I was just drawn to her. I felt a connection to her, one that friendship wouldn't satisfy. But that was all gone now. God, I couldn't hold a thought in my head.

After everything that happened with Jessica, I didn't think I'd be able to put myself out there again. But I had and what happens...I get burned...again. At least I hadn't wasted a lot of time getting to know her. I got out of the situation before I could get hurt any further. For that I was pleased. But I couldn't help the sense of lose that I was feeling. I had no idea how to deal with all the emotions and thoughts that were running through my head.

I wasn't even thinking about running into Marie when I made my way to the music building. I was so lost in my thoughts. I was only thinking about releasing some of the pent up anger I was feeling. The anger was directed more towards myself than anything. I just didn't treat people that way and I was feeling ashamed. My emotions were bubbling too close to the surface these days. I needed to get to a piano.

After pounding on the piano keys for an hour, some of my stress had subsided but I was still deep in thought while walking down the hall towards the exit of the building when someone barreled into me.

"I'm so sorry." I heard her say. Yep, just my luck. The one person I'm trying to avoid and she runs right into me, literally.

I was so stunned that I didn't even bend down to help her pick her things up. The whole time she was gathering her belongings she continued to apologize and I just stood there like the jackass that I am. Could I be anymore of a dick? But at the same time the anger and betrayal I felt towards her bubbled back up.

When she stood up, I knew she saw it on my face. She looked shell shocked. After a few seconds she sucked in a deep breath, preparing to speak, but I stopped her.

"Marie, I'm sorry about this morning...but"

She cut me off before I could continue.

"Let me explain."

I mentally kicked myself. She felt like she needed to explain. As much as I wanted to hear it, I didn't know if I could stand there and listen. Those were the same words Jessica spoke to me before she turned my world upside down. I couldn't handle that again. So I turned into an even bigger asshole.

"There's no need to explain...." I hesitated but before she could cut in, I started speaking again.

"I don't think I can be friends with you." I had never intended to speak those words to her, but something inside of me snapped. I don't know when it happened but sometime during our few encounters, she had become important to me. I didn't think I could have a friendship with her, knowing there was no chance of something more. I was building up the walls to avoid getting hurt again. I just looked at her, taking in all the features of her face, and all the pain of her eyes. I saw flickers of hurt, anger, and confusion flicker in them. I could see the questions forming and I knew I had to get out of here before any of them broke the damn.

I made it as far as the corner and before I could stop myself, I glanced back at her over my shoulder. What I saw broke my heart. Marie was standing in the middle of the hall, with tears streaming down her perfect face. I am an asshole. I paused, almost walking back to her, but I didn't want to deal with the situation, well more like couldn't deal with it, so I turned around and continued walking out of the music building, like the bastard I am.

I made it outside only to stall, lost in my pathetic thoughts. I needed to know if she was okay so I walked back inside and towards the practice rooms. I knew she would be in room 13, she always was. What I heard only made me hate myself more. I listened as she played Beethoven's 5th and Bach's Toccata and Fugue...songs I associate with anger. But the kicker...she finished up with Claire de Lune. I couldn't help but remember the first time I heard her play this. It was obvious that this song had meaning to her. Just like that first time, I could hear her pain laced in the song. She almost caught me spying on her when she exited the room, but I was able to slip into an empty room before she saw me. She looked so broken when she emerged. Could she really be feeling the same way I am? I doubted it.

For the rest of the week, I spent all my free time with my nose in a book. Jasper saw through me and called me out on my bullshit, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. So I disappeared into myself. I knew this was a bad idea, I knew where this could lead, but I allowed it to happen anyway.

I called Dr. Kym's office on Thursday morning to see if she had any appointments open. If I ever needed to talk to someone, now was the time. She did have something open on Friday afternoon so I took it. I was supposed to shadow a doctor on Friday night, but he had traded shifts so he could go away for the weekend with his family. I started thinking about maybe going to Forks after my appointment but only if I could pull myself out of this self loathing mood I was in. No need to ruin the weekend for my family or all of Alice's friends.

Friday morning I was brought out of a restless sleep by banging on my door. I rolled over and saw it was only 8:10 in the morning.

"Edward, get your ass out of bed and answer the damn door."

Alice sounded pissed.

I got out of bed and slipped on some gym shorts and a t-shirt before opening the door. Alice barged in like she owned the place.

"Okay Edward, you've had three days to wallow. Enough is enough. What the hell is wrong with you?"

So Jasper ratted me out, that traitor.

"It's nothing Alice."

"Bullshit. You haven't acted like this since Jessica."

"Alice, leave it alone. I said I was fine."

"I don't believe you. Now you'll either talk to me now, or you can deal with mom and dad."

"You don't play fair Alice."

She just glared at me. I was planning on just staring her down, but damn she scared me.

"Fine." I sighed. I was resigned to talk about this. But at least it was to Alice. She never judged me.

"Remember the girl I told you I met, Marie, well I saw her on Tuesday morning with someone and I kinda lost it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well we met last week on Tuesday and Thursday at the cafe before classes and although we never made plans to meet up this week, I was hoping she'd show up. Well I got to the coffee shop and she was with some behemoth of a guy. He was holding her hand and I heard her tell him that no one would take his place and then she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Things just fell into place, she has a boyfriend. I should have asked her up front. I saw her getting out of a car outside of Dr. Kym's office one day and she was telling someone named Jake that she loved him and she was with a guy named Jake on Tuesday. Alice how could I be so stupid?"

She smirked at me before replying.

"Edward, I didn't think you were interested in anything but friendship."

"Neither did I, but there is something about her that I am drawn to. I know I can't jump into a relationship with someone but I was hoping after we got to know one another better that maybe we move past just being friends. I sound like a twelve year old girl."

Alice just listened as I told her the rest story. She looked horrified and disappointed.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you were such an ass to her."

"I know, you don't have to tell me."

By now Alice was looking at me with a strange expression on her face.

"Alice, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you know something you aren't sharing."

"Don't know what you're talking about....Hey, are you sure you don't want to come with us to La Push and Forks this weekend? Might do you some good to get away, plus you could finally meet Bella. I think you two would get along perfectly."

"Alice, I told you no matchmaking."

"Oh shut up, I just want you to meet my roommate. She's a great girl and you two have a lot in common. She's just looking for friends, just like you."

"Sorry Alice, I have an appointment with Dr. Kym this afternoon."

She was giving me the pout.

"Tell you what, how about you set up something for next week for me to meet your roommate and the gang that you talk about all the time."

"You can count on it. If you change your mind about this weekend, call me. I'd love for you to come home and I'm sure mom and dad would love to see you too. Plus your piano was delivered this week. Speaking of, would you mind if Bella played it?"

"Your roommate plays?"

"Yep, I haven't heard her play, but from what I hear, she's pretty awesome."

"No Alice, it's fine. It should get some use if I'm not there."

I spent the rest of the day just thinking. I couldn't concentrate on any particular thing. I was starting to think a weekend away would do me some good.

I was having a hard time finding a song for my session with Dr. Kym, nothing seemed to contain everything I was feeling. But while driving to my appointment 'Showbiz' by Muse started playing. It was perfect for today, although it didn't convey everything, she would understand what I was going through.

I walked into her office and placed my iPod on her doc and scrolled through my songs. Once I found it, I pushed play and Muse filled the room.

_"Showbiz"_

_Controlling my feelings for too long_

_Controlling my feelings for too long_

_Controlling my feelings for too long_

_Controlling my feelings for too long_

_Forcing our darkest souls to unfold_

_And forcing our darkest souls to unfold_

_Pushing us into self destruction_

_Pushing us into self destruction_

_And they make me_

_Make me dream your dreams_

_And they make me_

_Make me scream your screams_

_Trying to please you for too long_

_Trying to please you for too long_

_Visions of greed you wallow_

_Visions of greed you wallow_

_Visions of greed you wallow_

_Visions of greed you wallow_

_And they make me_

_Make me dream your dreams_

_And they make me_

_Make me scream your screams_

_Controlling my feelings for too long_

_Controlling my feelings for too long_

_And forcing our darkest souls to unfold_

_And forcing our darkest souls to unfold_

_And pushing us into self destruction_

_And pushing us into self destruction_

_And they make me_

_Make me dream your dreams_

_And they make me_

_Make me scream your screams_

"interesting choice Edward. Is it safe to say your past demons are haunting you this week?"

"That's a safe guess."

"Let's talk about your song choice."

I started off by telling her about my week and what happened with Marie. I was momentarily distracted by the look that came across her face. It was the same one Alice gave me this morning.

"How does 'Showbiz' come into play?"

"I just feel like I've had all these emotions coursing through me for so long. Before that stuff with Jessica happened, I wasn't an angry person. Things didn't get to me or rile me up like they do now. I always feel like my anger and bitterness are just underneath the surface and anything will cause them to erupt. I have to fight to keep everything bottled up. I hate being like this. The one line that really strikes me is 'pushing us into self destruction' because that's how I feel this week. I can feel myself starting to go down that path again, and I don't want to. When will Jessica stop having such an impact on my life?"

"I actually felt happy for the first time in months during the brief times I was with Marie. There were no expectations, she wanted to know me for me. We had so much in common and I felt this connection to her like I've never felt for anyone. I can't even explain the connection."

"Do you think it was a sexual attraction?"

"Honestly, no. I don't mean to say I didn't find her attractive. Quite the opposite, I think she is beautiful. I've been attracted to her from the first moment I saw her. But it was deeper than that. I felt like she understood the hurt and pain I had been through. Nothing she ever said lead me to believe that, it was the look in her eyes that told me she had been through something too. I felt a kinship with her, like I could share my past with her openly and she would understand."

"I just want the hurt and anger to go away. I want to be able to trust people again without questioning their motives. I don't want to be bitter anymore. I want to be happy. I want to have a normal relationship with someone. I thought I was getting over it all, but now I don't know."

"Actually Edward, I think you are at a pivotal moment in your therapy. You've never fully expressed these things before. It's a good thing. You have vocalized what you want as well as how much what Jessica did has effected you. Sometimes you have to be broken before you can be fixed. Maybe this is your breaking point. I suggest you go visit your family this weekend, like your sister suggested. It will do you some good to be with family and meet new people."

"I'd also suggest talking to Marie. I understand your hesitation. Wait until you are sure your emotions are under control. You said she tried to explain but you wouldn't let her. I think you would benefit from hearing her explanation. Don't write off a relationship with her yet. You may only get friendship out of it, but that wouldn't be a bad thing. Take things slow. But remember, don't jump to conclusions and always communicate."

Her buzzer sounded, indicating the end of the session.

"Edward, I think this was a good session. Take some time to have fun this weekend, even if you don't go home, do something that you will enjoy. I promise it will help."

"Thanks Dr. Kym."

And with that I left. I knew what I had to do. I picked up my phone to call my sister.

"Alice..."

"Edward!!!! You're coming home this weekend aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm coming home this weekend. I want to meet your friends, I want to have a good time, I'm tired of being in this funk. Don't tell mom and dad, I want to surprise them."

"When will you be here?"

"I need to finish up a paper and pack some things, but I'm going to leave tonight. It will be late when I get there."

"I'll wait up. I want to talk."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"Love you Edward, drive safely."

"Love you too Ali."

**APOV**

I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out. And here everyone thinks I'm psychic. At least one of my predictions is accurate. I told Bella that she had already met her perfect half and I was right. I'm still pissed it took me this long to see the connection between Anthony and Marie.

After talking with both Bella and Edward, it was plainly obvious. It was confirmed when I heard Edward talk about a huge guy named Jake that was with Marie. He also mentioned running into each other outside of Dr. Kym's office, that's Bella's therapist. It all fell into place.

Anthony is Edward.

Marie is Bella.

Now that that mystery has been solved, it's time to get these two together. I know they are perfect for each other. I've only held off introducing them because they each seemed interested in someone else and I wanted to respect that. I had a feeling that any relationship either pursued would only end in friendship and nothing romantic. Bella and Edward both had severe trust issues as well as traumatic pasts. Most people wouldn't be able to handle that type of baggage. They would opt for friendship.

I wanted each to have time to grow and develop before introducing them but after the events of the past week, I'm convinced that they are what the other needs. I strongly believe that they can help each other. I also know that neither will take advantage of the other. They are both looking for friendship and there isn't a doubt in my mind that they will be friends first, although each wants more. They will be cautious and take baby steps. They will learn to trust each other and will talk to one another. I know everything will be out in the open between them before they make that next step.

How do I know this...I'm Alice, that's why. People will learn to never bet against me.

After talking with Edward this morning I knew he needed to get away. But he is so damn stubborn sometimes. I left with the hope that Dr. Kym could help him out of his latest funk and talk some sense into him.

The drive to Forks was fun. We got off to a late start, due to the the Sir-Mix-A-Lot concert we gave in the parking lot. I swear, Bella is full of surprises. Jasper and I talked the whole way, although I didn't divulge my recent discovery. He really is wonderful. I hope Jake and Angela are getting to know one another better. They are so cute together, and from what Bella says, Jake deserves someone like Angela.

I wanted Bella to ride with me, but Em insisted that she ride with him and Rose. Looking in my rear view mirror, I could tell the jeep was the place to be. Bella looked so happy and content. After seeing her so down over the past few days, I was glad to see it. If I wasn't so excited about my revelation, I could have killed Edward this morning for putting her through that.

We were passing through a tiny town when my cell phone rang. it was Rose.

"Chinese fire drill at the next stop light."

Well this should be interesting

We pulled up to the stop light and all seven of us jumped out of our cars. When the light turned green, hilarity ensued.

Bella and I ended up in Em's jeep...with Bella driving, although her feet barely reached the gas pedal. Rose and Ang ended up in my car, Rose was driving. And somehow, all the guys ended up in Jake's car...with no driver. Apparently Em and Jake jumped in the back seat while Jasper hit the front passenger seat. The car behind us started honking the horn and Jasper quickly jumped into the drivers seat...now it looked like he was a chauffeur to Jake and Em. Not to mention, that back seat was full, those two boys are huge.

After we pulled away from the stop light, I got a panicked phone call from Angela.

"Alice, we don't know where we are going. Someone else needs to take the lead."

I told her to pull over. The guys followed suit. Jasper was just as lost as Rose was. So that left Bella to lead.

As we passed Jake's car, Em was leaning out the window screaming...

"Don't hurt my baby!!!!"

He even called my cell phone to make sure Bella was 'treating his baby with the proper respect she deserved.' I swear, men and their cars.

Bella wanted to surprise her dad, so once we hit the Forks town limits, she made a mad dash for the police station. To say Charlie was surprised to see three car loads of college kids pull up in front of the police station was an understatement. But he nearly lost it when he saw tiny petit Bella, driving Em's monster jeep. It was pretty comical.

"Bells...I wasn't expecting you until later." He grabbed her and wrapped her up in a bone crushing hug, one that would rival an Emmett hug.

"Can't...breath...dad." He put her back on the ground. "I wanted to surprise you...SURPRISE!!!"

"Well seeing you pull up driving that monster truck certainly did the trick. They guys in the station are still on the floor laughing. I couldn't even see your head over the steering wheel."

After Charlie greeted Jake and asked about Billy, Bella introduced the rest of the gang. We all instantly fell in love with him. He was awesome. He invited us all to dinner after he got off work. He asked me to extend the invitation to Esme and Carlisle. After another round of hugs and hand shakes, we headed towards my new home. This time I was in the lead.

Esme and Carlisle were ecstatic to see everyone. I decided to wait until I was alone with them to properly introduce Jasper. After introductions, I showed everyone the house. Esme seemed quite taken with Bella. There was a natural ease between them. I thought Bella was going to come undone when I showed everyone the music room. Sitting in front of the floor to ceiling windows was the baby grand piano that Carlisle purchased last weekend.

She approached the piano with such respect and grace. She trailed her fingers along the curves of the body and gave feather light touches to the keys. I had never seen that look in her eyes. She was in awe. She reminded me of a female version of Edward. I couldn't wait to hear her play.

"Do you play dear?" Esme looked on her with wonder.

"Yes ma'am. At least I try." Bella is too damn modest for her own good.

"Don't let her fool you mom, she has a full music scholarship."

"I'd love to hear you play dear. I'm sure Edward wouldn't mind."

I smiled to myself. My plans for the weekend were coming together nicely. I just know Edward is going to show up.

"Later mom, I want to finish the tour. Oh, Chief Swan has invited us all to dinner tonight."

"He is such a nice man. He has been such a big help. He and your father have already made plans to go fishing next weekend. Of course we'll go."

Bella called Charlie to confirm the plans.

Esme fixed everyone lunch and then we settled in to make plans for the weekend. Jake called his Aunt to let her know we would be driving to La Push on Sunday. I was so excited to see the beach. Since Charlie had to work over the weekend, Esme insisted that we all stay at the house. We certainly had enough rooms. So we unloaded our bags and relaxed for a bit. Bella was a bit sad that her dad had to work but one of his deputies had to go out of town for a family emergency.

Everyone decided to watch a movie before we left for supper. I took this opportunity to introduce Jasper to my parents as my boyfriend. He was so nervous, but Esme and Carlisle instantly accepted him and made him feel at ease.

As we were walking out the door for dinner, my phone started vibrating in my purse. I pulled it out and saw it was Edward. I quickly made up an excuse to go back inside so I could talk to him in private.

"Alice..."

"Edward!!!! You're coming home this weekend aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm coming home this weekend. I want to meet your friends, I want to have a good time, I'm tired of being in this funk. Don't tell mom and dad, I want to surprise them."

"When will you be here?"

"I need to finish up a paper and pack some things, but I'm going to leave tonight. It will be late when I get there."

"I'll wait up. I want to talk."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"Love you Edward, drive safely."

"Love you too Ali."

Things were falling into place, just as I planned. Like I keep telling everyone. Never bet against Alice.

**A/N: So there you have it. Alice has figured it out. Wonder what she plans to do? How will Bella and Edward handle the revelation? I'll be on vacation for the rest of the week/weekend but plan to write. Reviews make me write faster :)**


	20. Chapter 20: Deception Unveiled

**A/N: Okay so here is the long awaited chapter. I contemplated several different ways they could meet but none of them seemed right. So I hope you enjoy this and I don't disappoint.**

**Chapter 20: Deception Unveiled**

**BPOV**

We had only been in Forks for a few hours, but I could already feel the tension of the past week fading away. I was so happy to get to see my dad. The stuff that happened in Phoenix really changed the relationship I have with him, for the better. He was never a really affectionate man while I was growing up, but I knew he loved me. Since then, we both take every opportunity we have to let the other know how we feel and I could never get enough hugs from my dad these days. He and Renee are actually on great terms, which I never thought would happen. My dad even calls Phil up, just to chat. Of course baseball can bridge all kinds of gaps, especially when free MLB tickets are involved.

I was bummed that he had to work over the weekend but that's just the type of man he is. He did get someone to cover his shift on Sunday so he could spend the day with me and my friends down at La Push. There was a big bon fire planned for Sunday night that we didn't want to miss.

Forks Diner didn't know how to handle the invasion of a group of college kids. Especially since the Chief of Police and the Chief of Medicine were with us. Everyone there knew my dad. Most knew me, if only by name. Some knew Jake, Esme, and Carlisle, but they were all curious about the new comers. After the tenth interruption, my dad had had enough.

He stood up and got the attention of the crowd.

"Hey everyone."

"Hey Chief." He got in response.

"Look, I know you are all anxious and curious to find out about this group of people I'm with, so I'm going to save you all the trouble of coming over one by one. For those of you that don't know, this lovely couple to my left is Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme Cullen. Dr. Cullen is the new Chief of Medicine."

"This is their lovely daughter, Alice. Her and Bella are roommates. Ironically enough, they found out they were roommates even before Carlisle got the call to come interview for the job."

"Charlie, where's Bella?" a woman about my dad's age asked. I hadn't been to Forks in a few years. My dad had started visiting me in Phoenix after the stuff with James happened.

"Sue, she's right here." He placed his hand on my shoulder.

He had the attention of everyone in the diner now. Thankfully no one said anything about why I hadn't been home in such a long time.

Sue jumped out of her seat and come over to give me a hug.

"Oh my goodness. Bella you have grown up. You are such a beautiful young lady. And talented too, from what we hear. Your dad talks about you all the time."

I started blushing and glanced at my dad to see him blushing as well. He had a big smile on his face and pulled me into a hug.

After Sue made her way back to her seat, he continued the introductions.

"This is Rosalie and Angela. They are roommates and share a suite with Bella and Alice."

A group of high school boys were sitting close to us and we all over heard them say..."Can I move into that suite too." Charlie just glared at them and ran his hand over his gun. They made a quick retreat.

"This big bear of a guy here is Emmett, another of Bella's friends."

"And last but not least, this is Jacob, Bella's best friend. Most of you know his father, Billy Black and his Aunt and Uncle still live in La Push on the reservation. So now you know everyone."

Charlie sat down and winked at me. "That should keep them at bay until we at least finish supper."

Emmett stood up after Charlie sat down.

"Nice to meet everyone. Don't forget to tip your waitress."

That earned a round of laughter.

Dinner was an easy affair after that. My dad got to know everyone better and was having a great time. He had already made plans to come visit us all in Seattle the next time he had a long weekend off. He had an early shift in the morning, so he called it a night, giving me a hug before getting into his truck. If I could take anything positive away from what happened in Phoenix, it had to be the new bond that me and my dad now share.

Esme and Carlisle decided to head back to the house while the rest of us stopped for ice cream. We were pretty tired after the events of last night and the drive today, so we decided to turn in early and get rested up for the rest of the weekend.

I was surprised that in just a week, the Cullen's house was already furnished. Alice and I shared a room, Ang and Rose took one of the guest rooms, and Jake and Emmett took the other. Esme set up an air bed in the guys room so they could each have a bed. She also set up an air bed in Edward's room for Jasper. Jasper didn't feel comfortable sleeping on Edward's new bed before Edward had the chance to.

Alice and I set up talking for a little bit before she decided to go visit with her parents. I was so tired that I don't even remember her leaving the room.

I dreamed of Anthony that night. I know I had only been acquainted with him for a few short weeks, but I had felt such a connection to him. I can't, for the life of me, figure out what his problem was. At least I can be thankful that I hadn't invested too much into a potential friendship, or a possible relationship. But damn, I was so hoping for it. Please, just let me get him out of my head.

**APOV**

It was all I could do to contain myself after talking to Edward. Things were working out better than I had expected. I just hope that both Bella and Edward will be able to overlook what happened earlier in the week and actually talk to one another. They can both be so stubborn and both have trust issues, so this could all turn into a powder keg. But time was no longer my friend. I just have to cross my fingers and hope their more rational sides surface. Please, let this work out.

I really enjoyed the time we spent with Charlie at the diner. He is so much fun. I can really see so much of him in Bella. It warmed my heart to see her interact with her father. She told me a few nights ago that since Phoenix, her and her dad have grown very close. Watching them together tonight brought a smile to my face. Charlie would steal glances at Bella and his face would just beam. And when he pulled her into a hug, her smile could have melted ice. I'm so glad my friend is happy. She deserves it.

By the time we made it back to my house after ice cream, everyone was pretty beat. It had been a long two days and we all needed sleep. But I wanted to stay up until Edward got home. I needed to talk to him and see if I could get a handle on what was going through his head concerning Marie...Bella. After getting ready for bed I decided to go downstairs and wait for Edward. I told Bella I needed to talk to my parents. Which wasn't a lie. After telling Bella good night, I made my way downstairs and found both of my parents in the kitchen. I asked them to accompany me to my dad's study.

Once there, I explained what was going to happen when Bella and Edward finally met. Which meant I had to tell the backstory, at least the parts I knew. They were both a little apprehensive about what may happen but felt confident that Edward and Bella would handle the situation like adults, even if they acted like irrational adults. I still kept my word to Edward and didn't tell them that he'd be here tonight. They kissed me good night and I took up my spot on the couch to wait for Edward.

My phone woke me up around 12:30 am and I recognized Edward's ring tone immediately.

"Hello brother of mine."

"Hello darling sister. Just wanted to let you know that I'm about 30 minutes from Forks, so I should be there by 1 or so."

"Good, I'm waiting up for you in the living room. Mom, Dad, and everyone else turned in early."

"Who is everyone else?"

"Oh, well...everyone is staying here this weekend. Charlie had to fill in for someone at work this weekend. Mom and dad wouldn't hear of Bella and Jake staying by themselves."

"I bet mom is loving having a house full. She is in her element I'm sure."

"You know it. I'll be waiting up big brother. Want me to fix you anything to eat or drink."

"Sure Ali, surprise me."

After hanging up I popped some cookies in the oven. Warm cookies and cold milk always put Edward in a good mood. And I definitely needed him in a good mood.

I was just taking the cookies out of the oven when I heard the front door open. I rushed out of the kitchen and into the foyer to give Edward a hug.

"Shh, everyone is asleep."

"I figured that much...do I smell fresh cookies....Alice, what are you up to? Why are you buttering me up?"

"Can't I just want to do something nice for my brother?"

"Uh-huh, not buying it Alice. As much as I love you, you know warm cookies are my weakness. So what's up?"

He followed me into the kitchen where I had two plates of warm cookies and two glasses of cold milk waiting for us. We settled ourselves on the barstools and had a few cookies. It was now or never. I had to find some things out and I only had a very short time to do it in.

"Okay, you're right, I am buttering you up. Spill Edward. What's been up with you these past few weeks? It's like you are on a roller coaster. One day I see you and you are ecstatic and the next you are going all emo on me. Jasper has even talked to me about it. He is just as concerned as I am. So once again, what gives?"

"Alice...it's compl....

"Don't you fucking tell me it's complicated. This is me Edward. In case you forgot let me remind you who pulled you out of your self deprecating spiral last semester. You can't hide shit from me and quite frankly I'm pissed that you would even try."

I knew that would break him. I hated to bring up the stuff that happened last semester but I needed him to talk to me and he had to do it tonight.

He wasn't used to me being so brazen and I think I shocked him into compliance. He just stared at me and then took a deep breath.

"You're right."

"I usually am. And I'm pretty sure this has everything to do with Marie. Is that fair to say?"

"It is."

"So what's going on? And I don't need a recap of what happened this week, I want to know the reasons you acted like you did."

"I wish I knew. I've been doing nothing but trying to figure out the reasons behind it. I'm not even talking specifically about my freak out on Tuesday. I mean about the whole situation. Alice, she effects me like no one ever has. And when I say I can't explain it, I"m not trying to get out of talking about it. I really can't explain it. From the moment I first saw her, I felt this strange connection. Well even before I saw her, I felt it when I first heard her playing Claire de Lune in the practice room before classes even started. I swear the energy that flows between us is almost palpable. The only thing I can describe it as is electricity."

"The few times I've spent with her, well I haven't felt so light since before Jessica. I was truly happy in those moments. I was so interested in getting to know Marie and developing a honest friendship with her. Yes I'd be lying if I didn't say I thought about it being more, my god she's beautiful, talented, smart, interesting, but I am realistic. I know that I don't need to jump head first into anything right now. I was serious when I said I'm only looking for friendship. But that doesn't mean that friendship can't evolve into something more, in the future."

"Edward, you've only been acquainted with this girl for a few weeks."

"I know and that's what has me all freaked out. It's not rational. But I feel like there is something deeper that connects us, I don't know how to describe it. I feel like she can understand what I've been through. I see the same hurt in her eyes that I know that's in mine. Betrayal, anger, guilt. She seems much older than she really is. It just seems like she's been through some tough shit in her life too."

"I'm going to be honest with you Edward, from what you've told me, you were a grade A asshole to her this week. But I honestly don't think for one minute you actually believe anything you told her. So what are you going to do about it?"

"I plan to find her and apologize. That's one of the reasons I decided to come this weekend. I need to clear my head, let go of that misplaced anger I felt towards her. Dr. Kym really gave me a lot to think about during our session. She actually thinks this is my turning point. I never realized it, but I've never really voiced how angry and hurt I was by Jessica the way I did today."

"What about this Jake person?"

"Well, I don't really know. I never asked if she had a boyfriend, it just never came up. But I'm sincere when I say I want to get to know her as a friend. No matter, what I need to do first is apologize to her. She deserves that above all else. I really was a dick to her and she didn't do anything wrong. I took out my own insecurities and issues on her and that was uncalled for."

"So to sum up...you met a girl, you like said girl, you have an indescribable connection to girl, you want to get to know her better, you'd be okay with just friendship with girl but could see something more in the future, however, you overreacted to a situation without finding out the facts, treated her like a complete ass, feel guilty about the way you treated her, have come to terms with your own feelings, and now want to apologize to her and see if there is anyway you can continue on with your friendship, even if she has a boyfriend. Does this sound correct?"

"Precisely my dear sister."

"And the big kicker is, you've never fessed up to the deception about your name."

"Shit Alice, I had almost forgot about that. I'm screwed, aren't I?"

"Maybe not big brother, everyone makes mistakes. You may want to keep that front and center in your mind when you finally do talk to her."

I couldn't help but smirk at him. And he just glared at me.

"Whatever you say little sis."

It was pretty late, well early in the morning, by this time and we were exhausted.

"Thanks for the cookies and the talk. You can always make me feel better and see things so much more clearly."

"That's what I'm here for. Now go to bed, we've got a busy weekend ahead of us. Oh, and be quiet when you get to your room. Jasper is on the airbed."

With one more goodnight, I climbed the stairs to my room. I quietly opened my bedroom door and slipped under the covers, praying I wouldn't wake up Bella. She needed her sleep. Her world was getting ready to be rocked and I needed her well rested. I couldn't wait for the morning to come.

**EPOV**

I felt much better after talking to Alice. She always seems to know just what to say to calm my nerves. I was more resolved than ever to talk to Marie now. I realized that I did want to pursue a friendship with her, even if it meant me begging for another chance. I knew I would have to explain my outburst as well as the deception of my name, but I was unsure of just how much I wanted to tell her up front. I figured I could just use the "I was hurt in my past and I was scared" excuse. That could work until I knew her well enough to know whether I truly wanted to be completely honest with her and then open up to her about Jessica. That was the only way she could sufficiently understand my behavior.

In truth, I was hoping for a reaction like Alice alluded to. Maybe she was right, everyone makes mistakes and hopefully Marie would be understanding of that. Hell, maybe she had even made some mistakes in her past that would allow her to overlook my deception.

It was late when I finally fell asleep but I set my phone alarm to wake me up early anyhow. I wanted to surprise my mom and dad so I planned to get up early and have coffee waiting for them.

By 6:30, I was sitting at our kitchen island with three cups of coffee, waiting for two of my favorite people in the world to emerge from their slumber. I heard them making their way to the kitchen carrying on an intense conversation.

"Carlisle, I'm just so happy that Alice has made so many wonderful friends. They all seem like such nice young people. I'm grateful that she has taken the time to form real bonds of friendship."

"I agree, but I will say, she seems especially close to Bella. I know they are roommates, but it seems like there is a stronger connection between them. Charlie pulled me aside last night and expressed how encouraged he that Bella has fallen into an easy friendship with the group. She has had such a rough time these past two years. He was starting to worry that she wouldn't ever learn to trust anyone outside of her family and Jacob."

"Shhh, Carlisle. We don't know if she has told anyone about her past and I'm sure she would be hurt if she knew her father had shared it with us."

"You're right Esme. So we have a house full of kids for the weekend. I sure do wish Edward could have made it home. I worry about him. He never takes time just to have fun."

"I miss him so much."

By this time they were both walking into the kitchen but they were so engrossed in each other that neither of them even noticed me.

"Good Morning. I trust you both still have coffee in the morning?"

"Edward!!!! What are you doing here?"

"Well this is still my home isn't it?" I couldn't help but smile at my mom.

"Of course it is son." My dad rushed over to give me a hug only to be pushed away by my mom.

"When did you get here? I thought you were tied up this weekend?"

"Well I was, but plans changed so I decided I needed a break and the best place to do that was here with my family. Plus I hear Alice brought her entourage with her. I got in late last night."

"Oh Edward, you're gonna love her friends. They are a wild bunch. And she is going to be beside herself when she sees you here."

"Actually, Alice already knows I'm here. I called her yesterday to let her know, but I wanted to surprise you two."

After we finished our coffee, dad asked if I would ride into town with him. He had to stop by the hospital and then wanted to stop by the police station to introduce me to his new friend, Chief Swan. These two had formed a fast friendship and apparently Chief Swan was anxious to meet the other Cullen.

Chief Swan was a very welcoming man. He and my father laughed and talked and he asked me about college and how I liked Forks so far. When he asked if I had the chance to meet his daughter and the rest of the gang, I told him no. He laughed and told me I was in for a real treat.

After swinging by both the hospital and the police station, dad decided to make one more stop at the bakery to pick up breakfast for everyone. I soon figured out the real reason for this impromptu father/son excursion. Carlisle wanted to talk to me about Marie. I told him everything that happened earlier in the week and nearly crumbled under his disappointed gaze.

"I know I was wrong dad. I have every intention of apologizing to her as soon as we get back to school."

I could have swore I heard him mumble "or sooner" but when I asked he just said "as you should." But the look he gave me unsettled me. He was the third person in two days to look at me that way. First Alice, then Dr. Kym, and now my dad. I was starting to get annoyed with that look.

After running all our errands, we headed back to the house. Dad told me that everyone was planning to go to La Push on Sunday for the big bon fire that was planned. Alice was hoping that we could just pack up the vehicles in the morning and spend the day at the beach before the bon fire started. I hadn't had the chance to visit First Beach yet, but I heard it was beautiful.

I was anxious to get back home and meet everyone. I was getting excited after hearing so much about them from not only Alice and my parents, but from Chief Swan as well. I had no idea that in a matter of minutes, my whole world would be flipped upside down.

Carlisle and I were walking through the front door when my ears were assaulted with the most beautiful and heart wrenching piece of music I had ever heard. I stopped dead in my tracks, causing my dad to bumped into me and nearly knocking me over. My mom peeked her head around the corner and tensed when she saw the look in my eyes.

"Edward, I'm sorry honey. I didn't think you would mind if Bella played your piano."

I could hardly speak. I didn't care that someone was playing my piano, that's not what had my mind spinning a million miles a minute. It was the song that was being played. I had heard many renditions of Claire de Lune in my life but this one was special. I had heard this once before. This rendition reminded me of the day I met Marie. I had never heard this song played with so much emotion in my life and I was having a hard time believing that another person could play it just as Marie had.

I quietly walked towards the music room, listening intently as I made my way. I stopped before entering the room and saw Alice and Jasper sitting in the chair closest to the piano. On the couch I saw four others, two girls and two guys. My eyes scanned them quickly, one seemed familiar but I was more focused on the girl playing the piano. I couldn't see her face but she had the same color hair as Marie. Hair the color of chocolate that cascaded down her back.

I heard a sniffle and my attention was drawn once again to the couch. My eyes quickly landed on the person that seemed familiar. And then I remembered...this was the guy that was sitting with Marie in the coffee shop. Why was he crying? What was he doing here, in my house? I had a million questions floating around in my head. I was becoming completely engulfed in raw emotions again. Between the confusion I was feeling over this guy, the music that was swirling around me, so full of emotion, and my own questions...I nearly bolted from the room.

Just as the song came to a close, I noticed that everyone in the room was crying silently. I felt like I was intruding on something personal, but again I couldn't help but feel that I had already intruded on this moment once before. Again, the need to make a quick exit was creeping up on me, but before I could make my feet move, Alice spotted me.

She jumped out of the chair and made her way over to me, grabbing my hands and pulling me into the hall.

"Alice, what is going on? That guy in there, the tall dark skinned one, that's Jake...Marie's Jake. What the hell is he doing here?"

We could hear the others in the music room talking to Bella and telling her how proud they were of her.

"Edward, just remember what we talked about last night. Promise me."

"Promise you what Alice?"

"Just promise me that you'll act like a rational human being."

"What is going on Al..."

But before I could finish, my world was tipped on it's axis. Alice's roommate, Bella, was coming around the corner. I swear I was having hallucinations.

"Alice, where are you? Where did you...."

Our eyes met, green to brown.

"Anthony?"

"Marie?"

I looked at Alice, demanding an explanation with my eyes, just like Marie was doing? Marie looked at me as I looked at her and then our gazes fell to Alice once again?

"Alice?" We both asked at the same time.

Alice took a deep breath, and mumbled "this isn't how this was supposed to happen, oh well here goes."

"Edward, I'd like to introduce you to my roommate, Bella. Bella, I'd like to introduce you to my brother, Edward."

**BPOV**

What the fuck?! That's the only thing that came to mind. Was Alice playing some kind of sick joke on me? But what would the point of that be? I was so confused and all the hurt and anger I felt at the beginning of the week resurfaced. But before I could say anything, Anthony or Edward, or whoever the hell this person was, spoke first.

"What the hell is going on Alice?"

"I think you two need to sit down and talk."

"No Alice, you need to explain what she's doing here. What is going on? What did you do? I told you to stop getting involved."

"No you listen Edward. This is Bella, my roommate. Nothing is going on and I did not get involved in anything. Again, you two need to talk. There is an easy explanation for all of this."

By this time, the loud talking had drawn the attention of our friends. Jake rushed to my side.

"Is everything okay, Bella?"

But before I could answer, Alice's brother (who I still didn't know if he was Anthony or Edward) stormed out of the room.

I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my cheeks.

"Alice, what's going on? I can't handle anymore emotional outburst from anyone. Please just tell me who that was."

She pulled me over to the couch and told everyone to give us a few minutes. Everyone but Jake left the room.

"Jake, just give me a minute with Alice. I'm okay."

After a few minutes he finally agreed and left the room.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't realize this was how things would play out."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm just going to be blunt and then I'll explain. Your green eyed boy, Anthony, that you've been talking about for the past two weeks...well he is actually my brother, Edward."

"What the hell Alice, couldn't you have told me that?"

"Bella, calm down. I didn't realize it until yesterday. He doesn't go by Anthony. That's his middle name. Edward is his first. When he talked to me about you, he just referred to you as Marie. I knew that was your middle name but I didn't really think about it until after talking to Edward yesterday morning and that is when I figured it all out."

"Figured what out?"

My mind was still spinning and I was having trouble following.

"I figured out that for the past two weeks that my roommate and best friend, Bella, and my brother and other best friend, Edward, have been meeting, hanging out, and getting to know each other under the names Anthony and Marie. The names alone should have tipped me off, but there were other things, that once fell into place, allowed me to put two and two together and know for sure."

"What things?"

"Well you each had came home on Tuesday in shitty moods due to the other for one, but after talking to Edward yesterday morning and him mentioning a Jake, I just knew. He thinks Jake is your boyfriend. The day you ran into each other outside of Dr. Kym's office, he heard you tell Jake that you loved him and then at the coffee shop, he heard you tell Jake that no one would take his place. When he mentioned Dr. Kym's office, it confirmed it all for me."

Things started falling into place.

"But why would he tell me his name was Anthony instead of Edward?"

"Hello, pot meet kettle. Bella, why did you tell him to call you Marie?"

"Point taken, but you know why. I panicked and I was scared, and you know why so don't ask."

"I'm not going to, but just remember what I told you when we first met, Edward has a story to tell. I won't get into it, because it has to be his decision. Just don't judge him based on that one mistake. Remember, you did the same thing to him."

"Why didn't you tell me this yesterday?"

"I don't have a good answer for that, only that I wanted to talk to Edward in person before you two saw each other. I don't know, really. I'm sorry for that. Do you forgive me?"

"Yes Alice, you know I do. I guess we need to talk."

"Yes you do, but first, let me go talk to him."

I nodded and she left the room to go find Anth...I mean Edward.

I needed to occupy myself so I did the only thing I knew to do in this situation. I walked back to the piano and started playing.

**APOV**

Well that could have gone better, but at least now it's all out in the open. I still think Bella is terribly confused but at least she knows I wasn't trying to pull a fast one one her. Of course, the meeting didn't play out like I thought it would. I had hoped that they would figure it out, talk about it, and then laugh about it. But I should have remembered who I'm dealing with. Two people with extreme trust issues. Bella took it a bit better than I expected but Edward freaked out. So now I'm off to find him to do damage control.

I tried his room first, knowing that he probably wouldn't be there. I knew he wasn't in the music room, although that would have been his first haven of escape, that's where Bella was. I checked my dad's office, only to find my mom and dad looking worried.

"Don't worry, I promise, it will be fine."

After searching all over the house, I decided to try the back yard. We had a nice gazebo outback next to the gardens. That's where I found him.

"What the hell Alice? Did you two set this up?"

"Edward, you know me better than that. I wouldn't do that to either of you. You are my brother and my best friend. Bella is my roommate and my other best friend. I care too much about both of you to hurt you intentionally like that. Please believe me."

"I do Alice but can you please explain what you are playing at?"

"I'll tell you just like I told Bella. I didn't figure this out until yesterday morning while I was talking to you."

"Figured what out?"

"I should have just sat you two down and talked to you at the same time, this repeating myself is getting old."

He just glared at me.

"Fine! Yesterday after talking to you, everything fell into place and I figured out that your Marie is actually Bella and her Anthony is actually you."

"What are you talking about? How did you figure this out?"

"Well aside from using your middle names, you mentioned seeing her outside of Dr. Kym's office, as well as a guy she was with named Jake. Plus you were both in terrible moods on Tuesday and you each told me about a dreadful encounter you had with the other. I'm honestly surprised it took me so long to put the pieces together."

He thought about this for a moment before speaking.

"So...Marie, the girl I've been trying to get to know for the past two weeks, is really your roommate...Bella?"

"That is correct."

"And you figured this out yesterday morning?"

"Also correct."

He glared at me again.

"Then why the fuck didn't you tell me this YESTERDAY MORNING?!!!"

I flinched, Edward never got that angry with me.

"I'm sorry. I don't have a good excuse for that. I wanted to talk to you first to see what your feelings really were. Plus, it would be harder for you to run and hide once you got here. You two really need to sit down and talk all this through."

"Why would she give me her middle name?"

"Jesus Christ, you two really are perfect for one another. Like I told Bella...pot meet kettle. Why did you give her your middle name Edward?"

"You know why Alice."

"Yes, I know why. So just keep that in mind when you talk to her. And Edward, don't freak out on her. She's had a rough time, not just this past week either. I mean, her life has been shit for the past two years. Just keep an open mind when taking to her."

"What do you mean?"

"Not my story to tell Edward, just like yours isn't mine to tell."

And with that, I left the gazebo to let him stew in his thoughts.

**EPOV**

This was all too much. I came home for the weekend to spend time with my family and get away from all things that reminded me of Marie and what happens. She is here, in my private space, with my family, playing my fucking piano. Just like on Tuesday when I was trying to escape her, there she was. It seems fate has decided to throw her at me at every given chance. I needed to get myself under control before going back into the house. I knew we would have to talk this out and I preferred sooner rather than later. If things got to be too much, I could just hop in my car and drive back to Seattle.

I sat outside for about an hour after Alice left me, just sorting through all these random thoughts I was having. I knew it was time to man up and go talk to Mar...I mean Bella. I thought about what Alice said about Bella's past and then I remembered hearing my parents talking about her this morning. It was becoming obvious that my initial reaction that this girl had encounter pain in her life, was true. I knew I would have to tread lightly. I took a couple of deep breaths and then extracted myself from the gazebo to go face my fate.

Walking in the back door, I could hear lots of voices coming from the kitchen. I peeked my head in and saw everyone eating cookies, everyone except for Bella. I caught my mom's eye and she made her way over to me.

"Honey, Alice told us a little bit about what's going on. Is everything okay?"

"Yes and no. I owe Bella an apology and an explanation but I don't know if it will do any good."

"Just be honest with her and let the pieces fall where they will."

"Where is she?"

"She's still playing your piano. She is so talented Edward. Maybe even more so than you." She winked while handing me a tray that had a plate of cookies and two glasses of milk on it, before pushing me in the direction of the music room.

"Just keep an open mind Edward."

I made my way to the music room but stopped before going in. I just took a minute to listen to Bella play. My mom was right. I knew she was a great player, I'd heard her on a few occasions but I'd never heard her play like this. She was spectacular. I stood there for a few more minutes until she finished what she was playing and decided it was time.

"That was extraordinary. You really are gifted."

She shot up from the piano bench.

"I'm sorry, your mom said it was okay to continue playing. I didn't mean to monopolize your piano."

"It's perfectly fine. I enjoy listening to you."

"I'm sorr...." Bella started at the same time as I was saying,

"I think we need to ta...."

This made us both laugh. That was the perfect ice breaker.

"Would you like some cookies and milk?" I asked while advancing into the room. I sat the tray on the coffee table before taking a seat.

"That would be great." Bella replied while sitting on the floor across from me.

I waited until she took a cookie before starting.

"Bella...I think we need to talk."

She looked at me with those big doe brown eyes that reminded me of pools of chocolate and nodded.

"Edward....you're right, we do."

**A/N: I'll go ahead and apologize now. I know everyone is anxious for them to actually sit down and talk, it's coming, I promise. Reviews make me type faster.**

**If you are a Jasper/Bella fan, you need to read "Lost and Found" by fiberkitty. It's an amazing story. I stayed up all night reading it. I couldn't get enough.**


	21. Chapter 21: When Worlds Collide

**A/N: I am so sorry it took this long to get this chapter out. I was suffering from massive writers block. I also got sucked into some other great fanfics, which I'll tell you about at the bottom. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint too much. **

**Chapter 21: When Worlds Collide**

**BPOV**

"Bella...I think we need to talk."

Well no shit captain obvious.

"Edward...you're right, we do."

We sat there for what felt like hours just staring at each other, willing the other to start the conversation.

Alice finally broke the strained silence when she hesitantly entered the room.

"Umm...we are all gonna head out for a bit. Did you guys want to go?"

I noticed her giving Edward a pointed glance.

"Thanks Alice, but I think me and Edward have some things to talk about."

With that she turned on her heel and left the room.

"Say it again?" Edward was looking at me with a small smile playing across his lips.

"Say what?" I was confused and growing more anxious by the second.

"My name."

"What name would that be? You've only introduced yourself to me as Anthony." I smiled back at him.

He shook his head and blew out a breath I didn't realize he'd been holding. After taking a few minutes to compose himself he began to speak.

"Hi, my name is Edward. Do I get the pleasure of knowing your name...Marie?"

I wanted to be angry with him, but I had no right. So I played along.

"Hi Edward. My name is Bella. It's nice to meet you."

And with that the tension had been broken. There were going to be a lot of awkward questions to ask and to be answered but now that we had both had time to cool off and do a little reflecting, I was confident that we could handle this conversation in a rational manner.

I picked up another cookie and popped it in my mouth, Edward mimicking my actions. After we finished the plate of cookies, we readjusted ourselves on the couch so we were facing one another, our backs resting on our respected ends of the couch. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. We started speaking at the same time, but I held up my hand in a gesture that let Edward know I wanted to go first.

"Why did you tell me your name was Anthony?"

He opened his mouth, closed it, and then pinched the bridge of his nose. I could tell he was trying to figure out how to answer the question.

"I'm not angry at you Edward, I mean, how could I be. I did the same thing. So no anger in this conversation, okay? Let's just be honest. We haven't had trouble talking to one another over the past few weeks. Nothing has changed, not really. There are things we need to talk about but we are still Anthony and Marie....so to speak."

"I owe you an apology Bella. Not just for the obvious, but for how I acted and treated you earlier this week."

"Well, you were being an ass." I couldn't help but goad him a little. He looked shocked that I said it, before bursting out in laughter.

"I think we'll get along just fine Bella. But to answer your question as to why I told you my name was Anthony...I don't know if you'll find my answer sufficient but it's all I can give you now. I don't know how much Alice has told you about me, but I went through some shit last semester and it has caused me to be very untrusting of people. I'm not proud of it and I truly am sorry for misleading you. I guess it was a way to protect myself. I panicked. The way we met was too similar and brought back too many memories of stuff that happened in my past. Anthony is my middle name though, so I didn't lie completely. I also need you to believe me when I say that you gave me absolutley no reason not to trust you. My mouth opened before my brain could react. And I'm truly sorry that I was too much of a coward to own up to the truth before now." He gave me that crooked smile.

I nodded, totally understanding where he was coming from. It was pretty much the same reason I had given him the name Marie.

"What about you?" he asked.

"First of all. Thank you for apologizing. I accept whole heartedly. But only if you'll accept my apology. Edward, I'm sorry I lied to you that day."

"Apology accepted." God that smile was going to kill me one of theses days.

"Now for the why. Pretty much the same reason as you. I panicked as well. And just so you know, Alice hasn't told me anymore about your past than you just did. I knew that you had a tough semester and that's about it. She said it isn't her story to tell. As for me, well I've had a very rough two years. And I have trust issues, especially with men. Again, like you, I was trying to protect myself, even if it wasn't a conscious thought. So again, I am sorry for lying to you. But like you, I gave you my middle name. I know that isn't a lot of information, but that's all I can give you for now."

"I understand. Maybe in time, we'll both feel more comfortable to share more."

"Thanks." I smiled.

Edward fidgeted in his spot before standing up and stretching. And boy was I rewarded...abs, abs, abs....look at the V. Okay Bella stop it.

"Would you like to go for a walk? It's too nice out to e stuck inside. We can continue our talk. There is a nice stream a few hundred yards behind that house and Esme had benches installed along the waters edge."

"That sounds nice. Let's go."

Edward grabbed a bag of cookies and two bottles of water when he passed the kitchen, told Esme where we were going, and then we made our way down to the stream. I was overwhelmed by the natural beauty of the land. There were several large trees scattered across the property. It reminded me of climbing trees with my dad. I smiled at the memories.

"What are you thinking about?"

I blushed at getting caught.

"Just thinking about when me and my dad would climb trees. I wasn't the most graceful child, I was actually very clumsy, so I ended up with lots of scrapes and bruises, but Charlie always let me climb trees. I fell out of one when I was ten, and I thought my mom would hang him upside down by his toe nails. By the time I hit 13 and I hadn't shed any of my clumsy ways, my mom started enrolling me in activities that would help me gain my center and learn better balance."

I couldn't believe I had just told him all that. So of course, I blushed again.

"You do that a lot." It wasn't a question, just a statement.

I had to laugh.

"It's second nature to me now. The day I don't light up like a Christmas tree at least once an hour...check my pulse and hold a mirror under my nose."

Again, I just ran off at the mouth...word vomit anyone. We had reached the stream by this point and it was gorgeous. Deciding I had divulged too much embarrassing information for a five minute time frame, I turned the tables.

"Okay, you're turn. I've told you my biggest flaw... my ever present red cheeks. What's your flaw?" I laughed letting him know I was kidding with him.

"I don't have any flaws."

"An asshole and cocky, that makes for a great combination."

His laugh made me smile even bigger.

"Well let's see, I'm a perfectionist, I take things way too seriously at times, I can be irrational, and my family likes to tell me I don't take enough time to act my age. How's that for starters."

"It's a start." And he laughed even more.

He pulled out the bag of cookies and offered me one.

"These are really good. Think your mom will give me the recipe? I miss cooking and baking."

"If you'll promise to bake them for me, I'll be sure mom gives you the recipe."

"Deal!!!"

We sat in silence for a few more minutes and I couldn't take it any longer. I had to find out what his problem was on Tuesday.

"Edward...what happened Tuesday?"

His whole body stiffened and a look of dread crossed his face for a split second before he answered.

"I was being irrational Bella" he answered with an air of finality.

And that was all he said on the matter. I was terribly annoyed but decided not to push yet. If I did, I may never get the answers I wanted. I could tell he was holding back but I couldn't exactly hold that against him...I was holding back information too. Edward started twisting his hands together and then started running them through his extremely messy hair.

"So, what's your boyfriends name?"

Huh? Boyfriend?

"When I find one, I'll let you know."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you...well I thought you were with the big guy that was listening to you play."

"Oh Jake..." I snorted and started laughing "He is definitely not my boyfriend. He is my best friend and has been for most of my life."

Edward looked almost relieved.

"So...he isn't your boyfriend...and you don't have one?"

"God no. Jake really is just my friend...well no that isn't totally the truth. Jake was there for me during a very dark time in my life. He was my best friend, my brother, my protector, my rock during a time when I could hardly get out of bed in the mornings. He still is those things to me. I love him very much but it will never be in a romantic way."

"I'm sorry I pushed Bella."

"It's okay Edward. I just needed you to know. If we are going to be friends, you need to know that Jake is a very real part of my life. A part I'm not willing to give up for any reason. We are sort of a package deal. In high school, he even had girlfriends that broke up with him because he refused to cut me out of his life."

"He sounds like a great person, a loyal friend."

"There's none better than Jake."

This seemed to relax Edward a little. I don't know why I felt the need to explain my relationship with Jake but I didn't want Edward to assume anything that could potential affect our budding friendship.

"What about you? Anyone special girls in your life?"

"Yep...Alice. She's my sister but also my best friend. She is to me what Jake is to you. I feel the same way about her that you feel about Jake. She was there for me and was able to reach me when no one else could."

"She is pretty amazing. I can't believe how easy of a friendship we fell in to. It's like we've known each other for years. Within 24 hours, she knew more about me than anybody other than my family. I feel like I can talk to her about anything."

"That's just Alice. She has a sixth sense about things, especially about the character of people. It's like she can read them the instant she meets them. She's never steered me wrong. If I had listened to her from the beginning, I could have avoided the disaster I found myself in last semester."

I could tell he was becoming uncomfortable so I changed the subject.

"I started taking drumming lessons with Felix....Em is taking them too."

"Felix is an awesome guy. You'll have a lot of fun with him. So have you met many people since the semester started?"

"Yeah, actually I have. Of course there are my suite mates, Emmett, Felix, and a guy named Anthony."

He just smiled and laughed at me.

"Hey Edward, can you do something for me?"

"I can try."

"Will you play for me?"

"Only if you'll play for me."

And with that we walked back to the house.

**EPOV**

I think she let me off pretty easily. She could have yelled, cursed me out, stomped off, but she didn't. She sat down and we had a very eye opening conversation. She even accepted my apology and half ass excuses. She didn't push for information I wasn't willing to give. But I could tell, she is also holding back. The compulsion to ask Alice about her past is strong, but I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't want Alice to reveal my past so I'll wait patiently until we are both comfortable enough with each other that I can ask her myself.

Our talk went well. I'm sure there are a lot more questions that we both want to ask but for now, we are in a good place. A good place to work on building a friendship. So when she asked if I would play for her, I couldn't deny her. So I agreed only if she would play for me.

"What would you like me to play?" She asked shyly.

"Whatever you'd like, but I would like to hear you play Claire de Lune. I always seem to catch the ending of it."

She looked at me with unsure wide eyes. She hesitated. And then I felt like an ass.

"Only if you'd like to."

"No, I'll play it for you. But I'll go ahead and warn you, I do get emotional when I play it...please don't ask why. It's a long story...a long story for another day."

I agreed. I understand how music can effect someone and I didn't want to push her.

"Bella, you don't have to play it if it will be too hard for you."

"Really, it's okay. It's good therapy for me. It gets easier each time I do. To be honest with you, the day you walked in on me in the music room...well that was the first time in 18 months that I was able to play through the song in it's entirety."

I didn't know how to respond. So I didn't. I just sat down at the piano and started playing. I started off playing 'Esme's song', I'd written it for her years ago.

"That was beautiful Edward. Did you write that?"

"Yeah, I wrote it for Esme a long time ago as a Christmas present. She makes me play it for her all the time. What else would you like to hear?"

"Umm..what about Hungarian Rhapsody? I love that song."

I knew it well so it wasn't a problem.

After playing a few more songs for her, I was anxious to hear her play.

"Okay, private concert over....it's your turn. And Bella, really you don't have to play Claire de Lune."

"No, I'll play it for you but not first. Anything you'd like to hear?"

"What about Moonlight Sonata? I have the piano music if you need it."

"Nope, don't need the music. I have excellent recall."

She wasn't lying. I sat there mesmerized by her playing. My mom wasn't joking when she told me how well Bella played...there was no comparing the two of us. I didn't realize she had finished playing until she started calling my name.

"Edward...earth to Edward....where did you go?"

"Sorry. I was caught up in your playing. You are amazing. Truly talented."

She was blushing furiously now.

"Thanks Edward, but I don't think I'm any better than you are. You are brilliant on the piano."

"You obviously don't see yourself clearly. Bella, I've already told you how hard it is to get a full music scholarship and you did it. Stop being so modest."

She was shifting around nervously on the piano bench so I quickly suggested she play another piece.

"How about play me something you've written."

"Are you sure? Composition is my weak spot."

"I'm sure you are underestimating yourself....again."

"Okay, but I warned you."

It was a slow but moving piece. It was so full of feelings; love, joy, happiness, but then it turned melancholy and sad. By the end the piece sounded....resolved. That was the only way I could think to describe it.

"Wow. Yes you don't give yourself enough credit. That was beautiful Bella."

"Thank you. I had a very beautiful muse. My grandparents. They were the ones that encouraged me to start taking piano lessons and getting involved in music. They bought me my very first keyboard and when I started excelling, they withdrew money from their retirement fund to buy me a piano. They made it to every recital I ever had, even ones my mom didn't. When I thought about giving up piano to participate in cheerleading, they were the ones that sat me down and made me realize what I'd be giving up, but in the end told me that they'd support me no matter what my decision was. They loved me unconditionally."

"You are very lucky. I never knew any of my grandparents. I bet they were thrilled when you found out you were the recipient of a full music scholarship."

"I'm sure they would have been, but they never found out. They were killed in a car wreck when I was junior in high school. I wrote that song to play at their funeral, well finished it is more accurate."

"I'm so sorry. How did you ever manage to not only write that but play it at their funeral. I don't think I would have been emotionally ready to do that."

"Well I was already working on the song as an anniversary gift. I was planning on playing it at their 50th wedding anniversary party. It only seemed right to finish it and play it for them. As far as how I managed to play it...I don't really know. I don't think it had set in yet. I never really cried until a week after the funeral...it was right after my spring recital. The magnitude of what happened didn't hit me until I stood up to take my bow and my grandpa wasn't their with his usually bouquet of orchids...they are my favorite."

"You are amazing." I didn't mean to vocalize that but I just slipped out. She turned bright red...again. God, I really love that blush.

"So, do you want to hear Claire de Lune?"

"Only if you really want to play it for me."

"You've been warned...better have the kleenex handy."

As soon as she started playing, I immediately felt a surge of electricity run through my body...just like that day in the music room. She really knows how to throw all her emotions into playing. Even if you aren't familiar with music, anyone could tell that this piece meant something to her. I can't even describe the feelings it evoked in me. True to her word, she needed a tissue when she finished playing but it wasn't the waterworks I was expecting.

"Okay, in your words...private concert is now over."

Esme had fluttered into the music room by this point.

"Bella, I hope you don't mind but I was ease dropping. You are so talented. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd actually think someone was more talented than Edward, but dear, you can outplay him any day....Sorry honey, but it's true. She is magnificent."

"I agree mom."

And right on cue, Bella's cheeks flared up again.

"Bella dear, I think you are way too modest when it comes to your abilities. You are truly talented. Anyone that can play an instrument like that should flaunt it honey."

"Actually mom, she plays more than just the piano. She plays the clarinet too. She's on a full music scholarship. Plus she can play the drums as well."

"Okay, enough of that....I don't want my face to be permanently red for the rest of the weekend. I really appreciate all the praise, honestly. And thank you so much for allowing me to play the piano."

"You're welcome." My mom and I said at the same time.

Bella stood up and excused herself to the bathroom.

"So, is everything okay between you and Bella? Alice filled your dad and me in on the situation last night."

"Yeah mom, I think things are okay. We talked, I apologized for being an ass, she excepted."

"That's great sweetie. How much did you two talk about?"

"Nothing too deep. And before you ask, no we didn't talk about THAT. We are working on a friendship and nothing more for now. I think she has some stuff in her past too, things that have caused her issues. I have a feeling that right now, friendship is all she is looking for too."

My mom didn't say anything but her knowing look told me I was on the right track.

"Just be careful with her Edward."

"You know don't you....you know what happened with her." It wasn't a question.

But before she could respond the front door slammed open and the whole house was filled with booming laughter. I stuck my head into the hall way and saw the gang fumbling through the door. It was then that I realized that I hadn't officially met any of them.

Alice told everyone to head to the living room and she her way over to me.

"Did you and Bella talk?" She gave me a worried look.

"Don't worry Ali, we are good." Bella said as she rejoined the group.

"I should still kick your butt for not letting me in on your revelation sooner...." she continued, "but I still love you."

Alice looked at me with her puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry Edward, do you forgive me as well?"

"You know I do short stuff. But I agree with Bella...I owe you a butt kicking for keeping this to yourself."

"I know, I know...but all's well that ends well...right? Now enough of this, come on you two. We have to make plans for the rest of the night and talk about tomorrow."

We followed Alice into the living room and she promptly introduce me to everyone.

I apologized to everyone for what happened earlier and with Bella's help, we explained to everyone what happened. Jake got the biggest kick out of it.

"Shit like this only happens to Bella here...I swear."

She was sitting across the room from him but when he started picking on her, she jumped up, marched across the room, apologized to Angela, then proceeded to pounce on him and they both hit the floor. They finally broke apart when they both called 'uncle', her because he was tickling her relentlessly and him because she had his pony tail wrapped around her hand and was yanking on it...hard. It was truly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Petit Bella and big foot Jake rolling around on my living room floor isn't something I'll forget anytime soon. Poor Emmett was rolling on the floor and holding his stomach from laughing so hard.

I learned a very important lesson about Bella..she is feisty. I could also see how close her and Jake were. Even though she explained to me the dynamic of their relationship, I could tell if we ever moved past the friend stage, it would take some getting used to.

**BPOV**

After Jake finally stopped tickling me and I let his hair go, I remembered that we were in a room full of people. I jumped up from the floor and while in the mist of apologizing for the outburst, I tripped over Em who was laying in the floor laughing. Let's just say that after I peeled myself off Em, no one was able to compose themselves. I was truly embarrassed but hey, what could I do. I stood up and took a bow.

"I'll be here all weekend."

When I looked up, my eyes met Edward's. He looked so content and happy. He was laughing at me, but my god, I'd trip and throw myself on the floor time and time again, if he promised to look at me like that everytime.

What am I thinking.....friends Bella, just friends...nothing more. This is Alice's brother plus I am not ready for anything more than friendship. Well that's what my head is telling me....other parts of my body...not so much. Pull it together Swan. Damn it...I really am turning into JD.

After spaz Bella had withdrawn, we started making plans for the rest of the weekend. I called my dad to invite him to join us for dinner but he was working a double and wouldn't be able to make it. I made plans to stop by the station and visit with him sometime during the afternoon.

"What does everyone want to do for dinner tonight?" Esme asked.

"Well mom, I was thinking that we could break that new huge kitchen in right and cook here tonight. Does that sound okay?"

"Sure sweetheart. We don't have many groceries so someone will need to make a trip to the store."

"We can all go mom. We can kill a bunch of birds with one stone. Bella can go see her dad, we can stop by the ice cream shop since Edward didn't get to go last night, and then we'll hit the grocery store."

"Sounds like a plan. I knew I could count on my organizer. What do you suggest we cook?"

Alice shot me a glance and smiled.

"Mom, do you mind if Bella cooks supper for us tonight?"

"ALICE!!!! Bella is our guest."

But I was excited at the thought of being let lose in that wonderful state of the art kitchen.

"Esme, really. You'd be doing me a huge favor by letting me. I love to cook and I haven't had a proper kitchen to use in a very long time."

"I still don't feel right about this, but if you insist."

"I do, really. Thank you so much."

I turned to all my friends.

"So, what do you all want for supper tonight."

Seven voices practically yelled at me

"LASAGNA!!!"

"Okay, well I think that settles the issue of supper. What about dessert?"

"HERSHEY BAR CAKE!!!"

"Dang, you are an easy crowd to please."

"Well let me make a list and then lets hit the road."

After taking stock of the empty pantry, it was just easier to buy everything I needed. We loaded up in Em's jeep and Alice's car and headed towards the police station. It was the second time in as many days that I surprised my dad, but this time I brought bribes. On the way to the station, I asked Alice to stop by the doughnut shop. I bought three dozen doughnuts of all varieties. I also picked up a huge coffee for my dad.

The looks on the officers faces when we all barged into the station was priceless, especially since Em was in the lead, wearing dark sunglasses and twirling a pair of handcuffs in the air.

I glanced at Rose and she smirked and whispered to me, "he keeps them in the glove box, you know, just in case."

I was not about to ask.

"Chief Swan!!!! I'm here to report for duty sir." Emmett's voice bounced off the walls.

All of a sudden, Em grabbed Rose and pulled her arms behind her back, slapping the cuffs on her in one fluid motion.

"And sir, I've already apprehended this dangerous criminal. She's wanted for being too damn sexy!!!"

Between the look on Rose's face, the seriousness of Em, and my dad slapping his desk and holding his sides, everyone in the police station lost it. I swear, it was like someone released laughing gas into the building. And then just when I thought things couldn't get more hilarious, Rose spun around and in one swift move, performed a text book perfect sweep kick on Em and he hit the floor.

So much for my grand entrance with the doughnuts.

It took a good ten minutes for things to settle down. Once Jake and Jasper helped Em off the floor and he let Rose out of the handcuffs, my dad had finally regained his composure.

"Damn son, do I even want to know where you learned how to cuff a perp so effectively? And you Rose, I think I could use you to train some of my officers."

He finally made his way over to me and grabbed me up in a hug.

"Hey guys, isn't my baby all grown up?"

He was so proud of me. I could feel how much he loved me and I couldn't help but smile. I don't like attention, but I'd put up with anything to see my dad smile like that.

"I brought you and the guys a surprise dad."

Jake carried over the three boxes of treats and I handed my dad his coffee.

"Bells, you are the best. Hey guys, looks what Bella brought for all of us."

I've never seen thirty six doughnuts disappear so fast...of course I think Jake and Em took out a dozen by themselves.

I wanted to introduce Edward to my dad and was able to steal him away for a moment.

"Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend, Edward. He is also Alice's brother."

"I know sweetie, he and his dad stopped by this morning to see me. I was actually surprised that you hadn't mentioned him earlier. You've talked about all your other friends."

"Ummm...well that's a long story. Let's just say, we didn't realize who the other person was until this morning. I'll explain it to you tomorrow at the beach."

After visiting for a while and confirming that my dad was indeed going to meet us in La Push tomorrow we said good bye to everyone, loaded up the vehicles and headed to the ice cream shop.

Even after a dozen doughnuts between the two of them, Jake and Em easily inhaled a triple scoop of ice, each. I do not know where they put all this food.

Edward fit right into the group, like he'd been hanging out with us all along. I didn't see the uptight, too old for his age, Edward that Alice always talked about.

"Alice, Edward doesn't seem anything like the way you describe him."

"Honestly Bella, I haven't seen him act this carefree in a very long time. Wonder if a certain someone has something to do with that?"

"What are you talking about? We are just friends."

"Whatever you say Bella."

And I could have sworn I heard her mumble "never bet against Alice" as she walked off.

We hit the grocery store on our way back to the Cullen's and I swear, we filled up two carts. I was busy picking out all the stuff I would need to make supper while the guys were busy filling up a cart with junk food and stuff we'd need for the trip to La Push tomorrow. I tried to no avail to pay for the stuff in my cart, but both Alice and Edward looked at me like I'd lost my head. So I relented.

Once we got back to the house and unloaded the groceries, I immediately started fixing supper.

"Care for some help?"

It was Edward. I usually don't like to be interrupted while I'm cooking but I wanted to talk to him some more.

"Sure, but I warn you, I turn into a dictator when it comes to my space in a kitchen."

"I think I can handle it" he replied giving me that crooked smile.

So while I started browning the hamburger for the sauce, and boiling the water for the noodles, I let Edward smash the Hershey bars for the cake.

I then moved on to make the cheese mixture while I waited for the sauce and noodles to finish cooking.

"So, let's play twenty questions." Edward stated.

"What are the ground rules?"

He paused for a moment to think before continuing.

"Well, if you don't want to answer a question, you can pass, but you have to offer up an embarrassing story about yourself in its place."

I grimaced but figured I could handle it.

"Deal. You start."

"Favorite band?"

"That's a hard one. I love all types of music but if I had to pick one right now, I'd have to say Muse. I've been stalking their website for the past year, just waiting for them to announce US tour dates. I'd LOVE to go to one of their concerts. Okay. My turn. Favorite composer?"

He was thoughtful for a moment and then broke into a huge grin.

"Bella Marie Swan." I started laughing.

"Are you trying to suck up and get some brownie points?"

"Guilty as charged."

"Well then I guess you better get the name correct. My full name is Isabella Marie Swan. I just go by Bella."

"Isabella is a lovely name…but I think Bella is much more fitting."

There went the blush again.

"Okay, my turn. Favorite color?"

And without thinking I blurted out "green." Shit, maybe he won't make the connection. So I asked the very next question that came to my mind.

"Boxers or briefs?"

"Whoa Bella, why are you thinking about my underwear?"

Oh lord, kill me now. I knew that I was fire engine red and I couldn't hide it.

He started laughing again and smirked at me.

"Commando Bella."

Holy hell, what is this boy doing to me. I just stared at him.

"Umm...Bella, I think you need to stir the sauce, it's starting to bubble."

Thankfully he started in with more questions.

"Favorite author?"

"You ask hard questions. I have many favorites. It all depends on the genre. But Jane Austen is on the top of my list. How old were you when you started playing the piano?"

"I don't really remember to be truthful. I played a little before I was adopted but nothing major. I didn't really start playing until after Esme and Carlisle brought me to live with them. I was just drawn to the piano and I picked it up very easily."

We spent the next hour firing off questions to one another. Right before I started icing the cake, curiosity got the best of me. First kiss?"

"I was seven. I helped my next store neighbor get her cat out of the tree in her front yard. She rewarded me with a kiss. What about you?"

"I was fourteen. Turns out, he was cheating on me with Jake's cousin, Leah. But she had no clue. Paul and I went to the same school. Leah lived in a different county. He was older than me and I was swept up in the whole older guy likes me mindset. One weekend Jake and I went to visit Leah. Let's just say Paul showed up and by the end of it, he and Jake's fist were pretty well acquainted. Turns out, he had quite a few girlfriends."

"Damn Bella, that sucks."

"Pretty much. But the look on his face when he figured out he was busted was priceless. But I was pretty pissed with the male species after that. That's probably why I've never really had a boyfriend since. I've only ever kissed one other guy....and that was like kissing my brother."

"Let me guess...Jake?"

"Yep. We were both tired of not being in a 'couple' and most girls couldn't accept the relationship that we had, so they usually broke up with him quickly, and guys just weren't interested in me. We tried the dating thing; it lasted all of a week. After we decided to kiss, we knew instantly that it would never work. Luckily it only made our friendship stronger. We were able to rule out any possibility of a future relationship and that made it a lot easier to be completely open and honest with one another....okay my turn. Any serious relationships?"

"I dated a girl while I was in high school, but we both knew it wasn't going anywhere, and we were okay with that. It made our senior year pretty easy though. We both had dates to all the events and we knew that there weren't any expectations. I've had one serious relationship in my life....one seriously fucked up relationship. Her name was Jessica...and I take a pass on the rest. And as punishment for taking a pass, I will relive one of my most embarrassing moments for you. I used to get terrible stage fright right before recitals. Well when I was twelve, I got the flu a week before my winter recital. My mom tried to talk me into staying home, but I wouldn't hear of it. I had never missed a performance and I had worked so hard to get the piece perfect. I got to the auditorium that night and immediately started sweating. I swear they had the heat cranked up. My nerves started to get the best of me but I was able to get through the piece. When I stood up to bow, I guess between the heat, my nerves, and the remnants of the flu...let's just say, those sitting in the front row weren't too happy with me...and to make it worse, Esme got the whole thing on tape. She actually sent it into one of those home video shows and it won an honorable mention or something like that."

"That is too funny. I completely understand."

"What's that Bella?"

"Let's just say I can empathize with you. The same thing happened to me when I was eleven, only I threw up all over Jake. He was turning the pages for me as I played. Unbeknownst to my mom, right before we left for the recital, Jake and I made a bet to see who could eat the most marshmallows. Let's just say he won the battle, but I won the war."

"Are you still talking about you upchucking a whole bag of marshmallows on me?"

The rest of the gang had filtered into the kitchen.

"How much did you guys hear?"

"Hey Bella, I bet I can eat more marshmallows than you can."

"Shut up Em. I would just barf them up all over you."

"Then I vote you go for it." Rose was grinning at me.

Our game of twenty questions ended for the moment and Alice and Angela started setting the table.

Everyone raved about dinner and dessert. There wasn't even a crumb of bread left by the time everyone got up from the table. I think Jasper put away just as much as Jake.

"Bella, I speak for myself and Esme when I say you are more than welcome to use our kitchen anytime you please. That was a wonderful meal. Where did you learn to cook?"

"Let's just say, I've had a lot of practice. My mom is a terrible cook. Plus when your best friend is Jake, you've gotta learn how to cook good food in massive quantities."

Since Edward and I cooked, we were shooed out of the kitchen while everyone else cleaned up.

Since we were all suffering from a food coma, we decided to just hang out and watch a movie. It was Alice's turn to pick, and she decided on 'First Knight' an older movie but still a great movie. But then again, I think anything with Sean Connery in it justifies it being called a great movie. Even the guys didn't complain too much about it. Of course all the females in the room ended up with red puffy eyes from all the crying we did.

It was still early after the movie went off and surprisingly it was a clear night in Forks. So Esme suggested we take blankets out in the back yard and do some star gazing. At first it was a little awkward for me and Edward, being that everyone else was paired off, but then we started comparing our knowledge of both astronomy and astrology and quickly forgot everyone around us.

Sometime later, I glanced around and my eyes caught Alice, Esme, and Carlisle staring at Edward and I. At first I couldn't figure out why but then I took stock of our position. We were both laying on our backs, my right side was pressed against his left side, we both had our knees popped up, and our intertwined hands were resting on top of Edward's left knee. I can imagine how it looked but in all honesty, it was very innocent. Edward was trying to point out the constellation of Leo to me and I was having trouble finding it. So he grabbed my hand and used it to point it out so I could get a better line of sight. I guess we just never let go of each other. The thing that freaked me out the most was how natural it felt.

When Alice noticed they had been caught she just smiled at me and turned back to Jasper.

That's when the realization hit me. I was in physical contact with a male and I wasn't freaking out. Okay, while it's true that I can touch men, most of the time I feel very anxious and nervous. It even took me a little while to warm up to Em. But there was no hesitation, no anxiety, or fear while I was holding Edward's hand. I took the chance to look at Jake, hoping I wouldn't see disappointment on his face. He is always very overprotective of me but when I caught his eyes, he smiled at me. I don't think anyone but me, Jake, and Alice realized how big a night this was for me. Edward turned his head towards me, asking me if I could point out the Bull for him. I smiled, lifted our joined hands and pointed to it. He looked at our hands and then back at me, both of us smiling like idiots.

Maybe I could handle more than just friendship.

**A/N: So what did you think? I know there are a lot of questions that they need to answer but honestly, they need to get to know one another a lot better before either spills that kind of info. **

**Now for the recommendations. I have really gotten into Bella/Jasper fics and the following are amazing stories.**

'**Full Circle' and 'The Sword and The Shield' (sequel to Full Circle) by circe290.**

'**An Imperfect Love' by mistyhaze420**

**One more thing…I saw Muse in concert this past weekend. They were AWESOME!!!!**


	22. Chapter 22: First Beach

**A/N: Thank to all of you who continued to read and review this story. You guys are wonderful!!!!**

**Chapter 22: First Beach**

**BPOV**

I woke up feeling quite refreshed after the day I had yesterday. I was very pleased with how my conversation with Edward went. There are still a lot of things that we are both holding back but I'm not going to force anything. When he is ready to open up to me, he will, and vice versa.

The smell of french toast and bacon pulled me out of bed. I rolled over to wake Alice, only to find her side of the bed empty. In her spot was a piece of paper.

_Bella,_

_You looked too peaceful to wake up. I had a dream about you last night. The stars are aligning for your future friend. Just remember, never bet against Alice. Come join us for breakfast when you wake up._

_~Alice_

Damn cryptic pixie.

I got out of bed and took care of the essentials and then made my way to the kitchen. I was the last one to arrive and Esme was just putting breakfast on the table.

"This smells wonderful. French toast is my favorite." I couldn't help but smile.

There was one empty seat and it was beside Edward. He jumped up and pulled the chair away from the table for me.

"Thanks." I said as I started blushing.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" he asked.

"Yeah, actually that's the best sleep I've had in a very long time. Maybe I need to sleep with Alice all the time."

The sound of a fork hitting a plate echoed throughout the room.

"Damn girl, don't say stuff like that first thing in the morning. I have less control over where my mind goes before I have breakfast."

TWACK!!!! Rose's hand was well acquainted with the back of Emmett's head.

"Emmett, don't make these nice people thing you were raised by wolves."

But she didn't have anything to worry about. Everyone was laughing, including Esme and Carlisle.

"Don't worry Rose. We are pretty easy going. Just ask Alice and Edward. We just want our kids to be happy and healthy. We aren't strict on them." Carlisle explained.

"That's the truth. We've always had a very open relationship. I like being a friend to my kids as well as a mother. Really, just be yourselves, be the people that Alice loves so much." Esme beamed with pride.

"See Rosie, they like me."

"How can anyone not like you Em. You're like a big teddy bear."

"Your opinion doesn't count Ang, we're family." Emmett stated.

"Well I happen to agree with her and I'm not related to you brother bear." I laughed at his expression.

I couldn't believe it, I actually made Emmett blush.

"So, what do we need to fix to take to the bonfire tonight?" Esme asked Jake.

"Good question. I'll call my aunt after breakfast and find out. If I know her, she'll say nothing but I'll be able to get it out of her."

After everyone finished eating, I helped Esme clean up the breakfast dishes. I tried to make her leave the kitchen all together, but she wouldn't budge.

"Really Bella, you don't have to do this."

"I know, but I don't mind helping." I really wanted to talk to her alone anyway, so this was the perfect opportunity. The others had either ran to take showers or were hanging out in the living room. Alice and Jake were going to run to the grocery store to pick up a few more things for the bonfire.

"Esme, I wanted to apologize for what happened between Edward and I yesterday. We should have handled things better."

"Bella, you did nothing wrong. Edward was the one that overreacted. Alice actually warned us beforehand. So we were prepared for something much worse. Edward can be a drama queen sometimes, but don't tell him I said that." She laughed.

"Just don't judge him by the way he acted. He really is a great kid, well man now. Sorry, he's still my baby. He has some trust issues and whenever he feels like his trust has been violated, he lashes out. I'm surprised he wasn't more harsh with Alice than he was. But she's always been one of the only people that could calm him down."

I knew I needed to reassure her. She was worried for her son.

"Esme, I can promise you that I won't judge him on that. Remember, I may have only met Edward yesterday, but I've spent the past few weeks getting to know Anthony. And I've enjoyed getting to know that person. We have a lot in common and I think we can be wonderful friends. The only thing that has changed is the name I'll call him. I'll let you in on a little secret as well. I have trust issues too, so I can understand where he is coming from."

She gave me a knowing smile and I just knew that my dad had told them some of what happened to me in Phoenix if not all of it.

"You know, don't you?" I asked quietly.

She took a moment to think before speaking and finally answered.

"Yes. Both Carlisle and myself know. Please don't be upset with your dad. He never set out to tell us anything. He was over for dinner one night and we were talking about how well you and Alice seemed to get along. He started expressing his gratitude towards Alice and admitted how scared he'd been for you to go off to college. Over the course of the evening he began to tell us a little of what happened to you. He knew you'd be upset if you ever found out he broke your trust, but sweetheart, I have to tell you, after he finally got it off his chest, it was like a weight had been lifted from him. He told us that he hasn't told a soul what happened. So the people in Forks are still in the dark."

"Wow, I never realized he carried that with him all the time." I frowned.

"He only wants to protect you. The people he works with know that there was a family issue he had to attend to, but since you were technically a minor when everything first started and due to the nature of the crimes, your name was left out of the public records. So even if someone comes across anything news related concerning what happened, your name wouldn't be mentioned."

"I knew my lawyers were pushing for that. But I guess I never really thought about it due to the semi catatonic state that I stayed in for all that time. I wasn't an easy person to be around. I feel so bad for causing my family so much pain. If it weren't for Jake, I don't know what would have happened to me."

"You're dad told us how close you two are. He also told us how much Jake has done for you. You are very lucky to have such a loyal friend. I hope you know that Carlisle and I would never break yours or your dads trust. And I hope you know that we would never say a word to Alice or Edward."

"I trust you Esme, but Alice already knows. Actually, I told her the very first weekend we moved in. She was the first person I opened up to, outside of my family. I have nightmares, well more like night terrors, and I had one that first night. Freaked her out pretty badly, so I decided she needed to know the truth. I was so scared to tell her, but she was there for me. She held me and cried with me and gave me the support I needed to get through the story. I eventually told the others as well, with the exception of Edward. He doesn't know. He hasn't hung out with our group any, always too busy. But Angela, Emmett, and Rosalie all know, and they have been very supportive. I've been blessed with wonderful friends. Emmett even acts like my big brother. But Alice is different, I feel very close to her, other than Jake, she is probably my best friend. I know that's weird since we haven't known each other long, but I just feel very connected to her."

"She feels the same way about you Bella. The first thing she said to me after getting off the phone with you the first day you called was 'mom, I just got off the phone with the girl who is going to be my best friend for the rest of my life.' And I never doubted her."

"That sounds like Alice. And Esme, I'm glad my dad has someone he can talk to. I'm going to talk to him tonight at the bonfire and encourage him to keep talking with you and Carlisle. Thanks for being there for him."

"Anytime sweetheart. I'm just glad that Carlisle has found someone he can hang out with. Him and your dad get along so well. He had friends in Alaska but no one like your dad. He's a special man Bella. He loves you so much and is such a caring person. He has made up feel so welcomed since we moved."

"Thanks for the talk." I couldn't help but feel that Esme and I would become very close in the future.

"No thank you. I have a feeling you're going to be a very positive influence on both my children. Just keep in mind that Edward is a good hearted person. He didn't deserve the things that happened to him, just like you didn't deserve what you went through. Two greatly different situations, but the end result was the same. Two incredible young people got hurt and their lives will never be the same."

I could feel the maternal love pouring off of her. She truly was a wonderful person. I couldn't help myself. I walked over and gave her a big hug. We were interrupted when Edward walked into the kitchen.

"Wow, looks like I missed something important."

"Nope, just some girl talk." Esme responded and winked at me.

"Yeah, we were debating who has the better looking ass in pirate gear...Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. But then we realized there is no comparison....Johnny Depp all the way."

This made Esme laugh and Edward scowl.

"Well sweetie, you could always go buy a pirate costume and see if you'd make the running. Although, as your mother, I don't think I'd feel too comfortable judging that competition."

It was my turn to laugh. Edward huffed and stomped out of the kitchen. Esme and I followed him into the living room laughing just as Jake and Alice were coming back from the grocery store...loaded down with bags.

"Get everything?"

"Yeah, Aunt Sue wanted me to grab a couple more packs of hotdogs and buns for her. We also picked up some burgers, chips, and drinks. And Bella...I hope you don't mind, but I bought stuff for you to fix some desserts to take." He gave me his big grin.

"Fine Jake, what am I making?"

"Well...cowboy cookies and another Hershey bar cake."

"Jake...it's already 10:00. We are supposed to spend the afternoon on the beach."

"I know, but I'll help you, I promise."

He gave me the puppy dog eyes. The ones I can never say no to.

"You bet your ass you're going to help, but I need to get started...like now. Esme, can I steal your kitchen again?"

"Sure dear. Mind if I help?"

"Not at all, the more the merrier."

"I'll help too." Edward volunteered.

"Okay, well now that the kitchen crew is taken care of, the rest of us need to get blankets and chairs together. We also have a beach volleyball kit that we can pack up." Alice was directing the troops.

By 11:30 I had all but one batch of cookies made, the cakes were baked and cooling, and the icing was in the refrigerator. Esme insisted that we all head to the beach. She assured me that she would put the last batch in the oven, ice the cake, and bring it all with her when her and Carlisle came down later in the day.

I called my dad to tell him I was heading to La Push and to double check that he was still planning on coming down. He sounded tired but assured me he would be there. I wish that he hadn't had to work the entire time I was in Forks, but I understood his dedication to the job. Plus he promised to come visit me in Seattle sometime soon. I thought about calling my mom and asking if I could spend Thanksgiving with my dad this year. I was supposed to go see her, but I'm sure she would let me make the decision.

Truth be told, I was very hesitant to go back to Phoenix. I was scared of what would happen to my mental well being if I went back. I had made a lot of progress over the past few months, the most coming since I moved to Seattle. I wanted to talk to Dr. Kym about this and see if she agreed. I knew my mom wouldn't fight me if coming back to Phoenix would set me back in my recovery.

"Bella, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah Jake. I can't wait to see the beach. It's been so long since we've been there. I bet Aunt Sue is anxious to see you."

"You too Bells. She actually asked about you before anything else. Hey, I talked to my dad today too, and between us...I think he is thinking about moving back to La Push."

"Really!!! What brought that on?"

"Well for one, he doesn't like being away from me and you. He thinks of you as his daughter and he misses both of us. Plus, I think he misses the reservation. Apparently he's been talking to Aunt Sue and she's been trying to convince him to come back for a while. She wants him to claim his rightful place on the council. You know, he should be the tribes Chief but he forfeited that when he left after my mom died. I think he needed to get away to grieve her. I think he just got comfortable and then didn't want to uproot my life."

"I think it's time he came home Jake. I know my dad would be thrilled."

"He's going to come up for Thanksgiving and visit everyone and see if he can find a job and somewhere to live. Bells, I hope he does move up here. I've been worried about him. But enough of that. Let's get going."

Alice came around the corner then with a handful of beach towels.

"You two ready to go?"

"Yep. Need any help?"

"Nope, we've got it all loaded up. We're gonna need to take three cars down though. Most of the stuff is in the jeep. I'm driving my car and Edward said he'd drive as well. We need some girl talk, so I'm making a command decision...Jasper and Jake are going to ride with Edward and you and Angela are going to ride with me."

"Whatever you say short stuff." Jake responded.

Ten minutes later we were caravanning towards La Push.

Alice immediately started with the questions, but surprisingly they weren't directed at me but rather to Angela.

"So what's up with you and Jake? You two seemed cozy last night in the back yard."

"We are just getting to know each other. Neither of us want to rush into a relationship. But he is a great guy."

"Yes he is Ang. Just give him a chance. He hasn't had the best of luck when it comes to relationships. Most girls are scared off by how close me and him are." I stated.

"That's a lot of what we talked about last night. He made it clear that you and he were just friends but very close and that he wasn't willing to change his relationship with you in order to have a relationship with any girl."

"Oh Ang, I'm sorry. He can be so blunt some times. I'll talk to him. He worries about me too much. I need to find a way to stop depending on him so much. I don't want to be the cause of him not pursing a relationship with you, or anyone for that matter."

"Bella, you listen to me right now. You WILL NOT say any such thing to Jake. He cares about you and you care about him. I know that you two are extremely close, closer than most friends, but I'm okay with that. I've told you before and I'll say it again, I'm not at all put off by with the connection you two share. He was there for you during a very difficult time in your life. He is loyal, compassionate, kind hearted, wise beyond his years. It makes me want to know him even more. And I told him as much last night. So please, don't change. It would destroy Jake if he thought you didn't need him anymore. He needs you just as much as you need him." She was dead serious.

"You are one of a kind Angela. You are the first girl that has been interested in Jake that hasn't had an issue with me. Most assume that we are in a relationship or at least have been at one time."

"Well you're my friend too Bella, and I'm secure enough with myself not to be jealous of you. Even if the two of you were ever in a relationship together, you aren't now, so I have no reason to see you as a threat." She said sincerely, not in a bitchy way at all. This let me know that she really did understand me and Jake.

Alice gave me the look and I remembered that I hadn't told her about me and Jake yet.

"Okay Alice, I know that look. Yes me and Jake tried the dating thing one time...it didn't last long at all...a week tops. We were both tired of not being in a 'couple' but there weren't any people that we were interested in. So one night we decided to just 'couple' with one another. Nothing really changed from how we usually were. I finally brought that point to Jake's attention. I'll be the first to admit that I had feelings for Jake but I wasn't sure if I was confusing my love for him as a friend for feelings that were more romantic. That question quickly got answered when we kissed.

"It freaked us both out. As soon as we broke apart we knew that it would never be that way for us. We were both a little sad about it because it would have made things so much easier but we knew in that instance that we could never be anything more than friends. That was the first and only time we have kissed. So there was no grand love affair or even a relationship for that matter. We both laughed the kiss off and I learned once and for all that my feelings for Jake were those of pure friendship. To be honest, it strengthened our friendship. Knowing that neither saw the other in that way made it even easier to be totally honest about everything."

Angela smiled.

"I'll admit that we flirt a lot, but it's only because we are extremely comfortable with one another and we know it will never lead to anything. Jake really hams it up when we are in a situation that is potentially uncomfortable for me. It's almost like an icebreaker."

"Well I for one can tell you it works." Alice smiled and proceeded to tell Angela about the first time she met Jake, the day we moved in. We were all laughing at Jake's antics when Alice suddenly turned on me.

"Okay Miss Swan, care to tell me what happened with my brother yesterday?"

"Honestly Alice, nothing happened. We talked. We played the piano and that's about it. We both apologized and agreed to continuing working on being friends. I know there is stuff he isn't telling me just as I'm sure he knows there is stuff I'm not telling him, but neither of us are going to push the other. It will happen when it's meant to."

"Well I'm glad you were able to have a calm conversation. I was a little worried how he'd act after the way he blew up at me. But what about last night. You two looked so...I don't know...together?"

"You really did Bella. I thought it was sweet." Angela said as she smiled at me.

"I think you both are trying to read too much into things."

"Hand holding and staring into each other's eyes while laying under the stars...I don't think I'm reading enough into the situation." Alice eyed me knowingly.

"What do you want me to say Alice. The hand holding was an accident."

"How is holding hands an accident?"

"Well he was trying to point out a constellation to me and I couldn't find it, so he grabbed my hand and used my fingers to point it out so I'd have a better line of sight on it. I guess we just never let go of each other's hand. Purely innocent."

"But you didn't pull away. I saw the way you two were looking at each other."

"Alice, I'll admit, it felt good to have contact with someone and I'm a little freaked out about it. He's the first male, other than Jake, that I have felt completely comfortable around since Phoenix. It even took me a while to get used to Em. It made me think that maybe one day I will be able to have a relationship with a guy. But I'm not ready for that yet. I still have a lot of shit to figure out. I'm sure Edward was just putting up with me at any rate."

"I wouldn't be so sure. I haven't seen Edward act like that around a girl since before Jessica. But for both of your sakes, I'll leave it alone. Let's not think about that today and just focus on having fun."

"I agree."

By this time we were pulling up to Aunt Sue's house. She was standing on the porch waiting for us.

"Jacob, Bella. I'm so glad to see you both. It's been too long." She enveloped us both in a bone crushing hug.

"Hey Aunt Sue" we chimed in together.

Jake proceeded to introduce everyone and we carried the food into the house. We visited for a little while before we decided to make our way down to the beach. Once there, the guys set up the volleyball net while the girls set up the blankets and chairs. It was a surprisingly warm day for the Olympic Peninsula so we were able to strip down to our bathing suits.

I still don't know how Alice convinced me to get a two piece. I was very self conscious about my body, especially since I bore the scars of a gunshot wound, broken bones, and multiple lacerations due to glass embedded into my skin. Most of these scars were so faint that unless you were looking for them, you'd never see them. But the scar on my abdomen and the one on my leg were definitely noticeable. I chose to keep my bathing suit wrap on for the time being. I wasn't ready to expose that much of myself.

Alice, Angela, and Rosalie looked amazing in their swim suits. I wish I had that much confidence in my body. Alice noticed that I hadn't removed my wrap and came over to me.

"What's wrong Bella...not going to show off that killer body?"

"Alice, I'm just not comfortable."

"Oh stop it, your body is amazing."

"It's not that...well it is. I told you what happened, but I've never showed you the results. I have a really bad scar from the gunshot and there is one on my leg as well. I'm not ready to deal with that yet. I'm so sorry."

"Oh sweetie, I'm a complete idiot. I never even thought about that."

"It's okay. I just don't want to have to explain to Edward yet and can't handle the staring I know it will bring."

"No problem. Just be comfortable and have fun."

I looked over her shoulder and my mouth hit the ground. Damn the guys looked good. Jake was tall and muscled, I always knew this but I couldn't deny that he looked hot. Emmett, well he just looked like a body builder. Jasper was tall and built like a soccer player. But what really took my breath away was Edward. I had no idea that he was that toned. Where did he find the time to work out between school, music, and volunteering. Alice caught me staring.

"See something you like?" she laughed.

"Ummm...ummm..." great I can't even form words let alone a coherent sentence.

"Earth to Bella...."

"Well sure, don't you. I mean, there are four incredible hot guys standing over there in nothing but their board shorts."

"You're right, even I can't deny that. Come on, lets get back over there before they come to find us."

As we were approaching the group it was Emmett that called me out.

"Bella, are you gonna deny us the chance to see that sexy body of yours?"

Damn him. I had no clue what to say. Luckily Alice had already made her way over to Rose and I saw her whispering in Rose's ear.

Before I could react, Rose extended her hand and smacked him in the back of the head.

"I think she looks great just the way she is Em. Now leave her alone or you won't get any for a week."

"Oh come on Rosie."

"EMMETT!!!"

He backed off quickly and I mouthed 'thank you' to Rose. She walked over and pulled me into a hug.

"Don't worry Bella. I won't let them make you feel uncomfortable. But you can't hide forever. I can't imagine this is easy, but it's just one more obstacle that you need to overcome. Just know that we are all your friends and no matter what, we will never see you any differently."

I was on the verge of tears when Jake walked over.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah Jake, I'm good. Just dealing with 'body image' issues." He knew exactly what I meant.

"Honey, the scars aren't as bad as you think they are. But I'm not going to force you into anything."

"Let's just go have some fun. I feel like trying my hand at volleyball."

"Wow, you must really be looking for a distraction."

"Shut it Jake and lets just go play."

Jasper and Edward were already bumping the ball back and forth.

"Who wants to play?" Edward asked.

Surprisingly everyone was up for it. We didn't think girls against guys would be fair, the guys would have way too much height advantage over the girls.

"Well I'm not playing on the same team as Emmett. It's more fun if we make it a competition."

"How about this, we break the couples up." Alice suggested.

I noticed that neither Jake nor Angela said anything, just smiled at each other. Of course neither Edward nor I said anything either.

"Okay, well then here are the teams. Rose, Jasper, Angela and Edward will be on one team so that leaves Emmett, Jake, Bella, and me on the other."

"I have a confession to make...I'm really bad at sports" I fessed up.

"Don't worry, it's only for fun." Edward reassured me.

I was able to avoiding falling down, running into anyone, or hitting anyone with the ball for the first fifteen minutes. But I should have known that wouldn't last.

"Bella, you're serve." Jake said as he passed me the ball.

Great. Here's goes nothing. I threw the ball in the air, brought my hand up to make contact, and hit the ball right into the back of Emmett's head.

"Damn Bella, you've got some power." At least he was laughing.

"Sorry bout that. Let me try again."

This time I made contact with the ball and shockingly, it went over the net. It dropped between Angela and Edward, so it was my turn to serve again.

I managed to get through my round of serves without further incident. The game continued and I was actually having fun. On the next rotation, I was standing across the net from Edward.

"I thought you said you weren't any good at sports." He stated.

"I'm usually not, guess I'm just having a lucky day." I smiled.

Emmett served the ball and it went straight for Edward. He bumped the ball back over the net. Alice set the ball and I decided to try something that I've never done before...well I've tried it but it has never worked. I jumped up to spike the ball. Edward jumped up at the same time to block my spike. I managed to spike the ball but lost my balance when I landed on the ground. This caused Edward to lose his concentration and he lunged out to catch me. We both ended up rolling around in the sand laughing.

"Well looks like you won that point." He said laughing.

"Who knew my clumsiness would actually come in handy."

He stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and started to stand up but his foot was caught in my cover up causing it to come undone. He glanced down and I heard his breath catch. I knew instantly what he saw.

"Bella, what happened?"

"Please Edward...don't, not now." I looked at him with pleading eyes.

He didn't say anything, but nodded and reached down to grab my wrap. I didn't think anyone else had noticed our exchange, but I wasn't that lucky. All eyes were on us...well me actually. I knew they had seen it too. I was starting to tear up but Alice saved me.

"Okay, water break."

Everyone walked back to the chairs and blankets and got drinks.

"I'm hungry."

"Jake, you're always hungry."

"I'm hungry too."

"I am so glad I don't have to pay your grocery bill. Are you sure you two are gonna be able to handle rooming together."

"Sure, me and J are gonna be besties." Emmett was so serious.

We all laughed. Thankfully the incident at the volleyball net was forgotten.

Esme and Carlisle showed up shortly after, bringing more food and drinks with them. It wasn't too much longer before Aunt Sue showed up followed by what seemed like the entire tribe.

It was so good to see our friends. It had been way too long. Jake and I usually tried to come here for a week or so during the summers but it had been a few years. Quil and Embry were ecstatic to see us. They grabbed me up in hugs and slapped Jake on the back.

After introductions were made, we all decided to walk to the tidal pools. I always loved visiting them, even if I had taken one too many falls into them over the years. Edward and I walked together and he started asking questions.

"How are the lessons with Dr. Smithwick going?"

"Great actually. During our last session, she asked if I would be okay if she had my advisor switched."

"Really, who is she transferring you to?"

"She wants to be my advisor. She even invited me over for dinner when I come back from the break."

"Wow, she must really like you. That's amazing."

"Well she's pretty amazing. She has accomplished so much in her life. I'm honored that she has taken such an interest in me. I just hope I don't disappoint. I'm learning so much from her already."

"How about the drumming lessons with Felix?"

"I've only had one, but I think he will be able to teach me a lot as well. He's a lot of fun to be around and him and Em hit it off immediately. Em is like my big brother. So it's going to be fun sharing something with him. He actually picked up on drumming pretty quickly."

"That's great. It seems like you have really made quite a few friends in the short time you've been here."

"I have, haven't I. It's strange though, back in Phoenix, I didn't have that many friends. Just Jake, Katie, and Elizabeth." As soon as I said her name I started to get that panicky feeling but I quickly sucked it up. I didn't need Edward to ask more questions, but could I ever be that lucky.

"Do you keep in touch with Katie and Elizabeth?"

"I talk to Katie periodically. Not as much as I should though." I purposefully didn't mention Elizabeth.

"What about Elizabeth?" He just wouldn't let it go.

"Umm..." I couldn't bring myself to answer, instead the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"Bella, what's wrong? What did I say?" He was genuinely concerned.

"You didn't say anything wrong Edward. It's just hard for me to talk about her. She passed away our senior year of high school." I whispered.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Please forgive me."

"Really, Edward. It's okay. There was no way for you to know."

He quickly changed the subject.

"Is your dad coming down tonight?"

"Yep, I called him this morning and he promised that he would be here."

"You and your dad seem very close. It's nice to see that."

"Yeah, we are. We've grown a lot closer over the past two years. That's a big reason I decided to move to Seattle. I wanted to be closer to him. I really have no desire to go back to Phoenix or even be close to there. I'm hoping that my mom will let me stay here for the holidays this year and maybe even for summer." I couldn't believe I was divulging all this information to him.

"Okay, it's your turn to ask some questions. I asked two so I'll give you three."

"How did you end up in Seattle? I mean, that's a long trek from Alaska."

"Such a simple question...requiring a lot of information...I actually attended a summer program at the University the summer before my senior year. I've always wanted to be pre-med and they were having an awesome summer program for upcoming seniors who wanted to pursue medicine. Carlisle knew someone involved with the program and made arrangements for me to attend. I really liked the area and the summer program was very informative. I learned a lot about their pre-med program that summer. It intrigued me. I ummm also met someone while in attendance. We exchanged contact information and ended up keeping in touch the whole of our senior year. We formed a great friendship, even if it was long distance. When she made her finally decision to attend the University of Washington, I decided that I wanted to attend as well."

"Jessica?"

"Yeah, I don't regret enrolling here, I just wish it were for a different reason. As much as I like to tell myself that it was strictly because of the great pre-med program the University offers, if I'm honest with myself, it was mostly because she was going to be here. You know I was in a relationship while in Alaska. I never cheated, but we both knew that after we graduated, it wasn't going anywhere. I told her all about Jessica and she was happy for me. Our relationship was really one of just convenience. Jessica and I both decided to attend the summer program that was offered to incoming freshman and it was then that we actually started our relationship. We spent our entire senior year getting to know each other through phone calls and emails so we didn't have to waste time getting to know one another. That's a mistake I'll never make again.

"She was so different in her phone calls and emails than she was in person, but it took me a while to figure it out. I had already been in Seattle for over a month when Alice moved down. I was so excited to introduce my best friend and sister to my girlfriend. That excitement was short lived. Alice hated her immediately. I felt terrible about it because I had already convinced her to room with Jessica. I should have known the instant Alice told me she didn't like or trust Jessica that something was wrong. Alice has a knack for reading people. But I thought I was in love so I ignored her. That was the biggest mistake of my young life."

I was stunned. He had given me so much information on Jessica but I knew there was more...a lot more.

"Wow Edward, I'm so sorry. I think that makes up for the three questions you were going to let me ask."

"I've never actually talked to anyone but Alice and my parents about this...well and Dr. Kym." I heard him mumble.

I was shocked by this. He and I had the same therapist. Whatever happened to him really screwed him up. We really do have a lot in common. I decided to not respond to that. If I did, I'd have to confess that I also know who Dr. Kym is, and I wasn't ready for that.

"Well I'm a great listener. Anytime you want to talk, just find me."

"I feel very comfortable talking to you Bella." He smiled.

"Well I'm glad. Okay enough of this deep shit, let's enjoy the natural beauty of this place."

By this time we had made it to the tidal pools. We spent about an hour watching the marine life before starting back. I started the next round of questions on our way back to the beach.

"What's your favorite food?"

"Well up until last night I would have said my mom's french toast but I think your lasagna has taken first place. You get one more question, then it's my turn." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Of course I blushed.

"Favorite TV show?"

"Scrubs...it's my guilty pleasure."

I laughed.

"That's mine too. I sometimes feel like JD with all the internal monologues I find myself in."

"Me too!!! Looks like we have something else in common. Okay, my turn. What's the most adventurous activity you've ever participated in?"

Okay, well I knew the answer but I wasn't sure if I wanted to admit it to Edward. Just thinking about it made me blush.

"Oh it must be good if you are blushing just thinking about it."

"Fine...I've taken pole dancing classes." I blurted out.

"Ex..Excuse me?" He stuttered.

"You heard me. I've always been really clumsy. My mom was forever trying out new activities, especially the ones that claimed to help you stay in shape. She wanted to take the class and drug me to it with the guarantee that it would help my balance issues. Surprisingly, she was right. I learned how to walk in heels and learned where my center of balance was."

"So you know how to work a pole...a stripper pole?" I couldn't decipher the look on his face.

"Well I guess so. I mean I took the class for six months. By that time, my mom had grown out of it and went on to the next fad. Please don't tell anyone."

"No worries, it will be our secret." He gave me that crooked grin.

"What's your favorite stress relieving activity?" I asked and then instantly regretted it. Most guys always answer that question with 'sex' but for some reason I didn't want to hear that from Edward.

"Well playing the piano, but that's too obvious. I love to snow ski. We usually spend our Thanksgiving break at a ski resort."

"I'd break my leg for sure if I ever attempted to ski."

"You just need to have a proper teacher. Maybe you can tag along with the family sometime." He smiled.

"If I did, I think I'd find a way to stay indoors and read." I laughed.

"Well I'll have to see what I can do about that." There goes that panty wetting smirk...what, where did that come from...panty wetting. Virgin Bella does not think about things like that....well I never have before.

By the time we reached the beach, my dad was already there and he and Carlisle were helping prepare the food.

"Hey dad!!!" I shouted as I ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck.

"I see you managed not to fall into the tidal pools this time. This must be some sort of record."

"Ha, ha, very funny." I wasn't going to tell him that Edward had to catch me a few times. I shot him a warning look and he kept his mouth shut. Good boy. He learns quickly.

"So dad, I need to steal you way for a little while tonight. I wanted to talk to you about some things."

"Sounds good baby girl. We can take a walk after we eat."

And eat we did. Between the guys from the reservation and our crew, there wasn't a crumb of food left. Everyone loved the cookies and cake I made. Jake helped start the bonfire and our group was amazed at the blue flames it produced. Jake explained that it was the salt in the driftwood that caused the flames to be blue.

It was starting to cool off so I pulled on some sweats and a hoodie that I packed.

"Let's take a walk baby girl."

I laced my arms through my dads and we head off down the beach.

"What's up kiddo?"

"Well first of all I wanted to apologize."

"What do you have to apologize for?"

"I never realized that you carried the events of Phoenix around in silence. I talked to Esme this morning and I figured out that you told her and Carlisle what happened and before you say anything, I'm not mad dad. I'm glad you found someone you could talk to about it. I want you to keep talking to them. They are special people."

"I'm sorry sweetie. I really didn't mean to betray your trust. It just came out in the course of our conversation."

"Really dad, it's okay. I'm honestly not upset about it. I've actually already told Alice and the gang about it. Well not Edward. But that's another story. And no I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay sweetie, but what else did you want to talk about?"

"Well, and this is only if both you and mom agree. I don't think I'm ready to go back to Phoenix dad. I've made some pretty amazing progress since I moved and I don't want to risk setting myself back. I was hoping that I could spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with you. And if it's okay with you, maybe mom and Phil could come up for Christmas."

"Bella, I think that is wonderful!!! And of course they can come up." He smiled.

"That's not all dad. I was wondering if you would like to have a roommate next summer? I really feel like my life is here now, not Phoenix. I don't know how I'll approach mom about it. I was hoping that I could get Dr. Kym on my side and then maybe she'd help me figure out how to bring it up to mom."

"Sweetheart, I think your mom will be more understanding than you think. Her and Phil are welcome here anytime they want to come up. As much as I would love for you to live with me over the summer, don't make any rushed decisions right now. Thanksgiving and Christmas are different though. See how you feel towards the end of the school year before making the decision to move here this summer. Please don't take that to mean I don't want you here, because I do. I just want you to be sure."

"Thanks dad. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. Always have, always will."

We made our way back to the group and they were all sitting around the bonfire getting ready to fix smores.

"Bella, get your cute little butt over here so we can munch out on some chocolate and melted marshmallows" Rose called out.

"You better go sweetie before she gets all ninja on you." My dad laughed. I think he really liked my friends.

I made my over to Rose who was sitting between Edward and Emmett. Edward slid over to make room for me.

"Here, I already fixed your marshmallows to roast. Hope you don't mind."

"Thanks Edward. That was sweet of you."

'Hey Bella, I bet I can eat more marshmallows than you." Emmett yelled out to me.

And for some reason...I took the bet.

"You're on brother bear." Everybody looked on in shock.

Thirty minutes later...Emmett conceded defeat. I managed to put down two bags of marshmallows and he couldn't make it past one and a half bags. Of course I felt like shit but hey, I beat brother bear at something and he would never live it down.

"Oh my god Em, you let hundred pound Bella beat you at an eating game. That is priceless. Has to be the funniest thing I've ever seen." Rose goaded him while clutching her side laughing.

"You are a pansy man. Wow, I can't believe she put you down. Bella, I'm proud of you. Great job." Jake laughed.

"My baby girl took down the big man. Wait till I tell the guys at the station. Officer Emmett, I think I'm going to have to take your badge from you son. I can't have a deputy on my force who can't handle his food." Yep, Charlie really liked Em.

I hadn't opened my mouth to say anything in fear that I'd vomit all over the place. I think Edward noticed.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked, his voice full of concern.

I just nodded my head and gestured for a drink. He went over to the cooler and brought me back a ginger ale. He opened it and passed it to me. I mouthed a quick 'thank you' to him before downing it. It actually helped to settle my stomach enough to rib Em.

"Up for a rematch brother bear?" I smirked at him

He gave me the finger causing everyone to laugh.

Once I was able to move, the gang decided to take a walk on the beach. The sunset was beautiful. Jake and I shared stories about growing up together and spending summers here.

After another hour, we decided to pack up and head back to Forks. There were no classes tomorrow but we were planning to head out by mid morning. I hugged Aunt Sue and thanked her for inviting us down. She told us we were welcome to visit anytime. She also asked me and Jake to work on Billy. She wanted him to move back just as bad as Jake did. Dad gave me a big hug and assured me he'd come by the Cullen's in the morning before we left.

I ended up riding back with Edward, but fell asleep before we were out of the boundaries of La Push. The last thing I remember is being put in Alice's bed. That night I dreamed that Edward and I were walking along the beach hand in hand. It was a good dream.

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. If you did and even if you didn't, please let me know. I love reading all your reviews. I'm not above begging for reviews. Reviews make me write great stuff happening between Edward and Bella...hey, I'm not above bribing either. :)**


	23. Chapter 23: Getting to Know You

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has added me to their alerts and favorites. Thanks for the reviews too. I love getting them. They make me happy!!!!**

**Chapter 23: Getting to Know You**

**BPOV**

The smell of a delicious breakfast brought me out of a wonderful dream. Well at least I think most of it was wonderful. All I really remember was that Edward was in it and I was happy, truly happy. I glanced at the clock and realized it was getting late and we would soon be heading back to Seattle. I was surprised how quickly the weekend had flown by. I had really enjoyed my time here and was looking forward to the prospect of spending the summer here...I wonder if Alice and Edward would be moving home for the summer?

"Bella, are you up yet?"

Alice peeked her head in the door and gave me a bright smile when she saw me sitting up in bed.

"Good, you're awake. Come on downstairs and have some breakfast before Emmett and Jake eat it all."

"We heard that." Jake and Em sang in harmony. They really were going to be great roommates.

"Sure thing Alice. I'll be down in just a minute. I need to take a detour to the bathroom first."

Five minutes later I was sitting at the table with the rest of the family...family? Yes I felt like this was my family. There was a knock at the front door and I heard Carlisle welcome my dad.

"Just in time for breakfast Chief." Esme smiled at him.

"Hey baby girl. Did you have a good weekend?"

"Yeah dad I did."

He leaned down to hug me and I kissed him on the cheek. I leaned into his shoulder and whispered.

"Made me realize how much I want to spend the summer here with you dad. I know you told me to really think about it, but there really isn't any thing left to consider."

His smile let me know that he was okay with that.

He sat down at the table and grabbed a plate. True to Alice's prediction, we were lucky to get any food. Jake and Em had their plates piled high. I was staring at Em's plate when he looked up and caught me.

"What....I have to keep up my strength. Rosie here wears me out."

3..2..1.. SMACK!!!! When will Emmett ever learn. I was about to say something but my dad beat me to it.

"Son, are you ever going to learn? I'm pretty positive there is a perfect mold of Rosalie's hand in the back of our head." He was smiling and laughing at Emmett and the rest of us joined in.

After breakfast, Esme shooed us out of the kitchen and told us to shower and pack. My dad had to get to work so we said our goodbyes and he told me he'd try to come visit me soon.

An hour later, thanks to multiple showers in the house, we were all downstairs and ready to load up the cars. I felt bad that Edward would have to ride back by himself so I pulled Alice off to the side.

"Alice, do you think Edward would mind if I tagged along with him today? I hate to think he'd have to ride back alone."

She smiled at me.

"No Bella, I don't think he'd mind at all." And there goes that all knowing smile she likes to throw my way.

I was about to ask Edward if I could ride with him, but he beat me to it.

"Hey Bella, do you want to ride with me? We can continue our game of twenty questions."

"I'd like that Edward. Let me grab my iPod from my bag before you put it in the trunk."

After giving Esme and Carlisle hugs and kisses we piled into the vehicles and pulled out of the drive way.

"I usually don't let anyone play with the music in my car, but I'll make an exception for you. I heard Emmett talking about your vast selection of music and now I'm intrigued." Damn that crooked smile.

So I connected my iPod and put it on shuffle. Of course, with the luck I have, I was utterly embarrassed by the first song that played.

"You have got to be kidding me...is this for real...I thought Em said you had great taste in music." Edward looked appalled.

"Hey, no ripping on NKOTB. They were my first loves."

"NKOTB??? So that's what they are calling themselves these days. Are they even still around?"

"New Kids on the Block were awesome in their day...and yes, they are still around. They are the real reason I never had boyfriends...they ruined me." I gave him a stern look.

That only made him laugh.

"Bella, you truly surprise me. But now I am curious...why do you have New Kids on your iPod."

Of course he had no idea that such a simple question would be so difficult for me to answer. But I figured now is as good a time as any to tell him...some things at any rate.

"I made that play list to help me remember the good times I had with Katie and Elizabeth growing up. We loved to jump around my room and listen to them. We didn't discover them until years after they were popular but we loved them all the same. Whenever we would have sleepovers, we would always play 'Hangin Tough' to get things started. We knew it was silly but it was just something we did. Drove Jake nuts, but we even caught him singing along at times." I laughed at the memories.

"So Jake attended your sleepovers?" He asked but there was something in his voice I couldn't quite place.

"Yes. We were a group. We hardly ever did anything without each other. Jake treated me, Katie, and Elizabeth like we were his little sisters, even though we were older than he was. He may seem like a slacker and he may cut up a lot, but he was the mature one of our group. He had to grow up fast...too fast. Whenever us girls would want to go do anything, the first thing all of our parents wanted to know was if Jake was going with us. They truly believed that he would keep us safe...and he did."

"You love him, don't you?"

"Yes I do. Very much. Jake is my friend, my family, my best friend soul mate...if there is such a thing. Like I told you before, we have always and will always only be friends. Even when we attempted the dating thing, we both knew it wasn't going to work out. The one kiss we shared only solidified that. It will never be like that for us. He will always be a big part of my life. I will never give him up for anybody or any reason. He was there for me during the worst time of my life. He never left my side. Hell, he still never leaves my side. He threw out all his plans for college just to come here to be with me." Thinking of how much Jake had done for me always left me feeling happy but sad.

Almost as if he could read my mind Edward spoke.

"Bella, you are very lucky to have Jake in your life. But stop feeling sad about the choices he made. I haven't known him long at all, but I can tell that he wouldn't do anything that he didn't want to do. He is here because he wants to be here."

I only nodded, still not able to shake the sadness away.

"Was he as close to Katie and Elizabeth?"

"Mostly, but me and Jake have known each other longer, our whole lives practically. We weren't very close until he moved to Phoenix but I knew him from the time I spent in La Push when I was a small child. Our dads were best friends. Jake was always there to take care of us girls. He's good at that. After his mom dad, his dad moved away from La Push and Jake pretty much was Billy's support system...still is his support system. Jake grew up quickly."

"Bella, I want to ask you something but please don't feel like you have to answer. You seem so sad when you talk about Katie and Elizabeth. Will you tell me a little about them. They were obviously very important to you."

I could do this. Talking about them was painful but at the same time cathartic.

"Well I met them the day I attended my first piano lesson. It was also their first day so we bonded over our nervousness. We were only five at the time. We made our parents exchange phone numbers that very first day and that weekend, was our very first sleepover. Jake wasn't at that one. He didn't become friends with them until a year later. Our co-ed sleepovers didn't start happening until we were around ten, but he hung out with us all the time."

"It didn't take our piano teacher long to figure out that the three of us were musically gifted. She started working with us more and at times she gave us free lessons. She even introduced the idea of learning more than just the piano. I chose to learn the clarinet, Katie picked up the flute, and Elizabeth decided to try out the harp. They decided that although they loved the piano, they wanted to focus on their other instrument more. They never gave up piano though. I was just a very focused child and decided I wanted to excel at both, equally."

"It wasn't long before we started playing as a trio, in all sorts of combinations. Our very first trio performance happened at the end of our first year of piano lessons. We were still five at the time. We decided to perform our recital piece together. Instead of playing on three separate pianos, we all played on the same one. We sat two piano benches side by side and went at it. It wasn't the prettiest piece of music but the audience loved it. As time went on, we started exploring how to mix the piano, harp, flute, and clarinet together. We would each take turns on the piano, but more times than not, when we were paid to play as a trio, I played the piano. Elizabeth was an amazing harpist. And Katie owned the flute. By the time we were in high school, we were invited to play at weddings, political events, and we even got asked to play the National Anthem at one of the Diamondback games."

"Wow. I have to ask, how did the Diamondbacks know about you?"

"Oh, sorry, I forgot you didn't know. My step father, Phil, is involved in baseball. He spent a lot of time training their minor league teams. He had contacts. He was recently promoted and is now one of the Diamondbacks trainers."

"That's pretty cool. Do you go to a lot of games?"

"Not really. My mom would guilt me into them at times but I haven't been to a game since the fall of my senior year." I could sense he was going to ask why, so I kept talking.

"But if you'd like to go to a game, I'm sure Phil could get us some tickets to see the Mariners sometime. I've thought about surprising the group with tickets anyhow."

"That would be awesome Bella. I guess I don't take enough time to just have fun. I think I need to do that more often."

I was relieved. It seemed I had done a great job of steering him away from the topic I didn't want to discuss.

"So it sounds like the three of you were really great together."

No such luck for me today.

"Yeah we were. Not just musically either. We were really close friends. I miss them terribly. I have immense guilt over Elizabeth's death as well as what happened to Katie."

Shit, I can't believe I just said that. I am not ready to talk about this.

"Why Bella?"

I took a deep breath.

"They skipped their spring break during their senior year to help me out with my audition for the music scholarship. The committee allowed me to perform in a trio on some of my pieces. It was over that spring break that all of our lives changed. We were all involved in a pretty terrible situation and the end results were Elizabeth dying, Katie being paralyzed, and well..." I couldn't finish it.

"Is that where your scar came from?"

"Yeah, it is and I pass on the other questions." I sighed as the tears trailed down my face.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to pry. Please forgive me."

"Really Edward, it's okay. I need to learn to deal with this."

"Well I'm here if you ever need to talk."

"Thanks."

He smiled and launched into more questions.

"Favorite season?" I was thankful that he was switching topics.

"I have a hard time deciding. I like different aspects of each season."

"Care to share?"

"Let's see. I'll start with Spring. I love the smell of all the new flowers blooming and the grass coming to life. One of my favorite things to do during that time of year is to lay out a blanket in the middle of my backyard and read. It's not too hot and not too cold. There is new life surrounding you. The gentle sun and a light breeze always relax me."

"Summer use to mean spending time with my dad and visiting La Push. I also went to the lake a lot. I don't tan in the sun, only burn but it was still nice to absorb the warmth of the sun. Summer smells like sunscreen to me. I know it's stupid but I had to wear it all the time. I always picked ones that smelled like coconuts. I spent a lot of time at band camps during the summer and of course Katie, Elizabeth, Jake, and I spent all our free time together. Ice cream taste so much better in the summer."

"I love Fall because like Spring, it's a good time to relax outside. Things are slowing down from Summer. Instead of things coming to life, Fall is a season of changing. Whereas Spring smells sweet to me. Fall smells like cinnamon and apple pie. I know it's weird but that's the way it makes me feel...warm. Plus Fall is the start of the holidays. I love to cook so Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days of the year."

"Winter means Christmas is around the corner. I love the atmosphere that surrounds Christmas. I could care less about presents for myself. I love the feeling of happiness and joy in the air. I enjoy finding the perfect gifts for my loved ones. Winter smells like sugar cookies, apples cider, and hot chocolate. I love to bake and that gives me the perfect excuse. I love to wrap up in a warm blanket in front of a fire place and read. Christmas songs are my favorite music."

Edward didn't say anything for a few minutes after I stopped speaking and I was starting to get embarrassed. I took a deep breath before speaking.

"Edward, are you okay?"

He looked at me and what I saw in his eyes made me blush. He was gazing at me with such awe.

"I'm sorry Bella. I've just never heard anyone give that type of explanation. You just surprise me, in a very good way."

Of course I blushed.

"What about you? What's your favorite time of year?"

"Pass...no way am I going to try to follow that up."

"Oh come on...please?"

"Fine...I don't really know. We lived in Alaska for so long and the only season I really ever experienced was winter. And it rains all the time in Seattle. I will say that I enjoy the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas the most though. We always spend the holidays as a family and Esme and Carlisle always made sure that our time together was special. We always go snow skiing and travel. They have a lot of money and they like to spend it on us, but it's always more about spending time together. I've been very fortunate. They are able to provide for all our needs and wants but they are very much an active part of mine and Alice's lives."

"I really like your parents. I had a really nice talk with your mom. I'm kinda of jealous of you and Alice." I smiled.

He gave me a questioning look.

"Renee has always been a free spirited person. A lot of times I felt more like the parent as opposed to the daughter. I wasn't around Charlie as much, so I missed out on having my dad actively involved in my life. He was there as much as he could be but it wasn't the same. However, after...well after that spring break, both of my parents starting acting more like parents. I'm sure you've noticed how close Charlie and I are. Well it wasn't always like that. He was never an emotional person but all that changed. I love that he wears his heart on his now. I'm really hoping my mom doesn't freak out when I tell her I want to spend my holidays in Forks as well as summer."

"I know Alice would love that."

"Are you not planning on coming home for summer?"

"I wasn't, but I may just have to make a change of plans. Remember...I'm trying to live a little. I have a feeling I'd have a great summer with you and Alice."

There goes that blush again. Damn it. I'm going to have to get that under control if I'm going to be spending time with Edward.

"I must say Bella, I love that blush."

"Well I can't seem to control it when I'm around you." I confessed. He smiled even bigger.

"What made you decide to study medicine?"

"That is one of the easiest questions you've asked me to date. Carlisle. I've watched him from the day he and Esme brought me home and he is the most caring and compassionate person I know. He truly cares about people. It isn't about the money he makes or the status that being a doctor affords him, but it's about caring for people. While living in Alaska, it wasn't uncommon for him to make house calls to those that weren't able to come to him. There were many times that he'd provide his services for free and even pay for patients medicines if they couldn't afford them. Of course, he never told them that."

"Wow, he does sound like an amazing person."

"Like I've said before, I'm a very lucky person. Esme is just as good as Carlisle. She spent her free time volunteering at the hospital, shelters, food banks. You name it, she's been involved. She loves to help people just as much as my dad does. It rubbed off on Alice and I too. During high school, Alice and I were involved in after school programs. We mentored younger kids. I even taught piano lessons, free of charge. Alice spent a lot of time organizing donation drives for the under privileged. "

"I'm feeling grossly inadequate right now." I half way joked.

"Bella, we had the resources to be able to do things like that. I'm sure you aren't giving yourself any credit. Why don't you tell me about some things you did while in Phoenix."

"I spent a lot of time taking care of my mom and Billy. When we were seven, Katie, Elizabeth, and I were asked to play at a local nursing home. We had so much fun that we spent every winter break after that playing at not only nursing homes, but at the children's hospital as well. We did manage to pull together a donation drive for soldiers stationed in Iraq one Christmas, and due to the donations we received, we were able to send over 200 care packages over seas. Jake helped out with that. Katie and Elizabeth's mom still head that drive every holiday season. The four of us spent one summer volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. It didn't take me long to figure out that clumsiness and tools don't go well together. I fractured my wrist that summer. My music instructors gave me hell over that one."

"See, I told you so."

It was childish but I couldn't resist...I stuck my tongue out at him which caused him to full on belly laugh.

It was selfish on my part, but I had divulged information that was tough on me and I was very curious about Jessica. I sucked it up and just asked.

"Edward, I can tell this is difficult for you and I don't want you to feel like you have to talk about it...but will you tell me about Jessica?"

**EPOV**

Things were going so well with Bella. She truly was an amazing person. She was immensely talented, she could cook, she was intelligent, my family already loved her, and she was selfless, caring, compassionate, passionate, loving, and forgiving. Where did she come from?

My weekend had been wonderful, after my initial reaction that is. Not only had I gotten to know her better, but I finally was able to see why Alice adored the rest of the group. They were all wonderful. There was never a dull moment with this group. Case in point...the police station. Rosalie and Emmett had everyone in stitches.

Star gazing with Bella was an incredible experience. We had a shared interest in Astronomy and she even knew a lot about Astrology. We kept quizzing each other on constellations and the stories behind them as well as the different zodiac signs. Holding her hand felt so natural. I haven't had that kind of contact with someone since Jessica. I was scared to get close to someone again. I didn't think I could handle the hurt if I allowed myself to feel again, only to be betrayed once more. But with Bella, it just felt right. She didn't make any efforts to pull her hand away either.

When I looked in her eyes, I could have sworn they were full of hope. I couldn't help but smile at our joined hands.

I learned a lot about Bella but there was so much more to her and her story. I knew something bad had happened to her, but I wasn't prepared for what I saw at the beach. I thought her hurt was emotional but after seeing her scar, I knew, it was physical too. Someone had hurt her, badly. I could see the look of panic in her eyes when she realized I was staring at her scar, so I dropped it. I wasn't the only one to notice and thankfully Alice saved the day.

We continued our game of twenty questions while we walked to the tidal pools. This really was a beautiful place. I was excited to spend more time here. I touched on the situation with Jessica very briefly, but I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. I want to ensure that our friendship has a strong foundation before I divulge the dirty details of my past relationship.

I had so much fun sitting around the fire and making smores with everyone. Bella surprised me yet again when she accepted the bet against Emmett....what surprised me even more was that she won. This petite girl beat huge Emmett in an eating contest. I swear she never ceases to amaze me. I kept telling myself that I needed to tread lightly. I could very well see myself falling for her...if I'm not already. Bella fell asleep on the way home from the beach and I gladly carried her to Alice's room. Again, I couldn't help but notice how right she felt in my arms.

Alice...being Alice decided to pull me aside to have a talk with me before she went to bed.

"_Edward, can we talk?"_

"_Are you really giving me a choice?"_

"_No, not really. Just thought I'd try to keep up pretenses." _

"_What do you need Ali?"_

"_What's up with you and Bella? I noticed you two holding hands last night. You two seemed to be getting along very well today at the beach too."_

"_Alice, we are friends, am I not allow to have a good time with her?"_

"_Of course it's okay. I'm glad that you two are getting along so well, but Edward, you and I both know that you aren't one for casual contact since Jessica."_

_I knew I was trapped._

"_Alice, it wasn't casual. It felt right. There was no panic or apprehension on my part. It's hard to explain but it was just natural to hold her hand. And she didn't pull away."_

_Alice just smiled and tapped her head before getting ready for bed._

I wanted to spend more time with Bella, so I asked her to ride back to Seattle with me and I was ecstatic when she agreed.

Always full of surprises...she had New Kids on the Block on her iPod. That lead to some intense conversation from Bella about two of her friends. She was still in a lot of pain. It was nearly unbearable. I learned a lot about her and the more I learn the more I want to know. She is a fascination person. When she described the seasons for me I nearly stopped the car so I could give her my undivided attention. I felt like I was experiencing each season as she was describing it.

But much too soon, the conversation took a direction I wasn't prepared for.

"Edward, I can tell this is difficult for you and I don't want you to feel like you have to talk about it...but will you tell me about Jessica?"

I wanted to pass on that question but she had been so honest with me so far. I decided it was time to take a leap and talk. Of course, I wasn't ready to give her all the details.

"Like I told you last night, we met the summer before our senior year of high school at a pre med program that the University was hosting. It seemed we had a lot in common so we traded contact information before leaving. We spent the next year getting to know each other. We talked about everything; school, work, college, the future, boyfriends, girlfriends. She knew that I had a girlfriend but it wasn't serious. She was in a serious relationship with a guy named Laurent. Whenever they would fight, she would come to me for advice."

"We truly were friends and that's all I thought we would ever be. I thought she was pretty and had she not had a boyfriend we may have pursued a relationship, but I wasn't looking for that or expecting it, although I was interested. I was accepted to several colleges and I was having a hard time deciding where I wanted to go. The University of Washington was the closest one to my parents that had a program I was interested in, so that was a big reason I chose to move to Seattle, but another reason was Jessica. She told me in March that she had decided to move to Seattle and Laurent was pissed about it. He didn't want her to move. They ended up breaking up and I took that as a sign. Maybe we had a chance."

"We both decided to attending the incoming freshman program. Alice was involved in a project with mom so she decided not to move. By this time, I had already talked her into rooming with Jessica. Over the next month, Jessica and I became very close but we didn't officially start dating until a week before Alice moved down."

"When Alice moved down, mom and dad came with her. I was so excited to introduce them to my girlfriend. They all knew that Tanya, the girl I dated in high school, and I were more friends than anything, so I'd never really had a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship before. They were all excited to meet Jessica. So you can imagine my disapointment when Alice's reception was less than pleasant. Jessica didn't notice anything but the rest of us did."

"After dinner, we dropped Jessica off at the dorm, telling her that we wanted to spend some family time together. Mom and dad dropped me and Alice off at my dorm room and went back to their hotel. Alice immediately started in on me."

"_Edward...I don't like her. I'm sorry. I love you, you are my brother, but I don't like her."_

"_Alice, how can you say that? You just met her."_

"_Have you ever known me to misjudge people Edward? There is something about her that doesn't feel right. She isn't right for you."_

"_Alice, my relationship is none of your business. I like Jessica and she likes me...hell I may even love her. I'm asking you, as your brother, to please just stay out of it. Get to know her, for me. I don't want things to be difficult between the three of us."_

"_Only for your Edward, but this isn't going to work. But I'll be nice. I'll try to be her friend. But Edward, if she does anything at all to hurt you..."_

"_I know Ali. I love when the pixie protector comes out to play."_

"_Shut up Edward."_

"I should have listened to Alice. I'm sure you've heard that our family has a mantra...'Never bet against Alice' well I learned to believe in that the hard way."

"I'm so sorry Edward, you don't have to tell me anymore." She genuinely seemed concerned for me.

"Really, I need to do this. It helps. Things were really great with us for a while. Her and Alice even formed a friendship, mostly for my sake, but Alice never fully trusted her. She always felt that Jessica was wearing a mask the whole time, that we weren't seeing who she really was."

"Alice was right. I'm not ready to talk about what happened between me and Jessica in detail but I will say that she betrayed me and abused my trust. And worst of all, she lied to me. I noticed that after returning to school after winter break, she was acting really strange. She eventually confessed that she cheated on me over winter break with her supposed ex boyfriend, Laurent. And I'm taking a pass on the rest of the story...for now at least."

Before I knew what was happening, I felt Bella's arms around me. She was leaning over the center console, embracing me. I nearly ran off the road.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. That was a fucked up thing to do to someone. You deserve better than that."

The conversation was getting to be too much but my seemingly psychic sister saved the day, yet again. My cell phone rang.

"Hey Alice."

"Edward, we are going to stop and get a bite to eat. Do you and Bella want to join us?"

"Hold on, I'll ask. Bella, do you want to stop and get something to eat with everyone?"

"Yeah, that sounds great. I'm hungry."

"Yeah Alice, we'll join you."

Ten minutes later we were all sitting around looking at menus. It was nice to get away from the heavy atmosphere of the car. Jake and Emmett were great for making everyone laugh. The waitress was having a blast listening in on all the banter. I knew I was really going to enjoy getting to know everyone that was at the table.

Once we got back on the road, the conversation was light and fun. We talked a lot about music. She really did have a large variety of music. I found myself liking things that I'd always shied away from before. I think it was because she always had a story to go with the song. She even got me to sing along with her, something I don't typically do.

We got into a conversation about music we had composed and I was shocked to learn that she had never been to a real recording studio. She told me she always used the church that Katie attended. Katie's dad ran the sound board and helped her lay tracks down periodically. She had a few on her iPod and played them for me after some coaxing on my part. She was really good. The quality wasn't great but the music was beautiful.

"Your turn. I know you have pieces you've composed on your iPod. I shared mine, so pay up."

How could I deny her?

"Okay, fair is fair."

So I played a few songs for her.

"Wow Edward. That's amazing....Would it be too forward to ask if you could copy some of your songs onto my iPod. They really relax me. I tend to listen to my iPod while going to sleep. I'm running out of new stuff."

"I'll make you a deal. I'll give you my entire composition collection....if you agree to write a composition with me. Let's write a duet together and record it."

I think I shocked her. It took her a few minutes to answer.

"I think I'd like that Edward. We can start tomorrow. How's that? I have my normal time slot reserved. Does that work for you?"

"It's a date."

And right on cue, she blushed. It was becoming too easy to make her face turn red.

It was still early when we arrived back in Seattle, I wasn't ready for my time with Bella to be over, but we all needed to unpack from our trip and get some rest before returning to classes.

I helped Bella get her bags out of the car when we got to her dorm and confirmed our plans for the following day.

"So I'll see you tomorrow in the practice room."

"Yep, I'll be there. Start brain storming some ideas. And Edward...thanks for this weekend. Things could have turned out so differently. I'm glad we were able to talk things out. As much as I enjoyed Anthony's company, I think I'm going to like Edward even more." She smiled a true smile that made her whole face light up.

"Bella, I should be thanking you. You had no reason to forgive me so easily. I reacted so badly, but I'm very thankful that you allowed me to explain. I think we are going to get along just fine. I've really enjoyed getting to know Bella. I look forward to learning even more."

"I'll see you tomorrow Edward."

"Bye Bella."

She stood on her tip toes, gave me a hug, and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek before heading into the dorms with Alice, Angela, and Rosalie.

I wasn't able to concentrate for the rest of the day.

**BPOV**

We hadn't been back in our room for five minutes when all the girls trapped me.

"Living room in ten minutes ladies." Rose yelled at us.

Great, that left me just enough to unpack. I still needed to do a load of laundry.

"How about we go to the basement and wash clothes. We can talk while we are down there."

"That sounds like a good idea. I don't want my dirty clothes to pile up." Angela agreed.

So we all hauled our laundry to the basement. We lucked up and there were four open washers. As soon as I closed the lid on the washer I had claimed, the questions started.

"So Bella, you and Edward looked cozy this weekend."

"Rose, I'll tell you like I told Alice. We are working on our friendship, you know, getting to know one another."

"Uh huh, and you're full of shit." She cocked her eyebrow and smirked at me.

"You two are working on more than just a friendship. Everyone could see that."

I think my jaw hit the floor.

"Bella, if you say you two are just friends, then I believe you." Angela was so sweet.

"But I do agree with Rose. You two looked so cute together and it seems you have a lot in common with each other. More importantly, did you have a good weekend?"

"Thanks Ang, I did have a good weekend, a great one in fact. It's the most fun I've had since that shit in Phoenix. I was worried that the weekend would be ruined after the way Edward blew up at Alice, but I'm glad we were able to talk about what happened and work through it."

"I deserved his anger Bella. I know better than to keep stuff from Edward. He felt like I was abusing his trust."

"What's with him anyway Alice?"

"That's his story to tell Rose, but I will say that he had a really bad experience last year and it has caused him to be very wary of people. He has a hard time trusting and hates to be lied to or mislead."

"Well that's rich. Didn't he lie to Bella about who he was?" Rosalie was becoming very protective of me. But she didn't understand and Edward didn't deserve her anger.

"Rose, honestly. I completely understand why he did. Hell, I did the same thing. It was a self preservation mechanism for the both of us. He told me a little bit about what happened to him last year and his actions make a lot more sense to me. From the time I've spent with him I can tell that he isn't a dishonest person. He's a good person who found himself in a terrible situation that was no fault of his own. Please promise me you won't make him feel bad about what he did. Remember I did it to."

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to upset you. You're right, I can't be mad at him. I would be a hypocrite if I were. I'm not mad at you about it, I understand why you did it. I won't judge him, I promise. But can you at least give us a little info? Where do you see the relationship between you and Edward going?"

"I told you, right now we are just friends."

"Keep telling yourself that Bella. I know my brother and he is very intrigued by you. I've never seen him so drawn to someone. He likes you." Alice smirked.

I didn't believe her but just hearing her say that made my insides flutter and I of course blushed.

"That blush just proves you might like him too." Angela was turning to the dark side.

"Okay, fine. Yes I think I like him. But I'm not interested in jumping into a relationship. I'm screwed up and I need to work on me before I attempt to be in a relationship with a guy. Most of the time, I can't be touched by a guy without flinching. I still have trouble being alone with males. I have major insecurities and trust issues."

"But I've seen Emmett touch you and you are fine." Rose observed.

"Well Em's different. I feel just as safe with him as I do Jake. It took me a little while to feel completely comfortable around him. I've had a lot of practice at controlling the panic. Plus, he knows what happened to me. For some reason, that helped."

"Bella, you didn't act that way when you were holding Edward's hand." Damn Rose. I didn't think she was paying any attention to us on Saturday night.

"I know." I whispered.

"And it scares the hell out of me. But at the same time, I feel hopeful and a little bit excited."

"Why are you scared?" Alice asked.

"This probably isn't going to make any sense but here goes. I feel very comfortable and safe around Edward. We have a lot in common and I enjoy being around him. He can touch me and I can be alone with him and I don't feel anxious, scared, or panicked. I've only been in a relationship once, and he cheated on me. True I was a freshman in high school, but it still stings. I've only known Edward a short time and I already feel very secure with him. I'm scared I'll get hurt and I don't know if I can handle that. Plus, I have a hard time believing that someone like Edward would even be remotely interested in me."

"Are you serious?" They all asked.

"I'm just me. Nothing special. I'm pretty plain most of the time. Alice has been playing dress up with me and helping me with hair and make up, but I'm still just plain Bella."

"You don't see yourself clearly at all. Bella, you are gorgeous, talented, smart, funny. What guy wouldn't want to get to know you?"

"No one was interested to get to know me while I lived in Phoenix...except James...and we all know how that turned out."

"So who was the fucker that cheated on you?" Protector Rose was back.

"His name was Paul. And ironically enough, he cheated on me with Jake's cousin Leah. She was also my friend."

"What the hell?"

"Let me explain. Leah wasn't at fault." So I told them the story.

They couldn't decide if they were furious that Paul cheated on me or if they wanted to roll on the floor laughing at what Jake did.

"See, I told you Jake looked out for me." I couldn't help but laugh when I thought of the look on Paul's face.

"I know none of this makes sense. My low self esteem and insecurities are all tangled up and I don't know if they stem from being an outsider in high school, being known as a geek, never having a boyfriend, if they are solely the result of what James put me through, or if it's a combination of things. Good thing I'm in therapy huh?"

That made everyone laugh.

"Well I was going to keep this a secret a little longer but I can't." Alice was bouncing up and down.

"Bella, I know your birthday is this weekend and I also know you don't really like attention, but too damn bad. I've got plans for all of us on Friday and Saturday. Please just go with it and don't complain. You deserve to have some fun and be spoiled. So please just let me have my fun."

"I hate surprises Alice. You really don't need to do this."

"Yes Bella. I am very aware that you hate surprises and I know I don't HAVE to do this. I want to do this. Bella, from what you've told me, you've spend so much of your life watching out for others, taking care of them, putting them first. It's okay to accept that kind of love and attention from others, you know."

I thought about it and as much as I wanted to get mad, I couldn't. Elizabeth always hated the way I cringed away from attention, surprises, gifts...anything that brought attention to myself. She always thought it was ironic that I could get up in front of hundreds of people and play and never once blush or become bashful but as soon as the spot light was placed solely on me, I freaked. My excuse. I could hide behind my instruments. She was always trying to get me to accept things that people did for me and not complain. She wanted me to live and have fun and loosen up. I decided it was about time I did just that. It was the least I could do.

"You know what Alice...have fun planning. Elizabeth always wanted me to learn to accept the kindness of others and to not feel bad when someone did something for me or spent money on me. I hated anything that put direct attention on me and I especially hated it when people spent money on me. It infuriated her. So I'm going to start living up to a promise that I made to her. Bring it on pixie."

I think Edward and Jasper could hear her squeal of delight all the way across campus.

"So I guess since it's a surprise, you aren't going to tell me anything?"

"Nope not a word, but you'll be occupied Friday and all day Saturday."

"What time on Friday. I have an appointment with Dr. Kym."

"Umm...we need to be ready by 6:00, will you be able to get back by then? And don't worry, we'll be here to get you ready."

"Yeah, I can be back by then."

By this time, our clothes were finished and we piled them back in the baskets and headed upstairs to put them away.

I spent the rest of the night playing around with different chord progressions and melodies that kept floating around my head. After spending an hour or so on piano music, I broke out my clarinet and started playing. I had a lesson with Dr. Smithwick tomorrow and I didn't want to be unprepared. I also had a 'date' with Edward, as he so happily called it. I practiced for an hour before I decided I needed food. No one felt like cooking, so we walked over to the cafeteria. We were going to call the guys but Jake and Emmett were getting settled into their new room, Edward was buried in a book, and Jasper was studying for an upcoming test. It was nice to spend the evening with the girls.

We popped in a chick flick when we got back and had a great time laughing and crying together. Jake and Emmett came over when the movie was over and hung out for a little while. Him and Angela were so cute together. He pulled me aside shortly after he arrived to make sure that I was okay. I assured him I was perfectly fine. He shocked me when he told me that he approved of Edward...in whatever capacity I saw fit to include him in my life.

"Don't look so shocked Bells, I can tell a good guy when I see one. I will never think anyone is worthy of you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't find someone who can try. I just want you to be happy sweetie."

This of course made me cry. He was always worried about my happiness. I truly didn't deserve a friend like Jake.

"We need to have coffee this week and catch up. Think I can coax you away from the sexy scientist for a little while one night?"

"Anything for you Bells."

By 9:00, I was exhausted and decided to take to call it a night. Crawling into bed, I grabbed my iPod and found my bedtime music. As I drifted off to sleep, it wasn't to the melodies that were playing through my ear buds though, I only heard Edward's songs.

**A/N: So we are finally getting to some fun stuff in the next chapter. I need some suggestions on songs. Anything that is fun to dance to. Songs can be from any time era. I also need songs that are appropriate for pole dancing. You'll have to read the next chapter to find out what that's all about. **

**Reviews are fun, exciting, and they make my day.**


	24. Chapter 24: Blast From the Past

**A/N: I want to apologize for the long break between updates. Between sickness, issues at work, and traveling, it has been a hectic few weeks. I also had to go back and reread my own story...I know, I will learn to keep better notes. I couldn't remember how I set certain things up and needed to reacquaint myself with them in order to write the next couple of chapters. Rookie mistake, I know. At any rate, here is chapter 24. Hope you all enjoy. **

**Chapter 24: Blast From the Past**

**BPOV**

Tuesday morning came much too early. I was still tired from the weekend but I knew I couldn't stay in bed any longer. I had a lesson to get to...did I mention I was planning on going to the coffee shop in hopes that Edward would be there. I know, I'm becoming obsessive. After a quick shower, I threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, grabbing my bag while running out the door. I made it to the coffee shop in no time. I held my breath as I walked in while scanning the crowd. I spotted him and when our eyes met, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. I made my way through the throngs of people and finally got to the table he was saving.

"Good morning Edward." I smiled.

"Morning Bella." He smiled back.

"Edward, no matter how much caffeine you ingest, you will never have Alice's energy." I said as I noticed the two cups that were on the table.

He laughed, casting his eyes to the ground. He looked at me and blushed...he actually blushed.

"Well...ummm... actually one of them is yours. I was kindof hoping you'd show up this morning...hot chocolate with a shot of mint and whipped cream. Is that right?"

He remembered. I pulled out the chair and sat down. I couldn't help but notice how great he looked, even this early in the morning. He was wearing a form fitting gray shirt with dark jeans.

"Wow, Edward. Thanks. And it's perfect, my favorite."

I couldn't help but smile as I took a sip. For some reason that drink always made me feel at home, no matter where I was.

"Sorry I couldn't make it to dinner last night. I forgot about a reading assignment that I'm being quizzed on today."

"No problem. None of the guys were able to make it. So your assignment saved you from having to put up with a bunch of girl talk. We ended up watching 'Pretty Woman' and just hanging out after we ate. Jake and Emmett came over for a little while after they finished setting up their room, but I knocked out pretty early."

"Those two are something else separate...but together...damn. I feel sorry for their neighbors. Hell I feel sorry for the entire dorm."

I couldn't help but think about all the trouble those two could get in to. Just the thought of it made me laugh.

"I think we are in for a long year." I answered while laughing.

"I'm looking forward to hanging out with everyone more. I had a lot of fun this weekend. Made me realize how much I'm missing out on by trying to grow up too fast. Think I can join you guys sometime?"

"Anytime. We usually eat together three or four nights a week. Typically at the cafeteria but I try to cook at least once a week. I'm having coffee with Jake sometime this week, probably tomorrow. So what about Thursday...wanna come over and stuff your face with the rest of the group?"

"That sounds great." He hesitated before speaking again.

"What are you up to this weekend?"

"Uggg...You'll be my best friend for life if you can get it out of Alice...and then tell me."

He gave me a strange look.

I sighed.

"It's my birthday this weekend and she has already made plans for Friday and Saturday and I'm not allowed to know anything about…well anything. All she has told me is what time I need to be back in the room on Friday and to suck it up and deal."

"That sounds exactly like Alice. I remember her saying something about that to me weeks ago. But I thought she told me it was for next weekend. She invited me saying she wanted me to meet her friends and her totally awesome roommate. Little did she know, we'd already met."

"I still can't believe that whole situation. It's pretty comical if you think about it."

"I can't believe it took my sister so long to piece it together...and I really can't believe she didn't tell us as soon as she figured it out. I wanted to be mad at her, but I couldn't. I can never stay mad at her for long. Well unless you count last semester. That nearly destroyed her…me too."

"I can understand that. She's a pretty special person, even if she does drive me crazy with the surprises and refusing to let me pay for stuff myself."

"Again, that's just Alice. There really is no need to argue with her, she always gets her way."

"I know, I'm just not used to it. I've always felt bad when people do stuff for me and I've never been good with the whole surprise thing, but I'm working on it. It was something that drove Elizabeth batshit crazy. She lectured me all the time about it, telling me I just needed to get over it."

"I think she was right." He smirked at me.

"Not you too…are you turning to the dark side now?"

He laughed.

"Star Wars? I wouldn't have pegged you for a fan."

"Well, I did grow up with Jake. Plus I love the musical score. John Williams is my hero. Star Wars, Jaws, Gidget Goes to Rome, Dracula, ET, Indiana Jones, Amistad, Harry Potter…I can keep going."

"Definitely a fan." He laughed.

"I'm so thrilled that he will most likely be creating the score for the last two installments of Harry Potter. Movies 4, 5, & 6 were great, but nobody beats John Williams."

"Who are some of your other favorites?"

"Andrew Lloyd Webber without a doubt. Nobuo Uemastsu…I like video game music. Stephen Schwartz, Dario Marianelli…I could go on all day."

"I see that. Hey, why don't you pick out some of your favorites and maybe we could play together. I mean, I know we are working on a duet of our own, but it would be fun to play around with other stuff too."

"That sounds great. Speaking of our duet, did you come up with any ideas?"

"A few, but I really want us to do this together, so I didn't want to spend too much time on my own."

"Speaking of time, I gotta get going. I'm going to be late for my lesson."

"Mind if I walk with you?"

"Absolutely not. It will give us more time together." I couldn't help but smile at that.

We didn't have much time to really talk during the short walk over to the music building but I did bring up my birthday weekend.

"So you said earlier that Alice had invited you to the 'birthday extravaganza' this weekend. Are you going to come?"

"Of course. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to hang out with you….or the others."

"Great!!! I was scared I was going to be the seventh wheel during my own party."

"I'd never let that happen." He said seriously.

Once we reached the music building, we said our goodbyes and I headed off to Dr. Smithwick's office. My lesson went wonderfully; she was so full of praise. We made dinner plans for the following week. She originally invited me to dinner on Friday night but I explained that my crazy roommate was planning a birthday weekend for me. She smiled at that and made it very clear that she was extremely happy that I was making such great friends.

The rest of the day went by slowly. I met Alice for lunch and I asked if I could invite Felix and his girlfriend Heidi to join us. She told me she'd take care of it. So I gave her his phone number. She really didn't want me to know anything or do anything but show up. She even told me that she was in complete control of my wardrobe as well, which I didn't expect anything less.

Finally it was time to meet Edward. I was nervous but excited. The only people I'd ever worked on music with in the past were Elizabeth and Katie. We were so comfortable sharing with each other, but working with Edward was a completely different experience.

"Hey Bella! How was your day?"

"Long, what about yours?"

"Long…at least I aced my quiz this morning. I couldn't concentrate during any of my classes today though, I'm too excited. I just started composing again a few weeks ago and now I feel like I have all this pent up creative energy that is dying to get out."

"Wow Edward. Now I'm scared. Composing isn't my strong suit. I hope you aren't disappointed."

"You still don't see yourself clearly. But we'll change that. Let's get to work."

And boy did we ever. I don't think we slowed down the entire hour. When our time was up, I started to pack my things away, only to be stopped by Edward.

"Actually Bella, I..um...well I signed up for the next hour as well, just in case. I hope you don't mind. I mean if you have plans or something, I can hang out and practice."

"Nope, I have no plans. I'd love to stay for a while longer. I'm having a great time."

So we continued working on our duet. Edward was brilliant. He really knew what he was doing, but I found out that I was much better than I thought. He was better at getting the ideas from his head to the paper, whereas I was better with actually making his ideas into music. Working with him gave me a confidence that I had never obtained while working with Elizabeth and Katie. I thought about that for a while and finally came to the conclusion that I was more musically gifted than they were. I'm not trying to be arrogant or conceded but they weren't able to challenge me, my skill level was above theirs. Edward was a challenge. He made me work harder and think more about what I was doing. It was an exhilarating feeling. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Alice texted me sometime during the second hour, brining me back to reality.

_Dinner at the cafeteria at 6:30. You coming?_

_~Alice_

_I'll be there._

_~Bella_

"Edward, the gang is getting together for dinner tonight at the cafeteria. Do you want to join us?"

"Will that be okay?"

"Of course. You can hang out with us whenever you want. They're your friends too."

"Thanks Bella. It's strange having a large group of friends. I guess I've just recently figured out how closed off I have been to those around me. But I'm working on it." He smiled.

We left the music building at 6:15 and made our way to the cafeteria. Our group was waiting outside. They were surprised to see Edward with me.

"Finally decided to join the land of the normal college student I see." Alice chirped.

"Where the hell have you been all day dude, I haven't seen you since last night. You were already gone when I got up this morning and you weren't in the room any today." Jasper seemed slightly worried.

"You haven't spent all day in the library buried in books again, have you?" Alice inquired.

"Actually, I met Bella for coffee this morning, went to my classes, and I've been in the music building for the past few hours."

All eyes landed on me.

"Don't you spend Tuesday afternoons in the music building too, Bella?" Rosalie asked while giving me that knowing stare.

"Yes, I do." And I walked away from the group.

I wasn't ready to let them in on what Edward and I were working on. Apparently he wasn't either because he was walking right beside me, leaving our stunned group of friends to follow behind us. Thankfully there were no more questions about my afternoon and we were all able to sit back and enjoy each other's company. Questions about the upcoming weekend kept getting asked, but Alice refused to say anything in front of me.

"Alice, I thought you told me Bella's birthday party was going to be next weekend."

"I did? Sorry about that Edward. I guess I just got my dates mixed up. You know me, sometimes my brain can't catch up with my mouth." She laughed.

After we were finished eating, Alice asked everyone, but me, to hang back so they could discuss the plans.

"Alice, I'm going to walk Bella back to the dorm. Just call and fill me in later."

"I don't think so brother…I have a feeling if I fill you in on anything, you'll tell Bella." She smirked.

"Oh come on Alice. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, but I don't trust Bella not to drag it out of you." She smiled at me.

"Fine, what information will you give me?"

"I'll call you later and let you know."

We waved bye to all our friends and headed back to the dorm.

"Thanks Edward. You really didn't have to do that."

"It isn't a problem. Just wanted to make sure you got back safely. But now I have to get back to my room. I have a test I need to study for. Do you want to meet Thursday morning for coffee?"

"That sounds great. I'll see you then."

I was walking on cloud nine by the time I reached my room. The lines between friendship and 'other' were starting to get blurred, and I was scared. I could see how easy it would be to be more than friends with Edward. We had so much in common, got along great, and were so relaxed and comfortable around each other. For now I would just focus on friendship. I didn't want to ruin what I already had with him by trying to be more. I was fine with friendship…for now, I think.

I was already working on homework when the girls made it back to the room. They were chatting happily and quickly accosted me with questions about what I'd been up to this afternoon with Edward. I simply stated that we were getting to know each other. I don't think any of them bought it but they didn't press anymore.

I drifted off to sleep that night thinking about the duet Edward and I were working on. Wondering if we could someday be a duet as well.

**EPOV**

I'm in trouble…yep big trouble. I've known Bella all of a few weeks and already she is starting to break down those walls I've worked so hard to erect. Not only that, she has found a way to infiltrate my impenetrable heart. I knew that I'd never be happy just being friends with Bella. I had my suspicion that was the case over the weekend, but after spending so much time with her today, I knew I was a goner. We have so much in common and I truly had a wonderful time with her. I've never been able to share my love of music with someone the way I can share it with her. Not only does she appreciate it, but she gets it, she understands it, but most importantly she has a passion for it.

She challenged me today in a way no one ever has. I don't think I've ever had a more creative two hours in my entire life. I'll admit, I'm better at the actual composing part, it seems to come a bit more naturally for me than it does for Bella, but what she does with the notes I write is indescribable. She was able to take what I had put on paper and turn it into something concrete. I actually felt like the music she was playing was alive and it wrapped itself around the both of us. We were both on a creative high when Alice texted Bella about supper.

For the first time in a really long time, I felt like I belonged somewhere. The gang never made me feel out of place. I honestly believed her, when Bella told me they were all my friends too. The realization of how withdrawn and closed off I'd been in the past hit me hard. I've always known what I wanted to do with my life but I didn't know how much I was giving up by being so focused. I knew I needed to lighten up and live a little. But I also wanted to talk to my dad to see how my career path would be impacted if I cut back a little on the volunteering and such. Alice always told me I'd burn myself out before I even reached medical school if I didn't take time for myself, and now I was starting to believe her.

Surprisingly, I was really looking forward to Bella's birthday party. It would be fun to hang out with everyone and just let go for a while. After walking Bella back to her dorm, I made my way to mine, lost in my thoughts the whole way. I was getting ready to walk into the building when I heard my name.

"Edward. Stop ignoring me. I want to talk to you."

I guess I really had been lost in my thoughts. I hadn't heard her yelling my name. If I had heard her, I would have run for dear life. But it was too late, she was already approaching me.

"What do you want Jessica?" I asked, trying to keep my voice cool and calm.

"I told you I want to talk to you. Stop trying to run from me."

"I told you the last time that I have nothing to say to you. Fuck. Off."

"Please Edward, just give me a few minutes. Can't you spare that for me?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all she had done to me, how could she honestly make that request of me?

"I think I've spared more than my fair share for you. What part of fuck off don't you get? Furthermore, what could you possibly have to say after everything you've done to me?"

"Edward, it was a mistake. All of it was a mistake. I didn't mean for it to happen."

I knew it shouldn't bother me but her referring to our relationship as a mistake hurt.

"Glad to know I was a mistake Jessica. Is that what you needed to tell me? Is that what was so important? My god, isn't it enough that you ripped my heart out all those months ago, why do you feel the need to continue to tear me down?"

"That's not what I meant. You weren't a mistake. I could never think of you that way." She was crying now. But I didn't care.

"You're so full of shit. I mean, I may could have forgiven you one indiscretion. It would have taken a lot but I could have done it. But you continued to fuck your ex boyfriend, while you were fucking me. That's not a mistake…that's a fucking disaster."

I knew I needed to calm down, we were starting to draw a crowd. But I needed to get this all out, so I walked over and sat down at a picnic table that was off to the side of the dorm. Jessica followed me.

"I know. I'm so sorry. I can never tell you how sorry I am for all of it. I just needed to talk to you again, to see you. Edward I still love you, tremendously."

I felt like I was going to vomit. How dare she? I was finally getting my life back on track and now she decides to pull this shit. I was getting ready to completely lose it, but stopped dead when I saw who was approaching the two of us. Alice and she looked livid. Oh shit, this isn't going to end well.

Alice walked up to Jessica and slapped her hard across the face.

"You bitch." Jessica screamed.

"I'm a bitch? Seriously? Honey, you've got it all wrong. You are the bitch. What the hell is wrong with you? You stay away from my brother you slut. I swear I will beat your ass."

"Alice, stay out of this. This is between me and Edward. It has nothing to do with you. It never did." Jessica sneered.

"Fuck you. This is about me too. I was the one that tried to befriend you for my brother, I was the one that gave you advice about your relationship when you needed it, I was the one who figured out what the hell was going on with you, I was the one that almost lost my brother because he was too blind to see you for what you really are, I was the one who picked up my brother and put him back together after you decided you couldn't keep your damn legs closed. Was it worth losing the best thing you ever had or will ever get, just to fuck your ex? Was he worth it? Were the consequences worth it?"

Jessica just stared at Alice and then her eyes darted between me and Alice. She looked so broken, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Well was it?" I demanded. For some sick reason, I wanted to know what she thought.

She still didn't answer but Alice kept on.

"You know what Jessica. As much pain and hurt as it caused my brother, myself, and my family, I'm glad you did it. You were never good enough for him. You never deserved him, but he knows that now. He is putting his life back together, without you in it. He is moving on to bigger and better things. You claim you still love him…you don't know what love is. Love isn't repeatedly committing an action that you know will hurt and destroy the one you supposedly love. What you did was hateful and selfish. The cheating may could have been forgiven to a certain degree, but what you did after…"

I had to cut her off, I wasn't ready to for that to be spoken of yet.

"Alice, please. Not here, not now." I knew I looked devastated because she immediately ran to me and pulled me into a hug while shooting daggers at Jessica.

Jasper just looked lost. I knew he didn't know what was going on. I was going to have to tell him, or at least have Alice tell him.

"Jessica, please just go." I didn't want to see her again, ever again.

"But Edward, we need to talk. We can work through this. I know we can. I know you. You loved me before, you can love me again. I never stopped loving you. I just thought I did. You are who I want. Please say we can try."

She really didn't get it.

"No. We cannot try again. Are you delusional? I have moved on and it will never be with you. You gave that up. I may have loved you at one time, but I certainly don't anymore. Now that I have had time to think about it, I don't think that I ever really loved you. I loved who I thought you were, the person I spent a year getting to know. That's not the person you really are. Alice was completely right when she said you wore a mask and were hiding your true self from us. She realized that after one damn meeting. She saw something that I ignored for an entire year. Please, just leave me alone. Get the fuck out of my life."

"Fine, I'll leave. But we aren't finished. You can count on that."

"Bitch, didn't you just hear my brother. Leave him the fuck alone. He is moving on, he doesn't want you. You will not mess up the good things he has in his life now. You will never have Edward's love again. You aren't worthy of it. You are a lying, cheating, selfish, self absorbed, egotistical, hateful bitch and I will not allow you to drag my brother down with you ever again."

Damn, I really do have a protective pixie for a sister.

Jessica finally gave up and walked away. I was emotionally drained at this point and just wanted to go to my room. Alice and Jasper walked with me, not saying anything. But when we got to my room, Alice started talking.

"Edward, are you okay? Do you need anything? Do you want me to get Bella?"

"Please no Alice, don't call Bella. She doesn't know about all of this. She knows I dated Jessica and that she cheated but that's it. I just need some time to myself. Thanks for being there though. I love my protective pixie." I managed a smile.

"Edward, I'm not trying to pry…but what the fuck just happened?" Jasper asked with a confused look on his face.

"I'm really not up for talking about it right now, but I trust Alice can convey the whole story. I just ask that it stays between the three of us right now. I don't care if they know I dated her and she cheated, but keep the other stuff quiet. Especially from Bella. I want to be the one to tell her about it."

"No problem. Really, Alice doesn't have to tell me anything at all if you aren't comfortable with it."

"Jasper, can you give me a minute with Edward."

Jasper kissed her on the head and walked out of the room. I wasn't ready to talk about it all yet so I asked about Bella's party.

"Alice, what did I miss with the party planning?"

"I can fill you in on that later. I'm more concerned about you right now. Are you really okay?"

"No, I'm not, but I won't go down that path again. I promise. I really just need to be alone for a while. I love you sis."

"Love you too. Call me if you need me. Are you sure you want Jasper to know?"

"Umm… just give him the basics. You know that parts to leave out. I'm not ready to face anyone knowing that yet."

"Okay, I'll call you later tonight."

And she walked out the door to fill Jasper in on my misery.

I sat alone for what felt like hours, but was only minutes. I could feel myself being pulled into that black hole that swallowed up so much of my life last semester. It was late but I knew I needed to see Dr. Kym as soon as possible, so I called and left a message with her answering service. As luck would have it, she called me right back.

"Hi Edward, this is Dr. Kym. Is everything okay?"

"No, not really. I just had a run in with Jessica and I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. I'm all over the place."

"What happened?"

"Well she basically apologized and told me she still loves me and wants us to try to work things out. I in no way feel or want the same thing but seeing her and reliving what she did is just bringing it all back. Is there anyway I can come in for a session tomorrow?"

"First of all, can you wait that long?"

"Yes, I will be fine until then."

"Okay, well come in around 1:00 and I'll get you in. Work on the relaxation techniques that I taught you. Go to your happy place. If it gets too bad, just call me."

"Thanks Dr. Kym. I'll see you tomorrow."

So I did what she told me to do. The breathing exercises helped calm me down but what helped the most was going to my happy place. I spent the rest of the night with Bella in the music room. I felt much better by the time Alice called. She told me she filled Jasper in on the basics. He knew there was more but told her he would wait until I was ready to talk about it. He really is a great friend. I fell asleep to thoughts of Bella.

**BPOV**

I could tell from the moment that Alice walked into our room that something wasn't right. She looked pissed off, well more than pissed, she looked murderous. I had never seen her that way before.

"Alice, my god, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Bella. Just had a run in with an old friend." She snarled.

"I don't think friends illicit such responses."

She only had to say one word for me to understand.

"Jessica." She growled…she literally growled.

"Oh" was all I could muster.

I couldn't help but think about Edward. When did Alice run into her? Did she approach Edward? If so, how was he doing?"

"Alice, were you with Edward when this happened?"

"No. I actually walked up on them. They were outside of his dorm. He was pissed and she wouldn't leave. I let her have it. My hand is still stinging from where I slapped that bitch."

"Damn Alice, I don't think I've ever seen you so angry. Is Edward okay?"

"He's pretty upset, but I think he'll be fine. But I'm going to call just to be sure."

She got him on the phone and talked for a few minutes. When she hung up she assured me he was okay.

"Bella, don't say anything to Edward about this. He doesn't really want anyone to know."

"No problem, Alice, but I am curious. You told me a while back that you'd tell me what happened between the two of them, that it wasn't really a secret. Why has that changed?"

"It hasn't really changed. How much has Edward told you?"

"No much. He has told me how they met, how the relationship started, and that she cheated on him. But nothing more."

"Well he has told you all that I would have. If you remember, I also told you that there was more involved and it was his story to tell. What he has told you isn't a secret; we just don't talk about it much. The stuff he hasn't told you, well I'm pretty sure he is waiting until you know each other a little better. Just like I'm sure you are holding back your story for the same reason."

"You're right Alice. I won't ask any more questions. I'm just glad he is okay. Are you okay though? Need a pint?"

"Actually I do. Let's grab some spoons."

So we spent the next hour eating ice cream and talking. I tried to pull out of her what we were doing for my birthday but she wouldn't budge. She told me not to even try with the others either, that she had threatened bodily harm if they so much as even hinted around about the plans. She took this kind of thing very seriously.

I was still worried about Edward but knew I couldn't do anything about it. I would abide by my promise to Alice and not say anything to Edward. I was anxious for Thursday morning so I could see him again.

My classes on Wednesday seemed to drag on forever. My professors seemed to be piling on the work. I had a lot of reading to do and a few papers that I had to start writing. Most of those wouldn't be a problem though. My music theory class was the worst. It was so boring but it was required. Before leaving that class, my professor stopped me and told me that Professor Smithwick needed to see me.

I was nervous as I made my way to her office. I couldn't figure out why she would need to see me. But my nervousness was for no reason. She simply wanted to let me know that all the paperwork for my advisor transfer had been completed and signed off on. She was officially my advisor now. I was a little worried how our relationship may appear to other students but she told me not to worry about it. She also told me that Yo Yo Ma would be performing a concert in Seattle the second week in October. We had discussed my love of his music.

She had a lot of connections and had managed to get tickets. She had two extra and asked if I'd be interested in going. Of course I said yes. She told me to invite a friend and I instantly thought of Edward. I was a little nervous about bringing him, knowing he had issues with her so I decided to test the waters.

"Dr. Smithwick, I know who I'd like to bring but I'm worried that the two of you may not get along."

"I'm sure it isn't an issue, but who would you be inviting?"

"Edward Cullen?" I said hesitantly. It came out as a question.

She laughed.

"Oh Bella. I see you've been listening to his 'she doesn't like me' spill. Well the truth is, I like him very much. I tend to be hardest on those that I find to be the most talented. And he is very talented. I was disappointed when I found out he was pre-med. He would have made an excellent addition to our music program. But I have to ask, how do you know him?"

"It's a long story, but if you have the time, so do I."

So I told her the whole story. She thought it was hilarious. Of course she was pleased that I was making friends. When I told her we were working on a duet together she was ecstatic. She even mentioned maybe playing it at the winter concert. She told me I could even bring him to dinner next weekend with us. She asked what our relationship was and when I told her we were just friends; she laughed and shook her head. For some reason, no one believed me when I told them that.

I called Felix while walking back to my dorm. I was ready for another lesson. We decided since we were both busy during the week, that we'd try to stick with the Monday night lessons. Plus we knew Em was free at that time as well. He told me that Alice called and invited him to my birthday but wouldn't give me any details. He said he valued his manhood too much to cross her. He assured me both he and Heidi would be there.

No one was back from classes when I got to our suite so I decided to take advantage of the quiet common room. I started outlining the multiple papers I had to write and quickly lost track of time. Angela was the first to make it back from classes.

"Hey Bella. I hear you have a date with Jake tonight." She laughed as she wiggled her eyebrows.

"You know it. We have to make up for lost time. Seems some other girl has caught his eye." I loved that I could joke around with her about my relationship with Jake.

"Bring me back some coffee?" She asked.

"Of course. I'll give you a call before we leave and take orders."

Rosalie and Alice came in next. They ran into each other at the library earlier and walked home together.

"I'm going to coffee with Jake in a little while. Do you girls need anything while I'm out?"

And right on cue my phone rang. It was Jake and he was waiting in the parking lot.

"See you girls later."

I could have sworn I heard Angela say something about gossiping like old ladies. She knew us so well already.

It didn't take us long to get to the coffee shop and find a table. Then the girl talk began.

"So Jake, what's up with you and Angela?"

"So Bella, what's up with you and Edward? Two can play this game sweetheart."

"You first."

"Okay, okay. Angela is amazing. I really like her but we are taking things slow. I'm not sure how to act around her sometimes. It's strange to me that she accepts our relationship for what it is. No other girl has ever accepted us, Bella. I'm amazed by her but I'm scared too."

"What are you scared about Jake? That isn't like you at all."

"I know. I guess this is the first person I've ever truly been interested in. She seems perfect for me, too perfect. Is she real?"

"I think Angela is a very genuine person and you should be thankful that she is accepting of you, all of you. Don't let your fear stand in the way of a potentially wonderful relationship. I've talked to her quite a bit and I think she really likes you too. Matter of fact, she finds your loyalty and friendship to me as a plus. Just take things slow, get to know each other. If it's meant to be, then it will happen."

"Thanks Bells. I really needed you to be okay with this."

"Jake, you have to stop living your life for me. I want…no I need you to be happy. Please, for once in your life, stop thinking about me and do something for you. You deserve happiness."

"So do you, Bells. I promise I won't screw things up with Angela. But I'll tell you like I told her, I won't ever let someone into my life that can't accept you for what you mean to me and not even your protest will change that. So enough about me. What's up with you and Edward. You two seemed cozy yesterday."

"Like you and Angela, we are taking things slow, but I have to tell you Jake, the urge to rush things is strong. I don't know what it is about him, I just feel so drawn to him. Jake, I just know that I need to be careful; he is fully capable of breaking my heart if I let him. But I know it's too soon to even think of things like that. He has to know me, all of me, before we can move forward. And I know there are things in his past that I need to know about too."

"Bells, I just want you to be happy too. I don't know if he will break your heart but I can tell you that I saw the way he was around you and he likes you. Guys can tell these things. But honey, there are no guarantees in life. You know this better than most. You can't always be so guarded. You have to take chances in your life or nothing exciting will ever happen. I think you and Edward are good for one another. You'll finally be able to share your love of music with someone who truly understands. Plus you two seemed like kindred spirits. Hard to explain but I can almost see the connection between you two when you are together."

I'd never heard Jake talk like this. It stunned me into silence. But one thing I knew about Jake, aside from his joking and carefree nature, he is and always has been a very perceptive person. He is wise beyond his years. So I always take his advice to heart.

"Thanks Jake. I think you need to listen to your own advice. I guess we both have a lot to work on. Got any plans with Ang?"

"Well there's your birthday party…and before you even start, I like my balls to much to tell you anything."

Damn Alice.

"What about you and Edward?"

"Well if I tell you, you have to keep your mouth shut."

He nodded.

"Well, we are actually working on a duet together. I've never had anyone push me creatively as much as he did yesterday. It felt good. I was so invigorated. And the piece is going to be beautiful. He really is talented. But aside from that, and I haven't even told him this yet. Dr. Smithwick gave me two tickets to see Yo Yo Ma in October. I'm going to see if Edward wants to come with me. He told during one of our first meetings that he'd always wanted to hear him in concert. I'm excited to tell him about it."

I was lost in my thoughts of Edward when my phone buzzed, alerting me to a new text.

_Bella, how much longer are you and Jake going to be girl talking? We want our coffee._

_~Alice_

I laughed. She was so impatient.

"What's so funny?"

"The girls want us to wrap up and bring them coffee."

I called and got everyone's order. A few minutes later, Jake was driving me back to the dorm.

"Jake, try to find a visitors spot. I'm going to need help getting all these drinks up to the room. Plus I'm sure Ang wants to see you."

He smiled and blushed. Jake hardly ever blushes. He managed to snag one of the visitor's spots and we made our way upstairs. Alice nearly knocked me over to get her drink.

We all hung out for a little while debating what I was going to fix for supper tomorrow night. Alice won. She wanted tacos. It was quick and easy and I was definitely on board with that. She even offered to run to the store and pick up the stuff after her classes were over tomorrow. I told her that I had already invited Edward and she shrieked in excitement. I couldn't help but notice that Jake and Angela had disappeared. I truly was happy for the both of them.

I was getting ready to go to bed when Alice bounced in the room.

"Hey Bella, can I dress you in the morning?"

"I have to get up early. I'm meeting Edward at the café on campus at 7:00."

"Not a problem. I just have a feeling about tomorrow."

"Whatever you say Alice."

"I knew you'd catch on quickly."

It didn't take me long to fall asleep. She was right, I'd learned quickly not to fight Alice. She was usually right anyway.

**A/N: I had planned for Bella's birthday party to be the next chapter, but things have gone a little off schedule. Both need time with Dr. Kym and there will be some other interesting things to take place. But I promise, Bella's birthday will get a whole chapter and soon.**

**Reviews will make Bella's party that much more spectacular!!!!**


	25. Chapter 25: Mission Critical

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who continue to read, review, and add me to your favorites/alerts list. And since I haven't done one in a while....**

**Disclaimer: All characters from Twilight belong to SM. Dr. Smithwick belongs to me along with this crazy plot.**

**Chapter 25: Mission Critical**

**EPOV**

Beep...Beep...Beep

_What the hell is that noise?_

Beep...Beep...Beep

_Oh yeah, it's satan...also known as my alarm clock._

I slowly crawled out of bed, trying desperately to ignore the pounding in my head. I managed to make it to the bathroom where I found the Tylenol. It was going to be a long day if I didn't get rid of this massive headache. After swallowing three of the pills, I made my way back to my room, sitting down at my computer I took a few minutes to reflect.

What the fuck happened yesterday? How could one of the best days of my life turn into an absolute nightmare. Well that's an easy one word summary, Jessica. I was on such a high after spending the afternoon locked in a practice room with Bella, a piano, and my composition notebook. I haven't felt that alive in god knows how long. Spending time with my friends afterwards just made the day even better. But then the she devil herself had to appear and ruin it all for me.

I've known for a few weeks that she was desperate to talk to me, about what, I had no clue. In my mind there wasn't anything more she could possible say to me that I'd want to hear. I thought I made myself painfully obvious when she approached me in the coffee shop the first morning I met Bella there. Damn if I was wrong. To make matters worse, Alice literally walked right into the confrontation. By some miracle, Alice had never really released her wrath on Jessica. She was too concerned with keeping me together to process her own anger. I thought I'd hit the ground when she slapped Jessica. And poor Jasper, I can't imagine what was going through his head.

I didn't try to stop Alice though. She deserved to have her say after all these months of holding back. Jessica had hurt Alice as well. Even after both Alice and I had our turn telling Jessica to 'fuck off' I'm pretty sure I haven't seen the last of her. I've always known she'd find a way to get back into my life, but I never thought she'd throw herself at me with claims of still being in love with me. She must truly be psychotic if she thinks I'd ever remotely consider taking her back after all the shit she put me through.

By this time the Tylenol was working it's magic and I knew I needed to find some breakfast. After a quick shower I grabbed a granola bar and sat back down at my computer. I had intentions of looking for Bella's birthday present but I couldn't focus on a single task. My brain was on overdrive and there wasn't a thing I could do to slow it down.

The longer I sat at my computer desk stewing about this, the more pissed I became. Good thing Dr. Kym was making time for me today. I have to blow off a class but my mental stability is much more important than an hour long lecture. I can always get the notes from a classmate.

As pissed off as I am, I'm also terrified. I've made good progress over the past few months and I don't want any set backs. I also don't want to cause any potential problems for Bella and I. If I told the truth, yes, I really did want Alice to call Bella and ask her to come over last night, but I didn't think I was in the right frame of mind to tell her the whole history of Edward and Jessica. I was also unsure of how she would handle the entire truth. She is obviously dealing with her own traumatic past and I don't want to burden her with mine, but Bella has a way of calming me down that even I don't understand and I could have really used that yesterday. I know I'm going to have to talk to her soon and give her all the dirty details. I want her in my life, in whatever capacity I'm blessed with, but she needs to know about my past. It explains so much about who I am today.

I didn't have any intentions of picking out a song for my session with Dr. Kym this afternoon but as I was listening to my iPod I found the perfect song. Alice must have downloaded it on one of the many occasions she swiped it from me. Our taste were quite different but I could appreciate the lyrics. Jasper woke up and decided he needed to go on a quest for food. He didn't say anything about what Alice told him but he did remind me that he was here if I needed a male to talk to. After our manly heart to heart, we made our way to the cafeteria for some real grub...the granola bar just didn't cut it.

By ten I was sitting in my first class of the day, but I couldn't concentrate. I noticed a girl that was in my one o'clock class sitting a few rows in front of me, so I graciously asked her if she would mind if I borrowed her notes for today's class, later in the week. She agreed before giving me a smile and winking...I think she was trying to flirt with me, but it did nothing for me.

I had to rush to make my next class. The professor piled on the assignments and I knew that if I wanted to go to Bella's party this weekend, I'd have to hit the books hard for the rest of the week. After all, my sister hadn't just planned a day to celebrate Bella's birthday, she planned the whole weekend. After class was dismissed I sprinted back to the dorm to get my car. Today was definitely a day I needed the entire time with Dr. Kym so I didn't want to be late.

I was surprised to see Dr. Kym in the waiting room as I stepped off the elevator. She silently motioned for me to follow her. She barely had the office door shut behind us when she started speaking.

"Edward, are you any better today?"

"Yes...and no. It's been an emotional roller coaster."

I walked over to her iPod docking station, plugged in my iPod, and selected the song. The sounds of 'Don't Wanna Think About You' by Simple Plan filled the room.

_Can you leave me here alone now_

_I don't wanna hear you say_

_That you know me_

_That I should be_

_Always doin what you say_

_Cuz I'm tryin to get through today_

_And there's one thing I know_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Think about me_

_Don't wanna figure this out_

_I Don't wanna think about you_

_Or think about nothin_

_Don't wanna talk this one out_

_I won't let you bring me down_

_Cuz I know_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Don't wanna think about you_

_When I wake up here tomorrow_

_Things will never be the same_

_Cuz I won't wait_

_Cuz you won't change_

_And you'll always be this way_

_Now I'm gonna get through today_

_And there's one thing I know_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Think about me_

_Don't wanna figure this out_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Or think about nothin_

_Don't wanna talk this one out_

_This time I won't let you bring me down_

_Won't let you shut me out_

_This time I know_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Run away_

_Run away_

_Running as fast as I can_

_Run away_

_Run away_

_I'll never come back again_

_Run away_

_Run away_

_Don't wanna think about you_

_Think about me_

_Don't wanna figure this out_

_Don't wanna think about you_

_Think about me_

_Don't wanna talk this one out_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Think about me_

_Don't wanna figure this out (figure this out)_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Or think about nothin_

_Don't wanna talk this one out_

_This time I won't let you bring me down (bring me down)_

_Won't let you shut me out (shut me out)_

_This time I know_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Run away_

_Run away_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Run away_

_Run away_

_I don't wanna think about you_

_Run away_

_Run away_

_I don't wanna think about you_

"That's a good song choice Edward. It's very straight forward. No need to explain your feelings behind this song."

"Well, it was either this or Kelly Clarkson."

That got a laugh out of Dr. Kym, but I wasn't joking. Right after Jessica and I broke up, I walked into Alice's room one day and she was playing 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' and I admit, I laid on her bed and cried like a baby, something I would only ever do in front of Alice. For some reason I felt like sharing that with her.

"Well actually, one of her songs was pretty fitting to me after the break up and the more I think about it, it probably is still somewhat fitting."

"Would you like to play it?"

"I'm not sure if it's still on my iPod, but I'll check. I think Alice created a play list of her own for when she swipes it from me."

It was still there so I played it, feeling more than slightly embarrassed. I mean, how many guys have Kelly Clarkson on the iPods? Even if it was put there by their sister. When "Behind These Hazel Eyes' started playing I couldn't help but go back to that place I was a few months ago.

_Seems like just yesterday_

_You were a part of me_

_I used to stand so tall_

_I used to be so strong_

_Your arms around me tight_

_Everything, it felt so right_

_Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong_

_Now I can't breathe_

_No, I can't sleep_

_I'm barely hanging on_

_Here I am, once again_

_I'm torn into pieces_

_Can't deny it, can't pretend_

_Just thought you were the one_

_Broken up, deep inside_

_But you won't get to see the tears I cry_

_Behind these hazel eyes_

_I told you everything_

_Opened up and let you in_

_You made me feel alright_

_For once in my life_

_Now all that's left of me_

_Is what I pretend to be_

_So together, but so broken up inside_

_'Cause I can't breathe_

_No, I can't sleep_

_I'm barely hangin' on_

_Here I am, once again_

_I'm torn into pieces_

_Can't deny it, can't pretend_

_Just thought you were the one_

_Broken up, deep inside_

_But you won't get to see the tears I cry_

_Behind these hazel eyes_

_Swallow me then spit me out_

_For hating you, I blame myself_

_Seeing you it kills me now_

_No, I don't cry on the outside_

_Anymore..._

_Here I am, once again_

_I'm torn into pieces_

_Can't deny it, can't pretend_

_Just thought you were the one_

_Broken up, deep inside_

_But you won't get to see the tears I cry_

_Behind these hazel eyes_

We sat in silence for a few moments before she spoke. I had never played this song for her and I suspect that it gave her a better idea of how the situation weighed on me.

"Thanks for sharing that song with me. It really tells me a lot about how you felt and are still feeling about the situation. So tell me about yesterday."

And I did. Not only about Jessica but about the time I spent with Bella. I also told her about the weekend and that 'Maria' and I worked things out. She was ecstatic, especially when I told her that we were working on composing a duet together. She really didn't say much during the session, just listened. She let me get it out of my system, which helped tremendously. I think I talked more during this session than any other time I'd ever been to her office. I noticed it was getting close to the hour mark, so I started to gather up my stuff when Dr. Kym stopped me.

"Edward, I blocked off two hours for you today. I wanted to make sure we had enough time to discuss what happened yesterday. I know this has been tough for you and I just want to make sure you're dealing with it all in a healthy way. I hope that's okay."

"Thanks, I could use a little more time."

"Well I've let you have nearly an hour to talk. Now I want to ask you some questions. Please be open and honest with your answers. You probably won't like some of my questions but I only ask them because it's important."

I nodded my head and she continued.

"How do you feel about Jessica?"

"That's easy enough. I hate her. I can't stand her. I loath her."

Dr. Kym paused for a moment while rubbing her pen top across her lips. She usually did this when she was deep in though. She finally looked at me and sighed.

"Is that 100% true Edward? Take a moment to think about your answer before speaking."

I did as she asked and the longer I thought about it the more I realized those things weren't true. I'm not the type of person to feel those things.

"No that isn't true." I admitted reluctantly.

"Will you elaborate for me?"

"I hate her actions, what she did to us, that she lied to me, that she made such a life altering choice without even talking to me about it. I know in the long run that it really wouldn't have mattered what I thought, but those few months were agonizing for me. I miss the person that I spent all those months getting to know. I miss her friendship. I miss the companionship that we once had. But most of all I'm resentful because I don't know if I ever really knew the real her. I regret all the time I spent forging a bond with her for it to only be broken in such a drastic way. I can't help but think about all the other friendships I lost because I was too wrapped up in her. I never really enjoyed my first year of college. I was so focused on her and our relationship."

"I know this will seem like a redundant question to you, but do you still have feelings for her, love her?"

"I don't love her anymore. That, I'm very certain of. Sometimes I wonder if what we had was really love at all. I think we were just really good friends who read too much into the relationship we had. We were a novelty to each other. I had never really had a 'real' girlfriend and she had just gotten out of a pretty intense relationship. We didn't know a lot of people when we moved to Seattle so we naturally clung to each other. Sometimes when I look back, I realize that once we decided to try a romantic relationship, it was strained. Our friendship was always so easy, but the romantic part took way too much work. I know relationships take work but don't they usually feel somewhat natural and not forced? I mean, what normal teenage boy has to be pressured into having sex with his girlfriend?"

"Why do you question if you ever really loved her?"

"Because I've been happier with my friend Bella, who I've only known for a very short time, than I ever was with Jessica. I met Jessica when I was still in high school and in all the time I've known her, I've never had as much fun, been as happy or content with her as I am around Bella. And Bella and I are just friends. That says a lot about the relationship I had with Jessica. But as much as I want to hate Jessica, I can't. I'm not that person, at least I wasn't before I met her. That's the type of person I was after I found out what happened and I did not like that person. That person nearly destroyed me and all of those that love me. I don't ever want to be that person again."

"I'm glad you recognize that Edward. In life, you have to learn something from all relationships. Try to focus on the positives that they have had on your life, not the negatives. I know the negatives seem to out weigh the positives in your relationship with Jessica but at least you learned what type of person you don't want to be. You also learned what you want in a relationship, how you think it should feel. I'm not saying that's right or wrong but it is something that will help you when you decide you want to try again. How did it make you feel to hear her say she still loves you and wants you back?"

"It made me feel sick and angry. It made me question her motives and whether she was sane. It also made me question if she felt any regret for what she put me through. Why did she wait so long to approach me about her feelings? She's never really apologized for anything and has never shown any remorse. Does she honestly think that is something I could just overlook? It's almost like she knew that I was finally moving on and was happy and she decided to try to take that away from me."

"Do you think you'd ever want to try another relationship with her? Don't look at me like that Edward, I promise I'm not trying to be cruel."

I tried really hard to wipe the scowl off my face before answering.

"Absolutely not. There is not a chance in hell that I'd ever try a relationship with her. Never again. I have no desire for her what so ever, in any capacity. Any feelings I once had for her, whether love, lust, friendship, whatever, are completely and utterly gone. As hard as I am trying, just the thought of it makes me feel all sorts of negative feelings and you said I'm supposed to focus on the positive." I couldn't help but smirk.

"Okay, well let's talk about something positive then. Your music. You said that you and your friend Bella are working on a composition together. Would you like to tell me about it...and her?"

"Well I already told you the crazy story about how we met. We get along really well, have a lot in common, and I feel at peace when I'm around her. When we met I was blown away by her. I actually sat down at my piano and started composing the first day I met her. I hadn't written anything since Jessica. Bella was able to get me to do that again. I admit, I felt betrayed by her and Alice when I found out that she had lied to me, but I did the same thing to her, only I took things a step further, well maybe a bunch of steps further, with the way I reacted to seeing her with her guy friend. She is such a caring and compassionate person. She forgave me much too quickly in my opinion, but that's just how she is. She always seems to put others first. And she is incredibly talented too. I suggested writing the duet together for multiple reasons. One, I just wanted to spend more time with her, getting to know her and witness her talent. Two, it was my way of apologizing for being such an ass. And three, I thought it would be nice to share a part of me with someone who can actually understand and appreciate it."

"How do you feel about your friendship with Bella now? Previously you said that was all you were looking for, but do you still feel that way?"

"Wow, Dr. Kym, just jump right in there." I laughed.

"That's an easy but yet a hard question at the same time. I could definitely see something more with her. We get along so well, have so much in common, but there are things in her past that she hasn't told me about, things that I'm scared have caused irreparable damage to her. As much as I'd like more than friendship, I don't want to push her and then lose her. On top of her own issues, I have no clue how she'll react when I tell her everything about my relationship with Jessica, and I do mean everything. I'm scared too. Jessica and I were great friends and look how that turned out. So for now, friendship is enough. Before we can move past that stage, both of us have to open up and learn to trust the other. If we ever make it to that stage, we'll have to reevaluate to make sure that we aren't projecting and confusing feelings of friendship for more. I want to be damn certain this time around. But for now, I'm just thankful to have a true friend."

"That's wonderful Edward. I'm so glad that you have that in your life right now. Sounds like you need your friends more than ever."

"Yeah, I do. I've also learned that I need to loosen up and act my age a bit more. Luckily all of Alice's friends have quickly become my friends and they won't allow me to be that reclusive person I came to be in the last year. I'm so happy that she has met such a wonderful group of people. There is never a dull moment and they all truly love life. Each person in the group is so different, yet they mesh so well together. They are all already so close and Alice thinks the world of all of them, especially Bella. I'm so happy for Alice. If anyone deserves happiness, she does. She has put up with so much for me. But I guess she finally got her say. After all these months she finally got to tell Jessica exactly how she feels. Am I a bad person for letting her do that?"

"No Edward. Alice is a grown woman, not a child. Do you think Alice is still hurting from all that happened?"

"Yes, although she is much better at putting things in perspective and dealing with them than I am."

"Do you think it might help if she talked to me? You could bring her with you one day. It would even give you a chance to fully express how much you appreciate her."

"I'll talk to her about it. But I think that may be a good idea. She spent so much time trying to put me back together that she hasn't had much time to deal with things herself."

"Well time is almost up Edward. Just remember what we've talked about today. If Jessica does approach you again, try to keep the anger level to a minimum. I know it will be hard but be the bigger person. Don't let her get to you. Hell, bring her to therapy too. She may need it worse than any of you involved. Keep your friends close. Don't push them away. Keep up with your music, don't push that to the side again. As hard as running into Jessica again has been for you, I think it will go a long ways in helping you finally close that chapter of your life. My door is always open. Call me anytime you need me, night or day. For what it's worth Edward, I'm really proud of the progress you've made over the past month. Let's plan to meet next week. Sound good?"

"Sounds great Dr. Kym. I'll make my appointment on the way out."

I felt much much better walking out of her office. It's amazing how something as simple as vocalizing your feelings can be so cathartic. I was in a much better mood for the rest of the day. Jasper was in the room when I got home and I decided it was time to be open and honest with him.

"Hey Jasper, sorry about yesterday. Didn't mean for you to walk into a powder keg when the fuse was already lit."

"No worries man, Alice told me a little of what was going on. But only the basics. I'd rather wait until you are 100% ready before I know all the gory details. But I will admit, I did get a thrill out of seeing tiny Alice ready to fight. She is a firecracker."

I couldn't help but laugh. No one would expect that type of action from my sister.

"Yeah, Alice is a force to be reckoned with if you mess with her family. Jasper...I think I'm ready to talk. If you are willing to listen. But the same rules apply. Please don't tell anyone, especially Bella. That's a conversation that I need to have with her personally."

"Doesn't leave this room."

So I spent the next hour or so telling him about how Jessica and I met, how our relationship started, how it ended, and the fallout from it all. It wasn't as hard to talk to Jasper as I thought it would be. He was a great listener and offered some pretty sound advice.

"Don't let Jessica continue to push you into that place you don't want to be. If you allow her to do that to you, she wins regardless. Keep your head up. Remember, you have friends who are more than willing to support you through this. I will say that she seems very persistent, so I'm pretty sure you haven't seen the last of her."

"Don't I know. I don't know how many 'fuck offs' it will take before she gets it. I mean, what will it take to get her to back off and leave me alone. I have no idea how to deal with her in that respect."

"Well then you need to learn to speak girl language, no words involved." He smiled mischievously.

"What do you mean by that?" He had my full attention now.

"Well let's look at it from Jessica's perspective, and keep in mind, she seems a little obsessed with you. If she's been watching you then she has seen a sad, depressed, lost, hurt, lonely, non functioning man since the two of you broke up. So in her mind, you are all of those things because you aren't with her anymore. You haven't dated, you haven't exactly been the social butterfly, you spend most of your time buried in a book or engrossed in other school related activities, you aren't living the life of a normal college student. You are these things because you no longer have her in your life and she thinks she can fix it all, if you would just take her back."

"But that's a load of shit. Yes I've gone through all of those things but not because I'm not with her, but because I was. Because of what she did."

"I know that, but if she is convinced that she still loves you, she is going to take what she can and convolute it to fit what her mind needs to believe. Basically she is going to see things that aren't really there, just to suit her purpose."

"Okay, well how do I 'speak girl' then?"

"Easy, start going out, having fun...and the ultimate fuck you would be dating. Words don't seem to phase her so you need to get your point across to her through your actions."

"I'm not ready to date."

Jasper looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smirk across his face that I swear looked just like Alice.

"Is that the truth Edward? Are you not ready to date or are you afraid the girl you want to date isn't ready?"

He had me there. But how the hell did he know? He took in my slack jaw expression and continued.

"Come on dude, we can all see what's happening between you and Bella. You both can pull the 'just friends' shit all you want, but you can't hide it from us. You two like each other...a lot."

"You've been talking to my sister I see."

"Actually, I haven't. I'm not blind, neither are our friends. We haven't been around you and Bella that much but it isn't hard to see what's happening. You two gravitate towards one another whenever you are together. It's almost like we can see the pull that you two share. There is definitely something passing between you two, whether either of you will acknowledge it or not. But I'll lay off for now. How about just recruit your _friend _Bella into helping you. Explain the situation, well as much as you are comfortable with. I have no doubt that she'd help you out."

I chose to ignore his thoughts on what was developing between me and Bella and instead focus on his plan.

"I'll think about it, but first, what kinds of things would she need to help me out with?"

"Nothing major, just hanging out in public together. The campus isn't that big, so you are bound to be in places that Jessica could see you. Maybe a little hand holding, a hug here and there, a kiss on the cheek. Whatever Bella is comfortable with. Plus it may help the two of you see what the rest of us already do." He said suggestively.

"You are evil Jasper."

I spent the rest of the day thinking over the things that Dr. Kym and I talked about as well as the conversation I had with Jasper. I wasn't sure about his 'girl language' theory but at least it would give Bella and I something funny to talk about in the morning. It was such a stressful day and I was so exhausted that I found myself falling asleep over my anatomy book. I packed it away, sent Alice a quick text letting her know I was okay, and then got ready for bed. Tomorrow was going to be a good day, I just had a feeling.

**BPOV**

I hate getting woken up from a peaceful slumber by that stupid beeping of the alarm clock, but I knew I had no choice.

True to her word, Alice was up bright and early with me. I didn't question anything she said this morning and just went with it. It made things so much easier. Alice already had everything waiting on me when I emerged from the shower. Even had a cup of tea sitting on my desk.

"Thanks Alice."

"No problem. I'm just glad you aren't giving me a hard time this morning."

"Like you said, I'm learning. But can I at least ask why you felt the need to get up this morning and get me ready?"

"I just have a feeling today is going to be a good day. I just want you to feel confident today. You are going to be even more stunning than you usually are when I'm finished with you this morning."

"Whatever you say Alice."

"When are you going to wake up and really see yourself? Don't believe me, just watch my brothers reaction to you this morning. Oh don't give me that look. I know you two are just 'friends' but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate each others looks." She smirked. "And just so you know, I'm not buying this 'friends' things. But we won't talk about it right now, you have to leave in a little bit. Not enough time to devote to the topic this morning."

I just nodded and left it alone. It was somewhat chilly outside and I was glad that Alice picked something out that was weather appropriate, even if it was something I'd never thought to wear myself. Laying on my bed was a blue cashmere sweater dress that stopped about two inches above my knee. She paired it with a pair of charcoal colored leggings, black boots that came mid calf, and finished it off with a matching belt that she cinched low on my hips. After the outfit was complete, she moved on to accessories. She pulled out a gorgeous silver chocker, silver bangle bracelets, and silver hoop earrings from her jewelry box. I was definitely feeling out of my comfort zone but even I could admit I looked good. She curled my hair slightly, just enough to give it some bounce and finished off the entire look with very light make up. Alice really knows what she's doing.

"So do you feel beautiful and confident yet?"

"Yes, Alice. I think I do. I'm not even afraid of these boots you put me in."

She laughed before running to my desk and grabbing my bag. She glared at the offending object in her hand before thrusting it at me.

"This bag is hideous Bella, but we'll talk about that later too. You're running late. You need to get going." She stated as she literally pushed me out of the door.

"Meet me for lunch. Same time, same spot. I just know we are going to have lots to talk about." She yelled at me as she closed the door.

I couldn't help but notice the stares I received as I made my way to the coffee shop. I was anxious to see Edward. I knew Alice told me that he was fine, but I knew until I saw him with my own eyes, I would continue to be worried about him. I hated that such a wonderful day was ruined for him. He seemed to come to life right before my eyes while we were in the practice room. He's smile was even more breath taking and his laughter made my heart skip a beat. _Friends Bella...focus...friends. _I kept chanting to myself. I had to stop myself from running to meet Edward. I may feel comfortable walking in these boots, but running in them would almost certainly cost me a trip to the ER. I may not be nearly as clumsy as I once was but there is no reason to push it.

The coffee shop was already filing up with the morning rush and I found myself hoping that Edward had already beaten the crowd and found us a table. I walked in and immediately scanned the shop for him. What I saw stopped me dead in my tracks. Edward was sitting at a table with his hands wrapped around the wrist of a somewhat pretty brunette with curly hair. I found myself getting very upset at the scene before me. I was getting ready to walk out of the shop when Edward's head jerked up and our eyes met. Wow, talk about reverse deja vu.

I took a moment to really assess what was going on. The last time this happened, it nearly cost us our budding friendship. I have no claim on Edward. I shouldn't get upset that he has his hands on another female. But upon further inspection I could tell that Edward was distressed. His eyes gazed pleading into mine. My eyes shifted down to where they were joined and I instantly realized that he wasn't holding on to her, he was prying her hands off of him.

Something in me snapped. I needed to get this girl away from Edward. It was pretty damn obvious that he didn't want her touching him. I straightened my back, picked my head up, pushed my shoulders back, and walked purposefully towards his table. I was thanking Alice with every step that she dressed me this morning because I was exuding confidence. Edward's eyes never left mine. I swear it felt like he was drinking me in.

As I approached the table I could hear Edward talking to the girl.

"Jessica, I've asked you to leave me alone several times. I have nothing to say to you. Leave me the hell alone." I could hear the venom in his voice as he spoke to her.

So this was the infamous Jessica. I didn't know all the details but I knew she had hurt Edward, and that just wasn't acceptable. I don't know where my sudden boldness came from but I just went with it.

I walked up to the table, completely ignoring her, planted myself in Edward's lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. This shocked even me...there was no hesitancy or anxiety. But it felt natural.

"Good morning sweetie. I missed you last night." I purred in what I hoped was a seductive voice as I kissed the side of his neck.

I think I managed to put him in shock because he didn't speak. Instead I heard a cough interrupt us.

"Who the hell is this, Edward." She was shooting daggers in my direction.

Edward still seemed unable to form a thought so I took care of introductions.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you sitting there. My name is Bella. I didn't mean to interrupt your meeting. Edward, you should have told me you were meeting with your study partner this morning." I glanced up at him. He seemed to snap back to reality at that moment.

"No problem love, she isn't my study partner and you aren't interrupting anything." He smiled at me. I was thankful he was playing along and didn't throw my off of him.

"The hell she isn't. If you would excuse us Bella, me and Edward have some unfinished business to take care of."

"Jessica, I've told you to leave me alone. How much more clearly do I need to state it for you to get it. There is nothing left for us to talk about. Please leave. Bella and I have plans this morning. Plus, I'm pretty positive you don't want to get into this now. Even if I had anything left to say to you, this is not the time nor the place." Edward stated in a very cool and calm voice.

"What's wrong Eddie, trying to get away before your friend here figures out who I am to you?"

I'd reached my limit with her and decided to go in for the kill.

"Oh, I know who you are, Jessica. Edward has told me all about you, and from the looks of it, he was right. You are pathetic. Don't you know when to give up. You'll never have him back. He isn't yours anymore. You are nothing to him. And just for the record...I'm not just his friend...and I'm the only one that is allowed to call him Eddie."

She gaped at us, struggling for words. I took her moment of silence to make our break. I stood up from Edward's lap, instantly missing the contact, and he followed grabbing his bag and the two cups that were sitting on the table. He handed me one of the cups and smiled.

"Ready to go babe?" I asked as I laced our fingers together.

"More than ready." He replied as he lowered his head and placed a kiss on my cheek.

Jessica was fuming by this time and all she could manage to do was glare at us. I knew she'd be back, that she wouldn't give up, but at least I managed to get Edward out of this situation without him getting hurt again. Mission accomplished.

We walked out of the coffee shop hand in hand and didn't stop or speak until we made it to the music building. My boldness was wearing off I started to blush as I recalled how forward I was with Edward. What if he didn't appreciate that? I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. That was very inappropriate of me. I shouldn't have invaded your personal space the way I did." I looked at him, hoping he could see how truly sorry I was for possibly upsetting him.

"Bella, you did nothing wrong. Feel free to invade my personal space anytime you see that bitch around. Thank you for that. I swear, it's like you were reading my mind." He said as his crooked smile graced his face.

I couldn't help but breath a sigh of relief that he wasn't upset with me. I also felt giddy that he had given me permission to practically maul him if Jessica was around. _Friends Bella...just friends. _This is becoming my new mantra. I shouldn't be having these feelings for my friend Edward.

"Reading your mind? How so?"

He laughed before launching into his story of his run in with Jessica and his subsequent talk with Jasper. I had tears streaming down my face as he told me about Jasper's theory on 'girl language' although I had to admit, he was on to something. I knew Edward was leaving out major plot details but I also knew that in time, he would trust me enough to let me into his life a little more, or at least I hoped he would.

We were having a great time discussing Jasper's theory when Edward suddenly got quiet and he appeared to be nervous.

"What's wrong Edward?"

"Well...Jasper had some suggestions about how to 'speak' to Jessica in a way that she would comprehend. He thinks that I need to show her that I don't want her, that I've moved on. He suggested that I hang out more, start acting more my age, and even suggested dating. He thinks that if she sees me having a good time with my friends, and especially enjoying the company of the opposite sex, she might get the picture."

My heart nearly stopped. I didn't want Edward to date anyone. If he started dating then we wouldn't get to spend time together and I was starting to value our time together more than just about anything.

"So...you're going to start dating?"

"Nope. I don't want to date. I told this much to Jasper, so he gave me another suggestion."

"Which is?"

"Well, he suggested...ummm...well exactly what you did this morning, you know, acting like we are part of a couple when we're in public so she'll see us if she's around. I know it seems childish but nothing else is working. No matter how many times I tell her to leave me alone and that I want nothing to do with her, she keeps coming back. I'm really starting to agree with Jasper. If she thinks I'm dating again, maybe then she'll realize that I really do mean it when I tell her to stay away and that I don't want her anymore. The thing is, I don't want to date and I don't want to pretend with someone I barely know. So Jasper suggested that I talk to you about it and see what your thoughts on the subject were."

"So, he suggested that we pretend to date? What does that entail?"

"Well, I guess mostly what you did this morning. But nothing that you are uncomfortable with."

This was very intriguing to me, however juvenile it was. I knew I was setting myself up for potential heartbreak, but I wanted her to stop hurting Edward and if this would get her to back off, then I'd risk it. Everyone was always telling me to take chances so here's me jumping off the cliff and hoping I don't break when I hit the bottom.

"I think I could help you out with that. But we have to let our friends in on this though."

"Are you sure Bella. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this for me, like you are being used. I'm sure I can figure out another way to get her to leave me alone. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize it's a bad idea. I don't want to involve you in this. You don't need to be the target of her wrath. I won't allow her to hurt you too."

"Edward, relax. I really don't mind. That's what friends do, we help each other out when they are faced with a problem, and from what I've seen and heard, she is a major problem. Oh and just so you know, I only know what you've told me about the situation. I don't want you to think that Alice broke your confidence or anything."

"I trust Alice and Bella, it isn't that I don't trust you, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. We are still getting to know one another and for now, I just want to stick to the positives. Which brings me back to this crazy ass plan of Jasper's. Really Bella, I don't want you to get involved."

"Well, how about this. We don't have to pretend we are dating. We spend a lot of time together as it is. And I have a feeling that we'll be spending even more time together from now on since you've met the group. How about we just keep our eyes open and if we notice she is lurking around, we'll be sure to send her a message. You won't be using me, I'm offering. I can be like your shield, you know, blocking all her advances. I only have one condition, we have to tell our friends. Especially Alice. They can help us keep our eyes open for her too."

He laughed and after a little more assurances that I was truly okay with it, he finally agreed. I reminded him about supper tonight before we parted ways, he to his first class of the morning and me to my lesson with Dr. Smithwick. While I was waiting outside of her office, I shot a quick text to Alice.

_Definitely have a lot to talk about. You were right._

_~Bella_

She texted me back not ten seconds later.

_I usually am. The tides are changing my dear friend._

_~Alice_

I've said it before and I have a feeling I'll say it a lot more often...damn cryptic pixie!!!

My lesson with Dr. Smithwick went perfectly. She really is becoming a wonderful mentor. She mentioned the dinner she was planning for us the following week and asked if I'd talked to Edward about it yet. Of course, with all the excitement of the morning, I had completely forgotten but made a mental not to talk to him tonight over dinner. Before leaving her office, Dr. Smithwick pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. I opened it and then looked at her in shock.

"It's for your birthday Bella."

"Dr. Smithwick, you really didn't have to do this. This is too much. You've already given me tickets to see Yo Yo Ma."

"Bella dear, those tickets were freebees. Think nothing of it. I gave you this because I wanted to. I know you haven't had a chance to hear them play and they really are wonderful."

She had given more four tickets to see the Seattle Symphony Orchestra in December.

"I know the concert date is a few months away, but their Christmas arrangements are always spectacular and they sell out of their tickets pretty quickly. They haven't gone on sale yet, but I know people. I want you to take some of your friends with you and enjoy the night." She stated as she smiled at me.

"Thank you so much." It seemed like so little to say for such a thoughtful and perfect present. I couldn't stop myself as I threw my arms around her neck.

She squeezed me before letting go.

"I hope you have a wonderful birthday Bella and enjoy the surprise your friends are putting together. I can't wait to hear all about it." I had told her about hurricane Alice on Tuesday.

My morning classes seemed to take forever as I was anxious to get to lunch so I could talk to Alice. Right before my last morning class was released, I got a text message from Alice.

_Sorry Bella. I have to meet with my advisor unexpectedly. Jasper and Edward are going to join you for lunch. I'll see you later and yes I know I have to hit the store._

_~Alice_

_No worries. I'll keep the girls away from Jasper for you. Let me know if you can't make it to the store. I can always stop._

_~Bella_

_Thanks wingman. I owe you. No girls are allowed within ten feet of him._

_~Alice_

So I made my way to the food court and waited for Jasper and Edward to arrive. Just as I suspected, they drew the attention of nearly every female in the place. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as they made their way to me. I was surprised when Edward pulled me into a hug and planted a kiss on the top of my head.

"Bella, please forgive me. I never got a chance to tell you how beautiful you look today." He said as his eyes traveled up and down the length of my body.

Yep, there goes that crazy blush again. Did I mention my knees nearly disappeared from under me. I just stared at him like some star struck crazy fan girl before Jasper broke the spell.

Jasper just laughed while looking at us knowingly.

"I see Operation Jessica Fuck Off is in full swing."

I couldn't help but laugh at him and neither could Edward. Apparently Edward had already filled Jasper in on the events of the morning. He seemed pretty smug that his idea was being used, even if in a modified version. Of course when I mentioned Alice, he froze up, not really sure how she would take this little scheme of ours. We chatted about nothing of consequence for the rest of lunch and then said our goodbyes as we all headed off in different directions. I reminded them it was taco night tonight and not to be late because Jake and Emmett were likely to eat everything if they were.

The rest of the day passed by quickly and before I knew it, I was standing in the kitchen, preparing supper for my friends. Alice remembered to pick up everything that was needed and Emmett brought over the blender and was in our suite making margaritas for us all.

"So Bella, are you excited about the weekend?" Angela asked as I was browning the taco meat.

"I guess. I'm not really used to surprises and I'm especially not used to people making such a big deal over my birthday. I feel bad that Alice has done all of...well whatever it is that she had done."

"Nonsense Bella. I live for this kind of thing." Alice answered as she made her way over to the counter to start shredding cheese.

"Besides, it's time we all got out and had a little fun." The twinkle in her eye never went away.

Ten minutes later, everyone was present and accounted for, the food was on the table, and Emmett was serving up the green goodness. Not much talking was happening due to the massive amounts of food that was being consumed.

I quickly learned that all the boys could put away large quantities of food. Good thing we only cooked once a week or we'd go broke trying to feed everyone. After we finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, we decided to play some rock band. Jake's set ended up staying in our common room permanently since Emmett already had the game. Those two were really enjoying rooming together. Since Emmett was an upper classman, he was able to get his own suite. They didn't have to share with anyone.

Before we got into our game, Edward and I decided it was time to let the rest of the group in on our ploy. He told everyone a little about Jessica, nothing more than she was an ex girlfriend who cheated on him. He also told them about the confrontation he had with her on Tuesday, and letting everyone know that his sister had Rocky tendencies. I wrapped it all up by telling everyone what happened this morning. Alice was ecstatic that her outfit had done it's job.

"See I told you Bella." Was all she managed to say through her grin.

Jasper decided to fill in everyone on his theory of 'girl language', and everyone had pretty much the same reaction I did..to laugh until they cried and then finally saw the wisdom in his words. He was a strategist, that was for sure. Surprisingly Alice thought it was a great idea, as did the rest of the group. I noticed that all the girls had the same look in their eyes and all the guys were wearing the knowing smirks. I'd definitely be asking them about that later.

After a hour or so of rock band, Edward had to head back to study and Jasper went with him. I still hadn't had a chance to invite him to dinner with Dr. Smithwick. At least I'd be seeing him this weekend. Jake and Em left not long after leaving us girls all to our own devices. Of course all they wanted to talk about was the situation with Edward.

"Nice work Bella. I like your game." Rose stated.

"What are you talking about Rose. I'm just helping him out."

"Sure, whatever you say." Angela chimed in.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Can you honestly say the thought of seeing what it would be like to be 'with' Edward hasn't crossed your mind?" Alice raised her eyebrow at me.

Of course my traitor blush chose to appear.

"See, I'm right." She smirked.

"Damn it Alice. Fine, but who wouldn't have those thoughts about your brother? He's smart, funny, caring, talented, and yeah, he's hot. So of course that went through my mind."

"Just admit it Bella, you like him...and not just as a friend. I don't know why you two just won't fess up to each other." Rose stated in a huff.

"Rose, right now, a relationship just wouldn't work between us. There is too much about my past he needs to know and I have a feeling the same is true for him. Until then, friends we stay." I left it at that.

Alice however, wouldn't.

"Bella, I think that's a wise decision but don't be so blinded to what's right in front of you. I'll leave you alone for now, but I do want to thank you for helping my brother. That bitch really did a number on him and in the past after a confrontation with her, he basically barricaded himself in his room. But today, you really helped him and I'm really glad he has a _friend_ like you." I couldn't help but notice the emphasis she placed on the word friend.

"Okay, enough about this. I have a busy day tomorrow and from what I gather a busy weekend, so let's hit the bed ladies." I knew mentioning the weekend would wipe the topic of me and Edward from their heads.

"I'm so excited. I can't wait for the weekend to start. And Bella, I've already picked out all your outfits and all the plans have been made. All you have to do is show up, look gorgeous, and have fun." Alice was literally bubbling over with excitement.

"Now, off to bed. We don't want to have dark circles and bags under our eyes this weekend." Alice stated as if she were commanding her troops.

"Night everyone."

I made my way to our room, pulled on my pj's, grabbed my iPod, and finally crawled into bed. For once, I was actually getting excited about my birthday, but I wasn't quite prepared to admit it to my hyper best friend who was still bouncing up and down on the bed next to me.

"Good night Alice."

"Night Bella. It's going to be a wonderful weekend. I promise, this will be a birthday you will never forget."

"I know...never bet against Alice."

"Young grasshopper, you have learned."

**A/N: Bella's birthday weekend is up next. I know some of you are getting anxious and for Edward and Bella to get together, I promise it's coming. **

**Who has plans to see New Moon this weekend? Funny story, I'm actually going to see it three times. I had plans to go with a group of people and for one reason or another, the group kept getting smaller, so I was invited to go with multiple groups...and I said yes to all of them!!!!**

**You know the drill. I like reviews. The more I get, the drunker Bella will get at her birthday party.........**


	26. Chapter 26: Happy Birthday

**A/N: First of all, let me apologize for taking forever to post this chapter. What can I say...life got in the way. First of all, I had a hard time writing this chapter and I'm not really sure why. I had a house full of company for Thanksgiving, my daughter's birthday was the week after Thanksgiving, my husband left for Italy the day after her birthday, and work has been kicking my ass. Once I actually had some time to sit down and write, I couldn't stop, so this is a long chapter. **

**I still don't think it's that great and I haven't had a chance to proof read it a million times so I apologize for any errors, but I wanted to go ahead and post it so I could move on to the next chapter. **

**lms442...Sorry this wasn't up on Sunday like I hoped...but better late than never. Don't give up on me.**

**Hope you all enjoy!!!!**

**Chapter 26: Happy Birthday **

**EPOV**

"Damn son, I never thought you'd actually take me seriously enough to talk to Bella."

Jasper and I were meeting Bella for lunch since Alice had a last minute meeting with her advisor. I was telling Jasper that Bella was in but hadn't told him about the events of the morning yet.

"Well Jasper, it was much easier to bring up the topic seeing as how she went completely territorial on Jessica this morning." I laughed remembering the look on Jessica's face when Bella sat in my lap.

"What do you mean?"

"I was waiting for Bella this morning at the coffee shop and the she devil herself appeared and sat down and tried to talk to me....AGAIN. I swear she is the dumbest person I know. How many times do I have to tell her to leave me the fuck alone? Anyhow, after a few minutes of trying to get Jessica to leave, she reached over and grabbed my hand. I swear I almost hit a woman, but Bella saved the day. I looked up and saw her watching us and for a second I thought she was going to run away, but she got this look of determination in her eyes and she surprised the hell out of me."

"Oh this sounds good." Jasper stated making me feel like a gossiping old woman.

"It was good. She marched right over to us...did I mention how hot she looked. Hey, I can say a friend looks hot. I'm sure you'll agree after you see her." I said in response to that damn smirk Jasper was wearing.

"As I was saying...she marched right over to the table, completely ignoring Jessica, sat right in my lap and planted a kiss right on my neck. I thought Jessica was going to have a coronary, hell I almost had one. She started coughing to get our attention, but damn, I couldn't speak. She had shocked me into silence. So Bella introduced herself and then blew Jessica off, calling her my study partner. Of course Jessica flipped out and tried to make it sound like she and I were something more. When Bella heard me finally say Jessica's name, she went off on her telling her she knew exactly who she was and that she was pathetic and even said that she'd never have me again. Man, she looked like a ferocious tiger. I'll admit it, she was sexy as hell."

Jasper couldn't hold in his laughter anymore.

"Our shy little Bella did that?"

"Man, I'm not even finished. Jessica actually called me Eddie and referred to Bella as being just my friend. Apparently that didn't sit well with Bella because she said, and I quote.... 'I'm not just his friend...and I'm the only one that is allowed to call him Eddie' before pulling me out of the chair, calling me babe, and completely dismissing Jessica. It was priceless."

And it was. I was in awe of my beautiful, sexy as hell, fierce _friend _this morning. I just hope she didn't feel how much she affected me while sitting on my lap. Damn it Edward...just friends. _Yeah, keep telling yourself that._ Shut up. There goes the inner monologue again.

We met Bella for lunch and when Jasper saw her, he gave me a slight nod, acknowledging that she did indeed look hot. I smirked at him. She did a great job at keeping the girls away from Jasper...guess the pixie assigned her to bodyguard duty. After briefly discussing the current situation with Jessica, conversation was light, just talking about random everydayness. I attempted to pay attention in my afternoon class but that proved to be very difficult. All I could think about was the way Bella handled the situation this morning. I just hope Jessica doesn't decide to target her in some way.

That night we all met at the girls place for supper. It was taco night. Good thing Bella likes to cook because it takes a lot to feed this crew. I was actually getting excited about the weekend. Alice still hadn't told me the details of Bella's birthday but if I knew my sister, it would be a weekend we wouldn't soon forget. I just hope Bella likes the birthday present, well presents, that I bought for her. And there she is again, invading my near constant thoughts. Maybe everyone was right. Are Bella and I trying so hard to be 'just friends' that we are missing what everyone else sees? That's a huge possibility.

Jasper pulled me out of my thoughts as we were walking back to the dorm.

"Edward...is everything okay?"

"Sorry man, just lost in my thoughts."

"Bella?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Pretty much." He grinned.

"Look Edward, I know you say the two of you are just friends, but I think you two are kidding yourselves."

I had to laugh.

"That's actually what I was just thinking about. I was throwing around that idea that we are trying so hard to 'just be friends' that we are missing what all of our friends are claiming to see."

"I think we are having a breakthrough...."

"I'm serious. Okay, so I admit, I could definitely be more than friends and I know I want to be, but I'm....I'm....fuck it, I'm scared...okay."

"What are you scared of? I know what you faced in the past, but you have to know, Bella isn't like that. Anyone can see that she'd never be that type of person."

"Well I never thought Jessica would be either, but it's more than that. I know something really fucked up happened to her. And this is probably selfish on my part and also the pot calling the kettle, but until I know what happened, I don't want to push anything. Plus, before I ever get into another relationship, I have to be completely honest about my past and the issues it has caused for me. Right now I just feel like both Bella and I could use a friend and nothing more. Does that make sense?"

"Total sense. You shouldn't pursue something until you are one hundred percent certain that it is the right thing for you."

"I'm just really enjoying being around her and I don't want to screw that up right now by thinking with the wrong part of my anatomy."

"Leave it to the med student to get all technical instead of just saying dick." Jasper laughed, successfully lightening the mood.

"So I guess we are all booked up for the weekend...Has Alice told you what the plans are?"

"Yep, and before you ask, I value my...dick way too much to tell you. She is convinced you'd spill to Bella and we all know all she would have to say is please and you'd tell her anything. Just be where Alice tells you, at the time she tells you, wearing what she has already picked out for you."

He knew my sister well.

**BPOV**

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to our bitch...Happy Birthday to you!!!!"

And so it begins. Of course the change of lyrics actually made me laugh at....what the hell.

"Girls, what the fuck???? Seriously, was it really necessary to get me up this early?"

Alice, Angela, and Rose all jumped on my bed and fell on top of me.

"Of course it is. We have to get you ready and then the surprises begin. Plus, you promised not to complain so just go with it." Alice stated with a gleam in her eye. She had me there.

"Fine. What do I need to do first?"

"Go take your shower and then we'll take care of the rest."

Stepping in the shower, I froze. I'm turning 20 today...and Elizabeth will never will. This is something that I think about every birthday, holiday, and milestone occasion. I can feel the tightening of my chest and the tears start to flow. _Not today_, I say to myself. I know I need to get myself under control but nothing is working, so I suck it up and yell for Alice.

"Come on Bella, you promised no com...." she stopped as soon as she saw the look on my face.

"Sweetie, what's wrong? Rose, bring me a bottle of water! Bella...I want you to take deep breaths, here give me your hand."

She took my hand and placed it on her chest so I could feel the rhythm of her breathing. Only then did it dawn on me that I was butt naked.

"Oh fun, want to make it a threesome. Try something new on your birthday?" Rose looked at us and winked.

That did it. I burst out laughing. Rose handed the bottle of water to me before walking out of the bathroom.

"Are you okay? Do I need to shower with you?" Alice was completely serious, which only made me laugh more.

"No, I'm okay, I promise. I swear, Emmett is severely rubbing off on her."

"Bella..."

"Really, Alice. I'm fine now. We'll talk about it when I get out."

"Okay, but I'm going to sit by the door in case you need me."

Once she walked out, I adjusted the temperature of the water and stepped in. I chastised myself, knowing this happens every time I have those thoughts. This one wasn't nearly as bad as they have been in the past though. Usually I just make myself work through them, but having Alice there and then Rosalie, well I guess I'm learning that letting others in doesn't make me weak.

After washing, conditioning, and shaving all important parts, I hopped out of the shower and threw on a nice fluffy robe and slippers that Alice bought for me. I felt like I was wrapped up in a cloud. I could seriously fall asleep in this thing.

"All better?" Rose asked as we walked into the room.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. Side effects." I said as I forced a small smile.

"Well the next time you decide to invite these two to join you in the shower, I better damn well get an invite as well." Angela said with a grin, causing me to nearly fall off the chair Alice had forced me into.

"You guys are awesome. Again, sorry about that. I always have a hard time during birthdays, holidays, well any occasion that is important in a person's life. Elizabeth will never get to experience her 20th birthday. It makes me feel terribly guilty. But before you say anything, I know I can't blame myself. But that doesn't mean I can't be sad for the life my friend lost and the time that her friends and family will miss out on."

They all nodded with tears hovering at the corners of their eyes. My own tears were about to fall when my phone chirped. I recognized the ring tone immediately...and smiled. 'Take Another Little Piece of My Heart' rang out.

"Hey mom."

"Happy Birthday baby girl!!! I didn't wake you up did I?"

"Oh no, trust me...Alice, Rosalie, and Angela beat you to that. They thought a Bella sandwich was the way to go this morning...I've already had a shower and now dress up begins."

She laughed, knowing my friends all too well for someone who has never met them.

"Well sweetie, Phil and I wish we were there. We miss you so much baby. I just wanted to talk to you this morning and to also tell you that you're birthday present should be there sometime today."

"I miss you guys too mom. Maybe you and Phil can get away for a long weekend sometime."

"We'll check our calendars. Well baby, you go have lots of fun today. I miss you and love you bunches."

"Love you too mom. Bye."

I missed my mom dearly and I knew she missed me, but I just couldn't make myself plan any trips to Phoenix. I wasn't ready for that. I've been doing so well and just don't want any setbacks.

Before I could say anything, my phone rang again.

"So it begins...." I stated. But this time everyone in the room was laughing.

"Really...'I Shot the Sheriff', that's some crazy shit Bella." Rose was shaking her head at me.

I smiled as I answered the phone.

"Hey dad!!!"

That phone call went just like the one with my mom. After the brief talk with my dad, Alice got to work...well they all got to work. Angela was working on drying my hair, while Alice and Rose were going through my closet, picking out 'the perfect outfit' for me.

"So why are we up so early? I mean, after you have me all fixed up, we'll still have a lot of time before any of our classes."

"We're taking you to breakfast this morning...don't get excited, we only have time to hit the cafeteria, but hey, it's the thought that counts." Alice laughed.

I heard squealing behind me, letting me know that the perfect outfit had indeed been found. I didn't even turn around to look...I was a little bit scared. Alice decided I needed to wear my hair down with lose curls. Rose started on my make up while Alice was finishing up my hair. Angela was picking out the accessories.

I was glad that my make up was kept light. I didn't need blush, since that was a natural occurrence for me. My eyes had a silver shimmery look to them, but not too much for the daytime. Alice started jumping up and down, letting me know it was time to get dressed. The outfit was actually pretty perfect even if it was intimidating. I was really learning to live a little and not be so self conscious. On my bed was one of the tiniest denim miniskirts I had ever seen. I don't even remember buying it. It was paired with a tight long sleeved white shirt. There were a pair of white tights beside the skirt and the most awesome pair of grey boots I'd ever seen. When I put them on, my feet literally sighed, which surprised me, since they actually had a heel on them. It's not that I can't' walk in heels, but they aren't typically comfortable.

"Alice, where did you get these boots?"

"Oh, they are just something I had lying around...."

"Bullshit, we don't wear the same size and if you are in the habit of buying stuff that doesn't fit you, then you really have an addiction."

"Okay, you caught us. This is your first birthday present from the girls."

It was at that moment that I noticed what kind of shoes they were.

"Jimmy Choo's!!!! This better be the ONLY birthday present. My god, this is way too much!!!"

"Just enjoy, Bella. Oh, here, put this on. It's cool out today."

She handed me a grey short sleeved sweater/coat thingy that only had two buttons at the top. It flared open in the front, hitting my legs at around the same spot the skirt did. Angela walked over handing me a pair of silver dangly earrings and bangle bracelets. No necklace this time.

"Finished...and perfect." Alice said happily. She spun me around to the full length mirror and I gasped. I had to admit, I looked really nice.

"Wow, you three sure know how to make a girl feel good about herself." I smiled.

"Jeez Bella, it's not like we didn't have a great canvas to start off with. You're gorgeous without our help; we only enhanced what you naturally have." Rose huffed feigning agitation. But then she smiled and winked at me.

"Come on, breakfast awaits." Angela reminded us.

I grabbed my messenger bag and started out the door when I heard Alice shriek.

"Bella, put that hideous bag down...matter of fact...throw it away."

"Well dear Alice, what would you have me carry my books in?"

"This of course." She giggled as she went to her closet and pulled out a gift bag.

I took it hesitantly from her while giving her the stink eye.

"Alice, no more presents. You've already given me enough."

"Just open it."

Once again I was shocked, angry, and excited. I pulled out an awesome Prada messenger bag. I was angry because she had already spent a fortune on me and I had a feeling that more presents were coming, but I was excited because I really loved the bag.

"Alice, this is too much. But thank you so much!!! I LOVE it!!!"

"Pffff...I bought it just as much for me as you. I can't take another day of looking at that fugly bag." She grimaced and then smiled at me. "Plus Edward chipped in." She smiled.

I quickly swapped my stuff and we all headed to the cafeteria. I got a wonderful surprise when all the guys were waiting for us. Choruses of Happy Birthday rang out from them, but of course Jake and Em made it a contest to see who could yell it the loudest and embarrass me the most. They decided to add wolf whistles in between the happy birthdays. I caught Edward's eye and noticed he hadn't taken his eyes off me. This caused me to blush even more.

All the guys passed me around for hugs and birthday wishes. When it was Edward's turn, he held on a little longer than the others.

"You look beautiful today, Bella." And I swear I heard him inhale...like he was sniffing me.

"Thank you, oh and thanks for the bag. I really do love it." I said as I blushed again.

We all headed into the cafeteria and loaded up our trays with food. No one would open their lips about any of the plans for tonight or the weekend. After breakfast, I told everyone bye and started towards my class. Edward caught up with me and insisted he escort me. I didn't object. I even tried to pry out of him what we were going to do, but Alice covered her bases well...she hadn't told him much more than she'd told me. We were talking about our composition when I noticed someone glaring at us. Edward hadn't seen her yet.

"Edward..." I said, barely moving my lips. "We have an audience."

He knew exactly what I meant. He didn't even look around instead he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. We continued this way for the few steps it took us to reach the door of the building. He spun me towards him and wrapped his arms around me tightly, looking me in the eye, asking me silently if this was okay. I nodded.

He bent down and placed a feather light kiss on my lips. I thought my heart would explode. His lips lingered and I wanted to continue kisses those lips, but was pulled out of the moment by wolf calls....Jacob.

"Jake...don't you have class?" I asked annoyed.

"I'm supposed to, but the professor had a family emergency and canceled the class."

He gave Edward and I a wink before continuing. He, like the rest of our friends, knew what we were up to.

"So where is she?" And I could have sworn I heard him mumble…"or did you two finally wise up." But I ignored that.

I pointed her out to him in a way that no one would notice. He nonchalantly turned around and quickly mumbled.

"Shit, she looks pissed. Bells, how long is this class?"

"I'm just turning in an assignment today. So not long. Why?"

"I'm going to wait for you out here. I don't trust her. She is fucking glaring at you."

"I like that idea Jake. I'd wait for her, but I have an appointment with my advisor in ten minutes." Edward said.

After a quick goodbye, Edward took off and Jake walked in the building with me.

"So...." he started.

"Shut it Jake. You know what the deal is so leave it alone."

"Whatever you say Bells." He winked.

The rest of the day went by pretty slowly. Billy called to wish me a happy birthday and we had a nice conversation. I got choked up when he told me how much he missed me and Jake and that I was the daughter he never had. I was determined right then and there that Billy would be moving back to Washington. He was too far away.

I was just getting back to my room when my phone rang again. 'I'll be there for you' started playing, and as much as it hurt…I didn't answer the phone. It was Katie. Although thinking of her on birthdays, holidays, and special occasions wasn't as painful as thinking of Elizabeth…it still hurt. I couldn't help but think of all the things she would miss out on because of her disability. She never saw it that way, and most of the time I didn't either, but the fact that she would never walk again, well that was always hard to take. I knew I needed to talk to her, but the selfish part of me decided to call her back later. I was having such a good day and no matter how much I missed Katie and really wanted to talk to her, I just didn't have the courage to answer the call.

A few minutes later my phone chimed letting me know I had a new voicemail. I decided to listen to it.

"_Happy Birthday Bella!!! I miss you so much. I wish I were there with you to celebrate today. Jake told me about what your friends have planned for you…and I have to say, I'm quite jealous. I would really love to meet the gang that you two talk so much about. I know you are probably ignoring my phone calls because you irrationally feel guilty, but I forgive you silly girl and there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. Just promise to call me sometime this weekend and let me know how it all went. Oh and don't think you're going to get out of telling me about a certain someone named Edward…yes Jake has a big mouth. He's just as bad as old ladies when it comes to gossiping. Of course…he is pretty tight lipped when it comes to Angela, so I'm leaving it up to you to fill me in. I love you so much Bella. I hope you have a wonderful day. Don't sulk, don't feel guilty, enjoy life. It's what I want for you, it's what Elizabeth would want for you, but most importantly…it's what you should want for yourself. Happy Birthday!!!_

And now I officially feel like shit. She knows me too well. I promised myself that I would call her on Sunday and talk as much as she wanted to. I also decided that I wanted her to visit. I knew it would be easier for me to go see her…physically at least. But I knew she would understand that mentally, I wasn't ready to make a trip back to Arizona yet. And this made me feel even worse. Maybe I could talk Billy into letting Katie travel with him for Thanksgiving. My dad's house wouldn't accommodate a wheel chair…but the Cullen's house could. _Whoa Bella, slow down. You can't offer someone else's house. _I decided to revisit that topic at a later time.

I ended up working on a paper on music theory for a while. I was actually starting to enjoy that class. I also managed to get the outline for my next English paper completed. I had a feeling I wouldn't have much free time this weekend so I made the best of the time I had. Jake called around 3:00 to let me know he was on the way. I was able to move my appointment with Dr. Kym up so I wouldn't be so rushed afterwards. Alice was going to pick me up and immediately rush me back to the room to 'get you all dolled up' as she put it.

I really needed this appointment with Dr. Kym today. I hadn't told anyone and I had done my best for the past few weeks to hide things, but inside I was a mess. The situation with Edward was really getting to me. I was so conflicted. On top of that, I was trying to figure out how to tell my mom about not wanting to come back to Phoenix. To compound these issues, I was dealing with major guilt, guilt over Elizabeth and Katie. I really wanted to get it all off my chest before tonight. I wanted to enjoy what my friends had planned for me.

I met Jake in front of the dorm and he looked…worried.

"What's up Jake? You look like something is bothering you?"

"It's nothing Bells."

"I know when you are lying, now spill it."

"Fine…I'm worried about asking Angela out…officially."

"You mean you haven't done that yet?"

"Shut it Swan."

"Oh Jake…that girl thinks you walk on water and I have a feeling the feeling is mutual. Just go for it. Take the risk. I think you'll be well rewarded." I laughed. He knew this just as much as I did.

He got a gleam in his eye and I knew I was in for some Jacob wisdom.

"Thanks Bells…now why don't you take your own advice?"

"Shut it Black."

"Okay, okay. I'm just saying."

"I know what you're saying. It's the same thing everybody is saying. But I want you to listen to me and listen to me good because I'm only going to say this to you one more time. Yes, I'm attracted to Edward, yes I think he is a wonderful person, yes we have a lot in common, yes I think there could be something more than friendship between us, and yes I think we could be great together. BUT before I get involved with anybody, they have to know about my past. And in the case of Edward, I'm pretty certain there are things in his past that I need to know about as well. We will get there, but I'm not rushing this Jake. I like what we have now and I don't want to mess it up. I know that's a little hypocritical of me considering what I just told you, but I think my situation is different from yours."

"I know. Please don't be mad. It's your birthday. I'm sorry I upset you." He looked truly sorry.

"I'm not mad Jake, just…frustrated. Look, I like him more than I'm willing to admit even to myself sometimes, but I think that's why I'm being so cautious and careful. I'm frustrated because my head and my heart are at war with each other. My head tells me to be friends, take things slow...my heart, well that is telling me to just go for it. Trust me on this okay, I'm really scared Jake. I don't want to mess things up." He smiled at me sadly but I continue.

"Now…why have you been gossiping about my life with Katie???" I asked with a smug grin on my face.

"That little shit ratted me out." He laughed. "So did you talk to her today?"

"Not exactly. She left me a voicemail. I know, I'm a terrible friend but I didn't want another attack today. I had one this morning thinking about Elizabeth. But Katie knows me better than I know myself. Listen to her message."

He did and laughed again.

"She has your number, that's for sure."

"Jake, I miss her. I've been trying to plot ways to get her to Washington for Thanksgiving…even thought about seeing if your dad would travel with her. I want to see her, but I'm not ready to go back yet. I just don't know where she would stay. My dad's house isn't exactly wheelchair accessible."

"We'll think of something. Don't worry, I'd love to see her too. I miss her just as much as you do."

The air was getting heavy with unshed emotions so I changed the subject. I tried to pry out of him what the plans were for tonight, but he wouldn't speak a word of it, muttering something about a deranged psycho pixie who would have his balls. It was amusing how scared of Alice the guys were.

I walked into Dr. Kym's office, knowing it was going to be a hard session. I was getting ready to start the song I picked for today when she stopped me.

"Well first of all, Happy Birthday Bella. I hope you've had a great day so far."

I laughed and told her about my wake-up call this morning. And then informed her about all the secret plans my friends had come up with for the weekend. She got settled in her chair and I attached my iPod to her dock. She listened intently as the song played. I thought 'Underneath This Smile' expressed how I felt with so many of the situations I was dealing with.

_What I'm standing on is sinking in_

_And I don't have a clue how to get off of it_

_But when I look at you there is hope_

_It's like you see the sadness in my eyes_

_You read the blue between the lines_

_You could be the one to hold me when I wanna cry_

_Underneath this smile_

_My world is slowly caving in_

_All the while_

_I'm hanging on_

_Cause that is all I know_

_Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?_

_I've been hiding out for miles_

_Underneath this smile_

_I have walked this earth with broken bones_

_I've been keeping secrets under all these lights_

_But when you're around my defenses go_

_You don't let me run away from you_

_You don't let me twist and turn the truth_

_It feels as if I'm naked when you're standing in the room_

_Underneath this smile_

_My world is slowly caving in_

_All the while_

_I'm hanging on _

_Instead of letting go_

_Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?_

_I've been hiding out for miles_

_Underneath this smile_

_Underneath this smile_

_Oh, yeah_

_Underneath this smile_

_My world is slowly caving in_

_All the while_

_I'm hanging on _

_Instead of letting go_

_Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?_

_Underneath this smile_

_Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?_

_I've been hiding down for miles_

_Underneath this_

_Underneath this_

_Underneath this_

_Smile_

_Ohhh_

_What I'm standing on is sinking in_

I truly felt like I had been wearing a mask lately. There were so many emotions filtering through my system that I wouldn't let anyone see. So the facade I was standing on was certainly starting to sink. I felt that I was capable of losing it at any moment. But I felt like my new group of friends could save me from myself. Jake would always be there for me but having others there made things a lot easier. But I was still very conflicted about Edward.

"Dr. Kym, I woke up this morning planning to discuss a situation with you concerning the guy I met, Anthony…well turns out he is actually my roommates brother, Edward. But I need to talk about a lot more than that.

I told her about my panic attack this morning, followed by the phone call I ignored from Katie. I told her about the massive guilt I was shouldering. After I finished explaining the situation, she listened to the message and smiled.

"I think we'll start with the guilt issue. Your friend Katie is very perceptive and smart. You should listen to her." She smiled.

"I know. I feel guilty for what happened to them. I feel guilty that Katie can no longer lead the life she always dreamt about. I feel guilty that she is constantly reminded of that night. I feel guilty for not being a better friend. But mostly I feel guilty for actually living my life, pursuing my dreams, making new friends, moving on, trying to put the past behind me. I know it's not my fault that James did what he did, but sometimes I feel like I'm going to be literally crushed under the weight of all the guilt. It's getting better, so much better, but anytime there is a holiday or an occasion to celebrate, it all crashes back down. These are things that Elizabeth will never experience and although Katie can still experience them, the way she does will forever be altered."

"Bella this just shows that you are a genuinely caring and compassionate person. You are a strong person. For you to be able to recognize these feelings and not let them completely drag you under, well I'm proud of you. I know you feel guilt but at the same time you understand that this wasn't your fault and you cannot blame yourself for this." She smiled.

But there was something else bothering me too.

"But I feel weak, not strong. Katie has a wonderful outlook on life. She doesn't let what happened to her define who she is. She is the strong one. She is the one that is constantly encouraging me. I feel like a terrible friend because at times I do look at her differently and sometimes I pity her, which I know is the worst thing I could ever do. She would never want me to do that. She stays in the place where all this happened. I ran as soon as I could and I honestly don't think I am ready to go back. I've already spoken with my dad, but I want to spend holidays with him as well as summer. I've made great progress since I've been here and I don't want any setbacks. This all adds to the guilt I already feel. Sometimes I think I let fear run my life and I don't like the person that I'm becoming because of that fear."

"Can you explain that to me?"

"I always avoid, or at least attempt to avoid situations that may bring on panic, or thoughts of what happened, or any situation that I think I may can get hurt in, not physically, but emotionally. I don't even think that makes sense."

"It does. It's called self preservation, but I think you are taking it to extremes. It seems that you aren't allowing yourself to really live life because you are afraid of the consequences, that you are just going through the motions. Do you only do this when it involves people, places, or thoughts that you associate with Phoenix?"

I decide it's time to bring Edward into this discussion.

"No. I'm doing it with Edward too."

"How so?"

So I told her everything that happened in Forks and after. I explained to her how I feel around him. I even told her about the screwed up pretend 'relationship' we are in to get his ex to leave him alone. She frowned at this but didn't say anything.

"I think I agreed to that because I'm too scared to admit that I actually might want a real relationship with him. This way, at least I get to experience a small part of what it might be like."

She started tapping her pen on her chin before speaking.

"I'm going to be honest with you and this may come across as blunt and for that I apologize, but Bella you need to stop hiding behind your fears. You were correct when you stated that you let fear run your life, and that isn't healthy. I know you've come a long ways but you still let the fear of 'what ifs' dictate your life. Why didn't you answer your phone today when Katie called?"

"I didn't want to have another panic attack, or have to tell her about all the good things that have been happening in my life. I didn't want to feel guilty."

"Why don't you want to go back to Phoenix?"

"I'm scared of what it will do to me. I'm afraid all the months of therapy will disappear and I will revert back to the zombie state I was in for so long."

"Why haven't you talked to Edward about what you are feeling?"

"I'm afraid of rejection; that once he knows what happened to me he will see me differently, treat me differently, be different around me. I'm scared that I'll get my heart broken and although the hurt would be different from what I experienced in Phoenix, I don't know that I'm strong enough to be broken again, in any way."

"What exactly are you afraid of him finding out?"

This was always hard for me. James didn't rape me but he did take advantage...more than I even let myself remember.

"The sexual assault. The way he touched me and talked to me. I know he was planning to rape me. That's been one of the hardest things to get over. I'm a virgin who has been sexually assaulted and I don't know how I'll react once I'm in a physical relationship with someone."

"That's understandable Bella. You need to be up front and honest with whomever you decide to have a physical relationship with. If they know what you have been through and know your fears, you can work through things together. I'd like to talk more with you about this at another session."

"Thank you. I'm not up for it today."

She thought for a few minutes before continuing.

"I'm not saying that you don't have good reason for the way you act, as far as letting fear run your life, but you will eventually need to face those fears, especially the ones concerning your past. That will help you heal in a big way. Please don't think I'm saying you're weak or not making great progress because that isn't the case. Bella I know how strong you are. I know how far you have come. I keep in touch with Dr. Leslie and she is amazed with you. I just want you to be able to overcome this, not forget, but move on and not let it hold you back. If you can't move past the fear and guilty, you will never be able to overcome your past. You almost let it cost you your dream, don't let it cost you living your life too."

I sat there silently for a while, letting the tears fall down my face. They weren't sad tears, they were cleansing tears. I had finally voiced my fears and it actually made me feel better. As the tears fell down my face I thought about all the great things in my life. I thought about my new friends, my old friends, my parents, the support system I have been enveloped in. I realized that Katie was right. I needed to live my life, not just pass through it. Elizabeth would be disappointed in me if I just meandered through life. But most importantly, I need to do this for me. I knew I needed to let the fear of the unknown go and focus my energy on overcoming that fear. I felt as if the tears that were falling were talking away the guilty I've let build up, the uncertainty of the future, taking the fear away. I felt hope fill up the spaces that they once occupied.

It was almost like Dr. Kym could see a light bulb go off over my head.

"Ahhh, and now she gets it." She smiled a real smile.

"I think I do. I'm going to be okay." And for the first time since I first saw James, I honestly believed it.

I walked out of Dr. Kym's office with puffy red eyes. I immediately locked eyes with Alice, who was waiting for me outside. She looked frantic and ran towards me.

"Oh my god Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah Alice, for once in a very long time, I'm okay...well at least I know I'm going to be okay."

She pulled me into a bone crushing hug and kissed my cheek.

"Good, now let's go. I'm glad you moved up your appointment. It's going to take forever to get that puffiness out of your eyes." She laughed.

Leave it to Alice to make everything better. When we got in her car, I noticed lots of bags in the back seat.

"Ummm Alice, were you shopping?"

"Of course. We have to have awesome outfits for tonight and tomorrow."

"And you don't think there's enough in our closets to choose from."

"Oh please, this is a special occasion which required a special shopping trip. Just enjoy it. You promised, no complaining. Plus, you are going to love what I picked out for you."

"Will you at least let me pay you back? You've already given me way too much today. I don't want to take advantage of you Alice."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Of course you cannot pay me back. I do this because I want to. End of story. No complaining."

I sigh and turn up the radio. I'm never agreeing to her conditions again. They get me in trouble and in over my head.

"So, I'm not trying to be nosey, but did you have a good session?"

"I did. Had an epiphany of sorts. Fear runs my life. I let the fear of what ifs dictate what I do and don't do. Do you know I ignore Katie's phone calls because I'm happy and I don't want to feel guilty about being happy. So instead of talking to her, I ignore her. I refuse to go back to Phoenix out of fear that my progress will suffer a major set back. I tend to keep people at arms reach so I can't be hurt."

"But you aren't like that with the gang. And you have reason to fear."

"You and the gang are different. I can't explain it. And I know I have reason to fear but that isn't an excuse to let that fear rule my life. Katie is reminded every single moment of everyday about what happened, yet she faces it head on and loves life. She isn't bitter, she's just happy that she was given the chance to live. She's the strong one. I'm weak, but I'm working on it."

Alice smiled at me, mischievously before speaking.

"Is that why you won't pursue Edward?"

I take a minute to collect my thoughts before answering.

"Yes Alice. That's the reason. It goes a little deeper than fear, but I'm tired of hiding from what I feel. But with that said, I still stand by everything I said to you and the girls the other night. He needs to know about what happened with James just like I need to know the whole story of Jessica. Telling him about that is going to be hard, but telling him about the sexual assault...well I don't know if I'll make it through that, but he has to know. If and when we get to that point, then we'll see what happens."

I was surprised at her lack of response. I don't think I've ever seen Alice rendered speechless. She finally composes herself and squeals.

"That won't be long...trust me. And just to ease your mind. I know Edward and he would never hold the sexual assault against you. He won't look at you differently and he certainly won't think less of you. I know that's what your thinking."

"As if I'd ever bet against you." And that got a brilliant smile out of her.

On the way back to the dorm, I made Alice promise to keep my revelation between the two of us for the time being. I needed things to move at my pace. Not hers.

I was actually getting really excited about tonight and I never got excited over celebrating my birthday. But no matter what I said or did, Alice wouldn't budge. I had given up by the time we made it back to our room.

Angela and Rosalie had been busy while I was gone. The entire suite was decorated in balloons and banners. There was even a min bar set up in our common area. Apparently we were having cocktails before we left to go do...well whatever it was we were going to do.

"Shower Bella. We have less than an hour to get you ready before the guys show up. Pull your hair up in a bun. No need to wash it, you just did that this morning. Don't take forever, we are on a tight schedule."

Drill Sergeant Alice was back and in control. I jumped in and shaved all necessary parts, just to touch up, washed my face, and lathered up my body in this really awesome smelling bath wash that Alice bought for us. It made my skin feel silky and smooth. I jumped out of the shower, brushed my teeth, pulled on my robe and made my way to our room.

Alice was running around in her bra and panties. She had already picked out my undergarments as well. Although they were nothing like I was used to, they were really cute. She handed me an ice blue pair of lacy barely there panties and a matching strapless bra. The bra did wonders for my boobs.

"Put these on and sit down at the vanity. Rose...Angela...you can come in now."

They burst through the door in...surprise surprise...bra and panties.

"If only the guys could see this now. We'll have to be sure to mention this in some way tonight." I laughed.

"Hell yeah. Bells is breaking bad. First a threesome in the shower and now half naked pictures with the girls." Rose grinned.

"Hey, who has a camera?" Alice had to be kidding.

"Are you shitting me Alice?"

"Not at all Bella. This is a memory."

I cannot believe I actually let her take a picture of us, but hey, you only live once.

Alice got to work on curling my hair and Angela and Rose left to get dressed. Once my hair was to Alice's satisfaction, she pulled out two beautiful hair combs that each had sapphire stones on them. She pulled the sides of my hair up and attached the combs in a way that the only part that was visible were the sapphire stones. She went to her jewelry box and pulled out a gorgeous silver choker. She followed this up with diamond tear drop earrings and a matching tennis bracelet. I felt amazing...and I hadn't even put clothes on yet.

"Sit, I need to do your make up."

She kept it simple but made it more night time appropriate.

"Alice, If the accessories look this great, I can't imagine what you have picked for me to wear."

She walked to her closet and pulled out a garment bag. I didn't even want to see what name was on the outside of the bag. She unzipped the bag to reveal an ice blue strapless dress that was stunning. She helped me put the dress on and I was speechless. It was very form fitting and hugged my body like a glove. It fell about three inches about my knee and had a slight split on the left side.

"Do you like it?" Alice asked, sounding a little worried?

"I LOVE it!!!"

"Now, I'm not sure what shoes to give you to wear. I have an awesome pair of heels that would look divine with that dress but I don't know if you'll be comfortable in them."

She grabbed a shoe box out of her closet and lifted the lid off revealing a pair of strappy silver stiletto heels. She didn't know about my ability to walk in 'stripper shoes' (as my mom called them). I shocked the shit out of her when I grabbed them out of the box, put them on my feet, and started prancing around the room.

"You've got some explaining to do my dear friend. Where in the hell did you learn to walk in shoes like that?"

"We all have secrets. Maybe I'll tell you one day." I smirked.

"Well this little tidbit of information just changed my outfit ideas for the rest of the weekend. Hell for the rest of the year even. You really do look amazing Bella. Go check out the entire package."

I walked over to the mirror and had to do a double take. Wow.

"My brother isn't going to know what to do with himself tonight." She laughed.

She quickly got herself ready and we walked into the common room together. She looked amazing in a short green dress that hugged her figure at the top and flared at the bottom. Rose was wearing a knee length spaghetti strap red dress that worked perfectly on her. Angela had on a silky purple dress that had an asymmetrical hem line. They all look pretty stunning themselves.

"Damn girls, we look hot. I can't wait for the guys to get here." Rose was very excited.

Just as she finished that statement, there was a knock on the door. I started to answer the door but Alice shooed me away.

"Go stand over there Bella. This is your special occasion, you will not be answering doors."

She let the guys in and I think us girls were in just as much awe as the guys were. They all looked totally gorgeous. Jake was wearing a pair of black dress pants with a black dress shirt and a purple tie. Jasper wore a pair of charcoal grey dress pants with a white dress shirt and a tie that matched Alice's dress. Emmett's outfit was totally Emmett. He was wearing a red dress shirt that matched Rose's dress, a black tie, and his pants were black with red pinstripes running vertically. He pulled it off quite nicely. I'm glad I saved looking at Edward last because I stopped breathing. He was wearing dark grey dress pants, a white dress shirt and a blue tie that, ironically...matched my dress. Alice no doubt had a hand in that. His hair was in a state of perfect disarray. But what really took my breath away was the way he had his dress coat slung over his shoulder. He looked like a god. It was only then that I noticed the other guys also had coats with them.

I couldn't help but notice that Edward's eyes were locked on me, taking me in, as I ogled him. Thank god Emmett's big mouth broke the spell.

"Hot damn you are one fine looking group of females." To which all the guys agreed.

Alice broke out the camera and passed it around and we all took a variety of pictures.

"Where are we going Alice. I think we are slightly overdressed for dinner at the dining hall."

Everybody laughed.

"Well first, Emmett, get busy. We are having a pre dinner drink. Then we'll be off."

Edward made his way over to me and my heart started to pound.

"You look amazing Bella. Happy Birthday." He said as he bent down to place a chaste kiss on my cheek.

"Thanks Edward. You look pretty great yourself." And the traitor blush made it's appearance.

He turned to talk to Alice.

"Are we doing presents before or after?"

"After, we don't have a lot of time to hang out right now."

It was then that I noticed a pile of presents sitting on a table beside the mini bar. It was amazing, but for once I was excited to open birthday presents. I was still coming to terms with the revelations of today's therapy session. It was then that I felt a flood of emotions hit me. I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes. No one but Alice saw this.

"Bella, come with me real quick, I forgot something."

I followed her into our room and she of course she asked what was wrong.

"Nothing Alice, I promise. I just had an ah ha moment realizing how much better my life has been since coming here and meeting you and everyone out there. It's just overwhelming."

She pulled me into a hug, no words were needed. When she pulled away, she dapped my tears away, touched up my make up and we rejoined our friends. Emmett passed out drinks to everyone and then decided he needed to make a toast.

"Here's to our birthday girl, Bella. I for one feel very lucky to call her my friend. She is one kick ass chick and I can't wait for all the fun times ahead. Happy 20th!!!"

Everyone raised their glasses and downed their drinks. A few minutes later Alice's cell phone rang.

"Rides here."

I was confused but like I promised...no complaining. Edward walked up to me smiling.

"May I escort you tonight Miss Swan?" He asked and extended his arm to me. Alice smiled back at us and winked.

I couldn't help but feel a little smug as we walked to the elevators and I saw all the girls staring at Edward...well not just Edward, they were practically drooling over the parade of hot guys that were in our group. We were some lucky ladies. I stopped dead in my tracks, nearly making Edward fall, when we stepped out of the dorm. Waiting for us was a limo, but not just any limo...a Hummer limo.

"Are you for real Alice? It's only my birthday. I hate to see what you plan for occasions that really call for celebration."

"Shut it. This is an occasion to celebrate. Just enjoy it."

We had drawn quite a crowd and I wanted to escape all the stares. Edward noticed this and wrapped his arms around me. The limo driver was standing by the open door and smiled at me and wished me a happy birthday. We all piled into the limo and got comfortable. I had never been inside a limo and I have to say, I could get used to it. There was a bottle of champaign and eight glasses waiting for us. Alice passed a glass to everyone and I quite enjoyed the taste, but I limited myself to one glass knowing I needed to get some food in me or the alcohol was going to cut my evening short.

I'm not sure how long we were in the car but we were having a blast. Emmett kept us laughing the entire time...except when the girls got on over on the guys. Rose casually mentioned a threesome and then the picture we took earlier in the evening. I swear all the guys stopped breathing. We finally stopped in front of the space needle and realization finally hit me.

"Sky City??? Damn Alice, you really do go all out. I've never even been to the Space Needle. Oh!!! We have to go to the observation deck and take a huge group picture!!!"

I was really worried about the cost of everything. I knew the others could afford this but Jake and I weren't nearly as well off as the others were. But I knew Jake was aware of the plans so I could only assume that he was okay with it. And although I had a feeling I wouldn't be allowed to pay for my own dinner, I did have a credit card, just in case. We made our way to the top of the Space Needle and into the restaurant. Alice stepped up to the podium where the hostess was waiting...and eyeing everyone of the guys. I knew I didn't have any right to feel jealous, but I did. I didn't like her looking at Edward that way. Alice saw how she was eyeing all the guys and cleared her throat. The hostess snapped her head towards Alice.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, reservations for Cullen."

"Right this way, the rest of your party just arrived."

The rest of our party? Who else was coming? I quickly got my answer and I thought I was going to scream. Sitting at the table were not only Esme and Carlise but also my dad, mom, and Phil. I couldn't help the childish giddiness I felt and rushed to them. My mom and Phil engulfed me in a hug followed by my dad.

"Mom, Phil, what are you guys doing here?"

"Well sweetie, Phil had a small break so we decided to come for a quick visit. He has to be back for the game on Sunday so we'll have to leave tomorrow afternoon, but we just couldn't miss your birthday. By the way, you look absolutely stunning tonight sweetie."

My dad looked at me and I could have sworn I saw him get teary eyes.

"Our baby is growing up Renee. Can you believe it? I mean, look at those shoes. Did you ever think our clumsy Bella would actually be able to stand in something like those, let alone actually walk in them?" He was smiling the whole time. My mom just laughed because she knew the exact reason I could walk in those shoes...and we promised a long time ago to never tell Charlie.

Introductions were made and my mom seemed thrilled to finally meet my friends. She smiled when Edward pulled my chair out for me...as did Esme. Between her and Renee, I felt like Edward and I were under surveillance the entire night. Our table was right by the window, so I was able to enjoy the entire view without the obstruction of other tables and patrons. I was so happy that I had all my friends and family with me...well with the exception of three people; Elizabeth, Katie, and Billy. Alice pulled out her camera again and started taking more pictures.

The food was amazing and I ate way more than I should have. I thoroughly enjoyed the appetizers, my salad, and the seared tuna was mouth watering. I devoured it. It was amazing how everyone seemed to be involved in one big conversation, instead of multiple side ones. My mom seemed especially focused on finding out more about Alice and Edward. She kept giving me knowing glances...that I pointedly ignored.

After everyone had cleaned their plates, Alice managed to get my mom off by herself. They came back a few minutes later laughing and smiling and I just glared at them both. I was getting ready to ask what they were up to when my attention was quickly averted. A man, whom I could only guess was the chef, came up to our table, rolling a dessert cart full of my favorite dessert....chocolate soufflé with lots of hot chocolate sauce, fresh whipped cream, and an assortment of fresh berries. I knew I had officially died and gone to heaven. Edward had disappeared and I was afraid his dessert would get cold...or I'd eat it, before he got back.

"I hear that someone special is celebrating their 20th birthday tonight. Where is the beautiful Bella?"

Everyone looked at me and I of course blushed.

"Ahhh, so this is the birthday girl. Happy Birthday Bella. I hear this is your favorite dessert. Well you get the first one, but first, we must take care of one more thing."

He looked over his shoulder and that's when I saw him. Edward was perch in front of a beautiful grand piano and he started playing. I never knew hearing 'Happy Birthday' played on a piano would cause me to cry, but it did. He had the most beautiful smile on his face. When everyone realized what he was playing, they all started singing...not just our table, but the entire restaurant. As soon as the song was over, the chef started serving the dessert, but I hardly noticed. Edward had not gotten up from the piano, instead he started playing another song...Claire de Lune. I watched him the entire time. When he was finished, there was a round of applause and he quickly made his way back to his table. I stood up and gave him a big hug and thanked him for playing for me. He gently wiped the tears away, that had silently fallen. I again felt the eyes of my mother and Esme linger on us. We sat down and enjoyed the most delectable dessert I have ever tasted. I seriously could survive on this one food alone. Judging by everyone else's expressions, I think they could too.

Jake and Phil were discussing the Diamondback's season, which brought all the men into the conversation. I tensed slightly and my mom noticed. She placed her hand on my arm and squeezed. Phil pulled out two envelopes and handed one to Charlie and one to Jake. They each contained tickets to an upcoming Mariners game.

"There's enough tickets in your envelope Jake for the entire table. Charlie there are four in your envelope. They are for the same game. I figured you wouldn't mind spending a weekend with all these kids. When Spring Training rolls around, I can get you tickets to the Mariner's/Diamondback's game, but I figured you wouldn't want to wait that long to see a game."

They guys were ecstatic. The girls...not so much. But we all agreed that it would be fun because of who we would be hanging out with. I was tense and nervous but knew I could handle it as long as my dad and friends were there.

"Speaking of gifts...." my mom started.

And within a matter of seconds, there were a pile of presents in front of me. I made out like a bandit.

My dad gave me a year's membership to a martial arts training facility. He wanted me to learn self defense. Alice got excited and immediately decided she'd join too as did Rose and Angela. They guys looked scared.

"What, afraid we'll kick your asses if you piss us off?" Rose asked Em.

"Well you know we will piss you off so it's only a matter of time before you hand us our asses on a silver platter." He laughed as did everyone else.

Carlisle and Esme gave me a gift certificate to a local bookstore as well as a very generous gift certificate to a music store. Edward explained to me that the music store was geared towards those that played instruments so there were lots of instrument accessories, sheet music, and gadgets for music geeks like me. There was also a recording studio located at the music store. I knew what my gift certificate was going to be used for. I graciously thanked them.

It was my mom's turn to hand me a present and she was channeling Alice with how much she was bouncing up and down. I started to get nervous...and excited. I nearly passed out when I opened the present from her and Phil. It was my dream instrument...a LaBlanc Backun Legacy clarinet. The shock was written all over my face. This was an expensive clarinet. Before I could speak, my dad gave me another envelope that contained a prepaid Visa card, but he had given me specific instructions. I was to use it to buy a mouth piece. I jumped up and hugged all three of my parents and thanked them profusely. I couldn't wait to see Dr. Smithwick. Maybe she would help me pick out a mouthpiece.

We all made our way to the observation deck where we took more pictures of the group. All the 'grown ups' were spending the night in Seattle and they quickly dismissed us to go 'do what you kids do' while they were going to 'do what the adults do' which basically meant the same thing. They were going to hang out at the bar for a little while before heading back to their hotel. My dad shocked me when he pulled me into a hug and stage whispered into my ear.

"Bella, your old man isn't a fool. I was young once too. Have fun tonight, just utilize that driver Alice has and be sure to drink lots of water before you go to sleep."

Everyone laughed at my expression. Did my dad just give me permission to do what a 20 year old isn't legal to do? I think so. I hugged everyone once again and thanked them for their generosity. We decided to meet up with the parents for brunch tomorrow before they left Seattle. I knew the night wasn't over yet, but was surprised when Alice told the driver to take us back to our dorm, the long way of course. She quickly explained that we were staying in tonight and hanging out as a group. The guys were going to crash in our suite. We were given an awesome tour of Seattle and drank more Champaign as we made our way back to the dorm.

When we got back, we all changed into our pj's and met in the common room. Emmett resumed his position as bartender and quickly made us all drinks. Before he could even sit down, Alice was bouncing up and down yelling about more presents.

"Really guys, I don't need any more presents. You have all done so much for me already."

They all rolled their eyes and told me to shut it and enjoy. That was becoming the common phrase today.

Alice and Jasper gave me a very beautiful charm bracelet. It already had a 'B' charm on it. She then gave me a charm that had the world 'Best' on it. She explained that she had 'Friend' on her bracelet. She also gave me a framed picture of our group from the bonfire at La Push. I loved it.

Angela gave me a spatula and whisk charm to add to my bracelet, as well as a cashmere scarf, hat, and glove set in a very pretty shade of blue. They all laughed at me when I promptly put them on.

Emmett jumped out of his seat, set in front of me, and watched as I opened the present from him and Rose. They had given me a pretty large gift certificate to iTunes. Emmett also gave me a charm for my bracelet...a set of drum sticks. He understood that the drumming lessons we share really are special to me. The charm Rose gave me had me in hysterics. She had actually found a butt charm....of course this was to commemorate our road trip to Forks.

She jumped up and ran to her room and came back with an envelope and quickly started handing everyone in the room something. When she got to me, I gasped. She had gotten everyone fake ID's and they looked damn real.

"This way we'll have no problems going out in the future....what...I know a guy. And Em before you say anything...shut the hell up." She smiled at him and he slapped her on the ass.

I was still in awe over how authentic the ID's looked when Jake plopped down beside me. He had a pile of gifts and I got ready to speak.

"Don't say anything Bells, these aren't all from me. This one if from my dad."

He handed me a big narrow package. I almost cried when I opened it. Billy had hand carved me a large picture frame that held several pictures of Jake and I growing up. The earliest one showed me and Jake, in diapers and nothing else, playing in the water at First Beach. The latest one was taken the morning we piled into the U-haul to make the drive to Washington. Everyone got a big kick out of seeing me and Jake together as children. And they laughed terribly at my frizzy hair and Jake's oversized head when we were around the ages of five and six.

Jake gave me two charms...an angel and one that said 'live' and I knew the meaning of each. For as long as I could remember, Jake has always called me an angel. He said it's because in his earliest memory of me I was wearing all white and because of the way the sun was behind me, I looked like I had a halo of light around me. The 'live' charm simply represented what he has constantly told me since James, that I need to live. The next present made me cry, although for once they weren't tears of guilt or bitterness. He gave me a framed picture of me, Elizabeth, Katie, and himself. This was the last picture the four of us ever had taken together. Billy snapped that picture right before we left for my audition. This was the first time anyone had seen pictures of Elizabeth and Katie. It was the first time I'd looked at a picture of Elizabeth in months. The tears fell but they didn't overtake me. They let me have a moment before we continued.

Edward was next and I was excited to see what he had picked out for me. Keeping with the theme of the charms, he gave me a piano charm. The next present I unwrapped from him was a leather bound composition note book that had my name engraved on the front. I opened it up and found the first part of our duet already written in it. It was the perfect present. I got up to give him a hug but he told me to wait and handed me another box.

I acted like a ten year old at Disney World when I saw what was in the box.

"You got me Muse tickets!!!! I have been trying for weeks to get tickets but the show was sold out unless I wanted to pay an obscene amount of money for tickets that were on those overpriced resale sites. Wait....do I even want to know what it cost you to get these tickets?"

"Probably not." He smiled but at least he was honest.

"Guys, you are all too much. This has been the best birthday I have ever had. Seriously, you don't know how much tonight has meant to me." I hugged each one of them.

Jake handed me another present but told me I'd probably want to wait to open it until I was alone...it was from Katie. He took it to my room for me. Emmett was already working on our second round of drinks. Alice, Angela, and Rose were pulling pillows and blankets our of our rooms so we could all get comfortable.

Alice popped pop corn, although I had no clue where anyone would put it...okay I take that back. Jake and Emmett asked for their own bag. Everyone was getting situated and I started to get nervous. Everyone was officially paired off. Jake told me that while we were on the observation deck, he talked to Angela and they were now a couple. But Edward and I were still strictly just friends. Luckily, the girls ended up spreading out all the pillows and blankets on the floor so we all just gathered there.

Angela turned off the lights and started the movie. 'Breakfast Club' started playing and for once, everyone agreed that it was a good movie. It had been a long day and I ended up falling asleep halfway into the movie. I woke up when the movie went off. I vaguely remember Jake asking if he could crash in my bed. Angela was crashing in Alice's bed since Emmett was staying over. Alice and Jasper were cuddle up together on the couch. And Edward...well he was asleep, partially under me. It seems I feel asleep with my head on his chest, my arm thrown over his stomach, and my leg tangled with his. He had his arms around me, holding me to him. I just didn't have the heart to wake him up and I didn't have the will power to move.

Happy Birthday indeed.

**A/N: Well there you have it. This is part one of Bella's birthday surprises. I'm not making any promises because we all know how that goes, but I'm hoping to have the second part posted next week. Here's your last chance to give me some ideas for fun clubbin songs as well as songs you'd like to see Bella cut lose to. **

**And for all of you who are eager for Bella and Edward to grow a set and fess up...don't worry, it's coming, and soon. Not the next chapter but soon. Thank you all for sticking with me.**

**Let me know what you think. Reviews help me get through the day :)**


	27. Chapter 27: Spa Day Ambush

**A/N: First of all, I am so sorry it has taken so long to post this chapter. I'll explain more about that at the bottom. **

**Secondly, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. I wish it were, I really don't like my job at the moment.**

**Chapter 27: Spa Day Ambush**

**EPOV**

This dream was becoming irritating yet intoxicating at the same time. Something kept tickling my nose and no matter how many times I tried to escape it, I couldn't. But at the same time this irritating thing smelled divine. I slowly started waking up from one of the best nights of sleep I had had in a very long time, only to have my heart nearly beat out of my chest. The something that was tickling my nose in my dream was in reality hair...hair that I had my nose buried in. I was afraid to open my eyes...slightly scared of what I would find. But I quickly started to recall the events of the previous night. Bella's birthday...drinks in her dorm room, limo ride to the Space Needle, an amazing dinner, playing the piano for Bella, movie night...falling asleep with her wrapped in my arms.

I took the chance and slowly opened my eyes. It was still quite early; the sun was barely showing through the window. Alice and Jasper were passed out on the couch and I could hear snoring from both the rooms. God knows how Emmett's and Jake's dorm mates manage to get any sleep. I swear, they could wake the dead with the volume of the grunts they produce in their sleep. I must have been truly relaxed to sleep through that noise.

I looked down at Bella, who looked utterly content in sleep. Although my right arm was dead...okay not dead but certainly numb, I didn't have it in me to move and risk waking her up. So instead I laid my head back down and thought about the previous night. I also took a few minutes to ponder the feelings that I had been developing for her.

Last night was truly an amazing night. I was so happy that Alice was able to contact Renee and Phil and fill them in on the party. Bella seemed beside herself when she saw her mother and step father. My sister really out did herself and Bella genuinely seemed to enjoy every aspect of the night. Despite her protest over all the gifts, she accepted them without out much fuss. The charm bracelet was a wonderful idea. Alice talked to the group about it the week prior, explaining that she wanted Bella to have something tangible that would represent each of us, a way of having us with her at all times.

I was amazed at the depth of feelings that Alice had already developed for Bella. Don't get me wrong, my sister makes friends very easily, but what she and Bella have, well it is much deeper than friendship. In a few short weeks, they had formed a bond that usually takes people years to cultivate. There truly was something special about Bella.

I was ecstatic that Bella liked the Muse tickets. She was jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean when she saw what was in the box. I was quite surprised when she didn't push the issue of how much they cost, and I was glad. She would have flipped out. But it was worth it to see the excitement in her eyes. I felt like last night was the first time that I had seen the real Bella, the one that existed before whatever happened in Phoenix. Pure unadulterated happiness radiated from her all night long. Even when she had her down moments while thinking of Elizabeth and Katie, she didn't let it ruin her night.

The highlight of my night was definitely seeing the look of surprise and awe in Bella's eyes as I played for her. Alice finally caved and told me a few details of the weekend, one being that she had arranged for me to play. I wasn't too keen on the idea at first, but quickly pushed that aside, knowing Bella would love it.

And there it is again...me doing things for Bella, wanting to make her happy, constantly thinking about her. I was fighting an uphill battle and I was becoming tired of it. I never thought that I'd be ready to give love another try so soon, but Bella was making me second guess everything that I had come to believe in the past eight months. _Wait...love??? Damn it Edward, snap out of it._ No not love, not yet anyway. It would be so easy to love Bella, so easy to fall into a relationship with her. It's frightening that I never felt this depth of emotions or this type of connection when I was with Jessica. I claimed I loved her, but now I know that was a lie. It infuriates me that one mistaken emotion, caused me to become so fucked up. But it was different with Bella. It felt different, I was different, the feelings were different. She and I seemed to fit together, like two puzzle pieces.

As if to emphasize this point, Bella started to move and I took stock of our position. We were lying down, facing each other. My right arm was propped up under her head and her face was buried in the crook of my neck. My left arm was draped across her hip, holding her to me. Her right arm was thrown around my waist while her left arm rested between us, resting against my chest. Our legs were a tangled mess. I couldn't help but bury my face in her hair again. She smelled so good. I couldn't help the shutter that ripped through my body as her warm breath tickled my neck. Her arm tensed around my waist and she shifted herself closer to me. I felt at utter peace in that moment. A feeling of completeness enveloped me and I felt whole.

I didn't dare move in fear that I would wake Bella up. I was being a selfish bastard this morning. I wasn't ready for this feeling to go away. I knew I would have to think about what all of this meant later, but for now I just wanted to enjoy the predicament I was in. I closed my eyes and continued to breathe her in. It wasn't long before Bella started to move around but I kept my eyes closed. I knew she had finally woken up when I heard a quick intake of breath and she gasped. I didn't move a muscle in fear that she would discover that I was awake, and let go of me. To my surprise, her grip on me strengthened. That caused a thousand questions to flood my mind. The one that kept breaking through to the front of the line...was it possible that she was beginning to feel the same way about 'us' as I was?

Ten minutes or so passed and I started to hear the stirrings of our friends and knew that my perfect moment of peace would soon be interrupted. I guess Bella had the same thought because her grip on me began to loosen and I heard her sigh. I chanced opening my eyes and quickly realized that Bella was wide awake and staring intently at me.

She had a small smile on her face and her infamous blush raced to the surface with a vengeance when our eyes met.

"Good morning Edward." She whispered. And holy hell, her rough morning voice did things to my body that certainly weren't appropriate for the position we were currently in. I quickly got myself under control before responding.

"Good morning Bella...sleep well?" I smiled slightly, keenly aware of my morning breath.

"I did. That's the best sleep I've had in ages, despite sleeping on the floor. I think we should sleep together more often."

I nearly choked and she quickly realized what she said, causing her whole face and neck to turn the color of a beet. It was at that moment my dear sister decided to make herself known.

"Jeez Bella...friends with benefits. I didn't take you for the type." Alice said with a sly grin and giggled.

If looks could kill, Bella would be on trial for murder. She shot me an apologetic look and quickly disentangled herself from me before racing to the bathroom and slamming the door. I immediately felt the loss of her warmth and the way her body felt against mine.

"Alice, really. Did you have to do that? You know how easily she gets embarrassed."

Alice just hung her head. We sat in silence waiting for Bella to return...but she didn't. After ten minutes, Alice decided to go check on her. Just a quick glance at her face and I knew she felt bad for upsetting Bella. Jasper waited until Alice was out of earshot before he began.

"Soooo....how did you sleep last night?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Perfectly fine." I said, while keeping my face blank.

"You two looked mighty cozy this morning. Alice even managed to snap a picture of you two." He stated as he handed me the camera.

Alice had taken a lot of pictures the night before. I decided to start at the beginning. Bella was stunning last night, smiling in every picture. But what really caught my attention was the look on her face whenever she was looking at me and in return the look on my face. After looking at all the pictures, I knew there were four pictures that I just had to have printed and framed. The first was of me playing the piano, but somehow Alice had managed to get Bella in the picture as well. We were both looking at each other and smiling. The second was of me and Bella on the observation deck with Seattle behind us. I had my arms wrapped around her waist and we were both looking at each other laughing. The third was a group shot of all of us. All my friends looked truly happy. The last and in my opinion the best picture was of me and Bella asleep on the floor. We were wrapped around each other and we both had small smiles playing on our lips.

"You both look so content and peaceful in that picture." I heard Alice say.

"How is Bella?"

"She's fine now. I groveled at her feet and gave her my pout along with a very sincere apology...of course, I also had to agree not to force any shopping on her for a week, but since shopping is part of today's plans I had to renegotiate the terms. She forgave me and is now taking a shower. We have to leave in a little bit to meet the parental units for breakfast. You guys should go back to your rooms to get ready and then meet us back here in an hour."

By this time Emmett and Jake had entered the room and we all agreed. I didn't want to leave without talking to Bella, knowing she would probably be very uncomfortable around me after Alice's comment, but I also knew we had a schedule to keep and a drill sergeant to make sure we did. So I opted instead to leave her a note.

"Alice, please make sure Bella gets this." I stated before walking out the door.

On the way back to the dorm I couldn't help but think about the way Bella made me feel. Jasper, being the emotionally tuned in freak that he is, picked up on my giddy mood.

"So Edward, have you finally decided to stop this 'just friends' facade that you and Bella are playing around with?"

How do I answer that; especially with Jake standing right next to me? I spared a quick glance in his direction, only to find him grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh come on Edward, you can't honestly be worried about what I think?"

"Well dude, incase you haven't looking in a mirror lately, you're twice my size and she's the closest thing to a sister you have. I know how overbearingly protective I am of Alice. It's only natural."

"Well let me ease your fears. I have no problem what so ever with you and Bella. I trust her, I trust you. You've been good for her and from what I've seen and heard, she's been good for you too. Plus, I know where you live and I have Emmett and Felix on my side should anything go wrong." He laughed.

Emmett just nodded in agreement while giving me a shit eating grin.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I knew Jake liked me but he flat out just gave me his seal of approval. From what Bella had told me, getting Jake's approval would be more difficult than getting Charlie's. I decided to be honest with them all.

"You've all figured me out. I do want to be more than friends with her, but there's a lot we need to know about each other before we can pursue a relationship. I know some pretty bad shit happened to Bella. She hasn't told me much about what happened in Phoenix but I know it was terrible. Then there's that fucked up shit that happened to me when I was with Jessica. Bella needs to know that whole story as well. We can't start a relationship without full disclosure. I know that sounds harsh but at least on my side, she needs to know the whole story before deciding if she wants to be with me."

"It'll happen man. Bella will tell you when the time is right. And it won't take long. Anyone can see that connection you two have. I've never seen her so comfortable around another male, other than me. But we are practically brother and sister so of course we are close. To be honest, I've never seen Bella take to a group of people as fast as she has with you guys. She has made such great progress since we moved here. I'm just happy that my old Bella is coming back. You guys just wait. She'll shock the shit out of you one of these days." Jake smile as he thought about the old Bella.

My curiosity was peaked.

"What do you mean?"

Jake took a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking.

"Even though Bella didn't have a large group of friends back in Phoenix, it wasn't because she was shy or anti social. Truth is, she just didn't like to waste her time on frivolous friendships. Bella is very loyal and found early on that kids can be cruel. She got picked on at an early age because people saw her as a nerd and weird because she played music all the time and read a lot, plus she wore glasses and had braces. She was an awkward kid too, clumsy as hell too. She seemed to get picked on more than the other kids because she wouldn't fight back, wouldn't stoop to their level, for herself at least. But if someone went after me, Katie, or Elizabeth, well it wasn't pretty. Those kids just didn't realize that she was light years ahead of them. So she was always guarded somewhat, unless she was with me, Elizabeth, and Katie. My cousin Leah was another who Bella was really close to. We loved to have fun, nothing too crazy. I mean Bella's dad is a police officer, but she like to cut lose. She has a wicked sense of humor and loves to surprise people. I have a feeling we may see a little more of the real Bella tonight. And don't let that blush fool you. It's more biological than anything else. She really doesn't embarrass that easy, unless she's around Edward." He said while shaking his head and laughing.

We chatted about last night a little bit before curiosity got the best of me.

"What are we doing tonight?" I asked because my crazy sister still hadn't told me.

"Can you keep your mouth closed, even if Bella starts pestering you?" Jasper asked.

"I promise; Scout's honor."

"We are going clubbing tonight. And be prepared. Bella may be somewhat clumsy but for some reason it has no affect on her ability to dance. Most people don't know this, but in an effort to help Bella with her balance and clumsiness, her mom enrolled her in tons of different classes. In the many years I've known her, she has taken ballet, tap, hip hop, gymnastics, yoga, kick boxing, Pilates, and there was even one mystery class that she took with her mom last year that she wouldn't even tell me about. Let's just say the combination of all those classes created a very graceful Bella when it comes to moving her body. Hey, I'm not really her brother. I know a hot woman when I see one." Jake laughed as we looked at him in disbelief.

"Fine, don't believe me, but I guarantee by the end of the night, you'll have a very different picture of Bella."

As if I needed any other reason to drool over her. It looks like it's going to be a long night.

**BPOV**

Waking up next to Edward was heavenly. There is no other way to describe it. And I slept wonderfully, even if we were on the floor. I was surprised at how tangled up with one another we were and I was glad that he was still asleep when I woke up. Nobody should be subjected to that shade of red this early in the morning. However, it wasn't embarrassment that caused blood to rush to my cheeks this morning…it was something else altogether. The intimate embrace that I found myself locked in turned me on. Of course once that happened…well yeah, I blushed even more. I didn't want to wake him up so I held on tighter and just enjoyed the moment. I took the time to really think about what was happening between us.

Yes we were friends, I was certain of this. But I was amazed at how quickly I was being pulled into his orbit. After pondering this for a moment, I came to the conclusion that friends didn't quite capture what we were; it didn't do 'us' justice. But I couldn't find the correct label for 'us'. We weren't 'together' like our other friends were, but we seemed to be closer than normal friends. I also couldn't help but notice how right it felt lying in his arms. I felt contentment, peaceful, fulfilled…complete. I inhaled a deep breath and was overpowered by his smell. It reminded me of a summer day…ocean, honeysuckles, but manly. He smelled wonderful. All too soon our friends started waking up. So I loosened my grip on Edward and he started to wake up. I couldn't help the blush that flooded my cheeks when our eyes met. He is gorgeous.

"Good morning Edward." I whispered, not wanting to test my morning breath on him.

"Good morning Bella...sleep well?" he asked if a rough sleepy voice. Holy hell, it was sexy. Must not have those thoughts now though.

"I did. That's the best sleep I've had in ages, despite sleeping on the floor. I think we should sleep together more often." It only took a nanosecond for me to realize what I said and prayed that Edward wouldn't pick up on it. Nope, luck was not with me this morning. His eyes got as big as saucers and the look that flashed through them made me want to moan. I don't think I could have been redder than I was at that moment.

"Jeez Bella...friends with benefits. I didn't take you for the type." Alice said and I had completely forgotten that we weren't alone. I was surprised at her comment and then slightly hurt. She knew that I was confused over my feelings for Edward. I shot her a look that had the potential to kill before quickly jumping up and running to the bathroom.

I could hear Edward question her as to why she would say something like that but I tuned out the rest of the conversation. I sat on the floor and let the tears fall. I really had no idea as to why this upset me so much but I felt like she had betrayed my trust. I was being irrational and I knew it. Alice would never do anything like that to me intentionally. I sat there for a while before finally concluding that her comment just hit too close to home. I was in the middle of washing my face when I heard a small knock on the door.

"Bella? Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Can I come in and talk?" Alice asked and it sounded like she was holding back tears.

I quickly opened the door, grabbed her arm, and pulled her into a hug while closing the door.

"It's okay Alice. I just overreacted. I'm sorry." I said as I hugged her even tighter.

Alice pushed me town on the toilet seat while she sat on the counter. She wiped away the tears that had fallen on her cheek before speaking.

"Bella, I know that was a stupid thing to say. I ruined a perfectly content moment for both you and Edward. It was such an Emmett thing to say. I swear, he is rubbing off on everybody." She smiled and I could help but giggle at that thought.

"Really Alice, I'm okay." I paused for a moment before continuing. She was my best friend and if I couldn't talk to her about these things, even if they were about her brother, then I was lost.

"It's just, that comment hit too close to home." I whispered.

She looked at me curiously before speaking. "How so?"

"You know how conflicted I've been over my feelings for Edward. As much as I want to let these walls that I have built up crumble…I'm scared. But I'm so drawn to him. I was actually lying on the floor this morning internally arguing with myself that although we are friends that title just doesn't seem to do 'us' justice. I feel like we are more, but we aren't together like our other friends. It's so confusing. I almost feel like we are friends with benefits, and I guess in a way we are. Especially what we are doing with the Jessica situation, even if it's only pretend. I feel an emotional connection to Edward. And I'm certainly attracted to him. But I just don't know if it's the right time to make that leap. He needs to know about what happened with James. And I have a feeling there is a lot he hasn't told me about Jessica. Until we are completely open and honest about those situations, I don't feel comfortable about trying to pursue anything more than this crazy friendship we have. Is that wrong?"

"Not at all. We all see how you two are drawn to one another, but I agree that while it may be difficult, in the long run it will make for a stronger relationship if you know everything up front. That way, there will be no surprises and you will each have insight into each other's behaviors, reactions, etc. But I will say this. Don't wait too long. You are both good for each other. Life is too short not to grab the things you want and you know this better than anybody."

I thought about what she was saying and let it sink in. She was right. I knew there were no guarantees for tomorrow. I knew that I risked the chance of getting hurt, but then again, what kind of life would I truly lead if I avoided anything that could cause me hurt.

"See, you're getting there."

She negotiated her apology in the form of her not torturing me with shopping for a set time period, which she didn't like too much.

"Now that that the apology payment has been set, take a quick shower. We have to meet our parents in a little while for breakfast. Then part two of your birthday starts." She squealed as she dashed out of the bathroom.

"ALICE!!!" I yelled at her only hearing her laugh in return.

I jumped in the shower and was on autopilot. I thought about what I needed to do and by the time I turned the hot water off I had devised somewhat of a plan. I would tell Edward everything that happened in Phoenix. I would also tell him about my growing feelings for him. Afterwards, I would suggest a small break from seeing each other. I wanted him to be able to process all the information I was going to lay at his feet without my interference. After that, I would let nature takes its course. The only thing I was unsure of was when I would actually talk with him. I knew it would be soon, I just wasn't sure how soon.

I walked into mine and Alice's room and was shocked when I saw what she had laid out for me to wear. Yoga pants, a long sleeve shirt and a zip up hoodie.

"Ummm…Alice" I yelled.

She came bouncing into the room wearing the exact same outfit, only in a different color.

"Are you feeling okay? This doesn't exactly look like Alice approved attire." I asked as I placed my hand on her forehead. I looked up and saw Rose and Angela wearing the same thing and laughing.

"Well we have plans today and these are appropriate outfits for our plans. And before you ask…no I'm not telling you. We have about twenty minutes before we need to meet the guys and head to the diner. Here Bella, read this and then meet us in the common room." She said as she handed me a letter. I opened it and smiled.

_Bella,_

_Best sleep ever. If I ever wanted to have a friend with benefits, it would be you. I like the benefits of your smile, your laugh, the way you light up a room when you enter, that adorable blush that never ceases to amaze me, hearing you play, the way your mind works. Those are benefits I'll always want in my life. Cheer up, I don't like to see you upset. See you soon._

_~Edward_

I read through the note once again and couldn't help the all consuming grin that was plastered on my face as I made my way to the common room. All the girls noticed but didn't say anything as they sat there with knowing smirks on their faces. Alice pulled the memory stick out of her camera and plugged it into her laptop and we looked through all the pictures she had taken last night. There were some amazing pictures of us. There were a few that I really wanted copies of. One was of Edward playing the piano. He looked so happy. It wasn't until Alice pointed it out that I noticed you could see me in the picture too. Both Edward and I were locked in a heated gaze. There were quite a few from the observation deck that were awesome; one of me and Edward, our whole group, and then me with my parents, all three of them. My favorite picture had to be the one that Alice had somehow managed to take of me and Edward sleeping this morning. We looked so happy, content, right…just perfect.

It was then that tears started streaming down my face. The realization that I was comfortable in a man's arms hit me like a ton of bricks. It was only a few months ago, hell a few weeks ago even, that I doubted that I would ever feel comfortable with anyone but Jake wrapped around me. Yes, I had become accustomed to Emmett and even Felix hugging me and wrapping me up in their arms, but this was something entirely different. This was me, wrapped up in the arms of someone I see as more than a friend, this was an intimate embrace, not one of friendship.

The girls seemed concerned until I told them that the tears were not tears of sadness but of joy. I was honestly starting to get better. I was starting to actually live my life again. And I had Jake, my new friends, and Edward to thank for that. All of us girls cuddled on the couch for a few minutes while they shed tears of joy with me. We were able to get ourselves under control, throw on our shoes, and head out the door to meet the guys.

The guys were already waiting on us in front of the dorms by the time we made it outside. Alice jumped in the car with me, Angela, and Jake…sticking her tongue out at Edward in the process. He looked like he wanted to talk but was being pushed into the Jeep by Rose. He looked at me with a worried expression on his face and I smiled back at him causing him to relax. A few minutes later, my cell phone chimed, alerting me to a text message.

_Are you okay? ~E_

_I'm great. No worries. How are you? ~B_

_Never been better. ~E_

We made it to the diner just as our parents were pulling in. I ran to my mom and threw my arms around her. I was still overwhelmed that she and Phil were able to spend this time with me. I hugged my dad next followed by Phil. We made our way into the diner and took over one whole corner to ourselves. The food was great, the company amazing, and the conversations hilarious. My dad was so relaxed with my friends and my mom was quickly falling in love with them too. All the parents got along famously. I think my friends were shocked at how close my dad and Phil were, but the situation with James changed a lot of relationships…ironically for the better. As I ate my wonderfully fluffy and moist pancakes, I could help the feeling of family that enveloped me. With the exception of three missing people; Billy, Katie, and Elizabeth, this was my family now. Jake, who was sitting beside me, grabbed my hand under the table and squeezed. He leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"I feel it too Bells. This is our family. We are missing three, but even if they aren't here with us in person, they are here with us in our hearts. Just imagine if we can get my dad and Katie up here for Christmas. That would be amazing." He always knew what I was thinking.

I excused myself to the restroom to wash my face with some cool water. My mom quickly followed me.

"Are you okay sweetie?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah, mom. I'm great, actually. I just realized that everyone out there is my family now. With the exception of Katie, Elizabeth, and Billy; everyone I care most about in this world are sitting not twenty feet away. And to make it even better, everyone gets along wonderfully."

My mom just smiled at me and nodded knowingly.

"Bella, when you first decided to move to Washington and away from me, I will admit, I was upset, scared, sad…you name it and I felt it. But I can't tell you how glad I am that you made that decision. I can see how much progress you have made since being here. Your group of friends out there…well, honey, I can tell you. They are an amazing bunch and I think they have helped you just as much, if not more than Dr. Leslie or Dr. Kym ever could. I've been thinking about something, but I've been scared to bring it up to you, but I think now is as good of a time as any. Sweetheart, Phil and I have been talking, and we don't think you should come back to Phoenix for a while. I'm scared it will set you back in your recovery and we are finally getting the Old Bells back."

To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

"Mom, I've actually been feeling the same way. I was just scared to talk to you about it. I was afraid that you would think I didn't want to see you and Phil and get upset."

"Not at all honey. You should know better than that. I've already talked to your dad about this and he agrees. Phil and I are planning on spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with you and your dad in Forks. I have a feeling the Cullen's will be a part of our group as well. Now as for the summer, let's see how you are doing then, but I wouldn't be opposed to you staying with your dad then too. That's a busy time for Phil and I wouldn't want to leave you by yourself. If you do choose to stay in Forks, then we'll just have to make plans to visit and maybe even take a big family vacation at some point in the summer…all your friends included."

"Mom…do you think, if her parents agreed that is, that you could bring Katie with you at Christmas? I miss her terribly and so does Jake. I want her to get to know my friends and want them to know her. She and Billy complete this family. Elizabeth too, but she is always with me. I don't know if you've talked to Billy lately, but I think he is considering moving back to La Push. So hopefully he will already be here by Christmas."

"I'll talk to her parents when we get home sweetie. Don't worry, we'll make it work." She smiled at me.

I threw myself into her arms and thanked her profusely while I sobbed profusely.

"Okay mom, let's get back out there before dad orders an APB for us." She laughed knowing that with Charlie, anything is possible. I splashed more water on my face before rejoining our group.

I made my way over to my dad and sat in his lap like he was Santa.

"Hey dad. Thanks for not saying anything to mom and letting her bring up the issue of me staying with you. It's going to work out just fine." I whispered.

"No problem sweetie. I may have planted a bug in her ear a few weeks ago. She doesn't suspect a thing." He laughed lightly.

After everyone had finished breakfast, Sergeant Alice was back in control.

"Okay…girls, we have plans. The mom's too. Guys, you and the dad's are spending the rest of the morning and afternoon at the go cart track and the arcade. Have fun."

And with that, we were all ushered out of the diner to begin god knows what.

The six of us girls piled into Carlisle's Mercedes, with Alice driving. We had a blast talking about college life so far. My mom even told some stories of her college days that I hadn't heard. Let's just say I never wanted to hear about how my mom got drunk and ran across the quad naked ever again. Luckily it was a small school and it was late at night, but still. Esme pulled an even bigger shocker when she told us that her and her sorority sisters, including Edward's mom, were caught streaking through campus after a late night skinny dip. Similar stories, but completely different people. My mom was always a free spirit, still is. Guess Esme really did know how to have a good time.

That lead to a brief discussion of how her and Carlisle came to adopt Edward. Edward's mom, Elizabeth and his dad, Edward Sr., were traveling home from a business convention when they were involved in a fatal head on collision. It wasn't their fault. The operator of the car hit a patch of ice and lost control of the vehicle and crossed the center line. Esme and Carlisle were more than just the Aunt/Uncle unit; they were also Edward's god parents. Guardianship went directly to them after his parent's death. They officially adopted him shortly after. I was saddened by his story but so thankful at the same time that Edward wasn't in the car with them.

We pulled up to a very posh hotel and Alice handed the car keys to the valet. She practically skipped to the counter and told them that she had reservations for six under the name Cullen. I quickly figured out that Alice had planned an all day spa session for us all.

I could have killed Alice for the first treatment she booked for us…waxes. It hurt like a bitch, but she promised me that the rest of the day would make up for it. Since our group was so large, we were given the private relaxing room to use between treatments. There was a limitless amount of fresh fruit and sparkling water available to us. There was also a small wading pool as well as a hot tub in the room.

After waxing, the fun really began. We were all given facials, a detoxifying body wrap, full body massages, manicures, pedicures, and even a treatment for our hair. When Alice plans something, she leaves nothing out.

Once our pampering was complete, we were allowed to relax in the hot tub for a bit before leaving. Of course my mom chose this time, when all the others were around including Esme, to interrogate me on Edward.

"So Bella…any interesting boys in your life these days."

"Well yes mother…you've met them all…except Felix. He's my drum teacher." I knew what she was doing and I wasn't going to fall for it, especially with Esme sitting right beside me.

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

"Yes mom, all my guy friends have girlfriends, except Edward."

"Really? That's hard to believe. He's seems like such a prize."

"Mom!!!" I was shocked that she would say that. Even more shocked that she said it in front of his mother.

"No offense to you or your son Esme." My mom said as she smiled at Esme.

Esme just smiled back…Wait a minute. They aren't smiling, they are smirking. They are up to something.

"No offense taken, I think he is quite the prize myself. Whoever manages to win his heart is going to be one lucky girl. Edward is one of the most loving, loyal, caring, and compassionate people I have ever known. I'd don't think any girl could resist him if he were pursuing her." She said as she gave me a pointed glance and a mischievous smile. Who hired her as his PR rep? It's not like I needed to be convinced of those facts.

By this point Angela, Alice, and Rose were about to crack their ribs from holding in their laughter. I had a feeling they were in on it too. Oh, I'm going to get those bitches.

"Alice, has your brother mentioned being interested in anyone lately?" Esme asked sweetly while trying to feign innocents.

Oh please Alice, please for the love of all that is holy, do not answer that question. I shot her a pleading look.

"Oh yes mother, he has." She grinned.

Damn that pixie. I will find a way to get even. Maybe I'll hide her credit cards…or better yet, refuse to let her by me ANYTHING for the rest of the semester.

"Do tell dear. You know I can't get this kind of information out of your brother."

Imagine the expression on my face when it was Angela and not Alice who answered that question.

"Well Esme, from what I hear, he met a girl the day before school started. Her name was Marie." She said as she giggled and shot me an oh so non apologetic look.

I was sinking further and further into the dark abyss. My mom might be hair brained but it wouldn't take her long to figure this one out. Not that she doesn't already know but she seems hell bent on mortifying me today.

"Isn't your middle name Marie sweetie?" Esme asked and I nodded my head slightly. "Well isn't that just the strangest coincidence."

Then I saw the undeniable flicker in my mom's eyes that told me she was going in for the kill.

"Didn't you meet someone the day you moved in Bella? What was his name again…oh yeah, Anthony, wasn't it?" She asked in her most angelic voice.

She better be glad that my muscles were still feeling like jello after that hour long massage or we might have been rolling on the ground.

"Oh that's right. Yes his name was Anthony." And I thought Rose was going to stay on my side.

Esme threw her hand over her mouth and feigned shock.

"Dear, did you know that's Edward's middle name? This truly is spectacular."

"Okay okay, you guys have made your point!!! I yelled." Trying to muster up all the anger I could but unfortunately it sounded more amused than anything because if I was being honest with myself, it was amusing. Here we are, sitting in the lap of luxury; all the while my mom and Edward's mom are acting like teenage girls.

They all lost it then and laughed for a good five minutes. Then mom got all serious on me. She knew that all present in the room knew about my past.

"Seriously sweetie, what's going on? It's plan to anyone with eyes that there is something going on with you and Edward." Esme and the rest of the girls nodded in agreement.

"Would you believe me if I told you I didn't know? That I'm scared to find out? That taking that risk petrifies me?"

The girls all knew this but I don't think my mom or Esme realized how difficult this was for me. After a little prodding, I finally broke down and explained everything to them. I couldn't believe I was divulging all this information to Edward's mom, but she seemed like a second mom to me already. After I finished my explanation it was Esme that spoke first.

"Well I have to say, I for one am very impressed with you and how you are handling things. You understand that there is something there but you also know that there are things in both of your pasts that require a deep heart to heart. Most kids your age wouldn't even think twice about jumping into something. You have a good head on your shoulders and I raised Edward to be the same way. I can almost promise you that he is feeling the exact same way, but I want to ease your fears just a little if I can. Edward will not shy away from you due to your past, if anything he will be even more drawn to you. He will see the strength you have, the love and compassion you have for others, and the ability to survive and move on. He needs someone like you in his life." She said as she made her way over to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Bella, just follow your heart. It has never misled you before. You just need to learn that not everything has a rational explanation. Act like my 20 year old for a little while instead of the 40 year old your head tends to tell you that you are. I love your old soul sweetie, it has kept me grounded more times than a few, but I also want you to experience life a little." She could tell I was on the verge of tears so she changed it up a bit.

"Besides, your biggest hurdle will be your dad, his gun…and Jake." And that broke the tension perfectly.

After we finished our spa treatments, Alice insisted we do a little shopping. I was feeling way too good after the spa day as well as after our group talk to complain. My mom felt the need to speed even more money on me. She bought me a new coat, new shoes, and a few outfits that would 'look amazing' on me. After we managed to convince Alice that we had shopped enough, we called the guys and asked them to join us for an early supper. We met at a pizza place close to campus. The guys seemed to have had a wonderful time bonding. They all commented on how relaxed we girls were and how we were all 'glowing', which made us all laugh. If they only knew how the spa day started off…

We said good bye to the parents after finishing dinner. My mom and Phil were flying out later that night, and my dad and the Cullen's were going to head back to Forks. My mom promised to see me at Thanksgiving and to also talk to Katie's parents about Christmas. Once they pulled away, Alice got a gleam in her eyes that let me know we were all in trouble.

"Okay, now for the next phase of Operation Bella's Birthday…guys, you know what to do. We'll see you in a few hours. Ladies, we need to get back to our rooms. There is work to be done."

And with that, we were once again under the Pixie's control. I was still in the dark about the plans for the night, but no matter how much I begged, pleaded, demanded, or threatened, neither she nor the others would give in. So I decided to call the one person that I thought I may be able to drag it out of.

"Hey Bella"

"Hey Edward. Are you having fun with the guys?"

"Yeah, we are just hanging out and playing some video games until it's time for us to meet you ladies."

"Well about that…these bitches here won't tell me anything about tonight, not even a tiny hint. I was hoping that maybe you could help me out here." I whispered.

Apparently I'm not a very stealthy creature because I could hear Jasper in the background yelling at Edward.

"Edward don't you dare…Alice will have all of our balls if you say one word."

And about that time, Alice came barging through the bathroom door, her cell phone in her hand talking to Jasper, and snatched my phone out of my hands.

"Edward…Bella has to go now. Don't bother to call or text, I'm confiscating her phone."

I groaned, knowing I was in for it.

"Bella…." She whined. "You promised."

"I know Alice, but damn it, I'm just curious. Can't you at least give me a hint?" I pouted.

"I would have, but then you had to go and try to get it out of Edward, so nope, now you'll just have to wait. But you should know, Edward didn't even know until this morning. We all knew that all you'd have to do is ask him and he would have told you."

She laughed as she bounced out of the bathroom. Angela and Rose were cracking up when I walked back to the common room. I just glared at them, which only caused them to laugh more. Yeah, I know. It was stupid to try to trick the pixie but it was worth a shot. I should have texted instead of calling.

After another round of showers for the day, we all ended up in mine and Alice's room. First up was hair and make-up. Alice finished her hair and make-up quickly and then pulled me over to her vanity and made me sit. I talked with the girls while Alice dried, gelled, brushed, twisted, pulled, tugged, and curled my hair. I had no clue what was going on behind my head. I felt like I needed a "Warning Construction" sign attached to my head. After my hair was 'just perfect' for tonight, she started in on my face. I could tell that she was going a lot heavier than she normally did, but I just bit my tongue and didn't say anything. I figured it was better to just go with the flow. When she was finished she spun me around to face the mirror and I couldn't believe what was staring me back.

"Wow Alice. I have to admit, I was a little afraid that I was going to look like Cindy Lauper with all the pulling and painting you were doing, but damn, I'll even say I look hot."

The girls were once again laughing.

Alice had managed to pull my long hair up into a very sexy but casual twist that rested at the base of my neck. It was held up by one simple clip that wasn't visible unless you were really looking for it. She curled a few pieces of my hair and let them frame my face. My eyes were dark, smoky, and sexy. She didn't go heavy on the blush, well because we all know that it isn't really needed. To finish it off, she painted my lips candy apple red.

We had about 30 minutes before the guys were scheduled to arrive. Emmett was going to make us a few drinks before heading out. I had figured out that we were going clubbing but had no clue where. Alice announced that it was time to get dressed. She went to her closet and pulled out four garment bags, handing us each a bag. My jaw hit the floor when I saw what their bags contained. I was too nervous to unzip mine.

Alice was wearing a black leather mini skirt, a green corset top with silver threading, fishnet stockings, black leather thigh high boots, and to finish off the outfit, a tiny black sweater that basically just covered her arms and buttoned at the top of her boobs. She reminded me of a naughty fairy.

Angela had on a pair of black leather Capri pants, a turquoise corset, black leather ankle boots, and a sweater similar to Alice's. She looked like a naughty school teacher with her glasses on. Boy was Jake in for it. I knew her glasses were a big turn on for him.

Rose's outfit made her look like she belonged in one of those muscle car magazines, sexy badass style. Her black leather pants reminded me of the ones that Sandy wore in Grease…you know, the ones that had to be sewn on her. Wow. Emmett isn't going to know what do to. Her corset top was black and she was wearing six inch stilettos. She was forgoing a sweater.

I waited until they were all dressed before I built up the courage to unzip the bag. And that was because Alice scared me into it.

"Alice, you can't be serious."

"Bella, you are going to look absolutely stunning in this. Now no complaining just put it on."

I pulled on the flesh colored fishnet stockings first, followed by the black leather shorts that were seriously as tiny as the mini skirt that Alice was wearing. Okay, so I'm exaggerating, but it was still tiny. That was followed by a candy apple red corset that was adorned with Japanese symbols in silver thread. You couldn't really tell what it was until you looked closely. It just made the corset shimmer from a distance. I blanched when I saw the boots she picked for me to wear.

"I know you can walk in these Bella. You admitted as much to me already. I promise, they won't bite."

So I grabbed the black leather knee boots with a five inch heel on them and shoved my feet into them before pulling the zipper up. I have to admit, they fit me like a glove. To finish off the outfit, Alice handed me a black sweater that only had one button the latched right below my boobs, accenting them even more. It flared open hung just below my butt. We all accessorized with silver hoop earrings, forgoing necklaces.

When I first saw what Alice picked out for us, I was worried that we were all going to look slutty, but in all honesty, we just looked really sexy. The guys were going to have their hands full tonight, that was for sure. As if they could hear my thoughts, there was a knock on the door. Rose went to answer the door while the rest of us girls made our way to the common room.

"Damn Rose. Are you trying to kill me? How am I going to keep all those horny bastards off your hot ass tonight?" Emmett groaned.

"Well if you think my ass it hot, wait until you see the others."

And it was as if she had rung a dinner bell, we could hear the guys sprinting towards the common room only to come to a dead stop when they saw us. I swear you could hear their heartbeats accelerate followed by the unmistakable sound of a big 'gulp' from each of them. I have to say, it made me smile thinking that I may have that kind of effect on Edward.

Jasper, Jake, and Edward seemed stunned speechless so it was up to Emmett to break the silence.

"Fuck ladies. It will be an honor to roll with your fine asses tonight. Just so you know, since these douche bags can't seem to form a rational thought, much less move, there is enough Em to go around. I'm sure my Rosie won't mind sharing me tonight."

That woke the guys up from their stupor. You could literally see the drool pooling in the corners of their mouths. They all walked in and expressed their utter devotion to us and our outfits. It was kind of funny. It wasn't until Edward was right in front of me, that I actually took stock of what he was wearing. He was wearing a pair of dark washed jeans that hung low…very low on his hips. His shirt was a black button up dress shirt that hugged his chest. The sleeves were unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows. His hair…well as usual, it looked like he had been running his hands through it for hours. He looked delicious.

He didn't say anything to me as he approached, just grabbed my hand and made a twirling motion with his finger. I understood what he was asking for and spun around so he could see the entire outfit. When I faced him again, his eyes were dark and hooded and he was biting his lip, like he was trying to hold back a groan. I was about to come undone right then and there.

"Hey handsome. Have fun playing video games today?" I asked as I smiled up at him.

"Yep, but not nearly as much fun as I'm going to have tonight." He stated in a very husky, sex filled voice with that damn crooked grin on his face. Oh shit, I'm in trouble.

**A/N: Okay, sorry for the cliffhanger, but I have a reason, I promise. The reason this chapter took so long was because I just couldn't get it to turn out right. Have you ever had an image in your head of the way you wanted something to turn out? Well Yeah, I had the perfect idea for this chapter, but no matter how I wrote it, it just wasn't working out. I was trying to stuff too much content into it. The clubbin was supposed to be in this chapter, but it would have made the chapter much too long and I had a lot of fun stuff planned that I didn't want to ditch.**

**Finally a light bulb went off. This is my story and I can present it however I see fit, which meant, I could split this into two chapters. So after a little editing, I feel much better about this chapter. I can now stop stressing and continue working on the next chapter. **

**Please let me know what you think of the chapter. I hope you enjoy it. **


	28. Chapter 28: Buttons, Poles, and Chairs

**A/N: First of all...THANK YOU to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. It finally made it over 100 reviews!!! Also THANKS to everyone who added this story to their alerts/favorites. I truly appreciate it. Well here's the next chapter. Keep in mind that Bella may seem really OOC, but remember that you've only seen post James Bella. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm really nervous about it.**

**Disclaimer: Pretty obvious I don't own Twilight or any of the characters....**

**Chapter 28: Buttons, Poles, and Chairs**

**BPOV**

Yep, I'm in big trouble. The combination of his lust filled eyes and his sexy voice was doing nothing to eliminate the inappropriate thoughts I was having at the moment. The least of which was throwing Edward up against the wall and licking...yes I said licking his neck. I couldn't form words much less rational thoughts. Edward wasn't helping any in the matter either. His eyes never left mine and I swear he licked his lips and eyed my mouth. Thank god for Emmett. If he hadn't broken the spell we had fallen under, there is no telling what would have happened. And that scared the shit out of me and made me giddy at the same time. I was giddy because these thoughts didn't bring on a panic attack...scared shitless, well because this was Edward.

"Hey guys, are you ready for round one?" Emmett asked as Edward ripped his eyes away from me.

I was finally able to take a deep breath and pull myself away from him. I was hoping the intensity of our moment hadn't been obvious to our friends, but no such luck. They were all looking at us with knowing smirks and holding in their laughter.

We were each on our first drink, mine which I quickly chugged, when Rose told us to bring our fake ID's with us tonight. _So it was going to be one of those nights._ I decided then and there that I was going to have fun and act my age for once. It's time for the real Bella to start making more appearances and tonight would be the perfect night to break out the portion of her that loves to dance. The only one that has a clue about my dancing abilities is Jake, and he still doesn't know about the pole dancing class I took with my mom. I think I'll leave some people in shock tonight. Of course, a little liquid courage will go a long ways. I just hope _that_ Bella will be able to keep herself in check around Edward. Alcohol may loosen me up to dance but it will also loosen up my inhibitions around Edward, and that could be dangerous for both of us.

After having two drinks a piece, Alice informed us it was time to go, so we gathered our stuff and made our way downstairs. If I thought we were stared at last night, it was nothing compared to tonight. The guys suddenly became extremely possessive. Each guy tightened their grip on their girls waist. Edward even threw his arm around me and pulled me into his side, while glaring at a guy who was pretty much eye fucking me. It was a nice place to be nestled. HIs smell was intoxicating, clouding my head much more effectively than the alcohol. We made our way outside and noticed the yellow mini van taxi that was waiting. Alice made arrangements for the transportation. We piled into the taxi and we were off. Alice had to sit in Jasper's lap but he wasn't complaining.

"So, are you guys finally going to tell me where we're going?" I asked.

"Fine, we'll be there in a minute anyway. We're going to Vertigo tonight. Emmett knows the bouncer there. His name is Demetri. He was going to 'slide' us, but that is no longer necessary due to Rose and her awesome present she gave each of us." Alice laughed. "Oh, and just so you know, it is a theme night at the club. So everyone needs to be prepared to get lei'd." She laughed again at all of our faces.

"Come on guys...lei'd...as in Hawaiian lei's. Jeez, get your minds out of the gutter. They are also having some sort of dance contest tonight, so it should be fun."

"What does the winner of the dance contest get?" Angela asked.

"Demetri told me that this is something new they are trying, to draw in more people. Whoever wins the contest, well them and their group gets their bar tab taken care of. Apparently, when you sign up to dance, you are supposed to list the members of your party as well, up to ten people. The kicker...they aren't going to announce the winner until right after last call." Emmett explained.

"So this way they draw in a crowd with the prize of a free bar tab, keep them there all night drinking and waiting for the winner to be announced. That's smart. If they announced the winner any earlier, people might leave if their group didn't get to drink for free. They are going to make a killing." Rose stated.

I actually got a little excited over this. I could show my friends that I did know how to have fun and potentially win. After all the money they've spent on me this weekend, this is something I could do for them. I knew our bar tab would be huge...ten people drinking all night and if I've learned anything, when my friends drink, they don't do the cheap stuff. I saw Jake watching me. I swear he is a mind reader sometimes. He gave me a slight smirk and nodded his head. I smiled back and shook my head, letting him know he needs to keep his mouth shut. I decided to wait until I found out exactly what kind of dance contest they were having before signing up. I didn't want to sign up only to find out I'd volunteered for amateur strip night or something. Poles I can work...but I'm not taking my clothes off.

We pulled up in front of the club and it was apparent that we weren't the only large group trying to get in tonight. The line was three blocks long.

"Uggg...I'm going to freeze waiting in line. Alice, maybe we should try another club. It may be midnight before we are able to get in." I groaned.

"Sweetie, haven't you learned yet? You are rolling with Alice...I make miracles happen. Trust me, we aren't waiting in line."

The taxi stopped right in front of the door and we all piled out. The only thing that was missing were flash bulbs. I swear I felt like I was stepping out of a limo onto a red carpet at a movie premiere or something. Everybody stopped to gawk at us. Emmett walked right up to the bouncer and did the man hug thing. This must be Demetri. The spoke for a minute and then Demetri unhooked the red velvet rope to let us pass through. You could hear the complaints coming from those waiting to get in. When I walked past Demetri, he stopped me.

"So you're the birthday girl? Can I see your ID?" He made me nervous.

I pulled out the fake ID that Rosalie had given me and held my breathe as he inspected it. I had a feeling this was Em's doing and I was so going to get him back.

"I see you're celebrating your 21st. Congratulations. Take this to the bartender and the first round is on me. Tell them Demetri sent you. Happy Birthday Bella." He laughed as he saw the petrified look in my eye. Oh yeah, he so knew that was a fake ID. I looked up and saw my whole group of friends laughing at me. I just rolled my eyes, thanked Demetri, and made my way into the club. As I walked in, the hostess for the evening placed a lei around my neck. All my friends had already been lei'd. She told us that Hawaiian themed drinks were the special for the night.

Alice called ahead and had a group of tables reserved for us close to the stage. That's right...the dance floor was a raised stage. I stopped by the bar while my other friends found their way to the tables. Edward offered to wait with me but I told him to go ahead. I only had to wait a few seconds before the bartender made his way to me.

"Can I help you?"

I handed him the poker chip that Demetri had given me, and he smirked.

"I see, first rounds on Demetri right?"

I was getting ready to answer when I felt someone's hands around my waist. I immediately tensed, but relaxed when I heard Felix's voice.

"Hey Bella! You look smokin tonight. This is my girlfriend Heidi." He said as he pointed to a stunning woman on his right. I reached my hand out to shake it but she pulled me into a hug.

"Felix talks about you all the time. I think you have gained yourself a big brother." She said as she smiled as me. Of course that made me blush.

"I'm so glad you could both make it. I had no idea what was going on tonight until just recently. My friend Alice has kept the entire weekend a secret from me. They are at the large group of table to the left of the stage. I'll be right there."

He patted my head and head off to find the group. By the time I turned around, the bartender had a bottle and on a tray.

"What's this?"

"Well when Demetri buys the first round, it's always the same. So you and your group are getting a bottle of Patron. How many shot glasses do you need?"

"Ten." I stated.

He started putting everything on a tray and then called over a server and told her to take the tray to the table that was reserved for the Cullen party. I decided I'd ask him about the dance contest.

"What exactly does this dance contest entail?"

"Well tonight is the first night of it, so pretty much anything goes...as long as you keep your clothes on." He laughed. "We have props and a pole that can be used too. Are you interested in signing up?"

I thought for a moment. Could I really do this? Would I be able to get through an entire song while dancing in front of a club full of people? I didn't know the answer, but I knew I wanted to try. This was about more than just having fun and breaking out of the Bella I had become. This was about overcoming another hurdle and tearing down more walls that had been built up. I needed to gain more confidence in myself.

"Yes, I want to sign up. But I'd prefer to go later in the night...you know, liquid courage and all."

He smiled and pulled out the sign up sheet. He told me I could withdraw my name at anytime, and that made me feel slightly better. I filled out all the appropriate information and then made my way to the table. They were all waiting on me with shot glasses in hand. Edward passed me one and Emmett's booming voice toasted me to have a kick ass 21st birthday. We all threw back the shots and surprisingly, it didn't gag me. I actually liked the taste. This could be dangerous. Emmett had already introduced Felix and Heidi to the group. I sat down beside them so I could talk to Heidi. She was really nice and funny. The entire group engaged Felix and Heidi in conversation, getting to know them better. Heidi was really interested in me retelling the story of how I met Felix. The whole group was in stitches by the time I finished with the 'air drums' story.

We did a few more shots before Alice decided it was time to dance. So all the girls made our way to the dance floor. It took me a few songs to loosen up some, but by the third song, the girls realized that I wasn't clumsy on the dance floor and actually had rhythm...if they only knew. We danced to a few more songs, switching up partners, before making our way back to the guys, who had already ordered another round of drinks. I had no clue as to what I was drinking, but it was good. I found out halfway through the drink that it was the drink of the night...'I wanna get lei'd', how original.

"Damn Bells, you can really shake your ass. I never thought you'd be able to dance with how clumsy you tend to be." Emmett sounded astonished. The rest of the guys, other than Jake, had the same look on their faces.

"Well Em, there's a lot you don't know about me. I've got moves that will make even you blush." I goaded him knowing he wouldn't be able to resist.

"Sure sure. I know Jake told us you could dance, but I thought he was joking. But regardless of how you move, I'm positive you could never make me blush. Rosie can't even make me blush. Emmett doesn't blush." He stated as he puffed out his chest.

"Wanna bet?" And those were the key words. He got a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face.

"Fuck yeah I wanna bet."

"Fine, I'll even let you set the terms." I knew I was taking a risk but I also knew that Em saw me as his little sister and if I could indeed pull off my little dance tonight, well yeah, anyone would blush seeing their little sister do that.

"Oh you're on baby doll. Here are the terms. The loser has to do anything the winner says; anytime, anywhere, without complaint."

"You're on, brother bear." I noticed the whole group looked shocked, even Jake. I'd show them. I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol and decided to sit the next dance out get some water. Edward sat with me with his arm draped on the back of my chair.

"You know, I'm a little scared for you. I haven't known Emmett long but whatever he has in mind, can't be good."

"So you are doubting my ability to make him blush? I bet I can make you blush too." I challenged.

He just grinned at me. "Well I'm certainly looking forward to whatever you have planned in the pretty head of yours. If it is enough to make Em blush, well I can only imagine the effect it will have on the rest of us."

And there we were again, right back in thrall with each other. This time it was Jake that broke the spell.

"Come on Bells, let's dance. It's been way too long."

So I followed Jake to the dance floor.

"You're doing the dance contest tonight, aren't you? That's got to be the reason you are so confident that you would make that bet with Em."

"Don't say anything to the group. I want to surprise them. I think I may even surprise you too."

"I've seen you dance, doubt you can surprise me."

"Wanna bet?" I laughed at his expression.

"I'm not that stupid Bells."

"Let's just say after tonight, you will know know what the mystery class is that I took with my mom. Oh and have your phone handy. I want proof of Em's red cheeks." He laughed and we continued dancing. No matter how we danced, it didn't feel weird. We were that comfortable with each other. But we kept it mostly clean.

The song ended and I was quickly passed off to Emmett. For a big guy, he was a really good dancer. Of course I was more reserved dancing with him than I had been with Jake.

"So you really think you're gonna win that bet, huh?"

"I don't make bets that I know I can't win." I stated confidently.

It didn't feel right bumping and grinding with Em, so we kept it clean and mixed it up with some fun, including spinning and dipping me, like we were Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

I took a quick break and went to the table and order a bottle of water. Alice order another round of drinks, Blue Lagoons. I chugged my water, trying to cool off, while the others did another shot and worked on their drinks. Alice decided to sit the next song out so Jasper asked me to dance. I was shocked at how comfortable with the guys I was, but they just made me feel so at ease. I was getting anxious to dance with Edward though. Jasper talked about how much fun Alice had planning this weekend. He was an even better dance than Em. Our dancing was a little less clean than with Em, but then again, I didn't see Jasper as much of a big brother as I saw Em.

I was surprised when Felix stole me away from Jasper. He seemed to really be having a good time. I wasn't sure how Heidi would react to Felix dancing with a girl she had just met, but she was dancing with Jasper and winked at me. I felt like we were friends already. The music was wonderful, a great mix of old and new. I was getting excited because the song I chose to dance to hadn't been played yet. I hoped it stayed that way.

Alice and the girls stole me away from Felix and we danced together for a few songs, while the guys had 'manly' drinks, as the so eloquently stated. Guess they were tired of the girly fufu drinks. I finally had to break the seal, as Rose called it, and made my way to the bathroom, accompanied by all the girls. Because we all know, girls travel in packs.

There were already another round of fruity drinks waiting for us when we got back to the table. We were all feeling the effects of the liquor, feeling good but not drunk. I knew I needed to walk a fine line for the rest of the night, or at least until it was my turn to dance. I certainly didn't want to have too much alcohol in my system and make a fool of myself, but I also wanted to have just enough to give me the courage I needed. See, a very fine line. I was sitting next to Edward, talking about nothing of consequence when I felt his hand brush against the back of my neck. I was in awe of how the lightest touch could make my body tingle so much. He leaned over and started whispering in my ear.

"Have I told you how incredible you look tonight? You are by far the most beautiful women here." He said in his silky sexy lust filled voice. I needed to get away from him before I did something that I would regret...not regret doing to him, just regret the place where I did it, inside a crowded club.

Right then the DJ saved me from myself. I heard one of Muse's new songs blaring throughout the club and pulled Edward to the dance floor with me. He instantly recognized the song as well. I hadn't danced with Edward before but it felt so natural, like we'd dance a million times before. He danced better than any of the guys I had danced with tonight. Yeah, that's what I was telling myself at least. The truth was, I actually allowed myself to really dance with him. As the song continued to play, I couldn't help but think the words of the song fit us pretty well. Even if we didn't know each others past, it wasn't hard for either of us to figure out that the other had been terribly hurt.

_I know you suffered_

_But I don't want you to hide_

_It's cold and loveless_

_I won't let you be denied_

The beat was amazing. I could feel the base pumping through my body, causing me to sway my body against Edward and damn, if felt amazing.

_Soothe me_

_I'll make you feel pure_

_Trust me_

_You can be sure_

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask_

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

I think I heard Edward gasp as he listened to the words of the chorus. If Edward truly was developing the type of feelings for me that I was developing for him, the lyrics could apply to each of us. He pulled me closer to him and started grinding against me. I was in heaven as I felt his muscled body against mine.

_You take your lovers that you're wicked and divine_

_You may be a sinner_

_But your innocence is mine_

He spun me around so now my back was to his chest. I felt his hands plant themselves on my hips and we started moving in sync once again. I looked up and saw my friends gawking at us. I closed my eyes and only focused on the way it felt to dance with Edward. I didn't want to think about our friends or anyone else at the moment. Seemingly of their own accord, my arms snaked their way around Edward's neck and my hands found themselves tangled in his hair. I had been wanting to run my fingers through his hair from the moment I met him.

_Please me_

_Show me how it's done_

_Tease me_

_You are the one_

I swear I felt Edward's lips on my neck, but I shook off that feeling. There was no way he would be doing that. But my god, did it feel wonderful, even if I was only imagining it.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask_

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

By the time the song was over, we were both breathing pretty hard. I composed myself the best I could before turning to him.

"Wow, you are an amazing dancer." I was finally able to breath out.

"I can say the same thing about you." He said in a strained voice. Thank god the music continued.

We danced together for the next hour to a variety of songs. Some were fast with great beats, others were slow and seductive, while still others were just fun to dance to. It felt like we were the only two in the room. Each dance, no matter they type of music, started becoming more and more sensual and sexual. Hands started roaming. I felt him palm my ass a few times and I never once flinched away. I couldn't help but grope his chest, arms, and back. I even squeezed his ass once or twice and boy was it nice and firm. I knew Edward was getting excited. I could feel _him_ pressed into my back and my hip while we danced. Surprisingly, I didn't blush. What was surprising to me was that I wanted to feel more. At that thought, I knew I finally needed to take a break so I motioned towards our table and he got the idea. I knew we both needed to escape the situation. The sexual tension was beginning to get to me.

"Thanks for the dances Edward." I said as I sat down.

"The pleasure was all mine." He smiled.

Once again, there were drinks waiting for us. As well as a table full of our friends staring at us in wide eyed wonder. I quickly chugged my drink, not wanted to deal with them at the moment. I ordered another round of drinks, knowing I'd regret it in the morning but for now I was just living in the moment. While we were finishing off the latest round of drinks, the DJ announced that the dance competition would be starting.

We watched a few girls get up and attempt to dance. It was pretty obvious that they took the liquid courage a bit too far. One girl even feel flat on her face. I felt bad for her. The bartender gave me the signal, letting me know that I was up next. I excused myself to go to the bathroom. Of course the girls offered to go but I convinced them that it wasn't necessary. I walked to the other side of the stage, away from my friends, so they couldn't see me. The butterflies in my stomach felt like they were getting ready to take flight. I nearly backed out but before I could make my feet move, I heard the opening rifts of my song and the DJ announced me as 'Isabella', wonder how long it will take my friends to figure this out.

As the opening rifts of "Buttons" by the Pussy Cat Dolls played, I started my ascent up the stairs, taking a few calming breaths as I went. Once I was on stage, I noticed that the chair I requested had been set up by the edge of the stage. There were about twenty seconds of music before Snoop started. So I did a few hip and shoulder rolls, as well as some ass drops as I made my way to the pole. The first verse started as I reached the pole.

_What it do baby boo_

_Yeah, little mama you lookin' good_

_I see you wanna play with a player from the hood_

_Come holla at me, you got it like that_

_Big, Snoop Dogg with_ _the lead Pussycat_

_I show you how it go down, yeah, I wanna go down_

_Me and you, one on one, treat you like a showdown_

_You look at me and I look at you_

_I'm reachin' for your shirt what you want me to_ _do_

This was one of the routines we learned in the pole dancing class I took. My instructor altered the dance from the video and included a pole as well as kept the chair routine too. I took another deep breath to calm my nerves. I still hadn't gotten up the nerve to look at my friends. I reached the pole and did a few spins before I finally made eye contact...with Edward.

**EPOV**

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gulp

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need to breath

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pants are getting uncomfortably tight

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WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I know what I'm seeing in front of me cannot be real, can it? I looked to the others around the table for confirmation or denial and sure enough, everybody's eyes were as big as softballs. There's my confirmation. Well everyone except for Jake, and even he looked a tad bit surprised. The guys were having a hard time keeping the drool from escaping their mouths.

Bella. On stage. A pole. A chair. Pussy Cat Dolls. Leather. Corset. The combination was making it hard to function.

As the chorus started, Bella started grinding on the pole. She turned her back to it and reached over her head and grabbed the pole. In time with the music, she slide down the pole, rolling her hips and spreading her knees apart as she lowered herself to the floor, in a very slow precise, but in time with the music, move.

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) _

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) _

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

"Well I guess I know what the mystery class was." Jake said.

"Go ahead Emmett. This is your free pass. Hell, I'm even turned on. She looks sexy as hell up there." Rosalie said as she laughed at the look of awe on her boyfriend's face.

"Hell yeah Bells!!! Shake that sexy ass!!!" Alice shouted, causing a smile to spread across Bella's face.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. The look she had given me when she first reached the pole was the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my entire fucking life. I was done for, I couldn't move. So I sat back and enjoyed the show.

_Typical and hardly_

_The type I fall for_

_I like it when the physical_

_Don't leave me askin' for more _

_I'm a sexy mama (mama) _

_Who knows just how to get what I wanna (wanna)_

_What I wanna do is bring this on ya (on ya)_

_Backup all the things that I told ya (told ya) (told ya, told ya, told ya)_

Bella continued dancing around the pole during the second verse of the song. She was spinning and shaking her ass the entire time. She did a few drops that nearly made me lose it. When the line 'I'm a sexy mama' rang out, Bella was spinning around the pole. One minute her hair was up in a twist and the next it was flying around her face in a very seductive way. I never saw her reach for the clip.

_You've been sayin'_

_All the right things all night long _

_But I can't seem to get you over here_

_To help take this off _

_Baby can't you see (see)_

_How these clothes are fittin' on me (me)_

_And the heat comin' from this beat (beat)_

_I'm about to blow, I don't think you know_

During the next part of the song, Bella made her way to the front of the stage, by this time all the girls at our table were on their feet cheering for her. They guys at our table couldn't seem to decide if they wanted to stare at Bella or glare at all the other guys that were staring at her. Bella was rolling her hips and throwing her hair around at this point. She started running her hands up her body and when she reached the button her her sweater, she started undoing the button. When the Pussy Cat Dolls sang 'To help take this off', Bella started peeling it away from her body unveiling her very tight, very sexy, very revealing corset. I guess she saw her moment to win the bet because she walked, no strutted in her fuck me heels, to the edge of the stage, looked directly at Emmett, did another hip roll, dropped to the floor, and threw her sweater right in his face.

It was at that moment that Jake whipped out his cell phone and took a picture of...yep you guessed it... a blushing Emmett.

He was left just as speechless as I was, well almost. He kept saying 'no, no, no', but I think it was because he realized he lost the bet in addition to finding out that his 'lil sis' was a hot sexy minx who was dancing around a pole in a bar full of horny guys. I on the other hand, just couldn't form any words. I watched as she danced around the pole some more and nearly ran on stage and tackled her as she actually spun around it, using her hands to lift her entire body off the floor. She had one knee hooked around the pole and was leaning back so the line of her body was on display...she was flexible.

It wasn't until she started making her way to the chair that was on stage that I realized the chair was part of her dance. Just the thoughts of what she needed a chair for made me harder than I already was. She reached the chair and brought it to the center of the dance floor.

_You say you're a big boy_

_But I can't agree _

_'Cuz the love you said you had_

_Ain't been put on me _

_I wonder (wonder)_

_If I'm just too much for you, wonder (wonder) _

_If my kiss don't make you just wonder (wonder)_

_What I got next for you, what you wanna do (do)_

_Take a chance to recognize _

_That this could be yours _

_I can see just like most guys_

_That your game don't please _

She used the chair as if it were an extension of her body. She danced around it, over it, on top of it. I knew she was sexy but damn, she was fucking stunning on stage. I never really thought of her as having long legs, but with the combination of the short shorts, the boots, and the way she was dancing, all I could imagine was having those long graceful legs wrapped around me. I knew these thoughts were going to get me in trouble, I mean, we were just friends...for now at least. I looked at Em and damn if he wasn't blushing again. This time, all the girls, and Jake had their cell phones out taking pictures. They were making sure he wasn't going to get out of this bet.

_Baby can't you see (see)_

_How these clothes are fittin' on me (me)_

_And the heat comin' from this beat (beat)_

_I'm about to blow, I don't think you know _

By this point, our entire group had made our way to the edge of the stage. Emmett, Jake, and Felix even made it a point to 'intimidate' some of the other guys that had decided to crowd the stage as well.

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)_

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) _

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

Bella walked to the edge of the stage where our group was located, leaned down, and whispered in my ear.

"Edward, can you help me out with this next part? I need you on stage." She winked at me and I felt my knees turn to jello...and another part of my body spring to attention, yet again.

So what could I do? I climbed on stage as she took my hand and let me to the chair.

"Sit, don't touch, and enjoy." She told me seductively. I had never seen this side of Bella...I liked it, a lot.

_Now you can get what you want_

_But I need what I need_

_And let me tell you what's crack-a-lackin 'fo I proceed_

_I'ma show you where to put it that_

_PCD on me, yeah, I thought I saw a pussy cat_

_You roll with the big dog_

_All six of y'all on me_

_Now tell me how ya feel babydoll_

_Ashley, Nicole_

_Carmit, Jessica, Kimberly, Melody_

_You tellin' me_

As Snoop did his thing with the next part, Bella danced all around me, touch nearly every part of my body. She started circling around me and spoke the next part in my ear.

_Ha, ha... hot!_

_Ha, ha... loosen up_

_Ha, ha... yeah..._

_Ha, ha... I can't take this_

She then proceeded to do an actually belly dance. It took every bit of my self control not to reach out and touch her, grab her, kiss her, lick her, hell anything to her. But I sat there like a good boy and just enjoyed. I knew I needed to think about what all this meant for 'us', was all this fueled by alcohol or was the alcohol only making the both of us open up more? These were all things that needed to be considered...later, but for now I was just enjoying being overloaded with Bella.

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) _

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) _

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah) _

Right before the last chorus of the song, she did one more dance around me before straddling my lap. She ran her hands through my hair, gripping it tight, and pulled my head back. She leaned in and planted a kiss right under my ear.

"That's payback." I was shocked because I had no clue she actually felt me brush my lips against her neck earlier. But then she one upped me. She pulled my face to hers and planted a kiss right on my lips. It was a chaste kiss but it felt like it was full of promises.

"Thanks for helping me out. You can go back to our friends now."

I jumped down from the stage and watched as she continued dancing. She finished the dance, utilizing the pole again.

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) _

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) _

_But you keep frontin' (uh) _

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) _

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah) _

To say the noise of the crowd was deafening as she made her way off stage would be the understatement of the night. We made our way back to the table and I was in a pure daze. Jake was smart enough to go meet her by the stairs that lead to the stage/dance floor. He didn't want her walking through the crowd of horny males by herself. I should have thought of that, but once again, all my blood had flowed to one part of my body, and my brian wasn't it.

"Wow Bella!!! Where did you learn that? You have to teach us that." Alice shouted as Bella approached our table.

"Well now the cats out of the bag...last year, my mom talked me into taking a pole dancing class with her. It was actually really fun. I never even told Jake that I took that class." She stated.

"You told me." I said.

"Well I had to." She smiled. "It was an answer to one of your questions when we played 20 questions. I'm surprised you didn't spill my secret earlier."

"I wasn't really thinking about anyone else earlier." I mumbled, but I think she heard me anyway.

Emmett still hadn't said anything to her. Jake whipped out his cell phone and started showing Bella the pictures he took. The girls followed. She had plenty of proof that Emmett could in fact, blush.

"So brother bear..."

"Don't start short stuff. But at least our bar tab will be taken care of tonight." He laughed.

"You think so?" How could she doubt herself. No one else that had danced could even come close to Bella.

"BELLA!!!" We all shouted.

"What the hell girl, you were hot up there. I would be willing to bet the entire contents of my bank account that you win by a long shot." Rose stated.

"No more bets tonight please. I've had enough." She said as Em laughed.

"Well at least you came out on the winning end. Not only did I lose but damn Bells, you just made being your big brother even more difficult." He said while she laughed at his pained expression.

"Let's drink. I don't have to worry about busting my ass now." She laughed as Jake and her walked to the bar to get more drinks.

"Damn Edward. I think you are the envy of every guy in this place tonight. And quite possibly most of the girls too." Em stated and Rose laughed. He was really taken advantage of his free pass.

But surprisingly Alice and Jasper both agreed.

"I would have sat in that chair if she had asked me." Alice said, shocking the hell out of me.

"So does this mean you can officially move out of the 'friends' category?" Jasper questioned.

"I have no clue, but I'm not about to ruin the night to find out. I'll deal with it later. I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the evening."

Bella seemed almost shy when she walked back to the table and set down beside me. I couldn't figure out why in the world she would be embarrassed around me now. Not after that performance.

"Edward, did I cross any lines tonight?" Of course, she was worried she made me uncomfortable.

"Not at all Bella. I have thoroughly enjoyed myself tonight. One of the best nights I've ever had. I'll be a prop for you anytime." I grinned at her.

She smiled and then seemed to contemplate something.

"We need to talk later, but for tonight, let's just be and have fun."

"Sounds good Bella." I grabbed two shot glasses from the middle of the table and raised a toast to her, which she quickly downed.

We ended up on the dance floor a little while later, just having fun and enjoying the company of our friends. We weren't really dancing with anyone in particular, our whole group was more or less dancing together. The guys made a circle around the girls to keep any pervs away from them. I was actually surprised that no guys had approached Bella tonight, but I guess between all the guys in our group, especially Jake, Em, and Felix, and her little performance with me on stage, she was pretty much seen as off limits. For that I was eternally grateful.

At 1:30, we were still all dancing when the DJ made the announcement for last call. Em, thinking ahead, had slipped away from the group and rushed to the bar before the crowd. He ordered us each a drink and a shot. The last of way too many for the night. I was surprised we were all still standing, let alone walking. We met him back at the table. He was grinning like a mad man. He had gotten each guy a shot of Patron but each girl had a dark colored shot with whipped cream on top. A blow job shot. After Em explained that they couldn't use their hands to take the shot, the fun began. Each girl set the shot glass in front of them and held their hands behind their backs. Bella asked me to hold her hair back so it wouldn't get in the way. Jake counted to three and all the girls leaned forward and attempted to wrap their mouths around the shot glasses. Only Bella, Rose, and Heidi succeeded. Once they had the shot glasses in their mouths, they threw their heads back and took the shot.

Alice and Angela ended up using their hands, but it was all in good fun. Let's just say that seeing Bella do that shot did nothing to calm the blue balls I was sure to have in the morning. My thoughts were as far from gentlemanly as possible. By this point in the night, we were pretty much all toasted. Bella held her liquor a lot better than I thought she would. Of course, she had been downing a lot more water than the rest of us; smart girl. She'd probably be better off than any of us come morning.

The DJ took center stage and called each person's name that participated in the dance contest to come to join him. I walked Bella over and helped her up. There were ten total that signed up. There were a few that did a good job, a few who were terrible, but nobody even came close to being in the same realm as Bella, and i wasn't just being biased. The DJ had a device that registered the decibel level. Who ever got the highest reading on the meter, won the contest. Bella definitely had it in the bag with Jake, Em, and Alice cheering for her. They all had a set of lungs on them.

The DJ explained how the winner would be chosen and reminded everyone what the prize was. He asked the crowd to cheer for their favorite. He then walked behind each girl and measured the crowd response. There were a few polite cheers for the girl who fell on her face and the ones that were way too drunk to dance. The cheers got louder for the ones who actually knew how to dance. But when the DJ got to Bella, it was no contest. She won hands down. I think our group alone could have maxed out the meter.

Leave it to Bella to turn bright red at all the applause, hoots, and hollers when she didn't even bat an eyelash while swinging herself around that pole or giving me a lap dance. I don't know that I'll ever figure out the workings of her mind, and to tell you the truth, I don't know if I want to. It's one of the things that intrigues me the most about her. She never reacts how I think she will.

Everyone congratulated her as she made her way off the stage. We gathered our things and headed out to catch our taxi. We may not have had to pay for our drinks, but we were sure to leave the bartender a nice tip. We all told Felix and Heidi bye, made plans to hang out again, and they made their way to their own cab. They were pretty cool to hang out with. Despite having way too much to drink, no one was ready for the night to end. We decided to make a stop at the liquor store and then head back to the girls dorm. Bella was sitting next to me in the taxi and I couldn't help but notice how close she was, practically sitting in my lap. She had her head on my shoulder and I could feel her warm breath against my neck and her pianist fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. It felt fantastic. She started placing soft kisses along my neck and it took everything in me not to moan. I didn't want to draw attention to us. I didn't want her to stop. I knew we were both drunk and this wasn't how I wanted things to start, but being drunk, my more rational side was quickly quieted. Yep, she and I were in need of a serious talk, but for now, I'd enjoy it. I just hope she doesn't hate me for it in the morning.

We made it back to the dorm around 2:30 and decided to get comfortable. None of us guys had any clothes but fortunately the girls were able to find us stuff to lounge in. Bella had some old basketball shorts and a few of Jake's shirts. Rose found some stuff of Em's in her closet so he and Jasper were covered. Bella insisted that we all drink at least a bottle of water before we started drinking again. We complied because we knew we needed the hydration.

Since Bella seemed to enjoy the Patron at the club so much, Em got a bottle of that to start us off. Only he made doing shots a lot more interesting. He suggested body shots. Bella had never done one and was actually jumping up and down in excitement. I noticed she was giving Rose a look and I knew we were in trouble.

Em got the shots ready, cut up the limes, and set out the salt shaker. Em walked up to Rose and started telling her where he wanted to lick the salt from when she abruptly stopped him.

"Who said you were doing a shot off me right now? Bella come here." And once again, Em was speechless. This night has got to be a record for him.

"Bella, I know you've never done one of these before, so I'll go first and show you how it's done. Lay on the couch."

Bella did as she was told. Em handed Rose the salt shaker and a lime slice. Rose told Bella to turn her head to the side and when she did, Rose licked her neck. Bella giggled. Rose then sprinkled the salt over the trail she just licked, told Bella to hold the lime between her teeth, grabbed the shot glass from Em. I looked over and noticed that Angela and Alice had taken up similar positions, Alice would be taking the shot. I focused on Bella and Rose because, well Alice was my sister and that just wasn't right.

Rose explained the order of things to Bella and Em and I watched as Rose leaned over and licked the salt from Bella's neck, took the shot, and then seductively took the lime from Bella's mouth. It was fucking hot. Em groaned and I wasn't far behind him. After making sure Bella knew what to do, she and Rose traded placed. I heard Jasper and Jake mutter 'fuck' and knew that their girls were taking their shots as well.

For someone who had never done a body shot before, Bella looked like a pro. She full out laughed after she did her shot.

"Rose, I almost kissed you. I've never kissed a girl. Your lips were so soft." Yep Bella was definitely feeling the effects from the long night of drinking.

The guys were getting impatient.

"Can we have our turn now?" Jake whined but we all agreed.

I knew exactly what my plan of action was, I just hoped Bella didn't beat the shit out of me.

"Bella, I'm taking my shot off you. Will you lay down on the floor?"

"No problem, but I get to take my next shot off you as pay back." She winked. I was looking forward to payback. So far it had been good to me tonight.

Once she was on the floor, I took my position beside her. I took a deep breath before I started.

"Bella if any of this makes you uncomfortable, let me know." I may be drunk, but despite all my inappropriate thoughts that had been running through my head, my mom raised a gentleman. She nodded and just stared at me. So I just went for it.

I licked her collar bone, trailed the salt over it, placed the lime between her lips, and the big risk taker...I placed the shot glass between her cleavage that was exposed due to the tank top she was wearing. Everyone was watching us with rapt interest. I knew we'd have a lot of explaining to do, but before we could do that, she and I had to talk. But I just shrugged off that thought and went with it.

I licked the salt off her collar bone and my god did she taste good. I gently took the shot glass from between her breast and threw my head back before leaning down and taking the lime from her mouth, linger a bit longer than necessary. She giggled and then just started at me.

"My turn. Switch places with me. Em, can you bring me the supplies." She stated.

Once she had everything in her reach she told me to lift my shirt. She went right for the top of the 'V' close to my hips. I couldn't help the involuntary jerk when her tongue touched my skin. She placed the shot glass on the floor close to the curve of my neck and then the lime between my lips.

I could feel her hot breath against my skin before she drug her tongue across the salt trail on my lower abdomen. She left a trail of goosebumps in her wake and my body felt like it was on fire. I could feel her hair against my skin as she made her way to the shot glass. As she bent down to the the glass in her mouth, I felt her nose grazing my neck followed by a flick of her tongue. She had to know what this was doing to me. She threw her head back, swallowing the liquid before bending down and taking the lime out of my mouth. She placed a soft kiss on my lips, then sucked the lime dry. There was some clearing of throats behind us, which caused her to quickly jerk her head up and meet the eyes of our friends.

Thankfully they didn't say anything and instead suggested we play a game. Bella suggested a game her and her friends used to play, but couldn't remember the name of it. Each person wrote down five names of someone famous or someone that everybody in the group knew and placed them all in a hat or bag. There were no teams or points, it was just for run. There were three rounds, the round was over after all pieces of paper had been pulled. During the first round, you drew a name, you could then use as many words as you could think of to describe the name on the paper in order to get the other players to guess. The second round was pretty much the same but you were limited to three words. The last round was when the fun really started. You couldn't use words at all, just actions.

It was hilarious. It wasn't quite as hard as it seemed. By the third round, we had already gone through the names twice so it was somewhat easy to figure out the person in question, but it was still rib cracking funny. Especially seeing Em act out Jenna Jameson. He actually laid on the floor and pretended to hump somebody. It was a good thing the game was nearly over because I don't know that we could have gone on much longer. We were having so much fun playing, that nobody drank anything during the game, but we really didn't need to. We had enough in our systems. We did drink water, but that was because Bella kept telling us to rehydrate.

It was decided that we would have a big sleep over in the common room that night so the girls went in search of pillows and blankets while us guys picked out a movie to watch. We decided on The Departed. Once the girls made their way back to the common room with mountains of linens, Bella suggested one more round of shots to end the night. Who were we to refuse the birthday girl? This time the couples huddled to themselves. Alice drug Jasper to her and Bella's room, while Em carried Rose to her room, Jake and Angela stayed in the little area that they called the kitchen so Bella and I went back to the common room.

"Ladies first."

She decided to put the salt on my neck this time and to just hold her shot glass. She lingered on my neck before she took her shot, when it was time for her to take the lime from me, she hesitated a moment, her gaze flickering between my lips and eyes. But then she gently took the lime from me and smiled after she sucked on it.

"Your turn." She said shyly.

I chose to leave the salt trail on her neck this time and followed her lead and held my own shot glass., once again placing the lime between her lips. I licked the salt from her neck, enjoying the taste of Bella that was very apparent underneath the salt taste, quickly downed my shot, and then started for the lime. You can imagine my shock when instead of the lime, my lips met hers. I felt her tongue brush my bottom lip. I was stunned stupid for a split second before reality hit me. Bella was trying to kiss me, a real kiss, and not because we were putting on a show for anyone. I quickly parted my lips and slipped my tongue out to meet hers. It wasn't a passion filled kiss but a soft and gentle kiss. But hell it was amazing. Her tongue was soft against mine, not fighting for dominance but just enjoying the ride. She moved her head to the side slightly, allowing the kiss to deepen. She trailed her hands up and down my back and I couldn't help but twist my hands in her hair, effectively holding her even closer to me. Although she tasted like tequila, salt, and lime, I could still taste Bella. Sweet, delicious Bella.

This was right, this was what I had been missing. No more playing games or pretending. This is what I wanted. I wanted her. I only hope that the light of morning doesn't change things for Bella.

I would have continued with my internal ramblings if not for the queen of perfect timing sister of mine. She was trying so damn hard, but a small squeal of delight managed to slip from her lips. I was surprised when Bella didn't immediately pull away or turn red. Instead she gently ended the kiss and smiled at me.

"Wow." She whispered.

"Wow indeed." I smiled back at her.

For once in her life, Alice actually stayed silent, but her smile spoke volumes. We situated ourselves on the blanket on the floor just as the others made their way back into the common room. Bella had the biggest grin on her face and I'm pretty sure mine mirrored hers.

Rose turned off all the lights while Em started the movie. Angela passed around the aspirin and a few bottles of water and instructed us to take those before bed. We all complied and then settled in to watch the movie. Bella curled herself around me and before I knew it she was asleep.

I looked at Alice and she looked so truly happy for me. She reached over and grabbed my hand.

"It's good to have you back Edward."

I knew what she was talking about. The Edward she grew up with and loved, the one that disappeared because of Jessica, was coming back full force and it was all because of Bella.

I fell asleep with her wrapped in my arms for the second straight night, but somehow tonight was different. We still had one hell of a discussion in front of us. There was still some pretty fucked up shit we needed to talk about and sort through. There were some major decisions ahead for the both of us. But that was for another day. All that mattered in this moment was that tonight Bella managed to tear down the remaining bits of the brick wall that I had built up around my heart. Tonight she finally destroyed the last remaining part of the protective bubble that I had wrapped my mind in. Tonight she managed to obliterate the last pieces of all defenses that I had put in place to keep myself from feeling. Tonight Bella Swan managed to bring Edward Cullen back to life.

Tomorrow we would see if she would destroy me.

**A/N: So there you go...we are FINALLY getting somewhere. The next chapter is already written and chapter 30 is well on it's way. I finally figured out how to get over writer's block...read something that has absolutely nothing to do with Twilight. So last week I read all four books of the Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs...Highly recommend if you haven't read.**

**I also have a few rec's for you.**

**Rhapsody in B by Lillybellis (and it's not just because of the name) (Bella/Edward story)**

**Underexposed by daisy3853 (excellent Bella/Jasper story)**

**Never Again by pattyslove (Bella/Edward story)**

**Learning to Breathe by onoM (if you are a Harry Potter fan, this is a very intriguing story about Harry/Ginny)**

**Please read and review. I love to hear your thoughts on this story.**


	29. Chapter 29: Destroy Me, Destroy You

**A/N: Well here is the next chapter. I had quite a bit of fun writing this one. Thanks to everyone that left me a review for the last chapter. I also want to say thanks to all the newbies that have added this story to their alerts/favorites.**

**Thanks to holleyt for the excellent suggestion for this chapter. You can all thank her for the way this chapter ends. **

**Jess110426 - Your review made me smile and I really needed it today.**

**Okay the last bit of this A/N. After rereading some of the beginning chapters, I realized that I stated in one place that Edward and Jessica met over Spring Break. That is not accurate. They met during the summer before their senior year of high school. I apologize for any confusion that may have caused.**

**Disclaimer: Still doesn't belong to me.....**

**Chapter 29: Destroy Me, Destroy You**

**EPOV**

I woke up with a god awful splitting headache, my body was sore from two consecutive nights of sleeping on the floor, my muscles ached from hours upon hours of dancing the night before, my stomach felt like it was being tossed around during the middle of a storm due to the copious amounts of alcohol consumed, but despite the physical state of my body...I was euphoric. I could think of nothing but Bella. Bella's eyes, Bella's lips, Bella's hair, the way Bella moved last night, Bella's smell, the way Bella felt pressed against me, the way Bella tasted...and yep, now I'm wide awake. Bella, Bella, Bella consumed my every though. Nothing else seemed to matter but her. I was so caught up in thoughts of Bella that it took a while before I realized that the space next to me was empty...and cold. I opened my eyes, hoping that they would find her, but they didn't. I sat up, anxious to see if she had moved to another part of the room, but she hadn't. I stood up and made my way to her room...it was empty, as was the bathroom. I couldn't find her anywhere. I wanted to see her. I needed to see her. We had so much to talk about and I was ready for that conversation. But she wasn't here.

I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. I started to panic and my irrational, less logical side started to take over. Where was she? Why did she run away? I knew things were too good to be true, but I was so sure that she was developing feelings for me. After last night, I knew she felt something, even if only a physical attraction. I guess I deluded myself into believing that she may actually care for me. Seems I had my answer as to whether she allowed the alcohol to influence her. How could I be so stupid? I was convinced that she was the one that could fix me, heal me. She had managed to break through all the walls and safe guards I had built around myself. I was so willing to open myself up to her. I knew that we were facing some issues from both of our pasts but I thought that we could overcome whatever they may be.

I had plans to tell her everything, today as a matter of fact. I wanted to take her to breakfast, then to the music room to work on our piece. If the weather was nice, I thought that the pier would be the perfect place to talk, to let her in, to divulge my past to her and to make it clear that I wanted more than friendship with her, and not to just pretend to keep Jessica away. I wanted her in my life. No, it was more than that, I needed her in my life. I felt like my old self around her and she made me realize how much of my true self I had been hiding and locking away.

I had hoped that I was doing the same for her. Her parents and Jake had even said how much she has changed since coming to Washington. I knew I couldn't take full credit for that, but I thought that I something to do with it, but now I'm doubting that. I knew I needed to get out of here and fast. I could feel myself spiraling out of control and I wanted to do that when I was alone. There was a nagging thought in the back of my head that told me I just needed to wait and not jump to conclusions like I did the day that I saw her with Jake. We promised each other that we would always talk, but here I was contemplating running, like I had done for the past eight months. This was 'post Jessica' Edward behavior; running away instead of facing my problems, but I had been on edge since meeting Bella, just waiting to get hurt again; for something to go wrong. I guess I was my own self fulfilling prophesy. I was so sure I was going to be hurt that I didn't even allow myself to fully believe that things would work out. Seems like I jinxed my own happiness.

I didn't want to believe that Bella would do that to me though. She was not that type of person. She was caring and compassionate, not cruel and hurtful. But there was only one explanation for her absence that I could think of. She regretted last night. I knew I shouldn't have indulged myself. But I swear she seemed to want it just as much as I did. I knew that alcohol lowered ones inhibitions, but she never seemed overly drunk. She was probably scared to tell me that it was all a mistake and that she only saw me as a friend. Despite all the assurances that my friends and family had given me as well as all the signals I thought Bella had been sending my way, I could no longer believe what they were telling me. I could no longer hold out hope that Bella wanted me like I wanted her. Last night I had a revelation that Bella Swan had brought me back to life. I remember the last thought I had before drifting off to sleep...I hoped that she wouldn't destroy me. That hope was now diminished. The proof was so blatantly obvious.

She was gone.

**BPOV**

I woke up surrounded by the intoxicating scent of Edward. I was physically wrapped up in his strong arms, my nose buried in the crook of his neck. It was a very nice place to be. I was emotionally surrounded by Edward as well. Last night wasn't the way I had planned to let him know I wanted more than friendship, but I don't think it was a bad way either. We were both adults and it was time we started acting like it. There would be no more of this tiptoeing around one another, no 'check yes or no' letters to be passed back and forth. I wanted him and I was pretty sure he wanted me as well. Last night was absolutely amazing. Despite the slight headache I had, I was in heaven. I sent up a small prayer thanking God that I had drank so much water last night. I couldn't help but stare at Edward while he slept. He was a stunning creature; caring, compassionate, intelligent, talented, gorgeous, just amazing...he was perfect for me. I knew I needed to tell him everything about James and Phoenix before we could officially be together. I didn't think it would change his mind about me, but I wanted it all out on the table. I didn't want anything to potentially mess things up for us. I would tell him today. I'm tired of waiting.

I wanted to do something nice for him as well as my friends for the incredible weekend they had given me. I actually enjoyed my birthday for once. As much as I hated to leave the comfort of Edward's arms, I needed to in order to go get everyone breakfast. I carefully slipped out from under his arm, placed a soft kiss on his cheek, got up, and got dressed. I grabbed the spare set of keys to Jake's car and hurried out of the building. I wanted to be back before Edward woke up. I made it to the diner ten minutes later and placed the massive order. I knew everyone would be hungry, despite the hangovers I was sure they would all have. I ordered five pancake platters, five french toast plates, extra bacon and sausage, four orders of breakfast potatoes, and eight coffee's. Thankfully, all the food was placed in a box so it was easier for me to carry. They ended up just pouring the coffee in a gallon jug so I wouldn't spill the cups.

I don't know how I managed to get everything up to the room without dropping, spilling, or tripping, but I did. Alice and Jasper were awake as were Angela and Rose, Emmett and Jake were still out cold, and Edward...I didn't see Edward.

"Bella, where were you? I was getting worried." Alice asked.

"I went to get everyone breakfast." And that immediately woke Emmett and Jake up.

"Alice, where's Edward? I didn't want to wake him up this morning, so I snuck out."

"I don't know. I thought he was with you. He was gone when I woke up."

Jake was already unpacking all the food and Emmett was inhaling the pancake platter that was in his hand. I went to my room to call Edward but his phone went to voicemail, so I tried his room number to no avail. I decided to call his cell again and left a message for him to call me.

I walked back to the common room and grabbed a plate of food, although my appetite had disappeared. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong. I was worried about Edward. Why had he left without so much as a word to anyone? I guess I had done the same thing this morning, but I had my cell phone with me the whole time and he never called. Alice could tell I was worried and called him. He didn't answer. After everyone ate, the guys decided to head back to their rooms for showers and to catch up on some homework. We didn't talk about last night. I wasn't the only one that felt that something was off.

Jasper called when he made it back to his room to tell us that Edward wasn't there and there was no note indicating where Edward may have gone. Edward's messenger bag was missing so that most likely meant he was either at the library or at the hospital. Alice called the hospital and found out that he wasn't there, so I decided to check the library and the music building, with no luck. I needed a minute to think. The feeling of dread that was sitting in the pit of my stomach was intensifying. I made my way to the park on campus and sat under on of the shade trees so I could think. I was starting to panic. Where was he? I was really worried about him and I was getting upset. Did I do something to cause him to run? I lost all track of time as well as my surroundings while lost in my thoughts. I didn't realize I was no longer alone until I heard an annoying voice break through my concentration.

"I see Edward didn't keep you around very long. Not that I thought he would."

Could this day get any worse.

"Hi Jessica. Nice to see you too." I said not holding back the sarcasm. I didn't need her shit right now.

"Edward is much too good for someone as plain and unassuming as you. Glad to see he finally came to his senses. He'll figure out soon enough that it's me that he really wants. We have too much history for him to ignore." She smiled and laughed as she walked away.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, her words stung as if she'd slapped me. Was that it? Did Edward realize that he didn't want to be more than just friends? Is that why he ran today? And that's when the reality of the situation hit me. He didn't want to tell me that he made a mistake. He regretted everything that happened last night. I thought he had feelings for me, that he wanted me. _Hello Bella, just because a guy gets turned on by you doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you._ But I just knew that he was developing feelings for me. All the signs were there, so what happened?

My cell phone rang.

"Hey Alice."

"Hey, can you come back to the room. I want to talk to you." She sounded worried.

"Sure, I'll be there in a little while."

I sat under the tree for a few more minutes and decided it was better if I get this talk over with, and made my way back to the room. When I got back I noticed that Alice and I were alone.

"Okay Bella. Talk."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me about last night."

So I took a deep breath and just let it all out. If I stopped, I would lose it.

"It was amazing, perfect, wonderful, one of the best nights of my life. Kissing him was an incredible experience. He makes me feel so alive. I was so sure that Edward and I were progressing and that things would be different between us. I guess they are different, just not how I thought they would be. He makes me feel whole and like the Bella I used to be. I want so much more than friendship with him. I don't know if it's possible for me to just be his friend. I'm way too attracted to him and not just physically either. I had planned on telling him everything today."

"Everything?"

"Yes, everything. About Phoenix and about the way I feel about him. I want everything out in the open and I finally feel at peace about telling him these things. I'm tired of the childish games we've been playing. If I like him and he likes me, what's the point in just being friends. I'm ready for a relationship, a real one, one that isn't just for the benefit of keeping Jessica away from him, and I thought he was too. I guess I put too much faith in what everyone was telling me and in what I thought were signals from Edward. It's obvious that he doesn't feel the same way about me that I feel about him." I said holding back the tears.

"Why do you say that Bella? I know my brother. He likes you, a lot, and wants more than friendship."

"Alice, he was gone; he just left, walked away. He didn't leave a note or anything. He won't answer anyone's phone calls and he is no where to be found. Sounds like he'd prefer ignoring me and having nothing to do with me over having a relationship with me. I guess Jessica was right. I'll never be good enough for Edward. I'm just a plain and unassuming girl. I do nothing but bring pain to those around me."

"BELLA!!! How the hell can you say that. You are sorely mistaken. I know my brother and I know you. I don't know what happened but I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I think there has been a big misunderstanding that took place. Don't you ever put yourself down like that again. And if you let Jessica get to you, well then you aren't the person I thought you were. I love you Bella, but I'm not going to sit around while you wallow in self pity and let the words of a stupid slut tear you down. You're stronger than that. You've been through too much in your life to let the likes of her get to you. You are better than that and you are worth a million of Jessica." She was angry, not at me but with the situation she assured me. She said she had to take care of some things and gave me a tight hug before leaving the room.

I thought about what she said. I was no longer that weak little girl that James left broken and scarred. Why did I let Jessica's words affect me so? Before James I never had self worth issues. But he broke me. I needed to get over all my insecurities. I've been through too much in my short life to let the words of someone like Jessica bring me down. Words can only hurt if you allow them to, especially when there is no truth behind them. I was stronger than that. Alice was right, but when is she ever not.

I knew Edward better than that too. Something had to have happened to cause him to run. Maybe friendship was all he wanted and was capable of. Yes it would hurt, but if he only wants to be my friend, than that is what we will be. Although I honestly believe that he wants more. Maybe he is just too scared to risk his heart again. My god; did Jessica screw him up that bad? No matter, I wouldn't just give him up. My life is better with him in it, in whatever capacity he sees fit. Life is too short to let a possible misunderstanding ruin the relationship we have. I would fight for Edward. I wouldn't let him walk away from me. We could fix this and we would. I sat in on my bed, lost in thoughts yet again, before finally coming to a conclusion. I needed to find Edward. I tried his cell phone again. This time it rang five time before going to voicemail. I decided to leave another message.

"_Edward. It's Bella. Look I don't know what happened this morning but I'm sorry if I did anything to cause you to run. If I crossed a line last night, I'm sorry. I guess I just saw more into what was going on than was really there. Anyway, this isn't a conversation I want to have with your voicemail. I'm heading to the music room for a while. I'll have my cell phone, so call me. I'm worried about you. I'm not giving up on us Edward. Please, just call me."_

Well I've done all I can for the moment. I needed to let go of all the tension that had built up over the morning and there was only one way to do that. I grabbed my piano bag, left a note for Alice, and made my way to practice room 13. I took my time walking there, just thinking about all that had happened since I arrived back in August. Seems like such a long time ago but yet at the same time, feels like just yesterday. I stopped at the coffee shop and then made my way to the practice room. Thankfully it was empty.

I played a little Mozart to start off with, then moved to Bach. After having my fill of classical, I decided to play the piece that Edward and I were working on together. It truly was a beautiful piece. I couldn't help the tears that fell as I played it. I felt empty at the thought of losing Edward from my life. I meant what I said, if friendship was all he wanted than I would manage. In my mind it was better to have him in my life than not have him at all.

The unfinished piece flowed into one of my favorite Muse songs. And ironically enough, it fit mine and Edward's situation perfectly. I couldn't help but sing along as I played.

_You could be my unintended_

_Choice to live my life extended_

_You could be the one I'll always love_

_You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions_

_You could be the one I'll always love_

_I'll be there as soon as I can_

_But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before_

_First there was the one who challenged_

_All my dreams and all my balance_

_She could never be as good as you_

_You could be my unintended_

_Choice to live my life extended_

_You should be the one I'll always love_

_I'll be there as soon as I can_

_But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before_

_Before you_

As I let the last note hang in the air, the door to the practice room opened. I didn't need to turn around to know who was there. I felt him in every cell of my body. _Edward_.

**EPOV**

Yes, I did the coward thing and I ran from the dorm. I didn't want to deal with anyone at the moment. I needed to figure shit out. I went back to my room, took a quick shower, grabbed my messenger bag, and ran to my car. Before I could even make it off campus my phone rang and I saw Bella's name pop up on caller ID. I hit ignore and sent the call straight to voice mail only to have her call back a few minutes later and leave a voice mail, which I didn't bother to listen to. Alice and Jasper both attempted to reach me as well. I finally just turned my phone off, not wanting to talk to anyone just yet. I spent the next few hours driving around Seattle just thinking. Unconsciously, I made my way to the pier. It was always soothing and relaxing to me. This was my retreat, my spot to think, and I've spent a great deal of time here over the past few months. Alice used to come with me and we would just sit in silence for hours while I tried to work out how my life got so screwed up.

I found a bench that was out of the way and ensured I wouldn't be bothered. I had a lot to think about. Did I really misread Bella so badly? Not only last night, but from the moment we met? I really thought we were building up to something more. I had finally decided to try again. After Jessica, I didn't think I'd ever trust anyone again to hold that type of power over me, but in just a very short time, Bella had won my heart. I had to admit to myself that I wasn't ready or willing to give her up. Maybe I overreacted this morning. It wasn't like Bella could really run and hide from me. I was in her dorm room for fuck sakes. She couldn't avoid that place forever. Maybe she just needed to clear her head. She did say that we needed to talk. It's quite possible she just needed some time alone to collect her thoughts. She has never given me any reason to doubt her. So why am I doing it now? Fuck...I am such a screw up. Jessica has caused me to not trust anyone. But damn it, I wouldn't allow her to take yet another thing that is important to me away.

Bella would never do that to me. I might not be a genius but I'm not stupid either. I know in my heart of hearts that she feels something for me. But if by some chance I had read more into her actions and words than she meant and all she wanted was friendship, then she would have that. I can't deny that she has made a dramatic impact on my life. I'm not willing to give that up just because I can't have her the way I want her. It would be hard to only be friends with her and bury these feelings I have, but I could do it.

I knew I needed to find Bella and clear the air. I was behaving like a spoiled child. I was an adult and needed to handle this situation as such. Time to man up and stop playing games. I couldn't help but smile at the thought that I was going to find Bella and I wasn't going to give up on us.

"Finally...I literally saw the light bulb go off."

"FUCK ALICE!!!" She scared the shit out of me. I must have really been in deep thought. I never saw, felt, or heard her sit down beside me.

"Sorry Edward. I didn't want to interrupt you during your epiphany. But now that you've reach a decision, I'm free to yell at you. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING??? You could have ruined everything with Bella you asshole."

"I know Alice. I just panicked. I woke up this morning fully prepared to lay everything on the line...my past, how I felt about her, everything. But she was gone, just disappeared. You know I'm gun shy. I didn't want to wait around for rejection, so I bolted." I knew honesty was the best policy with Alice because no matter what, she'd eventually get it out of me anyway.

"You're an idiot. Do you have any idea what Bella has been through today? She wasn't there when you woke up this morning because she went out to get us all breakfast. She wanted to do something nice for all of us, to start the day off right because, just like you, she wanted to talk with you today. Instead she comes back to find you gone; can't get you to answer your cell, can't find you in your room, the music building, the library, or at the hospital. Poor girl walked all over campus trying to find you and then she was accosted by none other than the queen bitch herself, Jessica, who by the way, made Bella feel like a complete piece of shit and caused her to question not only her worthiness to have you but also did major damage to her self esteem by telling her she was plain and unassuming." She huffed. If she could get away with killing Jessica, she probably would. Jessica had now officially hurt two people that Alice loves dearly.

I started seeing red. How dare that bitch make Bella feel that way? I made a promise to myself that as soon as I fixed things with Bella, I would put Jessica in her place. I'm sick of her trying to insert herself in my life and hurting those I love along the way.

"I'm a fucking moron. Shit Alice, what do I need to do to fix this? I'll do anything. I can't lose her. I want her, badly but if all she wants is friendship, I'll deal with that. But I just want her in my life. I need her."

"You two really are peas in a pod. It's scary how much you two think alike. It's like there is a frequency that only the two of you can tap in to. I'm not going to tell you what we talked about this morning but I will say that you need to fix this, and fix it now. You won't be disappointed. I tried to smooth things out the best I could without having actually talked to you to find out what bug crawled up your ass. I was pretty certain you just misinterpreted the situation and I told her as much. Now turn your damn cell phone on and call her so she'll stop worrying."

"Thanks Sis. I owe you. Big time." I said as I pulled her into a hug.

"Just fix things with Bella and I'll consider us even. You are my brother and I love you to death, but you better not break Bella any further. She has just started to really get better. I won't hesitate to kick your ass if you screw this up." She poked me in the chest as she finished making her threat...which I believed wholeheartedly. Alice was just as protective of Bella as she was of me.

She got up, kissed me on the cheek, and made her way back to her car. I really do have an awesome sister. I just hope she's right and that I'll be able to fix things. I pulled my cell phone out of my messenger bag and turned it back on. I had ten missed calls, seven text messages, and four voice mails.

The first message was from this morning and was from Bella just asking me to call her. The second was from Jasper asking pretty much the same thing. The third was from Alice and I quickly deleted it after I heard her first few words...'Edward, you are a dumb shit....' I didn't need to hear the rest of that message. The fourth and last message was from Bella.

"_Edward. It's Bella. Look I don't know what happened this morning but I'm sorry if I did anything to cause you to run. If I crossed a line last night, I'm sorry. I guess I just saw more into what was going on than was really there. Anyway, this isn't a conversation I want to have with your voicemail. I'm heading to the music room for a while. I'll have my cell phone, so call me. I'm worried about you. I'm not giving up on us Edward. Please, just call me."_

Yep, I'm an idiot. But even though I was pissed at myself for causing her to worry, I also found it somewhat humorous. Alice was right, we really are on the same frequency and as screwed up as it was, I smiled at that thought. I was filled with hope when she said she wasn't giving up on us. I knew what I needed to do. I wouldn't call her. I wanted to apologize to her, face to face. I started back to my car but stopped when I saw a little flower stand. I ran up and bought a bouquet of orchids. I remembered that these were Bella's favorites.

I finally made my way to campus, parked my car, and made a mad dash for the music building. I knew if she was still here, she'd be in practice room 13. The door to room 13 was closed and I wasn't positive that Bella was the one in there, so I sat down next to the door and listened. Whoever was in the room was playing a piece by Bach and it was amazing. It sounded like Bella but I wanted to make sure before I barged into the room. The next song confirmed it for me. She was playing the piece we were composing together. It was beautiful. She really did have a talent for letting her emotions flow through whatever she was playing. I just hope that after today we will be able to complete the piece as an 'us' and not as just Bella and Edward. I was getting ready to walk into the room when I heard the piece transform into a song by Muse. I recognized it from the first rift. She was playing 'Unintended' and it was amazing. Even more so when she started singing.

She sang beautifully. I listened to the words of the song and was shocked at how accurately they described my feelings for Bella. I nearly stopped breathing at that realization.

_First there was the one who challenged_

_All my dreams and all my balance_

_She could never be as good as you_

It was unreal how accurate that verse was.

_You could be my unintended_

_Choice to live my life extended_

_You should be the one I'll always love_

I knew in that moment that I hadn't imagined that Bella had feelings for me. I knew she felt the same way. I opened the door as the song was coming to an end. She didn't turn around or say anything, but I knew she knew it was me. Her posture relaxed and she let out a deep breath. I could have sworn I heard my name whisper across her lips. And it made my heart leap.

"Bella...I'm so sorry." I couldn't think of anything else to say, but sorry didn't feel like it was good enough.

She slowly turned towards me and even though there were tears running down her face, she was smiling.

"You found me. I was so worried about you Edward. I called and looked everywhere. I just didn't know what else to do. Don't do that again." She sobbed and she dropped her head into her hands.

I was by her side in an instant holding her in my arms. She turned into me and placed her forehead against my chest.

"Did I fuck things up too badly this time?" I had to know what I was up against.

"No, not too badly." She chuckled while wiping away tears.

"Well I brought a peace offering of sorts, just in case you needed some buttering up."

When she saw the flowers I was holding, her whole face lit up. She took the flowers, brought them to her nose, and inhaled the floral scent deeply. Her lips turned up in a very wistful smile.

"Thank you Edward. These are my favorites."

"I know and you're welcome. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I was being completely stupid and foolish."

"Why did you run?"

"I will tell you everything, I promise. But let's get out of here. This isn't the right place for this conversation."

"Okay." She agreed.

She gathered all her music and put it all in the messenger bag that Alice and I had given her for her birthday, grabbed her cell phone, and we headed to my car. I kept glancing at her while we were walking and each time I did, there was a smile playing across her lips as she looked at the flowers I had given her.

"Bella, you sing beautifully." And of course she blushed.

"You heard that?"

"Yeah, and it's one of my favorite songs. Quite fitting, don't cha think?" I asked as I smiled at her.

"I was thinking the same thing."

This was good. Neither of us wanted to get into the meat of things yet, but we both knew we were on the same page. I sent Alice a quick text to let her know that Bella and I would be MIA for the rest of the day. I didn't want to worry her anymore than I already had today. She would make sure the others knew as well. We didn't say anything more as we walked to my car. I figured I'd drive us back to the pier. It was a nice day out and it was still somewhat early in the day.

"Do you mind if we go to the pier? It's peaceful by the water and it has already helped me clear my head once today. Might make things a little easier to talk about." She looked at me questioningly at first, so I told her where Alice found me not too long ago.

"That pier sounds perfect. Mind if we grab a bit to eat to take with us? I didn't have much breakfast this morning."

I immediately felt guilty that I ruined her surprise for everyone and screwed up her plans.

"No problem. There's a great hotdog stand by the pier that I love if you can wait a few minuets. Is that okay?"

"Sounds great."

"Hey, I'm sorry I messed up breakfast this morning. I'm such an idiot." I apologized and she laughed at me.

Once we reached the pier, we made our way to the hotdog stand, got our food, and then found an empty bench away from everyone so we would have some privacy. No words were spoken until after our lunch was finished. Bella broke the ice.

"So, tell me why you disappeared this morning." She prodded in order to get the conversation going.

"I'm so sorry about that. I don't really know except that I let all my insecurities flood through me and I panicked. When I woke up and you were gone, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that you regretted last night and that you didn't want to face me. I thought you were the one who ran away from me."

"We really do think too much alike." She laughed. "I thought the same thing when I got back to the room and you were gone."

She took a deep breath and started to speak, but I cut her off.

"Bella, before we get into heavy conversation I want to make something absolutely clear to you. You are not worthless and you are far from plain and unassuming. You are exactly the opposite. Alice told me about your encounter with Jessica and pray to God that you didn't take to heart anything she said to you. You are like no one I've ever met and I'm a better person because of you. You've managed to do something in the short time that we've known each other that my family has been trying to do for over eight months. Please don't listen to a word Jessica has to say. She has no business attacking someone's character. Especially someone as amazing as you. I want you to know that I value you and our friendship more than you'll ever know."

"Friendship..." she mumbled so low that I don't think I was meant to hear it. Shit she's getting the wrong idea.

"Hey, I wasn't finished. Your friendship has allowed me to open myself up again, to live again. You've managed to infiltrate all my defenses. You've taught me that I have to take risks in order to reap the rewards and actually gave me the courage to do just that. Through your friendship I've learned to trust and hope again and most importantly, I've been able to truly start letting go of the past and actually look forward to the future. So yes, your friendship is priceless to me and I never want to lose that. But...friendship isn't all I want. What I feel for you far exceeds the realms of friendship. However, if all you feel or want from me is to be your friend, than I will gladly be the best friend you could ever ask for. I'd rather have you as my friend than nothing at all."

"What are you saying? Just spit it out Edward." She smiled at me knowing what I was trying to say, but wanting me to say the actual words.

"I like you Bella, much more than friends and I would honestly like to try a real relationship with you. Not just one where we pretend in order to piss people off and keep them away. But an honest relationship, one that started with an amazing friendship." I grinned at her. She paused for a moment, seemingly to collect her thoughts.

"I like the sound of that, a lot actually. Edward, I decided this morning that I wasn't going to let you run from me. That if all you wanted was friendship, I'd be there for you. I just want you in my life, I need you in my life. I'm getting back to the _real_ Bella because of you. I'm tired of playing childish games. We are adults and I think it's time we started acting like adults. No more 'check yes or no' behavior. No more tiptoeing around each other. I like you, more than I thought possible in such a short amount of time. You make me feel alive again. Nothing would make me happier than to have an actual relationship with you...So, you like me huh?" She stated as she bit her lip nervously, and all I wanted to do was kiss her and her pouty lips but I reigned in that thought. There were pressing issues to attend to.

"Yes Bella. I like you, a lot. More than I thought I was capable of. Seems like we took the long way around to come to such a simple conclusion. It's scary to think that we could have missed out on an opportunity of a lifetime because we were too worried about being friends." I said as she nodded in agreement. I reached out and placed my hand on the side of her face, rubbing the apple of her cheek with my thumb. I don't know who made the first move but before I knew it, her lips were on mine and my god were they soft. So much for the pressing issues. But right now there was nothing more pressing than my lips on hers.

I nearly lost my composure when she started tracing my lips with her tongue. Then she really tried to kill me when she nibbled on my bottom lip. We lost ourselves in each other for a few minutes until reality crashed back down on me and I needed to breathe. I pulled away slowly as did she.

"Sorry." She stated. "I just wanted to kiss you once more in case after I tell you about my past, you decide you don't want this. Plus I wanted to see what it was like without alcohol to give me courage." She laughed.

"That's funny. I was going to say the same thing to you. We really are in tune." I laughed, albeit nervously. I knew this was going to be a rough afternoon. I was about to give Bella the complete story of me and Jessica. Not one person, other than Dr. Kym, knew all the details, not even Alice.

"Edward, it's pretty apparent that we both have some pretty fucked up shit to tell each other today so I want to propose something. Please don't take this the wrong way but I think after our talk today, we should take a few days away from each other to process everything that has happened between us and everything that is getting ready to be said. I'm pretty certain that my feelings for you won't change no matter what you have to tell me and I'm hoping the same is true for you, but I want to play this safe. So much has happened over the past few days that I think after our talk we need to slow them down a little bit. Please don't think I regret anything that has happened between us, because I don't. I just don't want to just get swept up in the emotions of things. I really want us to both take the time to do some soul searching and serious thinking. I'm not about playing games. If we agree to a relationship, well that's something I take pretty damn seriously and I want to go into it with a clear mind and an open heart."

"I think that's a great idea, although I don't like the part about not seeing you." I smiled at her and pouted while she just shook her head and laughed. I continued.

"I know how I feel about you won't change, but I agree with you. I want to do this right because god knows I'm not about to jump into something without knowing that it's serious. I agree, I don't want to play games. I don't want you to have to make a decision so quickly after hearing what I have to say. Things have progressed quickly for us over the past few days, but I don't regret it one bit. But I do want you to know that no matter what the outcome is, no matter what you decide, Bella, you've changed my life for the better and for that I'm eternally grateful. And I can promise you that no matter what, we'll always be friends."

**BPOV**

He wants to be more than friends and I changed his life. Yep life is pretty awesome right about now. Even though we both have a difficult afternoon ahead of us, I just know we'll come out of this okay. At the most, I'll get a pretty perfect boyfriend out of this. At the least, a pretty amazing friend. So I'm in a pretty awesome win win situation. One just has better perks than the other. Hey, I'm not stressed out enough to ignore the way his lips felt on mine. That's something that I don't think I'd ever want to give up.

"Thank you Edward. For everything. I don't think you realize how much of an impact you've had on me. I can truly say that you've changed my life as well." I couldn't help myself as I leaned towards him and pulled him into a hug. I needed the physical contact. Ironic considering how much I shied away form contact after James.

"Can I tell you my story first?" I asked.

He nodded and grabbed my hand and that one gesture calmed my nerves more than I thought possible. I took a deep breath and started.

"I know I've told you very little about my life in Phoenix. It's very hard for me to talk about what happened and it wasn't until very recently that I voluntarily told my story to anyone outside of my family, which includes Jake, and my therapist. I told Alice the first weekend we moved in...the first night actually. I hadn't intended to unload on her, but when your roommate wakes you up from a pretty severe night terror looking completely frantic, well I felt like I needed to tell her why her I was so fucked up. That's probably one reason we are so close. She knows everything about what happened. I trust Alice with my life. She was there for me and never judged me. She is one of the truest friends I've ever had. I decided to tell Rose, Angela, and Emmett not long after. I don't really know why either, just felt like I needed to share with them. I found that after telling Alice, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Plus I knew I needed my friends to know me, all of me. It was surprisingly easier to tell them than I ever dreamed." I stopped, seeing that there were questions burning in Edward's eyes.

"Bella, why didn't you feel you could tell me, I mean, before now. After all we have been building a pretty amazing friendship." He said looking hurt.

"Honestly, it is so much more difficult to tell you these things. I've known from the first time I saw you that I wanted more than friendship with you, despite what I kept trying to tell myself, but I also know how screwed up I am. I guess it was easier to talk to Alice, Rose, Ang, and Em about my past because I would never be more than friends with any of them. Whereas you, well I was and still am scared that you'll see me differently. I don't want that. If we start seeing each other, well you'll have to deal with things about me that the others never will. And to be honest, I could tell that you were dealing with your own issues and I didn't want to add my fifty shades of fucked up to whatever you were dealing with. I relished the fact that you didn't know anything about my past. You were getting to know me, well the version of me that existed after Phoenix. But because of you I'm slowly getting back to the person I used to be, and I like _that_ Bella so much more."

"Bella, I promise you that I won't see you any differently after you tell me. And I can assure you, I have my own fifty shades. I think we've both been tormented, but in different ways. We've both helped the other out. I'm just hoping that what I have to tell you doesn't cause you to walk away."

"Unless you've killed someone and buried the remains, I think we'll be okay." We both laughed, breaking the tension ever so slightly.

"Although I'm still sticking by my request for some space to digest and process after we finish today." He nodded in agreement.

"Let me start by saying that after our talk, I sincerely hope you will have a better opinion of Dr. Smithwick. The first time I met her was over Spring Break of my senior year. Katie's mom pulled some string and was able to get me an audition before the scholarship committee and Dr. Smithwick was on the panel. I had already been accepted into the University as well as the music program but I was determined to earn some sort of scholarship to help cover the cost of school. Katie, Elizabeth, and Jake gave up their Spring Breaks to stay in Phoenix with me to support me through the audition. The girls even accompanied me on some of my audition pieces. They were both very musically talented but I was the one with dreams of making music my future. My dreams cost Elizabeth her life and Katie the use of her legs."

Edward was just staring at me. I could tell he wanted to say something but I held up my hands for him to be quiet.

"Please Edward. Let me get through this and I promise I'll answer any questions you have." I pleaded and he nodded in agreement.

So I told him the entire story, every single detail; from the moment James entered my life up until the day I met him in the music building. It wasn't easy. I had to stop a few times but I never felt the typical panic that usually came when I told the story and relived the events. Edward was true to his word and didn't say anything the whole time I was talking.

"So you see, Dr. Smithwick is a very important person to me. She is the reason I'm able to be here, living out my dream. She went against not only the scholarship committee and the music department, but the University as well. She really stuck her neck out for me. I mean, once the administration knew the reasons why, they were a little more willing to bend the rules, but she still had to go out on a limb for me. Her belief and faith that I would be able to overcome what happened and move on was a huge motivating factor for me. That's one of the reasons I finally agreed to regular therapy sessions.. I don't like letting people down and if I let what that bastard did to me rule my life, I'd be letting a lot of people down, myself included; and that's just not acceptable. It took me a while to realize that by hiding and not facing what happened, I was allowing James to have power over me. I'm still taking steps to gain complete control over my life, but as long as I keep moving forward, he doesn't have power over me." I blew out a deep breath as I finished the horrific tale of the last two years of my life.

I watched Edward as an array of emotions flickered across his face, waiting for him to respond. I don't know what type of reaction I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the one I got.

**EPOV**

"_... I don't like letting people down and if I let what that bastard did to me rule my life, I'd be letting a lot of people down, myself included; and that's just not acceptable..." _

Not acceptable. After everything this beautiful woman has been through, that's what it all boils down to. Not acceptable. She is by far the most incredible person I have every known and will probably ever know.

I sat on that park bench for well over an hour as she poured her heart out to me about what happened with James. I listened as she told me how they met and how he followed her and her mother home from that fateful baseball game. I cringed when she told me how he showed up at her school one day. I had to bite my tongue when she told me how he hit her in the parking lot over Christmas. I wanted to punch something when she told me about his threat on Valentines Day. But what I wanted to do more than anything was kill the motherfucker after she told me what he did on the night of her audition. I have never felt rage like that before.

Sitting still and not saying anything while she told me about that night was nearly impossible; I thought I would break my hands from clenching them into fists so tightly. I listened as she told me how James stormed into the church; shooting her best friend. The abduction of her and Katie afterwards and how Jake found Elizabeth and alerted the police. How James not only physically assaulted her but sexually assaulted her as well. I made my own lip bleed from biting it so hard. The thought of her being sexually assaulted made my blood boil, the only thing that calmed me slightly was that he didn't get the chance to rape her. I was really making an effort to keep my word to Bella by not saying anything. I almost cried when she described the car chase, the gun shot wound she sustained, and the subsequent wreck that they were in. The pain of knowing that he has hurt her on many levels was nearly unbearable. She lost all composure when she told me about waking up in the hospital and finding out from Jake what happened. She had somewhat of a break down but once she composed herself she went on to tell me about her own injuries and the physical therapy she had to undergo.

I was in awe of how much Jake took care of Bella in the months following the attack as well as those leading up to the trial. Hell, he hasn't stopped taking care of her since that night. He really is a good man. I knew I had nothing to fear from him. If only everyone was lucky enough to have someone like Jake in their lives.

She continued to explain how she had to postpone moving to Washington due to her physical therapy and then again because of the trial. It took her a while to get through the details of the trial. I almost smiled when she told me how she was able to alert the prosecution to his lies concerning when the met, etc. She didn't realize it, but she was able to take control over James at that moment. It was hard listening to her talk about the sentencing part of the trial. She explained how Elizabeth's parents asked for the death penalty to be removed as an option. At least that bastard was put away for life. In my opinion, that isn't enough, but at least he won't ever have the chance to hurt Bella again; or anyone else for that matter.

She explained how she almost gave up on her dream of studying music and this of course brought up the major role that Dr. Smithwick played in helping her keep her scholarship and the subsequent friendship that she and Bella have developed since the semester started. And just as she requested, I did see Dr. Smithwick in a different light. She made it possible for Bella to keep her scholarship and follow her dreams. She also made it possible for Bella to enter my life. I'd definitely have to thank her one day for that. She told me all about her therapist in Phoenix and then about Dr. Kym. I still can't believe we have the same therapist.

Bella had been hurt, crushed, devastated, and destroyed in every possible way. That fucker James had emotionally, physically, mentally, and sexually abused her. She witnessed the murder of one of her best friends and then had to watch as the other was resigned to life in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the waist down.

She shamed me with her strength to overcome the unbearable. She may have given into the darkness and depression at first, but she crawled her way out of it, sought out help, and managed to start living again. She had an amazing support system through it all, but she made the choice to find her way back to her life. She was utterly magnificent.

My issues suddenly don't seem that dire anymore and I am completely shaken by the lack of control I have taken over my life during the past eight months. I had completely let my life take a nose dive and for the longest time, I did nothing to stop it. And even worse, I didn't care to. I was quickly brought out of my contemplations by Bella's big brown eyes staring at me expectantly. And it was at that moment that I realized that I hadn't said anything or reacted in anyway since she stopped talking.

"You are utterly amazing Bella Swan." I stated and launched myself at her while attacking her lips.

I think she was shocked at first because her lips were immobile but after a second, she caught on. I wanted her to know how I felt about her, that what happened in no way made me think less of her. If anything it only made me revere her even more. She leaned into the kiss and I could feel her breathing hitch as I lightly brushed my tonged across her lips. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck while I gently tilted her head to the right so I could explore her glorious mouth even more. She caressed my tongue with hers, and the feelings that ignited in the pit of my stomach were mind blowing. We broke apart when we ran out of air and just gazed at one another.

"Well that wasn't the reaction I thought I would get; but it was oh so much better." She breathed out with a laugh.

"Do you have any idea how amazing you are Bella? I'm serious. You are the strongest person I have ever met. I don't know how you do it, but you continue to amaze me each day that I am privileged to be around you. You truly put me to shame. You would have every right and reason to tell the world to fuck off and live in a dark place. But you have picked yourself up, dusted off your hands, and are living your life. Doing everything in your power to not let that asshole claim anymore of your life. I feel like a complete coward for curling up in a ball like I did. Shit, my situation doesn't even come close to comparing to what you went through. I was so weak."

"Edward, we all go through difficult times in our lives. Just because mine seems to be worse than yours doesn't mean what you went through hurt you any less. Yes, what I went through was horrible, but it could have been so much worse. I could have lost both my friends, I could have been raped, had life altering injuries, or worse, I could have died. For a long time I felt like I deserved to die. I prayed that I could turn back time and take Elizabeth's place or even Katie's. I spent months blaming myself and wallowing in self pity. I truly hated myself, but I know it wasn't my fault. It took me a long time to really accept that, but I know it's the truth. I avoided Elizabeth's family as well as Katie for months. It took them reminding me of how Elizabeth would feel about the way I was handling things for me to snap out of it. But even as difficult as my situation was, there are others out there that have it so much worse than I did. I guess my point is, we as humans have tunnel vision. We tend to only see and focus on what's going on in our own lives and pay very little attention to the lives of those around us. So of course what you went though seemed like it was the most horrendous thing in the world, because to you, it was. That doesn't make you weak, that makes you human."

"See, amazing." I told her as I gazed down at her in awe. I really don't know what I did to deserve this wonderful creature in my life.

"So, Dr. Kym...she's pretty different isn't she?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, she really is. But she's very effective."

And I saw something snapped into place for Bella.

"Oh my god!!! You don't have to answer this if you don't want. But did you talk to Dr. Kym about the 'Marie' situation?"

And then it clicked for me as well.

"She totally knew. That's what all the sly looks were for." I chuckled as I shook my head.

"I bet that's never happened to her before. I think we need to make a joint appointment just to see the look on her face." Bella said as she giggled. I was just glad she was able to laugh after the emotional purge she just made it through.

After the laughter died down, I knew it was my turn. So far things were going well, despite the topic of conversation.

"I do have some questions for you, but I think you need a break from your own story for a while." She nodded appreciatively as I prepared to tell my story.

"Well I know I've told you a bit about Jessica, but I think it will be easier on me if I start from the beginning, so I apologize in advance if I start repeating stuff you already know."

"Don't stress over that Edward. Please do whatever will make this easier on you. Remember, you don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with. Just because I told you my story doesn't mean I expect you to do the same. We all deal with travesties in different ways, I just so happened to figure out recently that talking was a positive outlet for me. I don't want you to do this if you aren't ready. It will only hurt and make things worse in the long run."

"Bella, I want to tell you this. For the first time ever, I actually want to tell someone."

"Then continue." She stated simply while giving me a breath taking smile.

"From the beginning then. I met Jessica the summer before my senior year of high school. We were both attending a summer program for students that were interested in pursuing medicine as a career after graduation. Actually we met in a somewhat similar fashion as you and I met. I was leaving one of the practice rooms and ran into her tour group. That's kinda one of the reason I freaked out on you so much. Anyway, we hung out quite a bit over the next few weeks. We got along really great so we exchanged contact information and decided to stay in touch. I didn't think she'd really keep in touch but I took the chance and emailed her as soon as I got home. Her reply was nearly instantaneous. Throughout our entire senior year we managed to build a pretty spectacular friendship. We talked about everything, helped each other through problems, she told me all about her boyfriend and issues they were having, I told her about my quasi girlfriend. She really was my closest friend."

"We were both excited when we received our acceptance letters but I didn't make my finally decision to attend until she did. As I've said before, it was stupid of me to let her influence my decision, but to be honest, I had hopes of having a relationship with her. She just seemed pretty perfect for me. She was still in a relationship throughout her entire senior year though so I wasn't too confident that things would work out they way I hoped for. But I'm stubborn. She ended up breaking up with him not long after her graduation. He was becoming controlling. He didn't want her to move and refused to be in a long distance relationship. She never came out and said it, but I think he even started to get violent with her."

"We both decided to attend the incoming freshman program that was taking place before classes started. I was ready to get out of Alaska and start living the college life and she was just ready to get away from her ex boyfriend. It didn't take us long to move from friendship to more, about a month. Although we had only physically been around each other a short while, we didn't have to take time to get to know one another, we already had that part covered. After all, we had spent the previous year getting to know everything about each other. I will say this, she was great at being deceptive. But I'll get to that. Anyway, we started dating about a month after arriving for the summer program. Everything was fantastic. We had so much in common and we had a lot of fun together. I should have known that something wasn't quite as it seemed when she started pressing for a sexual relationship as soon as we started dating. I was still a virgin, yeah a rare thing, but I didn't want to rush into anything. She finally backed off after I continually expressed my wishes to take things slow. But she didn't like it. She loved to push my boundaries but I wouldn't give in."

"My second warning, which should have raised all sorts of red flags for me, was when Alice told me she didn't like Jessica. Actually Alice hated her. From the first time they met, Alice was convinced that Jessica was hiding something and that she wasn't showing her true colors. Alice has a gift for just knowing about people. She even had her suspicions the entire time we were corresponding our senior year. But Alice pushed aside her own feelings and misgivings in order to make me happy. I had talked her into rooming with Jessica and it was too late to back out of the housing assignment. So she tried, really tried to like Jessica. They eventually formed a quasi friendship; well more like a tolerance of each other. Neither wanting to make things difficult for me, but Alice never really trusted her."

"Once classes started, Jessica and I were able to settle into a pretty normal routine. We'd eat at least one meal together everyday, meet up at some point between classes, and if at all possible went on at least one date a week. We spent as much time together as we could on the weekends. Between my studies, volunteering, music, and Jessica I didn't have a lot of free time, so I never really had the chance to make friends, go out, do the normal college thing. Alice tried so hard to get me to see what was happening but I refused to really open my eyes. I was allowing Jessica to completely take over my life."

"After about two months of dating, I started noticing things about her that really bothered me as well as changes in our normal routine. It started with small things such as contradictions in her likes and dislikes. For example, she once told me that Arcade Fire was one of her favorite bands, coincidently also one of my favorites, a fact she was well aware of. Well I wanted to take her to one of their concerts and she completely flipped out because she 'hated that band'. That started happening more and more. It was becoming pretty obvious that she spent a lot of time convincing me that she liked the same things I did, only for me to find out she really didn't. She started missing a meal here and there, but that started becoming more consistent, typically Thursday night supper. This really bothered me because she was always so adamant about spending as much time together as possible. She never offered an explanation as to why she was ditching me either."

"She never talked about her friends and family. Never went home. She never introduced me to her family, even when they came to see her. I mean, I introduced her to Esme and Carlisle the day they moved Alice in. I didn't understand why she didn't want me to know her family. She seemed to be very close to them so I assumed that as someone important to her, she'd want me to meet them. When I brought this point up to her and expressed how I felt, it lead to our first major fight. She ran home that weekend for the first time since moving in. This was in October. We didn't talk for almost a week but not for my lack of trying. She avoided me at all costs."

"Alice was convinced that something was going on with her. They were roommates after all, even if they weren't friends. Alice started noticing things too; this biggest being that it appeared that Jessica was taking even more steps to avoid Alice; more than usual. She knew just as well as I did that Alice had a knack for reading people. Alice noticed other behavioral changes such as late night phone calls, sneaking out of the dorm late at night; she even swore to me that she saw hickeys on Jessica's chest and neck. I, of course, didn't listen to Alice. I thought she was just trying to get me to break up with her. I never question Jessica about this because we were in love and I knew she would never hurt me. Alice however did question Jessica. I'll never forget that night. Jessica came to me completely hysterical, telling me that Alice was making up lies about her and trying to come between us. That was the night she demanded that I choose between her and Alice. I was a fool in love so I threw my sister to the side like a piece of trash. I confronted her that night and told her to stay the hell out of my business, never even giving her a chance to give me her side of the story." I couldn't help the sneer that crossed my face. I was such a fucking idiot.

"Bella, Alice doesn't know about that. I never told her that Jessica gave me an ultimatum. It would destroy her if she found out. Alice and I have always been extremely close and I am ashamed that I turned my back on her just because some girl asked me to choose. That is probably the biggest regret of my life. I stopped talking to Alice after I confronted her that night. I told her that I was sick and tired of her continually trying to interfere in my relationship with Jessica and that until she could accept that I was going to be with Jessica, I would have no more contact with her. I did whatever I needed to do to keep Alice from finding out that I chose Jessica over her. She and Jessica were still roommates and I didn't want either of them to be any more uncomfortable than they already were, so I took all the blame for my the distance I placed between me and Alice. I was so scared that if Alice started giving Jessica hell over our relationship that Jessica would tell her. Eventually, Jessica started staying with a friend who had an apartment off campus. This eased my mind somewhat but I was still extremely worried that she'd tell Alice. Bella, Alice can't find out about that." Bella nodded and she understood the unspoken plea to keep that fact between the two of us.

During this whole time I was completely focused on Bella. She didn't interrupt, just sat and listened to my story. Sometime during my narration she scooted closer to me. She was sitting on the bench facing me, Indian style. Her right hand was resting on my thigh, while her thumb made small circles over my jeans. We were so wrapped up in our own bubble that neither of us noticed the figure that was approaching us until it was too late.

"Fuck...not again. Is she stalking me? I mean, come on. Did she plant a low jack on me or something?" I heard Bella exclaim and looked up and saw none other than Jessica.

"Shit, will she ever leave me alone?" I was furious but couldn't help the chuckle that escaped due to Bella's low jack comment. Bella and I shifted our positions to confront the oncoming attack.

"Hey Edward." Jessica said in her stupid high pitched voice. How did I ever put up with that?

"Jessica." I replied in a rather frosty tone.

"We need to talk...in private." She said as she glared at Bella. What the fuck is she up to?

"As I've told you on several occasions, there is nothing left for us to talk about. Please for the love of all that is holy...LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I have nothing left to say to you."

"That may be the case, but I have plenty to say to you. If you would only listen to me I know we can work things out. Please?"

I couldn't help but glance at Bella and she looked livid. I noticed that she was clenching and unclenching her fist like she was getting ready to pound Jessica. As much as I would have like to see that, I didn't want Bella mixed up with this anymore than she already was.

"I don't want to work anything out with you. When will you get that through your head? We are finished, over, not going there again...EVER. So I don't see how we can possibly have anything to talk about." I was starting to shake in anger when I felt Bella's hand wrap around mine. I immediately calmed down, just from her touch.

"Don't touch him you stupid bitch, he doesn't belong to you." Jessica yelled at Bella.

I was getting ready to respond but Bella beat me to it. She jumped off the bench and got right in Jessica's face.

"I don't think that's your decision to make, Jessica. You're right though, Edward doesn't belong to me, but he sure as hell doesn't belong to you either. Matter of fact he belongs to no one but himself. And just so you know, I will continue to touch him until he tells me otherwise. And as far as calling me a bitch...yeah I may be a bitch, but at least I'm not a cheating slut, no let me rephrase that...a stupid cheating slut, because only someone stupid would cheat on somebody as wonderful as Edward. You had your chance, blew it royally, so now you have to deal with the consequences. If he hasn't decided to run back to you yet, do you honestly think that anything you do or say will change his mind? Your repeated attempts only make you seem that much more pathetic."

Although I was very capable of speaking for myself, seeing Bella stand up for me...well it was kind of hot. I couldn't help but stare at her with my mouth hanging open in pure awe, okay well mostly awe but some lust as well. I knew right then that I didn't have to worry about Bella running away from me. She turned to me and smiled. Our eyes met and we were once again lost in our own bubble, where we were the only two people who existed. Of course that didn't last.

"You have no fucking idea what you're talking about so keep your damn mouth shut, or I'll shut it for you." Jessica spat at Bella. Now I was really seeing red and I was fed up with her shit.

"THAT'S ENOUGH JESSICA!!! I will not sit here and listen to you talk to Bella this way and I sure as hell won't let you threaten her. She's right Jessica, I don't belong to you. You did have your chance but you fucked that up. You will never, let me repeat that NEVER be anything to me, ever again. I don't want you, I don't love you, and I will never be with you again."

"But I love you Edward. I never stopped. I know you love me, you have to still feel something for me." She said sounding completely and utterly desperate.

"Jessica, I do not love you. If you want the god's honest truth; I don't know that I ever really loved you at all. And if you truly believe you loved me and have never stopped, well then your definition of love is severely fucked up. I would never want to be loved that way ever again. And I can promise you, that what I feel for you is far from anything positive."

"I don't believe you Edward. What we had was wonderful. We were perfect together. I love you with everything I have. Please say you still love me!!! Don't let her poison you against me. She isn't good enough for you."

"STOP!!! You couldn't be more wrong about Bella. The truth is, I'm not good enough for her. But this isn't about Bella. Jessica, you fucking cheated on me. I may have even forgiven you if it was a onetime thing. But it wasn't. This was an ongoing thing. The only time you were faithful to me was the first two months of our relationship, and I even have my doubts as to how serious you really were about me during that time. So please, don't patronize me with your bullshit story about loving me."

"You're still upset about Laurent." She stated as casually as if we were discussing the weather.

"Oh my god. Do you even hear yourself? I'm not upset over Laurent. I could give two shits about him. I'm pissed that you used me and that you chose to play with my feelings. You practically coerced me into having sex with you, using threats and guilt to get what you wanted. I'm angry that I let you have such an impact on my life. I'm furious that I allowed you to come between me and Alice when all she was trying to do was look out for me. I'm appalled at myself for the way I completely disappeared from my own life. But looking back, I should be thanking you. Thanking you for revealing who you truly are. You cheating on me was a blessing in disguise. I learned what love wasn't and what to avoid in a relationship. I now have a future that looks so much more promising." I couldn't help but smile at Bella.

"I have apologized for cheating on you Edward, several times as a matter of fact. What do you want me to do, shout it from the roof tops? I can't take back past actions. I just want another chance." She pleaded, attempting to give me pouty puppy dog eyes. It didn't work.

Fuck...what did I ever see in her?

"Jessica. Listen to me and listen good. It doesn't matter what you say or do, there will never again be a me and you. You can apologize for cheating on me until the sun swallows up the Earth. It wouldn't matter. We both know that you cheating on me wasn't the biggest issue. I could have forgiven you for that act but I could never forgive you for what you did afterwards. Please, just leave me alone."

I finally saw a flash of understanding in her eyes and I was praying she would finally get it through her head that I didn't want to have anything to do with her. I was praying that she would just walk away once and for all. Jessica just stood there, staring at the ground, not moving. So I decided I would just remove myself and Bella from the situation. We would just go somewhere else to finish our talk because despite our interruption, I was more than ready to get it all out and have Bella know everything. I was tired of waiting. I grabbed Bella's hand and we started to walk away when Jessica opened her mouth and said the one thing I was hoping she would keep to herself. I didn't want Bella to find out this way.

"But it wasn't even your baby!!!"

**A/N: *Running to hide now*... Actually, I had intended that chapter to go so much differently, but my wonderful sister planted the idea in my head that Jessica should spill the beans. The more I thought of it, the more I liked it. So holleyt, this one was for you.**

**Now...I've had lots more people add this story to their favorites and alerts, but I'm still not getting much feedback. I don't like begging for reviews, so I'm going to change my tactics. I'm holding chapter 30 hostage. Want to see what happens next? My ransom won't cost you much, just a review. So click on that little button and let me know what you think; the good, the bad, and the ugly if you must. I promise, the next chapter will be worth the time it takes you to leave me some love. **

**I really do appreciate all my readers.**

**A reminder that MsKathy has galvanized various Twilight Fan Fic authors and me to contribute out takes, one shots, etc for an anthology in aid of the Haitian relief effort. If you donate at least $5.00 to the charity of your choice for aid to Haiti – MsKathy will send you the anthology.**

**More information about MsKathy's endeavour can be found here:**

http://mskathyff**(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/01/haiti(dot)html?zx=af67daf7708b89c8**


	30. Chapter 30: Unholy Acts

**A/N: Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. Also, I wanted to say welcome to those who have added this story to their alerts/favorites. **

**I know I told those of you who reviewed that I would get this chapter up yesterday, but fanfic was not being very cooperative yesterday, so I apologize. *On knees begging for forgiveness***

**Finally...when Edward starts telling his story again, he does so through flashbacks for part of it. I've put those flashbacks in **_**italics.**_** Hope it doesn't get too confusing.**

**Chapter 30: Unholy Acts **

**BPOV**

"_But it wasn't even your baby!!!"_

Baby??? BABY??? My mind was reeling not really comprehending what she just shouted.

I felt Edward tense beside me before spinning us around so fast I nearly lost my balance. But he never let go of my hand. I risked looking at his face and what I saw scared the hell out of me. His eyes were hard, cold; they were dead. I hoped I would never see that gaze settle on me. I could feel the tension rolling off of his stiff frame like a tidal wave. I watched as the muscles in his neck and jaw flexed. I could hear his teeth grinding together. His grip on my hand tightened for a brief moment before he relaxed his hands. He stared at her in total disbelief before responding.

"No Jessica it wasn't my baby. But that makes what you did so much fucking worse. Instead of coming right out and telling me the truth, you lead me to believe one thing when the truth was something completely different. You caused me more hurt and pain than I think you will ever be able to comprehend, and it was all unnecessary. I was willing to give up everything for you and what I thought was my child. Do you have any idea how devastated I was after finding out what you did behind my back? For fucks sake Jessica...you came to me and told me you were pregnant, disappeared for a week afterwards without a word, and when you finally did decide to contact me...it's to tell me that you 'took care of the problem'. I spent the next two months thinking you killed MY child...without even taking my feelings into consideration."

I felt Edward go limp beside me. He looked so broken and devastated; like the weight of the past eight months had just doubled and fell squarely on his shoulders. It wasn't the way I would have chosen to find out about what happened between he and Jessica, but it certainly didn't change the way I felt for him. I didn't know all the details but I had heard enough. This bitch would never hurt my Edward again. I stood up on my tip toes and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, released his hand, and walked up to Jessica.

She had the nerve to look smug. She actually looked pleased that she had broken Edward. And that pushed me over the edge.

"You stay the hell away from him. Don't call him, email him, contact him, or approach him in any way, shape, or form ever again or so help me god, I will have a restraining order placed on your sorry ass quicker than you can bat those fake eyelashes. Not to mention bring you up on charges of harassment. He has asked you repeatedly to leave him alone and stay the hell out of his life. I suggest you head the warning." I didn't recognize my own voice. It was so full of hatred.

She just stared at me and then broke out in a maniacal laugh and pointed one of her horribly fake manicured nails in my face.

"I'd like to see you try. You don't have the power to do that, bitch. Besides, he'll eventually come around and want to see me. He'll forgive me once he gets over it and then he'll see that we belong together."

"Try me. My father is a cop, a damn good one, who has a shit ton of connections. It would only take one phone call. Don't believe me, press your luck and see where you land. And if Edward decides he wants to resume contact with you, he'll find you. Stay the fuck out of his life. You have abused him for the last time. It is truly a travesty that someone as pure hearted, loyal, compassionate, loving, and amazing as Edward got taken in by the likes of you. You used him, lied to him, took him for granted, played him, cheated on him, and then the worst thing of all...lead him to believe you were carrying his child only to take it away from him and then for months allowed him to think that you killed his baby. You brought months of pain and torture into his life. You are a heartless and cruel creature who will wallow in self pity and darkness and bring all those around you down. I refuse to let you bring Edward down ever again. His beautiful soul has been tainted by you for far too long. He has had his heart broken and his mind screwed with by you. It won't happen again. You are a selfish, miserable, self center, conceited, self loathing, coldhearted, fucked up person. Do yourself a favor and seek out professional help." I was seething and the fury I felt would not go away. We were only inches away from each other by this point and I was glad that there weren't many people around to witness our confrontation.

For a mere second the silence that hung between us was deadly, but it was quickly broken when I heard a crack and then felt searing hot pain across my cheek. The bitch actually slapped me which nearly made me laugh at the irony of the situation. Who knew that this bitch would slap me with her words and her hand, all within the span of a few hours. I think I prefer the harsh words, at least they don't leave any visible marks. I drew my fist back, preparing to hit her square between the eyes when I heard Edward swear behind me. This made me stop. He didn't need any more drama and I refused to add to it by physically retaliating. Instead, I decided I'd just call my dad so he could start a file...

It took everything I had in me not to flinch, not from the pain but from shock...pain I was used to. I was more shocked that she actually hit me. But I refused to let her get the upper hand and I was not about to give her the satisfaction of a reaction. I didn't move a muscle though, not even a twitch. Instead I stared her down, while at the same time willing Edward not to intervene.

"Did that make you feel better? Did physically attacking me help? You aren't even worth the ache it would cause in my hand for me to punch you right now. I'm better than that. I will not stoop to your level. I honestly feel sorry for you. I haven't known Edward that long but I've known him long enough to know that I would never want to live without him in my life. I can't and don't want to imagine the pain that would cause. I was serious when I suggested seeking professional help. You need to fix you before you can move past this. No one but you can fix the broken parts you have. You may think that getting Edward back would make things better, but you're wrong. Having him back would only cover up your underlying problems. Don't let this further destroy you. There is a lot of life left for you to live. Go out and do it, get help, but just leave Edward out of it."

After holding her gaze for a few seconds more, I walked back towards Edward, refusing to let the pain I was feeling in my cheek show. I knew I would have a technicolored bruise later. Her hand landed right across my cheek bone. I'd almost wager that she is used to lashing out physically. That or either she has been on the receiving end.

"Come on, let's get out of here." I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him towards his car.

"Wait." He stopped me before we had taken two steps. He hesitantly turned to faced Jessica. I could tell he was trying to reign in his emotions so he didn't go ballistic. Jessica however, thought this was going to be a good thing for her, which was evident by the way her face lit up like she had won the lottery. Did she not know him at all?

"Jessica. Bella is right. There is something more going on with you. Having me back wouldn't fix whatever it is. I'm asking you, for the friendship we once had, please talk to someone. Get the help you need. Don't let your life spiral out of control anymore than it already has." Even after all she had put him through, he was still concerned about her well being. He truly is a wonderful man.

"Does that mean there is a chance for us?" Jessica asked, her voice laced with hope. I couldn't help but tense up at the thought of Edward taking her back. It was a stupid thought on my part, but it was gone as soon as it entered my head. Edward would never take her back and I knew that, well I hoped.

"No. I was serious when I told you that we would never be together again. There has been too much deceit and hurt between the two of us. I could never trust you again. You took way to much advantage of me without ever really thinking about what you were doing to me. I didn't see it at the time but I didn't like the person I was becoming when we were together. And I hate the person I became after you saw fit to finally let me in on the truth. We never had a healthy relationship and I think in time you will come to agree with that. We are better as we are now, no relationship at all; romantic or otherwise."

She let out a strangled cry before wrapping her arms around her torso. She looked like she wanted to say something but chose to stare at the ground instead. After a moment she made her way to the bench that Edward and I once occupied. She looked at Edward and nodded her head slightly before cradling her head in her hands. It almost looked like she accepted her fate, which I couldn't fully believe. I actually started to feel bad for her. It was apparent that she had made a grand mess of her life, taking Edward along for the ride. With that one thought, any compassion I had for her flew out the window. That might make me a cold hearted person but she nearly destroyed this wonderful man that was standing beside me. She needed to accept the consequences of her actions. Once she did that, then she could start to heal and move on, without Edward. It would help if she had others she could lean on and trust...just not Edward. Yes I see the pattern forming and I won't apologize for my possessiveness. I would still react the same way even if I only felt friendship for him. Luckily for me, I feel much more.

Edward stood as still as a statue for a minute before shaking his head. I could tell he was stuck somewhere between fury and wanting to feel some sort of compassion for her. I pulled on his arm and started walking towards the car. He didn't say anything, just held my hand in a death grip and followed. We were almost to the car when we passed a snack bar. Edward stopped and asked the cashier for a bag of ice and then continued until we reached the car.

"Here, put this on your cheek. It will help take the sting away and keep it from swelling so much. I don't think it will help much with the discoloring of the bruise though." His voice was fraught with concern as he looked at the bruise that was already forming. He lightly ran his fingers across my cheek and quickly followed his fingers with his lips, trailing light kisses along the bruise. He then held the ice to my face.

"This is all my fault" he whispered and he started mumbling apologies to me.

"Are you okay Edward? I'm more concerned about you than my cheek. I've had plenty of bruises. They'll heal. And this is most definitely not your fault. This rests solely on me."

He grabbed my hand and held on to me like I was his lifeline.

"Bella, to be honest with you, I'm hanging on to my sanity by a thread right now. I've never wanted to hit someone so badly in my entire life. I cannot believe she put her hands on you. I can't believe the restraint you showed when she slapped you. I am beyond angry that she has honestly deluded herself into believing that I still love her and that what she did wasn't wrong. I still can't believe that she actually thinks that I would ever take her back. I am furious that you had to find out about my past with her the way you did. But at the same time I am in complete awe of you. The way you stood up for me out there, even though a huge bomb had just been dropped in your lap. Bella, I can't tell you how much that means to me. Hearing you say what you did to her would have been enough, but I felt it too, every last word. I felt the truth and conviction behind it all. I know you meant everything you said to her and I am incredibly thankful that I have you in my life. You truly make me a better person."

I didn't know what to say, and even if I did, I wouldn't have been able to speak. The tears were falling too quickly to form a coherent sentence, so I just kissed his cheek instead. When I was finally able to regain my composure I squeezed Edward's hand and I knew I needed to at least try to make him smile.

"Well just so you know I would have never slapped her back…only sissy's slap. Real women punch. I don't think it would have been a very fair fight. Having a law enforcement officer for a father does have its perks. Just ask Jake; he's been on the receiving end more times than I can count."

And it worked. He not only smiled at me but laughed a little as well.

"Let's get out of here." I suggested.

"Yeah, lets." He said as he started the car. He was so quiet. It was apparent he was lost in his own thoughts. As much as I wanted to know the rest of the story, I didn't want him to dwell on it anymore today. He had been through enough already.

"Edward, I'd still like to hear what happened. But it can wait for another day." I said but he shook his head no.

"I want to tell you Bella. I want to get it all out on the table, today. There is still a lot of missing pieces you need to be aware of. There's no need to put this off any longer and I don't want to wait. Just let me make a phone call first."

He called Alice and asked if she would keep Jasper busy for the rest of the day since he and I needed some privacy to talk through some things. Alice was more than glad to help out.

"I can only think of one place we can go and not run the risk of getting interrupted again. Are you okay with going back to my room?" He asked slipping back into his dark place and I just wasn't going to have that.

"Why Mr. Cullen, are you propositioning me?" I said in my most sultry voice while batting my eye lashes. I knew I needed to lighten the mood. I definitely caught him off guard and it took him a moment to respond.

"Miss Swan, are you thinking inappropriate thoughts?" He smiled my favorite smile while laughing, although his eyes were still sad.

But at least I got him to laugh.

"Edward, I have no problems going back to your room. I agree, we need privacy to finish our talk. And I have no doubts that Alice can keep Jasper occupied."

"Bella...that's my sister." He groaned and I laughed.

"Well you're the one that enlisted her help Cullen."

"Point made Swan." And I got to see my favorite smile again. His eyes even looked a bit brighter. I really enjoyed the banter and hoped that we would have many more chances in the future to just have fun together.

We listened to his iPod while we made our way back to campus, neither of us saying anything. I stared out the window and let my mind wander back to all the things that were said between Jessica and Edward. No wonder he was so closed off. She not only preyed upon his feelings and cheated on him, but in the process got pregnant. After telling Edward she was pregnant he offered to give up everything for her and his baby but she disappeared only to come back and tell him that she had taken care of the problem.

_Did Edward know she had been cheating on him when she got pregnant? Or did he find this out later? What happened in those two months? How did he find out that it wasn't his baby? _

And as irrational, illogical, and stupid as it was; I couldn't help but wonder..._Would he want her back in his life if she got the help she so obviously needed?_

I also couldn't help but feel there was still another major piece to the story that I hadn't found out yet. I was brought out of my musings by Edward's sweet but strained voice.

"Bella, we're here. Are you okay? You seem out of it."

"Sorry, just lost in my thoughts." I replied and he looked so dejected at my admission that I knew he misunderstood what I was thinking. I knew I needed to put his mind at ease.

"Edward, please remember what I told you earlier. I'm not going to run away from you. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around everything you've been through."

"Well no time like the present. Let's go up to my room and I'll finish. I'm sure you'll have questions as well and I want to answer them. I want to be completely honest with you."

We got out of his car and made our way to his room. I hadn't been here before but it was much nicer than I would have originally thought. Most guys are messy. Apparently not true for Edward and Jasper. The room was spacious and had its own bathroom. There were two bookshelves full of non school related books. I couldn't wait to see what types of books the guys read. They also had a shelf full of old records and an actual record player. That was interesting.

"Wow Edward. I don't think I've ever met someone our age besides myself that has an actual record collection."

"You collect records too?" He asked surprised.

"Yes I do. Even if they are scratchy and the sound is not always very clear, I love listening to records. Especially recordings of old classical pieces. It makes me feel like I'm actually there."

"This frequency thing we have going on is started to freak me out a bit." He smiled while shaking his head. I would have bet the entire contents of Alice's bank account that I heard him mutter something about soul mates.

After drooling over the record collection, I noticed that Edward had a really nice electric piano on his side of the room.

"Edward, why do you make such a point to come to the music building to practice when you have a piano in your room?" I couldn't help but notice the blush that crept up on his cheeks. I made Edward Cullen blush. The teenage girl in me jumped for joy and giggled in glee.

"Ummm...well I just prefer to practice on a real piano." I understood that but I knew there was more to it but the way he was fidgeting.

"And...I can tell you are hiding something."

"Fine...It's amazing how well you can read me. I keep going to the music building in hopes of running into you." He smiled sheepishly. Before I could even form the thought, I was standing in front of him.

"You, Mr. Cullen, sure know how to make a girl feel special." I stood on my tip toes and gave him a quick kiss and threw my arms around his neck. He responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. The warmth and feel of his body against mine gave me a sudden feeling of peace and calm...a feeling of home. He held me in his firm embrace for what felt like forever but not nearly long enough before releasing his hold.

"I'd much rather stay here like this with you for the rest of the day, but unfortunately we still have things to talk about." He pulled me over to his bed and we both climbed on and sat with our backs against the wall. I grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"Edward, let's just pretend that Jessica never interrupted us. I want to hear what happened from you."

"I'm sorry Bella. I don't even remember where I left off." He said as he drug his fingers through his already worn hair.

"Don't worry. I do. You'd just finished telling me that Jessica made you choose."

He looked completely tortured at the memories and thoughts those few little words invoked in him. I felt the rage start to bubble up in me again at the thought of all the pain Jessica had caused him but I knew I needed to get it under control for Edward's sake. I needed to let him get it all out, purge his system of Jessica and the fallout from her. Then I could start helping him heal; we could start healing each other.

**EPOV**

I still couldn't believe that Bella found out that way. I must have royally pissed off one of the deities to have Jessica inflicted on me in such a way. Wasn't it enough that she fucked up my life? Was it too much to ask that I be allowed to explain my past to the girl I want to spend my present and my future with? Guess not. But if there is a silver lining to be found, it is the fact that Jessica got it all out in the open in a matter of minutes, whereas it may have taken me hours. At least now Bella knows what's going on; well most of it. Now all I have to do is fill in the blanks...oh yeah and drop the last bomb I'm holding on to, the one that may cause her to run.

I don't know if there are words to describe what I'm feeling for Bella right now. The way she took control over the situation was mind boggling. I mean, I know she isn't timid or shy and it is blatantly obvious that she is a fiercely loyal friend. But I'm just shocked that after being emotionally overloaded with her own story, she was able to snap her armor back in place to defend me; and she did it without knowing all the details. And holy hell, I don't care how inappropriate the thought is; she was fucking hot telling Jessica off. Had it been under different circumstances, I may have let the caveman in me take over and thrown her over my shoulder grunting 'your cave or mine'; hey I'm still male.

Hearing Bella tell Jessica that I belong to no one but myself made me realize two things. The first has been repeatedly forced into my head by Dr. Kym but never seemed to penetrate my thick skull; I can't let the actions of others dictate my life. I can't hold myself responsible for them either. I am my own person and therefore I am responsible for my choices, actions, and happiness. The reality that I had let Jessica dictate my life while we were together as well as control it since we've been apart hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know why it took hearing Bella say it for it to finally click in place. The second thing I realized was that although I know I am my own person and I belong to myself, I also wanted to belong to Bella. I wanted her to own me. Fuck, I'll tattoo 'Property of Bella Swan' across my forehead if she wanted me to. Put a fork in my, I'm done.

That may sound unhealthy but for once I feel like I'm in control. I'm willing handing over that control to another. She makes me a better person, a stronger person. Jessica made me weak; leading me in directions that I wasn't at all happy with, but I let her. Bit by bit, I gave her the power to do that to me and she abused it. I know Bella would never take advantage of having that type of power. We would have an equal partnership. She would be giving me power over her as well. Plus, I am stronger now. I know who I am inside and I am confident enough in myself to know that even if I let someone have power over me again, I'd still be in control. I know that may be hard to comprehend but in my mind it makes complete sense. Dr. Kym will have a field day with this revelation.

If the situation hadn't been so serious, I would have fallen on the ground laughing at the look of shock on Jessica's face when Bella threatened her with a restraining order and then backed up that threat by telling her about her dad and all his contacts. She is a force to be reckoned with and I'm eternally grateful that she is on my side. I'm not the type to let others fight my battles, but she did it in such a way that I didn't cause me to feel weak and like I was avoiding the issues. She simply held me up when I needed the strength until I was able to continue on my own. Talking about what happened still isn't easy for me. But I know I need to tell Bella everything and after her reassurances in the car, I know I have the strength to do it.

So here we are in my room, sitting on my bed. I can't help but think that this was not the circumstances I imagined when thinking about Bella in my room and on my bed for the first time. I was brought back to the present by her sweet voice.

"Edward, let's just pretend that Jessica never interrupted us. I want to hear what happened from you."

"I'm sorry Bella. I don't even remember where I left off." I admitted as I pulled at my hair for about the millionth time today. I'm surprised it hasn't all fallen out yet.

"Don't worry. I do. You had just finished telling me that Jessica made you choose."

I can't help the feelings of regret, resentment, and pain that surface when I think about that.

"God, I was such a moron for allowing her to do that to me. I still can't believe I cut Alice out of my life over that bitch. I don't know that I'll ever get over the guilt of that. She didn't even hold it against me. She never even hesitated when I called and asked her to help me. She dropped everything and was just there, for it all."

"Edward, I know that is something that you aren't over yet. You may never be, but I want to talk to you about that later. Don't focus on that right now. The rest is going to be hard enough to get through without the added emotion of guilt." She knew me so well. I pulled her closer to me so our bodies were flush and laid my head on her shoulder, breathing in her intoxicating scent, which relaxed me.

"Alice tried to reach out to me on numerous occasions after the night Jessica demanded I choose, but I ignored her. My parents made several attempts to get me to reconcile with Alice, but I blew them off too. I eventually just stopped taking calls from them as well. This hurt them immensely; we have always been a very tight knit family. It was hard for them to understand why I was alienating myself from them and I just didn't want to face them. The truth is, I couldn't face them. After everything that Esme and Carlisle had done for me, I couldn't handle the hurt I knew they were going through. I was a coward. They came down from Alaska for Thanksgiving to visit and I only spent four hours with them the entire three days they were here. Carlisle's disappointment was devastating to me, but seeing the anguish in Esme's eyes...well I don't ever want to see that look again."

"Jessica knew I was on the outs with my family and knew how much I dreaded seeing them over the break. She even invited me to come home with her, which thrilled me seeing as how I had yet to meet any of her family. I was already packed and waiting to go when she called and pretty much uninvited me. Apparently her parents had invited Laurent and his family over and Jessica didn't want it to be awkward and uncomfortable for anyone. I was hurt that she would choose her ex boyfriend over me. That should have been a big red flashing light but I ignored it, just like I ignored all the other warnings."

"After she returned from Thanksgiving she was very apologetic and tried to smooth things over. I couldn't get over why she didn't want her family to meet me. She would always come up with a plausible excuse and move on to the next topic. For some strange reason, whenever I'd bring up her lack of interest in introducing me to her family, she'd always bring up my lack of interest in wanting to progress to a more physical relationship. I guess I'm just a strange guy but I wasn't ready to pursue a sexual relationship yet. I mean we fooled around but I just never felt the need to have sex with her, which was hard for me to understand. I'm a guy after all, wasn't that what I was supposed to want?. It's hard to explain really, I just didn't feel it. But I knew she was getting frustrated and I was scared it would cause her to break up with me. I know, not healthy."

"There were only a few weeks between the end of Thanksgiving break until the start of Winter break. Alice and I were both flying back to Alaska after our finals were over. Jessica and I spent as much time as we could together during those weeks, but between studying and finals, we didn't get much time together. I noticed her becoming more and more withdrawn from me. I finally got her to talk to me the day before I left for Alaska. She admitted that she was just going through some personal things and just didn't want to worry me with them. After more discussion she finally admitted that she was questioning our relationship. She interpreted me not wanting to have sex with her as me not loving her. That should have told me that she really didn't know what love was. But I ignored that as well. We talked all night and by the next morning decided that we would both take the time over Winter break to really think about our relationship and where we wanted it to go. It was made perfectly clear by both of us that we were not breaking up, taking a break, or anything of the sorts. I loved her and she loved me. We wanted to be together we just needed to think about how to have a better relationship."

By this time I was laying on a pillow that was in Bella's lap and she was pulling her fingers through my hair. It was one of the most soothing things I have ever felt. And it truly made me feel calm, despite the topic of our conversation. I almost purred at the feel of her fingers in my hair. This surprised me because I typically don't like people messing with my hair but I relish the feel of her little hands in my hair. I don't mind Alice and Esme messing with my hair, but it feels so much more different when it's Bella.

"Alice and I actually talked a little on the plane ride home and came to a truce of sorts so things wouldn't be strained in our home over the holidays. She wasn't allowed to say anything at all about Jessica or my relationship with her. I realized how much I missed Alice but knew until she could accept me and Jessica, our relationship would stay as it was. I talked to Jessica everyday over break and although she was saying all the right things, she seemed different; pre occupied. Over the break I attempted to compose a song for her. She'd been asking me for months to do that, but I just couldn't. Music usually just comes to me, but I couldn't for the life of me write anything for her. It all came out sounding like shit. I remember sitting at the piano on Christmas Day trying to write something worth listening to."

"I didn't notice Esme standing in the door way until she spoke. I was so frustrated that I threw my composition book across the room. It was then that she pointed out that in the past I had never had issues composing before. She asked me what I was working on and I gave very vague answers, not wanting her to ask about Jessica. She finally gave up trying to get answers out of me and just simple stated "you have to feel the music before you can write it Edward, you can't just force it" and that should have been a huge wake up call to me. If I didn't have blinders on at the time, I would have seen how accurately that statement could also apply to relationships, specifically mine with Jessica. I think that's the point Esme was trying to make, but I just didn't want to see it at the time."

"I did a lot of thinking about Jessica and I over the break and I was able to admit to myself that we did have problems, but I was willing to work at them if she still wanted a relationship with me. I knew her biggest issue with me was sex, so I decided that if that's what it took for her to be happy with me, then that's what I would give her. God Bella, you can't know how much I regret that."

I was so disgusted with myself just thinking about all the shit that one decision brought into my life. As if she could sense my self loathing, Bella leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss. Her soft lips and sweet breath did the trick. She seems to always know what to do to bring me out of the dark holes I tend to dig for myself.

"I had planned on flying back to Seattle a few days after Christmas so I could spend New Year's Eve with Jessica, but she called and said that her grandma had been put in the hospital and diagnosed with cancer, so she wouldn't be able to meet me there, so I extended my trip to Alaska and flew back with Alice. Jessica was actually really happy and excited to see me when we finally made it back to school, but it almost seemed like she was too happy and trying too hard to assure me of our relationship. We had a long talk and both decided that we wanted our relationship to work."

"In the back of my mind I couldn't help but think that it was taking too much work to make things right. I know there are ups and downs in all relationships and that they take work, but it just seemed overwhelming to me. Something that was supposed to bring happiness into one's life shouldn't feel like a full time job. I thought things should be a bit more natural, but then again, I'd never been in a serious relationship before, so I just went with it. We got back to a more normal routine and she really seemed to be in a better place emotionally where we were concerned. I planned a really romantic weekend getaway for us in towards the end January. I took her to a nice bed and breakfast in Portland. I finally gave in and we had sex. She wasn't a virgin but I was. Physically everything was fine, but emotionally something didn't seem quite right. I know most guys would only focus on the physical, but I guess I'm not a normal guy. Jessica seemed happy that we finally took that last step but she also cried herself to sleep. She told me it was because she was happy and felt complete but something was off with her. Instead of feeling more connected to her, I felt more distant."

"We continued to have a more physical relationship after that, but it still wasn't enough for her. It seemed like whenever we were alone, that's all she wanted to do. Her mind was on sex all the time. She never wanted to just _be_ with me. She was on the pill but growing up with a Dr. for a dad, I always used a condom, except for two incidents, and in my defense, one of those times, I had no control over it. I literally woke up with her on top of me and well...you get the picture. The second time the condom broke. She assured me that she was taking her pill like she was supposed to and that we were in the clear."

"Despite our physical closeness, she started becoming withdrawn again and of course that worried me. She assured me she was just stressed out with her classes and worried about her grandma. She went home once in the middle of February, the day after Valentine's Day to visit, which I begged her not to do. She'd been sick for a few weeks with the flu and I didn't want her traveling and getting sicker plus I didn't think it would be for her grandma, who was receiving chemo, to be around someone that had the flu. But she went anyway. It turned out to be a good thing because I was finally able to finish the piece I had been working on for her. I wasn't all that happy with the final product. I still had to force myself but since I decided to turn it in for a grade in my Composition Class, it helped push me to finish it."

"I decided that I'd play it for her when she got back from visiting her family. I figured she would need some cheering up after spending time at home. She was depressed over her grandma. She'd stayed a few day's at her mom's and got back on a Tuesday. She was tied up most of Wednesday, and had a doctor's appointment on Thursday for a relapse of the flu. I reserved a practice room for Thursday night and set it up with flowers. I even had the composition bound in a leather binder for her. She met me at the music building at 7:30 that night and looked awful. I could tell immediately that something was wrong, more so than just the flu. I tried to get her to go back to her room but she insisted she wanted to hear me play, although she had no idea what I was planning to play. So we went to the room I reserved and I sat her down on the bench and played her song. When I was finished I gave her the leather bound copy, kissed her, told her how much I loved her, and waited for her reaction. I didn't get the one I was expecting."

I had to stop for a minute to gather the strength I needed to relive that memory. Bella never stopped playing with my hair but I needed something more, so I reached up and pulled her face down to me. Understanding what I wanted and needed, she ghosted her lips across mine before kissing me fully on the mouth.

"Edward...remember what I said. I'm not going anywhere." And that's exactly what I needed to hear.

"Instead of being excited that I had actually written her a song, she broke down in tears and just kept saying she was sorry. She cried hysterically for what seemed like hours. I had no idea what was wrong with her. When she calmed down enough that she could talk, she finally admitted what was wrong with her. She told me that she was pregnant. I was shocked and scared shitless. I was in denial too. After all, she was on the pill and I used condoms as back up, except for two times. But I didn't want to believe that one of those two times lead to her being pregnant. I took her back to my room and held her all night."

"We talked and I told her not to worry that I would take care of her and our child. This seemed to only make her cry harder. I told her that we could get married and find somewhere to live off campus. I didn't want either of us to have to drop out of school. I knew Carlisle and Esme would be disappointed but I also knew they would do whatever they could to help us out. My trust fund would allow both of us to stay in school without having to work. I told Jessica that everything would be okay. It was far from an ideal situation, but I loved her and I wanted us to be together. I feel asleep with her in my arms. When I woke up the next morning, she was gone. She didn't leave a note or anything."

"I didn't think too much about it. I was too stressed out to really worry. I ended up calling Alice and telling her I needed to talk to her. The first thing she said after I told her that Jessica was pregnant was that I needed to request a paternity test. I didn't want to hear that shit from her so I just walked away from her, again. I called my parents and explained what was going on. They were both upset and disappointed but handled the news better than I thought they would...that is until they also requested that I ask for a paternity test. Seems like my whole family knew my girlfriend better than I did."

Bella continued to play with my hair with her right hand while her left hand rested on my chest, tracing small patterns on the top of my t-shirt. As crazy as it sounds, I was very relaxed despite reliving one of the worst days of my life.

"I spent the rest of the rest of the day trying to track down Jessica. I called, texted, emailed, went by her room...nothing. Alice hadn't seen her and none of her friends knew where she was either. I finally convinced one of her friends to get in touch with Jessica's parents. Anne finally called me back and told me that she reached her parents and that everything was okay and for me to stop worrying. That didn't help. I kept trying to reach Jessica with no luck. Anne wouldn't give me the number to her parent's house, so I was left waiting and wondering."

"A week later I was sitting at my desk, trying to study. It had been a hell of a week. I mean, fuck, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant and then just disappears without a word. I was in the middle of studying the endocrine system when there was a knock on my door. I can't tell you the range of emotions that went through me when I opened the door and saw Jessica there. I was relieved, happy, pissed, angry, furious, confused...you name it and I was probably feeling it. I couldn't help but ask her where the fuck she'd been. That's when she spoke probably the second worst news I'd ever heard, the first being the death of my parents. She calmly and casually informed me that she had taken care of the problem. I don't know how long I stood there trying to process what she said, but when it finally clicked...I lost it."

"_What do you mean you took care of the problem?"_

"_Don't be stupid Edward, you're going to be a doctor. What do you think I did?"_

"_Please god tell me you didn't get an abortion without at least discussing it with me first. And then on top of that ignore me for a week. Do you have any fucking idea how worried I've been about you?"_

"_My body Edward. I did what I had to. I needed time to myself without complications."_

"_It might be your body, but that was my baby too. Did you even for one second stop and think about what you were doing? What this would do to me?" By this point the tears were falling freely and I didn't care. I knew we were young and things would be hard, but I had already accepted the fact that I was going to be a dad and it kind of excited me. I wanted the chance to do all the things with my child that my dad never got the chance to do with me._

"_Edward we are too young to have a baby. I did us both a favor. Neither of us is ready for that type of responsibility. What about all of our plans? How would we live? You aren't going to make me feel like I did anything wrong. I did the right thing."_

"_I would have at least thought you would have enough compassion to talk to me about this before killing my child."_

"_Baby, we'll have plenty chances later in life. We weren't ready for this."_

"_I promised I would take care of you both. Why didn't you listen to me? I told you I was more than capable of financially taking care of you and the baby. Why didn't you at least let me be a part of the decision? Or be there for you afterwards? Jessica we are in a relationship, a partnership. You have to let me in on these things, especially things that directly involve me."_

"_This was my body and my decision. Now we don't have to worry about it screwing up our lives right now."_

"_Oh my god. You are a cold hearted bitch. You could at least show some compassion for your unborn child. I wouldn't have forced you to have a baby if you truly didn't want to but fuck Jessica, you could have at least given me the option of being a part of the decision to terminate the pregnancy as well as to be there for you. I don't know who you are any more and to be honest I haven't for a while. The person I met and fell in love with doesn't exist anymore and I'm convinced that maybe she never did."_

"_Edward don't say that. I'm right here."_

"_No, she's nowhere to be seen. You are not the person I met, got to know, and fell in love with. I don't know what parts were real and what wasn't. Please leave. Don't bother calling me."_

"_You don't mean that. You love me. We'll make this work. We can try again in the future. Can't you just thank me for letting you off the hook?" She pleaded as she cried._

"_Yes I do mean it, I don't know who you are anymore. Leave, don't call or come back. I can't deal with you right now. And as far as letting me off the hook...didn't I promise to take care of you both? I have the means to do that and you know it, not just financially either. Did I ever give you any type of inclination that I wanted you to have an abortion? I would have loved the both of you until the end of time, with my whole heart. You will not place this on me. You did this for you and only you. I am a man of my word. I would have given you the world if you wanted it. And you repay me by killing my child. You didn't even ask how I felt. Fuck, you could have at least told me that you made a decision before going through with it. You are a heartless, self centered bitch who thinks of nothing and no one but yourself."_

"_Edward, I'm so sorry. Please don't do this. I thought I was doing us both a favor. I can see now that I was wrong. Please forgive me. I can't live without you."_

"_Too little, too late Jessica. Sorry isn't going to bring our child back and certainly isn't going to make me trust you again. Please leave. I can't even stand to look at you right now."_

Even thought I know now that it wasn't my baby, it still tore me up inside to think about that day.

"I was a completely devastated after she left. I think I was in a state of shock, nearly catatonic. I didn't want to believe that my future son or daughter no longer existed. Without even consciously thinking about it, I called Alice. She picked up on the first ring, almost like she was expecting my call."

"_Alice...Alice, I need you." I managed to get out before the sobs overtook me again._

"_I know Edward, I'll be right there."_

_Alice was at my door in less than ten minutes. I threw myself into her arms as soon as she shut my door, crumbling to the ground as I held on to her for dear life._

"_Edward, let's get you out of here. Your roommate will be back before too long and I know you don't want to come to my room. I'm packing you a bag and we are going away for the weekend."_

I looked up to see tears flowing from Bella's eyes, but I needed to finish this story.

"Alice got my stuff together for me and walked me to her car, well more like lead me. I don't even remember leaving my room that night. She ran to her room and packed a bag for herself before we started driving. I don't even know where we ended up. She didn't say anything the entire time she drove. We'd been in the car for a few hours when she pulled up to a hotel. She gave the keys to the valet and grabbed our bags. I felt like a small child who was being lead around by his mother, but I didn't care. Alice never once asked me what was wrong. She was just there for me. She paid for a two bedroom suite for three nights and then lead me to our room."

"She called room service and ordered some food for us before calling our parents. She wanted to let them know about the hotel charges on her emergency credit card. Esme and Carlisle made sure we had two credit cards; one for everyday use and one for emergencies. We had a limit on our everyday one but the emergency one had no limit and whenever it was used, they were notified. When they asked what the emergency was, she just told them that we were burying the hatchet. They were pleased and didn't push for more information. although I was pretty sure that they knew something more was going on. They can always tell when something is wrong with me or Alice."

"Alice tried to get me to eat, but I wasn't the least bit hungry. She finally managed to get me to take a shower and put on some sweats. I crawled in bed and she just laid with me playing with my hair. She never asked me what was wrong, just let me cry for hours. I finally fell asleep. When I woke up, I knew I would have to tell Alice about everything."

"She was sitting in the living room of our suite with breakfast waiting for me. I was actually able to eat a little bit. After we ate, I asked her how she knew I needed her."

"_I knew something was wrong when Jessica showed up at our room after being gone for a week. She looked devastated. She told me that you would probably need me, that you two broke up. She packaged a bag and left without another word. I was getting ready to call you when you called me."_

"_Why Alice? After the way I've treated you for the past four months, why would you drop everything for me?"_

"_Edward, you may have been acting like an asshole, but you are brother and I love you unconditionally. You would have done the same thing if it were me. I know you love me and nothing will change that."_

"_Thank you Alice. Just so you know, I am incredibly sorry for the way I've been treating you. I know you were only trying to look out for me. I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness."_

"_You've already been forgiven big brother. But I do want to know what happened, when you're ready to talk about it. I'm not going to push. We have until Sunday before we have to head back."_

"_I might as well tell you now. It's not going to hurt any less by waiting. Alice, there isn't going to be a baby. I'm no longer going to be a dad."_

"_Oh my gosh Edward, did Jessica have a miscarriage? I'm so sorry Edward. I know you must be devastated."_

"_No Alice, Jessica didn't have a miscarriage. As she so eloquently told me...she took care of the problem."_

"_She...wait a minute. Are you saying she..." Alice gasped as the tears started to fall._

"_Yes Alice. She had an abortion. That's why she was gone all last week. She had a fucking abortion and didn't even bother to let me know until after it was too late. She killed my baby without a second thought. She told me that she was letting me off the hook, that we weren't ready for this. She didn't even have the decency to tell me before she murdered my baby. MY BABY ALICE. She KILLED my baby."_

"_Oh Edward. I am so sorry." She sobbed as she pulled me to her. I laid in her lap and cried with her._

"_It was like she didn't even listen to anything I told her last week. I promised I would take care of her and the baby. She knew I had the financial means to insure we would be fine. I told her time and again that neither of us would have to drop out of school. She just didn't care. Alice, had I known she didn't want the baby, I would have taken all responsibility for him or her after the birth. Jessica could have cut all contact with the child. I would have been a good and responsible father. I was actually looking forward to it. I wanted to be the father that my dad never got the chance to be, the father that Carlisle has always been."_

"_I know Edward. I don't know what to say. I know you are hurting and I'm here for you for whatever you need. I love you so much. I hope you know that."_

"_I do Alice. Thank you. I can't tell you how sorry I am for what I've put you through. I'm just so very thankful you are here now. I love you too Alice." _

I needed a break after telling Bella about that and it looked like she did too.

"Hey, want me to order some pizza?" I asked her.

"Sure, that sounds great."

While we waiting for the pizza, we laid down on my bed together. I pulled her back flush to my chest and curled around her tiny body. After a few minutes she rolled over so we were face to face. She didn't say anything, just stared into my eyes while playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. We were having a silent conversation. I realized that I wanted more moments like this with Bella. I would be perfectly content spending hours with her, just laying like we were right now. I was almost angry when the pizza arrived. I didn't want to move. But her stomach growled so I knew she needed to eat.

After we finished the pizza, we got comfortable on my bed again. It had been a long day, hell a long weekend, but I wanted to finish. I knew she wanted to take a few days apart afterwards and I didn't want to be apart any longer than we had to.

"I laid in Alice's lap for hours that day, drifting in and out of sleep. At some point she called our parents and they jumped on the first flight they could get. It was then that I found out we were in Tacoma. My parents arrived late that night. Esme was devastated. She was never able to have children and after the initial shock that I was going to be a dad had worn off, she was looking forward to being a grandma. She didn't take the news well at all. Carlisle wasn't much better. I didn't say much more over the next two days. Alice, Esme, and Carlisle spent the time comforting me and just being there. I hadn't realized how much I missed them until then."

"Carlisle offered to talk to the school and give them a medical excuse so I could take some time off. Not ethical but he was a father watching his son grieve. As tempting as that offer was, I knew I needed to keep busy not have more time to think. Before we parted ways on that Sunday, Esme told us that we were taking a family vacation over Spring Break. Carlisle worked with a doctor who had a beach house in Clearwater Beach, Florida and offered to let Carlisle and Esme use it whenever they wanted. So they took him up on his offer. They assured me that they knew it wouldn't take my mind off things, but thought that a small distraction and a change of scenery would be welcomed. They were right. Unfortunately, I had three weeks to suffer through before Spring Break."

"I don't really know how I got through the next few weeks or months for that matter. I went to class, studied, ate, slept, and hung out with Alice. I avoided the music building and my piano at all costs, which effectively took away the one think that I was always able to turn to when my emotions got the best of me. Jessica kept coming back to her room to get clothes and such, but never when Alice was there. After the first week, Jessica started trying to contact me. She started by calling and texting my cell phone. She started emailing me from her school account and when I ignored all those emails, she created another email account. I opened the first email she sent from that account before blocking it. After a week of ignoring all of her attempts, she showed up at my room. Luckily my roommate ran her off. He didn't know the details of what happened, just that I didn't want to see her."

"She finally caught up to me the day Alice and I were leaving for Spring Break. She got all of two words out of he mouth before Alice went off on her. She was still ranting at Jessica when our taxi arrived to take us to the airport. She was begging for me to talk to her, but I refused. I spent the entire week we were in Florida on the beach. During the day I'd sit one the beach and read or listen to music. At night I'd walk up and down the shoreline or just lay on the sand and look at the stars. I spent some time with the family but I mostly kept to myself."

"It's amazing how quickly you can become so attached to someone you've never met. I knew about my child for a week but I had grown to love him or her. Despite the difficulties having a child at 19 would have caused, I was ready for it. I had just processed the fact that I was really going to be a dad when my child was ripped away from me. I didn't know how to deal with the range of emotions I was going through. One minute I'd be so angry that I would start shaking only to have a panic attack the next. My whole family tried to talk me into therapy several times, but I didn't want to hear it. In my mind, to acknowledge it to someone outside of my family made it even more real and I wasn't ready for that. On top of grieving for the lose of my child, I was also dealing with the lose of my relationship with Jessica. That brought up even more issues. I couldn't help but question each and every interaction we had ever had since meeting."

"The trip to Florida did offer a change of scenery but it gave me way too much time to get lost inside my own head. By the time Alice and I arrived back in Seattle, I was worse off than when we left. I didn't realize it, but I was sinking into a deep depression. I spent the next month avoiding everyone and everything, except Alice. She wasn't happy with the way I was handling things but she knew not to push me. She knew I'd start dealing with it in my own way and in my own time. We spent hours just sitting together, especially at the pier. I started losing weight from lack of eating and that caused some health problems. Carlisle and Esme came to see us at the beginning of April and they were scared for me. Carlisle went to the store and bought me a bunch of vitamins and supplements and made me promise to take them everyday. I figured I could do that much for them. After a pretty emotional talk with Esme, I agreed to talk to a therapist. I knew I wasn't dealing with things on my own but I still wasn't ready to face the reality of it."

"It was the middle of April when my world shifted yet again. Jessica had been trying to get in touch with me relentlessly for three days. She called, texted, email, came by my room. I ignored her at each and every turn. It wasn't until Alice called me that I knew whatever it was had to be important."

"_Edward, I think you need to get in touch with Jessica."_

"_Why would I do that Alice? I don't want anything to do with her."_

"_I know Edward and I don't want you around her, but she came to the room this afternoon looking for me. She was hysterical. She just kept saying that she knew you would listen to me and that she really needed to see you. I told her to fuck off, but she said that if I cared about you and your life at all that I would deliver the message to you. I don't know what's going on Edward, but I'm scared. She has avoided me at all cost since February and now all of a sudden she comes to me asking for help. I have a bad feeling about this."_

"_Alice, she could just be saying all of that so I'll get in touch with her. You know how desperate she is." _

"_I don't think so. I really think there is something wrong. I hate to ask this of you Edward, but please, for my sanity, will you at least call her and see what she wants?"_

"Even though every fiber of my being wanted to tell her no, I just couldn't. Alice had been there for me every second of everyday since Jessica told me about the abortion. So I did what she asked and I called Jessica. She picked up on the first ring and just as Alice said, she was hysterical.

"_Oh Edward. I'm so glad you called me. I need to talk to you immediately. Can we meet somewhere?"_

"_Jessica, just tell me what you want. There is no need for us to meet."_

"_I know you have no reason to trust me, but please, I really need to talk to you in person. We can meet wherever you want, whenever you want, all on your terms. Bring Alice if you want to. Whatever it takes, I'll agree. I just really need to see you."_

"_Fine, I'll meet you in Alice's room in thirty minutes."_

"_I'll be there."_

"I called Alice and told her what was going on. By the time I reached her room she was a mess. She kept saying she had a bad feeling about what Jessica was going to say. I knew I was probably going to need her once I talked with Jessica but I was honestly scared to have her in the room when Jessica revealed whatever it was she had to say. I ended up asking Alice if she would wait in the TV room that was located on her floor. She agreed and left as soon as Jessica got to the room."

"She attempted to make small talk at first but shut up when she realized I wasn't responding. So she started apologizing for the abortion. I didn't want to hear that either. I could tell she was stalling and she started pacing back and forth, a sure sign she was nervous. I finally snapped and yelled at her."

"_Jessica, what do you want. You acted like it was a life or death matter for me to meet you so stop with the small talk and the apologies. Just say what you need to say so I can leave."_

"_It might be a matter of life and death." I heard her mumble._

"_What the hell are you talking about? I'm not in the mood for games Jessica." I was pissed that she drug me out of my room for this._

"_I know and I'm sorry. There is a lot I need to tell you. Please, just let me get it all out and then you can ask all the questions you want." She begged._

"_I'm listening."_

"_About two months after we started dating, my mom called and asked if she could give Laurent my phone number and email address. Apparently he had approached her and told her that he still wanted to be friends with me. I agreed, but was skeptical. He called me a few days later and just wanted to talk. I told him about you and he apologized for how he treated me. He told me that he still wanted to be friends with me. We've known each other most of our lives and our families are close, so I figured it would be easier on all involved if we could maintain a friendship. We started emailing and calling one another on a more consistent basis. I would sneak out late at night to call him so Alice wouldn't hear me, usually after she went to sleep. I started going to Anne's on Thursday nights so I could video chat with him. I promise, we were just friends, but I was scared of how you would react, so I never told you."_

"_When I ran home in October after our first big fight, I called him and he met me at my house. We talked all night long, just like we used to. He ended up kissing me and I didn't stop him, not at first. He tried to take things further but I said no. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. I felt so guilty when I got back to school that I ignored you until I could get my guilt under control. It was harder to avoid Alice and she caught me on the phone with him. She didn't hear much of our conversation but I think she heard enough to suspect. She confronted me and told me that she knew something was going on with me and that if I wouldn't tell you then she would. That's the night I came to you and told you it was either her or me. I knew Alice would avoid hurting you if at all possible but I also knew she would tell you of her suspicions, so I did what I had to do to keep you away from her."_

_And this made me feel even more shitty than I previously had. Alice was only trying to watch out for me and she had reason to. I just ignored her. I could have saved myself so much trouble and heartache had I just listened._

"_I started spending more and more time at Anne's place so I could avoid Alice. I knew you and your family weren't getting along so that's why I invited you to come home with me for Thanksgiving. The day before we were scheduled to leave, my mom called and told me that Laurent and his family were going to be joining us for Thanksgiving. He and his family were supposed to be out of town. I didn't know how he would act around you or what he would say, so I chickened out and left you behind. We spent a lot of time together over the break and he kissed me again, a few times actually and we did other stuff."_

"_I just have to say Jessica, for someone who claims to love me, you sure didn't act like it. What does other stuff include? And yes, I want to know." I was a sadistic fucker but the sick part of me just had to know._

"_I do love you Edward. You have to believe me. I never meant for anything to happen with him. It was more out of habit than anything. We've known each other our whole lives and dated for years. As for the other stuff. He went down on me and I returned the favor. He asked me for sex but I said no." _

"_How noble of you." I said sardonically. _

"_Please Edward, let me finish. I already feel bad enough. I spent the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas break thinking about the relationship you and I had. I started questioning whether you really loved me or not. In my experience sex equals love and you weren't having sex with me. So I didn't know if you really loved me. I felt so much better about us after I finally told you what I was feeling. I realized that you did love me and that I was just being stupid. I left you to go home feeling like we could overcome anything. But once I actually got home and back around Laurent, I started questioning it again. Sometimes I felt like me and you were just best friends with benefits. I didn't feel any passion between us and that scared me. But I loved you so I was willing to make it work. I wanted to make it work."_

"_A few days after I got home, Laurent invited me over to hang out. His parents were going to be gone for the night and he wanted to watch a movie. We ended up drinking and I got drunk. We had sex that night. We ended up having sex a few times while I was home."_

"_You cheated on me with your ex boyfriend while we were trying to make our relationship better?" She really is a heartless bitch._

"_Yes."_

"_That's just fanfuckingtastic." I yelled and I just wanted to hit something._

"_I felt so guilty. I told him before I left that I couldn't do that to you and that it would never happen again. I knew you wanted us to spend New Year's Eve together but I couldn't face you that soon, so I told you that my grandma had been put in the hospital."_

"_You lied about your grandma having cancer to avoid me after you fucked your ex boyfriend? You really are a piece of work." I couldn't help the venom that flooded my voice. But she ignored it and kept on talking. I was starting to wonder how much more I could tolerate._

"_Once I got back to school, I cut off all contact with him. We started getting along so much better and then you took me to Portland for the weekend. I was so happy when we finally made love but I felt horribly guilty. That's why I cried myself to sleep that night. You actually made love to me. That's something I had never experienced before and I hated myself for pressuring you and then really hated myself for cheating on you. I didn't deserve you or your love." I couldn't help but think she read more into that night than I did. I remember feeling like something was missing. If that's what making love feels like, well it's not very fulfilling._

"_So if your grandma didn't have cancer, why did you run home the day after Valentine's Day? Did you have a date with your ex?"_

"_I had a doctor's appointment with my OBGYN. I suspected I was pregnant. That's why I had been so withdrawn in the weeks prior. The doctor confirmed that I was close to nine weeks along." And that's when shit really hit the fan._

"_Wait...you told me close to the end of February...which means you got pregnant in December. We weren't having sex in December Jessica. Are you fucking telling me that you were pregnant with Laurent's baby?"_

"_Yes." She whispered so quietly I hardly heard her._

"_You let me think for almost two months that you killed my baby when you knew the entire time the was no way in hell that I could possibly be the father?" I didn't know what emotion to feel a that confession. I literally felt like I was having an out of body experience, just watching the catastrophe unfolding before me._

"_Yes."_

"_Why? Why didn't you tell me the truth then? And why are you telling me the truth now?"_

"_I was fucked either way Edward. I was just trying to get out of the situation without losing everything that was important to me. I told Laurent I was pregnant, as soon as I found out how far along I was. I knew he was the only possibility. He didn't want the baby. He told me that if I got an abortion, he would keep his mouth shut about the whole thing and you would never find out that I'd been cheating on you with him. I briefly thought about keeping the baby, but I knew you would eventually find out that I cheated on you and the baby wasn't yours. First I knew you could add and figure out that I got pregnant before we even had sex. Second, even if you did accept the baby as yours, as soon as it was born, my secret would have been out. Laurent is French. His complexion is closer to that of an African American, so there is no way two people as white as us could produce a baby with brown skin."_

"_So why tell me at all? Why didn't you just have an abortion and pretend it never happened, leaving me in the dark the whole time? Why tell me about the pregnancy at all?" I didn't know how to react to all this information. I was in overload. I knew as soon as I had time to process what she was saying, I was going to be in desperate need of help._

"_I had no intentions of telling you I was pregnant, but my emotions got the best of me that night. The guilt I felt after you played that song for me overwhelmed me and I just blurted it out. I could have told you the truth and kept the baby but there was no way I could have raised a baby on my own. My parents would have disowned me and no matter how good of a man you are, there is no way you would have raised another man's baby. I thought about carrying the baby to term and then putting it up for adoption, but you would have known I cheated on you. I wanted you and I was willing to do whatever I had to do to keep you. Unfortunately my mouth spoke before my brain engaged. I knew there was very little chance of you staying with me, but I had hope. I was hoping that after I had the abortion I could make you understand why I did it and we could work things out, without ever having to bring the situation with Laurent into the equation." She is not only heartless but selfish and manipulative. _

"_Why didn't you just tell me you had a miscarriage?"_

"_I thought about that option as well, but as strange as it may sound, I didn't want to lie about that. I didn't want to jinx any future pregnancies by lying about having a miscarriage. I didn't want to deal with bad karma."_

"_Yeah, karma can be a real bitch. I hope you remember that. But this doesn't change anything. I'm sorry you were put in that position but you still cheated on me, lied to me, lead me to believe that you were pregnant with my child, and then had an abortion. After all of that you still waited almost two months to tell me the truth. Did you ever intend to tell me that you cheated on me or about the circumstances behind the abortion?"_

"_No, I didn't. I didn't want to hurt you any further by rubbing Laurent in your face or the fact that the baby wasn't yours. Plus I figured if I could keep that from you then maybe we could reconcile in the future."_

"_You really are crazy. Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself. Everything you have done has been for your benefit, and yours alone. The hell with the other involved. Why now? What has changed?"_

"_Laurent had fuck buddy between October and December of last year. She called him a few days ago to inform him that he needed to get tested, that she had a positive test result. They had unprotected sex multiple times. I also had unprotected sex with Laurent."_

"_And you and I had unprotected sex twice..."_

"_Yes, we both needed to get tested."_

"_This just keeps getting better and better." How much more could she fuck up my life?_

"_So what in the fuck do I need to get tested for?" I asked while praying it wouldn't be something fatal. She hesitated before answering, which caused the panic to set in. She took a deep breath and shook her head. She didn't want to say it out loud. I knew I had my answer. My life was really about to get fucked up._

"_Jessica, answer me." I demanded. She looked at me with such pity and sadness in her eyes before answering._

"_HIV, Edward. You need to get tested for HIV." _

**A/N: *Ducks under the covers* Sorry guys, I had to do it. The chapter was getting long enough. Plus, holding this chapter hostage did get me more reviews than normal. So....**

**Let me know what you are thinking, feeling, loving, hating. What do you think of assertive badass Bella? How many of you want to dismember Jessica and scatter the pieces? Who wants to wrap Edward up in their arms and take his pain away?**

**Also, what are some things you'd like to see happen in this story? **

**Thanks so much for taking the time to read...now all you have to do is push that little button and leave me some love!!! I'll send a teaser of chapter 31 to anyone who does.**


	31. Chapter 31: The Pixie and The Chief

**A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's a little bit shorter than the past few chapters but it still contains lots of info. I know you want to know about the test results so I'll shut up and just finish this A/N at the bottom. Enjoy!!!**

**Chapter 31: The Pixie and The Chief**

**EPOV**

"No, no, no, no, this can't be happening...." is all I heard coming from Bella.

She was sitting on the end of my bed with her head buried in her hands. Gut wrenching sobs were shaking her body. I knew what she was thinking and I chastised myself for being such a dumb ass.

"Oh God Bella. I'm so sorry. I don't have HIV. I'm negative. I promise. I'm okay. I'm such an idiot." I told her as I pulled her into my lap. She was still crying but was calming down.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't mean to lose it like that." She wrapped herself around my body like a glove and clung to me. I ran my fingers through her hair and down her back and she finally started to relax.

"Jeez, some help I am. I'm supposed to be the one comforting you. After all this is your fucked up story." She said as we both laughed.

"Well if you want the truth, I like you wrapped around my body like this. So please, anytime you need to be comforted, promise you'll come find me." I smiled as she popped me on the back of the head.

"I'll keep that in mind casanova." The light banter was greatly appreciated.

"Do you want to hear the rest? There isn't a whole lot left." I inquired.

"Yeah, let's finish this." She sighed as she wiped the remaining tears from her cheek.

"After she told me that I needed to get tested for HIV, I went ballistic. I have no idea what I said to Jessica, none whatsoever. I don't even know if I was speaking English. I let all the hurt, anger, and agony out that I had been holding in since she told me about the abortion. I must have been pretty loud because Alice came running in the room, saying she could hear me all the way down the hall. She took one look between me and Jessica and told her in not so many words that she needed to leave...I believe her phrase was Bitch leave now or I'll fuck you up."

"Jessica hauled ass out of that room. She knew better than to cross Alice, especially when it was evident that whatever was said had thoroughly enraged me. It took Alice about fifteen minutes to calm me down enough to even acknowledge her. She literally had to knock some sense into me. That little pixie is stronger than she looks. She eventually pulled me out of her room and drug me to her car. We ended up at the pier. It took me another hour of processing what Jessica had said to me before I spoke."

"Alice sat in silence the entire time I relayed the conversation with Jessica. Her mouth was set in a hard line when I told her how Jessica cheated on me, she started shaking with anger when I told her about the abortion and all of Jessica's scheming, but when I told her that I needed to get tested for HIV, she blew a gasket. I don't think I've ever seen her so furious. I literally had to hold Alice down so she wouldn't go after Jessica. It wasn't until she realized how worried I was about the possible outcome that she calmed down."

"I knew I needed to call Esme and Carlisle but I was scared shitless. It wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone either and truthfully, I needed both of my parents physical presence. After I was sure Alice wouldn't make a mad dash to campus to hunt Jessica down, I let her go and asked to borrow her cell phone. It was late but I needed my parents. That phone call was harder to make than the one when I told them that Jessica was pregnant. I called and Carlisle answered the phone. I'll never forget that conversation.

"_Hello."_

"_Hey Dad."_

"_What's wrong son?"_

"_I'm not sure yet. Nobody is hurt but that's the best I can give you right now."_

"_Edward, what's going on. You're scaring me."_

"_Dad, I know this is a lot to ask. Especially since you and mom have taken so much time off over the last two months to come down here. But I really need you both."_

"_Can you tell me anything? You know your mother and I will be there whenever you need us, but to tell you the truth, you are freaking me out and if I tell your mom what you've told me, she'll be hysterical. I'm looking at available flights right now, but you have to give me some more information to keep us sane until we can get there. I'm going to put you on speaker phone while I'm searching for flights."_

"_I'm sorry dad. I didn't mean to make you worry so much. I talked to Jessica today and she confessed a whole lot of shit to me, mainly that she was cheating on me when she got pregnant. Matter of fact, she got pregnant before we were ever intimate. There was zero possibility that I was the father of that baby."_

"_Are you telling me that she has known the entire time you weren't the father of that child and she never told you?" I heard Esme ask and she was beyond furious._

"_Yes." And I heard Esme mutter 'bitch' in the background, which nearly made me laugh. Esme never says that word._

"_How are you doing with all this new information son?"_

"_I don't know yet. I just really need you and mom here."_

"_We're coming son. Dr. Garrison owes me a favor. I'll call him as soon as we hang up. The earliest we can fly out is 8:00 tomorrow morning. We'll rent a car at the airport. I'll call you when we land and you and Alice can meet us at our usual hotel. I'll be sure to get a suite in case you want to stay with us while we are there."_

"_Thanks mom and dad. I love you both."_

"_We love you too Edward. Hang in there. We'll be there tomorrow."_

"True to their word, they arrived the next day. It was a Thursday and I didn't have class the next day so I packed a bag and planned to stay with them for the weekend. Alice and I met them after our classes were over for the day and we ended up eating in the hotel restaurant before making our way to their room. I didn't even wait for them to ask question. I just told them everything that Jessica told me the day before. They were both utterly shocked and appalled by Jessica's behavior. They couldn't believe the lengths she was willing to go to keep her cheating from me. They were even more disturbed that Laurent would use a baby as a form of blackmail."

"I still hadn't had a chance to process everything. I knew that I was severely damaged. I mean, for two months I was under the impression that my girlfriend had killed my child. Then I find out that she not only kept the fact that she cheated on me a secret but that she knew the entire time there was no way the baby was mine. Throw into the mix that there is a possibility that I may have contracted HIV...well yeah I was a fucking mess."

"Esme and Carlisle were still trying to come to terms with the fact that the baby was never mine when I dropped the big news. It was even harder than I imagined"

"_Edward honey. I am so sorry that you have had to go through all of this. It isn't fair but we will always be here for you."_

"_I know mom, but I'm not finished yet and I'm not really sure how to tell you what's left." Alice sat down beside me and held my hand and Esme sat on the other side of me rubbing my back._

"_Whatever it is son, we'll face it together." Carlisle said and she patted me on the shoulder._

"_Well you know that I talked to Jessica yesterday but what I didn't tell you was that she spent most of the week trying to contact me. I've done a really good job at ignoring her. But she went to Alice and begged for Alice to talk to me and get me to contact her. Alice called me and told me that she felt like something was really wrong if Jessica came to her for help. I agreed but still didn't want to talk to Jessica. We all know how persuasive Alice can be and I eventually gave in. I called Jessica and we agreed to meet at Alice's room."_

"_That's when she told me about Laurent and the abortion, but that wasn't the main reason for contacting me. She also informed me that from October until December of last year that Laurent had a 'fuck buddy' and he never used protection. Apparently she contacted Laurent over the weekend to inform him that she tested positive for HIV. Jessica had unprotected sex with Laurent."_

"_Please tell me you didn't have unprotected sex with her." My mom begged._

"_I did. Twice. I know you don't want to hear this and I don't like telling you this, but I just want you to know I wasn't being an irresponsible teen. The first time we had unprotected sex, I literally woke up in the middle of the act. The second time the condom broke, thus unprotected." I answered and Esme began sobbing._

_My dad went into doctor mode and immediately started doing the math._

"_It takes six months for HIV to show up in blood work. If we take Laurent's word, then the last time he was with his 'partner' was in December. That means we have to wait until June before he gets his result, possibly July if he was with her in late December. If his test come back negative, then you and Jessica are in the clear. But I want you to start getting tested every month until we learn what his results are. After that, as your dad, I want you to continue to get tested every month for the next six months. I know the last time you and Jessica were together was in February, so technically you should be in the clear by August, But I'm being a paranoid father right now and not a doctor."_

"_I'm so sorry. I never meant to bring this much trouble into this family."_

"_Son, things happen. You can't change that. But we are your family and we will always be here for you. No matter what."_

"I was able to make them laugh when I told them how I practically had to sit on Alice to keep her from going to find Jessica. Esme looked almost proud, although she would never condone violence. The next day Esme and Carlisle insisted that I find a therapist. I had already agreed to therapy but I hadn't been actively seeking out a therapist. Carlisle call one of his colleagues and was able to get a recommendation for one here in Seattle. He called immediately and set up my first appointment which would take place the following week. We spent most of Saturday at the pier. They both knew that this was one of the few places that calmed me down. Alice was still furious with Jessica and I was scared what she would do if she ran into her. My mom offered to stay in Seattle for as long as I needed her to, but I assured her I would be fine. Her and my dad decided to fly back to Alaska on Sunday."

"Knowing how important my privacy is to me, Carlisle bought some dry ice and a small cooler on Saturday night. He drew a few vials of my blood and sealed them in the container on Sunday before leaving. Since he has medical clearance, he was able to take the cooler on the plane with him. He told me he would take care of getting the blood sent to the HIV clinic and all the paperwork. It was sometime over the next month that he and Esme decided that Alaska was too far away from me and Alice and that's when he started checking into hospitals around Washington and Oregon."

"Carlisle sent the blood work off as soon as he got home. It took two weeks for the results to come in. They were negative and we all breathed a small sigh of relief. We knew I wasn't in the clear but a negative result was something to smile about. My first appointment with Dr. Kym was interesting to say the least. I had a really hard time opening up to her. After three sessions of me sitting on her couch in almost complete silence, she somehow managed to get out of me that I loved music. That's when she suggested the 'Anthem of the Week' with me. It was a great way to break the ice at the start of each session. It took me a few more sessions before I finally opened up to her, but when I did, the floodgates opened and it really helped."

"She helped me deal with my raging emotions in a way I didn't think was possible. I ended up staying for the first session of summer classes, mostly so I could continue therapy but also, I just wasn't quite ready to go back to Alaska. I missed my family but I couldn't handle the constant worrying. If everything worked out, we would know by the time the first summer session was over, if Laurent had contracted HIV. Jessica called me after Laurent's first test results came back. That was a bad day. His test came back inconclusive. The month that followed was one of the hardest of my life. You can imagine the relief we all felt when his latest test results came back negative. I was still getting tested every month as was Jessica and we were both getting negative results as well. I only talked to her to exchange test results and I said as little as possible during the phone calls."

"Little by little I was working to dig myself out of the black hole I crawled in. It was more difficult when Alice went back to Alaska for the summer but I wasn't going to ask her to stay. She had already helped me through so much. It was time that I started taking care of myself."

"The day my whole family had been holding their breath for finally came. A week before classes ended, Jessica called me to let me know that Laurent's latest test came back negative as did hers. I would be getting the results from my latest test when I got back home. Of course, I'd only been with Jessica so we were pretty sure mine would be negative as well."

"I'm still going to get tested every month until Carlisle tells me otherwise, but just so you know and I'm not trying to be presumptuous, he has told me that in his medial opinion, it is safe for me to have a physical relationship." I said and I couldn't help but blush a little.

"Mr. Cullen, are you propositioning me for the second time today?" She asked while laughing. She always knows how to lighten the mood.

"Miss Swan, are you thinking inappropriate thoughts again?" I joked but I was secretly hoping she was doing exactly that.

"So that's my fifty shades of fucked up." I finally said.

We fell into a comfortable silence while Bella processed everything that she had learned over the past few hours.

"So, do you have any questions for me?" I asked after about fifteen minutes of silence.

She twirled a piece of her hair around her fingers as she mentally filtered through the questions she wanted to ask.

"I do have questions, but there is only one I need the answer to now. The others can wait and I assure you, their answers will not change my feelings for you. Why were you so fearful I'd run away from you?" She asked and I could hear the hurt in her voice.

Seriously, this woman was unbelievable. After all I have told her, that's the question she wants answered. I have hit the jackpot with her.

"Well for starters, Jessica. You've already seen how crazy she can be and I'm afraid she'll only keep on. Secondly, I have a lot of baggage in tow. Just because the baby wasn't mine doesn't mean I'm still over the hurt. I'm working on it, but I'm emotionally scared and haven't completely healed yet. Honestly, even though you took the first part of the story so well, I was scared about how you would react to the fact that I could have contracted HIV. I know I didn't contract it and that I'm perfectly fine, but I think most people would be wary of getting involved with someone who has had a possible exposure."

"Good thing I'm not most people. Yes Edward, I lost it when you said you had to get tested for HIV, but that wasn't out of fear for myself, but fear for you. It petrified me to think that may have had to go through that but just so you know, I would stand by you no matter the results of the test. And if you don't recall, I have my own fucked up baggage...mental, physical, and emotional. As far as Jessica goes, well I wasn't kidding about the restraining order or the harassment suit. I have no doubt that she'll keep trying to get to you, but as long as we put up a united front, then I can deal with it, together. None of what you told me makes me think any less of you. The truth is, it makes me respect you more. Not many 19 years olds would have been willing to do what you offered to Jessica. And then after everything she has put you through, you still care enough to ask her to get help. You are a strong and compassionate man and I am so very proud to know you."

I couldn't help the feelings of elation, pride, and happiness that her words brought me. She truly was a spectacular person. I was astonished that instead of running away from me she was actually running to me.

"I don't know how many times you'll hear me say this, but you are amazing." I said as I hugged her to me.

"Thanks Edward, but the feeling is mutual."

"Bella, would you have really stood by me and given us a chance if my test results were positive?" I asked unable to mask the disbelief in my voice.

"Yes Edward I would have. I'm not going to lie and say it would be easy, but not because I'd fear for myself. I hate seeing those I care about suffer, but I know that a person without HIV and a person with HIV can have a very happy, healthy, and long relationship. My mom's best friend from high school, Amy, my godmother actually, is HIV positive and has been for the past eleven years. She was infected through a tainted blood transfusion. She met Jeff, her now husband, after she'd been diagnosed. She lucked up with him, he didn't even hesitate when she told him. They are more in love than just about anyone I've ever seen. They even have a child together. Amy was fearful of passing the virus on, but after many months of research and consultations, they decided to try, of course they opted for Amy to be inseminated with Jeff's swimmers. Aubrey is now a beautiful and hyper active four year old, who is completely healthy. My mom and I serve as dual godmothers to her. I've never been fearful of being around Amy, eating the food she prepares, hugging her, etc. She's just Amy and she is a wonderful person."

I know I say it way too much but I was in total awe of her. She really would have accepted me. I felt my heart swell with love for her.

"You don't know how much that means to me Bella, to know you would have accepted me regardless of the test results. I will never under estimate you again. Of course by now, I should know that I can never predict your reactions." I laughed and she smiled.

"So do you have questions for me?" She asked as she yawned.

"I do, but they mostly pertain to the relationship you had with Katie and Elizabeth. Just hearing you talk about them makes me want to know more about them. I also know it's hard for you to talk about them, so my questions can wait. The questions I have about what happened aren't important right now. You were very thorough when you told me about what happened. Plus, as much as I'd like to keep you here on my bed all night, it is getting late. I should probably walk you back to your room and get Jasper while I'm there."

"Yeah, I am pretty tired. It's been a very long weekend. Thank you Edward for telling me your story and for listening to mine."

"Thank you for listening. I really do feel lighter. Also, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me your story."

"I think we both have a lot to process. I don't want to spend time apart from you, but I think we both need a little space to think clearly."

"I agree. Do you want to make plans to meet on Friday?"

"Yeah, but I have an appointment with Dr. Kym Friday afternoon. We can meet afterwards." She responded.

"I can just pick you up if you want me to. We can grab some supper and then head down to the pier if the weather is nice."

"That sounds good. I like that idea."

We got up and put our shoes on, both of us taking much longer than necessary. I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay. I knew it was going to be a very long week without being able to see her. I wanted to feel her lips on mine one more time before I walked her back to her room.

"Bella...."

"Edward..."

We both spoke at the same time.

"Can I kiss you again?" We continued and then laughed because this frequency thing was really starting to get freaky.

I pulled her towards me and she molded her body to mine while reaching up and tangling her fingers into my hair. My right arm wrapped around her waist while my left hand wrapped around the back of her neck, pulling her face to mine. Our lips met in a passion filled kiss that made my toes curl and a fire to ignite in my lower abdomen. She ran her tongue over my bottom lip before softly biting it. I sucked her top lip into my mouth and she took that moment to thrust her tongue in to meet mine. I don't know how long we stood their kissing but the sound of my phone vibrating brought me back down to earth.

"Edward, where are you and Bella. It's getting late and we are all worried about you guys."

"Hey Alice. I was just getting ready to walk Bella back to the room. We'll be there in a few minutes.

I hung up with Alice and glanced over at Bella who was still panting from our kiss. She seemed to be in deep thought and there was a small smile playing across her lips.

"Bella, are you ready to go?"

She jumped when she heard her name and then immediately started blushing. Hmmm wonder what brought that on.

"Yeah, I guess it's time to face the music." She laughed, knowing Alice wouldn't stop until we gave her some sort of information.

I held her hand tightly as we made our way to her dorm. Nothing was said but the feelings that we were both feeling seemed to be flowing through our connected hands. The closer we got to the dorm, the more distracted she seemed to become.

"Hey, none of that. I meant what I said. This doesn't change a thing. Let's just get through this self imposed 'processing period' and pick up where we left off." I said while nudging her shoulder with mine.

"I know Edward. I'm just going to miss you this week. And same here, nothing changes."

"Thank you again for listening and accepting me and my past." I smiled at her.

"Back at cha Cullen." She grinned as she kissed my cheek.

**BPOV**

I was dreading walking into the suite. I just knew they would all be there waiting for us. I just hoped they showed some sort of tact and didn't immediately start questioning us. I wasn't ready for that. I may have accepted the things that have happened to Edward but that doesn't mean that I don't need time to process them. Just as I suspected, they were all there. Six sets of eyes landed on me and Edward as we walked in the common room. I could see the questions the questions burning in their eyes and figured I'd save them the internal struggle of whether to keep their mouth's shut or give voice to their questions. I was doing a very good job of keeping my bruised cheek out of their line of sight, especially Jake's.

"Hey guys. Sorry that I disappeared on you today. I assume Alice filled you all in?"

She nodded her head.

"We thought Eddie boy here may have kidnapped you and hid you away considering how long you two have been out of touch." Emmett said as he laughed.

"Hey, I called Alice. She knew where we were. Besides, if I kidnapped her, I surely wouldn't have brought her back so soon." Edward defended himself while chuckling along with Emmett.

"Things worked out then?" Jake asked hesitantly.

"Yes Jake. Things are going to be fine." I said and I turned to face him and that's when I heard six gasps. Well that didn't go as planned.

"What the fuck happened to your face Bella?" Jake screamed as he rushed to my side. I caught him glaring at Edward and that immediately pissed me off. I knew he knew better than to think Edward had hit me. I was pretty sure he was blaming Edward for allowing someone to get their hands on me, and I wasn't having that.

"Don't you even think that Jacob Black." I whispered so only he would hear.

"This came from psycho bitch Jessica." I announced to the whole room.

"Sorry Bells." He whispered as he hugged me.

"Well talk about this later Jacob Black." He shuddered, knowing I was pissed.

I glanced at Alice and she was visibly shaking with rage.

"Alice...are you okay?" She didn't answer me but started mumbling.

"_That stupid ass bitch. She better hope I don't catch her sorry ass alone. The nerve of her. Not enough to hurt my brother but now she's physically assaulting my friends too."_

"Alice sweetie, calm down." Edward said as he stepped in front of her.

"Calm down Edward!!! How do you expect me to calm down. Have you seen Bella's face? When will she leave us the hell alone? Has she not done enough damage?"

"Well I for one hope Bella fucked her up." Emmett said and the scary thing...he was serious. Rose was shaking her head in agreement. Angela just looked pissed, which was a new look for her. Her sweet disposition was gone. She was now the fierce friends we all knew lurked just underneath the surface.

"Listen, everybody shut up and just listen. I did not lay a hand on her. I was a nanosecond away from punching her square between the eyes but I refused to bring more drama into Edward's life for one, and two I would not stoop to her level. Besides, I would have hurt her a lot more than she hurt me. My dad is a cop first and foremost and he has been teaching me self defense for years, just ask Jake. He's always been my human punching bag."

Everyone looked at Jake and he just laughed and shook his head in agreement.

"She has a hell of a right hook for such a tiny thing. And just so you all know, watch those feet and legs of hers. She's put me on my ass more times than I can count." He continued laughing at everyone's stunned expressions.

"Instead of physically fighting back, I just decided I'd call my dad and start a file on her. By that point in the 'conversation' I had already threatened her with a restraining order and a harassment suit, so this just steeled my resolve to do exactly that if she ever comes anywhere near me or Edward again."

"Dang girl, you don't play around." Rose said sounding awed.

"You think the Chief is going to let this go without at least documenting it? He'd probably kick my ass himself if I didn't tell him about it." I laughed.

Alice, who was still vibrating in anger and not speaking, ran out of the room and was back within seconds. I noticed the camera in her hand and before I could even ask what she was doing, she pulled me away from Edward and started snapping pictures of my face.

"Alice, what are you doing?"

"Your dad will need pictures to go in that file. You aren't getting out of this. Matter of fact, I think you need to call your dad tonight."

"Alice, I promise I'll call, but it's late and I don't want to wake him."

"Try the station, if he isn't working fine, you can call him tomorrow."

She was beyond pissed and no one seemed to be able to calm her down. I knew Edward was beyond worried when he bent down and pleaded with me to just call the station.

"Okay Alice, I'll call the station tonight. If he isn't there, I'll call him first thing in the morning. I promise. Just please calm down. I'm really okay. I just don't like seeing you this enraged. For such a tiny person, you sure know how to scare the hell out of someone." I chuckled as I pulled her into a hug.

I expected her to push me away, yell at me, become more angry, laugh...I didn't expect her to break down. Everyone looked on with worry in their eyes. Edward pulled her from my embrace and took her to our room to talk to her. Seems the emotions of everything just came crashing down on her. I pulled out my cell phone, stepped into the bathroom for privacy, and dialed the station in Forks.

"Forks PD, this is Chris."

"Hey Chris. It's Bella. Is the Chief working tonight?"

"Hey Bella. Yeah, the Chief is in tonight. Let me transfer you to his desk."

"Chief Swan."

"Hey dad."

"Bella, is everything okay? Why are you calling me at work?"

"Sorry dad. Everything is fine. I didn't want to call your cell and chance waking you up if you were asleep. Decided to call the station to see if you were working first."

"Yeah baby I'm working. Short handed tonight. Not that I mind, but why are you calling me at the station."

"Okay, don't freak out. I'm fine I promise but I'm going to be emailing you some pictures and I want you to start a file for me."

"Uh huh. And what are the pictures of and who is the file on?" He asked in a voice somewhere between professional cop and worried dad.

"Pictures are of my face. File will be on Jessica Stanley. She's an ex girlfriend of Edward's. Not my business to tell, but let's just say she has caused enough trouble for Edward. Anyway, she won't leave him alone, no matter how many times he tells her to."

"Yeah, I know the name. Esme and Carlisle told me a little bit about it. Don't worry, I won't say a word. Now tell me, why are you sending me pictures of your face?" He asked, becoming more suspicious.

"Edward and I were at the pier today talking and she interrupted us. He was actually in the middle of telling me about what happened between the two of them. Let's just say it pissed me off and my loyal protective side came out. She and I had words and then she slapped me, hard. Left a right nice hand shaped bruise on my face."

There was dead silence on the line. I counted to twenty, just like I suspected Charlie was doing.

"Dad, are you there?"

"Isabella...you have ten minutes to email me those pictures. I'll get a written statement from you tomorrow. Did you hit her back?" He was either really pissed, worried, or both. That was the only time he ever used my full name.

"No, but not for lack of wanting to. God dad, I wanted to, but I didn't want to cause more trouble for Edward, stoop to her level, or give her any reason to retaliate. Plus, I would have punched her. She would have been hurt worse than me."

"That's my girl. I knew I was right in teaching you self defense and more importantly, when to use it. I know you know that I'm not technically in any position to do anything since you are in Seattle and I'm in Forks, but I went through the academy with the Chief there. I'll make a phone call to him once I have the pictures and the statement. I'm sure he'll be okay with me being the go between if it comes to that."

"Thanks dad. I'll get the pictures sent to you tonight. And really, I'm okay."

"I know baby. You're strong but you can't stop your old dad from worrying about. Get some sleep kiddo and call me tomorrow. Oh, and remind Jake he isn't allowed to hit girls." I laughed.

"Well I think we should be more concerned about Alice going after her than anyone. She is scary when she's pissed. I feel sorry for Jessica if and when she runs into Alice." This caused my dad to laugh.

"You've got some great friends there sweetie. Tell Alice not to do anything stupid. I'd hate to see her in trouble. Okay, send me those pictures and get some sleep. Love you Bells."

"Love you too, daddy."

I walked out of the bathroom and to my room, knocking on the door just in case Alice and Edward were still in there. Edward opened the door and waved me in. Alice was curled up on the bed. I curled up beside her.

"Hey sweetie. I called my dad and he wants those pictures ASAP. He's going to start a file on Jessica although he can't technically do anything since we are outside of his jurisdiction. However, he does know the Chief here and he is going to call and informally fill him in. Oh, and he wanted me to tell you to stay out of trouble. Really, everything is okay Alice. Not that I'm making excuses for her, but the things I said to her, weren't very nice. I knew I was winding her up but I couldn't stop myself. Her attitude towards Edward, me, and what she put Edward through just caused me to snap."

"Yeah Alice, you should have seen her. She's just as fiercely protective over me as you are." Edward beamed.

Alice pulled me into a hug and just kept saying thank you over and over. She finally pulled herself away and got her camera. She downloaded the pictures and sent them to my dad...along with a page long description of the incident that happened today. I talked and she typed. A few minutes later she got a reply from my dad. He thanked Alice for taking the pictures as well providing a written statement. The last line was reserved for me.

_Next time, don't hold back._

Yep, the Chief has left the building. Overprotective dad is in full control.

Alice was much better after her talk with Edward and we all made our way back to the common room. After assuring everyone that all was well, and remind Jake that he couldn't hit girls, he and Em left to go back to their room. Angela and Rose gave me and Alice hugs before telling us we had a girls night tomorrow night. Yeah, they just wanted all the details.

Edward and I gave Alice and Jasper a few minutes alone and went back to my room.

"So, I really won't get to see you until Friday?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. I honestly think we just need some time to process. I know we'll both probably have questions after thinking about things. But please remember, I want this...whatever this is between us. I just want to make sure that we do this right considering all the baggage that we both bring into a relationship." I pleaded with him to understand.

"You don't need to convince me. I understand, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So it this a no contact at all thing or just a no contact in person thing?"

I hadn't really thought about it, but I just knew I couldn't go without having some sort of contact.

"We can text, email, and call. Does that work?"

"Yeah, I can live with that. And Bella, just so you know. I really want this too." He said as he crushed his lips against mine for one more kiss.

We only broke apart after hearing Alice squeal and Jasper clear his throat. And for once, I didn't blush.

"Night Bella. I'll see you on Friday."

"See you then Edward."

I gave him one more hug and then watch as he and Jasper made their way out of our room.

As soon as the door shut, Alice launched herself onto my bed.

"So...."

"Alice, it's really late and I have had an extremely long weekend."

"Oh come on Bella, you can't leave it at that. How 'bout this. Just tell me something and I'll leave you alone for tonight, but we will talk about this tomorrow night." She compromised while giving me a pointed look.

"Okay okay. We both purged our souls to one another today. I told him everything and in turn in told me everything and I mean everything. We both admitted that we want more than friendship but we are taking things slow. I suggested that we take until Friday to process everything. We aren't going to see each other until then. Again, we both stated that our feelings for one another wouldn't change and I don't doubt Edward or myself, but I want to make sure that we are going into this with eyes wide open. So we are taking this time to process what the other went through and to also ask any questions that need to be answered."

"That's smart Bella. But I don't think you'll make it until Friday." She laughed while giving me a hug before continuing and I knew better than to bet against her.

"So, I can safely assume that by the end of the week you two will stop playing this game and actually be together?"

"Well that's what I'm hoping for." I grinned.

She kissed me on the head and we both got ready for bed. I crawled into bed wanting nothing more than for sleep to overtake me. It had been a very long emotional roller coaster of a weekend. Unfortunately, I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. Thoughts of the past two days kept rolling through my head. It had been an incredible weekend and even the whole misunderstanding between Edward and I and the run in with Jessica couldn't overshadow how much fun I actually had celebrating my birthday with my friends and family. I wasn't certain how I would make it through the next few days without seeing Edward. I wasn't certain how the transition from friends to more would go. I wasn't certain that Jessica would actually leave Edward alone. But I was certain that come Friday he would be mine and mine alone. That thought was enough to lull me into a dreamless sleep. _Mine_.

**A/N: So there you have it. I hope that answers all your questions. If not, let me know and I'll fill in any blanks. I promise the next few chapters will be drama free and will focus on Bella, Edward and the gang. **

**Thanks to all of you who added my story to your Alerts/Favorites list. And a big thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I love getting your reviews, they make my day. Now time for some rec's.**

**Underexposed - daisy3853 (this is a Bella/Jasper fic and it is wonderful)**

**Falling for the First Time - SnowWhiteHeart (Edward/Bella fic that is unbelievably hilarious...let's just say this will give Geeks, Nerds, and Drama geeks some hope)**

**This is Not My Life - isakassees (Edward/Bella and it is intense)**


	32. Chapter 32: Brighter Tomorrow

**A/N: *sheepishly peeks around computer screen and falls to knees begging for forgiveness.* I'm so sorry!!! I promise to never go that long between updates again. I hope I haven't lost readers because of my major fail.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. A special thanks to revans12 who rec'd me on her profile!!!**

**Also, I apologize if this chapter is choppy and has lots of mistakes. I spent an hour this morning editing. But when I saved it, my document disappeared, so I did my best to remember what I changed. **

**Chapter 32: Brighter Tomorrow**

**BPOV**

_Beep..Beep...Beep_

What is that god forsake noise?

_Beep...Beep...Beep_

Please, for all that is holy, shut it up.

_Beep...Beep...Beep_

Wait...it's all coming back. Damn alarm clock. Great...it's Monday.

As a typical rule, I hate Monday mornings. They signify the end of the weekend and the beginning of a new week. That means suffering through five days until the weekend rolls around once again. Since school has started, I've had motivation to get me through each day; classes, practice, lessons with Dr. Smithwick, sessions with Dr. Kym, fun nights with my friends, but all of those motivations pale in comparison to the one I have come to look forward to the most...Edward. I hoped out of bed and started getting my things ready for the day when it hit me. I won't be seeing Edward until Friday. The thought stopped me dead in my tracks. This day officially sucks ass big time. _Maybe I could just sleep the week away._

Well at least I can look forward to playing my new fabulous I can't believe I own it awesome clarinet. I almost forgot about it with the all the events of the past few days. I still can't believe everything that transpired over the weekend. I haven't even begun to start trying to process all the information that Edward gave me. I knew I didn't need to think about that now though; I'd never make it through the day. Shower, class, practice, and then I'd think.

I was getting out of the shower when I looked in the mirror...and groaned. I didn't pay much attention to my face before getting into bed last night. I was definitely going to have to wake Alice up for some help. There was no way in hell that I was leaving this room with a hand shaped bruise on my face. Even with all her skills, I don't know if she'll be able to cover it up. I pulled on some panties and a bra, wrapped my hair up in my towel, and pulled on my robe. I really didn't want to disturb Alice; I knew she'd had a long weekend too. Not only did she handle all the birthday events but she was also pretty stressed about what happened between me and Edward. And extremely pissed off about what happened with Jessica. But I knew she wouldn't want me to walk around getting stared at all day.

"Alice." I said as I curled up beside her on her bed. "Alice, sweetie. Wake up."

She rolled over slightly and then sighed "Jasper..."

I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips.

"No honey. It isn't Jasper, it's Bella."

I saw her eye lids start to flutter and she yawned.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" She asked in a very rough sleep filled voice.

"Yes, everything is fine, but I need your help. I'm so sorry I woke you up but I don't know who else to ask."

She was waking up now. She set up in her bed, stretched, and smiled at me.

"You need me to cover up that nasty ass bruise that the psycho bitch left on your face."

"It's amazing how perceptive and all knowing you are fresh out of sleep. I have to say, I'm quite jealous."

She laughed and got out of bed, walked to the bathroom and brushed her teeth.

"Okay, let's get to work. I don't know if I'll be able to cover it completely and still leave your face looking somewhat natural, but I'll do my best."

Alice spent the next fifteen minutes covering the hideous bruise on my face. By the time she was finished you could hardly see it. Matter of fact, if you weren't looking for it...you would never know it was there.

"Thanks Alice. You are a life saver. I don't know what I'd do without you. Wanna throw on some sweats and go get some breakfast with me?" I asked her teasingly, knowing she would NEVER wear a pair of sweats in public, she hardly wore them in the privacy of our own room. Imagine my surprise when she actually pulled a pair out of her closet with a matching top and zip up jacket and put them on. She glanced at me and saw the look of utter shock on my face before smirking at m.

"What? I own casual clothes; I just don't wear them often. But you have something I want, and for that, I'll wear sweats...yes even in public."

I knew I was in trouble. Whatever it was that Alice wanted, she wanted it bad.

"What exactly do I have that you want?" I asked warily.

"Information of course." She stated as she grabbed her bag and my hand and drug us both out of the door. It was going to be a long breakfast.

At least she waited until we had our food and found a seat before the interrogation started.

"So, what happened yesterday? I know we only have time for the cliff's notes version and I'm okay with that for now, but you we are having a long talk tonight after your drum lesson with Felix."

I gave her the quick rundown of everything that happened yesterday; starting with Edward finding me in the music building and concluding with our goodbye last night. When I was finished she just grinned at me.

"Oh yeah, you are definitely not going to make it until Friday. I can tell just by the look in your eyes. You have finally decided to succumb to the charms of my brother and I couldn't be happier. But if it makes you feel any better, he won't make it until Friday either. You have just as much power of him as he does over you. Although I'm not sure who is going to crack first. But someone will crack before Friday." She said as she gave me her typical Alice know it all smirk.

I had to admit that I was already having doubts about my will power as it was, but I knew I had things to think about, and being in a relationship wasn't even close to the top of that list.

"Alice, I'm scared." I confessed.

"Of what?"

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, not exactly sure how to voice my concerns. I knew my admission of what I was actually scared of would take her by surprise.

"For once it isn't the relationship part. I've finally learned that I need to live life and take risks. As surprising as it is to me, I'm really ready and looking forward to having someone in my life filling that capacity; Edward specifically. But I'm scared of the physical aspects of a relationship. I have no experience other than limited kissing, well experience that I was a willing participant in at least. I'm so scared that if and when we reach that point in our relationship, I'm going to freak the hell out. And I don't want Edward to realize that I'm more broken than he can handle. James fucked me up and Alice I have to be honest with you, I don't really remember everything that James did to me. I am comforted in the knowledge that he didn't rape me. They did a rape kit on me at the hospital and confirmed that my virginity was still in tact. But I have since learned that more time passed between when he took me from the church and put me in the car than I originally believed. I honestly think I blocked out the worst of it."

"I'm so sorry Bella. I wish you didn't have to live through that, but I can assure you that Edward won't run from you if something like that happens. Just be open and honest with him and keep the lines of communication open. Don't ever be afraid to voice your concerns to him."

"I know Alice, but god, when I'm around him; all coherent thoughts go out the window. I get so caught up in the moment with him. I want to get caught up in the moment with him, and we haven't even determined the state of whatever is going on between us yet. I know he is your brother but you are also my best friend so if talking about this makes you uncomfortable, please tell me."

"Nonsense. I can compartmentalize. Plus after going through the Jessica situation with Edward, I can handle anything. So spill, we don't have much time left before you have to leave for class."

"Well you asked for it. He makes me feel things I've never felt before and truly never thought I'd ever feel. I'm just worried that I'll get so carried away that I won't notice the panic and anxiety creep up on me in time to stop things. I know Edward well enough to know that if I do freak out over something that is happening between us, he will blame himself for it. I talked to Dr. Leslie about this a few times before I left Phoenix and she told me that I may never remember exactly what happened with James but it's possible that certain actions or situations may trigger flashbacks and I'm afraid of that, of what my reactions will be if that happens. I haven't brought it up with Dr. Kym yet though."

Alice finished her french toast while she thought, before speaking.

"Well I do have a few suggestions. First, talk to Edward. Second, talk to Dr. Kym, and third, just take things slow. Whenever you two start moving past kissing just be cautious. This is why it is so important that you talk to Edward about your fears. If he know exactly what you're afraid of, then he can also look for signs that you are uncomfortable and help you work through potential issues."

I don't know how she does it, but Alice has an uncanny ability to make me feel so much better about things.

"Thanks Alice. I promise we'll talk tonight. Want to order pizza for supper? I can pick up some Ben & Jerry's on the way home."

"Sounds great to me...now off to class you go. I need to get ready for the day. You know, sweats are actually really comfortable. I may have to go casual more often."

"Who would have ever thought Alice Cullen would take some fashion advice from Bella Swan???"

"I know right...maybe we need to stock up water and bread, we may be in store for a blizzard tonight." She laughed as we walked out of the cafeteria.

I was walking into my first class of the day when my phone buzzed alerting me that I had a text message. Class didn't start for another five minutes so I pulled out my phone.

_Just wanted to say good morning and to let you know that I'm thinking of you._

_~Edward_

It's amazing that something so simple as a text message made me feel so wonderful.

_Thinking of you too. I hope you have a good day. Miss you already._

_~Bella_

He texted me back not thirty seconds later.

_I miss you too, more than I thought possible. I don't know if I'll make it until Friday._

_~Edward_

I nearly swooned right out of my seat. I was so close to saying 'fuck it' and running off to find him it wasn't even funny. Luckily, or rather unluckily for me, the professor walked in at that exact moment, making my planned escape impossible. It also meant I wasn't able to text Edward back. Sometimes I curse myself for always sitting in the front row.

Those five minutes seemed to fly by in a matter of seconds, but the class itself felt like it went on for hours...even though it was only a one hour class. I had my phone out of my bag and my fingers were flying across the keypad before the professor even finished dismissing us.

_You are already making it difficult to hold on to my resolve. Not nice Cullen._

_~Bella_

_Swan, I humbly apologize and beg for your forgiveness. Although I must admit I'm not sorry for saying it. It's nothing but the truth and my mom raised me not to lie. I am however sorry for testing your resolve._

_~Edward_

_You're not going to make this week easy are you? That's okay; two can play this game Cullen._

_~Bella_

_Game on Swan._

_~Edward_

I walked into my next class with the goofiest grin known to man slapped on my face and giggling to myself. Once again, this class seemed to take three times as long as usual. But I was looking forward to seeing Dr. Smithwick afterwards. I had a two hour break in between my classes and knew she had office hours during that time. As soon as class was over I pulled out my phone to text Edward. I don't know where the boldness came from but it overtook my fingers and I was actually quite shocked at the next text I sent Edward. I don't even think I fully realized what I typed until after I hit the send button. Just reading it made me blush.

_I miss your eyes, your voice, your hands, your smile, but mostly I miss your lips._

_~Bella_

Faster than I would think possible, I had a response.

_God woman, are you trying to kill me? Now who is testing whose resolve here? If I didn't have a presentation in 20, I would be hunting you down._

_~Edward_

Good grief. How was I going to hold out until Friday? I knew I needed to reign myself in. I would never be able to concentrate and do what I needed to do this week if I let my mind run free. There was a reason behind not seeing Edward until Friday. I needed to take some time to myself and really think through things. I knew I wanted to be with Edward, that's not what I needed to think about. I just wanted to take time to really process everything that happened over the weekend. And if I was being completely honest with myself, I just wanted to make sure that I was okay with everything I was feeling. Yes I had decided it was time to start taking risks, but I had a feeling that Edward was going to be a very important part of my life and I just wanted to make sure that I was prepared for that. Handing your heart over to someone is a scary thing. Rambling, yes I was rambling, but everything makes sense in my head even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that I had already made it to Dr. Smithwick's office. Her door was ajar so I knocked to alert her to my presence.

"Come in." I heard her say.

"Hey Bella. How was your weekend?"

"It was really good, just long. I had a wonderful birthday. My friends and family really went all out. My mom and step dad even flew in and spent Friday night and part of Saturday with me."

"That's wonderful. Tell me all about it."

So I did. She wanted to meet the force the is known as Alice, even mentioning the fact that she may need help planning her annual Christmas party. I assured her I would set up a meeting. I knew Alice would jump at the chance to use her creative and planning skills. Dr. Smithwick was excited to see my clarinet and readily agreed to help me pick out a mouth piece to go with it. She gave me a few catalogs to take home with me to look through and made a few recommendations. She reminded me about her dinner invitation for the weekend and once again told me to bring Edward. I had completely forgotten to mention it to him and decided that I'd have to break our no talking rule, just this once, to invite him. I didn't want to do that by text or email. I also needed to ask him about the Yo Yo Ma concert that was coming up. I would call him tonight. Dr. Smithwick and I talked for about thirty minutes before my stomach alerted me that it was time for food.

Before I could even get out of her office, my phone rang. It was Jake and he wanted to meet for lunch. Thankfully I had a little over an hour that I could devote to Jake before I needed to head to my next class of the day.

I knew he wanted to talk to me about what happened yesterday; he was vibrating with nervous anticipation last night when he said good night. Jake must have been at the cafeteria when he called me because it took me less than five minutes to walk there and he was already waiting for me outside. He pulled me into a hug as soon as I came within arm's reach and crushed me to his chest.

"I'm fine Jake, I promise." I answered the unspoken question that I knew was barely contained beneath the surface. I also notice him glance at me cheek, checking for the bruise. "Let's go get some food, then you can ask all the questions you can fit into the next hour."

After we got our food and found an empty table Jake asked me what happened between Edward and I yesterday. I told him the cliff's notes version of the story without elaborating on the details of Edward's relationship with Jessica and the subsequent pregnancy and HIV scare. Edward hadn't told me I couldn't say anything to anyone but he never said I could either. If Edward wanted his story known, then he would tell it. Jake understood this. His only concern was that I was okay. I assured him that I was okay, but was taking time to process everything. He even complimented Alice's abilities with makeup. That made me laugh.

I did express my fears about the intimate aspects of a relationship. Jake could tell that something was bothering me and after a bit of prodding I finally caved. I thought it would be strange talking to him about things like that, but in all honestly, it wasn't strange at all. He actually gave me some great advice. He told me basically the same thing Alice did about being open and honest with Edward, but he let me into the male brain a little bit more. He suggested that once Edward and I felt that our relationship was ready to progress that we should be proactive instead of reactive.

"What does that mean Jake?" And he actually blushed, which scared me a little. If it was bad enough to make Jake blush, there's no telling what my reaction would be.

"Well ummm...dang Bells, do I really have to spell it out for you?" He looked at me pleadingly, his eyes hopeful that I would catch on to his meaning so he wouldn't have to say it out loud. But I was lost.

"Seeing as I have no idea what you are talking about...yes. Please spell it out."

Jake stared at me for a minute and when he realized I wasn't joking, he took a deep calming breath before starting.

"Fine. Instead of taking the chance of a panic attack sneaking up on you while you are 'in the moment', I think it would help if you tested the waters before diving in."

"Huh?" I'm not stupid but I am inexperienced and I was totally confused.

"Bella, if and when you and Edward decided that you are ready for your relationship to progress, I think it would help if you explored your boundaries, in a controlled environment. Don't wait until you are caught up in the heat of the moment and then figure out that something you two are doing causes you to panic or have flashbacks. You need to control the pace of things; be the one in control. I don't know how to say this properly so I'm just going to be blunt. When you are ready, you and Edward should play doctor. You know, have him touch you and you touch him. Figure out what you are comfortable with and what makes you uneasy. By knowing your boundaries, you and Edward can avoid situations that could cause an attack. When you find something that makes you uneasy, you and Edward can work together to overcome it. Talk to Dr. Kym about it. It may even help if you have Edward attend some sessions with you."

"That actually sounds really good Jake. It makes a lot of sense. Thanks Jake." I said in awe. Jake really was wise for his years.

"You just better be glad I love you so much and that I like and trust Edward, because otherwise I would be ordering you a chastity belt and throwing the key away and then promptly finding Edward and kicking his ass." He said with a stern look on his face. But I saw the corner of his mouth twitch and knew he was fighting off a smile.

"You really are worse than Charlie." I laughed

"Well I don't know if it's proper therapy or procedure, but as a guy, something like that would help set my mind at ease. If I knew beforehand what the do's and don'ts' were, I wouldn't be on edge during 'intense' moments. I know you blocked out most of what James did to you in that respect and I think if you were to get a flashback while you were in the middle of something, well I just think that could be really bad for you. It seems like if you are in a more controlled setting and you are leading, well even if something does cause a flashback, you would be in charge and I think you would be able to process things better. If something happened while you were fooling around, you know as well as I do that Edward would beat himself up over it. If you are purposefully exploring the boundaries, then he will be more prepared if something did happen."

"Jake, have you ever thought about being a therapist. What you are saying makes complete sense. I can't wait to talk to Dr. Kym about it."

"Well I guess I should send you a bill then, huh?" He laughed.

"I offer up lasagna or tacos as payment." I laughed as he agreed...to both as long as there was also a Hershey bar cake involved.

"Thanks for not making this too awkward for me. I know it can't be easy talking about these things with me."

"I just want you to be happy and move past what happened and if that means talking about sex with you, then I'm okay with that." He said in all seriousness.

I needed to get to class but I knew there were still things I needed to talk to Jake about, mainly Angela. So we made plans for just the two of us to go out to dinner tomorrow night.

My afternoon classes went by quicker than I had anticipated. I didn't come out of the afternoon unscathed though. I had two papers assigned...one for Music Theory and the other was for Comparative Lit. I wasn't worried about the Music Theory paper. It was just a typical run of the mill paper, comparing the composing styles of Mozart and Liszt. I was slightly stressed about the Lit paper though.

It seems that Dr. Masters and I have a silent battle going on. He gave me a 99 on my first paper and left a note in the margin..'_I never give 100 percent on a paper, not even one as well thought out and intriguing as this_', so it is my goal to get him to give me full credit on a paper before the end of the semester. He is actually a pretty awesome professor. He held me back after class the day he gave the papers back that to congratulate me on leaving him speechless. He told me that in all his years as a professor, he had never had anyone take that much effort for the first 'freebie' paper.

We were currently studying female authors of the 1800's, more specifically Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. The paper assignment was to simply compare and contrast the writing styles and the topics they each wrote about, simple. However, I planned to search for something unique that was not easily noticed in their writings. I had my work cut out for me, but I was determined to get that 100.

My last class of the day was dismissed ten minutes early so I decided to stop by the store and pick up snacks for Em; his appetite is never ending. I knew I had a few minutes to spare so I decided to call Edward before my lesson started. I was extremely nervous while dialing his number. I knew hearing his voice would make staying away much more difficult.

The phone rang once...just once, before Edward picked up.

"_Bella, is everything okay?"_ He asked in a frantic voice.

"Hey to you too. Yes everything is fine. I'm sorry to bother you but I needed to ask you something."

"_Thank god. I freaked when I heard your ringtone since we aren't supposed to be talking until Friday."_ He said as he let out a breath of air.

"I didn't even think about that. I'm so sorry I freaked you out."

"_It's fine. I'm glad I get to hear your voice. So what's up?"_

"Well...Dr. Smithwick invited me to join her and her husband for dinner Saturday night and I was hoping you'd go with me."

He didn't say anything for a few seconds and I started to worry.

"_Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, I'd love to go and spend time with you, but she doesn't care for me very much."_

"Actually you are perfectly wrong in that assumption. She likes you very much and thinks you are immensely talented. She's just harder on those that she sees as having potential. I've talked to her about you and me, not many details, just enough that she knows you are important to me. She was the one who actually suggested I invite you."

More silence.

"_Wow. Well if you want me to go, then I'd be more than happy to escort you on Saturday._

"Thanks Edward. That means a lot to me. Oh and one more thing. I was going to surprise you but with your schedule I don't want to take the risk that you are going to be busy. I have two tickets for a concert that is taking place on October 10th here in Seattle. Once again, gifts from Dr. Smithwick. Think you'd be interested in being my date for the evening?"

"_Of course I'd be interested. So who are we going to see?"_

"Yo Yo Ma."

"_Holy shit!!! Oh my god Bella. I've wanted to see him in concert for ages. This is awesome. I thought they were sold out."_

"Guess that's a perk of being the head of the music department. She really is a great person. I hope you get to see that this weekend."

I saw Em walking up the steps and knew my time with Edward was over.

"Edward, I've got to get going. It's time for me and Em to meet with Felix for our drum lesson. I know I broke the rules by calling, but I really wanted to ask you about this weekend through texting. Rules are back on now though."

"_I understand, still don't like it, but I know it's what we agreed to. Text me tonight before you go to bed?"_

"I'll do that. I really miss you Edward."

"I miss you too, Bella. Have fun with Em and Felix."

Em got to me just as I was hanging up my phone. He looked like a kid at Christmas. He was literally bouncing around, channeling Alice. Felix was setting up when we made into the room. He had managed to get another drum set so that he could work with Em and I at the same time. It took some time to figure out the best way to do that, since I was more advanced than Em, but we were soon in a flow that worked for us. After an hour and a half of practicing, Felix dismissed us, but not before telling us how much fun he and Heidi had on Saturday night. He described the look on Em's face when I was dancing on stage and then whipped out his cell phone to show me the picture; I doubled over on the floor laughing. I couldn't stop the tears that flowed down my cheeks. It was hilarious. I wasn't thinking about the makeup covering the bruise and wiped my face. The room went dead silent.

"What the hell happened to you?" Felix asked.

"Shit...look don't freak out. It's nothing really. Edward's ex girlfriend slapped me yesterday."

Felix looked livid. He was balling his fist up and turning red. Before I could calm him down Emmett started talking.

"Bella, this looks so much worse than it did last night."

"I know Em, but I bruise easily and it always gets worse before it gets better. Alice did a great job of covering it up though."

"Why did she hit you?" Felix asked, not letting it go.

So I filled him in on some of the details, just enough to get him to drop it. I could already see that I was going to have to add Felix to the list of overprotective over reactive big brother types...right along with Jake and Em. At least they all like Edward. I'd have to introduce my dad to Felix the next time he was down. It surely couldn't hurt for him to see that I now had not one, not two, but three huge guys looking after me.

I picked up Ben & Jerry's on the way home, just like I promised Alice. Em was meeting Rose for supper so he walked me back to the room with me. Rose was just walking into the common room as we were walking through the suite door. I don't know how she did it, but she made jeans and a t-shirt look sexy as hell.

"Rose, how do you make something as simple as jeans and a t-shirt look so damn good? I think my self esteem just landed on the first floor." I stated as I laughed.

"Oh please...did you even see yourself this weekend? We need to work on your confidence and then you'll understand how something as simple as what I'm wearing makes you look and feel good. I think we need have another girl's night this week. How does Thursday work for you? Alice, we're having a girl's night on Thursday...the works." She shouted as she walked up to me, gave me a hug, kissed my cheek, pinched my ass, smiled at me...well rather smirked, and then walked out the door with a laughing Emmett behind her.

I never even had time to respond. My jaw was still on the floor when Alice walked up to me, pulling me back into our room.

"Really Bella, you can't say stuff like that around Rose and not expect something to come of it, even if you were joking. She knows she is gorgeous, but you should know her well enough by now to know that she hates making others feel bad about their selves. And she really doesn't want you to look down on yourself. She cares about you a lot. She'll do whatever it takes to get you to see yourself like we do. Angela used to be just like you, only worse. Rose helped her get over that. She's still shy but she doesn't have self esteem issues anymore."

"Well why was she so insecure over Jake then?"

"Honestly, anyone interested in either you or Jake would have been intimidated and insecure. You two are closer than just about any two people I've ever met. Edward reacted the same way. But that was before they both knew what happened."

"But I was only joking around with Rose. I hope I didn't upset her."

"You didn't. She just had a bad day today. She was assigned a group project today in one of her classes; it's counting for a huge portion of her grade. Well the other's in her group took one look at her and assumed she was a ditz; assigning her the easiest portion of the project. She didn't say anything at first, she was stewing but after fifteen minutes of listening to 'the imbeciles' as she called them, try to figure out what they were supposed to do, she'd had enough. She pretty much put every one of them in their place and let them know that she was much more than just a pretty face. In the end she flat out called all of them idiots, assigned the roles as she saw fit, told them they better not fuck up her grade, and left."

I was stunned. Rose was brilliant and I couldn't believe that people actually judged her on her looks alone.

"Okay, so enough about that. I have pizza, you have ice cream, I have questions, and I know you have answers."

She wanted to know every detail and every word spoken; _she wasn't demanding at all_...but I recounted everything that I could remember, even the parts she already knew. After telling her the story she started in on her questions. Two hours later, three slices of pizza, and a pint of Chunky Monkey later, she finally relented.

"Well Bella, I'd have to agree. You'd give me a run for my money in the protective over Edward department. I still wish you would have hit her back. I swear, nothing has ever felt more cathartic than the day I slapped her outside of Edward's dorm, but I understand why you didn't. Took a hell of a lot of strength for you to just stand there. But I know you did it for Edward. You really care about him, don't you?"

"More than I ever thought possible. It's hard for me to accept the depth of feelings I feel for him...for someone I barely know."

"You know Edward, probably better than anyone, even me. He has opened up to you and told you things that he hasn't told anyone. You have so much in common, not just your love of and talent for music, but your compassion, strength, loyalty, the way you always want those around you happy. You really are like two parts of the same mold. You haven't even had to work at it."

"Are you crazy Alice...do you not remember the lying to each other, the fight we had, the weekend at your house, yesterday? We've had plenty to work at."

"No, you haven't. Just listen. All of that was brought on by what happened to each of you in your respective pasts. You were both scared of getting hurt...hence the name thing. You were both shocked when you learned the truth, Edward felt I had betrayed him and by association felt that you were involved. He was never mad at you, especially after learning the truth. And yesterday was just a big misunderstanding, once again the product of you both being very insecure and not wanting to seek out the truth for fear of being hurt. So the details may have caused some issues, but never you and Edward. If you take away all the drama and underlying issues...you two are perfect together. The draw between you two is almost unnatural. It's an amazing thing to witness."

I was stunned at her revelation and took a good ten minutes to just think about what she said. While I was thinking, Alice started removing the make up from the bruise, brushed my hair out, and started filing my nails. She had to do something with her energy.

"Wow Alice, you're right."

"Always am. So what is the extent of your feelings?" She smiled.

I knew what I was feeling and it scared the shit out of me, but if I didn't voice it, maybe I could keep the fear at bay just a little longer. I just shook my head.

"Bella, you know I'll get it out of you."

I sighed.

"I really like him. I care for him more than I thought possible at this point in our relationship, or whatever it is that we have. I think he is an incredible person, so strong, compassionate and caring, very loyal and talented. He has the most expressive and gorgeous eyes I've ever seen, his face is just perfect, and I'm pretty sure he can get me to do anything with that smile of his. I'm excited to get to know him better and look forward to just being with him. I can see him being somebody very important to me and my future."

"Do you love him?"

"Alice, we aren't even together yet. How can you love someone so quickly without being crazy? Is that even healthy?"

"I knew the day I met Jasper that I loved him. I don't think it's crazy at all. And who are we to put a time limit on something as pure and simple as love? Do you love me?"

"Of course I do Alice, you're my best friend."

"When did you realize you loved me?"

"The very first night I met you." I answered sheepishly.

"Okay, well what about Jake, Em, Rose, and Angela? Do you love them?"

"Yes. But in a big brother, sister/best friend type of way."

"Doesn't matter the type of love. You've grown to love all of us in a short amount of time and I'm pretty sure it was the same with Jake, so why is it that you believe that you can't love Edward just as quickly?"

"Because he has the power to break my heart, crush my spirit, and destroy me. It's a different type of love, one I'm scared to give because it will give him such power over me."

"If I were to end our friendship, would that break your heart? Crush your spirit? Destroy you?"

"Yes, it would. Just as it would if Jake, Em, Rose, or Angela did it. But it's still a different type of love I feel for you guys. Romantic love has more power to cripple a person compared to that of friendship."

"Love is love sweetie. I know the romantic love is different than platonic love, but it's still love. When you give a piece of your heart to someone in anyway, they have the ability to hurt you, but that's a risk we take every day. Life is too short to worry about timelines. You know this better than most; we've talked about this before. What's the appropriate amount of time it takes someone to fall in love? It was instantaneous for me. Rose hated Em when she first met him, but look at where they are now. Jake and Angela are slowly building their relationship, but I'm pretty sure they feel very strongly for one another. See there isn't a 'right' pattern to love or a 'right' timeline. I believe it depends on the people involved. One second is enough for some while others may take years to develop those types of feelings. I can guarantee you that Edward is feeling the same things you are and fighting them just as hard. I don't expect a response; it's just food for thought."

She stopped talking and got a faraway look in her eyes. After a few minutes it seemed that she had come to a decision about something and determination flashed through her features.

"This has more to do with the fear of loving someone and giving them your heart, doesn't it?"

I knew I couldn't keep things from Alice so I just told her the truth. Besides, she hasn't steered me wrong yet.

"Yes. Sometimes I don't feel like a whole person because of what happened. Like maybe I'm not good enough to be happy...maybe I don't deserve it. How is it fair that I'm happy and living my life when Elizabeth is dead and Katie in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. I know, god I know, that it isn't my fault. But it doesn't change the fact that I still struggle with guilt and feel terrible when things are going so well for me. I guess it sometimes feels like if I'm happy and moving on that it diminishes what Katie went through and also belittles Elizabeth's death. Does that make any sense? As much as I want to, at times I wonder if I'll ever move past what happened and will stop letting it get in the way of my life. And even though it doesn't come close to comparing to the effect James and the aftermath had on my life…Paul screwed me up too. He crushed my self-esteem and made me feel like I wasn't worth the effort."

"Bella...we could spend hours talking about that jerk, but he doesn't deserve for you to waste your time thinking about him." she started sternly. She hesitated a moment before speaking again. "I think it's time I share my story with you. It may help you on more than one level."

"You're story?" I was confused.

"The story of how Esme and Carlisle came to adopt me. It isn't nearly as neat and tidy as Edward's story." She signed sadly.

So for the next hour I listened to the story of how Mary Alice Brandon became Mary Alice Cullen, and she was right; it wasn't neat and tidy at all. It was heart breaking.

**APOV**

I knew it was time I share my own story with Bella. I didn't know why but I just had a feeling that she would benefit from knowing about my life before I was adopted. She was so hung up on the hurt of her past and was scared to move forward, not only with a relationship; but with life. I knew she didn't feel worthy, but I suspected it went even deeper. She felt guilty over what happened to her best friends. And that jackass Paul had damaged her as well. He was her first and only serious boyfriend. He was older so he knew what he was doing and then she finds out he's cheating on her...with several girls. She had admitted that he did cause her pain and make her think less of herself, but I think what he did affected her more than she will admit to and maybe even more than she realizes. Before she can truly move on, she has to put that to rest as well. I just know these things.

She needed to know where I came from and how pathetic and screwed up my life was. She needed to see that it is possible to overcome the adversities that life throws at you.

She needed to come accept that she deserves happiness no matter what has happened in her past.

"I was adopted by Esme and Carlisle when I was five, against the advice of several social service workers."

"Why?" Bella asked in shock.

"In due time sweetie. I don't remember much about my early childhood, well nothing positive. I grew up in filth and poverty. My parents didn't work, they were drug addicts and I was constantly left alone...sometimes for days at a time. I never knew my grandparents, they died before I was born and I never met any of my other family members. From what I was told years later, the family never knew about me and when they found out, they wanted nothing to do with me; afraid that ties to me would require interaction with my parents."

"I was four when the state stepped in and took me from my parents. They had been on a three day binge and left me at home...alone. By day three I decided to venture out of the hell hole we were living in. We were out of food and I was hungry. A nice old lady next door saw me wondering around...skin and bones, and completely filthy. She asked me if I was lost and when I told her I couldn't find my mom and dad, she immediately ushered me into her home. She promptly gave me something to eat and started asking a bunch of questions. When she found out how long I'd been by myself, she called the police."

"Once the police got involved; things got nasty. My parents showed up as a social worker was placing me inside a car. I don't remember much of what was said, just that my parents called me a liar and then proceeded to tell them how delusional I was and how I liked to make up wild stories to get attention. Even at that young age, I was different. I would get strange 'feelings' about things and I was typically always right. It freaked my parents out...of course they were high most of the time and their 'psychic' daughter, as the called me, just caused them to be even more paranoid."

"Luckily, the nice old lady who had taken me in that day, confirmed that my parents would disappear for days at a time. She didn't even know they had a child until I wondered out of the house that day. My mom and dad were both arrested that day for child endangerment, neglect, possession, as well as a few other things that I just can't remember. I was immediately taken to the hospital to be checked out. I was malnourished, dehydrated, and on top of that I was developing pneumonia. I'm not sure how long I was in the hospital before I was allowed to leave. Of course, I couldn't go home. I no longer had a home."

I had to stop at this point. Bella was quietly sobbing and her tears triggered my own. When she noticed I had stopped talking, she walked over and wrapped me up in a hug. It felt good to be comforted. No one other than Esme, Carlisle, and Edward knew this. I think I now knew how Bella felt while telling me her story. It was cathartic. I was feeling a release I didn't know I needed.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that."

"Well there's more. After I was released from the hospital, I was sent to foster care. At first things were really good, well I thought they were good. Of course anything was better than the situation I was previously in. The foster family had two other kids besides me, one older and one younger. The older kid scared me. He was a bully and liked to pick on me and intimidate me. Three months after moving there, he started becoming violent. My foster father worked all the time and was never home. My foster mother just didn't pay very close attention to the three kids in her care. She saw the bruises on me but always believed the son when he said it was an accident or that I fell. She never questioned me about anything."

"I just held on because I just knew a better family was out there waiting for me. It was the only thing that ever got me through those rough days. Six months into my stay, the bully grabbed my arm, twisted it behind my back, and proceeded to push me down the stairs. He ended up breaking my arm when he twisted it behind my back and the fall down the stairs caused a concussion as well as a few broke ribs. He told our foster mom, the social workers, the police, and the doctor that I fell down the stairs. An x-ray proved that I had a spiral break, which is almost always caused by someone intentionally trying to hurt you. I never said anything during the three months of abuse out of fear of losing the only home I had. Even at the hospital that day, I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth. Even if it wasn't a safe home, it was still my home."

"The doctor brought in a child psychologist for me to talk to and she finally got me to open up and I admitted to the abuse and how I really fell down the stairs. I don't know what happened to the foster parents or the son but I do know there was some pretty big fall out. In light of this, it was decided I would be sent to a children's home...just a prettier word for orphanage. I was an outcast from the first moment I walked through the doors. The kids just shied away from me and most of the workers did too. I never understood why. But I later learned that it was because of my ability to 'see' things and just 'know' when stuff was going to happen. They never really gave me a chance, never tried to help me understand what was going on. I don't think my ability to 'know' stuff was anything more than being really perceptive and being able to read people and situations."

"Perceptive and reading people are a few ways of putting it." Bella smiled slightly.

"After a few weeks, the kids really started being mean to me. They finally decided to act like I was there only to torment me. They'd ignore me, pick on me, and play jokes on me. All out of the eye sight of the workers of course. But I always held out the hope that my family would come for me. Not my biological family but my real family; the family that would appreciate me and love me for me. I remember sitting in the play room one day when someone called my name. It was my birth mother. She was out on bail and wanted to come see me. I was immediately angry. I didn't want her back; she wasn't who I was waiting for. But in the end she came to essentially tell me that I'd never see or hear from her again. She had signed all of her parental rights away, as did my father."

"I started slipping into somewhat of a catatonic state. Even though I didn't want to live with my biological parents any longer, it still hurt that they didn't want me. I'd do all the things that were necessary to survive but I wasn't a willing participant in life. And I stopped talking; to everyone. This further ostracized me from the others. I started having dreams about my perfect family; a mother, father, and brother who all loved me dearly. We'd live in a big house and I'd have my own room and my own toys. I would be loved and protected…I would belong. On Saturday's, couples hoping to adopt a child would come to the home. I always had a feeling of who would be adopted and it was never me. I would keep myself out of the way and not speak to anyone."

"The week after my fifth birthday, which wasn't acknowledged, I started having dreams that my real family was coming for me. I could never see their faces but I knew that they were a young couple and had a young son...one close to my age. There was an open house the following Saturday and I spent the Friday night before picking out my nicest clothes to wear and making sure I was nice and clean. Saturday morning I ate a good breakfast, brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, and put on my nicest dress. It was pink with yellow flowers. I marched down to the play room where all the couples were waiting. I didn't see who I was looking for."

"After an hour I started getting discouraged but I just knew they would be here today. After two hours I just wanted to give up and go back to my room but something kept me rooted to my spot. When hour three rolled around, I heard the door to the play room open and I looked up and saw the most beautiful man and woman I had ever seen and standing between them was a little boy and he had the messiest head of hair I'd ever saw and it was the oddest color. I knew instantly that I belonged with them but I waited. I didn't want to be rejected so I decided to let them come to me. The little boy saw me first and the moment his eyes met mine he smiled. It had been so long since someone my age had acknowledged me, let alone smiled at me. I smiled back and that's when the lady saw me."

"She grabbed her husband's hand and the three of them made their way to me. One of the child care workers, Janice, saw their destination and tried to divert their attention. They talked for a while and the little boy kept glancing at me the whole time with a worried expression on his face. The man and woman seemed to be getting irritated with her. I'll never forget those following moments as long as I live.

"_Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, I see you have noticed Mary Alice sitting over there in the corner. I don't mean to sound heartless, but I feel I must warn you about her._

"_Please, it's Esme and Carlisle and why do you need to warn us? Whatever do you mean?" Esme asked in concern. "Is she sick? If so my husband is a fabulous doctor."_

"_No Mrs. Cullen, Esme, Alice is healthy...in the physical sense. It's her mental health that we are concerned about."_

"_Do you care to explain?" Carlisle questioned._

"_Mary Alice is strange. There is something 'off' about her. She tends to keep to herself, avoids contact with anyone. She's been like that from day one. The kids are scared of her and say she is a psychic, that she can see things and just knows stuff. She doesn't speak either. She stopped talking after her mother visited her and no one, not even our psychologist can get her to open up."_

"_What happened at the visit with her mother?" Carlisle asked._

"_Well her mother signed over all her parental rights to Mary Alice to the state. Her father did the same."_

"_And you wonder why that child hasn't spoken to anyone. She is probably terrible traumatized and confused. Her mother and father abandoned her and all you can focus on is that she is strange. Why is she here in the first place?" Esme was shaking with anger._

"_Well we really shouldn't discuss this around the children." Janice answered._

"_Fine. Let's go somewhere more private." Carlisle suggested._

_They turned to walk out of the room when they stopped._

_I saw Esme and Carlisle whispering frantically to one another and didn't notice that the little boy had made his way to me. He walked up to me and held out his hand to me. _

"_Hi, I'm Edward." He said as he offered me his hand._

_When I grabbed his hand, he smiled and led me out of the room. Esme had tears running down her face when she saw how Edward interacted with me._

"_Well there's one child who isn't scared of her." Emse sneered at Janice._

"_She should stay in here with the other children while we discuss this. Your son can stay here too." Janice offered._

"_No, she is coming with us. I have serious concerns about how you have been treating her and it's obvious she feels secure with my son. She can sit with him while we discuss these issues you say that she has." Esme demanded._

I remember holding onto Edward's hand as if he were my lifeline. Before leaving the room, Esme and Carlisle bent down and they each told me that they were going to make things better, and I believed them. Esme and Carlisle, along with the director of the children's home and Janice walked into a little office to look over my file. I'll never forget that day. I couldn't hear all of what was going on, but I sure heard Esme and Carlisle...even with the door closed.

"_Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. You seem to have a very nice and lovely family and we just don't want you to bring a problem child into your home." The director stated._

"_Have you read this file for yourself? If you had then you would know why Mary Alice doesn't act normal. Her parents were drug addicts who left her alone all the time...for days at a time. She was mistreated, malnourished, dehydrated, and sick when she was removed from that environment. She lived in an abusive foster home for months that ended with her being admitted to the hospital. And now she is living here amongst people who haven't given her the time of day. Instead they ignore her and treat her like she is a disease. She doesn't know who to trust. She was mistreated by her parents, she was not watched after and was abused in her foster home, and now she has to put up with the ignorance that permeates this place. The children may be given a pass, because they don't know better, but you adults should know better. If you had taken the time to nurture that precious child and actually care for her and treat her like a normal child, these children around her would follow your example. And as for bringing a problem child into our home. I don't think Mary Alice is a problem child, just one that needs love, attention, and understanding. But even if she were, it wouldn't matter. Every child deserves a warm and loving home." Esme was livid._

"_I don't need to see or hear anything else. And I certainly don't need to think about this any further. We thank you for your concern but I'm ready to fill out the paper work. Don't you agree dear?"_

"_Yes, I do. I'm not leaving here without her."_

_Esme took that moment to check on Edward and me while Carlisle was calling his attorney. She walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. I immediately started crying, tears of happiness._

"_Sweetheart, I know you don't know me and my family, but we would very much like for you to come home with us, to live." She smiled._

_Edward nodded and smiled at me too. Carlisle walked up behind Esme and pulled both me and her into a hug._

"_Yes dear, we would love for you to become a part of our family."_

_I looked up at these wonderful people and felt a love like I'd never felt before. Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed it before speaking._

"_So, do I get you for a sister?" He asked, wide eyed and innocent._

"_You've kept me waiting." I responded as I smiled and hugged them all._

Bella was sitting on my bed, smiling at me. I couldn't help but smile back, just thinking about how lucky I was that the Cullen's found me.

"I'd like to say it was all rainbows and kittens from that moment on, but it wasn't. I did have issues that needed to be dealt with but Esme and Carlisle never gave up. They found a wonderful child psychologist that was able to help me through my abandonment issues as well help me adjust to a normal home setting. It took a while before I learned that I didn't need to hide food to ensure I'd have something to eat every day. I was afraid to make noise and play too loudly in fear of upsetting anyone. But they never gave up on me. Edward was a huge help. He never treated me as anything other than his sister and he always made sure to include me. The issue of me just knowing things never came up but in time they all learned that there was truly something to it, but they embraced it. They all thought the same thing I did, that I was perceptive and just had a knack for reading people."

"It took about a year or so for me to fully integrate into the family. For the first three months, I would wake up not knowing where I was and even started having nightmares of being taken away from the Cullen's. It took almost a year before I truly accepted that no one was going to take me away or that the Cullen's weren't going to send me back."

"Things were going along fine until I turned ten and then for some reason I started having panic attacks brought on by flashbacks. My psychologist had warned us that this could happen; repressed memories surfacing. Luckily with the help of the psychologist and mostly my family, it didn't take long for the panic attacks to go away. Children are very resilient and tend to bounce back from tragedy and misfortune quicker than adults. So as bad as it may sound, I was lucky that if these things were going to happen to me, they happened early in my life. And I was most fortunate that the Cullen's found me and brought me into their family. They have given me a spectacular life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I would go through it all again, if it meant that I could have my family; the Cullen's."

**BPOV**

I was shocked at what Alice had been through. No one, especially a child, should have to endure that type of treatment. She truly is an amazing person. We sat in quiet contemplation for a while before she spoke.

"Do you know why I wanted to tell you my story? I know it really doesn't have anything to do with the discussion we were having on love, but...."

I didn't let her finish. I had been thinking over the things she had told me and knew why it was important for her to relay her story to me.

"No Alice, it has helped me more than you will ever realize. It's a story of survival, of overcoming unbearable things, a story of unconditional love. You could have so easily let what happened to you kill your spirit and destroy your life. You could have rebelled and lashed out at everyone. You could have let the events of your early childhood dictate and destroy your future. But instead, you held on to hope, you moved forward, and you allowed your heart to let in others to love you. You gave your trust when you had no reason to ever give it to anyone. You chose to live your life and let the past go. Even when it tried to interfere, you and your family took steps to deal with it."

Alice was smiling at me and nodding her head.

"I knew you would understand the reason I told you that. I know our situations are completely different but relevant all the same. I just think you can use it as food for thought. Please, don't ever pity me. Just like you, I'm still Alice. I just have a little darker past than you originally thought."

"And look how wonderful you turned out. I could never pity you. I'm angry at all the people who were supposed to protect you and didn't. I'm sad for the little girl that had to live through that. But more than anything, I'm so happy for you Alice. You deserve so much and you didn't let the demons of your past destroy you."

"Just keep this in mind. Things always work out in the end. My biological parents actually tried to contact me at one point. Esme and Carlisle left the decision up to me whether or not I wanted contact with them. It was hard, but I decided that they gave me up and they didn't deserve to know me. The children's home where I was staying ended up getting shut down by the state. Carlisle made a few phone calls and after some investigation, found out the administration was defrauding the government. Not only that, but it was found out that they weren't providing the proper care for the children that were there. Things happen for a reason, of this I am certain. Just hold on to that. And never lose hope." She kissed me on the cheek as she stood up.

She left me to my thoughts as she went to the bathroom. She was right about everything. Her story really did have a major impact on me. Seeing how well she recovered gave me hope that I will truly be able to put James behind me one day. If she can get over being abandoned by her parents, being abused in foster care and being shunned by those that were supposed to care for her, well then I should be able to get over some asshole who took his obsession too far. Granted, I had to deal with the death of someone very close to me, but I knew with the love and support of my family and friends; it was all possible.

She was also right about love. There isn't a timeline for love. It is what it is, no matter the form or type. Did I already love Edward? I've known from the moment I met him that it would be very easy to fall in love with him. But had I already done that? I was brought out of my contemplations by my phone. I had a text message.

_One day down, four to go. I can't wait until Friday. I miss your smile and your laugh. Sweet dreams beautiful._

_~Edward_

Swoon....how long will it take me to walk to his room?

_Four days...seems like a lifetime away. I miss your eyes and quite simply...I miss you. Sleep well handsome._

_~Bella_

I wanted nothing more than for the next few days to pass by quickly. Alice had given me a lot to think about. There were so many things going through my head that I was afraid I'd never fall asleep. I grabbed my iPod and picked out my bedtime playlist. Tomorrow was a new day...one day closer to Friday…one day closer to not only Edward, but a brighter tomorrow.

**A/N: Again, I'm so sorry this took over a month to post. I will do my best to never let that happen again. I worked on this last week on my trip to NY, which my husband got a kick out of. He took me to see Muse at Madison Square Garden and the show was awesome!!! I was determined to get this posted today, as a birthday present to myself. I feel like I've accomplished something now.**

**Please let me know what you think of the chapter. Reviews are better than birthday cake!!!**


	33. Chapter 33: Fly

**A/N: First of all, Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. And welcome to the newcomers who added this story to their Favorites/Alerts list. **

**I have never had a real schedule for posting but I am going to TRY to post a new chapter every 10-14 days. I can't promise to stick to that but I will do my best.**

**Also, don't worry. Even if there are long breaks between postings, I WILL NOT give up on this story. I've spent too much time on it to not reach the ending. We still have a lot to learn about the gang before it's over. **

**Chapter 33: Fly**

**BPOV**

Tuesday morning started off much the same as Monday. Tuesday morning was usually spent with Edward; drinking coffee and talking before I headed off to my lesson with Dr. Smithwick. Today, however, there would be no Edward. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got a head start on the day. Alice was waiting for me when I got out of the shower, and operation cover up bruise commenced. She didn't bring up the night before; other than asking me if I was okay; and I didn't broach the topic either. There was a silent agreement between Alice and I; her story was told to me to help me move past my own fucked up past and now that it was told and the points were taken…it wasn't to be talked about again. My heart still ached for the hurt and pain that Alice had to endure, but she was living proof that anyone can rise from the ashes. And I intended to do just that. And if possible, I loved her even more for trusting me with her story.

After getting dressed and gathering everything I would need for the day, I headed to the coffee shop. Part of me was hoping that Edward would be there waiting for me, while the other part of me knew that I still had things to think about. And then there was a part of me, growing every second that was telling me to 'fuck it' and go get my man because honestly, the details didn't matter. Well that wasn't entirely true. I was troubled by what Edward went through, for what he had to endure. But I was more concerned with my state of being. I needed to figure out how I was going to talk to Edward about my fears of intimacy and then talk to Dr. Kym about how to deal with it. But I still had a few days to decide the best course of action.

Edward wasn't at the coffee shop and I let out a breath of air; not knowing if it was in relief, frustration, or sadness. I ordered a hot chocolate and a coffee along with two pastries and made my way to Dr. Smithwick's office. I was about thirty minutes early for my lesson but figured she wouldn't mind the intrusion, especially if I was the bearing of coffee and sweets. I was right. As my luck would have it, she was running late this morning and hadn't had a chance for coffee or breakfast. She helped me decided on a mouth piece for my clarinet and then we enjoyed our breakfast together. Our conversation was informative. She told me a little about her time playing professionally and it was very intriguing, but I had the feeling that she wasn't telling me her whole story. I decided I'd google her later when I got back to my room. What I did know was that I was very lucky and fortunate that she had taken me under her wings.

My morning lesson was amazing. The clarinet played like a dream and I was in love. Dr. Smithwick was even impressed with it, which is saying something because I know she owns ones that are much better, but when she played it, well I was in awe. She did things with that clarinet that I didn't think were possible. I decided in that moment that I would never take her tutelage for granted and would strive to soak up each and every bit of information and direction she gave me. My lesson actually ran over, neither of us noticing the time until one of the associate professors knocked on her door, successfully breaking up our session. She jotted a quick note for me in case the professor for my first class wanted to cause an issue; which was unlikely, seeing as how I was with the head of the department...his boss essentially.

I made it to class just as the professor started lecturing. He gave me a nasty look but I was in much too good of a mood to let it bother me. Plus, if he really wanted to make an issue of it, I'd just give him the note and let him deal with my mentor...someone I'm sure he didn't want to piss off.

My morning classes passed by much more quickly than I had anticipated and before I knew it, it was lunch time. I texted Jake to let him know what time to pick me up for our dinner date and then headed to the deli that was on campus to grab a quick lunch before my afternoon classes started. After paying for my food, I looked around to find an empty table, but saw none. Dejected, I started to make my way to the door when I heard someone call my name. I turned in the direction that I heard my name being called and saw Jasper pushing out a chair for me and waving me over.

"Thanks Jasper." I said while taking my seat and giving him a smile.

"No problem Bella. I wasn't looking forward to eating by myself today. Alice was supposed to meet me but she got held up after her last class."

"Well I'm glad I can keep you company."

We sat in companionable silence while we ate our lunch. I noticed Jasper seemed to be more fidgety than normal and I became even more concerned when he appeared to try to start a conversation a few times, only to stop and furrow his brow.

"What's wrong Jasper?" I asked, catching him off guard.

He picked up his napkin and started tearing it into little pieces. He wouldn't meet my eyes and somehow I knew he wanted to talk to me about what happened over the weekend.

"It's okay Jazz, just ask me. You won't upset me." I said answering his unspoken concern. He finally looked at me and smiled.

"Sometimes I forget how perceptive you females are. I was just wondering how you are doing after the crazy weekend you had?"

"I'm actually better than I expected. I mean, Friday and Saturday were amazing. I still can't believe you all did so much for me. I truly had an amazing time."

"Well Alice had a blast planning it. Just between us, we really need to plan a night sometime soon to have for all of us to get together. I know Alice would never admit it, but she is dying to talk about our weekend. You know, dissect every little part of it and make sure everyone enjoyed themselves." He smiled goofily as he thought about Alice.

"That sounds really good actually. Maybe we can do it on Sunday. I can cook and everyone can come over. Or we can grab brunch at the diner. I'll talk to Alice. I'm sure she won't mind making the decision."

Jasper laughed in agreement before becoming stoic once again.

"Something else on your mind? And before you ask...whenever you're deep in thought, you get a crease between your eyes and you start trying to murder any paper product you can get your hands on." His behavior was a little unsettling to me because he always seemed so calm and together.

"How are you dealing with what happened on Sunday?" He asked, concern filling his voice.

"I'm good, really. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt when Jessica slapped me, but it's getting better. Thank god Alice knows what she's doing with make up or I wouldn't have left the room until this thing goes away." I said pointing to my cheek. I knew he was asking me about so much more than the bruise on my face but I deliberately misunderstood the direction of his question. I didn't know if I was ready to talk about this with Jasper.

"You know, when you are avoiding something, you let your eyes wonder and you twist the ends of your hair around your finger." He smirked.

Okay so he was a lot more observant than I would have ever given him credit for.

"Edward told me what happened between he and Jessica, I doubt he gave me as much detail as he gave you, but I know enough to know that all this can't be easy for you to muddle through and process. He dropped a big bomb on you and although I don't know your story, I'm sure it isn't easy processing what Edward went through while trying to deal with your own issues. Jeez, I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just want you to know if you need to talk to someone who isn't so close to the situation, I'm here and I'll be more than glad to lend an ear." I could hear the sincerity in his voice and I knew that I had developed yet another wonderful relationship and that I could talk to him.

I could see me and Jasper forming a wonderful friendship. He was the peace and calm that I no doubt would need. Jake provided unquestionable loyalty and love; he was my best friend and my brother. Emmett was the laughter of the group, the protector. Rose was the no nonsense type who made sure to keep everyone grounded, she loved unconditionally and her sarcastic sense of humor was always welcomed. Angela was the mothering type, quiet and stayed in the background until someone she cared about was in need of love and attention. Alice was...well Alice, energetic, loving, generous to a fault, my best friend and sister. She was the life of our group. Edward. Edward was...

"Bella, where did you go?" Jasper asked, bringing me out of yet another internal monologue.

"Sorry 'bout that. Sometimes I can't help but get lost in thoughts of how lucky I've seemed to be since moving here. We really do have a wonderful group of friends, don't we? It seems unfair that I haven't had to work for these friendships; that they seem to have just fallen in my lap. I really appreciate your offer. I have a feeling I may take you up on it sometime. You have a way of making me feel calm and collected when I would otherwise be freaking out."

Jasper started laughing and grinned at me.

"My mom has called me her human Xanax for years for that same reason. I guess it's my gift."

And I had to laugh along with him because that shit was just funny.

"Seriously though, how are you holding up?"

"Good...well great actually, aside from the whole self imposed processing period, which between me and you, and of course Alice; I'm really regretting. I don't know why I felt the need to think things over for so long, I mean, it's not like I'm going to run away from Edward. Of that I am most certain. But I did feel that we both needed some space to think through what we learned about each other." Jasper really did have a way of putting me at ease. I just open my mouth and the words fall out.

"I understand why you did though. I know what Edward went though was horrible, but I have a feeling that what you went through was much worse. Like I said, I don't know your story, but it isn't hard to tell that something life altering happened to you. Both you and Edward have suffered through pain that neither of you should have ever had to shoulder. I think it was a smart decision to take a breather for a few days. I'm sure Sunday was an extremely emotional day for both of you. You don't want to make decisions when you are in that frame of mind. But I do have to ask, are you unsure of Edward?"

I didn't even give the question time to settle.

"Absolutely not. I didn't need these days apart to determine how I feel about him...and us, I just wanted the time to think through his ordeal and have time to ask questions if needed as well as give him the chance to do the same. Nothing he said or will say can change my opinion of him or the way I feel, but I wanted everything on the table up front because like you said, we've both been through a lot and I for one don't want to have to deal with unnecessary drama. Hence, laying it all out in the open for the other so that way there are no surprises lurking around the corner about our respective pasts." And with that statement I felt a pang of guilt creep up on me. I had not told Edward about my concerns of an intimate relationship, the things I blocked out about the attack.

"Completely reasonable. I think that was an extremely smart decision; one I don't think you'll ever regret, even if you are regretting the days apart right now."

"Speaking of days apart, how is Edward?"

"Moping around like a three year old who got their candy taken away." Jasper laughed.

I cringed, feeling guilty.

"Oh no you don't. I've talked to him a bit and he is in total agreement with you. He doesn't like it one bit, but understands the need for a little time apart. But between me, you, and anyone who has ever witnessed you two together...you don't have a damn thing to fear when it comes to Edward. That, I can promise you. Take it to the bank and let's hit Vegas, because sweetheart, he's the real deal. He's gonna be so jealous of me today though...I got to eat lunch with his girl." He said while giving me a shit eating grin.

_His girl_…I couldn't help the way my heart raced when I heard Jasper refer to me as Edward's girl.

"Jasper. Were you serious when you said I could talk to you?"

"As a heart attack darlin'. What can I do for you?"

"Well, there is one topic that I didn't talk to Edward about over the weekend and it's not because I am trying to hide anything from him. I just honestly never thought about it until after the fact. I'm a little nervous to bring it up with him."

"Just be open and honest with him. I'm positive that you two can work through anything. But you are more than welcome to use my ear if it will help."

I don't know why, but I felt no embarrassment or fear in opening up to Jasper. I didn't go into detail but I did tell him that I had been sexually assaulted while living in Phoenix and that I had blocked out a lot of what happened. I then explained my fears of certain situations causing me to have flashbacks and panic attacks. He listened intently as I laid my fears and concerns on the table.

"Bella, I can't say what will and won't happen if and when you find yourself moving into that part of your relationship, but I am certain that Edward would never walk away from you over that. Considering his past, I'm positive that he will want to take things slowly and never push you into something that will make you uncomfortable. Hell he'll probably even be a little gun shy. Just remember to communicate. Don't shut down and remember to always tell him what you are thinking and feeling." Jasper stated as he squeezed my hand.

And just like that, Jasper made angst ridden Bella retreat back into her cave where I hoped she stayed for quite some time.

The rest of the day went by without a hitch. Edward and I swapped a few text messages and of course, just like Jasper predicted, he was jealous when he found out who I had lunch with. He told me three different times that I had to make it up to him and then proceeded to list his favorite foods. Guess that means he wants me to cook for him. Men...subtlety isn't their strong suit. And apparently the old adage 'a way to a man's heart is through his stomach' is truer than I previously thought.

Jake picked me up right on time for supper. But instead of calling me from the parking lot, he picked me up from the suite. He mumbled something about being a gentleman before brushing past me and making a beeline for Angela. Gentleman my ass, he just wanted to suck face with his girlfriend, which I promptly called him out on; making Angela blush. Jake was able to steal one more kiss before she pushed him out the door and telling him he better treat me right. She was certainly a match for my giant of a best friend, and I loved her even more for making him so happy.

We decided on sushi for supper and I navigated us to a place that Rose had recommended. The restaurant wasn't crowded, which I was very thankful for. Jake requested a table in the corner away from the other customers. He knew our conversation was likely to get intense. We quickly decided on the chef's special for two. We both liked sushi and neither one of us were picky. After the waitress took our order and brought back the pot of jasmine tea I ordered, we started our talk.

"So, let's talk Bells."

"Me first, we talked yesterday morning and although I know you are dying to ask more questions, I want to talk about something much more important."

"And what would that be? You know nothing is more important to me than your mental stability." Jake laughed.

"Angela." I smirked as Jake blushed and choked on his tea. Yep, he blushed.

By the time our sushi arrived, I had learned that Jake and Angela were very much a couple. They made it official during all the festivities to celebrate my birthday. I don't think I've ever seen Jake so happy. He couldn't say enough nice things about Angela. I was so happy for my best friend. He deserved happiness and Angela was good for him.

"Jake, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you are twitterpated. You've got goo goo eyes and a goofy grin on your face. All that's missing is little hearts flying around your head."

"You did not just reference Bambi..." he scoffed at me. Then laughed.

"I just call 'em like I see 'em. But in all seriousness, you look really happy. Happier than I've seen you in a very long time."

"I am pretty happy."

"It's more than that though. You seem more...at peace. It seems like the move has really agreed with you."

"I'm not going to lie. Moving here has turned out much better than I ever anticipated. But that isn't the only reason for my peace or happiness. You are Bella. Yes it's been great making new friends and starting college. Meeting Angela was an unexpected bonus. But seeing how far you've come since we moved here, well that trumps it all. I watched you disappear and shut the world out for so long. I was so worried I'd never get you back. Staying in Phoenix was killing you, in more ways than one. It was killing you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I thank God everyday it didn't affect you physically. I have to admit, I was really worried about that for a time. I didn't know if you would let the darkness pull you under. I'm just glad we got you out of there before it was too late. I'm so happy that you've found yourself again Bells. I just can't explain it." It was hard to hear my best friend say these things. It was even harder seeing the unshed tears in his eyes.

"Jake, I've never meant for my life to have such a drastic effect on you. I am so sorry for that. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you in my life."

"Don't start in on that again. You didn't ask for any of that shit to happen to you but it did. I'm just glad I was able to be there for you. I don't regret it for one second. What kind of person would I be if what you went through and the aftermath didn't affect me? More than that, I wouldn't be a very good best friend if I didn't do everything in my power to help you. You've got to stop beating yourself up over that. I thought you were trying to deal with all your guilt in therapy." He gave me a knowing look.

"I'm working on it. These things take time."

"I know and I'm here for you. I just don't ever want to see you in that place again. I'm just glad that I'm getting the old Bella back. I've really missed her. I did what I could to help you after James fucked up your life, but I think our new group of friends has been able to give you something that I wasn't. And I'm okay with that. I know I reminded you of what happened and who we lost. I was too close to the situation to fully be able to help you heal."

"Jake, don't you for even one second think that you didn't help me. I would still be curled up in my bed refusing to live if it weren't for you. You gave me a reason to get out of bed and try. You are the reason we are here now. I don't think I would have ever agreed to move if you hadn't come with me. As much as I feel guilty that I messed up your plans, I can't say that I'm sorry about it, and I know that makes me sound like a horrible person. I may have started coming to certain realizations since we've gotten settled here, but I would have never progressed this far had you not spent all those months working on me."

"Aw, Bells." He stated as he reached to grab my hands. "I know I helped you but I also believe what I said about being too close. I know you believe that too and I'm not at all hurt by that. Moving here allowed you start over with people who knew nothing of you. They accepted you for you, before they knew what you went through and they didn't treat you any differently after you told them. But as much as you've accomplished in the past few months, I do think there are a few things you are avoiding and you'll never fully recover until you confront them."

"Katie and Elizabeth...I know." I signed. He was right. Once again I sat amazed at how wise my best friend had become.

"Have you opened your birthday present from Katie yet?"

"No. The past few days have just been crazy and I haven't had any time alone. I know I'm going to need it. Knowing Katie, it's something sweet and sentimental. But enough of all this, tell me more about you and Angela." I really needed to get off of this topic.

"Well I think she is beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, caring...perfect for me. I know we haven't been together long, but I can actually see myself with her for the long haul."

"Wow Jake, just wow. Are you serious?"

"Yeah...I am." He said as he blushed and smiled.

"Well I'm very happy for you Jake."

"Back at cha. I think Cullen is good for you, even if you haven't completely realized it yet."

"Shut up Jake." I smirked. "Who says I haven't realized it? But in all seriousness, we do have things we have to work out, but I agree that he is good for me. We each have personal hurdles we have to overcome but we seem to work well together, helping each other deal with our issues."

"You are finally coming around. And don't worry about the stuff we talked about yesterday morning. Just be open and honest and things will fall into place."

"How did you become so smart Jake?"

"Oh, the spirits of my tribe are strong within me." He said in a very serious voice...and then promptly burst out in laughter. Some might think we were making fun of the heritage of his tribe, but we weren't. Jake held the beliefs of his tribe in high regard.

"Sounds like you are channeling Billy...speaking of Billy. How is he? I really miss him."

We spent the next hour just talking and catching up. Billy was coming up for Thanksgiving and was already in touch with some businesses about potential jobs. I was so excited that he may be moving closer. He really was like a second father to me. We discussed our classes and how they were going as well as our new friends. For as guilty as I felt a few months back when Jake declared he wanted to come to Washington, I can't regret the choice. It has been positive for both Jake and I.

On the drive back, Jake asked if I had gotten around to calling Katie yet. Guilt immediately gripped me. I knew she had been waiting for me to call. I decided I would open her present tonight...and call her tomorrow. It would be hard, but I didn't need to put it off any longer.

Jake was adamant about walking me to my room but I knew what he was really up to and he couldn't hide the smile when I called him out on just wanting a good night kiss from Angela. Yep he's got it bad and I couldn't be more thrilled by that fact.

It was still fairly early and surprisingly I had no homework to finish. Alice was with Jasper; Rose was at Em's, so Jake decided to hang out with Angela for a little while. He wasn't fooling me though. I knew he wanted to see Angela, but he was also hanging around because he knew I was going to open the present that Katie sent. Jake knew that it would be emotional for me and wanted to make sure that he was there if I needed him.

I decided to get ready for bed before opening the present from Katie. I brushed my teeth, my hair, washed my face, brushed my hair again, plucked a few stray hairs from my brows...brushed my teeth again. Yep, I was procrastinating. I even considered using Alice's manicure kit on myself, but knew the results would be disastrous. I could just imagine impaling myself with that pointy piece of wood...After twenty minutes of deliberate procrastination; I made my way to my room and pulled out my pajamas. Of course it took another ten minutes to decide if I wanted to wear sleep pants or shorts and then there was the choice of long sleeves, short sleeves, or a tank top. Then I had to consider all the combination possibilities. I finally decided on a pair of cotton shorts and one of Jake's shirts that I swiped from him years ago. I always felt a sense of comfort when I wore his way to large clothes and I knew I would need comfort for the upcoming task. _Wonder if Edward's clothes would offer the same comfort? _ I mused.

Since I was already thinking of him, I decided to send Edward a quick text before proceeding. We had sent a few back and forth throughout the day but it had been a busy day for both of us. After wishing me sweet dreams, I knew I couldn't put this off any longer. I pulled the wrapped box out of my closet and sat on my bed. The box was wrapped in shiny purple paper and was tied with a silver ribbon that twisted and curled in all directions. There was a card trapped beneath the ribbon. I immediately recognized Katie's handwriting and was surprised at how emotional just seeing that made me.

I hesitated before opening the card, scared that I would be too much of a mess after reading it to continue. Katie always poured out her heart on paper and I didn't have any reason to suspect this would be different...but I was wrong. It was a funny birthday card that was simply signed _love Katie Bug_. We all had nicknames for each other growing up. I was Bella Bean, she was Katie Bug, Elizabeth was Dizzy Lizzy, and Jake was Jakie Poo. I laughed remembering all the strange looks we'd get when we used those names in public.

I sat the card on my bedside table and started untying the ribbon that was wrapped around the box. I gently unwrapped the present, careful not to tear the paper, before I was faced with the white top of a box that I knew I had to open. I slowly pulled the top off the box, revealing what appeared to be a picture album.

There was a picture window on the front cover and in it was a picture of Katie, Elizabeth, Jake, and me...but not just any picture. Staring back at me were the eyes of children, best friends. I remembered the day the picture was taken like yesterday. It was taken right before one of our spring recitals. Katie, Elizabeth, and I were all dressed up in our pretty white dressed while Jake was actually wearing a tie. We were ten and Jake was nine. Billy came to as many of my recitals as he could and he always brought Jake and made him dress up. Most nine year old boys shy away from girls...but not Jake. Even at that age, he loved being surrounded by his girls. And the smile on his face, as well as ours, proved it. We girls were each holding a bouquet of flowers. Billy couldn't contain his laughter when he explained that Jake wouldn't step foot inside the auditorium until he had flowers for 'his girls' and being the best father he could be, Billy obliged. This was the first time Jake brought flowers for us; the first time of many.

I opened the album and gasped when I realized this wasn't just a picture album but a scrapbook. Katie had taken the time to document our friendship through the years. The book was amazing. She included not only pictures, but movie tickets, concert stubs, recital programs, baseball tickets, graduation invitations, prom memorabilia from junior prom that we all went too, as well as from our senior year (that I never attended). Katie actually went to the prom with Jake his senior year. Everything in the book held a special meaning. She included lyrics from our favorite songs and even included some of my favorite poems. I needed Jake, but not because I was upset. I wanted to share this with him. I called for him and he was in my room within moments. We sat on my bed for over an hour just looking through the book.

There were pictures of the four of us together, individually, and all kinds of pairings of the four. They ranged back to the time we were young children, just after I met Katie and Elizabeth. Jake started showing up in pictures with us shortly after. There were pictures of the many holidays we spent together, the vacations we took, and recitals we played. There were professional pictures that we had taken at the dances we attended (always as a foursome) included too. It was a wonderful trip down memory lane and we laughed and cried together. As I got to the last two pages of the book though sadness took over.

The next to last page was a picture of Elizabeth and the poem that we wrote for her after she died was also included.

_Gone but not forgotten_

_Forever walking with us each day_

_Through our memories you live on_

_Through our hearts yours still beats and loves_

_Through our fingers you still play_

_Through our eyes you still see_

_Through our mouths you still sing_

_Through our feet you still discover_

_Your time was much too short_

_Your life wasn't long enough_

_But through the love and happiness you shared with others_

_You still live on_

_You live through us_

_Gone but not forgotten_

_Forever in our hearts_

Both Jake and I were a mess by this point. He held me until I was able to calm myself down. I was emotionally drained but knew I had one more page to look at. I held my breath as I looked at the last page...and immediately laughed. Katie knew what she was doing when she put this book together. In the middle of the last page a picture of me, Jake, and Katie that was taken the day Jake and I left for Washington. I was sitting in Katie's lap and Jake was tipping Katie's wheelchair back, causing us to shriek in surprise. Surrounding that picture we several of the 'Jake pileup' pictures that we had accumulated over the years. The three of us girls always loved to pile on top of Jake when he least expected it. Under the picture montage, Katie had written two simple words but the power they held over me was immense. _Keep Smiling_. That had always been Elizabeth's mantra. I smiled through the tears that were a mixture of happiness and sadness. Jake pulled me onto his lap and gave me a big hug. I knew he was feeling emotionally drained too.

I didn't notice it until Jake pointed it out, but taped to the inside back cover of the book was another envelop with my name on it. It was a letter from Katie. I had a feeling this was something I was meant to read alone. I gave Jake another hug and told him to go back to Angela. It was getting late and I knew he had an early class in the morning. He made me promise to call him if I needed him. With a kiss to the forehead, he left my room. I took a few deep breaths and then ripped the envelop open, took the letter out, and unfolded the pages.

_Dear Bella,_

_I decided to save this for last. I wanted you to enjoy all the hard work and many hours I spent putting this fantastic and fabulous present together for you. It was a labor of love, but only for you Bella Bean. I never realized how much of a pack rat I was until I started going through my box of 'memories' but I always told you guys it would come in handy one day. I actually had enough stuff to make one of these for myself, and I'm actually working on one for Jake for Christmas. Shhh don't tell him. By the way, I expect you to let me know what he thought of yours. _

_I visited Elizabeth a few days ago. I try to go see her a few times a month. Mom takes me and I usually visit for thirty minutes or so at a time. It's a little difficult getting to her in my chair, but I always feel such peace afterwards. I plan to go see her on your birthday too. Since I can't be there with you, I'm going to take orchids to her grave. She would be so proud of how far you've come Bella. I know we don't talk much and I understand why, but just so you know, I do keep up with you. Jake really is worse than a woman when it comes to gossiping. I talk to your mom periodically too and Billy. He misses you and Jake terribly. He told me he is trying to move back to La Push so he can be closer to you guys. I'll miss him, and I told him as much, but I understand his desire to want to be closer to family._

_I miss you Bells. You made the right decision in moving to Washington and I know you are very reluctant to come back to Phoenix but don't let the miles between us affect what we've had for fifteen years. You CANNOT let what happened dictate your life. I know you blame yourself for my set of wheels and for Elizabeth's death, but it wasn't your fault and I know you know it. You try to take the blame for things that you have no control over, you always have, it's just who you are, but you need to stop. I don't blame you, Elizabeth wouldn't blame you, and our parents don't blame you...now all we need is for you to not blame yourself. What happened was a tragedy that was caused by a sick fucked up excuse for a human. You were just the unfortunate soul who drew his attention. _

_The courses of all of our lives were drastically changed that day, but I for one, don't want to be defined by that day. I may have the physical and mental scares, as do you, but I won't let that ruin my life and you shouldn't either. Instead of feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in pity, I think it would be a much better use of my time to live life and enjoy the gifts I've been given; life, family, friends. Elizabeth wouldn't want us to be weighed down by what happened. She'd want us to live life to the fullest just as we would have wanted for her had the situation turned out differently. I know you feel guilty for moving away and actually starting to live your life again, but you shouldn't. I'm moving on too and living my life to the fullest. Don't think that my wheels hold me back; I just have to try a little harder to make some things happen. But pushing forward and living life is the best revenge against the one who did this to us._

_You've carried the guilt of that night around for far too long. You aren't weak. You are strong despite what you think. Jake tells me that you have made a wonderful group of friends there and that you seem to be shedding some of the weight you've carried on your shoulders since that night. I'm glad for it. It hurts to see you in so much pain. I'm proud of all the strides you've made to move past that night, but it's time to let it go...all of it. I know you will never forget, none of us will, but you can accept what happened and forgive yourself for whatever it is you feel is your fault; and move on. The best way we can honor Elizabeth is living, really living and taking her with us wherever our lives may lead. That's what she would have wanted. But you can't do it for her alone; you have to do it for you too. You can do something great and wonderful with your life. Elizabeth always said that you out of all of us was destined to shine. She loved you so much. She had such a big heart and it would be breaking knowing what you've put yourself through over the past 18 months. _

_I'm here for you always. I love you so much and can't wait until we have the old Bella back. Your new friends won't know what to do with you once she is back in full force. I can't wait to meet each one of them. They must be something special to gain your love and trust so quickly and I can't wait to thank them in person for being there for you._

_I know by now you are an emotional mess. Call Jake, I know he is nearby; he always is, that's why we love him so much. I have two requests to make of you before I go. One, please call me. I want to hear all about Washington, your friends, the music program...your love life (I told you Jake likes to gossip). And two, I know you aren't a huge teen pop fan but please listen to Hilary Duff's Fly. Really listen to the words. I think you will find they will have a pretty major impact on you. The moment I heard this song, I thought of you. I miss you so much._

_Happy Birthday Bella Bean!!! I love you to pieces. Keep Smiling._

_Katie Bug_

I couldn't keep the gut wrenching sobs in any longer. As it were, there had been a steady stream of tears trailing down my face since I opened the letter. I was so lost in my thoughts and tears that I didn't hear the door open. I was immediately engulfed in warm arms...Jacob.

"I knew you would need me." He whispered as he rocked me back and forth.

A little while later the door opened again. I heard hushed voices and I was pulled from Jake's embrace and found myself wrapped up in much smaller but just as comforting arms. Jake kissed me on my head before saying something to Alice and he left us alone. She continued soothing me until I was able to talk. She kept telling me that everything was okay and that she was there for me. Once I composed myself I thanked Alice and then shared my scrapbook with her. She laughed and cried just as I did...yet again. She loved seeing all the pictures of me and Jake growing up and by the time we reached the end of the book she was emphatic that she needed to meet Katie. She never asked if the cause of my tears was the scrapbook and I was grateful. Alice dismissed herself to the bathroom to get ready for bed and I took the opportunity to find 'Fly' on iTunes and download it.

As I downloaded the song, I thought about the things Katie had said in the letter as well as the things Jake and I had talked about over dinner...mostly the guilt I still carried around with me. I knew that I needed to find a way to let go of it if I were truly going to move forward in life. I thought about all that Alice went through in her early childhood and how she struggled and succeeded in overcoming her tragedy. I thought about everything that Edward had to endure the past year. He was still struggling to deal with his past but he had made great progress. And finally I thought about how much my life had changed in the past two years and all things I needed to work on to get back to the old Bella, well as much as I could go back to the old Bella without Elizabeth. That's when it hit me. I would never be able to move forward if I was striving to return to the old Bella. Going through what I did had changed my life and I would never be able to return to the place I was in before it happened. I instead decided to strive to become a new Bella. It was time to merge the pre James Bella with the post James Bella and create a new and improved Bella. I knew I had to deal with my guilt issues first and foremost. I also needed to figure out a way to deal with the past while living in the present.

Once the song was downloaded, I crawled into bed with my iPod and headphones. When the song began to play, I was astounded by the lyrics. Katie wasn't kidding when she said they would have an impact on me. As I listened, I couldn't help the tears that fell.

_In a moment, everything can change,_

_Feel the wind on your shoulder,_

_For a minute, all the world can wait,_

_Let go of your yesterday._

_Can you hear it calling?_

_Can you feel it in your soul?_

_Can you trust this longing?_

_And take control,_

_Fly_

_Open up the part of you that wants to hide away_

_You can shine,_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try, cause it's your time,_

_Time to fly._

_All your worries, leave them somewhere else,_

_Find a dream you can follow,_

_Reach for something, when there's nothing left,_

_And the world's feeling hollow._

_Can you hear it calling?_

_Can you feel it in your soul?_

_Can you trust this longing?_

_And take control,_

_Fly_

_Open up the part of you that wants to hide away_

_You can shine,_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try, cause it's your time,_

_Time to fly._

_And when you're down and feel alone,_

_Just want to run away,_

_Trust yourself and don't give up,_

_You know you better than anyone else,_

_In a moment, everything can change,_

_Feel the wind on your shoulder,_

_For a minute, all the world can wait,_

_Let go of yesterday,_

_Fly_

_Open up the part of you that wants to hide away_

_You can shine,_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try,_

_Fly_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try, cause it's your time,_

_Time to fly._

_In a moment, everything can change. _

I put the song on repeat and let it play over and over while the words infiltrated my mind and the words penetrated my very soul. I don't know how many times I listened to the song but each time I felt more and more pieces of the puzzle fall into place. I felt a shift in my very being and knew that things were going to be much different from here on out. I had to make amends with a lot of people for my behavior over the past 18 months. It wasn't my fault what happened but I did have control over the way I handled things and I should have never shut people out. I hurt more people than myself by doing that. I also needed to forgive myself as well. I knew what I had to do. As hard as it would be, I needed to go back to Phoenix. I needed to visit Elizabeth and go see her parents. I needed to visit Katie and her parents. Above all, I needed to see my parents. There were so many things I needed to say to them...all of them, Phil and Billy included. I also needed to make sure that Jake was aware of exactly how important he was and will always be to me.

It was time to lay all the guilt to rest and move forward with my life. I was given the chance to live and pursue my dreams and I wouldn't waste it. I would take advantage of each and every opportunity that I was given. I would take Elizabeth's mantra and run with it. Keep smiling. I would also follow her example and live life to the fullest and love with my whole heart. I would be like Katie and not let obstacles get in my way. I would face them head on and not back down from them. No more wallowing in self pity. It was time to put that part of my life behind me. I would never forget, but I could move past it and move forward.

I also took the time to think about the conversation I had with Alice about love and Edward. She was absolutely right about everything, as usual. I couldn't help but feel extremely lucky that she was in my life. As I thought about all the wonderful people that have blessed my life and how fortunate I was for the presence, a poem that Elizabeth always used to recite flooded my brain.

_When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on._

_When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season_

_LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant_

The truth of that poem hit me like a ton of bricks. It further drove the point home that I shouldn't take anyone important in my life for granted because I wouldn't know if they were in my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime...until it was too late. I vowed to always let those people know exactly what they meant to me...and it seems I would be starting with Alice. She must have thought I was asleep because she quietly approached my bed and bent down to kiss my forehead. I quickly grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into a Jake worthy hug. She shrieked at the unexpected movement and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped.

"What the hell Bella? Give a girl some warning next time." She giggled along with me.

"Thank you Alice."

"For what?" she asked confused.

"For just being you. For accepting me, for loving me, for being my friend. You make my life so much better. You can't know how much your story has impacted me. I know I can overcome my past. As long as I have people like you in my life, I can overcome anything." She had tears in her eyes and she just hugged me tighter before going to her own bed.

I was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. I really needed to get some sleep. I put my headphones back in and set my iPod to random, hoping I would hear my alarm clock in the morning.

As I was drifting off to sleep thoughts of Edward swirled in my head, as well as the chorus from 'Fly'.

_Fly_

_Open up the part of you that wants to hide away_

_You can shine,_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try, cause it's your time,_

_Time to fly_

There were things that I was still scared of. I hadn't even had a chance to really think about all the things I had planned on, but I no longer worried about that. Now my biggest concern, as far as Edward was concerned, was figuring out if I was in love with him and if it were too soon. I mean, our relationship status was still officially undecided. But Alice's words kept circling in my head. I knew I needed to deal with the intimacy issues I was having but I knew that with Edward, I could face anything. We just needed to focus on us and the rest would fall into place.

There was an internal war going on between my heart and head. My heart telling me I already knew my answer while my head was still being stubborn, even considering the many epiphanies I had recently had. My sleep was plagued with these thoughts all night and was being acted out in various dreams. Romeo and Juliet...what would have happened if she hadn't stood on her balcony that night or if Romeo had waited just a little longer before he drank the poison? Would Rhett and Scarlet have had a different outcome if she had confessed to her true feelings in the first place? Edward and I sitting on a porch with grey hair, still just friends because I never fully expressed how I felt about him. Me sitting in the middle of a meadow crying hysterically because I waited too long to show my hand and Edward found someone else. Me sitting in that same meadow crying hysterically because I jumped the gun and scared Edward off. Elizabeth telling me to not hold on to my heart to tightly. Katie telling me to not pass up what is right in front of me. My grandma and grandpa sitting me down when I was ten and telling me how it was love at first sight for them. There were other random snippets throughout the night that didn't register but still had an impact on the internal war that was raging in my subconscious. By the time my alarm went off on Wednesday morning, the chaos of my heart and mind had finally subsided. Sometime between sleep and wake, my heart and mind came to an accord and agreed on one radical truth.

I was scared shitless.

I was thrilled.

I was terrified.

I was ecstatic.

But thanks to Katie and all that followed in the wake of her present...I was ready.

I knew what I had to do. I didn't care that it wasn't Friday yet. Alice was right...timelines are pointless. Katie was right, I needed to live my life to the fullest, put the guilt behind me, and move forward. Elizabeth was right...she always said that I thought with my head too much and needed to listen to my heart more. My mom was right. Her mantra was 'why wait until tomorrow what you can do today.' Jake was right, I deserved happiness. It was time for me to seize what was in front of me. It was time for me to take control of my life again. It was time to fly.

**A/N: Next chapter will be EPOV. Time to find out how he is handling everything. **

**Now I need your help. Well as always, please review. I love to hear what you are thinking. I want to know if there is anything in particular you'd like to see happen with the characters. Although I pretty much know where I want this story to go, I can always use some ideas. So please feel free to share. Thanks again for taking the time to read. Now hit the button and leave me some love!!!**


	34. Chapter 34: Nothing But Time

**A/N: Well at least it didn't take me as long to update as it did last time. This is shorter than previous chapters but I decided to go ahead and give you an update and then I can really concentrate on the next chapter...the one everyone has been waiting for!!!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter and also to the newcomers who have added this story to their favorites and alerts.**

**Chapter 34: Nothing But Time**

**EPOV (Sunday night after leaving Bella's room)**

5 days....

120 hours...

7,200 minutes...

432,000 seconds...

That's a long damn time and I don't think I'll make it. In the past, five days was nothing; but not anymore. Now it feels like an eternity.

Why did I agree to five days of processing time. It's not like anything is going to change for me. I understand why Bella suggested this; honestly I do, but it only took a few minutes after leaving her to know that, while I understand it...I don't like it. It has been one hell of a weekend, filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It's amazing how quickly human emotions can go from one extreme to another. Elation to depression, happiness to sadness, full blown rage to passiveness. To say I was slightly in awe of Bella...well that would be the understatement of my life. She continues to surprise me at every turn. I never imagined that she would take things as well as she did. But I shouldn't have been surprised. She never reacts to things like I think a normal person would or should. She's ten shades of perfect in my book. And no, I don't have on rose colored glasses. I know she isn't literally perfect, but she is perfect for me.

I have no idea how I'm going to make it until Friday. I think if I could hear her voice everyday, it would be much more bearable and at first we were allowed to talk on the phone, but before I left, Bella decided that talking would test her resolve way too much. I smiled at that, realizing that I have much more of an affect on Ms. Swan than she really wants to admit. So texting and emailing will be our only forms of communication for the next five days. I can do this. I really can. I just need to stay busy.

I had only been away from Bella for ten short minutes and I was already going nuts. Thank god for Jasper, If anyone can calm me down better than Bella and Alice, it's Jasper.

"So man, how are ya' holding up? I know today hasn't been easy to cope with."

"I'm surprisingly okay, considering everything that has happened. Telling Bella about my past was hard but cathartic at the same time."

"If it's not prying too much, how did she handle it all?" he asked in real concern.

"Well if there is one thing that is predictably unpredictable about Bella, it is the fact that she never reacts the way you expect. She just amazes me at every turn, taking it all in stride and only concerned for my well being. Man you should have seen her when Jessica walked up to us while we were talking. Bella is just as, if not more, protective over me than Alice is...and that is saying something. I swear I saw claws and fangs."

Jasper laughed as we walked into our room but his demeanor quickly turned serious.

"Edward, if you need to talk about what happened today, this weekend, or about anything; I will gladly listen. I know you have Alice but I also know that it can sometimes be hard talking to those closest to the situation. Plus, I imagine that she'll be an ear for Bella a lot this week and I'm not that I'm saying Alice wouldn't be here for you too; we al know she would. Just know I'm here too."

He was right. Alice was too close to the situation and I could use some perspective from someone other than family and Dr. Kym. But did I really want to rehash everything? Yes. I did. So I spent the rest of the night telling him about everything that happened, minus Bella's story. He knows that she went through something terrible but he doesn't know the details. That's for her to tell, if she so chooses. He sat in dead silence for several minutes after I finished recounting the events of the day. He seemed to be deep in thought. When he did speak I was expecting him to questions Bella's reactions, or what I thought of Jessica's revelations; I wasn't expecting what came out of his mouth.

"How the hell are you two gonna stay away from each other until Friday? You are royally screwed." God I hated the smirk. It reminded me of Alice. These two have really been hanging out with each other way too much.

"Jasper...I don't have the damnedest idea. It sounded like a great idea at the time, you know emotions running high and all, but shit...I'm already second guessing it and it's only been a few hours. Don't get me wrong. I understand why we need this time apart. I really do, but I sure as hell don't like it. Not one bit."

"Really. I would have never guess." He said sarcastically. "I mean, you are likely to be bald by the time Friday rolls around if you keep doing that shit to your hair. You've been doing that since we left their room."

I hadn't even realized that I my hands had been pulling at my hair since we left Bella's room.

"Nervous habit." I muttered.

"So, I have to ask just one questions...okay well we know that's not true. Let me rephrase. I have to ask the first of many questions. How did you restrain yourself when Jessica slapped Bella?"

And just the thought of Jessica leaving that angry red mark on Bella's beautiful creamy skin, nearly sent me into a rage I didn't realize was bubbling up. I had to take a few deep breaths to calm down before I could answer Jasper.

"I haven't the slightest idea. I've never wanted to hit a female so badly in my entire life. Not when Jessica told me she was cheating on me, that she was pregnant, that she had an abortion; not even then. I was furious with her for all the lies and deception but when she laid her hands on Bella...I saw red. All Bella was doing was sticking up for me, she didn't deserve being hit. I honestly think I was frozen in shock and by the time I was able to react, Bella had things under control. I swear, she is the strongest person I know. Mentally and emotionally. She took the high road and refused to stoop to Jessica's level. Instead of defending herself, she was more concerned about me. She just didn't want to make things any harder on me than they already were by physically retaliating."

"Well I think it's safe to say that Jessica dodged a rather potent bullet then. From what Jake was telling us when Bella was on the phone with her dad and you were with Alice, Bella can really pack a punch. Said that she's landed him on his ass on a few occasions and left many more bruises in her wake than he'd really like to admit. She even broke his finger a few years back. It was hilarious visualizing Bella beating up Jake." Jasper laughed and I decided that I needed to hear these stories for myself.

"He really is a great guy. From what Bella told me, Jake is a big reason why she is living again. He refused to give up on her. At first I was worried that I wouldn't be able to overcome how close they are, but now that I know what they truly mean to one another; well I couldn't be more grateful that she has him in her life."

"Well I'm glad you've realized that. It would be a damn shame if you let something like jealousy over her relationship with Jake ruin your potential relationship with Bella. That girl loves and cares with her whole heart and she is one of the most loyal people I've ever met. I don't think you'd like the outcome if you were to make her choose. I'm sure it would kill her to choose, but Jake has proven himself to her and been there for her. Their bond is everlasting."

"Good thing I'm not a possessive jealous asshole then, huh?"

"Yeah, we'll see. Just don't pull that shit where Jake is concerned and you'll be fine. With other guys...well that's a different story." He smirked.

"No worries there. I meant what I said. I'm glad she has him in her life. I could never feel anything but gratitude towards him. As far as other guys go...well I'll think about that once she is officially mine." I grinned at the mere thought of being able to call her mine.

"Well I guess we have to find something to keep your mind occupied this week. Alice has already informed me that I am to keep myself busy tomorrow night because her and Bella are having 'girl time', just the two of them. Rose and Angela were going to join them, but Alice asked them to give her some time with Bella first. She wants Bella to be completely comfortable talking and since the others don't know your story, it wouldn't be impossible for Bella to be truly honest about things."

"That's Alice, always looking out for others. I'm damn lucky to have her in my life." I smiled as I thought of my sister.

"Me too bro. Me too."

"Yeah and you better not fuck it up, cause as much as I like you...I love my sister and her happiness means everything to me. I wouldn't hesitate to let Bella have a go at you if you hurt Alice." I grinned and Jasper laughed.

"Low blow man. I guess I'll just have to never give you a reason to unleash Bella Balboa on me. Although it would be funny to actually see her in action. Think we could talk Jake into provoking her?"

"Dude, I am not getting involved in that one...but I'm pretty positive you wouldn't have to twist Em's arm to get him to plot with you."

After a few more minutes of banter, I decided to call it a night. I had a long week ahead of me and I was exhausted from the past weekend. I feel asleep with a new melody in my head and visions of long brown hair and chocolate eyes to accompany it.

The next morning dawned bright and early...Monday. Jasper and I made a trip to the gym before our morning classes. An hour long workout helped me center myself and focus. A good nights sleep cleared my head and I knew Bella and I were doing the right thing by taking some time. My feelings were as sure and steady as ever but I did have questions that I wanted to ask. None of them were going to be easy to ask and I knew they sure as hell wouldn't be easy for her to answer. But despite all of that, I knew I'd still be there at the end.

After showering and getting ready for class, I decided to shoot Bella a text message.

_Just wanted to say good morning and to let you know that I'm thinking of you._

_~Edward_

It didn't take her but seconds to respond.

_Thinking of you too. I hope you have a good day. Miss you already._

_~Bella_

Yep, I was like a giddy teenage girl. Those three little words did something funny to my insides...'miss you already.' I responded without thought.

_I miss you too, more than I thought possible. I don't know if I'll make it until Friday._

_~Edward_

I didn't get a response back and figured she must be in class. I checked my email before grabbing a quick bite to and headed to my first class of the day. I was halfway there when I got a response from Bella.

_You are already making it difficult to hold on to my resolve. Not nice Cullen._

_~Bella_

Oh yeah, we are so not going to make it until Friday. But I didn't want to push her. I knew she needed some time and I was determined to be a gentleman and give her the space she asked for. But that didn't mean I couldn't tease her a little.

_Swan, I humbly apologize and beg for your forgiveness. Although I must admit I'm not sorry for saying it. It's nothing but the truth and my mom raised me not to lie. I am however sorry for testing your resolve._

_~Edward_

Just a few seconds later my phone dinged again, alerting me to a new message.

_You're not going to make this week easy are you? That's okay; two can play this game Cullen._

_~Bella_

For some reason her referring to me by my last name made my toes tingle. Yep, I've officially turned into a girl. But I couldn't think about that at the moment. She had just laid down a challenge. One I wasn't going to back away from. My competitive nature kicked in and I was determined to have fun with this, confident that I could win this...whatever _this_ was.

_Game on Swan._

_~Edward_

My confidence held firm for all of an hour before Bella totally owned me; proving to me exactly how wrapped around this girl I truly am. When my phone alerted me to a new text, I quickly pulled it out of my pocket, read the message, and nearly killed myself tripping down the steps in front of the building I was coming out of.

_I miss your eyes, your voice, your hands, your smile, but mostly I miss your lips._

_~Bella_

I swear I forgot how to breath. Faster than I thought possible, I typed out a reply

_God woman, are you trying to kill me? Now who is testing whose resolve here? If I didn't have a presentation in 20, I would be hunting you down._

_~Edward_

And that was the truth. Point to Bella. Well played Miss Swan. Her lack of response led me to believe that I was having the same effect on her as well. My presentation went well despite the thoughts of Bella's lips that plagued my brain. I was completely surprised that I was able to get through the 15 minutes presentation without saying her name. The rest of my day went by without incident. I met Alice for lunch and was quite shocked that she didn't hound me about anything concerning Bella. She asked how I was holding up and then told me that she was there if I needed to talk. When I questioned her on her lack of digging, she simply stated that she didn't need to. Confused the hell out of me but I let it slide and just enjoyed the time I had with my sister.

After walking Alice to her class, I made my way to the music building. Having an hour to kill before my next class, I was hoping to find an empty practice room so I could hammer out the notes that had been swirling around in my head since last night. My luck held out and I found an empty room. For the next 45 minutes, I focused on nothing but music. It's amazing how much the human brain can process, even when you aren't trying to. During those minutes that I was blissfully unaware, my mind had come to a few realizations. This morning during my workout, I had come to the conclusion that there were questions that Bella needed to answer about herself. This afternoon in the music room, I realized there were things that I needed to answer, for myself. I had to make it through two more classes and then I would take the time to focus on these revelations.

I managed to half way pay attention during my last two classes of the day. Thankfully I heard the part about a test and a paper, although the details were still a bit fuzzy. I wasn't ready to head back to my room yet so I headed to a place that I could go to think. To the pier. Despite what happened here yesterday, this was still a peaceful place to me. The drive to the pier was spent in contemplative silence. I didn't even turn on music. Coming to a decision, I picked up my phone and dialed Dr. Kym's office. I knew I needed to speak to her about several things and the sooner the better. She had an opening on Wednesday and I quickly agreed.

Finding an empty bench, I pulled out my iPod, hit the random button, and let the music flow over me as I let my mind wonder.

Yes, there were things in both mine and Bella's pasts that presented issues; issues that we were both certain we could overcome. I still had questions that I needed to answer for my own curious mind, knowing that her answers wouldn't change anything. The realizations that had made there way to the forefront of my mind were one hundred percent solely focused on me. These were things that I would have to work on and change if I wanted a relationship with Bella to work.

I knew that I would have to make more time for us to spend together. My schedule is currently loaded with studying, music, volunteering, and shadowing. Since the Jessica situation, I've made sure to keep myself as busy as possible so I would have little time to be inside my own head. Now that needed to change. I knew I could cut back on the volunteering and shadowing. Between all the time that I've spent with my current mentor here in Seattle and all the time I've spent with my dad while he was at work; I've already accumulated three fourths of my required hours. I would talk with my dad and advisor to make sure, but I was pretty certain that cutting back on those hours wouldn't have a negative impact on my career goals.

As far as studying and music went, well those were things that I could do with Bella, together, even if not actively engaging one another. Just knowing she is in the same room with me would be enough when we were studying. Just listening to her play would be enough, as long as we were together. I also have a feeling that just being around one another gets the creativity flowing for both of us. This is definitely a plus.

The other things, well they aren't as simple. I would need to become more willing to open up and be honest with her about everything in general. I've already seen what running away does to us and it isn't pretty. I'm not used to being so bare before others. But this was a necessary change that I was willing to make if it meant being with Bella. Communication seems to be an issue that we both have problems with. And that is also a wall that needs to come down if we are to have a successful relationship. I really have to learn that I can't control everything. Control has always been an aspect of my life, but more so since Jessica. Trust..that's a big one. But I have a feeling trust won't be an issue with Bella. I just hope I'm right.

The issue I'm most worried about broaching with Bella is the intimacy aspect of a relationship. I know she is a virgin and that her experiences are very limited. Although I'm not a virgin, I still have limited experience. I was basically coerced into having sex. I know, it takes two so maybe coerced isn't the correct term, but I feel like I let myself be manipulated into that position. I didn't give my whole self willingly or completely. I did it to hang on to the person that I thought I loved. I was so confused as to who Jessica really was. I tried so hard to reconcile the girl I spent a year getting to know through phone calls and emails with the actual person that I was physically presented with, and the equation just wasn't working out. I let myself believe that her fear of rejection was causing her to be this other person. I wanted the person that I grew to love over that year of getting to know one another back, not this bitter person I was presented with on a daily basis. Because as much as I now realize that it wasn't truly love, I did care for her deeply at the time. I hoped by giving her the one thing she seemed so desperate to have that I would find that person again. Biggest mistake of my life and I learned my lesson. I didn't want anything, especially sex, to come between me and someone I truly care about, Bella. So yes, she and I would have to have this conversation.

I want to make sure we have a strong foundation to build upon. I want to get to know her, want her to know me. I want us to prove that we are able to have a relationship based on feelings and genuine like for one another before we move on to the physical aspects. I need to know how she feels about sex; in general and with me. We will need to set boundaries. Considering what she went through with James, I have a feeling that she will need to have control over that part of our relationship, and I'm okay with that. I want to ask her about doing some joint sessions with Dr. Kym. We both know each other's stories so Dr. Kym shouldn't have issues with it, especially if it's something we both want. Yes, that's a lot of I want's and I need's but I have to make sure that my expectations are also met. There are two people involved and we both need to take care of ourselves as well. If not, there is no hope for a positive relationship.

I also need her to know that I saw this as a long term thing. I didn't want to scare her off but I also wanted her to know where I stood. I'm pretty sure that she is it for me. I can't imagine having a stronger connection with someone than I already have with Bella...and we've only know each other a short time. I can't even begin to comprehend how that connection will grow as we learn more about one another and become closer. I am in serious danger of falling hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Bella Swan...hell I think I'm already there.

It was late in the afternoon when Clair de Lune rang out from my cell. That was Bella's ring tone. I immediately started to panic. We weren't supposed to be talking to one another until Friday. What if something was wrong? I didn't even bother with pleasantries.

"Bella, is everything okay?"

_"Hey to you too. Yes everything is fine. I'm sorry to bother you but I needed to ask you something."_ She said in a cheery voice so it was obvious that nothing was wrong.

"Thank god. I freaked when I heard your ringtone since we aren't supposed to be talking until Friday." I said while blowing out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding.

_"I didn't even think about that. I'm so sorry I freaked you out."_

"It's fine. I'm glad I get to hear your voice. So what's up?"

_"Well...Dr. Smithwick invited me to join her and her husband for dinner Saturday night and I was hoping you'd go with me."_

I didn't say anything at first, not quite sure I heard her properly. This woman didn't like me and although it would mean spending an evening with Bella, I didn't know that I wanted to do it while in the presence of Dr. Smithwick.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, I'd love to go and spend time with you, but she doesn't care for me very much."

_"Actually you are perfectly wrong in that assumption. She likes you very much and thinks you are immensely talented. She's just harder on those that she sees as having potential. I've talked to her about you and me, not many details, just enough that she knows you are important to me. She was the one who actually suggested I invite you."_

More silence. Still processing. First of all, Bella admitted to telling Dr. Smithwick that I am an important part of her life. Secondly, Professor Bitch actually suggested that I attend with Bella. Thirdly, the woman told Bella that she likes me. This certainly changes things a bit. I could do this if only to spend time with my girl. I couldn't disappoint her.

"Wow. Well if you want me to go, then I'd be more than happy to escort you on Saturday.

_"Thanks Edward. That means a lot to me. Oh and one more thing. I was going to surprise you but with your schedule I don't want to take the risk that you are going to be busy. I have two tickets for a concert that is taking place on October 10th here in Seattle. Once again, gifts from Dr. Smithwick. Think you'd be interested in being my date for the evening?"_

I didn't even have to think about an answer to that one, not caring who we were going to see; just that we'd be together. I was also further convinced that I had made the right decision to lessen my busy schedule. Bella had pointed that fact out in just a few words.

"Of course I'd be interested. So who are we going to see?"

_"Yo Yo Ma."_

"Holy shit!!! Oh my god Bella. I've wanted to see him in concert for ages. This is awesome. I thought they were sold out." Totally acting like a fangirl, but I could care less.

_"Guess that's a perk of being the head of the music department. She really is a great person. I hope you get to see that this weekend."_

Looks like I'm really going to have to reevaluate my opinions of Dr. Smithwick.

_"Edward, I've got to get going. It's time for me and Em to meet with Felix for our drum lesson. I know I broke the rules by calling, but I really wanted to ask you about this weekend through texting. Rules are back on now though."_

"I understand, still don't like it, but I know it's what we agreed to. Text me tonight before you go to bed?"

_"I'll do that. I really miss you Edward."_

"I miss you too, Bella. Have fun with Em and Felix."

As I was hanging up the phone, I could hear Emmett in the background. I'm still amazed at how quickly Bella infiltrates people's hearts. She has gained the loyalty of more people in the mere month that she has been here than most people I know have in a lifetime. She truly is a special person, even if she can't fully see or understand that. It's my mission to make her see the person she truly is.

Knowing that I had some reading to do, I made my to the car and then drove back to campus. I called Jasper on the way to find out his plans for the night. He was going to be studying, so I offered to pick up Thai on the way back.

Jasper and I watched Sports Center while we filled up on pad thai, spring rolls, and curry chicken. After completely stuffing myself and changing into some comfortable clothes, I pulled out my Bio-Chem book and got to reading. I read for a little over an hour before switching subjects and settled in to work on my Statistics homework. After finishing that assignment I started researching some ideas for the paper I was assigned in my English class today. I blanched at the idea of taking additional English classes but my dad assured me that medical schools would look kindly upon that fact; and who was I to argue with Dr. Dad.

I didn't realize how much time had passed until Jasper told me he was turning in for the night. I checked my phone, thinking I may have missed Bella, but I didn't have any new messages. Then I remembered that Alice was holding her hostage tonight and she probably hadn't had a chance to text me. So I texted her.

One day down, four to go. I can't wait until Friday. I miss your smile and your laugh. Sweet dreams beautiful.

~Edward

She responded quickly.

_Four days...seems like a lifetime away. I miss your eyes and quite simply...I miss you. Sleep well handsome._

_~Bella_

How many more days until I can see her? Wonder if I can sneak in her room after she's asleep...okay well maybe not. That would make me a creepy stalker and as much as I would love to see her face while she slept...I won't stoop to that type of behavior; not yet anyway. One day down, four to go.

Tuesday morning...one of my favorite days of the week.

Over the past few weeks I had come to look forward to Tuesday mornings. Meeting Bella for coffee was becoming one of my favorite past times. What a way to start my day. But today I wouldn't get to partake in my favorite activity...spending time with Bella. I had breakfast with Jasper and then went to the library to get in some study time. I felt off the whole morning, like something was missing. I didn't realize how big a part of my day that Bella typically plays. Getting through my morning classes took forever and I could feel myself becoming more irritable and moody. Bella and I exchanged a few text messages before lunch but nothing substantial. She did tell me that she loved her new clarinet. Which reminded me that I really wanted to hear her play.

My mood only worsened when I got a rather taunting text from Jasper early in the afternoon. I knew it was all in good humor, but I was in no mood to laugh.

_Just wanted to let you know that I had the pleasure of having lunch with a brown eyed beauty today._

_~J_

It took a minute for it to sink in. My first thought was that Alice didn't have brown eyes. My second thought was about kicking his ass because he was having lunch with someone other than my sister. And finally it clicked and I really wanted to beat his ass because he had seen my Bella today.

WTF!!! That is so not fair!

~E

Yeah I know I sounded like a whiny bitch but I literally felt like I was going through Bella withdrawal. I guess what they say is true...you never know what you've got until it's gone. I know she wasn't really gone but just the fact that I knew I couldn't see her until Friday was enough to make me crazy.

_Calm down son. I was waiting for Alice but she had to cancel. I saw Bella looking for an open table and invited her to join me so she wouldn't have to eat alone. We talked about you the whole time. I even told her what a jealous prick you were going to be when you found I had lunch with your girl today._

_~J_

Thanks man. Sorry, just wound a bit tight today.

~E

_No shit._

_~J_

I knew I needed to get my mood in check so I called Alice to see if she could hang out with me tonight. I knew Bella was going to dinner with Jake so she'd be out of the dorm. Alice had plans with Jasper for supper but invited me along. Once plans for the evening were firmed up, I texted Bella.

So I hear you had lunch with another man today. What gives Swan?

~Edward

_What, are you spying on me now Cullen?_

_~Bella_

I have my sources. So spill.

~Edward

_Fine you win. Yes I had lunch with a total hottie today. Too bad he is head over heels in love with my roommate._

_~Bella_

Is that so?

~Edward

_Yeah, but it wouldn't matter anyway. I'm kinda interested in someone else at the moment. And shh...don't tell anyone, but I think he's kinda into me too._

_~Bella_

You're secret is safe with me. And yes, I can assure you, he is very into you. Now...I think three home cooked meals should be payment enough for having lunch with a 'hottie' that wasn't me.

~Edward

I spent the rest of the afternoon shooting off random texts to her listing all my favorite foods. I loved that we could be so playful and carefree with one another. My afternoon classes passed by much quicker than my morning classes did and before I knew it, Alice was in my room dressing me for dinner.

"Alice, I've been dressing myself for twenty years, I think I can manage to pick out my clothes for one dinner. It's not like we are going to a five star restaurant."

"Please Edward, don't be such a spoil sport." She said giving me a look that she has spent years perfecting. One that I could never refuse, so I gave in.

"Fine. Do you do this to Bella all the time?"

"Yes, but she doesn't complain nearly as much as you. She trusts me to make her look good."

"She doesn't need help in that department Alice." I couldn't help but sound defensive. I mean, Bella is gorgeous.

"I know that Edward. I'm not saying she doesn't already look good, I mean, she's a total babe. I just help her better accentuate her features, a fact that I didn't hear you complain about once over the weekend. Matter of fact, I bet you enjoyed it more than anybody."

Well she had me there and the blush that erupted on my cheeks let her know that. She laughed before diving back in my closet to only pull out a pair of ratty well worn jeans, a tight fitted green thermal, and my black hoodie. An outfit I would've chosen for myself. But I didn't say anything other than 'thanks' and made my way to the bathroom to change.

"You do realize what you are getting yourself into?" I asked Jasper as I walked past him.

"Yep, and I still don't care." He answered with a smile. Good man, he knows just what to say to the big brother of the girl he is dating.

We kept it simple for dinner. We hit an Irish pub a few blocks from campus. The fish and chips are famous and the pints are plentiful. The food was delicious and I decided that I needed to bring Bella here sometime. After we finished our food, we ordered another round of drinks, courtesy of the fake ID's we had recently acquired. Alice decided we needed to hang out and have a 'chat' as she put it. I should have known she wasn't just going to leave things alone, but for once, I was glad. I really wanted to keep my sister involved. I still felt immensely guilty after choosing Jessica over her; I would never cut her out of my life again.

"So big brother, how are you doing?"

"I'm good Alice, promise."

"Then what are you stressing over? And don't tell me it's nothing. I know better. It's written all over your face and you know you can't that kind of thing from me." She said while giving me 'the look'.

I knew there was no way of getting out of this conversation so I held up my finger letting her know I needed a minute to organize my thoughts.

"Okay Alice. I've just been doing some thinking and have come to certain realizations."

"Such as?" She asked.

"Quite a few actually. First I have to have a talk with dad and my mentor at the hospital because I want to cut back on the number of hours that I typically spend volunteering and shadowing. If Bella and I have any shot at a normal relationship, then I need to rearrange my priorities."

"Edward, you know Bella would never ask that of you."

"I know that, but I'm doing it just as much for myself. Did you know that I've already accumulated over half of my required hours? Alice, I still have nearly three years left to get the rest. I buried myself in those things so I wouldn't have time to think about what happened. Plus it's time I start acting my age. I don't want to graduate, go straight to med school, then to residency without having some fun. I finally believe that I deserve that for myself and lord knows Bella needs some fun."

"I didn't know you had already gotten that many. I'm so proud of you Edward. You are finally starting to see your self worth again. And I agree, you need to act like a college kid. I know you won't got over board, neither will Bella. But you two need to let loose ever so often."

"And I'm pretty sure you are just the girl to make that happen." I smiled at her.

"So, what were your other realizations?"

"I just need to deal with my trust and control issues. So far, they haven't seemed to make themselves known when I'm with Bella. Maybe she's been helping me with those things all along and I just haven't realized it. Also my typical lack of communication skills. That nearly cost us before we even got started. I can't risk that again."

"I agree with you there man." Jasper piped in.

"I also think she needs to know that I'm not going into this lightly. I'm not looking for a short term thing. I just have this feeling that she's it for me. I feel extremely connected to her already; like there is this pull and I can't imagine it ever being stronger with anyone else. And I know this sounds completely crazy. We've only known each other a month, we aren't officially in a relationship, and yet here I am planning forever with her in my head. Are you going to have me committed?"

I was shocked when I looked at Alice and saw tears running down her face. She was muttering under her breath but I swear I heard her say 'two peas in a pod' and 'perfect for each other'.

"Alice? Are you okay?"

"I'm more than okay Edward. I'm just happy for you. I spent so much time worried about you, even before the fall out with Jessica. But after her, it only got worse. I was so scared that you wouldn't be able to come back from that and even if you did, I thought it would take a long time. I watched as you closed yourself off to everyone and threw yourself into anything that would keep you busy. You were just going through the paces and not really living. I did what I could to help you but I was so afraid that I was going to lose my big brother, my best friend. I'm just so happy that someone was able to touch your heart again and that you allowed them in. Bella is seriously the answer to my many hours of prayers."

I couldn't help but feel terribly guilty at all I had put her through. I got out of my seat and pulled her into my arms. I hadn't noticed but Jasper had excused himself from our table to give us some time together.

"I am so sorry. I never meant for you to be hurt and I certainly never meant to shut you out. You were there for me when I didn't want anyone there. You never gave up on me and you continuously showed me how much you loved me. Thank you for all of it Alice. If not for you, I don't know that Bella would have had much to be interested in."

"Sure there would have been, she would have just had to work harder to tear down your walls." Alice smiled at me through her tears. "You're my brother Edward and I would do anything for you. I'm just so glad that I actually like the girl you are interested in."

"Just 'like' her?" I asked her while cocking my eyebrow at her.

"Okay okay. More like love her, adore her, think the world of her."

"Should I be jealous? Although that would be kinda hot." Jasper said as he took his seat next to Alice.

Alice took a page out of Rose's book and popped him in the back of the head.

"Jasper!!! I can't believe you would say that." Alice feigned shock.

"Oh darlin, you know I don't share." He stated possessively as he winked at her, his southern draw becoming more pronounced. He really knows how to use that to his advantage.

Alice laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

"So was there anything else?" She asked and I knew it was written all over my face that there was more.

"Yeah and I'm really nervous about talking to her about it, although I have a feeling it's a possible issue for her as well. I'm nervous about the physical aspect of the relationship."

I noticed that both Alice and Jasper shifted slightly in their seats before refocusing their attention on me. I ignored it and continued talking.

"You both know my history. I'm not sure how much you know Jasper but Alice knows Bella's story. I think you can figure out where I'm going with this."

Alice nodded her head and Jasper just looked deep in thought.

"Do you have any ideas how you are going to bring it up?" Jasper questioned.

"Yeah, I'm just going to be honest with her. I've thought about suggesting some joint sessions with Dr. Kym. I think she'd go with me and I really think it would help."

"That's a great idea. I think you are going about this in the best possible way. I don't think you'll get any negative response from Bella." Alice chimed in and then tugged on her ear. This was always the sign that she used when there was more to what she was saying than she was actually saying. She'd done this for as long as I could remember, but only to me. I took it to mean that it was probable that Bella had already talked to Alice about this.

We decided to head back to mine and Jasper's room and watch a movie. On the way back, Alice brought up another subject I was slightly hesitant to talk about.

"Have you thought of any questions you need to ask Bella?"

"Yeah, I have. I'm apprehensive about asking them though. Well more like I'm not sure how to ask them. Some of them are pretty deep. I'm planning on bringing that up with Dr. Kym tomorrow when I talk to her about everything else."

"Do you mind if I ask what questions you need to ask her?" And this was one of the few times I would deny my sister.

"Actually, I think I need to talk to Bella about them first."

"I understand, but I'm here if you need a sounding board." She offered.

Once we made it back to the room, we let Alice pick. She chose 'Interview With a Vampire' saying something about Brad Pitt, long hair, and hot vampires. Jasper looked at me and I just shrugged my shoulders. Her obsession with vampires wasn't anything new to me. Jasper would just have to learn to deal with it. We were half way through the movie when Alice's cell phone started ringing.

"Hello?" She paused.

"Oh hey Jake. Is everything okay?" She got a worried look on her face as she continued to listen to Jake.

"Yeah, no problem. It will take me about ten minutes to get there. I'm at Edward's and Jasper's. Just call or text me when you think I need to come." She replied and then smiled at something he said.

"I promise Jake, I won't walk over by myself. I'll get Jasper to walk with me." "Okay, bye."

She hung up the phone and I could tell she was really worried.

"What's wrong Alice?" I couldn't hold back my curiosity any longer. And truthfully, she was starting to scare me a little. Why would Jake be calling Alice?

"Umm...well that was Jake. He was just giving me a heads up that it might be a rough night for Bella and that he thinks she'll need me."

"What happened?" I nearly shouted at her.

"Calm down Edward. Nothing happened...well not really. Bella is in the process of opening up her birthday present from Katie and Jake said that Katie always gives very touching and sentimental gifts. He just thinks that she is going to need a shoulder to cry on. He's there now but he knows he can't be there all night."

I wanted to be the one to offer her comfort. I wanted to be the one to wrap my arms around her. I just wanted to be with her. But I knew it wasn't my time yet. I had to trust that Jake and Alice would be there for her and take care of her. A little over an hour later, Alice's phone rang again. It was Jake and they were on the phone for about five minutes. When she hung up she started getting ready to go.

"How is Bella?"

"Right now she is fine. Katie made Bella a scrapbook and although it did make her cry, it also made her smile and laugh. Jake said he thought she would be okay at first but Katie wrote her a letter and stuck it in the back of the book. He isn't sure what it contains but he's worried that it's going to really get to Bella. I want to go ahead and get over there just in case. And Edward, don't freak if you don't hear from her tonight. I'll text you and let you know how she is. Jasper, can you walk me back?"

"I can go too." I offered.

She laughed at me.

"Yeah, not happening. If you get within 100 yards of that building, you'll find a way to get to Bella. I promise, I'll keep you updated." She said as she gave me a hug.

As they were walking out of the door Jasper stopped and told me he'd hang around as long as he could and would give me an update when he got back. Knowing that both Alice and Jasper would keep me in the loop allowed me to relax...a little.

I paced, tried to read, attempted to play, paced some more, took a shower, half heartedly listened to some music...oh yeah and I obsessively checked my cell phone just to make sure I didn't have any missed calls or messages.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Jasper came back. I was on my feet before he could even shut the door.

"Whoa, slow down buddy. She's fine, Alice is with her now. Jake was with her when we got there and I'm not gonna lie, Bella was a mess. It took everything in me to hold Alice back from busting down the door, but I was only able to hold her off for a few minutes. Jake came out once Alice was there."

"Did he say what upset her so much?" I was hating that my Bella was in so much pain.

"Not specifically. He just said that the scrapbook brought back a lot of memories and that Bella was already on an emotional roller coaster from that. He suspects that the letter Katie wrote just really got to her and caused her to re-evaluate some things that have been going on. Apparently she has a gift for making people see the truth in things, even when they don't want to. He was a bit cryptic, but I suspect it has something to do with whatever happened to Bella."

"Thanks Jasper. I really appreciate it."

I decided to get ready for bed and wait for Alice to text me. I was so anxious that I never thought I'd actually be able to fall asleep. I pulled out my iPod and found my favorite play list. Since Jasper was already asleep, I set my phone to vibrate and gripped it in my hand so I'd feel it when I got a new message. I don't know how long I had been asleep when I finally got what I was waiting for.

_Check your email_

_~Ali_

I quietly tiptoed to my desk and grabbed my laptop. After opening my email program, I saw Alice had sent me an email with an attachment. I quickly clicked on it to open it up.

_Edward,_

_Don't worry. Things are okay. Bella was just emotional after opening her present. I really hope she shares the scrapbook with you. It offers a pretty amazing glimpse into Bella's life. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me smile but most importantly, it made me see Bella, the Bella who lived before her life got turned upside down. I don't know what the letter said. I didn't ask and she didn't tell but I think things are going to start to get better from this point forward. Although she was emotionally drained by the end of the night, I could see that a weight had been lifted off her. I could literally feel the determination rolling from her. I don't know what she has planned, but whatever it is, I can guarantee you that it is going to be a life altering step for her. This is a good thing. She even looks more peaceful. Just look at the attached picture; you'll see what I'm talking about. Don't worry, you'll see her soon. Night big brother._

_Love ya,_

_Alice_

_OH...I swear, she just said your name in her sleep!!! :)_

I read the last line of her email about ten times before it sunk in that Bella was saying my name in her sleep. I can't describe the feelings that this caused to course through me. It was then I remembered the attachment. I quickly downloaded it and nearly forgot to breath when it opened. It was a picture of Bella sleeping. She was beautiful and Alice was right. She looked so peaceful and content. I could tell she was listening to music due to the headphone wires that were barely visible in the picture. That gave me an idea...something to explore later. Her hair was a wild mess all over her pillow, her lips relaxed into a lazy smile, and it looked like she had a death grip on a stuffed wolf. I wanted nothing more than to take the place of that stuffed animal. I emailed the picture to my phone and promptly paired it with Bella's number. Now every time she called, I would see her beautiful face. I stared at that picture for a few minutes more before replacing my ear buds and promptly falling into a deep sleep with dreams full of Bella.

A/N: Hope it was worth the wait. Next chapter will be a big one. Going to Disney World next week with my husband, daughter, and my sisters family. Should be a big time. Hoping to get lots of writing time in during the drive there and back.

I really do love reading your the reviews you leave....hint, hint, hint :)


	35. Chapter 35: Uprising

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. Also welcome to the new readers and those that have added this story to Alerts/Favorites. **

**I've decided to stop putting a time frame on getting chapters out. It seems like every time I do that, I fail to meet the deadline. So I'm just going to write and post as the story comes to me. **

**This chapter didn't accomplish everything I originally intended it to, but no worries, I think you'll be pleased in the direction it took. I've already got a great outline for the next few chapters. I'm looking forward to fleshing them out.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. I didn't spend much time editing so please forgive any mistakes.**

**Chapter 35: Uprising**

**BPOV**

I woke up determined and resolved. Enough was enough. I didn't need to wait any longer. I jumped out of bed fully awake and ready to face the day...much to Alice's surprise. I'm typically not a morning person and I've been extra cranky this week, due to not seeing Edward as well as dealing with my inner demons. She looked at me with big expectant eyes but I didn't give in. I knew what I had to do. I sat down at my computer, accessed my school account, and started sending emails. I had too much to do today to worry about class. Yes classes are important but what I had to do today would hopefully impact the rest of my life, for the better. Missing a few classes didn't even compare to what could happen if I put this off any longer. I called Dr. Smithwick, since she was now my advisor, and explained what was going on. She readily agreed to talk to the professors in my music classes so that I wouldn't be penalized for the missed classes. She told me to send them an email informing them of my absence and she would handle the rest. After contacting the appropriate professors, I emailed Katie.

_Katie Bug,_

_First of all...Thank you. I cannot tell you how much my birthday present means to me. I laughed and cried but you knew that I would. Jake loved it by the way. And you were right, he was right beside me the whole time. Even when I kicked him out of my room, he never left my suite. My roommate, Alice, adored the scrapbook and can't wait to meet you. And I can't wait for you to meet my new friends. I promise, I'm going to do better. Your letter, well that was the final kick in the ass I needed to get myself in line. I suspect you knew that would happen as well. I'll call you tonight. Hopefully I'll have a lot of news to share with you. Thank you for not giving up on me. I promise, I'll make you proud of me._

_Love you,_

_Bella Bean_

Alice was standing behind me, brushing my hair, when she squealed.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to read over your shoulder. But honestly, you scared the hell out of me when you jumped out of bed. Scared the hell out of me and thrilled me all at the same time. I can see the look of determination on your face. So what's going on with you?" Alice said apologetically and hopeful all at the same time.

I knew it would be hard to explain everything to her, so I pulled out Katie's letter and handed it to her.

"Read this and then I'll explain."

She tried to decline saying that it was something personal and private but I assured her that I wanted her to read it. She was crying by the time she reached the end and nearly tackled me in a hug.

"So, Katie gave me a verbal lashing, as you can see. She always has a way of making me see things more clearly. Especially things that I am having a hard time accepting. It's scary how well she knows me. My mind wouldn't shut off last night. I went to sleep confused and angry at myself but woke up with a feeling of hope and determination. Alice, I know what I have to do and hopefully it will help me move on from the shit that happened in Phoenix."

"Do tell. I like determined Bella."

"First, I'm blowing off my classes today. I have much more important business to attend to. Second, I'm calling Dr. Kym as soon as her office opens. I need to talk to her before moving ahead with the rest of my plans. Thirdly, it's time. I don't need to wait until Friday. I'm going to find Edward today and put an end to this dance we've been doing. Life is too short and we are both too old to for this crap. And lastly, I have a trip to plan."

I started laughing because I swear, Alice was wearing off on me. I don't think I took one breath during that spill.

"Wow Bella. Slow down." And that made me laugh even harder.

"That coming from you...well Alice, that's just priceless." I smiled and she frowned before bursting into laughter herself.

"Well when you get your mind set on something, you're like a stem roller. Where are you planning on going?"

"Phoenix." I stated and for once didn't feel anxious at the mention of my old home. But Alice turned white as a ghost.

"Are you serious? Bella, are you ready for that?" Concerned coated her face.

"I don't know if I'm ready but it's something I have to do. I can't move on until I put to rest some demons that reside there. I need to visit Elizabeth. I have things that I need to say to her parents. I have to see Katie and her parents, but above all else, I just need to face my fear of the place. It's just a place and for a long time, it was my happy place, my very favorite place in the world. I made lifelong friends there, my interest in music started there. It's where my grandparents lived and they were two of the most important people in the world to me. I can't let that sick bastard ruin all the great memories I have of the time I spent in Arizona. It isn't fair and I refuse to let him have any more control over my life."

I didn't realize how cathartic it would be to get all of that off my chest, but I felt light and happy. Alice enveloped me in another monster hug that someone her size shouldn't be able to give.

"Bella, do you want me to go with you? I mean, I know we haven't known each other long, but I'm here if you need me and I would gladly go with you to lend you support."

Truth is, I had already thought of asking either Alice or Edward to go with me but I knew this was something I needed to do by myself. Well not entirely. Jake would go with me. That was a given.

"I really appreciate the offer. And just because we haven't known each other long doesn't mean you aren't one of the most important people in my life. I can't imagine my life without you. But as much as I would love to have you come with me, this is something I need to take care of by myself. I need to make peace with my old life before introducing my new life to my past."

"I'm assuming Jake will be going with you?" And there was no hurt or accusation in her voice.

"Yes, he'll be going with me. Although he doesn't know it yet." I laughed and she joined in.

"I hope you don't think I'm making light of your offer Alice. It's just, Jake has to make peace with things too. He doesn't show it, but he has some demons that need to be laid to rest as well. This is something we need to do alone, but together. Something that I need to do to truly move on."

"Oh sweetie, I understand completely. I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you if you need me. So when are you going to try to go back?"

"I want to talk to Dr. Kym first and then I'll need to talk to my mom, but I was thinking maybe fall break. That will give me a few weeks to plan and prepare. I've already planned to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas in Forks, so it just makes sense to go in October over the long weekend. But honestly, the sooner the better. I'm ready, well as ready as I'll ever be."

After talking to Alice, it was still too early to call Dr. Kym's office, but I knew I needed to speak to her as soon as possible. So I pulled out my phone and scrolled down to her name. She had given me her cell number and told me to call her at any time. I never thought I'd actually use it but I really needed to see her. I held my breath while pushing the send button. She picked up on the second ring.

"This is Dr. Kym."

"Dr. Kym, this is Bella Swan. I'm so sorry to call you so early and on your personal number..." I started but she cut me off before I could finish my thought.

"Bella, is everything okay? It's perfectly fine that you called me on this number. That's why I gave it to you."

"I'm not sure if everything is okay, but it's getting there. That's why I really need to see you today if it's at all possible. I know I have an appointment scheduled for Friday but I'l really like to see you today."

"Has something happened?" She asked in her best concerned doctor's voice, only it wasn't an act. She really cared.

"A lot has happened actually. Nothing bad, good things actually. But they've made me come to a few realizations and I need to talk to you about them. They have to do with Phoenix as well as Edward. I've made some decisions but I really need to know if my decisions will set me back in my recovery. I don't think they will but you're the professional." I laughed and she joined in.

"Well you are your own best judge so if you think you can handle these decisions, I don't doubt you. But I would be more than happy to sit down and talk and then offer you my professional opinion."

"Thank you so much."

"No problem. That's what I'm here for. Can you come into the office around 11? I had a last minute cancellation yesterday."

"That sounds perfect. Thanks again and I'll see you at 11."

At least that was one thing I could mark off my list. I knew I needed to call Jake to give him a heads up about our trip home. He wouldn't argue with me about it, but he deserved an advanced warning. I knew he would just be getting out of bed for his morning classes, so I took the chance and gave him a call. When I explained what I wanted to do, he was hesitant. It wasn't that he didn't want to go with me; he was just worried what going back there would do to me. After I explained that it was only a tentative plan and that I was meeting with Dr. Kym to discuss pro's and con's before making my final decision, he readily agreed to go. Neither of us had very much money but I knew my mom and Phil would pay for our airline tickets, especially if she knew the purpose behind the trip. I would call her later today depending on how my session went. Then I'd have to guilt Jake into letting them pay for his ticket. He is so stubborn sometimes.

Alice and I got ready for the day and then walked to the cafeteria to have breakfast. Angela and Rosalie joined us. They could tell that something monumental had happened but never asked about it. Instead they made me promise to have a girls night soon since Rose decided that I needed to learn that I was a beautiful, sexy, fun loving, confident woman. Her words...not mine. I knew I had a lot to do this week and weekend. First I had to get through today. I had promised to cook sometime soon for everyone and we also needed to get together to talk about my birthday weekend. I knew Alice was about to crawl out of her skin to find out what everyone really thought.

We would have done that on Sunday had Edward and I not jumped to conclusions...which set into motion the whole Jessica fiasco and the spilling of our souls. I can't say I regret that though. It's still hard to believe that it's only been a few days since everything happened.

Alice offered to leave her car with me so I'd have a way to get to my appointment. I was reluctant to take the keys but she insisted. And when Alice insists on anything, you can't turn it down. So I took her keys and sent up a prayer to the gods above that I didn't mess up her car. After getting back to the room, I had a few hours to kill. I could have gone to class, but I needed to focus on the multiple very important upcoming conversations I was going to participate in today. I needed to calm my nerves and knew just the person to call. Just as I was getting ready to call my dad, my phone beeped, alerting me to a text.

_Is it Friday yet?_

_~Edward_

I smiled. He was just as eager for this ban to be over as I was. Little did he know, it would be over a lot sooner than Friday. At least I hoped it would. I would make more solid plans after talking with Dr. Kym.

Sorry. Not Friday yet. But soon. I promise.

~Bella

_So you can make time speed up? Didn't realize that was one of your talents._

_~Edward_

Well I can't spill all my secrets. Gotta keep something a mystery. How else would I keep people interested?

~Bella

_You're kidding right? I can't seem to keep my mind off you, no matter what I'm doing. Trust me, you have no problem holding anyone's interest...especially mine._

_~Edward_

And there goes that swoon again. I'm starting to think that the AMA needs to do research on this condition. They could call it Swoonwarding. Symptoms consists of light headiness, increased heart rate, foggy brain, sweaty palms, achy lady parts...did I just think that? Causes...Edward Cullen's voice, eyes, mouth, body. Yep. They could just put a picture of Edward up beside the symptoms and description and then everyone would understand. At least the female population would...and some of the male population as well.

You sure know how to make a girl feel special!!!

~Bella

_It's my goal in life to always make you feel special._

_~Edward_

Swoonwarding commences again...NOW.

Once I was able to think straight again I asked how his day was shaping up and he told me he had an appointment late this afternoon but other than a few classes, he had no plans. I seriously thought about tracking him down and just laying it all on the line, but I knew I needed to talk to Dr. Kym first. So after a few more minutes of banter I told him I needed to go.

I was much more relaxed after my text conversation with Edward, but I still wanted and needed to call my dad. I wasn't sure of his schedule so I tried the station first. I wasn't surprised when he was there; that place truly is his first home when I'm not visiting.

"Hey dad."

"Hey sweetheart. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, actually they are. I just wanted to talk to you and get your opinion on some things that have been swimming around in my head."

"Sure things Bells, just tell me what you're thinking."

I proceeded to tell him about the past few days and the revelations I've had. He listened without interruption and only spoke if I asked him a direct question. It took me about 15 minutes to get through what I needed to say. He was quiet for a bit after I finished. I was starting to worry but he finally spoke.

"Bella. I am so proud of you. You are acting with a maturity that is beyond your years. I know it hasn't been easy for you these past two years. You've endured more than anyone should have to. I've been so worried about you but I can honestly say that moving to Washington has been the best thing for you. I know that group of friends you've made has a lot to do with it and I'm eternally grateful for them."

"Me too dad. I don't think I would have made the progress I have without them."

"I agree, but baby, don't give them all the credit. If you hadn't been open and willing to really start putting things behind you and moving on, well there wouldn't have been anything any of them could have done to help you along."

"So you don't think it's a mistake for me to go back to Phoenix so soon?"

"I trust you and if you think you are up for it, then you are. I just have one request...well more like a demand. I want to come with you. No arguments. You may be a grown up, but I'm still your dad. I know Jake is going to be going with you, I never doubted that for a second. But I want to come too. Plus, I'd like to see Billy."

I had a feeling he threw in that part about Billy to really soften me up. I can't deny that those two need to catch up and they always have such fun when they are together.

"Okay dad. You can come if I do go. I still need to talk with Dr. Kym and then talk with mom to make sure she and Phil will are okay with it."

We talked a little more about potential dates before he broached the subject of Jessica and what happened on Sunday. He just told me to keep a journal with any and all interactions with her. He also told me to pass that along to Edward. I was to report anything and everything back to him. He still was pissed that she hit me although he kept telling me that I did the right thing by walking away. But I could still tell that he was having trouble acting as a police officer as opposed to my father.

I originally planned to wait until after talking with Dr. Kym before calling my mom but I still had some time to kill and I knew I couldn't just sit still. She answered the phone right away and immediately started questioning me. I told her all about the rest of my birthday weekend, about what happened with Jessica, my talk with Edward, and then my revelations. She ohhhed and awwed at all the right places and of course got pissed when I told her that I got slapped. She praised me on my mature reaction, asked me how Charlie reacted to it all, and then questioned me on what was going on with me and Edward. After I got all of that out of the way, I told her that I wanted to come back for a few days. She was a little hesitant at first but once I explained why I needed to do this, she was on board. Even more so when she found out Jake and my dad would be coming.

She offered to buy our plane tickets before I could even ask, and I was grateful for that. I know she's my mom but I still feel like I should be able to do these things for myself. She knew this and assured me that she and Phil would pay whatever it took for me to put the past behind me. That plane tickets were a small cost to ensure my happy future. She even offered to buy Charlie's but I didn't think he'd go for that. Instead she said she'd talk to Phil about getting tickets for a game so Charlie and Billy could hang out. That my dad would go for. I promised to call her as soon as I got out of my appointment with Dr. Kym.

I hung up feeling refreshed and loved. I know I have a wonderful support system but sometimes it's easy to forget just how much my family loves me. I couldn't help but think back to my dark days. Feelings of shame course through my veins whenever I think about that period. I literally shut everyone and everything out. That's not just a metaphor. I barricaded myself in my room; keeping the windows locked, the blinds shut, and the curtains closed. I locked myself in my room, only coming out when absolutely necessary, which wasn't often considering there was a bathroom attached to my room. The only reason Jake was allowed to be around me was because he was too stubborn to leave or give up on me. He was also the only one willing to call me on my shit. I remember the day he finally had had enough.

_There was a knock on my door, but like always I ignored it. If it were mom or Phil, they wouldn't push. Mom got tired of trying to force me out of the room so she just started leaving food by the door a few times a day in hopes that I would at least eat. I don't know how or why, but I held back my mental breakdown until after graduation. Up until that point I had gone to school and functioned the best I could. But I think the tribute to Elizabeth during the ceremony push me over the edge. Everything came crashing down on me and I decided I'd dealt with enough already and just retreated into myself, shutting everyone and everything out. Jake had had enough._

"_Isabella Marie Swan...stop ignoring me. Open the goddamn door."_

_I ignored him. _

_I could hear him pacing up and down the hall and quietly whispering to someone else. After five minutes or so he started again._

"_Bella, you can't do this. You can't handle this on your own. Shutting yourself up is not the answer. I know this sucks and I know that you are hurting beyond belief, but you aren't the only one suffering sweetie. You aren't the only one who has suffered a loss. Don't make it worse by making us lose you too."_

_I ignored him. _

_For over an hour he never left or gave up. He kept up a constant stream of encouragement. He also told me that everyone needed me and how much I was hurting those that loved me. Finally he had enough and I knew it._

"_Fuck this. If you won't open this damn door, then I'll open it for you." _

_And with that he burst through my door...my very locked door. I cringed away from the light that filtered in my room. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust but when I did, I felt the weight of what I'd been putting my family through crush me. My mom, Phil, my dad, and Billy were all standing behind Jake. In that moment, I knew I needed to at least try to function, if not for my own sake, at least theirs. _

I truly knew that I had made tremendous strides in recovering since that day. It didn't happen over night by any means. I started out with baby steps. First keeping my door shut but not locked. Jake started spending every free moment he had with me, to the point that he practically lived with me. It took me a long time to venture out of the house, but little by little I started crawling out of that dark hole I had buried myself in. I started healing that day, slowly but still making progress. I knew I wasn't completely healed. I'm not stupid so I know I'll never completely heal; I'll never have Elizabeth back, but I can learn to deal with what happened and live a happy life.

I was so lost in my memories; I didn't even notice that I only had a little time before my appointment. I grabbed the letter, scrapbook, and my iPod and stuffed them in my messenger bag. I made sure I had my wallet and the keys to Alice's car and then sprinted out of the room. Luck was on my side; there was hardly any traffic to speak of between the campus and the office. I made it to Dr. Kym's office with five minutes to spare, including the time it took to park. It felt weird driving in Seattle, something I hadn't done since moving him. It was liberating. I briefly thought about talking to mom, dad, and Phil about getting a car. Something else I had been reluctant to do since James screwed me up. Boy when I put my mind to facing my demons; I go all out.

For the first time since starting therapy, I was actually looking forward to my session, and even hoping that I may be able to spend more than my usual hour with Dr. Kym. I was a ball of energy...nervous, excited, anticipatory, anxious, fear...you name it and I'm pretty sure it was linger in my veins somewhere. I literally felt like I was vibrating, wondering if this was the way Alice felt all the time.

By the time I reached the lobby of Dr. Kym's office, I didn't think I'd be able to sit down. Thankfully she was already at the front desk waiting for me. At first I saw concern creep in her eyes as she watched my peculiar behavior, but as soon as our eyes met and I smiled, she relaxed and smiled right back. I think she knew that today would be pivotal in my recovery. She waved me over to join her as we started towards her office. She hadn't even shut the door to her office when I connected my iPod to her dock. The song was already queued up.

"Ready to go today I see." Dr. Kym stated in amusement.

"You have no idea." I grinned.

"Well hit play and have a seat."

I did as she asked and sat down in the big comfy chair she had in her office as the first verse of 'Fly' filtered through the room.

_In a moment, everything can change,_

_Feel the wind on your shoulder,_

_For a minute, all the world can wait,_

_Let go of your yesterday._

Dr. Kym listened intently and started smiling as the first stanza closed. She was catching on.

_Can you hear it calling?_

_Can you feel it in your soul?_

_Can you trust this longing?_

_And take control,_

_Fly_

_Open up the part of you that wants to hide away_

_You can shine,_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try, cause it's your time,_

_Time to fly._

The smile on her face had doubled in size after listening to the chorus of the song. This really was the perfect song for my session today. More than that, I believe this is my new anthem for my life.

We listened to the next verse as well as the chorus and I could feel the excitement and anticipation rolling from her. This was what she had been waiting for. She had only been my therapist a short time but she was fully aware of the situation and everything that I had been through. Dr. Kym had spent many hours in correspondence with Dr. Leslie so she would fully understand my case. Today would be a victorious day in the recovery of Bella Swan.

_And when you're down and feel alone,_

_Just want to run away,_

_Trust yourself and don't give up,_

_You know you better than anyone else_

The last line of that stanza got me a wink and a smirk from Dr. Kym as I recalled her words from earlier today. '_Well you are your own best judge so if you think you can handle these decisions, I don't doubt you.' _And for the first time in a long time, I believed that about myself. We listened to the rest of the song and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace settle over me.

_In a moment, everything can change,_

_Feel the wind on your shoulder,_

_For a minute, all the world can wait,_

_Let go of yesterday,_

_Fly_

_Open up the part of you that wants to hide away_

_You can shine,_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try,_

_Fly_

_Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,_

_And start to try, cause it's your time,_

_Time to fly._

_In a moment, everything can change. _

The feelings of rightness, hope, satisfaction, and determination only multiplied as I looked at my therapist. She looked more content in that moment than I had ever seen her look. She didn't move a muscle as the last notes of the song echoed throughout the room. We sat in silence for several minutes just taking in the significance of the moment. I hadn't uttered a single word to indicate what I needed to talk to her about, but she knew. She was the first to break the contemplative silence.

"In a moment, everything can change. Despite my many years in this profession, I have never considered the weight of those six words. Such a simple statement but the ramifications of it are immense. The truth behind those words is profound. The reality is quite shocking. Thank you for bringing that song to my attention. I can only hope that my other patients are able to come to me with that song in their heart."

We sat in companionable silence a bit longer before she spoke again.

"Not to jump the gun, but is it safe to assume from that song that you have decided to...well...fly?"

"Yes." And I never thought such a simple word could bring so much happiness.

"Bella, I am so proud of you. I don't know what happened to you over the last few days but I thank the stars above that it did. Because whatever it was sure lit a fire under you."

"Well let's just say I've had a busy few days. Busy doesn't quite capture it. It's been a roller coaster; lots of ups and downs, scary moments, moments filled with panic, others filled with pure exhilaration. But in the end; completely and totally worth it."

"Great analogy Bella. I have a feeling we are going to have an excellent session today. I know you have a lot to tell but let's start at the beginning. I want you to tell me everything and then we'll talk."

So I did. I don't know how long I talked, at least an hour or more. I told her all about my birthday weekend; the wonderful dinner with my family and friends, the completely over the top presents, the spa day spent with the girls, the night out on the town...leaving out the under aged drinking thing and the pole dancing. There were just some things my therapist didn't need to know. I then told her all about the misunderstanding that occurred between Edward and I and the resulting afternoon; leaving out Edward's story. I knew she was his therapist too, but I didn't feel comfortable rehashing his story with her. I then went into detail about the understanding and agreement that Edward and I had come to.

I slowed down long enough to pull the scrapbook and letter out of my messenger back. I knew it would be important for her to see and read these things so she could fully understand what was going on in my head. It was then that I noticed the time.

"Oh Dr. Kym. I'm so sorry. My hour is already up." I couldn't believe that I had talked the entire time and hadn't even gotten a chance to ask my questions.

"Don't worry Bella. I don't have any appointments until later in the day. I had a feeling something big was going on with you so I made some extra time in my schedule today."

"Wow! Thank you so much."

"That's what I'm here for sweetie. Now go on and tell me the rest."

"Well why don't you look at this while I wrap up." I said while handing her the scrapbook.

"My friend Katie made this for me for my birthday. This is part of the catalyst and I think you should see it. If you don't want to look at it all, I understand but I guess the main thing to focus on is that this depicts who I was before the incident. This details the bond that Katie, Elizabeth, Jake, and myself have shared since childhood."

She moved to a couch that was by the bay window in her office and motioned for me to join her. It didn't take long to finish telling her about the night I opened my gift from Katie. We spent some time going through the book and I answered the questions she posed. She kept her inquiries to the book she was looking at. She smiled and laughed a lot, just like Jake, Alice, and I had done. And just as the three of us had done the night I opened it, she stopped and cried for Elizabeth when she came to her memorial page.

"This is such a wonderful gift Bella. To have your many years of friendship documented this way is truly priceless."

I couldn't have agreed more.

"There's more. Katie also wrote me a letter. For some reason she has always been able to make me open my eyes and see things differently. It's easier for you to read the letter than it is for me to explain it."

I handed her the letter and watched as she read it. There was quite a range of emotions the flickered over her face and by the time she laid it down, I was a bit concerned. In true doctor fashion, she sat in silent contemplation for a few moments before speaking.

"Your friend is very wise. She certainly has your number and her advice was spot on. I'm guessing this letter is what pushed you over the edge so to speak?"

"It wasn't the only thing but it was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. She's always had a way of kicking me in the ass."

I laughed and Dr. Kym joined in.

"So Bella. What is it that you want to talk to me about?"

"Where do I start...there's quite a bit actually. There are so many things that I need to talk to you about. I know I need to move past what happened, really put it behind me, and start living. But I feel like everyone is waiting for the old Bella, pre-James Bella, to reappear. That will never happen. That Bella was naive and hadn't been through all the emotional, mental, and physical shit that I went through. There are things from that Bella that I don't want to lose but I'll never be that person again. I want to figure out how to merge the old Bella and the new Bella to become a better Bella. Does that even make sense?"

"Complete sense. We'll talk about that in time. What else is there?"

"I need to figure out how to truly rid myself of the guilt I continue to harbor. I need to let everyone I love know just how much their love and support has meant to me. I must talk to Elizabeth's parents as well as Katie and her parents. But the hardest thing of all...I have to go back to Phoenix and confront my demons head on. It's time for me to stop running and start confronting. I can't let what he did to me keep me away from the place that was my everything for so long. I have too many wonderful memories that I can't and don't want to forget about. It's where I met my best friends, where my grandparents lived, where I fell in love with music. There is too much good there for me to run away from it out of fear."

Dr. Kym was writing like a mad woman on her notebook. I also noticed that she had her trusty recorder perched on the table next to us. I needed to get everything out, so I just kept on talking, taking the conversation in the direction of Edward.

"Edward and I had some pretty in depth discussions about each of our pasts. It's amazing the connection we feel between the two of us. For a long time I didn't think I deserved that, but I know now that I do. We decided to take until Friday to think about each other's story and to process what being in a relationship would entail and be like for us. But I don't want to wait until Friday. I know it's only two days away, but why wait. Sometimes I think I over analyze everything and don't use my heart enough. I honestly believe that Edward can and will be a major part of my life...if not the biggest part of my life. That's hard for me to process because we haven't known each other very long, but the way I feel about him. Well I just can't put it into words. But I am afraid."

"What are you afraid of?"

And I didn't hesitate to answer. It was time to lay everything out on the table for her.

"Intimacy. Not on a mental or emotional level. I think I actually crave that type of intimacy. But what I'm afraid of is the purely physical kind. It still scares the living day lights out of me."

"Why is that?"

"I may be a mature adult...most of the time. But when it comes to the physical aspects of relationships, I'm completely an adolescent. While in high school, I didn't date. I was in one relationship when I was a freshman. He was older and popular and I was awe struck. Found out some time later that he was cheating on me...with several girls. We never did anything more than some kissing. After that I decided not to waste my time and focused on music, family, and friends. Edward and I have shared a few kisses and while I have the urge to want more, I'm hesitant. I'm so scared that once things start to progress, I'll be thrown into a flashback. I've blocked out so much of what James did to me. I know he didn't rape me, but I do know that he sexually assaulted me. I know Edward well enough to know that should something trigger a panic attack, he'll blame himself and then retreat. I just want to be a normal 20 year old who doesn't have to worry about freaking out if her boyfriend tries for more than a kiss." I flushed scarlet at this admission, not believing that I had actually vocalized this.

"Bella, it's okay. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I am beyond thrilled that you are able to talk to me about all of this. I promise, I will help you in any way I can, to overcome whatever obstacles are placed in your path of recovery. I know all of these things are important to you, but as your therapist, I have to prioritize them in relation to your recovery. This is how I want to proceed." And she laid her list down on the table so I could read along as she talked.

_**1) Reconnect and talk to those involved / Going back to Phoenix.**_

_**2) Releasing the burden of guilt.**_

_**3) Relationship with Edward**_

_**4) Intimacy issues**_

_**5) Merging "old" Bella into "new" Bella**_

"Now I want to explain this list. Before you can finally let go of the guilt, I have a feeling there are things you need to say to all those involved first. So I totally agree that you should go back to where it all started...Phoenix. You are right to focus on the good and happiness it brought to your life. It will make the trip so much easier. Once you have made peace with everyone you feel you need to talk to, then you can start letting go of the guilt. I think you'll be surprised at just how quickly things will start progressing once you have taken step one. Now there is one thing that I want to ask you to do. It doesn't have to be anytime soon because I know this is going to be hard for you. I want you to write a letter to James. He is the one person you won't get to confront, other than inside the walls of a courtroom."

I couldn't help the bile I felt churning in my stomach. Could I really write him a letter? Could I really take the time to write down anything to this person who took so much from not only me but my family and friends? Dr. Kym must have seen the panic on my face because she quickly continued.

"The letter will never been seen by anyone other than myself and you, unless you chose to share. But like I said, we have time before I want you to do that. Back to your trip; I think you are strong enough for this. You could suffer a setback, panic attacks, etc. but you will never know until you try and it's better to find out sooner than later. Even if you have a set back from going, in the bigger picture, it's truly a step forward."

I nodded and swallowed down the anxiety that was trying to creep up. I knew I was ready to go back, but now I had no legitimate reason not to follow through. And I wouldn't let my fear control me any longer.

"I think it is wonderful that you are finally seeing your self worth and are willing to start a relationship with someone, but please don't let it deter you from goals 1 & 2. I'm not going to tell you to wait until you take your trip and lay those demons in Phoenix to rest before making things official with Edward. I'm not crazy enough to suggest that to you." She said as she smirked at me.

"But I will caution you to let him in on what you are going to do. You'll need the support for one and two, if you truly want a healthy relationship with him, you'll need to be honest with him. Take things slow, and I'm not talking about physically. Relationships need a strong foundation. Don't try to mold what you and Edward have into what you perceive a relationship should be. That brings us to the intimacy issue. That will come in time. Again, don't rush things. I have a few ideas but I want to hear what you think first. You know yourself better than anyone else."

I told her about my talks with Alice, Jake, and Jasper. She considered each piece of information I gave her and then pointed out the positives of each. Surprisingly, she agreed with quite a bit of what Jacob had suggested. I knew he would be totally amused at that. She also offered a few suggestions and asked that, if it were possible, that I talk to her before we took any major steps into the physical aspect. I brought up the idea of having a few joint sessions with Edward and I. She could help us not only build a strong foundation but also deal with the intimacy issues that we both had. She agreed saying that as long as Edward and I both agreed, then there was no problem.

"When will we work on number 5?" I asked hesitantly because I was ready for that one to happen.

"Bella, that is one that we won't have to work on specifically. Once you do the other things on that list...well hopefully you'll be the person you want to be. You'll have the parts of the old Bella that you want to keep, having shed the negative parts. You'll have the attributes of the new Bella as well. Once you find the peace you are searching for, the two parts of you will easily come together and you will be whole again." She smiled at me.

I couldn't help the tears that fell down my face. I felt peace and contentment flood my very soul. It wouldn't be an easy road but it was a passable one and one that I was anxious to travel down. Before I knew it, we had spent nearly three hours talking. I apologized profusely for taking up so much of her time, but she simply waved me off and told me it was days like today that made her love her job so much. I promised to call her if things got to be too much before my next appointment. I also gave her permission to fill in Dr. Leslie on the progress. I decided I'd have to pay her a visit when I went to Phoenix as well. If not for her, I would have never fallen into the very capable hands of Dr. Kym.

I left her office with pep in my step and a heart that was tons lighter. I was lost in thought when my cell phone alerted me to a new text message.

_Just wanted to say hi and to let you know I'm thinking of you._

_~E_

You are just too sweet. I miss you and can't wait to see you.

~B

_I try. Two more days…I wish they would hurry up._

_~E_

Patience young one; good things come to those who wait.

~B

_You're killing me Swan._

_~E_

Oh don't be so dramatic. I promise to see you soon.

~B

_I hope so. I really do miss you. Be safe._

_~E_

There goes that damn swooning again. I called Jake while driving back to campus and asked him to meet me for an afternoon snack. I knew he was free most of the afternoon and I really wanted to talk to him about our trip to Phoenix. I knew he would go with me regardless of how he felt but I wanted to make sure he was really okay with it. Alice was waiting for me when I got back to the room. I knew she'd want to know how my session went so I invited her to join Jake and me. She's already eaten but she could never turn down ice cream. Jake was waiting for us in front of the cafeteria when we got there.

After getting our ice cream and finding a table that was out of the way, they both stared at me in expectation. It was slightly unnerving, but I knew they were just concerned about how my session went.

"You both can calm down. It went well, really well actually, and I feel…, well calm, elated, peaceful, determined, happy, anxious. I'm feeling way too much, but it's a good thing."

Alice and Jake wore matching smiles. I wanted to tell them what Dr. Kym and I had talked about, but first I wanted to get Jake's opinion on our trip.

"I know you both are anxious to hear about what happened but first, Jake are you sure you don't mind going back to Phoenix with me?"

"Not at all Bells. I've really missed everyone, especially my dad. Plus, I think there are some things I need to put to rest there as well." He said, giving me a knowing look. He knew there was more to this trip than just what I needed to do and I was glad for the connection we have always had. I didn't want to call him out on things if he hadn't already realized that he had demons there as well.

"Okay, well now that that is settled, mom and Phil are going to buy our plane tickets and before you start in on it Jake, they want to. You've never allowed them to express their gratitude to you for the way you helped me through everything. And if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be taking this trip back, so just shut up and accept it." I smiled.

"Bella, they don't owe me anything for being there for you. I did that because I wanted to…I needed to."

"I know that and so do they, but please just let it go. Don't throw a fit over this. I need you there with me and I don't want this hanging over our heads."

"For you Bells. I'll be a good boy." He smirked.

I spent the next hour going over everything that happened in therapy; including the list that Dr. Kym had written. Jake looked somewhat guilty when I started talking about the 'old' Bella and how I'd never be that person again. When I asked him about it he apologized for trying to mold me back into that person. Stating that he never even considered that reverting back to the way I used to be was going to be impossible because of what happened. I hated to see him looking so glum so I did the best I could to reassure him that there was no way he could have known that. It had taken me a while to figure it out for myself. He finally seemed to understand and I could see the apprehension melt away from his eyes.

They were both relieved and excited when I told them that I planned to see Edward tonight instead of waiting until Friday. Alice gave me an 'I told you so look' before filling Jake in on the meaning behind it. Of course he laughed and said he never thought I'd make it that long but was too chicken shit to say anything to me about it. Yep, he still remembers how hard I can actually hit.

I was tempted to blow off the rest of my afternoon plans and immediately go find Edward. But I knew there were three other people I needed to get things straight with before I did that. If I went after Edward now, the other phone calls would not happen today, and they had to. I kissed Jake on the cheek before heading back to the room with Alice. Without even having to ask her for some privacy, she packed up her books and said she was heading to the library and would be there for a few hours.

I called both my dad and mom and filled them in on my therapy session. They were both pleased with the progress I was making and thrilled that I had the strength to face my demons. Mom was going to call Charlie so they could coordinate the flight information. The plan was for Charlie to drive to Seattle and fly out with me and Jake. We were planning to leave after classes on the Wednesday before Fall Break started and to arrive back in Seattle late Sunday afternoon. Four days should give me plenty of time to see everyone that I needed to see and do everything that I needed to do.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts before making the most difficult phone call of the day. I hadn't talked to Katie since I left Phoenix. We've exchanged emails but I haven't been able to bring myself to physically talk to her. I was scared and I felt guilty about leaving her behind. I knew this was one of the things I needed to work on. I took one final cleansing breath and hit the send button.

She answered on the second ring and I could already hear the emotion in her voice. She must have checked her caller ID before answering. All it took for me to break down was the quiver in her voice when she first spoke. I knew I had hurt her by shutting her out. It started long before my move to Washington too. It really started after Elizabeth's funeral. Even after we reconnected during the trial, things were never the same…not even close. It only took seconds for me to realize all the mistakes I had made with our friendship.

"_Bella Bean? I've been waiting for your call."_

It took me a few more moments to calm down enough to speak.

"Hey Katie Bug. I'm so sorry."

I didn't have to elaborate on what I was sorry for. She would know.

"_Hey now. None of that. We don't need to focus on the past right now. I just want to know how you're doing."_

"Oh Katie, how can you be so accommodating to me. I've been a terrible friend to you."

"_No you haven't. You're human; a human who has gone through quite a traumatic experience."_

"So have you and yet, you're still you." I couldn't think of anything more articulate to say.

"_Sweetie, there are things that we both need to say to one another, but I'm going to be selfish for now and tell you to shut up. I want to talk about how you are doing now; about your new friends, Jake's girlfriend…your love life." _She giggled.

And that's all it took to break me out of my self-deprecation. She was right. We did have a lot to talk about and we would do that as soon as I got to Phoenix. We spent the next two hours talking like no time at all had passed between us. I did as she requested and told her all about my life in Washington. We spoke at length about Alice and Katie was anxious for the opportunity to meet her. I almost caved and thought about asking Alice to come with me in a few weeks, but I knew as much as I love Alice, she would ultimately be a distraction to what I needed to do.

I answered all her questions about Jake and Angela and I could hear the pure joy for Jake in her voice. When the topic of conversation turned to Edward, it was as if someone unleashed the flood gates. I could not shut up about him and Katie thought it was hilarious. I kept asking her what was so funny and it took her a few minutes to stop laughing for her to explain.

"_Bella, I've known you for nearly your entire life and I have NEVER heard you gush about anyone that way, especially a guy. You never seemed interested in the opposite sex, except Paul, and we all know how that turned out." _She ended with bitterness in her voice.

"_I just think it's wonderful. I really can't wait to meet Edward. I think I have a lot to thank him for."_

I admitted that I really did want her to meet not only Alice and Edward, but Rose, Angela, Emmett, and Jasper as well.

She then told me something that nearly made me cry.

"_Well now that I know all about your happiness, I think it's time I share. I've met someone and he is the greatest guy I've ever known; well except for Jake."_ She laughed.

She told me all about how she and Ryan met. They met the first day of classes at the campus bookstore. She was having trouble reaching a book and he took the time to stop and help her. He ended up helping her get everything on her list and then insisted on walking her to her next class, which coincidently, they shared. By the end of the first week of classes, they had exchanged phone numbers and made plans to get together over the weekend. They've been inseparable ever since. I couldn't help the face splitting grin that was plastered across my face. I was always worried that people would treat her differently because she was in a wheelchair. And she had endured some discrimination due to it, but for the most part, people were able to look past her handicap and really see Katie for the wonderful person she was and continues to be.

I was excited to meet him and told her as much. This lead into the topic of me coming back to Phoenix in a few weeks. She was more concerned about it than I would have thought. After I explained that I had already talked to my therapist and then explained why I needed to do this, she seemed to relax. She was extremely excited that she would get to see me and Jake in a few short weeks.

Nearly two hours after I hit the send button on my cell, I hung up. Talking to Katie only cemented the fact that I had to go back to Phoenix. There were too many things that had loose ends and they needed to be tied up so I could truly move on with my life; taking with me the best parts of my past and leaving the bad ones behind.

It was almost 5:30 and I knew what I needed to do next. I pulled out my cell and sent a quick text to Edward. I was ready to see him.

Are you busy? I really need to talk to you.

~B

After ten minutes, I started to get worried. Edward was always quick in responding to me.

Hope you're okay. Text me or call me when you get this. It's important.

~B

After ten more minutes, I decided to call him. Maybe his text alert wasn't catching his attention. Hopefully his ringing phone would do the job. I scrolled to his name and hit send, only to be sent straight to voicemail. I knew it was a long shot but I tried his dorm room next, no answer. Before I realized what I was doing, I grabbed my messenger bag and headed out the door. My feet were on auto pilot and I wasn't really sure where I was going until I was half way there…the music building. Of course. If he were practicing then he wouldn't hear his phone at all. It would either be off or on silent.

I made my way to the practice hall and walked slowly, hoping to catch a hint of his playing. I also checked the sign-up sheet on each door, looking for his name. I made two sweeps of the practice hall before realizing that he wasn't here. I tried his cell again and was once again directed to his voicemail. So I decided to leave a message.

"Hey Edward. It's Bella. I know we aren't supposed to talk until Friday, but I really need to see you. Don't panic, nothing has happened and nothing is wrong…well nothing bad. Please give me a call as soon as you get this. Hope to talk to you soon."

I wasn't ready to give up looking for him and I certainly wasn't ready to go back to my room so I decided to check a few more places on campus. After thoroughly exploring the library and coming up empty handed I decided to try the food court. Not seeing him there I started to aimlessly walk around campus. I tried his cell phone a few more times as well as his room phone. I was starting to get discouraged so I called Alice.

"Hey Bella. So have you made my brother the happiest guy in the world yet?"

And for some reason the tears started to fall.

"No Alice. I can't find him. I've been trying to get up with him since 5:30. I've tried texting him, calling his cell, calling his room. I've checked the music building, the library, the food court. Now I'm just wandering around campus hoping to spot him somewhere. Maybe I'm supposed to wait until Friday to see him after all."

"Oh Bella, don't cry and don't give up. Jasper's with me. Let me see if he knows if Edward had plans tonight. He may have gone to the hospital since he wasn't seeing you tonight."

Oh right…his shadowing and volunteering. How could I be so stupid and forget that?

"Jasper said that Edward didn't mention any plans for the night other than studying. Try going to his room."

"I've tried calling his room a few times but no one answered."

"Edward tends to turn off the ringer when he is studying. You should try his room. I'll keep Jasper with me until I hear from you. So don't worry about any interruptions." She giggled.

"No details required Alice. But thanks. I'll call you later. Thanks again. You can always make me feel better."

"Hey, that's what I do. Now go get him tiger."

I know the people walking by me at that moment thought I had lost my mind due to the hysterical laughter that bubbled over. I think it was just a release of all the stress and tension that had been building up, but hearing Alice call me 'tiger' just melted it all away.

Now that I had a destination, my determination was back in full force. I never considered how I would get into his building, but luck was on my side, and I was able to follow a group of girls in through the front door. I quickly took the stairs to his floor and found his room. I had to take a few deep breaths to calm down my racing heart before I knocked. My anxiety started to drift away only to be replaced by excitement as my knuckles made contact with the door. Any second now Edward would open the door and I'd finally get to see him. When the door didn't open within a few seconds, I knocked again. My nerves were starting to stretch. The longer I stood there facing the hard cold door, the tighter they were becoming. I pounded on the door one more time, just hoping that he hadn't heard me knocking the first two times. When he still didn't come to the door, I sank to the floor.

I was so ready to just be with him and stop this crazy dance we were doing. There was so much I wanted to share with him; not only about the way I felt about him but the realizations that I had come to over the past few days and my plans to deal with them. I was ready to get my life back on track. All these things were just bubbling under the surface, needing a way to escape. My nerves were now strung as tight as piano strings and I could no longer hold it together. There had been so many emotions flowing through me today; happiness, sadness, determination, anxiousness, anticipation, that the finally emotion of disappointment caused the tightly strung strings to snap.

The tears came in waves and I couldn't get them to stop. After a few minutes, I couldn't even tell you why I couldn't stop crying. Considering I was sitting on the floor in the middle of a hallway, I don't know why someone tapping me on the shoulder surprised me so much, but it did. I guess I tend to tune out everything when I get lost in my own thoughts.

"Are you okay?" A short brown hair boy asked me.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." I managed to squeak out. I knew that despite how badly I wanted to stay on this floor and wait for Edward, I needed to leave. I was just drawing unnecessary attention to myself.

"Here, let me help you up." He said as he extended his hand to me.

"Really, thank you. I'm just going to go now." I muttered as I started to walk away. I glanced back and saw the boy still watching me with a wary eye. He looked like he wanted to ask me more questions, so I rushed down the hallway.

I managed to make it to the stairwell and out of the building without running into anyone else, for which I was grateful. I'm sure I looked like hell. But I wasn't ready to go back to my room yet. I didn't want to upset Alice and I just wasn't ready to rehash the events of my afternoon yet. I noticed a picnic table off to the side of the building and decided to take a minute or two to gather my wits again. I pulled out my phone to check for any missed messages or calls and found none. My disappointment at not being able to find Edward was now turning into fear and worry. Where was he? It was not like him to not have his phone turned on and even more unusual that he hadn't answered any of my attempts to reach him.

I pulled out my iPod in hopes that music would distract me from my rampaging thoughts. Hitting the 'random' button; Muse was up first. I let the hard beats of 'Uprising' infiltrate my head and immediately started to relax. That was followed by Sir Mix A Lot and I couldn't stop laughing at the thoughts of the road trip to Forks. Etta James followed that. Talk about a whiplash music effect. But I loved it. I was finally feeling much better and had resolved to just try again tomorrow. I couldn't be mad at Edward for not being around. After all, he had no idea that I was breaking the rules. I'd made up my mind to just go back to my room after listening to one more song. That was a mistake. I should have left well enough alone. 'Fly' was the next song in queue and I literally felt frozen to the bench. The events of not only the past few days but the last 18 months came crashing back down on me. But this time the tears were cathartic. Everything fell into place. Edward would be there, no matter what. So what if I couldn't find him tonight. I should be proud of myself for the steps I was getting ready to take to fix the wrongs in my life. I should be happy about all the good things that I've been fortunate enough to receive. It shouldn't matter that things aren't going exactly the way I want them to at the moment. In the grand scheme of things, a day or two more of waiting, wouldn't change anything.

It's time for me to be strong, to pick myself up, dust off, and get moving. With my resolve firmly in place, I grabbed my iPod and stuffed it back into my messenger bag and slung it over my shoulder. My resolve was firm as I turned around, ready to walk back to my room. Firm until I heard a beautiful voice float into my ears. Firm until I looked up into the most amazing pair of green eyes God had ever created. Firm until my eyes landing on the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen. Firm until strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me into the most intimate hug I'd ever received.

"Bella?" And then my resolved cracked.

**A/N: Well what did you think? I'd love to hear your opinions, thoughts, and suggestions. **

**I started writing another story months back when I was suffering through terrible writers block on this story. I haven't posted any chapter yet. I'm hoping to get most of the story written before I start posting. That way there won't be weeks and weeks between chapter postings. **

**It's a Bella/Jacob story that I couldn't get out of my head until I got it on paper. It's called Mark of the Alpha. If anyone is interested in reading the summary, let me know. I know a lot of people don't really care for Bella/Jacob stories so I won't bore you with a summary within an A/N of this story.**

**Now, you know the drill. Reviews make me very happy and they also make me type faster...oh and just so you know...the next chapter will follow Edward and his journey over the days apart.**


	36. Chapter 36: At Last

**A/N: Well, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but no matter how many times I read and rewrite, this is what comes out...so I hope you enjoy it. Thanks so much to those who reviewed the last chapter as well as those who have added this story to their alerts/favorites.**

**Chapter 36: At Last**

**EPOV**

"Bella?" I asked again.

She seemed to be stuck in her own head and I was starting to worry. My worry quickly turned to fear as she let out gut wrenching sobs and clung to me like I was her life raft.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Talk to me!"

I was starting to panic. She wouldn't talk to me and she wouldn't look at me, keeping her face buried deep in my chest and continuing to tightened her hold on me. I don't know how long we stood there, clinging to one another, but after a while I could hear Bella mumbling. It took me a few moments but I was finally able to decipher her ramblings. 'Where were you...couldn't find you...need you...you're here.'

"Bella, please talk to me. I have to know if you're okay." I was about to reach my breaking point. I wanted to be strong for her but at the same time, my nerves were on edge.

Finally her grip on me loosened and she looked up at me through tear soaked lashes. She was passed the outright sobbing stage and was now trying to get herself under control, causing her to hiccup cry. But I could see a smile threatening to break out on her tear stained face. I could have shouted for joy when she finally stopped crying and started to talk.

"Edward, you're here." She sighed.

"Yes, I'm here. Bella, please tell me what's wrong."

"Nothings wrong Edward. Well not anymore." She said as she started to shiver.

"Let's go to my room. You're shivering and I have a feeling this may take a while. We have a lot to talk about."

In all honesty, I had no idea what was going on, how long it would take to figure out, or even if I was prepared to hear what was going on in her head. I was just so thankful that she had stopped crying and started talking, that I started rambling. But it seemed to calm her down even more.

"Thanks. I'd like that."

She slipped her arm around my waist and held on for dear life as we walked to the dorm. Bella's phone rang as we walked up the stairs.

"It's Alice. She's probably freaking out."

I didn't understand but decided not to push right now. The one sided conversation confused me.

"Hey Alice. No I'm good. Yeah, he's with me. I don't know. Haven't gotten that far yet. How long can you keep him occupied. Okay...stop right there. I don't need the details. I'll call you when I'm on my way back. If it gets too late, Jasper can crash in my bed if he wants. Again, don't need to know the details. ALICE! Yeah, okay. Love you too Ali."

She hung up shaking her head and laughing.

"Your sister doesn't know the meaning of TMI."

"What did she say now?"

"Oh, I don't think you want to know. We are talking about your _sister_ and your _roommate/friend_. Better if that conversation stays between me and Alice."

She let out a full on belly laugh at the expression on my face. I tried at all cost to avoid anything that would put those images in my head.

"Relax Edward, she was just trying to make me laugh. She's working on a project and Jasper is studying."

I pulled her closer to me as we made our way to my room.

"So can I assume that we aren't under any time constraints?"

"Nope, we can talk all night if we need to. I've got a pass on my lesson tomorrow morning should I need it."

We were in my room now and she had already made herself comfortable on my bed. I had to focus on the conversation ahead of us or my less than pure thoughts were going to get the best of me. The last time we were in my room I got the chance to kiss her and I couldn't help but hope I'd get the chance to feel her lips against mine again at some point tonight. I shook myself out of that train of though, grabbed two bottles of water and turned on my iPod, setting the volume to low. The music seemed to help Bella relax and I had a feeling she would need it for our conversation. I handed her one of the bottles and sat across from her, both of us sitting indian style.

"So, not that I mind finding you outside my dorm...although I didn't like the hysterical crying part, but why were you out there. I thought we were waiting until Friday to see each other." I knew something was wrong but I wasn't sure how else to start the discussion.

"Sorry about the crying thing. I've just had a lot going through my head today and seeing you when I had given up on finding you tonight, well it just caused me to lose it. Really, I'm so sorry for freaking you out." Her cheeks tinted pink at her embarrassment.

"Bella, please don't apologize for that. I just want to know what's going on. What happened to you today? Why were you standing outside my dorm crying?"

I thought she'd take a few minutes to gather her thoughts, as is her typical pattern, but I was wrong. She went from shy quiet Bella, to full on possessed in a matter of seconds. I saw a fire in her eyes that I had yet to be introduced to. I didn't know if I should be terrified or turned on...

"Where were you Edward? I know I don't have a right to be mad because we weren't supposed to see each other until Friday, and I'm not mad, not really, but I've spent the past few hours trying to reach you. I've called and texted your cell, called your room, searched the music building, the library, the cafeteria, walked all over campus. I even staked out your room. The only reason I left from my guard position at your door was because I didn't want to freak out any more kids with my crazy woman act. I was so worried when I couldn't reach you and that only intensified when you didn't return my calls. I came to your room hoping you were here and you never answered the door. Alice didn't know where you were and neither did Jasper. It was like you just vanished." She said in a rush.

I wanted to be angry that she was laying into me but I couldn't. It was obvious that she really needed me and she was freaked out by not being able to find me. I knew she wasn't really mad with me, she was just releasing her pent up frustration. But why hadn't I heard my phone? Oh right...I was in my appointment with Dr. Kym. I must have forgotten to turn my phone back on afterwards. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and my thoughts were confirmed.

"Shit Bella, I am so sorry. I met with Dr. Kym late this afternoon and turned my phone off. I completely forgot to turn it back on afterwards." I told her as I turned my phone on. Sure enough I had a bunch of missed calls and texts. I felt terrible for causing her to worry.

"I'm such an idiot. Edward, I'm so sorry for going all crazy fan girl on you. It's just been an emotional few days and I let everything get to me." She hung her head in shame.

"No worries sweetheart. Let's just start from the beginning. If we're being honest, I was actually planning on finding you tonight, so looks like we are on the same page."

A few minutes of awkward silence passed before she spoke.

"First I just want to thank you for going along with the temporary separation thing. Turns out that it ended up doing something much bigger for me than I originally thought. If I'm being truthful, I hardly had time to think about what we talked about on Sunday. And before you say anything, that isn't a bad thing. I realized that it doesn't matter. I feel like when it comes to me, you, and a relationship; things will be much easier if we work through them together. I spent most of my time just thinking about you, not the situations we were in. So while my initial reasoning for taking time apart to think was pretty pointless, I've had a very productive few days and I'd really like to share that with you."

"There is so much in my head that I need to get out, so if I start rambling or if I'm not making sense, please stop me." She pleaded and I nodded my head in agreement.

"I spent the past few days thinking about you and our situation, not the past but the present one, but most of my focus was on how much I missed you and about how I couldn't wait until Friday so we could stop this nonsensical dance we've been doing. Which leads me to believe, that I never really needed the time to think through things in the first place. I was listening to my head and trying to be analytical about everything and being my overly cautious self instead of listening to my heart and just letting go. I should know by now that the heart tends to be smarter than the head, at least in my case. It was never you that I needed to time think about. I've always been an over thinker and I just thought the 'right' thing to do was take time to process the situation. Hell I even convinced everyone else of that too, for the most part. I know you didn't really like the idea, even if you agreed to it." She smiled.

I had to laugh at that because it was the truth. She really did convince everyone of that. I agreed to the separation because I thought that's what she needed, not necessarily because that's what I wanted, although I will admit that at the time I agreed with her to a point. We were both on an emotional roller coaster and I agreed we needed some time, but not five whole days.

"So I'm sorry for that Edward. I hope I didn't cause you to doubt my feelings for you."

"Bella, stop apologizing. Whether you really needed the time or not, it's obvious that something positive happened during the past three days, so in the end it was worth it, right?"

"You're right." She said giving me a breath taking smile. I swear I felt my heart leap to my throat. Even with her red and puffy eyes, she was still stunning.

I wanted to ask her about where we stood now. I knew that I wanted her and I knew that she wanted me, so where did that leave us? The need to blurt it out was becoming unbearable. It was on the tip of my tongue and I opened my mouth to speak but she stopped me.

"It's scary how well I can read you Edward." She laughed. "We'll get to that, I promise. But I really want to share with you what else has happened."

"I can agree to that under one condition."

"Conditions...already...my your demanding. But let's hear that condition." She giggled.

"Can I kiss you again?" I smiled and I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks but I just didn't care. I'd been thinking about kissing her again for the past three days.

"Well this rings of deja vu. I'm sure you can figure out how this plays out." She smirked.

"Oh Miss Swan. You are a dangerous creature." I closed the distance between us and she met me half way. I wanted so badly to kiss her all night, but I knew we had things to talk about. However, the minute her lips touched mine, all rational thought left my head.

Ten minutes later we were laying side by side on my bed, both flushed and breathing heavy from our mini make out session.

"Sorry. I've been thinking about that since we left my room Sunday night."

"Do you hear me complaining Cullen?" And I couldn't help but smile at her. She was so beautiful in that moment; flushed cheeks, bright eyes and all. She was gorgeous and mine. Whether we had made it official or not, she was mine just as much as I was hers. But I'd let her get to that when she was ready.

"Now where were we?" I asked as she sat back up.

"You...you need to move to the other side of this bed or we'll never get through this. Hell, I don't even know if the other side of the bed will help much. Just...just...Cullen just keep your lips to yourself for the time being." She stammered but smiled to let me know she was teasing.

Yep my ego grew about three sizes and as much as I wanted to stay right next to her, I obliged her and resumed my original position across from her. While she was getting comfortable, her stomach growled.

"Hungry?"

"I guess I am. I didn't have supper tonight."

"Me either. Want me to order a pizza?"

"That sounds great."

I noticed Bella pulling stuff out of her messenger bag while I was calling in the pizza order.

"Pizza will be here in 30 minutes."

"Good, that should be just enough time for us to look at this." She said while holding up a large book.

"This is the catalyst for my self realizations. Katie made this for me for my birthday. She also included a letter, that I'll let you read later. I didn't open this until last night and it rocked my world. She has always had a way of making me see things in a clearer light. Especially things that I don't want to see. For example...my guilt. Everyone has told me that I don't need to hold onto the guilt of what happened. They know it wasn't my fault, hell I know it wasn't my fault but sometimes it's just hard to let it go. I guess I've always felt that the guilt was my burden to carry, almost like a stone around my neck so that I'd never forget what happened, my connection to it all. I think...I think I was afraid of what would happen if I let that go, that it would lessen what we went through. Does that make any sense?"

"I think so. I think you hold on to the guilt because although you know you can't blame yourself, on some level you still feel like what happened is your fault. And you feel like you should take some type of responsibility and guilt is the way you do that. If you let go of the guilt, in your mind, you are letting go of any responsibility for what happened and, at least up until now, you haven't been ready to let go of it."

"You really do understand me, don't you? Well Katie found a way to help me see that it is okay to let go. I'll tell you more about that, but first I want to share this with you. You told me last time we were here that you wanted me to share Katie and Elizabeth with you, so here you go." She said as she laid the book in her lap.

"This book documents the friendship between me, Katie, Elizabeth, and Jake almost from the very beginning." She handled the book like it was a precious artifact and I guess in a sense it was.

It was an amazing piece of work. I could tell how much love and attention Katie had put into it. I loved seeing the pictures of a young Bella, especially the ones of her at the piano. She looked so right on that bench...even if her feet wouldn't reach the pedals yet. Watching her grow up with her three best friends was pretty touching. I knew she and Jake were close, but it was easy to see that the depth of friendship that they shared was only magnified when the four of them were together.

Katie had documented so many important moments in their lives; first sleepovers, recitals, holidays, dances, vacations, prom, graduation; but the most memorable aspect of the book was the tribute to Elizabeth. I was having trouble holding back the tears as I read the poem that Bella, Jake, and Katie had written for her. Bella wasn't having as much luck. Her tears fell freely. The last page made me smile though. It was easy to see how much these girls adored Jake. And even easier to see the love that Jake had for them. I mean, how many nine year old boys willingly spent their time with a group of girls. I didn't think it was possible, but my respect for Jacob Black grew even more after watching him grow up with his three best friends.

"This is amazing Bella, something truly irreplaceable."

"Yeah, I know. Even more so than most would think. The time, love, and energy she devoted to this is incredible. The pictures and mementos are irreplaceable, but the things it put in motion are truly priceless, at least to me. It made me remember so many good things. It also helped me to realize that Elizabeth would be terrible disappointed in me. Disappointed because I'm dwelling on things I cannot change, for still feeling responsible, and for refusing to let go of all the guilty feelings I'm holding on to. My guilt goes deeper than just with what happened that night. I feel guilty for moving here and starting school, for enjoying music, for having and continuing to cultivate life long friendships, for having legs that work...for being alive. This book and Katie's letter made me understand just how wrong that is and how much I'm belittling the life Elizabeth had."

Her guilt for being alive startled me and then scared me. I didn't want to think about a world where she didn't exist. That thought caused my stomach to clench and my heart to beat faster. I was anxious to find out what the book and letter made her realize and I was getting ready to ask her to explain when my phone rang. It was the pizza delivery person letting me know they were waiting downstairs.

"Here, read this. I think you'll have a better understanding after you do. I'll go get the pizza. My treat. No arguments. Now read." She demanded.

I read and then reread the letter three times before she made it back with the pizza. It was powerful and spot on. It made me appreciate Katie even more and I really could not wait to meet her. Bella started putting slices on plates and grabbed two more bottles of water. We settled on the floor to eat.

"So as you can see, she pretty much gave me a verbal ass kicking. She's good for that. It's probably why I've been avoiding talking to her for the past month. She knows me well enough to know what I was doing and feeling and I knew that she wouldn't stay quiet about it for much longer. She played her cards well by paring up the scrapbook with that letter. She'd fit in perfectly with our group of friends. It seems that each and everyone of our friends has a talent for being able to read a situation and offer the most appropriate advice or offer the best gesture."

I thought for a minute and had to agree. She continued, voicing the same thoughts I was having.

"Alice can read people and situations like no one I've ever known. She just radiates trust and true friendship. I couldn't believe how quickly I opened up to her when we met. But I just knew that I needed to be honest with her and that I could trust her fully. She's more than my best friend. I feel like she's my sister, but so much more at the same time. She's my friend soul mate, much the same as Jake is. Trusting Alice was one of the best decisions I've made in the past two years. Rosalie, despite her own perfection, makes others see the beauty in themselves; both inside and out. She's also fiercely protective and a rock when others need to lean on her. Angela doesn't say much but her kindness speaks volumes for the person she is. She never pries but makes sure you know that she is there should you need her. Just like a mother would."

"Then there are the guys. Jake...well I don't really need to get into that. I think it's pretty obvious what he has brought to my life. Emmett is the humor and light heartedness that everyone needs, yet I have a feeling that underneath that teddy bear exterior, he is the most protective one of all. He knows how to break the tension of a situation but he also knows when he needs to be serious. And Jasper is the calm during the storm. No matter what emotions are raging through you, he can always do or say something that makes the situation...better. He is also extremely easy to talk to."

"Another thing about our group...each couple compliments each other. Jasper is the calm to Alice's storm. Where as Alice has no problem offer up her opinion and advice, Jasper waits for you to approach him before speaking his mind. Emmett is easy going and light hearted to Rosalie's seemingly tough and hard exterior. But underneath Rosalie is the sensitive to Emmett's toughness. Angela is the the quiet observer to Jake's overwhelming large presence. But much like Rose and Em, Jake is very sensitive to the core whereas Angela has a tough interior. Sometimes I have to believe that fate really does exist. I mean, how else can so many people that are just 'right' for each other, end up being integral parts of each others lives?"

I couldn't help but marvel at her assessments. She is an extremely perceptive person. But I did notice that she failed to mention either her or myself.

"What about us?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm still figuring 'us' out. But here's what I know so far. I think, for me at least, you are a combination of all of the above. You make me feel safe, hopeful, significant, beautiful. I feel like you trust me, that I'm deserving of your friendship. For the first time in a long time you make me feel worthy of the good things I've been blessed with in my life. Because of you I'm starting to let go of the guilt of moving on and I actually believe that I do deserve happiness. You helped me breakdown walls that I thought would stay standing for a long time if not the rest of my life. Crumbling those walls was the first step in really dealing with what happened. I'm actually looking forward to what the future holds for me...and more importantly what it holds for...us. As for what 'part' we play in the group dynamic, well I'm not sure. So far I haven't really had to be there for anyone. I've just been the very lucky recipient of their talents, for lack of a better word."

"But if I had to name our part in the group...well I think it would be the strength that we've both had to develop due to the things we've been through. We have the ability to be strong for others, even if we can't find the strength for ourselves. I think we can also bring hope that no matter what happens, you can rise above it. I think you are a fierce friend and extremely insightful. You also have a big heart, obvious by your desired career path. You want to help heal people. I mean, look at what you've done for me. You were even a healer at a young age. Alice told me what you did for her that day at the children's home. And I have a feeling your plea for Jessica to get help may have fallen on receptive ears."

This girl sure does know how to render me speechless. She gazed into my eyes and I knew she understood everything I was feeling.

"I'm sorry Edward. I keep getting off topic. I do want to discuss us, but I really do want to get through the rest of this first."

We had finished our pizza by now and found ourselves back on my bed, mirroring each others position. I had to fight the urge to pull her closer to me, but I knew where that would lead and as much as I wanted that, she needed to get this off her chest. So like the gentleman my mom raised, I kept my distance.

"Needless to say, last night was a tough night. Jake was with me for a while and then Alice came home. I have a feeling Jake called in reinforcements, but I'm glad he did. I was able to share this with Alice and just like always, she knew exactly what I needed. My sleep was very restless. I had the strangest dreams; I'll tell you about them someday, but even in my state of sleep I knew my brain was trying to work through some issues and when I woke up this morning, despite how tired I truly was, I knew today was going to be a good day...a great day. My mind was ready to process everything and had pretty much already decided what I needed to do. I skipped all my classes today in order to take care of business."

She proceeded to tell me about her phone calls to her parents as well as her one to Dr. Kym. She told me about her session and some of the things that were discussed. Then she dropped a bomb on me.

"The biggest realization that I came to was that I need to go back to Phoenix and face my demons head on, and I need to do it soon. I'm going back over Fall Break."

I think I turned three shades of white; if that's even possible. Fall Break is only a few weeks away.

"Bella, are you sure you're ready for that? I just don't want you to rush into something that may set you back."

"I don't know if I'll ever be completely ready but it's something that I have to do. Dr. Kym agrees and she says that if I think I'm strong enough than she supports my decision."

"Then I am behind you 100 percent. Are you going by yourself?" I asked, almost hoping she'd ask me to go with her.

"No. Jake and my dad are going to go with me. I thought about asking you and Alice to come too, but this is something that I need to do alone. Well not completely alone, but I need to make peace with that part of my life before getting my new life involved...if that makes any sense at all."

And it did. I understood that she wanted to face her past and really put things behind her, before trying to combine the two parts of her life.

"I do have a favor to ask of you though and please feel free to tell me no if you aren't comfortable with it." She stated nervously.

"As long as I don't have to pretend Em or Jake's significant other, I think I can handle it." I joked, hoping to lift her mood. It worked.

"Damn...well in that case. But in all seriousness, would you be willing to join me for a session or two with Dr. Kym? Maybe even more?"

I was momentarily stunned silent because this was one of the things I was going to ask her.

"Bella, it really is scary how in tune we are with each other. I actually asked Dr. Kym the same thing today. That would probably account for the smirk that crossed her face when I asked her. So, yes I'd be more than willing."

"That's great Edward. Thank you so much. Sounds like you may have had a productive day as well."

"I did. But I'll get to that once you're finished."

She nodded then seemed to get lost in her thoughts; something I was learning that she did when she trying to make a decision about something.

"Bella, you know you can talk to me about anything right? Same rules apply today as they did on Sunday. Nothing you say will make me change my mind." That seemed to work.

"Edward, I know we haven't officially talked about this thing that is going on between us yet, but I feel it's only fair to warn you about some potential issues before we get deeper in. And please don't think I was keeping this from you on Sunday. In all honesty, I never even thought about it until after. It's one of those things I didn't think I'd have to deal with for a long time if at all and I just didn't think about it at the time." She rambled on.

"Bella, you're rambling." I smiled at her to let her know I was teasing her.

"I know, I'm just somewhat embarrassed to bring this up. But if we are going to continue down this path that we are currently on...well this is something you deserve to know before things go to far...in case...in case you decide you don't want to deal with it. At least if I tell you about it now, you'll have the opportunity to back out."

"You're starting to freak me out Bella, just tell me."

I knew by the tears that were already pooling in her eyes that this was going to be difficult for her...as well as me.

"I left some things out on Sunday when I was telling you about the ordeal with James. Again, it wasn't on purpose. Please believe that." She begged before taking a deep breath.

"I do believe you Bella." And without my consent, my hand reached for her.

"H..he...did..." she stammered out and all I wanted to do was grab her and pull her to me. And my heart clenched at the agony in her voice.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay. You don't have to talk about it. Whatever it is, we'll get through it."

"Edward, he sexually assaulted me." She croaked out in one breath. And I immediately saw red.

"Did that bastard...did he...what did he do?" I just couldn't force myself to think rape, much less say it.

"He didn't rape me. The hospital did a test when I was admitted. I'm still a virgin. But I don't really know everything he did do. I've blocked a lot of it out. I do know he touched me in inappropriate places but again, I draw a blank at how much he actually did."

As relieved as I was about her not being raped, I was still pissed, angry, livid. Didn't that asshole do enough to her? Didn't he take enough away from her? But now was not the time to focus on my feelings. I needed to be there for my Bella.

"Doesn't change anything Bella. I'm not going anywhere." I reassured her the best I could.

"That's not what I'm afraid of Edward. I know you aren't going anywhere. I'm scared about the physical aspects of a relationship. I assume that eventually we are going to move passed kissing and hand holding. I mean we are both 20 year old adults." She flushed pink again.

"Is that not something you want? You have to know I'd never pressure you into something. Matter of fact, you can be in control if that's what you need." And her pink cheeks turned scarlet.

"Edward, that didn't come out right. It is something I want...eventually. But I'm scared that something you do...we do, will cause me to have a flashback or cause those repressed memories to surface. I know you well enough to know that if that happened, you'd blame yourself and place a "being physical" with Bella ban on yourself. And that's something that I don't want to happen...you blaming yourself or the ban." She mumbled.

I'll admit, the thought of her having a panic attack or a flashback while we were in the middle of something did scare me. I wasn't scared for myself but for what that would do to Bella. But I knew if that happened then we would deal with it, together. I'm just glad she is being up front with me. At least now I know what we may face.

"Well then we'll work on it together. I'm guessing that's what the joint session with Dr. Kym will be for?"

"Mostly, but I don't think it would hurt for us to also talk to her about building a strong foundation for our relationship, considering our pasts. Plus she and I discussed some techniques to help me through the physical aspect of our relationship when the times come. But I think we can wait to talk about those. In the meantime. Please don't treat me like I'm made of glass. Let's just be slow in our actions."

"I think that's a wonderful idea. Something I was planning to suggest anyway. Given my past, I'd like to go slow and continue building a strong foundation, just like you suggested. As long as i can keep kissing you, I'll be happy."

"So will I." She giggled.

"So Mr. Cullen. Want to share your day with me?"

"Absolutely Miss Swan. I'd be more than glad to fill you in. My day was a lot like yours actually. I spent our time apart reevaluating some aspects of my life. I didn't spend much time thinking about our situation either, although most of my thoughts were centered on you. I'm just as sure of us today as I was on Sunday. I do have questions, but your answers will do nothing to change my feelings, only satisfy some of my curiosity."

She smiled at me encouragingly.

"Seems like our time apart served a much higher purpose for the both of us then." She stated.

"That it did. I started to realize just how much I've withdrawn myself from life over the past year. I started shutting myself away when Jessica and I started dating. She liked to monopolize my time and never wanted me to do anything without her. The only time I was able to have time to myself was during the time I volunteered and shadowed at the hospital. Again, there was another red flag I ignored. When everything with Jessica blew up, I chose to dive even further in. I've already managed to bank more than half of my required hours for medical school."

"Wow, you must have done nothing more than work, study, eat, and sleep over the past year."

"That about covers it. It dawned on me that I was very much in danger of never really enjoying college. I was so focused on my ultimate goal that I forgot that I'm allowed to have fun. This is supposed to be the time of my life. I have a lot of school ahead of me. I still have three years of pre med, then there is medical school, and that is followed by residency. I don't mean it to sound like I'm going to slack on my studies over the next three years, but I figure it's okay to ease up some on all the extras I've been doing and take the time to enjoy life. So anyhow, I talked with my dad, my advisor, and my mentor today. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to get myself off track. I was also worried about disappointing them, but they were actually really relieved about my change in attitude. See, they've all tried to warn me against burning out. My dad was a little less vocal about it because out of the three, he was the only one who knew the real reason I was burying myself. But he was still worried about me."

Relieved was actually a pretty tame word for what my dad was when I told him about my epiphanies. He was ecstatic and very supportive. As were my advisor and mentor.

"So I'm cutting back on the number of hours I spend shadowing and volunteering. The last few months of last semester, I hardly had any free time, which was the way I wanted it. My daily routine consisted of classes, homework, studying, and shadowing or volunteering. Like I said...no real life. But now that's different. I want to be able to spend time with you." And just like I thought, she immediately started protesting.

"Edward, you don't have to do that for me. I don't want you to screw up your career track for me. I understand how committed you are and would hate for you to change anything because of me. You have to do this for you and for no one else." She pleaded.

"Trust me Bella, I wish I could tell you that this was all for you, but I'm basically a selfish person and I crave being in your presence. So spending time with you IS for me. You were just the catalyst I needed to make me open my eyes and see how quickly life was passing me by and how much I was missing. So thank you for that. I also want to take advantage of the new friendships I've formed as well as live a little and act my age. But yeah, being able to spend more time with you was more than enough reason." She grabbed my hand, squeezing while smiling at me.

"Well I can't say I'll complain about getting to see you more. But we do need to make sure we don't let our desire to be with one another interfere with our studies."

"I agree and I've already thought about that. I figured we can study and do homework together. We can also practice together too. I understand there will be times that we'll each need time to ourselves and that doesn't bother me. I just want to be with you as much as you'll allow me to be. We'll figure it out and make sure that we have a balance between personal, group, and school time."

I was shocked when I felt her fingers under my chin. She pulled my face up so she was looking in my eyes.

"You are absolutely amazing Edward Cullen. You really do want me around, don't you? That's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. You make me feel so special." She said in awe.

"That's because you are special Bella. You deserve so much, much more than me, but I'm sure as hell happy that it's me you want. And I will do everything possible to make and keep you happy."

I hardly had time to blink before she launched herself on me. Our lips collided in a heated kiss that I felt to the tips of my toes. I could feel her gratitude, elation, and hope in that kiss. I also felt...love? Could she? But I quickly squelched that notion. It was too soon for that and even though I'm pretty sure I love her, I didn't want to rush things and scare her off. I hated to end such a spectacular kiss, but I really wanted to get through this conversation so that we could move forward with a clean slate.

I slowly ended the kiss and watched as her eyes opened to stare into mine. I pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek.

"As much as I'd really like to continue that, we'll never get through this conversation if you don't stay on your side of the bed...your rules." I smirked and chuckled.

She gave me a death glare, well tried to, before full out giggling at me.

"Touche. Okay, I'll try to tamper down any further outburst, for now anyway." And her eyes sparkled with mirth. "Really, I'll behave. I'm just as anxious as you to get through this."

I told her a little bit more about my talk with my dad, advisors, and mentor. She started asking questions about volunteering at the hospital and what it entailed. I assured her that I'd give her all the details at a later time. As much as I loved volunteering and as important as it was, I was anxious to get on with our talk.

"I had a late session with Dr. Kym today. I made the appointment last minute, so I had to take what was open. But I knew I needed to see her. I spent the past few days thinking about you, relationships, our unique circumstances, my family. Well pretty much everything. I realized there are things I need to work on to ensure that any relationship I'm in works; whether it's romantic, familial, or platonic. The biggest aspect of myself that I need to improve upon is my ability to communicate. I have a feeling, and Dr. Kym agrees, that had I been better at communicating, things with Jessica may not have gotten to the extreme that they did. Well the lack of communication combined with my hesitancy to really open up. I don't like to rock the boat, so when I started noticing problems in my relationship with Jessica; I just let it go. I didn't want to disrupt the status quo. To me it was easier to live in blissful ignorance than to face the cold hard reality of things."

"I've been working on that late, but as you well know...I still have a long ways to go. Had I been more open when we first met and more willing to communicate, we may have been able to avoid the whole 'Anthony' 'Marie' situation. Sunday probably would have been handled a bit differently too." I shot her a shy smile.

"Edward, you can't take all the blame for those situations. It was just as much my fault. I mislead you when we first met and I ran from you on Sunday...well not you per say, but I ran from the thought of you regretting and rejecting me. So I think the communication thing is something we can work on together."

"Bella, I think you're right, but I've come to learn you usually are. I really would like you to attend some therapy sessions with me. I agree with you that it can only help. There's more that I have to work on besides better communication and being more willing to open up to others. I also have control issues. I know it seems like a bit of a contradiction considering I chose to ignore what was going on with Jessica, but even in my choosing to be ignorant; in my mind, that was me controlling the situation. But my control issues go much deeper than that. I've maintained control in every aspect of my life. When I first started playing the piano, I would make up songs. The feeling of creating was exhilarating. I later determined that it was just as much the rush of controlling what the piano was doing as much as it was the actual creating. I mean, I made the piano sing for me. If I had a bad day, it was the one thing that I knew I could make do exactly what I wanted it to do. I know this all sounds crazy..."

"But it doesn't Edward. I completely understand. Music is so freeing and uplifting but it's also a powerful aphrodisiac. Especially when you are able to take something made of wood and string and make it come to life. I came ot relish that feeling. Then I learned how to manipulate a wooden tube that was full of holes. I was fascinated by the fact that I could play middle C five times and produce five different sounds...all by manipulating how much pressure I used on the key, the type of stroke I used, by adding pedals to the mix. The same is true of playing the clarinet. The note changes depending on how much airflow you are pushing through the body, how you hold your diaphragm, the type of reed you use, how much pressure you place on the reed. Even the way you hold your mouth and tongue can change the sound. So believe me, I understand. That's why I stopped playing for so long after Elizabeth died. I had lost control over all other aspects in my life and I was terrified of losing my last grip on reality. I figured if I refused to play, then I could still claim I was still in control of at least that aspect of my life. You can imagine my grief and devastation when I finally did try to play, only to find out I couldn't."

I was in awe. She really does get me, better than anyone I've ever known. That's one of the big reasons I didn't compose for so long after Jessica. I couldn't help but smile at her. I was hoping my next revelation would let her know just how much she meant to me.

"Wow, you really are something. I didn't think anyone would understand how creating music offers the control I so often crave. I think, well no, I know my desire to control things is a result of my parents death. It was completely senseless and out of their control. For so long I felt that as long as I could control the things in my life, I wouldn't have to deal with that type of grief again. And although the situation with Jessica doesn't come close to comparing to losing my parents, it still hurt. I've never wanted to give up that control ever again." I breathed out a heavy breath.

"But with you...I don't feel the need to control or to shut myself off. I feel so completely and utterly peaceful around you. I'm not scared or worried about what letting go will result in. It excites me. I don't know how you did it, but you have managed to break me; and that's pretty great in my opinion. I thought I'd have a hell of a time trusting again too, but with you there is no question. I trust you completely. That's not to say my 'issues' won't rear their ugly heads in the future. I mean, look at what I did on Sunday, but you have to know that my reaction had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. But no matter what, I know that I can get through anything as long as you are there. I won't allow my insecurities come between us." I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my chest. That was probably one of the most heartfelt and truthful statements I'd ever made.

I looked up to find big fat tears rolling down Bella's cheeks and a huge smile across her lips. Her bottom lip started to tremble when she tried to speak. She took a few minutes to compose herself before speaking.

"You know, I feel the same way. We have different issues that affect us but just knowing that you will be there with me, makes it all seem insignificant. Well maybe insignificant isn't the right word to use. Bearable and surmountable are probably better terms. Like you, I can't promise that my issues won't try to take me over at some point, but I know it will be okay. You'll be there with me, helping and guiding me through them...at least I hope you'll be there." She stated while looking towards her lap.

"Bella, I may not be able to promise you that I'll never screw up or always make the right decisions. I know there will be times that I'll piss you off and make you cry. We'll fight, we'll argue, we'll make up. But I will always strive to make you happy even if making you happy 100% of the time is impossible. I know that there will times that I won't be able to devote as much of my time to you as I want and vice versa. But Bella, the one thing that I can promise you with absolute certainty and no hesitation is that I'll always be here for you, in whatever capacity that you wish me to be. And since we are laying it all out on the line I have a confession to make. You're friendship has been the greatest of my life so far. You have become one of the most important parts of my life and you have done it without effort and in such a short amount of time. I know we belong in each other's lives. But I'm hoping you see me as more than just your friend. And just so you know, this isn't a short term desire for me. I'm in this for the long haul." I confessed. I heard her sharp intake of breath before she spoke.

"Silly Edward. Of course I see you as more than just my friend. What do you think we've been doing over the past few days...hell the past few weeks? I'm sorry if you were doubting that." She laughed.

"Hey, can't blame a guy for wanting absolute clarification. I'm sorry Bella, I guess that's my insecurities speaking."

"I understand Edward. Really I do. I know your relationship with Jessica has skewed your perception and you are scared of misreading situations. So let me make it perfectly clear. Edward Cullen, I want nothing more than to be more than just your friend. I want to be with you...in a relationship with you. One that isn't platonic. Oh and since we're being completely honest...I'm not a short term type of girl. From the moment I first saw you, I was drawn to you. So I'm all in." She grinned and my heart started beating erratically.

I knew this was the direction our conversation was heading in but I couldn't help the shit eating grin that I was now wearing. To Bella's surprise, I jumped off the bed and ran over to my desk. I pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen. After writing down what I wanted, I walked back to Bella and gave her the paper. She looked at me curiously and then back to the paper and immediately fell over laughing. She reached up and grabbed the pen from me and started writing. When she was finished she handed it back to me with a smile that matched mine. Her eyes were sparkling with happiness. I read her response and immediately attacked her lips.

The fire alarm blaring brought me back to the present.

"You have got to be kidding me." I exclaimed.

"Guess we have to vacate the premises." She huffed.

"Yeah, I guess. Do you have to go back yet? I still want to talk some more."

"No. I'm not ready to say good night yet. How about we walk to the coffee shop?"

"Great idea."

Fifteen minutes later we each had a hot chocolate and a pastry to share. The coffee shop wasn't the place to ask my questions so I suggested walking back to my car and driving around. She agreed and we drank our drinks and ate our pastry on the way to my car. Once in the car, I picked out some soft music and started driving to no where in particular.

"Bella, is it okay if I ask you some questions? If you don't want to answer them, that's perfectly okay. It's just some things I was curious about." I knew some of these questions would be hard for her to answer.

"Of course, Edward. That was, after all, part of the reason we took a few days apart. Please feel free to ask me whatever you need to. And I'll do my best to answer."

"One of the things I thought about over the past few days was why it took me so long to go to therapy. I was just wondering why it took you so long?"

"Well that's a loaded question." She chuckled.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to answer it."

"No, it's fine. Really. It's not a simple answer though. I wasn't in any shape, mentally or physically, after it all happened to talk to anyone. While I was in the hospital, my mom had a therapist stop by to talk to me, a few actually, but I was too far gone in my own head to even acknowledge their presence. I almost felt like my mind was fractured. There was too much for me to absorb and I guess I just refused to even try to process it. Once I was released from the hospital I focused on getting better physically and finishing school. I avoided thinking about what happened at all cost. Of course, it got pretty difficult to do that once I went back to school. No one ever approached me about what happened but it was evident in their faces...curiosity, pity, sadness...even blame."

Blame...that one threw me.

"Blame?"

"Yeah. I don't think anyone outright blamed me; it was more of a guilt by association thing. I was the catalyst for it all. Even though Elizabeth and Katie weren't close with many people at school, their circle of friends and acquaintances was larger than mine. I learned quickly that in situations such as those, it's easier to deal with the pain and reality if there is someone to blame. Like I said, no one ever said anything to me, but I knew. That's when Jake became even more protective of me. The fact that I avoided Katie as much as possible only fueled the thoughts. I mean, I blamed myself so it was easier for others to as well. Katie did her best to squash those ideas too, but you know how the group mentality works. Once someone spoke their thoughts out loud, it just kind of caught on. Again, no one out right blamed me, but they seemed to think I was somehow responsible."

I felt angry at those stupid kids. How could they be so ignorant? I had a feeling that those looks of blame and guilt from others only enhanced Bella's own feelings of responsibility. I wonder how much more damage they caused her than she needed to feel?

"I managed to go on with life the best I could until graduation, but I crashed afterwards. The tribute they did for Elizabeth broke down the little control I had developed. It was after that night that I confined myself to my room. I gave up. I don't know how long I went on like that for, but Jake eventually got tired of walking on eggshells. My mom, Phil, and even my dad wouldn't push me. They just let me be. Jake got sick of it. He eventually broke down my door one day and refused to let me suffer alone. That's when he started to become a permanent fixture in my house. He practically moved in with me. My parents and his dad never even gave it a second thought. They knew we only viewed each other as brother/sister and best friends. Even if we didn't, it was obvious I wasn't in any shape to take advantage of a guy sharing my bed."

Instinctively my spine stiffened and I felt the jealousy boil up. Jasper's warning quickly flitted through my mind and I shut that shit down quick. Bella, being extremely perceptive, picked up on it though. She smiled at me and I relaxed instantly.

"I hope you know that you have absolutely nothing to worry about as far as Jake is concerned...or any other male for that matter. He is and always will be my best friend, my best friend soul mate. Without him, I don't function, but I have never and will never see him as anything more."

"I know. Honestly I do. I have nothing but the utmost gratitude and respect for Jacob. I'm sorry for my momentary instance of caveman like behavior. Just natural instinct when a man hears about his other half sharing her bed with another man...no matter the context. I am so thankful that you have him in your life. You know, that's one thing Jasper spent a great deal of time pressing upon me. He told me that if for some reason I ever felt the need to be jealous of Jake that I probably wouldn't like the outcome if I ever made it an issue. That if you had to choose between the two of us, I'd probably be disappointed."

"Jasper is a smart man, but I would hope I'd never have to choose. That would be one of the hardest things I'd ever have to do, so I'd really appreciate it if we never reached that point. Again, there will never be anything romantic between me and Jake...ever. But if at anytime you see or feel something that doesn't sit right with you, please tell me. Ask me about it. Don't jump to conclusions. Jake and I have always been very affectionate with one another. It's second nature to us. Sharing hugs and kisses, innocent chaste kisses, is something we've done our whole lives. It was our comfort. He was like that with Elizabeth and Katie too. We've shared one and only one kiss that wasn't giving in a platonic way and trust me...it was terrible for both of us."

"I can promise you that I will never put you in that position. As long as I'm the one you are sharing your 'not so platonic' kisses with, I'll be happy. Bella, I hope you believe me. I know how important Jake is to you. I hope that he and I can continue building our friendship too. He is a great person, someone that I think I can benefit greatly from."

This made her smile. I knew he was important to her and that if I wanted things to work out with her, I'd have to accept him into my life. The thing is...I'd want to be friends with Jake even if Bella wasn't in the picture. He's the type of friend anybody would want. I'm just glad I'm being given that opportunity.

"So Jake pretty much moved in with me after that day and I vowed to do better for my family. At first I was actually able to function. It started with me venturing out of my room, then to the front porch, and eventually I'd go to Jake's house. But I still avoided the public. I even started visiting Katie some. Jake would take me to her house and we'd watch movies or listen to music. We never talked about what happened or my problem."

"Your problem?"

"Yeah, I discovered shortly before graduation that I was unable to play any instrument. Just the thought of it sent me into an anxiety attack. Only a handful of people knew about it. It was even more devastating for me because I found out around that same time that I had been awarded the full music scholarship. I kept that quiet for a while as well. I couldn't handle anymore disappointment. Anyhow, I eventually agreed to start going to therapy, but that didn't end well. I always found something wrong with the therapist and refused to go back. That or either the therapist would tell my mom that I was unwilling to open up and until I was they couldn't help me. I finally realized that while I was going through the motions of living...I wasn't. And no matter how much I tried to convince others that I was getting better, they knew the truth. Jake helped take the pain away, even if he couldn't fix me. His constant presence was a blessing. Unfortunately, he had to go back to school and I lost my sun and comfort. He still spent as much time with me as he could, but he had a life to live and I refused to let him put it on hold. He would have done anything to help me but I wasn't willing to let him sacrifice himself."

"I handled things the best I could for the first two weeks but I soon started to shut down again. I stopped going out and eventually shut myself up in my room again. I stopped talking to Katie and started ignoring my family again. I lost my appetite and started losing weight rapidly. I was haunted by dark and negative thoughts constantly. I felt worthless and the guilt started to eat me alive. And I slept all the time. It wasn't unusual for me to sleep for fourteen hours a day or more. By the time October rolled around my mom had reached her limit and called my dad in for back up. My weight had dropped to close to 90 lbs and she was freaking out about my health. My dad literally carried me to the doctor. I was admitted to the hospital for a few days to get fluids in me and of course they called for a psychiatric evaluation. It surprised no one when I was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. They gave me meds and sent me home."

"They helped for a while and like a dumb ass, I thought I was getting better so I stopped taking them. I've never like to take pills and I had it in my head I could heal all on my own; without taking any medication or without talking to someone. I'm stubborn. I tried putting on the happy facade for my family so they wouldn't get suspicious and it worked. We found out soon after that the trail date had been set. Up until this point, the plan was for me to enroll into the Spring semester, but once the trial date was set, we knew that couldn't happen. In all honesty, it wouldn't have happened anyway...I still couldn't play. My mom contacted Dr. Smithwick and I was allowed to take one more semester before they revoked my scholarship."

"It was a combination of events that lead me to therapy. They started shortly after Thanksgiving. I had been off my meds for about two weeks and had been spiraling down quickly. Everything came crashing down on me all at once. I wasn't dealing with the holidays very well and I was even more stressed about not being able to play. Then I was stressing over the trial. The guilt was unbearable and the depression was back in full force. I had lost all hope that I'd ever be happy again. I couldn't imagine my life ever getting better. I started thinking that everyone would be better off without me." She finished in a whisper. If I hadn't been paying attention, I would have never heard her.

I had a feeling I knew where this was going but I didn't want to believe it. Luckily we were driving by a park so I pulled in and parked so I could give her my full attention.

"It was a fleeting thought and it was stupid. Something I would never act on. Jake found me sitting in the middle of my bathroom holding a razor blade and crying hysterically. I never intended to do it and Jake knew me well enough to believe me when I told him that. But it scared the hell out of me and it was devastating to Jake. He kept saying over and over that he had already lost one and he wasn't going to lose another. He was terrified to leave me alone. He wanted me to check myself into the hospital but I refused. He threatened to tell my parents but I talked him out of it. It took me hours but we eventually came to a compromise. He started spending nights at my house again and no one gave us any problems about it. He even started rationing out my medicine. For the longest time he wouldn't even let me touch it. I had to open my mouth for him to put the pills on my tongue. After drinking the water to wash them down, he made me open my mouth and hold up my tongue just to make sure I swallowed them." Bella told me as she silently cried.

"So that was a major wake up call for me. But I let Jake take care of me. I knew I was in no shape to do it on my own. Once I started on the med again, the depression lessened and I was able to function again. Soon after that, we started preparations for the trial. It was difficult but I also started to gain a little closure. It also helped me reconnect with Katie."

She went on to tell me about how she ran into Katie at the police station and the events that followed.

"The last thing in the chain of events that lead me to actually wanting to go to therapy was the sentencing. That was more difficult than the trial. But once James's sentence was handed down, I felt a little more free. I knew that it was a combination of things; the meds, the stress of the trial being over, the sentence being handed down, reestablishing relationships; but I finally felt like I could start to move on with my life. That's when I decided that I really wanted to accept the scholarship and pursue music. I'll admit, at first I was more focused on getting rid of the mental block that was preventing me from playing rather than dealing with the mental scars. It took me a little while to realize that it was the mental scars that were keeping me from playing. Dr. Leslie figured out a way to reach me and I've been working on healing ever since. I just thank the powers that be everyday that I he wasn't able to take away my music." And I knew she was talking about James.

She told me about a few of the techniques that her old therapist employed to help her get over her block. Dr. Leslie sounded so much like Dr. Kym so I wasn't surprised when Bella told me they knew one another and that it was in fact Dr. Leslie that set her up with Dr. Kym.

By this time we had made it back to campus and were parked in front of her dorm. We sat in silent contemplation for a while before I noticed that Bella was getting tense.

"Edward? Does this scare you away? I promise I'm not suicidal. I never was. I spent many sessions with Dr. Leslie discussing this. That was me hitting rock bottom and my cry for help, so to speak I'm not depressed anymore either. I was able to go off the depression meds over the summer. I still have a prescription for anti-anxiety pills but I haven't had to take any since I've been here."

She was working herself up and I needed to put a stop to it.

"Bella, calm down sweetheart. I promise this does not scare me away. I've gone through the depression and anxiety attacks as well. I'll admit, the suicide bit does scare me but I believe you when you say you never had any intentions of harming yourself. Besides even if you did then, you aren't that person anymore." I said with as much conviction as possible. I wanted her to understand that I didn't and wouldn't hold that part of her life against her.

"Thank you Edward. You can't know what it means to me to hear you say that."

I reached over to wipe the tears from her eyes and just couldn't help but brush my lips against hers. Of course our luck never holds and my cell phone started ringing.

Alice.

"Yes dear sister?"

"I was just wondering how long you and Bella are going to sit in your car and make out like a bunch of high school kids?" She laughed and I let out a frustrated sigh.

"We'll be up in a minute Alice."

"Actually, I just wanted to let you know that Jazz and I are going for a walk so you and Bella will have the room to yourselves. We'll be back by 11:30."

"Okay Alice. Thanks."

"No problem. We'll be talking soon."

I hung up with her and filled Bella in.

"So, do you want to come up for a little while?"

"Absolutely!" I responded a little to enthusiastically. Her answering giggle warmed my heart.

Her suite was quiet when we walked in. There was a note posted on her door. Angela was already in bed and Rose was with Emmett.

"Oh, I'm cooking supper tomorrow night. Think you can make it?"

"Well Miss Swan, that's a stupid question. If you're cooking...I'm in. So what's for supper?"

"Ummm...well I haven't decided yet. Do you have any suggestions?"

"I certainly won't turn down anything you fix, but your lasagna is mighty tasty." I said hopefully.

"Well lasagna it is. I don't know if I'll have time to make dessert, but I'll try."

We talked for a few minutes about how classes were going and what assignments we were currently working on. She then started giving me some details about dinner with Dr. Smithwick this weekend. And I was actually looking forward to it. It intrigued me to get to know the Dr. Smithwick that Bella knew, because it was pretty obvious that she was someone special to her.

She moved the books from her bed and hooked up her iPod. I think she set it to random because I cannot imagine what type of play list would have Frank Sinatra, Rage Against the Machine, Mozart, and Enya on it. We laid side by side on her bed and just enjoyed being in each others company. She held my right hand between both of hers and traced my palm over and over. My left hand mindlessly played with pieces of her. It was so soft. It seemed now that everything was out in the open, our relationship had reached a new level of intimacy. Because that is what this was. No words were spoken but volumes were being said between the two of us. Each stroke of her fingers against my palm was letting me know that she trusted me and wanted me. And I was conveying the same thing to her with each brush of my hand against her hair.

A massive shudder ran through my body when she lifted my palm to her lips and placed feather light kisses against my skin.

"Thank you." She whispered. And I didn't need an explanation for her thanks.

"Thank you." I replied and she understood just as I did.

The energy that was flowing between us was incredible and I could have basked in it for days. I felt utterly content, like a piece of me that had been missing was finally in place. The urge to tell her how I felt was strong but I was afraid it was too soon for that revelation. I didn't want to scare her away. Hell, I was scared of saying it out loud because it was still hard for me to believe, but underneath it all I knew...I was falling in love with her; no I was in love with her. I knew that there was only one thing that would keep me from blurting it out, so I pressed my lips against Bella's and I was not disappointed. Kissing Bella is an experience that I never want to go without. Her lips were so soft, her mouth so warm. There was no need from either of us to dominate this kiss, instead we sat a slow and building pace. Just enjoying the sensations of lips, tongues, and teeth coming together.

Eventually we both came up for air but I couldn't keep my lips away from her. I gently kissed from the corner of her mouth, down her neck, and then back up to ear. I found a few places along my route that cause her breath to hitch and I filed that in my memory for later use. While I was exploring her neck with my lips and tongue, she was winding her hand through my hair and mapping out her own route along my neck and face. I know I said I wanted to take things slow, but I was quickly learning that taking things slow with Bella was going to take a hell of a lot of will power, but she was worth it. And for the first time in a really long time; I felt that I was worth it too.

We had moved closer together by this point and I gathered her in my arms and held her close. She buried her head in my chest and started humming along to the song that was playing. I knew the song and unconsciously started humming along as well. I was shocked as hell at how good we sounded together. She would harmonize when I took the melody and then we'd switch up. But still neither of us spoke. I had never enjoyed silent pauses with others before. I always felt the need to fill them; whether with something of importance or just asinine chatter. But there was no awkwardness in our silence. There was no need to fill the silence because we were saying everything that needed to be said. It was getting late and I knew we both had busy days tomorrow, so I reluctantly broke our embrace.

"Bella..."

"I know. It's getting late. But I'm not ready for you to leave yet."

"Me either."

Bella started laughing.

"Jeez Edward. We're acting like we'll never see each other again." And I joined in her laughter because she was right.

"I know, but what can I say. I'm enjoying being wrapped around you." And of course she blushed.

"Me too." She stated shyly. "How about ten more minutes?"

"You'll get no arguments out of me." I would have been perfectly content laying beside her for those ten minutes but the next song that started playing left me with another desire. This song was the perfect ending to our night.

"Dance with me?" I whispered.

"Of course."

I wrapped my arms tightly around Bella as we swayed to the music. We weren't dancing so much as we were just clinging to one another, but it was perfect.

_At last, my love has come along_

_My lonely days are over_

_And life is like a song_

_Oh, yeah, at last_

_The skies above are blue_

_My heart was wrapped up in clovers_

_The night I looked at you_

_I found a dream that I could speak to_

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I found a thrill to rest my cheek to_

_A thrill that I have never known_

_Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile_

_Oh, and then the spell was cast_

_And here we are in heaven_

_For you are mine_

_At last_

I stared into her eyes for the entirety of the song and she returned my gaze. As the song was coming to an end, I lowered my lips to hers once again and was immediately lost in everything that was Bella.

"Times up." She breathed, sounded disappointed.

"I know. But we'll see each other in a matter of hours. We're still on for coffee in the morning, right?"

"Without a doubt." She smiled. "Let me walk you to your car?"

"No, you stay here. If you walk me to my car, I'll feel the need to be a gentleman and walk you back to your door, and then you'll walk me back to my car...you see the vicious cycle we'll get caught up in?"

"I see your point. Throw in the endless number of good bye kisses...we' never sleep tonight. So I'll see you in the morning then. Be careful getting back to your room."

We were both stalling but there was one more thing I wanted to clarify. I pulled the piece of paper from my pocket that we had written on earlier.

"Bella, you do know I was perfectly serious with this, don't you?" I asked as I held up the paper.

"As was I in my responses." She smiled.

"I'm glad to hear that. You have made me so happy Bella." I kissed her quickly before she could respond. "Okay, I'm really going to go now."

"I'll see you in the morning. And Edward...I'm looking forward to _everything_. Only you." She smiled and her eyes lit up.

I know I looked like a crazy person walking back to my car. I hardly remember walking to my car, driving back to my dorm, walking to my room, or getting ready for bed. Jasper came in before I crawled into bed and just gave me a knowing smile.

"So...I take it you don't have to wait until Friday anymore?"

"No, no more waiting."

"Things go well I take it?"

"You have no idea."

"Well I'm happy for you."

"Thanks man. I really appreciate everything you've done for me this week. I owe you one."

He waved me off and went to get ready for bed. I took the paper from my bedside table, unfolded it, and read it one more time before going to sleep.

_Bella..._

_Do you like me? Yes or No_

_Will you be my girlfriend? Yes or No_

_Will you be my life? Yes or No_

_Will you be my everything? Yes or No_

_Edward_

All four were circled...Yes.

_For you are mine_

_At last_

**A/N: So there it is. You know what to do. I would LOVE to know what you thought of this chapter. Also, if there are any questions that you feel I haven't answered concerning what Bella and Edward went through, let me know and I'll do my best to get you the answers. **


	37. Chapter 37: Fluff and Stuff

**Info about an outtake at the bottom...**

**A/N: No excuses...at least it didn't take me a month. I made this extra long...no drama...no misunderstandings. Just some feel good times. Lots of fluff. Oh yeah...and it was pick on Emmett chapter. I hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter 37: Fluff and Stuff**

**BPOV**

Did that really happen? I thought to myself as I flopped ungracefully on my bed. Bringing my hand to my lips and feeling that they were slightly puffy...I got my answer. Yes it really did. God this day has been such a roller coaster of emotions. You would think this would be something I was used to, considering the past two years of my life, but going from one emotion to another so quickly leaves me mentally and physically drained. Edward's kisses seemed to act as a balm to my tattered nerves. It took us a while to get through everything but in the end it was all worth it. I was his and he was mine. It was official and I couldn't be happier about it. I really didn't want him to leave, but knew that he needed to get back to his room. I also needed to get to bed. I had quite a bit of sleep to catch up on and a busy few days ahead. I was drifting off to sleep, just thinking about the crazy road Edward and I had traveled to get to this point when Alice came bouncing in the room. As tired as I was, I couldn't deny her.

"Bellllaaaa?" She sang out in her sweet soprano voice. "I know you're awake...I can see the smile on your face."

My eyes popped open and I jumped at her close proximity. I wasn't expecting her to be nose to nose with me.

"Alice, what they hell. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I laughed.

"Cut to the chase...Can I assume that things are finally settled with you and my brother? I want information."

I started to object because I really was tired when she cut me off.

"Just the basics...I'll get the details later. Just answer the most important question."

I couldn't help the face splitting grin that erupted.

"Yes Alice. We figured it all out and we are officially together. Seems you do know what you're talking about after all."

She squealed and jumped into bed with me.

"Oh I am so happy for the two of you. You both have found your other half...I just know it. And as you now know, you don't bet against me."

And it was scary how much I was inclined to agree with her. I hadn't known Edward long, but the connection I felt to him was undeniable. It didn't take a lot of effort to picture a life with him. And as much as that should terrify me, it didn't. It made me feel hopeful. Hopeful because for the first time since James caused chaos in my life, I felt optimistic about my future. I looked forward to it and I felt that I deserved to have a shot at being happy. It's amazing how much can change in such a short amount of time. Moving to Washington has by far been the best decision of my life.

"I know Alice. I wouldn't dream of betting against you."

"Well, get your beauty sleep. I know you have a hot coffee date in the morning. Weird...my brother has a coffee date in the morning too. Are you by chance sneaking around behind my back?" She asked in her best conspiratorial voice. Then giggled to herself all the way to the bathroom. She truly was a great friend.

"Night Alice." I yelled and then rolled over and promptly fell asleep.

For the first time in a really long time, I didn't dream. My sleep was restful and peaceful. A great deal of weight had been lifted from my shoulders over the past 24 hours and it was like I could finally take a deep fulfilling breath.

I awoke before my alarm and decided to get a head start on the day. I jumped in the shower and let the hot water wash over me. I was amazed at how relaxed I was. By the time I finished my shower, Alice was up and moving. She was laying out an outfit for me and getting her hair supplies ready.

"Any reason you are dressing me today?" I asked.

"Don't you want to look hot for your boyfriend?" She winked.

I stopped dead in my tracks. _Boyfriend_. The thought of Edward officially being my boyfriend gave me all sorts of butterflies in my stomach and made me cheeks turn pink. It wasn't like I didn't know that's what he was, but hearing someone else say it made it more real.

"Do your best." I smiled.

Laying on my bed was a skirt and top I hadn't seen before.

"Ummm...Alice? Did you go shopping again?"

"Don't know what you're talking about. Now just put it on and get your butt over here."

Not feeling in the mood to press her for more information, I did as she asked. I put the ensemble on and took a good look at my reflection in the mirror...and it did look good on me. I pushed my feet in the boots that were beside my bed and finally sat down in Alice's torture chair. But if I was being honest, I didn't mind it so much anymore. She spent a few minutes drying my hair and then straightening it. After my hair was 'perfect' she moved on to make up, keeping it light and fresh. I hooked my charm bracelet around my wrist and she declared me 'too hot for her emo brother' before I kindly reminded her that there would be no talking bad about my boyfriend. We instantly feel into a pile of giggles. That only attracted the attention of Rose and Angela.

"Can we join?" They asked in unison.

After our pile up and a brief summary of the previous day, I grabbed my messenger bag and started to make my way to the door.

"Oh, before I forget. I'm cooking supper tonight. Invite the guys."

They agreed and i bounced out of the room, anxious to get to the coffee shop. I felt like I was floating more so than walking and it was the strangest sensation. My mind was still trying to process all the revelations of the past few days. Top that off with the weightlessness I was feeling and well...someone passing by probably thought I was high on something. In a sense they would be right. At this moment I was high on life, as cliche as it sounds, but it was the God's honest truth. I hadn't felt this free in almost two years. The only thing that was capable of pulling me from this blissful thoughts was the main reason behind my new found freedom. Edward. He was standing outside the coffee shop waiting for me with a toothpaste commercial worthy smile spread across his gorgeous face. He started walking towards me and in that moment life was perfect.

"Hi." He spoke softly as he took me into his arms.

"Hi yourself." I was overcome by the man standing before me and barely held on to my emotions. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face down to meet mine, all the while pulling and tugging at his hair. Our lips met in a soft delicate kiss that quickly deepened and turned ravenous, both of us forgetting that we were standing in the middle of rush hour student traffic. A loud and familiar voice broke us from our trance.

"Get a room!" The voice shouted and of course I turned three shades of red.

"Good morning Emmett. So nice to see you Emmett. Don't you have somewhere you need to be Emmett?" I replied with as much aggravation as I could muster while grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh come on kiddo. You KNOW I couldn't pass by and not say something. That just wouldn't be me." He laughed. "So I take it congratulations is officially in order?"

"Absolutely." Edward responded while shaking Em's outstretched hand.

"Well I'm fucking glad the two of you finally figured your shit out." And as crass as Em was, I knew that was his way of letting us know that he was genuinely happy for us.

"Well what else would you expect from an emo recluse and an over thinker? It takes us types a while to 'work through our shit' as you so eloquently put it." Edward deadpanned and Em laughed so hard he nearly toppled over.

"Well I'll let you two kids get back to it...but you may want to save some of that for later. You were drawing quite a crowd when I walked up."

"Thanks Em. Edward does tend to distract me. Oh, I'm cooking supper tonight, lasagna and all the trimmings. Rose will probably pass the message along too. I figured we could eat around 7:00 and then play some rock band afterwards."

"If you're cooking, I'm in. I'll see you two tonight. And seriously, no bullshitting, I'm happy for you two. But Edward I feel I have to warn you...you hurt my lil sis here and I'll kick your ass." He grinned and walked off.

"Does he think I'm stupid enough to do that. Damn between Jacob, Felix, Em, and your dad...well let's just say I'm more than aware of what will happen to me if I hurt you." And I had to laugh at his expression. Slightly pained and amused all at the same time.

"Come of lover boy...coffee awaits."

"Lover boy? I think I could get used to that."

We ordered our coffee and decided to split a danish and a muffin. We got settled at a table and started talking. Things between us just seemed so natural. There was no awkward silences or pregnant pauses. Conversation just flowed and in the instance that there was silence, it was comfortable. After we finished our coffee and pastries, he walked me to the music building. I was reluctant to leave his side but knew I didn't have any other choice.

"Can I meet up with you after your classes today?" He sheepishly asked.

"Of course. I have to go to the grocery store and cook but you are more than welcome to join me."

"Call me when you're finished with your last class? I can pick you up from the dorm and drive you to the store."

"Sounds perfect." I replied as he brought his lips to mine for one more kiss. After a quick goodbye I made my way to Dr. Smithwick's office.

My lesson went surprisingly well, considering how distracted I was. Dr. Smithwick noticed...not my distraction but my whole demeanor. She told me that my entire countenance had completely changed.

"You look, I want to say relieved, but that isn't quite right. You seem less stressed, like things are finally falling into place." She observed.

"Actually things are wonderful. I've come to some very important decisions about my life over the past few days. Ones I hope will allow me to really live my life."

She was extremely happy for me, especially once I told her about my plans to return home to put those ghosts to rest. She expressed her concerns but supported me 100%. We settled plans for Saturday dinner with her and her husband, which lead into a conversation about the state of mine and Edward's relationship. She expressed genuine happiness for me...him as well. She knew that something bad had happened in his life last year, although she didn't know the details.

After I confirmed her address one more time, I had to attend the rest of the days classes. This wasn't an easy task. But I somehow managed to get through the day, although not completely Edward free. We exchanged a few texts between classes and as promised, I called him when my last class was finished. And just as he promised, he was waiting for me at the dorm.

He greeted me with a mind blowing kiss followed by a body crushing hug.

"I could get used to this." I sighed as he put my feet back on the ground.

"Well I for one certainly won't be complaining. I think I rather like this greeting." He smiled that crooked smile, pausing a moment before continuing.

"However, I must insist that I'm the only one you greet this way."

"Well that goes for you too Cullen. What's fair for the goose and all..."

We continued to pick on one another all the way to the store. Shopping with Edward was...an experience. He was like a kid in a candy store, throwing all types of junk food in the cart. I had to remind him that I was actually planning on cooking enough for a small army and I'd be very disappointed if he spoiled his dinner with all that junk.

"I get it...Mom." He chastised me. Which only made me laugh harder. To appease him, I let him choose dessert. I shouldn't have been so surprised when he picked worms and dirt.

"What...it's Alice's favorite."

"Riiiiggghhhtt. I'm sure this has nothing to do with your proclivities."

"Big words for such a little thing." He teased.

"You're asking for it Cullen. You don't want to meet my right hook. Just ask Jake." I laughed.

"That reminds me...exactly how did you break his finger?"

I think my jaw hit the floor.

"How did you know about that?" I asked while turning red.

"Jake...well technically Jasper, but Jake told everyone on Sunday night after...well you know, after we got back from the 'Jessica' encounter, that you could take care of yourself. Jasper thought it was hilarious that you actually broke Jake's finger. Said that Jake even admitted to getting beat up by you more than his male ego would like to think about."

"Well, he shouldn't have volunteered to be my sparring partner...especially when he wasn't even taking the class." I nearly shouted in my defense.

"Babe, I like a woman who can protect me. I think it's hot." He said while winking at me.

"You really are asking for it."

"Okay okay, I'll stop. Just please don't be mad at me." And how could I not comply...especially when he as giving me that pout.

"C'mere." And I planted a kiss right on his lips, while standing in the middle of the frozen food aisle.

After our little show of affection down aisle thirteen, we made our way to the check out. Although dinner was my treat to everyone, Edward paid for everything despite my protest. But I was in too much of a good mood to argue with him about it. I started the prep work for the lasagna as soon as we made it back to the dorm. Edward was actually quite helpful. Our conversation was light and our interaction was playful. I loved this side of Edward. After assembling the lasagna and putting it in the oven, we started on the dessert. He assured me that it really was one of Alice's favorites and that she would be really excited that I made it for her.

We stayed in the kitchen area to keep an eye on the food as it was cooking. The others knew what time to be here, so I wasn't worried about tracking them down. Edward decided that tickling me would be the best way to pass the time. I'm extremely ticklish so I didn't agree, but luckily I found a few places on him that made him dissolve in giggles as well. Hearing Edward giggle only made me laugh harder. It was such an amazing sound. After both calling 'uncle' and catching our breaths, we found ourselves backed up to the counter, me trapped between the two. All playfulness vanished.

Edward slowly brought his hand to my face and gently ran his fingers over my eyes, down my nose, across my cheeks, and stopped on my lips. I didn't even realize that I was biting my bottom lip until he gently pulled on it with his thumb of one hand while his other hand was resting on my neck.

"Do you have any idea what that does to me?" And his voice was like nothing I'd ever heard before. It was so full of emotion, desire being one of them and I was sure I detected another, but I was scared to hope. It was much to soon to possess that particular feeling...wasn't it?

Both of his hands were now on my face and his fingers slowly caressed my cheek, then moved to stroke the column of my neck and continued to my shoulders, across my collarbone, and down my arms, until his hands were intertwined with mine. I could feel more of his body as he pressed ever so slightly against me and it was a delicious sensation. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and my breathing was starting to pick up. Just when I thought I'd explode from anticipation, his lips met mine. We exchanged a few chaste kisses, which turned into open mouth kisses. It wasn't enough for me so I ran my tongue lightly across his bottom lip earning a low groan from him. His tongue quickly invaded my mouth and I was lost in the taste and feel of him. I broke the connection of our hands and like a magnet, they found their way to his hair where I couldn't resist the urge to tug on his silky strands.

His hands found their way to my hips and he roughly pulled me closer as he broke away for air and started kissing down my neck. We were completely lost in one another, not caring where we were. That is until three things happened simultaneously. The oven timer dinged. Alice squealed, and Emmett...being Emmett made yet another inappropriate comment.

"Well I hope you two at least kept things clean while you were making the food."

Which was promptly followed by the sound of Rosalie's hand making contact with the back of his head. Will he ever learn? And I quickly answered my own internal question. No he wouldn't. I swear it's like some weird type of foreplay for those two. And then I was even more shocked at my internal monologue...since when did it start thinking of things like that? Oh yeah, around the time I started thinking about Edward non stop.

Reluctantly we broke apart to greet our friends, choosing to ignore Em's comment and instead accepted all the congratulations that were thrown our way.

"Guess I don't need to ask how your talk went, do I?" Jake asked as he gave me a hug. I just smiled at him.

Everyone loaded up their plates and we sat around the table and discussed the events of the past week. It was still hard to believe that it was less than a week ago that my birthday had occurred. I made sure to express how grateful I was to Alice for everything she planned to make it a birthday I would never forget. Everyone else agreed that she did an awesome job. Thankfully the topic of my solo dance in the club wasn't discussed at length. I needed more liquid courage before I could do that. I'm a strange creature, I know. Once the lasagna was gone, yes I do mean completely gone, it was time for dessert.

"Alice...what's your favorite dessert?" I had to know before I brought it to the table.

"Okay, so you are all totally going to laugh at me, but it reminds me of when me and Edward were little kids. Worms and dirt."

"See, I told you. And you thought I was kidding." Edward said in satisfaction.

I sat the big pan of worms and dirt in front of Alice and just as Edward predicted, she went nuts. I didn't think she was going to let anyone else have any. She ate more of it than anyone did. Who knew she'd be so happy over pudding and gummy worms...

Alice shooed me and Edward back to the room to set up Rock Band while everyone else cleaned up the dishes. We didn't object.

"Oh, before I forget. Dr. Smithwick is planning for dinner around 7 at her place on Saturday night. She said we could come over around 6 if we wanted to. Are you still up for going?"

"Of course. I'm looking forward to observing her outside of the classroom. It's still hard for me to reconcile the image she has around the music department with the person you know." He admitted.

"I think there is something you need to know before Saturday. She knows something went on with you last year, but she has no idea what. Just that you went through something that was difficult."

"Did she say something to you about it?" And I could see the concern on his face.

"Not really, just that she knew you went through something and that she was happy that we had worked out our relationship. She really is an incredible person Edward. Please just keep an open mind and don't let what you've heard about her color your opinion of her. I know you've dealt with her as a professor, but have you ever considered that your perception of her may have been skewed because of what you were going through?"

He seemed to contemplate this theory for a few minutes before responding.

"Yeah, I guess I could have. I've never really thought of it that way."

We got all the instruments out for Rock Band and waited for the others to join us. I was looking forward to this since it was the first time Edward had joined us. For some inexplicable reason, I wanted to hear him sing. The gang made it back to the room about fifteen minutes later and the fun began. Em offered to make his drinks for everyone, but we all declined.

An hour into playing, I thought I was going to lose my supper due to how hard I was convulsing in laughter. Em had just finished a two song stretch singing 'Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld' and 'Blitzkrieg Bop' and it wasn't just his singing that had me on the floor...his dancing contributed.

And I got my wish to hear Edward sing; several times. I think my favorite song he sang was 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl' by Jet. My favorite because he sang it directly to me and I nearly jumped him right in front of all of our friends. I knew I needed to get those thoughts under control. It was way too soon in our relationship to be having them. But as much as it scared me, it also excited me.

It had to be a good sign that I could have those thoughts and not panic, hadn't it? As it stands, Edward and I have done more than just chaste kissing. Our kisses had gotten pretty intense and heated and our hands had done a little innocent exploring as well. So far; no anxiety, panic, or fear. I was ecstatic about that fact. Maybe the physical aspect of a relationship wouldn't be as big of a hurdle as I originally anticipated. I had high hopes and couldn't wait to talk to Dr. Kym about it; Edward as well.

After another hour, Edward and I excused ourselves to my room. He could tell that something was on my mind and didn't hesitate in bringing it up.

"Everything okay Bella? You seem excited yet contemplative about something."

I answered without any hesitation.

"Well, I was just thinking that so far I've been a very willing and eager participant in the physical parts of our relationship and there hasn't been the first glimmer or panic or anxiety. That's got to be a good thing, right? I mean, I know we've only kissed and innocently touched, but I'm still hopeful that it will carry over to other things, once we've decided we are ready for more." And I didn't even blush when I said it.

Edward just smiled brightly at me.

"Let's hope so. But no matter what, Bella, just know we'll get through it together. We'll do whatever it takes for you to be comfortable with all aspects of our relationship. Not just the physical. I'm here for you."

"I know Edward. The same goes for you. I know I'm not the only one that has potential hang ups. But I agree. We'll get through it together."

"Now get over here so we can test your theory some more." He winked and gave me that crooked smile, ensuring my compliance.

After a few minutes of sweet kisses, he brought up our date for tomorrow night.

"Bella, I was wondering. Could we just hang out tomorrow? Do something low key? It's just been such a heavy week."

"I think that's a great idea. We could do something simple for dinner and maybe hit the practice rooms afterwards? I'd like to work on our piece some more. You may even be able to convince me to bring my clarinet."

"That's perfect. And I would more than love to hear you play the clarinet. I've actually been wanting to ask you to play for me for a while now, but I know how private and personal music can be to someone and didn't want to overstep or make you feel pressured."

"I appreciate that, but please don't ever be hesitant to ask me about music. It's the one thing in my life that I don't mind sharing with others. Oh, and I know this isn't a typical date activity, but I was thinking that after dinner and playing we might find somewhere quiet to work on some homework. I don't want to be stressed with it all weekend and since we have plans for Saturday and I was hoping to spend the day together on Sunday, well I'd just like to get it done."

"Once again, you've read my mind. I like the idea of getting homework and studying out of the way so we can focus on the rest of the weekend."

We made plans to meet up after our classes at the library to start on our homework and studying. Luckily we both had easy days, so we'd have a lot of time to finish any assignments before we started our first official date. I had never been more excited at the thought of homework in my life.

Sometime later, I heard and saw the flash from a camera and for once, we weren't caught making out. We had actually fallen asleep on my bed. Edward had hooked his iPod up to my dock and we were listening to some of his compositions while we talked in quiet voices. I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed and at peace. I vaguely remember Edward kissing me good night before leaving. And I had no recollection of changing into my pajamas. But I do remember the dream I had, in vivid detail, when Edward told me he loved me.

Alice corralled me into breakfast on Friday morning. She said she missed me and wanted to spend time with me, but I knew the truth; she just wanted details. I kidded her about it but we really did miss our time together. As per our norm, I filled up a tray with pancakes, french toast, and bacon and Alice filled her tray with fresh fruit, yogurt, juice, and milk. We then each filled our plates from the food on the two trays. This kept us from making multiple trips and waiting in unnecessary lines. Our system worked.

I gave Alice the full story, barely breathing between bites of food and our conversation. It wasn't until I looked at my watch that I noticed Alice had herded me out of the room over 30 minutes earlier than normal. She was a smart one, I'll give her that. But she offered commentary in all the right places and squeals where required. She was overly animated about the whole thing, extremely happy for Edward and I. But I never expected anything less from her. This was Alice after all and I love her dearly. I know I've said it before, but she is so much more than a friend to me. She is more like a sister. Well now that is an intriguing thought...

"So, do you have plans tonight? We really need some girl time with Angela and Rose."

"Actually Edward and I are meeting up after our classes are out today."

"Anything exciting planned?"

"Well we think so but you probably wouldn't."

Alice feigned hurt.

"We are planning to study and do some homework. We don't want to have to worry with it over the weekend. We also talked about working on our composition and I told him I'd play my clarinet for him. We'll grab food in there at some point. Depending on what we get accomplished and how late it is, we may watch a movie too. I guess I just want to take it easy. It's been a crazy week and we just need some down time."

"You two are just perfect for each other. I keep saying it but it's really amazing to me just how 'right' you really are for the other. Definitely a match made in heaven. 'So this is love'." She sang out.

"Alice, I think you need to lay off the Disney movies for a while." I laughed.

"No way. Every little girl wants to be a princess when they grow up."

"But you're already grown Alice. Is Jasper a prince and you just forgot to tell us about it?"

"Haha, funny Bella. But since you asked...yes Jasper is a prince. He is my perfect prince charming." She swooned and I faked gagged.

"You know as an adult watching those movies, I really feel Disney does a disservice to kids. Little girls want to grow up to be Princesses and for some reason being daddy's little princess is never enough for them. These girls grow up with unrealistic expectations and think that they are owed whatever their hearts desire. Good luck to the men in their lives. As for the boys; well they'll never live up to the images of the prince. So they are just screwed all the way around." I really didn't feel that way but this was an argument that Katie, Elizabeth, Jake, and I always had just to see who could come up with the most ridiculous theories.

Alice was looking at me slacked jawed and her eyes were glazed over. I burst into laughter.

"Alice, I'm just joking." I then explained the reason behind my outburst.

"It's so good to see you happy and even more so to hear you talking about them." She said as she grabbed my hand. Alice was truly a genuine soul.

I hugged Alice and assured her I'd get up with her later. She was such a momma hen. Always wanting to know where her babies were. I sent a quick text to Edward and then walked into my first class. I've never been more thankful that I have a short schedule on Friday as I was today. That meant more time with Edward. I had a feeling this could become a Friday routine for us pretty quickly. Crazy how I'm already thinking about a routine. For crying out loud I haven't even seen him yet today. Yep, I've got it bad.

Edward and I exchanged a few texts through out the day and it seemed he was just as anxious as I was to meet up. My last class of the day was released early so I made my way to the library to wait for Edward. I decided to call my mom and dad to confirm the plans for my trip home. They had already coordinated flight information and bought the tickets. They were able to get us three seats together, so it seemed that everything for the trip was set. I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach when I hung up the phone, but I didn't know if that was from the anticipation of going back to Phoenix or whether it was because I was waiting for Edward. I suspected it was Edward.

Almost like he was reading my mind, Edward's arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me towards him.

"Hey my wonderful, beautiful, sexy, intelligent, out of this world girlfriend."

"Well now that's a greeting. I almost feel like I need to ask what you did and why you're sucking up to me." I laughed.

"Can't I just want to lavish my girlfriend with truths and let her know how much I missed her?"

"I think I can get used to that. Plus, I missed you too...my handsome, super sweet, adorable, sexy boyfriend." And it was his turn to laugh.

"Can I kiss you now?"

"You never have to ask for permission to do that."

So there we stood in front of the library on a Friday afternoon, making out. Only the cat calls of passing students interrupted our publicly private moment. And it seemed that we were cursed to constantly be caught by our friends. This time it was Felix. He just shook his head at us and told us to take it somewhere more private, laughed, and walked away.

"You know...in the past 48 hours we've been caught by every one of our friends. And as embarrassed as I thought that would make me...I could care less. Now kiss me again." I demanded, even surprising myself.

"I like that idea."

He gave me a quick kiss and then laughed at me when I pouted.

"Bella, as much as I'd really like to continue this, we need to get into the library and do some homework. I don't want to have to worry with that this weekend. Plus the quicker we get this done, the quicker we can get back to what we were just doing."

And I hated to agree with him, but he was right. We spent a few hours working on homework and then decided to head back to my room so I could grab my clarinet. Edward had the foresight to reserve us a room for later in the day so we were guaranteed some practice time. He blocked us off two hours; one hour in each of our names. We walked hand in hand into my suite and were met with a pretty hilarious site...Angela was sitting on Em's chest holding him down and flipping through a magazine while Rose was brandishing a bottle of candy apple red nail polish in one hand and the nail polish brush in the other; painting his toes.

"Oh. My. God. Do NOT let him move. I have to have photographic evidence of this moment." I shouted as I sprinted to my room to fetch my camera leaving a snorting Edward behind.

"Please Bells...don't do this to me. I will do anything you want. Just don't take that picture." He pleaded.

"Not a chance in hell big brother. Not after all your comments of the past few days. Let's just consider this paying it forward for all the lude comments that I'm sure you plan to throw at me and Edward in the future." I laughed.

"Why don't you just toss Angela off your chest dude?" Edward questioned while smiling at Angela.

"Don't think I haven't thought about it...a few hundred times in the last ten minutes. But my mom will kick my ass if Angela even gets so much as a scratch on her. Trust me, she's done it before. There doesn't even have to be proof. My own mother believes my baby cousin over her own son. Where is the justice?"

"Sucks to be you." Was all Edward managed between laughs.

I got my proof, lots of it, and joined in the laughter. I found out this was one of the punishments that Rose inflicted on Emmett when he pissed her off. Apparently she had quite the arsenal of punishments.

"This is one from my psychological warfare list of tortures. Nothing hurts Em worse than being emasculated. What can be more emasculating than having bright red toes nails...if you're a straight guy that is."

"What did you do this time Emma?" And if looks could kill, I'd be dead.

"Oh, I like that. I think I'll keep it. Thanks Bella."

"Rosie...isn't this torture enough? You can't seriously be considering calling me Emma." He spat.

"You bet your ass I intend to."

"Come on Bells, help me out. Please tell her that this punishment does not fit the crime."

"Well you need to tell me what the crime was first."

"Dumb ass here thought it would be funny to answer my cell while I was in the bathroom. Typically I could care less if he does that. However, the first thing out of his mouth was 'Rosie's house of sexual pleasures. We go long and hard all night long. How may I be of service', and this jackass didn't check the caller ID. It was my mother!"

"Em...or should I say Emma. You're getting away pretty damn easy in my opinion. I'm surprised Rose hasn't castrated you yet."

"Please don't giver her any ideas. I need my man bits and after she cools off she'll realize she needs them too."

Wrong thing to say. Rose got the most wicked gleam in her eyes I have ever seen.

"Angela. Think you could hang out with Jake for a little while? I know Bella will be out most of the night and so will Alice. I think I need a little alone time with Emma here." Rose asked.

"No problem. Just don't kill him. He may be a pain in the ass, but he's still family. Mom wouldn't be pleased to have to interrupt her vacation to attend his funeral."

Everyone laughed; except Emmett.

"Oh Rosie. Come on baby. You're mom thought it was funny. She knows how I am."

"That's not relevant and you know that. You're just lucky it wasn't my father that answered the phone."

We left the two of them to their fun and games and headed towards the music building. Angela walked with us until we reached Jake's dorm, where he was impatiently waiting for her already. He gave me a quick hug, did the man hug with Edward, and then he and Angela left to go see a movie.

Edward and I decided we'd grab supper after practice. I was anxious to get back to work on our piano piece. We hadn't worked on it in over a week and I had lots of ideas bouncing around in my head; including writing in a clarinet part. The thought of Edward and I performing a duet together excited me. But the thought of playing the clarinet in front of him did make me slightly nervous, not because I didn't like to play for people. I just didn't want to disappoint him.

"So how do you want to do this?" He asked once we got settled in the room. He was already pulling out his composition notebook and running his fingers over the keys.

"Well I figured we could work on the composition first and then maybe just play some pieces for fun. I do need to work on a few pieces for class but other than that, I'm up for anything."

"Sounds good to me but I have a suggestion. What do you think about adding the clarinet to our piece?"

"Are you sure you aren't a mind reader? I was thinking the same thing."

"Not a mind reader. We just have that crazy frequency thing going on, remember? It really does come in handy. Plus, I just think we're really in sync with one another. Great minds and all." He smiled and winked at me. My knees started to go weak.

We brushed up on what had already been written and warmed up on the piano. I then put my clarinet together and did some warm up scales and a few warm up pieces.

"Before we write in an accompanying line, will you play something for me? Something original?" And he was just too cute for me to deny.

"I will, but only for you. Like I've said before, I'm not the best composer."

"And like I've said before; you underestimate yourself."

After considering the pieces that I had composed, I finally settled on the most recent. I was surprised at how easily I was able to play it. Typically I end up an emotional mess when I play this piece. But I guess this is yet another sign that I really am healing. The piece represented the lowest point in my life as well as the hope and optimism I was hoping would once come my way again. When I finished the piece, I was nervous to look at Edward but I should have known he would understand what the piece was about.

"That was magnificent Bella. You wrote that recently didn't you? It reflects what you went through in Phoenix, but I could detect undertones of hope. What's it called?"

"Yeah, it's my most recent. And you're correct...it is about what happened in Phoenix. It's called 'Il mio cuore'."

"My Heart."

"You know Italian?" But I knew it was a stupid question. Of course he knew Italian; most people who are immersed in music do know a little Italian. Wonder if I could get him to speak Italian to me?

"I know enough to get by. That really was a beautiful piece. I'm almost fearful to admit this to you, but I've never really been fond of clarinet solos but you make the clarinet sing in a way I've never heard." He sheepishly admitted.

I had to feign hurt and anger, but the look on his face broke down my resolve. He just smiled shyly at me before continuing.

"But I'm sure you could play anything and it would entrance me." Ahhh...swoon.

I played Flight of the Bumblebee for him and then we got to work on our piece and we were able to weave in a very beautiful clarinet harmony line to what we had already written.

"I think this is going to be perfect. But I do have a request, well more like a demand. So far this piece has focused mainly on the piano but I'd like to write in a melody line for the clarinet at some point and give the piano the harmony. You play much too beautifully to not get your chance to shine." And I couldn't help my ever present blush.

"Seems I've changed your opinion on clarinet solos."

"Amongst other things..." he whispered and shot me a look that was so full of meaning I nearly cried.

Edward relinquished the piano bench to me when we had 30 minutes of practice time left so I could work on a few pieces that I had been assigned. I thought that having Edward there would be a distraction but it was actually quite helpful. I was able to focus more on what I was doing and had a very productive practice.

"I think you're a good luck charm Mr. Cullen. I can't remember the last time I had such a productive practice. We'll have to do this more often." I said as we made our way back to his room.

We were planning to drop off his books and my clarinet and then walk to the pub close to campus and split some wings and cheese fries.

"That can be arranged Miss Swan. I had a lot of fun and our piece is really coming along."

We walked into his room expecting it to be empty but were instead greeting with Alice straddling Jasper's lap.

"Arggg...Alice, Jazz. I did not need to see that."

Alice fell off Jasper's lap laughing and Jasper jumped up, threw his hands in the air and started stuttering.

"It..it, it was he..her fault. She, she...she attacked me."

This caused us all to break out in laughter. Once we calmed down we invited them to supper with us. Apparently Rose was still in the middle of punishing Emmett and none of us wanted to be witness to that. We made it to the pub and placed our order.

"Bella, we're having a girls day tomorrow. Oh and the guys are hanging out too. Just thought I'd let you know Edward."

"That's fine Alice, but Edward and I have plans tomorrow night. We're having supper with my mentor; Dr. Smithwick. So I need time to get ready for that."

"Not a problem. I was thinking we could have brunch and then hit the spa for mani's, pedi's, and maybe a facial. I texted Rose earlier about it. That's how I found out that I still needed to avoid the suite for a while longer. I've already called Angela and she is fine with it."

"Yeah, her and Jake were going to the movies and then maybe out to dinner. So what are the guys doing tomorrow?" I asked.

"Not sure, probably some video games. You know...'guy stuff' is what Emmett said."

"I think I'm worried for the guys." I laughed and Jasper and Edward agreed.

We talked a little more before our food came out and then the conversation turned to my trip back to Phoenix. Since Jake and I were going to be gone for Fall Break, Alice was going to see if everyone else wanted to go back to Forks for the long weekend. I was kinda jealous that I'd get left out of that trip, but knew I'd have plenty of opportunities to spend time there in the upcoming months...and years. After paying for our food, Alice and Jasper decided to just ride around Seattle for a little while to give Rose more time to torture Em. Edward and I went back to his room, planning on finishing up the rest of the weeks homework.

"Do you have much work left?" He asked with a hopeful gleam in his eye.

"I have a little more reading to do, but probably not more than an hours worth. Do you have much more?"

"About the same as you. How about I put on some music and we finish up?"

"That sounds good. But you better behave. The quicker we get this done, the quicker we can get to...other things." I winked.

"I like the way you think."

We spent the next hour laying on his bed reading our respective books and letting the music fill the quiet of the room. Every now and then, Edward's hand would graze the side of my leg or caress the back of my hand. In turn I would run my foot along his calf and pull my fingers through his hair. It was a very tense hour, but we managed to get through the rest of our work.

"It's amazing how good it feels to be finished with assignments and not have to worry about them for the rest of the weekend. Now we can just focus on relaxing and enjoying the weekend." Edward observed.

"I used to look forward to homework and reading on the weekends back in Phoenix. It kept my mind somewhat occupied, especially when Jake couldn't be there. But I think I'm really going to like not having assignments on the weekends now."

"I think this is a routine that I can get used to. What cha think? Do we have a standing date on Fridays? Meet up after class at the library for a few hours, practice room, supper, my room to finish up any remaining work..."

"And now what do we do?" I asked, trying to sound flirtatious.

"Well since this is uncharted territory and we have no precedents to follow, I say we get to wing it...do what we want. So what is it that you want to do?" He answered back, sounding way too seductive for his or my own good.

So I did the only thing that I'd been dying to do. I pounced on him, scattering our books and causing them to hit the floor with a resounding 'thud' but I just couldn't find it in me to care. My sudden aggression caught Edward by surprise and it took him a few seconds to get his lips to respond to mine. I found myself in the compromising position of straddling his hips and laying on top of him. Did I feel embarrassed? Nope. But I did have other feelings that I'm sure I wasn't ready for yet. I pushed down the slight panic that started to rise and concentrated on the feel of his lips against mine, the way his tongue tangled with mine, the feel of his hair in my fingers, the way my body molded against his, and the rather impressive bulge in his pants that was currently pressing against my stomach. Instead of causing me to feel anxious, I felt a calm rightness. I wasn't ready to go further yet, but the thought of it didn't send me in a tail spin.

Edward's hands were softly running up and down my back, caressing my sides in such a light touch that it almost tickled. His right hand found it's way to the nape of my neck where he promptly tangled his fingers into my hair. He pulled my head back slightly and started moving his lips down my throat, placing feather light kisses in a burning trail until he reached the collar of my shirt. He traced the path back to my lips and became more aggressive as he pushed his tongue back into my mouth. I couldn't help the moan that reverberated in my throat. Almost like it was an unconscious automatic response, Edward's hips ground into mine causing me to gasp at the sensation and push back against him. His hands quickly landed on my hips and pushed me down with more force than I was expecting. I couldn't deny that I was enjoying this...too much actually and I knew I needed to slow things down. I wasn't ready for anything more and deep down I had no doubt that Edward felt the same way.

I slowed down our kiss and brought my hands to cup his face. Finally breaking away from his lips, I placed a soft kiss on each closed eye, then down to his cheeks, his nose, and finally one last chaste kiss on his oh so kissable lips.

"Edward...as much as I'm enjoying this, and god believe me I am; I think we need to slow down for the night." I prayed that he wouldn't take that wrong.

"You're right. It's just so easy to let myself get carried away with you. I'm sorry if I pushed."

"You did no such thing. If I remember correctly, I'm the one who jumped on you. And I agree, it's much to easy to get carried away. I never thought I'd be this comfortable with someone but everything with you just feels...right. And as much as my body is telling me to keep going, I know we aren't ready for more than what we've already done. I want to do things right with you Edward."

"Hey, don't worry. I'm not upset. I'm in complete sync with you. One of us needs to keep a clear head." He laughed.

"Well you better not count on that person always being me. I may not have a lot of experience but that doesn't mean I don't think about things and want them."

And he groaned. Full out groaned and threw his hands over his face while pushing his head back into his pillow. Guess that wasn't the right thing to say. And of course I laughed at him.

"Bella, dear god. Are you trying to kill me? You can't say stuff like that to me. Causes too many naughty images to fill my head and after all, I may be a gentleman but shit...I'm still a man." He laughed and removed his hands from his face while winking at me.

I still couldn't get over how comfortable I was talking to Edward about these things much less actually doing things with him. Even if it was only heavy kissing and some touches. It gave me even more hope that when the time came to progress in our physical relationship that things wouldn't be complicated but easy and natural.

"Okay sweetheart...let's watch a movie. Do you have any preferences? You can check out mine and Jazz's collection."

It took me a matter of seconds to choose a movie and when I handed it to Edward he looked surprised and then nodded in agreement.

"The Shawshank Redemption. One of my favorites. It totally got robbed of the Oscar. I mean, Forest Gump is a great movie, but come on. No way in hell it's a better movie than Shawshank."

"Yes! Finally someone agrees with me. Forest Gump was a great movie but it was too long and I felt like I was being dragged along quite a bit of it. Tom Hanks did a great job. But there wasn't a dull moment in Shawshank. I actually cried when it was over because I wanted more. Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman made a kick ass team in that movie. Two of my favorite movie scenes take place in that movie. I get chills every time I watch Andy throw his head back and let the rain wash him free of the sewage he crawled through. And lord knows I can't stop the tears when Red finds Andy on the beach. The last fading shot of them on the beach...well it's just priceless."

"Will you marry me?" Edward asked before giving me a heart breaking smile.

"Honestly Bella, I swear you were made just for me."

And yep I was swooning once again. Instead of answering, which I wasn't capable of at the moment, I just gave him a quick kiss and then snuggled into his side while we watched one of the greatest movies ever. It's a great testament to how much we both really liked the movie that we actually watched the movie in his dark room. We shared a few kisses and touches here and there, but we genuinely watched the movie. Around 11:30, I knew I needed to get back to my room. Plus I didn't want Edward walking across campus by himself too terrible late. Yeah he's a guy, but I'm still allowed to worry.

But my worrying was for nothing. Alice and Jasper were both at the suite when we got there. So Edward and Jasper were going to walk back to their room together. Rose's tormenting of Em ended a few hours ago, but not before both his hands and feet suffered through a manicure and pedicure. He was also given a facial and then the cake topper...Rose actually waxed his chest and back. Oh did I mention she did all this while wearing Em's favorite piece of lingerie. He was forbidden to touch her. Guess he'll think twice about answering her phone without checking the caller ID.

After a quick round of kisses, hugs, and goodbye's to our guys; Alice and I crawled into our beds and were quickly asleep.

When I woke up and saw that it was already after 9 in the morning, I was shocked that Alice hadn't jumped in my bed yet. That didn't last long.

"Good grief Bella...I thought you were going to sleep all day. I was getting ready to wake you up. Come up and get up. We are leaving in an hour for brunch. Here's a coffee...just the way you like it. Drink up and hit the showers."

"Alice, I love you dearly; but do you think you could tone it down just a bit. Maybe take it from hyper active pixie fairy to energizer bunny level?" I grumbled as I shoved my head under my pillow.

"Oh Bella, you remind me so much of Edward right now. But that's okay. I forgive you. Now. GET UP!"

"Alright, alright. I'm getting. Oh and thanks for my morning shot of caffeine."

By the time my feet hit the floor, Alice had bounced out of the room. I noticed she had already picked out my clothes for our girls day and left them hanging up on the the closet door. I downed my liquid adrenalin and then hit the showers. Thirty minutes later I was showered, dressed, and my hair was fixed. Finally feeling human, I joined the girls in the common room. Just as I was sitting down, my cell phone buzzed.

_Good morning my beautiful girlfriend. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. Have fun with the girls today._

_~Edward_

"Judging from that blush and smile, that has to be from my brother."

I just nodded my head at her while composing a reply text.

Good morning to you too, my boyfriend. I'd rather spend the day with you, but I'll try to enjoy the torture the girls have planned. Have fun with the guys. I'm sure they will be in interrogation mode.

~Bella

_I'd rather be with you too, but we can't forget our friends; as annoying as they can be :)_

_I think you'll have more of an inquisition than I will. Good luck with that. I'll call you later._

_~Edward_

Haha. Yeah you're right. Talk to you soon.

~Bella

Perfect timing...just as I was hitting the send button, Alice announced that it was time. We made our way to a new cafe that had just recently opened and had received excellent reviews. The four of us were having trouble deciding what we wanted to try; everything sounded so good. In the end, we each got something different and just passed our plates around the table. In the end, I think my favorite was the banana pancakes. Rose and Angela were about to burst with the need for information. So I filled them in on everything that had been happening over the past week. It felt good to finally have them completely in the loop. Although I was closet to Alice, I still felt a strong bond with both Angela and Rose. They laughed and then got teary eyed when I told them about the note Edward gave me. The biggest reaction came when I told them about my plans for Fall Break.

"So you're really going to go back to Phoenix?" Rose asked wearily.

"I am. It's time that I deal with what I left behind. I've learned that I can run from those demons all I want, but until I finally face them...I mean _really_ face them; it won't matter how far away I am from that place, they will always hold me back. I'm tired of letting what that bastard did continue to have any influence over my life. I've been able to see things so much more clearly since moving here. Getting away allowed me a different perspective, but I think the new friendships I've formed have helped me more than anything. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be hard. Damn hard to face Katie and even harder to meet with Elizabeth's parents, but I have to do it."

"We're here for you Bella. Just always remember that." Angela smiled at me as she squeezed my hand. Rose and Alice echoed her sentiments.

"I know and I can't tell you how much that means to me." I was on the verge of tears.

"Jake said he's going back with you. I'm really glad he can be there for you, but I'm also happy that he is also going back to put some of his issues to rest. He doesn't talk much about what happened but I can tell that there are things that he hasn't fully dealt with yet."

"That was one of the reasons I insisted that he go back with me. Angela, I can't tell you how strong Jake was for me. Hell for everybody during that time. Sometimes I wonder if he was able to properly grieve the lose of one of his best friends. But even more than that, he lost a big chunk of his life dealing with my screwed up self during my 'dark period'. I wouldn't have made it through without him. I feel so guilty about that, but at the same time I am eternally grateful that he is the type of person who would abandon everything just to be there for me. I know that makes me sound selfish, but if the roles were reversed, I would have done the same thing for him."

Alice nudged my shoulder to get my attention.

"That's not being selfish, that makes you appreciative of the friend you have been blessed with. The fact that you would do the same for him only proves how much you mean to one another. Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend like that in their lives."

I smiled at her, knowing that she was one of those friends that I would drop everything for. I made a mental note to let her just how much she means to me.

"Okay, enough of the emotional outpouring. We've got hands and feet that need to be pampered. And I have to say, after last night...I could use the stress relief. Torturing Em took a lot out of me."

The mental images that were running through my head made it hard to breath due to all the laughter. I've never been more thankful for a camera in all my life. I could not wait to upload those pictures. Charlie would definitely be getting an email full of attachments.

I actually enjoyed the time at the spa. We were able to sit side by side during our procedures and the conversation flowed easily and freely. Angela filled us in on how things were going with her and Jake. And the happiness just radiated from her. Alice was already ten shades of head of heels for Jasper. She was already planning their non existent wedding. In all likely hood, Alice had planned her dream wedding years ago and was just waiting for the groom to appear. There is no way someone could have decided on all the minute details of a hypothetical wedding to someone they'd only know a short time...but then again, we were talking about Alice.

Rose gave us a very detailed account of what she did to Em last night. I was worried that she was going to say something that would burn my brain, but our luck held out and she kept it just this side of NC-17. She really did forbid him to lay even a finger on her and she assured us that his torture was immense. After informing us just how unpleasant it is to wax your boyfriends back, she announced that we were all going out next weekend for a group date. We were all game and knew our guys wouldn't disagree.

The facial was so relaxing, that I actually fell asleep in the middle of it. On the way back to campus, Alice made an impromptu stop at the mall. Okay, so I'm pretty sure she planned it but forgot to mention it to us. Both my parents had deposited money into my account earlier in the week; despite the fact that they had already overspent for my birthday presents. But they always ignored me when I complained about them spending money on me. For once I was glad they didn't listen to me. I found quite a few outfits I liked and didn't even balk when Alice drug me into Victoria's Secret.

I was able to get away from the group for a little bit while they were corralled at the make up counter trying to decide what to buy. There was a music store that I wanted to check out, and I wasn't disappointed. During our practice time yesterday, I noticed Edward's music bag pretty worn out. Although I couldn't afford the type of messenger bag that he and Alice gave me, I knew he'd appreciate it just the same. It took a while, but by the time I checked out, I was really excited to give Edward the items I had bought for him.

Meeting back up with the girls brought on a whole new dilemma...was there enough room in the car for the four of us and ALL of our bags? It took a lot of creative configuring of bags and people, but 15 minutes later, we were finally on our way.

The day spent with the girls had worn me out and I opted for a nap before I had to get ready for dinner. I sent Edward a quick text letting him know what time to pick me up and then drifted off to a peaceful sleep. There was no need to ever set an alarm clock in our room...I think Alice thought that was part of her job description as a roommate. Once again, she had already picked out my outfit for me and as usual, I loved it. I would have thought that this type of behavior; not giving me a choice, would have bugged me. But it didn't. This was another indication that I was getting better at not having to be in control of everything. Plus, Alice had yet to steer me wrong.

I washed my face, forgoing a showering since I'd already had one this morning, and then Alice got to work on my hair. Since this wasn't a formal affair, as she put it, we decided to just put a few curls in and pin up the sides. She kept my make up light...just adding some color to my eyes and of course a quick swipe of lip gloss. Once hair and make up were finished, I slipped on the knee length pale blue dress as well as the cream cardigan. And surprise surprise...matching sandals. Edward called to let me know he was on his way and my excitement went through the roof.

"Excited much?" Alice giggled at me.

"Shut up. You of all people can't talk about my level of enthusiasm."

"Touche."

I anxiously waited for Edward in the common room. Jake and Angela were there watching a movie. Jake, of course, picked on me and Angela swatted him across the back of his head and told him to behave. She obviously has been hanging around Rose too much.

"I'm just gonna get it from all sides now." He joked.

It was all I could do to keep the drool from trickling down my chin when Edward walked in. He was wearing dark washed jeans that hung low as well as a green button up shirt that matched his eyes. The sleeves were rolled up past his elbows and his hair, as always, was in perfect disarray. He was breath taking and he only had eyes for me. He greeted me with a sweet kiss, whispering how gorgeous I looked in my ear; which caused shivers to run down my spine.

"Are you ready to head out?"

"Yeah, I don't want to be late. Thanks again for coming with me tonight."

"Anything to spend time with you."

We told everyone bye before leaving. I ducked into my room on the way out to grab the stuff I had bought for Edward during the shopping trip today. I was hoping we'd have a few moments alone tonight so I could give them to him. The drive to Dr. Smithwick's house was full of conversation.

"How was your guy day?"

"Well...it was, interesting."

"That sounds ominous." I laughed.

"Ominous...not really, but if that's what guy day is...well they can count me out next time."

"This sounds promising. Do tell. Unless you took some type of guy oath that forbids you to share the details of guy day."

"No, I didn't take an oath...but maybe we should have. Okay, that's not exactly true. I can tell you but you can't tell anyone else, especially Rose."

"You're killing me Edward...what did you guys do?"

"We met for lunch at the pub. Seems like it's becoming our favorite hang out. Anyhow, I figured we'd go to the arcade or maybe even to the go cart track. I even suggested paint ball. But after we ate, we ended up going back to Jake and Em's room and played a few video games. About an hour into Call of Duty, Em turns off the X-Box and tells us we have to accompany him somewhere, but wouldn't tell us where. So we piled into his Jeep and 20 minutes later we pulled up to a retirement home."

"A retirement home?" I asked all kinds of confused.

"Yeah. We were just as confused as your are. But Em still wouldn't tell us anything, so like the blind idiots we are, we followed. He lead us to the activities room and I swear there were at least 30 little old ladies sitting in chairs. And boy did they perk up when we all walked in. Apparently Rose has been asking Em to learn to ballroom dance for years. No clue why but, and this is between us, I think he may be planning to propose to her soon and ballroom dancing is going to play a part in his proposal."

"Oh my God! That is so exciting."

"Remember, you can't say anything. Emmett never came right out and told us, but he implied. Anyhow, we tried to back out and just observe but those little old ladies...who are quite handsy by the way, had other ideas. I can't tell you how many times my cheeks got pinched...all of my cheeks." He grimaced.

And that was all it took to have me doubled over in laughter. The visual of Edward's ass getting pinched by some gray haired lady nearly did me in.

"It's NOT funny Isabella." I was in trouble, until I saw the corner of him mouth pull up into a grin.

"Wow, just wow. Did the rest of the guys get assaulted as well?"

"Absolutely. Those women couldn't get enough of, and I'm quoting here, Em's dimples, curls, and muscles; Jasper's wavy locks, handsome eyes, and southern charm; or Jake's raven hair, brilliant smile, and tush."

"What did they say about you?"

"Awww Bella. Please let's just drop it." He begged.

"Not a chance Cullen. If you won't tell me, I'll just call the guys."

"You wouldn't!"

"Of course I would." I answered as I reached for my phone.

"Fine. They liked my sex hair, smoldering emerald eyes, and seductive voice." And he blushed.

"Well I can't disagree with them there..." I murmured.

"What was that?"

"Eyes on the road Cullen. We need to take the next right." But I don't think I was convincing enough. He so heard me.

"Don't think your distracting me Swan. We'll finish this conversation later." He winked.

A few minutes later we were pulling up to the front of a beautiful house. Dr. Smithwick lived in a gate community that was located on the water. I fell in love instantly.

"Wow. This place is incredible."

"It really is. My mom would absolutely love to look at the design of this house."

"I guess we should get out of the car and ring the door bell. I don't think it's appropriate manner to sit in the car and gawk at their house all night."

Edward just shot me a look that clearly relayed the message 'ya think?'. He was just too cute for words.

Dr. Smithwick greeted us at the door dressed more casually than I had ever seen her. I officially introduced her to Edward and insisted that we call her by her first name...Julia. It felt weird calling her that. She then introduced us to her husband, Gregg. They made a lovely couple. She gave us a quick tour of the house, ending in her music room and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

She had a baby grand that sat in front of a wall of windows, which faced the water. There were several clarinets set up on stands along the wall; including an E flat clarinet, something I'd always wanted to learn to play. She noticed my interest and made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

She asked if I'd like for her to give me lessons on the E flat in conjunction with my current lessons. I agreed instantly; mentally calculating how much it was going to cost me to buy another instrument. But she quickly erased my fears by offering to let me borrow one of hers. Apparently she had two. I reluctantly accepted, not wanting her to feel obligated. But once again, she put my worries to rest telling me that she wanted to do this.

Dinner was a festive affair; literally a five course affair. We started with an array of cheeses and crackers, followed bacon wrapped grilled shrimp. Next we had a mixed green salad. It was all so good and I was afraid I was going to fill up before the main course, which was rack of lamb. I don't think I've ever tasted anything so good. I groaned when it was time for dessert. Edward laughed at me when I shot a death glare at the fresh fruit torte with homemade whipped cream.

"Is it always like this at dinner time? If so, I think I may move in." Edward joked.

"We try to have a meal like this at least once a week, of course since it's only the two of us, we usually make less or just invite company." Gregg answered.

The conversation throughout dinner flowed nicely and I could tell that Edward was starting to see the person behind the professor, just like I did. I attempted to help clean up after we were finished but I was quickly told I would do no such thing. Dr. Smith...I mean Julia asked Edward how his classes were going and quickly became engrossed as he talked about volunteering and other aspects of his degree. She teased that he had missed his calling and should immediately transfer to the music department.

"Well to tell you the truth, I didn't think you cared much for me or my ability." He stated albeit hesitantly. Which only caused her to laugh.

"Yes, I do tend to be hardest on those I think show the most ability. There is a reason I'm known as Professor Bitch." She smirked. My eyes nearly popped out of my head and Edward almost choked on his drink.

"What, you don't think I know what students call me? It's okay. I know I come across as difficult, demanding, and yes even bitchy. But I'm okay with that. Trust me, if you are planning to make music your career, you have to get used to people like that. I'm pretty tame if you want to know the truth. The music business is cut throat. Some of the most devious people can be found behind an instrument." She stopped when she saw the looks of shock we wore.

"Let me tell you how I was introduced into the professional world of musicians. I had just graduated from college when I was offered a chance to audition for the Boston Philharmonic. I immediately jumped at the chance; it was unusual for someone fresh out of school to get that type of opportunity. Well when I arrived at the audition, I ran into someone that I had studied with previously. She was a few years older and had already started playing professionally but this was her dream gig. Let's just say that while my back was turned; my reeds were mysteriously cracked and my mouth piece disappeared. Thank god I had be warned about this type of behavior or I would have been out of luck. I had a back up mouth piece in my pocket as well as several broken in reeds. I didn't get picked but neither did she."

I was shocked...and terrified that I would have to one day face the same type of stunts.

"Don't worry your pretty head Bella. The biggest advantage of being your mentor is my connections. And no, just because I know people doesn't mean you won't have to work for anything you get. It merely means that when...yes when not if, the time comes I'll be able to help point you in the most advantageous direction. But be assured that my name can only get you so far...an audition. It will never get you favoritism or a spot. That will be all on your own merit."

I was left speechless by the fact that she had so much confidence in me that she never doubted that I would get the chance to audition for a major orchestra.

"Now back to you Edward. I'm sorry if my behavior and attitude caused you to doubt your abilities. That was never my intent. I'm just an intense person and I realize that I come across as harsh. But when I see someone with your talent, it's ingrained in me to push them to get the most out of them. But I can tell from our talk on medicine that your heart is truly there."

"Thank you for your honesty. I will say that I'm glad I have gotten the opportunity to see you outside of the classroom. Yes my heart is in medicine but that doesn't mean that music is any less important to me. It is something that I greatly enjoy and did strongly consider making it my career path at one time. I'm okay with it being my escape from reality vice my reality. If that makes any sense."

"Completely. Some people lose their passion for music when it becomes their job while others thrive on it. That doesn't make either type any better than the other. I'm just glad you recognized that before it was too late. So, can I hear this composition you and Bella are working on once it's done?" She asked and I hoped Edward wouldn't get upset that I had told her about it.

He quickly agreed and then told her that we were working on adding the clarinet to it. She was even more excited to hear it and even asked if we'd be willing to play at the winter showcase if it turned out the way we wanted it to. We wrapped up our visit shortly after and made plans to have dinner again after fall break. It was a wonderful evening and I was so glad that Edward got to see the person she really was.

It was getting close to 10:00 but neither of us were ready to call it a night. We found ourselves at a Starbucks, occupying a couch in the corner. I figured it was as good a time as any to give him his presents. Well that and the fact that he'd been eyeing the bag I had them in all night.

"Well since you've been eyeing this all night, I guess you can go ahead and open it."

He looked at me questioningly and then smiled.

"You got me a present?"

"Yes, now just open it."

He looked like a kid at Christmas. I was nervous and anxious for his reaction. He pulled out the music bag first, followed by the leather bound composition book with his initials engraved on it.

"Bella! Thank you so much. I needed a new bag but just haven't gotten around to looking for one."

"Well I know it isn't as nice as the one you gave me..."

He cut me off before I could finish.

"It's perfect. And so is the composition book."

"There's one more thing." I said shyly as he dug through the bag.

I was most nervous about the last item. I didn't spend any money on it and it was something only a handful of people knew about...a CD; of my compositions. It contained both clarinet and piano pieces. It was terrible quality as I recorded it at home with Jake's help.

"Is this what I think it is?"

"Well that depends...what do you think it is."

"I'm hoping it's a recording of you playing."

"That's what it is. It's really poor quality and it's rough but it's something that my old therapist suggest I do and Jake helped me. I recorded it right after I was able to overcome the mental block that was keeping me from playing."

He pulled me into a hug and whispered his thanks to me over and over. He understood what this gift meant. Understood that I was giving a part of myself to him and that I trusted him. My feelings and inter turmoil at the time I made the recording matched the recording itself...raw, intense, uncut, and rough. I was letting Edward in on a part of my life that few had seen before. I was very protective of the things I wrote, but even more than that. Only my parents and Jake knew what that CD meant to me. It was my way of letting out all the feelings that had kept bottled up without having to actual talk about it. I had been talking to Dr. Leslie for months when she suggested that I record. She knew I was holding back things in therapy. Music was the way I had always expressed myself so she figured this would be no different. I was able to pour out into music what I was unable to speak. It was one of the most cathartic experiences I've ever had.

As much as I didn't want the night to end, it really was getting late. It was close to midnight when Edward pulled up to the dorm. After we left Starbucks, we drove around for a little while just listening to music and talking. But once I started yawning; I couldn't stop and Edward insisted I get some sleep. Everyone was hanging out in the common room when we walked in. Alice wanted everyone to get together for brunch tomorrow and then possibly go to the street fair that was being hosted on campus. We all agreed to meet up around 11 at the dinner in the morning and sent the guys on their way.

Edward pulled me into my room before leaving and expressed his gratitude for his gifts one more time; with a series of long, sensual, and hot kisses. I could get used to being told thanks in this manner. The guys all walked out of the dorm room together leaving us girls gawking at their retreating figures. Almost as if they planned it, they each turned and winked at their girl before disappearing down the hall.

"Damn girls...we really are some lucky bitches!" Rose sighed.

"That we are. My God...how in the hell are we gonna keep other girls off our guys?" Alice questioned.

"Truthfully, I don't think they see anyone but us. But should one of us ever see a girl trying to intrude on our guys...we'll just make sure they know that the territory has been claimed." Angela answered, surprising us all.

"Seems that Jake has caused jealous and possessive Angela to wake up."

"Damn straight." She laughed at Rose.

"Well I tend to agree. They only have eyes for us. We are lucky bitches. Now...let's go get some sleep. Seems like we're going to have a busy day tomorrow." I attempted to get out through a yawn.

We all said our goodnights to each other and then headed to our respective rooms. It didn't take long before I was in a deep sleep.

Sunday morning came much too early but I was still excited about the day ahead. We all met at the diner for brunch before heading over to the street fair. I had never seen anything quite like it. There were vendors of all types set up; food, games, jewelry, clothing; you name it and you more than likely could find a booth selling it. I was disappointed that I filled up at brunch. All the food smelled amazing and I was determined to try as much as my stomach could handle. Emmett's reactions were priceless.

"Rose...look. They have jump castles. Rose look they have smoked turkey legs. Rose look over there...it's a rock wall. Rose look...it's that thing that you hit with the sledge hammer and try to make the bell ding. I bet I can make it ding. Rose look fried twinkies!"

I swear I felt like I was walking around with a five year old. But it was so much fun watching him. Edward...being Edward, bought enough tickets for everyone to do as much as they wanted. We all started out in the jump castle and Jake and Emmett made it their mission to 'bounce the hell' out of all of us. It worked too. Seemed like every time I was getting to land from a jump; one of both of them would jump the instant my feet would hit the mat and I'd fly through the air. I tackled Edward by accident a few times. But it made falling that much better.

The group stuck together for the first few hours, playing the typical carnival games, enjoyed all the big blow up toys; such as the jump castle, obstacle course, slides, and my favorite...the fly paper wall. Seeing the guys wrapped up in velcro and hurling themselves at a velcro covered wall was hilarious. I'll never know how he did it...but Jasper ended up hanging upside down on his turn. It was really interesting seeing Edward interact with the whole group. Especially now that things between he and I were settled. Before there was always a tension in the air but he had really let his guard down around the group now. I wasn't the only one that noticed.

"Bella, I can't tell you how good it is to see the old Edward again. I haven't seen him this carefree in years. It's so easy to see that a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Thank you."

"Alice, you don't have to thank me. I didn't do anything. If Edward wasn't ready to make changes in his life, there would be nothing anyone could do that would push him in that direction. I just happen to come into his life at the right time and he into mine. And for that I will be eternally grateful."

Angela and Rose made several comments on how all of our guys seemed to get along so well. It made all us girls happy. I couldn't help but notice the looks that other girls were giving them but the guys were impervious to them. After we had our fill of fun and games, we decided to split up and say our goodbyes. This way we wouldn't be stuck waiting for another couple when we were ready to leave.

"As much as I love hanging out with our friends, I feel like I've hardly seen you today." Edward whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I can totally relate. I love them and love the fact that we get along so well; but I've had my fill of friends today. What I haven't had enough of is you." And I couldn't help but pull him down for a kiss.

"How about we check out a few booths and maybe grab a funnel cake or friend twinke and then head back to my room for a bit. If I know Alice, she'll drag Jasper to every merchandise booth set up. So that should keep them occupied for hours."

"We can hope so at any rate." I agreed.

I enjoyed shopping more than I had anticipated. I found presents for my mom, Katie, Alice, Angela, and Rose. There was a beautiful silver necklace, earring, bracelet, and ring set that I fell in love with; but I had already spent more money than I should have over the past two days, so with a deep sigh, I passed it by. Edward picked up a few things for Esme as well.

"I'm all shopped out Edward. Let's get some friend goodness and then go back to your room for a while."

"Sounds excellent to me."

We started over to the funnel cake stand when he stopped and pulled out his phone.

"It's my mom. Let me answer this and then I'll meet you by the funnel cakes."

Ten minutes later we were walking hand in hand back to his room. The funnel cake was amazing. The best part...the powdered sugar that seemed to gravitate to the corner of Edward's mouth. Of course I did the only thing a good girlfriend could do...I kept kissing it off. After the third time, I had the feeling he was purposefully leaving the sugar behind. So I called him on it.

"Can you blame me? I'll do just about anything to have your lips on me." And we both blushed.

"I can assure you, the feeling is mutual." And with that I ran my finger through a big pile of powdered sugar, smeared it across his lips, and then kissed the hell out of him.

Yep, this is the beginning of a very beautiful relationship.

**Read to find out about the outtake...**

**A/N: I know this was a long chapter and it didn't really do much to move the story along. But so far we've had lots of angst and drama and I felt some fun was in order. I thought about splitting into two chapters but couldn't find a good spot to stop. Next chapter will jump a few weeks in time and cover Bella's trip back to Phoenix. So I felt a fun feel good chapter was needed before she embarks on yet another emotional time in her life.**

**You know what to do. And as an incentive...if you leave me a review; I'll send you an outtake that I've written. I won't tell you what it concerns; it's a surprise. If you want to know...leave me some love (or hate). Just leave me a review!**


	38. Chapter 38: The Phoenix

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Welcome to the newbies and everyone who added me to alerts and favorites. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**It's hard to believe that I've been working on this story for over a year...and still have no idea how it's going to end. Oh well, I'm enjoying writing it so that's all that matters.**

**Chapter 38: The Phoenix**

**BPOV**

"Come on Bells, it's time to go. We're gonna miss our flight if we don't hurry. Plus Charlie is downstairs waiting on us." Jacob said as he gave me a sad smile.

"He's right Bella. I'll walk you down."

I couldn't help the tears that were falling as I stayed wrapped up in Edward's arms. I wasn't ready for what was coming. As much as I tried to tell myself that this was for the best, I was already having doubts and I hadn't even left Seattle yet.

"Bella, I can see it all over your face. You can do this; I promise. You are so much stronger than you realize. Remember what Dr. Kym said. This is just your insecurities and fears manifesting themselves. You are ready for this. I have faith in you." Edward squeezed me once more before releasing me.

Jacob grabbed my bag and made his way out of my room; giving Edward and I a few more minutes alone. I had already said my goodbyes to the rest of the group. That was hard enough. Alice practically begged to come with me. I almost gave in. If Jasper hadn't of pulled her from the room when he did...she would be on that plane with me. As it were; I felt I needed to check my luggage just to make sure she wasn't a stow a way. Edward was a little more subtle in his offer. And it was even more difficult to hold on to my resolve to do this on my own.

"I'm here for whatever you need. Call me if you need to talk, it doesn't matter the time. If you get there and decide you want me to come; just pick up the phone. I know this isn't easy for you but _I_ know you need to do this. I know _you_ know you need to do this. It's gonna be one of the hardest things you've had to face so far but lean on your family and friends. Jacob will be there with you. You know he won't leave you for a second. Your mom and dad will be there too. Don't shut them out. You can do this sweetheart."

"Thank you Edward...for everything." I was able to croak out.

"Come on, your dad is going to send a search party up for you if we don't get moving." And I was able to crack a smile because he really did know my dad.

"Can I have one more kiss?"

"Babe, you never have to ask permission for that. That's your own rule, remember?"

But I didn't give him a chance to say anything else. I took what was mine...his lips. I kissed him for everything I was worth and then some. I was not ready to leave him. The past few weeks had been incredible and I wanted to hang on to that happiness just a little bit longer. But the ringing of my phone broke up apart.

"I'm coming dad." I answered without even checking the caller ID. He is so predictable.

"Well you can't blame me for acting like an over protective dad when some boy has his lips all over you...even if I happen to really like said boy."

"How...what...I...?" I stuttered.

"I may be your old dad, but I do know what kids your age get up to. Now get down here before I have to embarrass you some more." He laughed.

I hung up the phone while shaking my head. Edward was looking at me curiously.

"I swear my dad has a sixth sense that lets him know when my lips are connected to yours. How many times has he called and interrupted up in the past week?" I asked while Edward laughed.

"Well it doesn't take much to interrupt us these days. If we aren't in class, practicing, or doing homework...our lips are typically pretty busy, so it doesn't take much to catch us." I blushed at Edward's declaration. But it was the truth.

I grabbed my messenger bag and tossed my phone inside. Double checking, I made sure I had my iPod, laptop, and my Kindle. I probably wouldn't have a lot of opportunities to read but you never know. I also stuffed my camera in the inside pocket of my bag. I even bought a journal for this trip, on suggestion of Dr. Kym. She thought it would be a good idea to write down my feelings during this trip. I had already made an entry last night.

After one more quick kiss, Edward took my bag off my shoulder and wrapped his free arm around my waist. I locked up the suite on the way out and sighed.

"It's weird...I never expected this place to feel like home; just a stop along the way to my final destination. Phoenix was always home, but now that I'm going back; I almost feel like a stranger returning there. This is home now and I don't want to leave."

"It's only a few days. You'll be back on Sunday and I'll be here waiting for you. We all will."

My dad and Jake were patiently waiting for me in the car, knowing how stressful and emotional this trip was going to be for me. They both got out when they saw us approaching. Jake and Edward did the man hug, fist bump thing and said goodbye. My dad shocked the hell out of all of us by pulling Edward into a hug. He said something to him, so low I couldn't hear. But whatever it was made Edward blush and smile. He looked over my dad's shoulder and winked at me. So I guess he wasn't being threatened with bodily harm.

"Okay Bells, I'm getting in the car, closing my eyes, and counting to sixty. Say your goodbyes and then get in the car...I'm not paying attention..."

I had to laugh at my dad's ever so non subtle way of telling me it was okay to kiss Edward bye. I heard the car door slam and immediately threw myself in Edward's arms.

"Well I for one won't waste an opportunity so freely given. I think my dad really likes you."

"Enough talk...kiss me." He replied.

And kiss him I did. Jake voice broke us apart.

"You got 15 seconds Bells."

"I'll call you when we get there. I already miss you." I said as I buried my face in Edward's neck. Inhaling deeply so that I could carry his scent with me.

"Remember I'm here for whatever you need." With a quick kiss he opened my door and handed me my bag. He said one last goodbye to everyone and shut my door. The need to tell him how I really felt was drowning me. But I thought it was too soon. I didn't want to scare him off.

"I like him Bella. He's good for you and you are good for him. I know I don't have to worry about him hurting you. He has a great family too."

"Thanks dad. That means a lot." And that was the end of father daughter boy talk for the time being. But it felt great that he had given Edward the official father seal of approval.

Luckily the airport wasn't very crowded, so we were able to check in and make it through security in no time at all. We stopped to grab a few snacks while walking towards our gate. We still had about thirty minutes before boarding would begin so we made ourselves as comfortable as we could in the airport seating. I was restless and couldn't sit still. Jake started going through my messenger bag and I nearly took his head off. I was seriously on edge.

"Easy Bells, I'm just getting your iPod. I think Edward's playlist may come in handy right about now." He smiled at me hesitantly, scared he'd set me off again. My dad just eyed me speculatively.

"Sorry Jake. I'm probably going to be saying that a lot this trip."

"I understand. Trust me. And just so you know, I'm not going anywhere either, no matter how many times you rip into me."

He handed me my iPod and I pulled up the playlist that Edward created for me. It was a mix of his own compositions as well as some of our favorite songs. I immediately relaxed but I still needed him.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next few days...I've already taken Jake's head off and we haven't even boarded the plane yet.

~Bella

_Jake's got a hard head...I'm sure he can handle it. But seriously, if anyone knows how hard it is for you, it's him. Remember what I told you. _

_~Edward_

You always know what to say. I miss you. I'll call you when we land.

~Bella

_I miss you too babe. I'll be waiting by the phone. _

_~Edward_

I had just started to relax when we heard our boarding call. Mom and Phil booked us first class tickets since Jake's legs are so long. My dad refused to let them buy his ticket but Phil used his frequent flyer miles to bump Charlie up. So we were all sitting on the same row. Jake and I were sitting together and my dad was sitting across the aisle from us. I took the window seat because even in first class, Jake still felt slightly cramped. He liked to stretch his legs out. We settled in for the four and a half hour flight. We had a slight layover in Salt Lake City but we didn't even have to get off the plane. Our flight was scheduled to land in Phoenix around 11 pm. Thankfully there were no hold ups and before too long we were taxing down the run way. As soon as we reached 10,000 feet, I pulled my iPod back out and settled in for the flight. I let myself get lost in the memories of the past few weeks.

"_Bella...if you don't stop, I won't be held responsible for my actions." Edward groaned. I couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up. Me...Bella Swan, really is having an effect on a guy._

"_Sorry. What can I say. I really like powdered sugar." I winked. Not sure where the confidence was coming from._

"_Come on sweetheart, let's get to my room. Not for that...but getting somewhere more private is enticing."_

And thus ended our first weekend as an official couple.

Edward and I were able to get in a very comfortable and enjoyable routine. We had managed to spend time with each other every day since that wonderful Wednesday when we finally got it all together. Somedays we were only able to grab lunch or supper together but on those days we were constantly texting or calling one another. We kept our Tuesday/Thursday routine of meeting for coffee in the morning. And he joined me for practice in the afternoons. It was surprisingly relaxing having him in the music room with me.

I had to remind both of us on a few occasions that music was my degree, not only my hobby and that I actually had assignments to complete. We tended to get lost in our composition whenever we were anywhere near a piano. I continued with the tradition of fixing supper once a week for all my friends. Everyone seemed to enjoy not only the food but the time we were all able to spend together.

Edward was true to his word about cutting back on his shadowing and volunteering hours; only giving his time two or three days a week. He tried to keep his weekends free, but I assured him that even we would need some time to our selves every now and then.

The Friday after the street fair, Edward took me out on our first real date...as he put it. True to Edward form, he wouldn't tell me anything.

"_Edward, where are we going?"_

"_Not a chance Swan. It's a surprise."_

"_I really don't like surprises." I grumbled._

"_Too bad. You're just gonna have to learn to like them or deal with them, but either way; I won't stop with them." He smiled that smile that makes my knees go weak and of course it made me shut up._

"_Whatever you say Cullen."_

_That night was fantastic. We ate at a wonderful Thai restaurant that was off the beaten path. The food was phenomenal and we gorged ourselves. For once, Seattle was having a cloud free night and it was warm out._

"_Take a walk with me?" Edward extended his hand to me when we left the restaurant. "There's a public garden just a few blocks away."_

_We didn't talk during our walk, but we didn't need to. Our silences were never meaningless. It almost felt like our silences had their own language, one we didn't even fully understand yet. So we walked hand in hand down the street. The garden was beautiful and peaceful. We walked around for about twenty minutes until we came upon a bench that was sitting by one of the many fountains in the garden._

"_This is nice Edward. So peaceful. Doesn't seem like it belongs in the middle of a big city."_

"_I found this place when I was dealing with the fallout from Jessica. I've never told anyone about it; not even Alice. I spent many hours sitting here, just thinking...about the what ifs, the could haves, my future, and sometimes about nothing at all. It almost helped ease the pain as much as music did. I guess that's why I cleaved to it so much. I wasn't able to play so instead I sat in silence and tried to get lost in it." _

"_I wish I had found a place like this back in Phoenix. But that would have required me leaving my house. Hell, I hardly ever left my room. I had no clue where to look for solitude, well other than Jake. Looking back, he was my peaceful place; my sun in the darkness. I can't say it enough, but I really don't now where I would be if it not for him. I look back on that time and I can now see that because of me, Jake was never able to fully grieve. That's one thing I'm hoping he can start doing on our upcoming trip."_

"_You know he doesn't feel that way, don't you?" _

"_I do, but that doesn't mean I can't feel bad about it."_

_We sat in silence for a bit longer just enjoying our time together. _

"_Bella...I just want you to know how thankful and grateful I am for having met you. In the short amount of time that we have known each other, I can't begin to express to you how much of an impact you've had on my life. I'm looking forward to what the future holds for the two of us...individually as well as together."_

_I was near tears. It scared me how much I felt for him already. It scared me even more to think that he was feeling the same thing._

"_I hope you know that I feel the same way. My life has changed so drastically since I moved here. Sometimes I fear that I'm going to wake up back in my bed in Phoenix and find out that all of this has been a dream...that you're nothing but a dream. I don't think I'd do too well with that." And I couldn't stop the tears that were falling._

"_I can promise you that although this feels like the greatest dream ever, it most certainly is real; I'm real and I will do everything possible to prove that to you, every single day. And if this is a dream; then I don't ever want to wake up." It was corny, it was cheesy but it was perfect for us. He sealed that promise with the sweetest most tender kiss he'd given me yet; proving that this was...in fact NOT a dream._

The Yo Yo Ma concert was by far one of the best nights we've spent together. We went to dinner before the concert with Julia and Gregg, eating at a wonderful French restaurant. After eating, we made our way to the concert hall where I was introduced to many members of the Seattle Symphony Orchestra; including the lead clarinetist and the conductor. It was a very surreal experience, especially seeing the respect they held for Julia. We mingled for about thirty minutes and then found our seats.

The performance was phenomenal and it left me speechless. I saw Edward in a way I've never seen him before. I've seen him get lost in his own music and even in mine to a degree, but never like he did at that concert.

_He was absolutely beautiful. The serenity that poured from him was immeasurable. For the first time since I had met Edward, he looked completely and utterly at peace. I watched him more than I watched the performance. Seeing Edward so content warmed my heart. I felt as if I could see his soul._

"_You're beautiful." I whispered, not really meaning for him to hear me; but of course he did._

_He looked at me, getting ready to respond, but when our eyes locked; I swear we connected on an even deeper level. No words were needed. He held me captive as I did him. I couldn't tell you how long we were locked in each others gaze. Only the applause of the surrounding audience was able to break our connection._

_He leaned over and his lips grazed my ear._

"_No Bella, you're the beautiful one." _

_We held hands for the rest of the concert and the electrical current that flowed between us was unbelievable. We didn't lose contact with each other until he kissed me good night at the door of my room. The electrical charge continued to flow and grow between us. It was hard to part for the night._

"...making our final approach into Salt Lake City..."

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that the first leg of our flight was nearly over. I turned off my iPod and stuck it back in my bag. We weren't getting off the plane here, but I needed to use the restroom once everyone who was deplaning did so. Jake stood up to stretch out his long body and my dad was asleep. He has really gotten used to planes, flying more in the past 18 months than he has in his entire life...combined. Once I returned from the bathroom, Jake and my dad traded places. I knew he wanted to talk, although he looked like he could hardly keep his eyes open.

"Hey baby girl. How ya doing?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"I'm okay dad." I answered, keeping my response intentionally vague. "How are you? You look dead on your feet."

"Thanks Bells. I worked a double yesterday, so I'm pretty tired; not as young as I used to be. But stop deflecting. I know you well enough to know that you are bottling it up." He gave me a pointed look.

"You're right. I won't lie and say I'm not nervous, anxious, terrified...but it's not like I wasn't expecting to feel this way. There isn't really a lot I could do to prepare for this trip. I've had sessions with Dr. Kym, but there is only so much talking about it is going to do. I just have to face it.

"Are you sure it's not too soon?"

"More than sure. I can't let him have anymore of my life. It's time I finally start living again and I have, but I need to do this before I can fully heal and let go. It's not only me dad..Jake needs to heal and so does the rest of my family. That can't happen if you are all waiting on me to do...well to either move on or fall apart. I can't promise that I won't have some sort of set back after this, but Dr. Kym feels that even if that happens, it is still a step forward in the process. If that does happen, I won't shut myself away again."

"Promise?"

"I promise dad. I have an even bigger support system now. I had an excellent one when all of this first happened...I was just too stubborn to utilize it. And way too lost in my own grief to even see it. I won't let that happen again."

My dad seemed appeased with my answers and switched back to his original seat after a quick hug and a kiss to my forehead. I took the few remaining minutes to text Edward and Alice just as we were pulling away from our gate. The flight from Salt Lake to Phoenix wasn't too long and I took the opportunity to make another entry in my journal, just jotting down my feelings about returning and my expectations.

My mom and Phil were anxiously waiting for us at baggage claim and thank the lord...she had bags of take out with her from Whataburger. Mine and Jake's favorite.

"Renee, have I told you just how lovely, young, and beautiful you are looking on this wonderful night?"

"Jake, flattery will get you everywhere." My mom laughed. "I knew you would be hungry and it's already getting pretty late. Figured it would be midnight by the time we we got your luggage and out of the airport.

Jake had already downed half his burger by the time luggage started to appear. He and dad told me to sit down and eat and they'd get the bags. I didn't object.

"Jake, Billy is really excited to see you but he said for you to just crash at our place tonight and he'll see you first thing in the morning. We are having a big family breakfast." Phil informed us.

"Guess that means I'm cooking." I smiled at Phil and he leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"That would be great Bells...I _really_ miss your cooking!"

"PHIL! Don't think I didn't hear that." Renee attempted to scold him but it had no effect considering she was agreeing with him.

I called Edward while we were walking to the car to let him know we arrived okay. He and the gang were heading to Forks after classes tomorrow. I promised to call in the morning before saying goodnight. We all piled into Phil's SUV; Phil and my dad up front, Jake in the middle seat, and me and mom in the back. She wasted no time with the inquisition.

"So, how are things with you and Edward?"

"Really mom...it's late and it's been a long day."

"Oh I know honey. Just the basics. I'll get the details later." She sounded just like Alice.

"Things with Edward are wonderful. Better than I could have asked for." I smiled.

"Baby that's wonderful. Are you being safe?" She questioned with a twinkle in her eyes and a smirk on her face.

"MOM!"

"What, I'm your mother. These are things I have a right to know." And joys of all joys she managed to get the attention of Phil, Jake, and Charlie.

Jake was about to bust his gut laughing. He was actually laying across the entire middle seat and shaking. I swear it looked like he was going to explode out of his skin at any moment. Phil was staring at Renee through the review mirror with his mouth hanging open and Charlie...my poor dad, looked like he was going to have a stroke. But he quickly recovered and saved me when he saw how mortified I was.

"Renee, leave the poor girl alone. You know we raised a responsible daughter. Besides, there are just some things a dad would rather remain oblivious about." He said while shaking his head.

"Jake don't think you've evaded questioning son. She's just getting warmed up." Phil warned causing Jake to snap to attention and eye my mother wearily.

After a few minutes of laughter we all calmed down. But my mom was still looking at me expectantly.

"Mom, I'm going to say this once and only once. I'm still a virgin and plan to be that way for the near future. But if and when Edward and I decide to take that step, I can promise you we will be more protected than Fort Knox. We are both responsible adults and understand the consequences of having unprotected sex." I whispered as quietly as I could and thank god I succeeded. None of the males in the car were aware of my side conversation with my mother. I could tell by the heat in my cheeks that I was fire engine red.

But I knew this was my moms way of showing me that she has faith that I won't let what happen with James affect that part of my life. She knew about my concerns. And although it embarrassed the hell out of me, it also made me smile that my mom really does care and understand.

By the time we reached the house, I was laying in my moms lap nearly asleep. She was pulling her fingers through my hair; reminding me of when I was younger. Phil, Jake, and my dad unloaded our luggage while me and mom went inside to make coffee and hot chocolate. My dad took his suitcase to the guess room while Phil and Jake took our stuff to my room.

We all settled down in the living room and discussed what was going to happen over the next few days. This was something that had to happen. There was no way I'd be able to spontaneously "be" on this trip. I had to have some type of plan to get me through it all. I was planning to visit with Billy and Katie's family on Thursday afternoon followed by a family dinner at my favorite restaurant. The only big thing I had planned for Friday was meeting with Dr. Leslie. Jake and I were thinking of visiting some of our favorite places and even considering going to see Leah if she were home. Saturday was going to be the hardest day. I was visiting Elizabeth and then meeting with her parents. Dr. Leslie was generous enough to volunteer meeting with all families involved on Sunday before it was time to fly back to Seattle. This would be the first time since the sentencing that my family, Jake's, Katie's, and Elizabeth's would all be together. Dr. Leslie felt it would help all involved to continue the healing process.

I must have fallen asleep at some point during our conversation, because I woke up to Jake carrying me up to my room.

"Bells, do you want to change or sleep in what you're wearing?"

"Uggg...change. I want to take a shower, but I'm too tired. Can you just hand me some shorts and a t-shirt?"

"No problem."

He handed me my clothes and then retreated into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Once he was out, I went in and brushed my teeth and washed my face. I stumbled back to my bed and found Jake was already crashed. Even though it was late, I sent Edward one more message. I don't even remember hitting the send button.

My brain engaged before I even opened my eyes. Something heavy and hot was thrown over my face and my legs were caught in steel vice grips. And damn it, I was sweating. I knew from many morning of experience what was happening.

"Jake. Remove you big fat paw from my face and unlock those oak tress you call legs before I rip them off." I growled while kicking him.

"Shit Bells. Why you gotta be so violent in the mornings? For such a little thing, you scare the hell out of me. I should warn Edward" He croaked out as he rolled over.

"Seriously...I have a king size bed. Can't you keep your ass and all other appendages off of me? My god, are you a personal furnace...I smell like old dirty gym socks now from profusely sweating. And leave Edward out of this unless you want me to retaliate! Don't think I won't go talk to Angela about you." I yelled. I still hadn't opened my eyes. I hadn't planned on it either, until I heard laughter.

"I see some things never change. Language is a bit more colorful but still having the same arguments, even after all these years."

I knew that voice and I opened my eyes immediately, shocked that he was in my room.

"Billy! Oh I missed you so much." I squealed as I sat up. "But how?" Billy had been in a wheel chair for years due to severe arthritis and bad knees. At one time he was able to use other aids to actually walk, but things got to be too painful and he confined himself to a wheelchair. I knew he had been doing physical therapy so the muscles in his legs wouldn't atrophy, but I had no idea that he was now able to get around without his wheelchair.

Jake sat up and grinned at us both.

"You knew and didn't tell me?" I screeched at Jake.

"Calm down Bells. I knew, but dad wanted to surprise you.

"I still use my chair the majority of the time but I've been trying different combinations of medicines and also doing PT. The results being that I'm able to hobble around a bit. The doctors think they may have found an artificial knee that may actually work this time. But we can talk about that later. I was just too excited to see you kids so I braved the stairs to get up here. I can't tell you how much you've both been missed." He said in a broken voice.

I hugged Billy while crying and we were both caught up in a big Jake hug.

"Well is this a family pile on?" Phil asked. "Bells, I hate to break this up...but your mother is attempting to start breakfast." And I couldn't help but laugh at the expression on his face.

"I'll be right there. Go distract her for a minute; and I don't need to know how you are going to do that." I had caught them in too many awkward moments as were the case.

After a quick detour to the bathroom, I made my way down to the kitchen and thankfully my mom had only managed to start the coffee. There was a mug of hot chocolate waiting for me with lots of whipped cream on top. I decided to make western omelets, hash browns, and bacon. There wasn't a single scrape left when all was said and done. Seems all the men in my life eat like a pack of wolves. I left the clean up for the men while I got ready for the day. Before jumping in the shower, I called Edward.

"_Morning beautiful." _His velvety voice wrapped around me.

"Good morning to you too. Ready for the drive to Forks?"

"_I guess. I'd be looking forward to it a lot more if you were going with me."_ He pouted.

"Next time, I promise."

"_Am I crazy for already missing you so much?"_

"Well if you are, we can share a room at the nut house, because I miss you just as much." I said and he laughed.

I told him about Billy and breakfast as well as my plans for the rest of the day. He had to leave for class and we said a quick good bye. Over the past few days whenever we part; whether in person, phone, or text; there seems to be a pregnant pause at the end. I know I'm fighting with myself to not say the three words that are dying to get out. I've wondered if he is fighting the same battle. I talked to Alice about it before I left and she just laughed and said we were both being stupid and blind. Cryptic roommate.

My nervousness caused me to spend extra time getting ready. Jake and I would be leaving to visit Katie soon. We were planning to have lunch together and just hang out. I was getting anxious and for the first time in months, I thought I was going to have to take medication to calm myself down. Almost as if he could feel my emotions, I got a text from Jasper.

_Bella. I know today is going to be hard for you. Just hang in there. We are all here if you need us._

_~Jasper_

I smiled; remembering that I had friends who truly cared about me. Jake came to find me and reassured me that it was just Katie and I had nothing to worry about. He was excited to see her and it started to rub off on me. By the time we were walking out the front door, I was vibrating with anticipation.

"Calm down Bella. You're going to rock the car off the road if you keep jumping around in your seat like that."

"I'm sorry Jake. I'm just so nervous, excited, anxious, scared. I know it hasn't been that long since I last saw her, but I feel like it's been forever. So much has changed for me since moving away. I almost feel like it's the first time I've really seen her since everything happened. Does that eve make sense?"

"Yep. I completely understand. And I agree with you. You are finally starting to come out of that dark place that you've been in for so long. It's been slowly happening but the past two months has brought about so many changes in you. And just as a heads up, her parents aren't there. Katie asked them to give us some time alone, so there was no audience around. They are going to meet up with us later."

By this time we were pulling into the driveway at Katie's house. She was already sitting at the door waiting for us. I hadn't even opened the car door when the tears started to flow.

"Bells, why are you crying?" Jake asked as he opened the door for me. All I could do was laugh and point to Katie...who was also crying waterfalls.

"Women!" He shouted while shaking his head.

"You bet your ass Jakie Poo." Katie yelled out as she rolled herself down the ramp of her front porch.

I immediately launched myself out of the car and into her lap. Thank God she had secured the brakes on her chair.

"Umpf...geez Bella Bean. Give a girl some warning next time." She giggled as she wrapped her arms around me in a death grip.

"Katie Bug...I am so happy to see you. I've missed you so much. I am so sorry for the way I've been treating you." I choked out between tears.

"Oh Bella, I've missed you too, so much. I can't believe you are really here" She cried.

"Then why the hell is everyone crying if you're both so happy?" Jake questioned, proving how much of a male he really was.

"Jake, you ass, not all tears are sad tears. I can't speak for Bean but my tears are happy tears." Katie responded, giving Jake hell.

I chose not to respond because although I was shedding happy tears, they were mixed in with guilt, regret, sadness, and sorrow. But I wasn't about to ruin our reunion. So I just squeezed her tighter and kissed her cheek.

"I love you Bug." I whispered.

"I love you too Bean." Then she winked at me. "Jake, get your lazy ass over here and help us into the house."

"Katie...what do I look like, your servant?" Jake grumbled but was smiling all the same.

"Damn straight."

"But Bella is more than capable of walking." He complained. And then she really poured it on.

"Are you seriously going to argue with someone in a wheelchair? That's just wrong Jake. And although Bella can walk, well I'm not letting her out of my lap. So get to work slave boy."

And of course Jacob gave in. He could never deny us anything. He acted all pissy but you could see the happiness radiating from him. But being Jake, he couldn't simply push us up the ramp and into the house...no. He decided to push us down the side walk while popping wheelies and jumping onto the back of the chair. He nearly dumped us all in a heap on Mr. Harrison's lawn. He had lived there for years and was quite used to our antics.

"Bella? Jake? Is that really you?"

"Hey Mr. Harrison." We answered in unison.

"Well good lord. It is wonderful to see you kids again. Are you just down for a visit?"

"Yes Sir. It's fall break for UW, so we decided to fly down for the weekend."

"I'm so glad to see you looking so happy. Especially you Bella. Things going well for you?"

"Better than well, Sir." I smiled.

"That's wonderful. Now you kids run along and go have some fun. Don't be a stranger." He winked as he settled back into the rocker on his porch.

I attempted to stand up, but Katie would let me go.

"No way. I've waiting a long time to get you back. I'm not about to let you go yet. Let Jake put all those macho man muscles he's always bragging about to work."

Once we got back to her house, the first thing Katie demanded was for me to play. So I gave in to her request. It was the first time that either Jake or Katie had really heard me play in months. I'm not sure how long I played but when I stopped I heard sniffling all around me. I looked up and saw not only Jake and Katie, but her parents; Mary and Joe.

"Oh honey. It is so good to see you...and hear you again. We've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too Mama M."

"We won't stay long. Katie texted us and told us you were here and were playing. She didn't even know we were going to sneak in." Joe quickly added.

"It's okay. Really. It's so good to see you both."

"Hey, am I invisible?" Jake complained.

"Did you hear something?" Katie deadpanned. And we all laughed.

"Jake honey, we've missed you too. From what we've been hearing, Seattle is working out well for the both of you."

"Yes ma'am. As much as I miss everyone here, it's been wonderful so far. I'm really glad I made the decision to go." I answered honestly.

"Well you kids have fun today. Here, take this and go have some lunch and get into trouble." Joe said as he gave Katie his credit card. I started to protest but he quickly cut me off. "Bella...none of that. I haven't seen Katie smile so big since you guys left. Just go out and enjoy the time you have together. We'll see you kids later today?" He asked.

"Yes, you will. Join us for dinner tonight? Not sure what time, but I'll let you know." It was an impulse ask but I hadn't realized how much I had missed them.

"Absolutely." Mary and Joe answered.

It was still a little early for lunch so Jake, Katie, and I sat on her back porch and talked for a while. She asked about our friends and I told her in great detail about each one. Leaving Edward for last. Jake added details every now and then, but couldn't shut up talking about Angela. We discussed how all of our classes were going and she was thrilled to find out how close of a friend Dr. Smithwick had become. I knew she wanted to ask about the real reason behind the trip back, but we were starting to get hungry so that would have to wait.

Jake helped Katie into the front seat of my mom's SUV and put her wheelchair in the back. I climbed in the middle row of seats and popped my head between the two front seats so I could talk to both Katie and Jake.

"Where to?" Jake asked. We all paused for all of 1.2 seconds before answering...

"Mi Patio!"

This was our favorite place to eat in all of Phoenix. We were half way there when Jake's cell rang. He looked at the caller ID, laughed, and then hit speaker.

"You little shit...you too _Isabella_. I can't believe the two of you are in Phoenix and haven't bothered to call me yet. If it weren't for Uncle Billy I would have never known."

"We love you too Leah. And don't worry bitch, we were planning to get together with you tomorrow. I thought bonehead had already touched base with you."

"Bella...you should know better than to leave the important stuff to J. He's got the attention span of a nat."

"Hey, I am sitting right here you know."

"Whatever assface. So, want me to meet you guys at Bella's in the morning?"

"Absolutely. I have an appointment first thing in the morning, but I'd love to see you." I answered honestly. I'd missed Leah. She was a bit rough around the edges and terribly crude at times, but my god was she a blast to be around and she was a terrific friend.

"Alright, see you guys in the morning. You too Katie. I know you're there." Leah said before hanging up.

"How does she do that?" Katie asked in awe. Leah had an uncanny ability to just know things. Nothing of major importance. She just seemed to pick up on the little things, but it was still freaky as hell.

We arrived at Mi Patio and thankfully it wasn't very crowded. Although we had all eaten here millions of times, each of us took about fifteen minutes to look at the menu. We did this every time, despite the fact that we always ended up getting our usual. I ordered carne asada, Jake got pork carnitas, and Katie got mixed fajitas. Of course the meal wouldn't be complete without queso and guacamole. I don't know how we managed to eat everything, but we did. We even got dessert afterwards. Katie paid, per her dads demands and we left in search of adventure.

"Okay Bella, I've given you time. Now you need to talk. What's the real reason you decided to visit so soon after moving?"

I took a deep breath and then filled her in on everything that had happened since moving to Seattle. Some of it was a repeat but it was easier to start from the beginning than trying to remember what I had already shared with her. I wasn't even paying attention to where Jake was taking us. I soon figure out that he was just driving around to give me time to talk. And talk I did. He drove aimlessly around for the nearly two hours it took for me to purge my soul.

"So I guess the condensed version is that I know I need to face my demons before I can fully move on. I now realize that moving on doesn't mean I'll forget what happened, forget you, or forget Elizabeth. Moving on just means that I'll be letting go of the feelings of responsibility and the guilt I've been keeping bottled up. It will mean that I can fully open myself up to new people, places, and experiences. It will mean that I can live a fulfilling life and enjoy the chances and opportunities that are presented to me. It doesn't mean I won't grieve for what was lost or never be sadden by it again. I can't let what James did to me and to us run my whole life. I nearly gave up everything because of him. And I'm not willing to do that anymore. The loses we've been dealt are traumatic enough. I don't need to add more unnecessary hurt to that. It took moving away from here to completely understand what I had been doing to myself. But it took your letter to completely understand what I was doing to those that love and care about me." I finished as I dried the traitorous tears that had fallen.

Katie took a moment to process everything and to gather her thoughts. She looked thoughtful, contemplative, and finally victorious. I expected her words of comfort and wisdom...that's not what I got.

"Well it's about damn time Isabella. You finally pulled your head out of your ass and have finally started to get it together."

I wasn't the only one stunned into silence. But Jake recovered quicker than I did.

"KATIE! Is that really necessary?" He may love Katie, but he was worse than a mama bear when it came to protecting me.

I was still unable to speak; my emotions ranging from sadness, shock, and anger. Until I saw her smirk.

"You bitch!" I yelled at her and immediately started laughing. She knew what she was doing; getting her point across while breaking the tension.

"I fell for it again...didn't I?" Jake asked in a bitter filled voice. "When will I learn?"

"Well Tonto...if you haven't learned after...what 15 years? Well we always knew you had a thick skull." And then we were all laughing.

"Seriously Bella. I'm so happy that you are finally breaking away from it all. I really need to meet these new friends of yours; especially your Edward." There goes my blush. But hell yes, he _is_ my Edward.

After extracting ourselves from the car and helping Katie in her chair; help she didn't need but allowed since it made Jake feel like a man, we made our way back inside her house. I called mom to let her know about the additions to our dinner party and she was thrilled.

Once dinner plans were arranged, Katie asked me to do something that I haven't done since that horrible night in March that changed all of our lives.

"Play with me Bells? You on piano; me on flute?" She asked hesitantly.

I knew this was something I needed to do. It would be an essential part of my recovery, but I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. The only person that I had played with since that night was Edward. I had to take a minute to myself to mentally prepare. I slipped onto her back porch and immediately reached for my phone; mentally chanting pick up, the whole time it was ringing.

"Hey baby." His smooth silky voice rang out after the third ring.

"Edward." I sighed.

"Is everything okay? You sound stressed out?"

"I just needed to hear your voice. Katie wants to play together; we haven't done that since...that night. I know I need to do this, but I'm terrified."

"Oh sweetheart. You are stronger than this. Why don't you do a few of your breathing exercises to calm down. I know this has to be difficult for you, but I have all the faith in the world that you can and will do this."

I took a few minutes to calm down my breathing and started to feel better.

"Will you stay on the phone with me? Just having you close by, even if it isn't physically, helps."

"Whatever you need. I'm just sitting in my room waiting for Alice and Jasper to get out of class so we can leave."

"Thank you Edward."

"Anything for you doll."

I walked back in to find that Katie had already gotten her instrument out and tuned it. I just gave her a thumbs up and smiled, while taking my place on the piano bench.

"Edward, I'm going to lay the phone down on the bench. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Bella...of course I don't mind. I love hearing you play. Now get to it woman." And just like always, he made everything better.

I ran through a few warm up pieces and then Katie and I started playing any and everything we could think of. It was much easier than I ever anticipated. But it was blatantly obvious that someone was missing and it hurt, but it wasn't the crippling pain that I had dealt with in the past. As we played, so many memories of days just like this floated through my head, specifically the day we attempted to teach Jake to play an instrument...any instrument. We had attempted this on many accounts but this day stuck out in my mind.

"_Come on Jake. Sit here." I commanded my thirteen year old best friend._

"_Oh Bells, don't make me. You know I can't play that."_

"_That is a piano, you know this."_

"_Yeah and you know that all three of you have attempted to teach me this before. It doesn't work."_

"_One more time. Please Jakie Poo?" And he was a goner._

"_Fine!"_

_After ten minutes of trying to teach him Mary had a little lamb for about the millionth time, I finally did give up._

"_Are you sucking on purpose so we'll stop trying to teach you or are you really that tone deaf?"_

"_I'll never tell." He laughed._

_Katie, Elizabeth, and I spent the next hour trying to get him to make one decent sound on multiple instruments; clarinet, flute (which he tried to play like a clarinet), harp, harmonica...finally we found something that even he couldn't screw up._

"_Cowbell? Seriously, you're making me play the cowbell?"_

"_Well Jake, I love you to pieces, but you have no talent what so ever. So cowbell it is. Doesn't take much focus to hit a cowbell...now does it?" Elizabeth snarked and then we all laughed._

"_You all suck." He pouted and this of course ended with one of our infamous Jake pile ups._

"_Uggg...you girls are going to be the death of me. I swear. What am I thinking? Have three girls as best friends. Not only do I have to fend off all the swarming guys but now I gotta protect myself from them. I get no love." He muttered under his breath as he made his way to the back yard. That was his biggest mistake._

"_Water fight girls?" Katie asked._

_Let's just say that three against one ended up with a soak and wet Jake._

It helped remembering how much fun we had when we were all together. Although Jake never did learn to play anything, he was always there. A silent presence that just _was_. Katie and I lost ourselves in playing our favorites and before we realized it, an hour had passed. I suddenly remembered that I had asked Edward to stay on the phone with me. I was sure he had hung up, but I should have known better.

"I'm so sorry Edward." I apologized.

"Why? I'm not. Do you have any idea how much I enjoy listening to you play? I've never heard your music sound so free. Alice and Jasper have enjoyed the spontaneous concert as well." He laughed.

"What?"

"Sorry, they showed up about thirty minutes ago but I didn't want to hang up. I put you on speaker phone when we got n the car. They wanted to hear you too."

"Bella, that was amazing! Was that Katie playing with you?" Alice chirped.

"Yes it was." I answered as I put my phone on speaker.

I made introductions and we all chatted for a bit longer before hanging up.

"I like them Bella." Katie stated. "They seem to be great people and wonderful friends for both you and Jake. Now...when am I going to get to meet them?"

"Thanksgiving?" I innocently replied.

"Wait. Are you bringing everyone back here for Thanksgiving?"

"Nope. You're coming to Forks with us." Jake smiled.

"At least, that's what we're hoping." I added.

"Wow. Really? You want me to spend Thanksgiving with you in Forks?"

"Yep. Billy is going to be flying up. Figured he could use a travel companion. Would you want to spend a few days with us?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course I would love to. I can't wait to meet everyone. I'm sure mom and dad won't mind, especially if I tell them Bean asked."

We decided to broach that topic over dinner tonight and feel out the waters, so to speak. Katie was right. As soon as Mary and Joe heard what I wanted, they agreed; as long as all those involved didn't mind. I knew I would need to talk to Edward and then Carlisle and Esme, but I had a feeling they would more than welcome Katie into their home.

Being at dinner with everyone felt familiar but yet foreign at the same time. We were missing people and as much as we were all enjoying the time together, there was a dark cloud that hung over us all. I realized that I wasn't the only one grieving the loses we had all faced. I felt hopeful that the family session with Dr. Leslie would go a long ways in healing all the hurts that had accumulated.

For old times sake; Jake, Katie, and I decided to have a sleepover tomorrow night. Katie had classes in the morning, so tonight was out and I didn't think I was going to be very good company Saturday night. At dinner I asked everyone if they would be willing to attend the family session that Dr. Leslie was setting up for Sunday. Everyone agreed and all voiced that they thought it was a great idea. Now I only had to get Elizabeth's parents to agree. My stomach tied itself in knots thinking about seeing them on Saturday. I waited until the last minute to call them and tell them about my trip and request to visit with them. I was a chicken. I nearly asked Jake to make the phone call for me. But he insisted that it was something I needed to handle on my own. I know they don't blame me and have nothing but loving feelings for me, but it's still hard for me to really accept that. That's one of the things I'm hoping this trip accomplishes; acceptance.

We parted ways, making plans to meet up with Katie after her classes were finished; and made our way back to my house. Edward called to let me know that they had made it to Forks in one piece and to reiterate how much he wished I were with him. Emmett had to ruin the sweet moment by snatching the phone away.

"Bells...is your dad around?"

"Yes." I answered cautiously.

"Put me on speaker." He demanded and I started getting nervous knowing that Emmett has no filter between his brain and his mouth. But I complied.

"Okay Em. You're on speaker phone and just so you know; my mom and Phil, as well as my dad are here."

"Don't you trust me Bells?" He pouted.

"Sure I do Em...about as far as I can throw you." And that earned chuckles all around.

"Chief Swan? I just wanted to let you know that me and my Rosie are on the job while you're away. We even have our own set of handcuffs." SMACK! "Damn, Rose. What was that for?"

"Sorry Charlie. You'll have to forgive my oaf of a boyfriend. He has it in his thick head that he is needed to help protect Forks while you are absent." Rose apologized.

"Thanks Rose. But don't worry your pretty little head; Forks is plenty protected. Besides, I have a feeling any trouble that may arise, will probably be instigated by the one and only Deputy Emmett himself."

"Oh come on Chief. You know I would _NEVER_ cause trouble. Just tell me where the keys to the cruiser are and I assure you that peace and order will be maintained. I even have the lingo down...please get out of the car with your hands in the air; up against the car and spread them; you have the right to remain silent..."

"You sure have been doing your homework Em. But the answer is still no. You know just enough to create months worth of paperwork for me." He chuckled.

"But..." Em complained.

"Don't make me call your dad."

"Sorry Chief Swan."

"But, if you behave yourself this time; I'll make sure you get to ride along with me the next time you are in town. Does that work for you?"

"Really?" Em asked excitedly.

"Really. And I may even let you play with the siren."

"You are the shit sir. I mean Chief. You rock."

"Charlie...you have just made Emmett's year." Rose informed us all. And we could hear the gang all laughing over the phone.

The whole interaction had everyone laughing hysterically. I thankfully got my phone back and finished my conversation with Edward. I told him all about my day and what I had planned for tomorrow. While talking, I made my way to the hammock in the backyard, a place I always found relaxing and peaceful.

"So really, how are things going so far?" Edward asked.

"Better than I would have ever thought, but so far things have been kept pretty light and carefree; with the exception of telling Katie the real reason behind the trip and then playing. But for the most part we've spent most of the day laughing and having fun. Tomorrow I have a morning appointment with Dr. Leslie and then Leah is going to join Jake and I to go visit some of our favorite places."

"Sounds like fun. I hope you'll be able to share them with me one day."

"I would love to Edward."

"So what about Saturday?"

"That's going to be a hard day. I'm planning to visit Elizabeth's grave in the morning and then meet with her parents sometime that afternoon. I don't expect I'll be up for much after that. Katie and Jake have offered to stay with me that night. But I know it's going to be an emotional day and I don't want Katie to see me that way. She never has in the past. Jake is used to it, but I don't want to throw him back into that place either."

"Bella, your friends are there to help you through this. Don't shut them out. I can understand why you don't want Katie there, but do you really think that Jake is going to leave you alone to deal with it all? Do you really think he'll listen to you and stay away?"

No. Jake wouldn't.

"You're right Edward. I just want Jake to be able to focus on himself for once. I've been so selfish in the past. I haven't really given much thought to what he went through, what he sacrificed, or how he was dealing with everything. I was only thinking about myself. I've been a terrible friend to him. He was never able to properly grieve for his friend because he was too busy making sure I didn't turn into a zombie; too busy making sure I remembered to eat. He spent too much time making sure I didn't destroy myself. I don't deserve his kindness, his loyalty, his friendship, or his love. What kind of person am I?" I couldn't stop the tears that were flowing upon that realization. It wasn't that these feelings were new, but they hit me harder than they ever had before.

I could hear Edward calling my name but I didn't answer. I couldn't. I heard rushed words and someone else's voice, but I tuned it out. I was solely focused on my inability to be a true friend to the one person who had never let me down and who had always been there for me. And just like every other time that I've ever needed him, he appeared. He took the phone from me and started talking.

"Hey Edward. I got her. Yeah, she'll be okay. She said what? Shit. I'll take care of it. Thanks for calling me. I'll tell her. You too."

The hammock shifted and then Jake curled up behind me, pulling me to him. I briefly wondered how in the hell he managed that without flipping us both out and onto the ground.

"Sweetie. You have to stop this. It doesn't do you any good and despite what you think, it isn't true. You freaked Edward out pretty good babe. He had Angela call me and she demanded that I go find you. He told me what you said. Bella, how many times do I have to tell you how important you are to me? You are my very best friend. My perfect other half. I don't exist without you. It's a damn shame we don't have romantic feelings for one another because quite frankly, we are perfect for each other." He laughed, trying to break me out of my funk.

"How can you say that? I have been so selfish. You have given and given and all I have done is take. I never gave you time to grieve; you were too wrapped up in taking care of me. How much damage did I do Jake? I can't seem to help but hurt those I care about the most. I don't deserve all the wonderful people in my life. How can you continue to give so much of yourself to me Jake? I can NEVER repay you for all you have done for me."

"Bella, stop this shit right now. Sweetheart, I love the hell out of you. I never expected anything in return. You don't owe me anything. I did what I did because I care about you and I hated to see you in so much pain. I was selfish too. Helping you get through all that shit was helping me to deal with it. I may have lost one friend and watched another suffer a life altering injury but I was not going to lose my very best friend to her own darkness. At least with Elizabeth there was closure and Katie, although physically different, was still Katie. But to watch you waste away into a shell of the person you once were; to watch you spiral into a place I couldn't reach you. I wouldn't have survived that Bella."

"You had every reason to shut down. Yes I lost a friend that night too, but damn it Bella. You saw it happen. You watched James draw the gun. You saw him aim. You heard the gun as the bullet left the chamber. You saw the blood. You touched it Bella. You held Elizabeth as she lay dying. And then you had to make the gut wrenching decision to walk away and leave her in order to save Katie. I know your own safety never even crossed your mind."

"Then you had to endure that bastard touching you, tying you up, a high speed chase, him fucking shooting you, listening to Katie as she screamed in pain, waking up in the hospital only to find out that we'd lost Elizabeth. Don't diminish what you went through. It didn't end there for you. You had months of recovery; physically. And we don't even have time to get into what you had to go through mentally and emotionally. Don't ever belittle our friendship or what I feel for you. I can live with a lot of stuff, but I cannot live without our friendship Bella. Yes, I gave up a lot to be there for you. But I wanted to be there. I know you don't think I've had time to grieve but I have. The demon that I need to put to rest on this trip is my own guilt."

"Your guilt? What do you feel guilty for?" I asked.

"Bella, for as much as you feel guilty for involving Katie and Elizabeth that night; I feel just as guilty for leaving that church. I know I wasn't allowed inside, but had I just waited outside, I would have seen James approach the church and I could have intercepted him, stalled him, called the cops; I could have done _something_."

I was shocked at this revelation. I never thought that this was what Jake was holding on to. And then I felt even shittier for not recognizing that my best friend was suffering with the same issue I was.

"You know you can't blame yourself for that. Who's to say he wouldn't have just shot you too?" I asked through tears.

"Rationally I know I can't blame myself, but you really aren't the person to be giving me this lecture." He smiled at me.

"Yeah yeah...pot meet kettle."

"Come on and lets get you inside. But first, just promise me you'll never ever say anything like that again about our friendship. It hurts to know that's they way you feel. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I expected to be fully repaid every time I was there for you. You may not have helped me through a life altering crisis, but I can promise you that you have been there for me and offered me just as much support in the years that we've been friends."

I highly doubted that but I sure as hell wasn't going to voice that opinion. He helped me out of the hammock and we made our way inside. My mom had a mug of hot chocolate waiting for me and a chilled face mask for my eyes.

"Alice called." was the only explanation that I got.

"Thanks mom. I think I'm going to head to bed. I have a long few days ahead of me and I'm going to need the sleep."

"Okay baby. I'll be here when you wake up in the morning. I love you Bella." She said as she kissed my head.

"I love you too mom."

Jake walked me to my room and then gave me my phone back.

"Call Edward. I'm sure he's climbing the walls by now. I'll be by in the morning to take you to Dr. Leslie's." He pulled me into a hug and then whispered "I hope you know just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Never forget that. Now, go get ready for bed and call your man."

"Night Jake. And thanks for once again saving my sorry ass from myself." I laughed. "And I love you too. But we'd never work out...you hog too much of the bed for my liking." He laughed all the way down the stairs.

I followed Jake's advice and got ready for bed. After taking care of the nightly routine, I changed into my pajama's, slid into bed with the face mask on, and then called Edward back.

"Bella! Is everything okay?" He asked in a rush.

"Edward, I'm so sorry for making you worry. I'm okay now. Jake snatch the kink out and like always made me see reason."

"Thank god. You don't know how close I was to hoping on a plane and coming down there." He laughed, but I had a feeling that he was being perfectly serious.

"You're way too good for me. I don't deserve you and I'm scared to death that I'm going to screw things up. But I'm a selfish girl and I don't intend to let you go."

"No Miss Swan, it is you who is too good for me and it is I who doesn't deserve you. But much like yourself; I'm selfish and don't intend on letting you go. So I think that makes us rather perfect for one another." I could hear the smile in his voice and picture the twinkle in his eye.

"I won't argue that point with you. I happen to wholeheartedly agree."

"Can I get that in writing? You actually agree with me; that _has_ to be a first." We both laughed. We typically agree on most points, but lately I've had fun playing devils advocate when discussing things. It makes for me intriguing conversations.

"Watch it Cullen. But yes, I'll gladly put in writing how perfect I think we are for each other and how great we are together."

"I'll frame it and hang it right beside my check yes or no letter."

"You still have that?"

"Of course I do. Wait...that makes me sound like such a girl. Doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it kind of does." I snickered.

"Oh Swan...am I going to have to remind you just how manly I am? God, now I sound like Emmett. Shit Bella, I think I need to go before I start channeling Alice. That is something that I don't think either of us want to witness."

"You are crazy Edward." I giggled, not being able to rid my mind of the image of Edward jumping up and down squealing like Alice tended to do.

"Only crazy about you baby." He said with a laugh.

**A/N: Well, I've been sitting on this chapter for over a week. I wrote and rewrote the ending countless times, only to delete most of it and leave it where it is. Writing the next two chapters is going to be taxing so maybe you could all give me a little encouragement...hint...hint...(yeah I'm begging for reviews).**

**So what did you think about Eclipse? I've already seen it twice. My 69 year old grandma, who is obsessed with Twilight, drove down to spend the week with me just so we could see the movie together on opening night. She loved it. And now I'm even more nervous about this story because I introduced her to fanfic and she will soon start reading it.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	39. Chapter 39: Will Rise

**A/N:***Hangs head in shame*****

**I know it's been a while. All I can say is that between vacation, visitors, cross country trips, chaos at work, and lightening striking my house...well yeah. It's been a busy time.**

**Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Thanks to the newcomers who have added this story to their alerts. I hope you are all enjoying the story so far.**

**And a special hello and thanks to my Grandma...yep you read that right. My grandma, who is obsessed with Twilight, is reading my fanfic story. Pretty awesome isn't it. She's been calling me for the past two weeks asking when I was going to update the story. Love you Mema!**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter. I had fun writing it, even the sad parts.**

**Chapter 39: Will Rise**

**BPOV**

"Bells, come on or you're going to be late." Jake yelled up the stairs to me. It's a good thing too, because I was lost in my own world at the moment...the world of Edward that is. That seemed to be happening a lot to me lately. It appeared that a portion of my body had to either be in physical or mental contact with Edward at all times. It wasn't enough that he was the dominate figure in my life...nope, he also invaded my dreams, my day dreams, and even when I wasn't consciously thinking of him; a part of my mind was always focused on him. Healthy? Not too sure about that. Makes me happy? Without a doubt. I knew a portion of this was due to the newness of our relationship. But a part of me knew it was more. I had already admitted to myself that I was in love with Edward Cullen; and that scared the shit out of me.

"Earth to Bella! Where did you go?"

"Sorry Jake; just thinking."

"Yeah. About Edward no doubt." He smirked.

"Whatever bozo, let's hit the road." I sighed as I grabbed my phone and threw it in my bag. My phone...the reason I was so lost in my own thoughts in the first place. I woke up to a very sweet and loving text from Edward.

_Morning Beautiful. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and missing you terribly. It isn't the same without you here. You have invaded my every thought since I kissed you bye. I am absolutely crazy about you and I utterly and completely adore you._

_~Edward_

See...easy to get lost in ones own thoughts when someone says something like that to you. After ten attempts, I was finally able to reply.

You sure know how to make a girl swoon Mr. Cullen; as well as feel cherished and loved. I feel the exact same way. I miss you so much and I can't wait until Sunday night. Thank you Edward...for everything.

~Bella

I debated that message for a good fifteen minutes before sending it. I was panicked at the world '_love_' but it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold that feeling back. At least this way I would have to see his face or hear his voice in response. It was a chickens way out, but it was all I could do for now. The ball was in his court now, so to speak. I dropped my hint. Now I just had to wait to see if and how he responded.

"Jeez Bella. I'm starting to think you don't appreciate my company." Jake joked.

"Sorry. I don't mean to be so out of it. Just a lot going on."

"I know sweetie. I'm just picking on you." He started but then stopped and gathered his thoughts before continuing. "You know everything is going to be okay, right? This trip was what you needed; what we both needed. I know the hardest part has yet to come, but we both needed to come back to face our pasts. We can't completely move forward until we settle things here. I know we won't forget but we need to accept. Especially you Bells. You've been carrying this for much too long. And if you can't find a way to let it go, it will eat you alive. And I don't want to see you go through that. You have come so far since Elizabeth died, but you still have hurdles you have to jump. I have no doubt that you are going to face and conquer each and every one of them, but know this. You will never be alone in that fight."

"Thanks Jacob." I said sincerely.

"Wow...this must be serious. You hardly ever call me Jacob."

"Shut it Jake." I responded and punched him in his arm.

"There's my girl I know and love."

We were just pulling into the parking lot of Dr. Leslie's office when my phone buzzed; alerting me to a text. It was only two words. Two simple words, but it made my heart take off at unhealthy speeds and caused me to smile bigger than I ever had.

_You are._

_~Edward_

I once again drifted into my own head.

"Bella...for the last time. You're going to be late. And then we'll be late meeting Leah, and I don't feel like listening to her bitching."

"You love her and you know it. She wouldn't be Leah without the bitch part." God I really did miss that girl.

"So what has you all spaced out?"

"I...I think...well I think he might love me?" I half stated and half questioned.

"Who Edward?"

"Who else smart ass?"

"Well honestly Bella. It's pretty obvious he does. Have you not realized it before now? I'm just shocked that you are still questioning it. I thought you were smarter than that. You usually read people pretty well." He said while smirking; which drives me bat shit crazy and he knows it.

I opened the door and slammed it. I knew he was just picking on me, but I was already wound much too tightly. I heard the whirl of the window and then heard Jake's voice.

"Awww...Bells. Don't be like that. I'm only playing with you." When he realized I wasn't going to turn around, he jumped out of the car and caught me just before I opened the door to the office.

"Really Bella, I was just playing around. I was hoping to break the tension a bit. You know, get you to laugh or something. Boy did that backfire. I never claimed to be smart...just a smart ass." He grinned in apology.

"You big oaf. I know, I'm just not myself right now. You still going to pick me up after my appointment?"

"Yeah. I'm going to run to the store to pick up supplies for tonight and then swing back by here to pick you up. Leah is going to meet us at my dad's in two hours or so."

"Thanks again. I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to be around right now but I'm working on it."

"I know babe. Hang in there. I'll see you in a bit." I gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before he climbed back in the car.

I steeled myself for what was certain to be an emotional hour. I pushed Edward's text to the back of my mind, knowing I had more pressing things to deal with right now. I was sticking to my plan of getting through this weekend before having the talk with Edward. Plus, it wasn't something that I wanted to be acknowledged over the phone or through a text. It deserved to be discussed face to face; even if I was a chicken about the text this morning.

Dr. Leslie's office was nearly deserted when I arrived on the 5th floor. Her secretary, Jane, was sitting at the front desk. She stood to greet me before I could speak.

"Bella Swan! It is so good to see you looking so carefree and healthy dear." She was always blunt and to the point, but I really liked her. Reminded me a lot of Rose. Which made me miss my friends that much more.

"Hey Jane. How have you been?"

"You know me. Staying busy. Just joined a martial arts class and I'm loving it. Putting arrogant men in their place has always been a passion of mine." She laughed.

I learned not long after I started seeing Dr. Leslie that Jane was a special kind of woman. She was in her fifties now and was shorter than Alice and extremely petite. She also was a fifth degree black belt. One of her hobbies was enrolling in adult martial arts classes and putting overgrown man children in their places. Of course the instructors always knew of her skill level. They thought it was hilarious to see this tiny 'old' woman going up against big burly men. I never did muster up the courage to ask her what a male did that caused her to be so jaded. Honestly, I was a bit afraid of her.

"Oh Jane...I hope you never change. Got any good stories?"

"Well just last week I made a grown man cry; a big one at that. He wanted to know why such a tiny old lady was in his class. Sensei just laughed and told both of us to join him in the sparring circle, telling us to have at it. This was an advanced class, so I knew he'd have skill, but he had no idea of my skill level. He let my age and build fool him. He was hesitant to spar and after a few minutes of pointless circling, I'd had enough and lunged for him. He ended up on the floor holding his crotch when he misjudged one of my front kicks and reacted much too slowly. I quickly took him out with a swift roundhouse kick. Sensei just laughed and told him the first rule of martial arts is to never underestimate your opponent. The big cry baby didn't find it very amusing. But the rest of the class did."

I was laughing at the mental image of tiny Jane landing a big grown man on his ass when Dr. Leslie came out of her office.

"Bella! It's wonderful to see you. Sorry Jane, but I'm going to steal her away now."

"You two go ahead...you know where to find me."

I followed Dr. Leslie into her office and she had a hot chocolate already waiting for me. Unlike my previous visit, this felt more like catching up with an old friend. And I guess in a way it was. I had become much more comfortable with who I was and the events of my life since our last meeting. It gave me a newfound confidence that I wasn't aware of until I entered her office.

"Well I must say Bella, Washington seems to really be agreeing with you. I've kept up with your progress through Dr. Kym. I'm assuming things are going well with her?"

"Yes. Very well. She reminds me a lot of you so it didn't take long for me to get comfortable with her. She's helped me over quite a few hurdles over the past few months and surprisingly they all haven't been related to what happened here. I can't tell you how grateful I am for all you've done for me and for pointing me in Dr. Kym's direction."

"I'm so happy it has worked out for you. I have to be honest. I was worried that once you arrived in Seattle that you'd stop therapy, but I should have known better. Once you put your mind to something, you follow through. But enough about that. Dr. Kym has been sending me all of her session notes that pertain to what I was treating you for so I've been able to follow your progress over the past few months. So there's no need to rehash that. I will say that I've enjoyed the new bands I've been turned on to. It's amazing that if I had to, I could follow your progress through the songs alone. They have been so telling. It's been a wonderful thing to witness. But enough about that, I want to talk about why you've decided to come back to Phoenix and what you are hoping to accomplish."

"Well I'm glad that you've found some new talent. The song therapy that Dr. Kym does, really is pretty insightful and it made opening up to her that much easier."

"She really is quite inventive." Dr. Leslie chuckled. "Now, let's move on to the topic at hand...your trip."

"Honestly I'm just ready to move past what happened. I know I'll never forget it and I don't want to, but it's time for me to stop letting it run my life. I feel that I've made excellent progress over the last few months and it's made me realize just how much I've let what James did control my life. I've made some wonderful friends in Washington and they've really made a difference. I've really been able to open myself up to them and it was so much easier than I ever imagined it would be. Before August...I had never really shared my whole story; willingly. Since I moved I have retold the story in it's entirety three times...all by my own choice. They've helped me come to a lot of realizations over the past few months. One of the biggest things is that I'm able to play again...even compose; which was something I wasn't able to do after Elizabeth died." I had to stop to take a breath and took a gulp of the hot chocolate before continuing.

"But as much as things are progressing and getting better for me, I'm still holding on to guilt and the feeling that I'm responsible for what happened. I know it seems like I'm okay now, but I'm scared that if I hold on to those feelings that it will all come crashing down on me when I least expect it. I don't need any sleeper cells waiting to attack me. I also realized that Elizabeth wouldn't want this for me. She was so full of life and was always telling us to live each day to the fullest. Katie and Jake have pointed out that she would be highly disappointed in me for the way I've closed myself off and for taking on the blame for the whole situation. I don't want to tarnish her memory that way. I want her to be proud of me. I guess I feel that by coming back and visiting her and talking with the people that were directly affected, I may be able to really let go of those negative feelings. Then and only then will I truly be able to live. And I don't want to do this just for Elizabeth and my family. I want it for myself above anything. But like most things; this is easier said than done."

Dr. Leslie was smiling at me with a look of pride.

"You really are getting better. I mean, I knew that you were making excellent progress, but to see it and hear it for myself is something else. I agree that this visit was necessary for you to start to rid yourself of those feelings. I'm ecstatic that you recognize that the only way this will work is if you do it for yourself. Family and friends are great motivators, but if you aren't willing to fully commit yourself to it, then your chance of failure is high."

"It took me a while to figure that one out and although the thoughts of doing it for my family did help me heal to a degree, it wasn't until I made up my mind to live for me that things actually started to really progress. It finally sunk in that no one can do these things for me and that I had to stop depending on everyone else to make me better. I've just recently realized that I depended on Jake way too much. He has never once complained and has told me time and again that he wanted to be there for me, but I know, even if he won't admit it, that I kept him from fully dealing with the situation. That's another reason I felt this trip was important...Jake needed it too."

"Bella, don't beat yourself up too much over being so dependent on Jake during that time. I have to say, he is one of the most mature and selfless people I have ever encountered. With his personality, I believe that by taking care of you, he was dealing with what happened. He knew that Elizabeth wouldn't want you to waste away and Katie wouldn't want it either. So by taking care of you he was helping his best girls. Do you understand? I'm not saying that he doesn't have anything left to deal with, I'm pretty positive he does. But I think you need to really listen to him when he tells you that he did it for him just as much as he did it for you."

Jake, as well as everyone else, had pretty much told me the same thing, but hearing Dr. Leslie say it really hit home. I finally understood what he had been telling me for nearly the past two years...and I loved him even more for it. But even though I was now starting to believe him; I knew it would take some time for it to really sink in.

"I think you'll find that you aren't the only one involved that is still harboring feelings of guilt and responsibility about what happened. Nor are you the only one still holding on to the past...and not in a good way. I'm hoping our group session on Sunday will be enlightening, but I will forewarn you...it isn't going to be easy on anyone. In order for it to be effective everyone is going to have to be open and honest; you have to be completely honest Bella. I know there are things that you don't want to express or talk about, but it is going to be a must." She gave me a stern but sympathetic look.

"You mean I'm going to have to talk about my rock bottom?" I asked hesitantly. Not many people knew about that night.

"No. We won't talk about that unless you feel the need to. I mean that you will need to be honest about your feelings concerning the incident when talking to the group. Also, answer any questions posed to you as honestly as you can. I know it's hard for you to talk about that night, but you, Katie, and James are the only ones alive that know what truly went on. I know a lot of things were discussed at the trial but it was never discussed on a more personal level with the families. No matter how much you think your answers may hurt, just be truthful. Sometimes we have to open old wounds for the healing process to be completed."

I understood completely. I wasn't able to start the grieving process until I allowed myself to remember that night. I only put off my recovery by repressing what happened. I immediately started to feel guilty about my silence. I hadn't talked to Katie or Elizabeth's family about that night except during the trial...and that was only when I was on the stand. I didn't want to even think about how my silence may have hindered their grieving process.

"Don't beat yourself up Bella. I can tell what you are thinking, it's written all over your face. Nobody expected you to broach that topic with those that were involved. It took long enough for you to even allow yourself to think about it. But now it's time and I'm glad that you realized that on your own."

We spent the rest of our time talking about how things were going for me in Washington. She asked a lot of questions about my new friends; especially Edward. I found myself opening up to her about my fears where he was involved. As always, she gave me plenty of advice and gave me quite a bit to think about. I stored it away for contemplation once I was back in Washington.

Just as promised, Jake was waiting for me when my appointment was over; and the car was full of supplies.

"Damn Jake...how many people are hanging out with us tonight?" I laughed. "You know Emmett is in Forks right?"

"Haha, funny Bells. I wasn't sure if Leah was going to stay or not Then there is me, you, and Katie. Plus Renee, Phil, Charlie, and dad will be hanging out at your place for a while tonight. I just wanted to make sure we don't have to make any late night runs."

"Makes sense. I'm sure dad will be thrilled. He loves to junk out." I smiled thinking of all the late night junk food marathons we'd had in the past. For some reason that thought made me miss the gang even more.

"I miss them too Bells. It's amazing how quickly they have all become family to us. Even though I know we needed to make this trip with just the two of us...I can't help but with they had all been able to come."

"I agree. Hey, maybe we can convince everyone to come down over Spring Break..." and I immediately seized up.

"Bella...are you okay. Sweetie talk to me." I could hear the panic in his voice.

It took me a few minutes but I was finally able to speak.

"I'm sorry Jake. I guess the thought of bringing all of our new friends here over Spring Break was a bit much for me. I know it's an irrational fear, but I just don't want them anywhere near here during that time. I don't want to be here during that time."

"I completely understand. Maybe we can do it over the summer. Besides, we'd have more time to hang out and explore. Maybe even rent a place down by the lake for a week." He grinned.

He always knew what to do to make things better for me. He really is a God send.

"Thanks Jake. I like that idea." And just like that, things were better.

We dropped all the supplies off by my house before heading to Billy's. Leah was already waiting for us when we pulled up.. She and Billy were sitting on the front porch passing a bottle of something between the two of them.

"Starting a bit early today I see." Jake laughed.

"Oh shut it you ass. It's mom's homemade lemonade. Yours and Bella's is in the house. So what are the plans for the day?"

Jake went in and got the bottles of lemonade for us...his aunt really did make the best lemonade.

"I don't have any clue. Katie is going to give us a call when she is out of class for the day, so I don't want to go too far. I was thinking we could hike to Piestewa Peak. The weather is excellent for it and to be honest...I miss the sun."

"That's a great idea Bells." Jake said. "Even you can manage _that_ trail."

I shot him a death glare and was getting ready to lay into him, but Billy beat me to it.

"Do you really think it's wise to piss her off son." He chuckled. "You seem to be forgetting that Leah is here too and I'll let you in on a secret...females stick together. This is something you should have learned by now considering your best friends growing up were three girls."

"Uncle Billy, no offense, but Jake isn't the brightest star in the sky."

"Maybe so...but guess what. We come from the same gene pool. So what does that say about you." Jake smirked at Leah. To an outsider it would seem that these two were being cruel but this was their typical banter.

"Only that I got all the good ones. I was swimming in the deep end that day. You were stuck in the baby pool." She laughed.

We visited with Billy for a little while before heading to Piestewa Peak. We stopped for a late breakfast on the way. I called Edward after we ate. He filled me in on their vacation so far. It was full of video games and movies. They had planned to go to the beach but in true Forks fashion, the rain hadn't stopped. Neither of us broached the topic of our earlier text messages but there was no weirdness between us. I mentioned that Jake and I wanted the whole group to come down for a visit over the summer and he readily agreed; as did everyone else. Even Carlisle and Esme seemed interested in visiting. I was so excited about the prospect of everyone coming down that I began channeling Alice and started bouncing up and down in my seat. Leah looked at me like I had grown a third eye.

"Don't worry Leah. She isn't possessed. You just need to meet her roommate Alice and then you would completely understand."

"Are you sure I don't need to break out the holy water?"

"Shut it bitch." I laughed.

"Damn Bells...you really are getting better." Leah grinned.

I wrapped up my phone call just as Jake parked at the trail head. We grabbed our bags and headed out. I was so glad I remembered to pack my camera. We took our time hiking the trail and stopped often so that I could snap some pictures. I even took a few with my phone and sent them to the gang. Alice immediately started researching things to do in Phoenix and informed me that she was already working on planning our summer trip. I wish I could bottle her energy...we'd all be millionaires.

Angela called Jake when we were at the peak and he stepped away to talk to her. Leah took the opportunity to be serious.

"So Bella, how are things really going?"

"Really well. Honestly. Moving to Seattle has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm still in a state of shock at how much has changed since we moved. I miss my family and friends that we left behind here in Phoenix more than I ever thought, but it's not enough to make me want to come back. Phoenix isn't my home any longer. But that doesn't mean I don't miss it. I know this may sound like rambling and not make any sense what so ever, but I feel like I have to distance myself from here so that all of my great memories aren't tarnished by that one night. I don't want to resent this place. I need to come to terms with what happened and then maybe I can see it as home again in the future."

"I can understand that. I won't lie...it is a bit confusing but I do get the gist of it. Is that why you and Jake decided to make the trip down here?"

"Yeah. Things have really been getting better for me but there are still a lot of issues that I need to confront and I can't do that in Seattle. The same thing applies to Jake. He needed this trip just as much as I did. It's time that we both deal with our demons."

"He's something else, isn't he? I know I give him shit all the time and ride his ass; but he is the most compassionate and selfless person I know. Jake has always had a warm heart and a giving spirit. Even as a child. I've always worried that due to his personality he would be a taken advantage of, but that has never happened. He is also an excellent judge of character. I know I'm older than he is, but I look up to him and respect him more than he'll ever know. That admiration only grew when I witnessed how he took care of you when you weren't able to do it for yourself."

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay him for all he's done for me. I can't imagine what I've done in my life to deserve such devotion."

"Bella...if I know anything about Jake, it's this. He does these things because he wants to. Not because he feels obligated to. He would never want or expect any type of repayment. Well I take that back. All he wants is your friendship and to be loved."

"I'm all too aware of that. We've had this conversation many times since we moved. But it's still hard for me to accept that. People like him are very rare."

"Sometimes I wonder if he is the way he is because he is seeking out approval and validation. Think about it. He hasn't ever really been close to any males. His best friends growing up were females and he was always the protector. It's only been very recently that he has even attempted more than a simple acquaintance with a male."

"What are you getting at?" Because she had me intrigued.

"This may come out all jumbled but I think that Jake is drawn to females due to his lack of a mother growing up and he craves that interaction but he also takes on the role that most mothers do. Think about it. He is fiercely protective and loyal. He is compassionate and caring. He tends to be the strength for those around him when things get difficult. He is always putting others before himself and never complains about it. He always strives to make things better. These are all behaviors of a typical mother."

I had to laugh at the awed look on her face when she processed her own revelation. But she was absolutely correct.

"I don't think approval and validation are the proper terms, but I'm not really sure what terms would work." She said almost to herself.

"Well whatever it is; I couldn't be more thankful for him. He is going to make an excellent husband and father someday." I mused.

"Speaking of...what can you tell me about this Angela person? Oh and if you ever tell him that I look up to him and admire him...I'll hunt you down. I don't need him to think I'm going soft." She laughed breaking up one of the most serious moments I had ever shared with her.

I spent the next ten minutes filling her in on Angela. Jake joined us shortly after and we started our hike back down the trail. Jake and I filled her in on the happenings of the past few months. She was especially interested in my birthday weekend. Which I unsuccessfully prevented Jake from spilling. Leah was shocked.

"I knew you had it in you. Damn, now I'm going to have to make a trip to Seattle to visit and see this for myself."

"I don't think so. It was a one time thing." I stated sternly.

"Isabella Marie Swan...I'll just have to call your friends. From what you've both told me, no one can resist this Alice. I've just found my new partner in crime." She laughed. Lord help us all. I can only imagine the trouble she'll get in if she hooks up with Alice...not to mention Rose and Em...

I told her all about Edward and Jake even opened up to her about Angela. It was easy to see how much Leah and Jake loved one another, despite their constant bickering. By the time we reached the vehicle, we were all starving. But not wanting to spoil our dinner, we opted for a small snack before heading back.

"So I think we need to have a cook out tonight. We haven't done that in ages." I suggested.

"Good thing I already picked up everything for one then, isn't it." Jake smiled.

"You think of everything. I need to call my mom so she doesn't make other plans."

"Already taken care of. I called her while I was at the store. Katie's parents are going to join us as well. Speaking of Katie, she should be out of class soon. Think we should just go ahead to her house so she doesn't have to worry about driving over?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll send her a quick text to let her know."

We picked up Katie and headed back to my house where my mom already had the blender going. She may not be able to cook for shit, but she sure could make one mean margarita. In the past she had allowed me to take a sip whenever she made them but I nearly fell out on the floor when she handed me a salt rimmed glass filled to the brim with the frozen green concoction.

"Thanks mom." I said as I took a sip only to find out...it wasn't a virgin.

"Mom, I think you gave me the wrong one."

"Nope. You may not be of age to legally drink that, but you are still a grown up. As long as you stay home tonight; you are welcome to partake. That goes for the rest of you as well. Except Leah...you're cut off after one. I don't want you driving home if you have anymore than that."

My jaw was on the floor.

"Isabella...close your mouth honey; I haven't had a chance to mop the floor this week and I don't know what's lurking down there. I'm not naive enough to think that you don't drink. Do you honestly think I don't know what went on the weekend of your birthday. Hell, all it took was one look at Emmett and I knew he'd corrupt you." She laughed. "You silly girl. Just be safe. That's all I'm asking."

Jake was rolling on the floor with laughter at my frozen state. I was snapped out of it by a flash.

"Oh Bella...wait till the gang sees this picture. The look on your face is priceless." He yelled as he made his way to the backyard.

"You're dead Jake." I shouted as I set my drink down and ran after him. He took off when he realized that I was after him.

"You can't catch me Bells. Just give it up." He said as he jumped over the railing on the back porch. I knew better than to hurl myself over the railing...I'd end up in the ER. But that didn't stop me from bolting down the steps. I nearly had him too, but in true Bella fashion; I tripped over my own feet.

"Son of a..." I got out before I was hoisted off the ground and thrown over Jake's shoulder in a fireman's hold.

"Put me down you big jerk. I can't believe you did that. Isn't it bad enough that I embarrass myself when I'm around them. Now you have to give them even more ammo. I swear; if Em gives me shit I'm taking it out on you." I said sternly but it had no effect whatsoever considering I was laughing through my scowl.

He finally plopped me down in the hammock before collapsing on top of me. I had no clue how we managed to stay in the thing.

"Get your big foot self off me. You're going to suffocate me. And I promise I'll come back and haunt your ass." I huffed out as I attempted to put him in a headlock.

"I swear, things really don't change. These two act just like they did when they were kids. They are just bigger and supposedly more mature." I heard Billy say as my dad and Phil snorted in laughter. Katie and Leah were right beside them but were doing a slightly better job at holding in their giggles.

"Well I for one hope they never change." Katie said sincerely.

And just to piss me off even more; Jake planted a big wet sloppy kiss right on my forehead.

"Gross you big dog...how does Angela deal with you?" I sputtered as I attempted to get his spit off my face.

"Hey, I haven't heard the first complaint from her. She loves her some Jakey."

"Now I really didn't need to hear that." Billy stuttered as Leah scoffed and Charlie laughed.

After calming down, Jake handed me his phone so I could read all the responses he had already received. I was right; I was never going to live it down. Emmett had already informed Jake that he was setting that picture as my caller ID on his phone. Jasper was apparently going to do the same thing. Great. Edward just thought I looked 'adorable.' Whatever...sometimes I think that boy really needs his eyes checked. Alice, Rose, and Angela all wish Jake good luck in dealing with a very pissed off Bella. See, they are true friends.

We made our way back to the deck where everyone was now lounging around. My mom had already brought out two pitchers of margaritas along with some chips and salsa. Yeah we have chips and salsa as appetizers whenever we cook on the grill. Mary and Joe showed up just a little while later and joined in the festivities. Around 6:00 my dad, Phil, and Billy manned the grill. Yes, it took three of them.

The idea that men were born with the engrained knowledge of how to grill was laughable in my family. Charlie could only grill one thing...fish. Matter of fact, that's about all he could cook. I swear, he could write a book on 1,001 ways to prepare fish. But ask him to boil water; and he would look at you like you were speaking Latin.

Phil was slightly better. One would think that being around all things baseball his entire life would have granted him some grilling abilities. I mean...what goes better with baseball than a hotdog and cooking out? His defense was that he spent too much time actively participating in the game rather than getting fat. I could see his point, but still. How hard is it to throw hotdogs and hamburgers on the grill? You put them on, you turn them a few times, and then you serve them up. It isn't rocket science.

Billy's excuse was that he never had to learn. When he was still living in La Push...any and all hotdogs that were cooked over an open fire were done so on the beach over a bonfire. Doesn't take much skill to spear a hotdog with a sharp object and thrust it over the fire. When he was old enough, Jake took on the cooking duties. Well until I came along and took pity on both he and Billy.

I on the other hand was actually a pretty decent griller, but due to my coordination or lack thereof; I was forbidden to go near anything that housed an open flame. Dinner should prove to be an interesting event.

Two hours and many charred hotdogs later, we were all enjoying an excellent meal. I was having so much fun catching up with my extended family. But no matter how wonderful the evening was going, it was apparent that something was missing. Well not something...someone. I was starting to regret my decision to not see Elizabeth's parents until tomorrow. They should have been included tonight. My own feelings of doubt and fear held me back from reaching out to them. I was being selfish and the worst part; I knew I was being selfish and I continued on with my actions anyway. I was scared to face them.

Jake immediately noticed the change in my demeanor and pulled me inside under the guise of taking in some of the dishes.

"Everything okay Bells?"

"Yes...no...I don't know."

"Want to talk it out?"

"I just feel really guilty for denying Sarah and Jim the opportunity to enjoy the evening with us. I should have invited them over. Hell, I shouldn't have waited until the last minute to let them know that I was coming in to town."

"Why did you wait?" He questioned.

"Because I'm selfish and I'm scared." I admitted

"Why? You know you have nothing to be scared of and I don't see how you are being selfish."

"Yes. I am. I decided to put off calling them until the last minute because I was scared of their reaction. That's the same reason I decided not to see them until the day before we fly back. I'm scared of what I'll see and hear when we finally come face to face again. Jake, I know I've seen them since all of this happened. But I haven't really seen them. I know that sounds confusing as hell, but I wasn't myself back then. I wasn't dealing with things well. I couldn't even look into a mirror because I couldn't stand the site of my own reflection. I couldn't see six inches in front of me due to the grief and guilt and grief that was eating me alive. So there was no way I could comprehend anything they were feeling or saying to me. In a way, I feel like this is the first time I've seen them since Elizabeth died. I'm selfish because I want to enjoy what little time I have here before facing them."

"You're right...that was confusing as hell. But I understand. I really do. But you shouldn't be scared of them. They were like another set of parents to you when you were growing up. Bella, they love you just as much now as they did then. Regardless of what you think...they don't blame you and they certainly don't hold you responsible. I also don't think your actions are selfish; they are just human instinct. We tend to put off things that will undoubtedly bring about negative emotions."

"You really are wise Jake."

"Yeah...I know."

"Smart ass."

"But you love me for it."

Although I was still apprehensive about the upcoming meeting, I felt better about the whole thing. My phone rang as we were making our way back outside and I waved Jake on, letting him know I'd be out in a bit. I wondered over to my piano as I talked to Edward about the afternoon and night. He filled me in on their day as well. It was packed full of video games for the guys and the girls helped Esme paint one of the guest rooms as well as redecorate her office. They did manage to get down to First Beach, despite the rain. They were quickly learning that it really does rain all the time in Forks and the best thing to do is to just brave it. Edward played the middle man between the gang and myself before we finally said goodbye for the night.

Leah left a little after 10:00 to make the drive back to her house. I hated to see her go, but she mentioned trying to fly up with Billy and spend Thanksgiving with us all. After promising to keep in better touch and one last hug, she hopped down the steps and got in her car.

"I really hope she can make it up for Thanksgiving. Can you imagine her, Em, and Rose together? Forks and La Push will never be the same if that happens." I laughed and Jake agreed.

"i really miss her. I never realized just how much until I saw her sitting on the porch with my dad when we pulled up today. But if you tell her that, I'll kick your ass." Jake said while winking. I had to laugh at just how similar Jake and Leah really were.

"Your secret is safe with me...but it will cost you. Help me clean up this mess so we can go barricade ourselves in my room with what's left of all that junk you bought today."

"Yes ma'am."

We quickly cleaned up the kitchen before my mom had the chance to protest. I grabbed all of the junk food and made my way to my bedroom. It was a weird sensation being back here again. It felt so familiar but yet so foreign at the same time. It struck me once again just how checked out I'd been since James had pushed his way into my life. If I was going to be totally honest with myself, I hadn't been the same since that day he followed my mom and I home from the ball field. I was brought out of my thoughts by a loud shriek.

"Jacob Black! Put me down you big jerk. I may not be able to use my legs, but I sure as hell can figure out a way to kick ass. I am perfectly capable of getting to Bella's room on my own." She sounded pissed, but the anger quickly faded into laughter; alerting us all that she was just giving Jake a hard time.

It still amazed me that she could be so accepting and almost flippant about her situation. I was once again hit with a wave of disgust that for one, it took me so long to seek help and two that it had taken me even longer think of anyone else other than myself. Selfish. That was the one word that kept running through my head. I was utterly and completely selfish. I had been so wrapped up in my own despair and grief that I hadn't even attempted to be there for Katie and Jake; as well as their families. I had allowed all those negative feelings to invade me and I drowned in them. I let myself be taken away by them and only saw what I was going through.

It's easy to see that now and I understand that I was dealing with feelings of responsibility and guilt that it even happened in the first place. On top of that, I was also dealing with survivors guilt. All those negative feelings lead to depression and it only got worse when I couldn't do the one thing that had always brought me peace and comfort...music. Knowing and accepting this didn't make it any easier to digest. Katie and Jake's laughter pulled me from my thoughts and I made the decision to not let my thoughts ruin our night. Tomorrow and Sunday were going to be difficult enough. I wanted tonight with my friends to be fun; not marred by the emotional roller coaster that was going on within me.

I slid into the bathroom quickly, before they could get to my room. They could both easily read me and I needed to compose myself before facing them. I washed my face before pulling out my phone and sending a quick text to Alice.

I need your words.

~B

This was the signal we had agreed upon before leaving. She made me promise that if at anytime I started to crumble, I would let her know. Within minutes my phone was buzzing.

_You can do this Bella. You are an incredibly strong and amazing woman. It wasn't your fault. You deserve happiness. Don't forget you have a wonderful family to support you and on top of that you have a group of extraordinary friends that love you. And don't forget about your extremely hot, sexy boyfriend...who I must tell you, is going stark crazy without you. We all miss you and love you to pieces. Call me if you need me. I love you!_

_~Ali_

Thanks. You always know how to make me feel better. Must be a Cullen thing. I'm good now. I'll call you tomorrow. May be late. It's going to be a rough day.

~B

I closed my phone and walked into my room. Katie and Jake were already propped up on my bed surrounded by what looked like all the junk food in Phoenix. Jake gave me a knowing look and I quickly shook my head. Thankfully he let it go.

"Come on Bean. We were starting to get worried that you tripped and ended up with your foot stuck in the toilet again." Katie laughed.

"Oh come one. That happened one time. ONE TIME when I was 13 and you have never let me forget that."

"Yeah, like you've ever let me live down the time I walked into the gym with my dress tucked into the back of my underwear." She snorted.

"Or the time that I superglued my hand to my ass." Added Jake.

"I still haven't figured out how that happened, and don't think I believe that bullshit story you've told all these years either." Katie mumbled and I agreed. Jake had never spilt the details of how that had happened.

"Elizabeth. That's how. She didn't tell me it was superglue when she gave me the bottle. She told me it was a liquid cream that would help get rid of the calluses on my hands. I put it in my bathroom the afternoon that she gave it to me. I had just gotten out of the shower and put some on my hand when I got an itch. Yes that's right, I scratched my ass. Imagine my mortification when I yell for my dads help only for him to find me with my hand stuck to my ass cheek. He kept telling me to put some clothes on and stop touching myself. It wasn't until I physically demonstrated that I literally could not stop touching myself that it finally clicked for him. Three hours later I was finally able to use my hand again...after a trip to the ER to detach my hand from my ass. I was never so glad to put pants on in my life. It was embarrassing enough that Billy saw that, but to been seen like that in a public place..." He finally caved and told us.

"Why didn't she ever tell us that?" I questioned while I tried to catch my breath. I could not stop the giggles from bubbling up. And I knew I had the perfect piece of revenge information. Just wait until Em hears about this.

"She felt terrible that I ended up having to go to the ER for it. In all honestly, I should have expected something like that. After all, I was the one that put that hair dye in her shampoo bottle. She was just paying me back. At least my problem was solved within a few hours. She had to sport bright pink hair for two days until her mom was able to get her into the hair salon to fix it. We called a truce and never told anyone about it in fear that we'd all get in trouble. I mean, our parents could only take so much. We had already pushed them to their limits and we were scared that they would stop the four of us from seeing one another for a while."

And that was the truth. There was about a three month period where we were constantly trying to one up each other on pranks. They started small but slowly escalated. Our parents were quickly losing their patience with us. Renee came home one day to find our entire house covered in toilet paper. Katie's parents came home one day and were unable to open a single door...Jake had somehow managed to get inside and tie all the door knobs together with yards of string. They had to end up crawling in through the basement window.

Billy had to face questioning by the local police when I decided to wrap his front porch up in yellow police tape...yeah, Charlie may have been in on that one too. Somehow Elizabeth's house never suffered from one of our pranks. But our parents informed us that if we wanted to continue the pranks that they needed to stay between the four of us and that the houses were off limits. Somehow I don't think tricking one another into gluing body parts together was what they had in mind.

We spent the next hour reminiscing about all the crazy stuff we did before Katie suggested a round of name that tune. I hooked up my iPod to it's dock and set it to random. For the next twenty minutes we did nothing but yell out the names of songs as they would start to play. I felt I had an unfair advantage as it was my iPod we were using but we had fun all the same. Both Katie and Jake were blown away when one of Edward's original compositions started to play. That took our conversation in the direction of our friends back in Seattle.

The three of us were able to have a really in depth discussion about everything that had happened since we'd moved and everyone that we had met. I was a little hesitant at first to fill her in on how close I was with Alice because I didn't want her to feel like she was being replaced but she put my fears at ease.

"Bella, I can't tell you how relieved I am that you have found such a wonderful friend...well friends. I wish we could be closer but I don't ever want you to feel like you can't talk to me about your new friends. I know no matter what, you'll always be my Bella Bean and I'll always be your Katie Bug. But you deserve to make new friends too. I'm so thankful for them already and I haven't even met them yet."

"How did you know?"

"You wear your emotions on your sleeve sweetie. Plus I've known you long enough to know what goes in in that head of yours. Just like I know something was bothering you when Jake and I first came up but you didn't want to talk about it...so I let it go." She smirked.

"Unbelievable. I really am pretty transparent...huh?"

"Sorry babe, but yes. You are." Jake snickered.

Katie told us all about school and some of the friends she had made. She seemed really interested in this guy named Garrett, but I didn't push her on it. She'd open up about him if and when she was ready. Sometime around two in the morning, we decided we should try to get some sleep. Jake helped Katie get into the bathroom since it wasn't set up to accommodate her wheel chair. He'd had a lot of practice with Billy growing up. It still amazed me at how agile she really was considering she couldn't use her legs. She knocked on the door when she was finished and Jake carried her back to the bed.

Jake popped in one of mine and Katie's favorite movies before crawling into bed with us. It was a tight squeeze, but I didn't mind one bit. It brought back so many memories of past sleepovers.

"Tell me again why I continually subject myself to the torture that is 'Pride and Prejudice'?"

"Because you love us. Plus, it puts you to sleep rather quickly." I answered him. And sure enough...not ten minutes after he told us good night, he was asleep. Katie wasn't far behind him either. I on the other hand, despite how exhausted I was; couldn't sleep.

I tried not to toss and turn but it was useless. I finally pulled out my iPod and searched through my playlist until I reached the one Edward made for me. It took a little while, but I was finally able to turn my thoughts away from what I was going to do in the morning and fall asleep.

My sleep was anything but restful though. It seemed like only minutes after shutting my eyes I was jolted awake by the very thoughts I had pushed away before falling asleep. After attempting to keep still and not wake Jake and Katie, I climbed out of bed and reached for my phone. I had only been asleep about two hours but I knew I wasn't going to go back to sleep. It was still early but not too early for me to get up. Well if you consider 5 am not too early.

I fished through my bag until I found a pull over and put it on. I grabbed my messenger bag before moving downstairs where I promptly started the coffee pot. I thought of Edward. This was our normal routine; having coffee together. I desperately wanted to talk to him but I didn't want to wake him, although I was positive he wouldn't have cared. I fixed a cup of coffee, pulled my scrapbook out of my messenger bag and sat at the kitchen bar to prepare myself for the day.

I had only been sitting alone for ten minutes when I felt the presence of others in the room. I smelled Old Spice and gardenias...my mom and dad.

"Did you guys plan this?" I asked in amusement.

"No honey, but when you have children; you'll understand. We parents just have a sixth sense about these things."

"She's right kiddo. So, you gonna share that pot of coffee with your old parents?"

"Speak for yourself Charlie...I'm anything but old" my mom scoffed in mock anger.

"Once again...she's right kiddo."

"I need this in writing. I don't think I've ever heard your dad say I was right so many times in such a short time span." She smiled as she ruffled Charlie's hair.

"You two are something else." I often wondered why they ever got divorced. I knew things hadn't gone well for them when I was younger, but from my earliest memories I couldn't ever remember them not being completely at ease around one another. Of course that could have been all for me. I did know that the incident with James caused us all to be closer. I had to ask the question though...plus I needed to get my mind off of the days upcoming events.

"Can I ask you two something? I'm not trying to dredge up the past but I'm genuinely curious and I've never really talked to you two about this before."

"You can ask us anything sweetie and we'll do our best to answer your questions." My mom assured me with a smile.

I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts before speaking. I didn't want this to come out the wrong way. But in true Bella fashion...it didn't work.

"Why did you two get a divorce?" And there it was. I watched as my mom and dad exchanged nervous glances before my dad spoke up.

"We've been wondering when you would ask this. Took you long enough." He chuckled. "Your mother and I were great friends before we got married. Actually a lot like you and Jake. However, unlike you two; we did have a romantic connection. Unfortunately it just wasn't enough of one." My dad told me and I could hear the sadness in his voice.

"We got married on an impulse, but we never considered it a mistake. After all, how could we? It brought us you. But honey, we started fighting a lot and we were making each other miserable. It wasn't one thing that happened, just a build up of things. Thank God we were mature enough to sit down and talk through things instead of being irrational."

"Your mother and I decided that it would be best if we separated. We do not subscribe to the line of thought of 'staying together for the children' because we both believe that in the end, children are so much smarter than they are given credit for. If we had stayed together for you, we both believed we would have damaged you. We believed that if we separated amicably and kept the lines of communications open, that you would have a better life. Who wants to deal with two unhappy parents? Plus we knew we wouldn't be able to make our marriage work. At least we didn't subject you to an unhealthy relationship. We didn't want you to think that's the way all marriages were."

"Your father and I were both bitter and hurt, but it wasn't so much that our marriage was over. I was grieving for the lose of the wonderful friendship and connection we had."

"Me as well, Bells."

"It killed us both when I moved us away from Forks but at the time we needed distance. Not from you but from each other. It was selfish on both our parts but that's the past. Marriage nor raising a child comes with a handbook. We did what we thought was best at the time."

"I still love and care for your mother very much."

"As I do for your dad, but honey our marriage would have never lasted. But at least we were able to salvage the friendship we once had."

"Wow. I can't believe I never knew all this." I was truly stunned. "I guess it's just shocking because before...well you know, it didn't seem like you two were very close."

"It's true that we've become much closer but we always stayed in touch. Not just where you were concerned either. We shouldn't have kept that from you but when you were younger we just didn't want to send any mixed signals your way. But the truth is, Charlie was and continues to be my best friend. We just happened to get lucky and were able to bring a wonderful, brilliant, beautiful daughter into this world together."

"And Phil is okay with this?" I had to ask because that seemed almost too good to be true.

"That I am." He answered, sneaking up behind me. I jumped and they all laughed at me.

"Your mom has never hid her relationship with your dad. I've known from our first date that they were close, but I also trust both of them implicitly. I admire and respect the relationship that they have."

"This is unbelievable. I truly am one lucky girl. I have the best parents in the world and my mom is dating a saint." I laughed and they all joined in.

"Well about that Bells..." Phil started and I could tell he was nervous. He took my moms hand and she squeezed it.

"What's going on? You two aren't breaking up are you?"

"No sweetie. Phil and I...well, he asked me to marry him and I said yes." I could see the pure happiness radiating off of not only my mom and Phil, but my dad as well.

"When did this happen? How did he propose? When are you getting married?"

"One at a time baby girl." My dad laughed.

"He asked me right before you called and told me you were coming home. Now before you get upset, I didn't tell you because I wanted you to deal with what you needed to without the added information of me getting married. I was honestly a little worried about how you would react, but our talk this morning has made it clear that I once again underestimated you."

"I have to say, I wasn't very creative with my proposal. I asked her on the baseball diamond after a game." Phil told me as he blushed.

"Hell Phil, it was perfect for you and Renee." Charlie added while grinning.

"As for when...well we haven't decided yet. It will probably be after baseball season so we can actually have a honeymoon."

"Have you thought about where?" I asked, a plan forming in my mind.

"Not really, why? Do you have some ideas?"

"You should get married on New Year's Eve. And I have a few ideas for locations...you wouldn't even have to leave to go on your honeymoon."

"I'm listening."

"Hawaii. You can get married on the beach and you can have a luau for your reception. Were you planning on inviting many people?"

"No, just our small family and of course your new friends. All my living family is right in this room...well except Jake and he is probably still snoring away upstairs. Phil will be inviting his parents and sister, but that's it." My mom smiled.

"I think I like that idea Ren. I say we think on it and do some research."

And just like that, I unintentionally became my moms wedding consultant. The four of us spent the next hour looking at the scrapbook and talking about my plans for the day. Talking about my mom and dad's relationship and then my mom and Phil's upcoming wedding had really relaxed me. I was no longer a ball of nerves; at least for the moment.

The sun was barely breaking the horizon when I made my way back to my room. I quietly grabbed my clothes for the day and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. Jake had pestered me relentlessly about coming with me to Elizabeth's grave today, but this was something I needed to do alone. I was hoping I could sneak off before he woke up. I should have known better. I was tiptoeing out of the bathroom when Jake's voice scared the crap out of me.

"Trying to sneak off Bells?"

I just stared at him, not really wanting to answer the question. I knew he wanted to go but I also knew that this was something he couldn't do with me. He needed to grieve on his own as well.

"I'm sorry Jake, but I really need to do this alone. And I think you need to visit her by yourself as well."

"I know. You're right, I just want to make sure you're okay. Promise to keep your phone with you and to call me if you need me?"

"I can do that. Thanks for understanding."

"Hey, it's what I do best. Will you tell Elizabeth I'll come see her later today?"

"Of course." I assured him and gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'm going to head out now."

"Call me if you need me? And promise to call me or at least text me when you are finished?" He pleaded.

"I promise Jake."

"Are you still planning on visiting with Sarah and Jim afterwards?"

"I've made plans to meet with them around 2 this afternoon at their house. It's going to be really hard. I haven't been back to her house since the night before she died. But I need to face all of this." I had actively avoided thinking about going to Elizabeth's house this afternoon in fear that it would cause me to back out of my plans.

"Do you want to do that alone?"

"I think I need to Jake. I know you are going crazy with worry, but trust me. I know it's going to be hard but I also know what I need to do."

"i do trust you Bells. Doesn't mean I can't worry about you. Love you sweetie."

"Love you too Jakie Poo." I said and he cringed.

"How the hell you girls came up with that name will forever remain a mystery to me." He laughed while following me downstairs. Katie was still knocked out and we knew from previous experience that she would stay that way until later in the morning. A morning person she was not.

My mom, Phil, and dad were all standing around the kitchen bar surround Phil's laptop. I walked up to peek over their shoulders and was greeted with an awesome view of a black sand beach and amazingly blue water. They were actually taking my suggestion of Hawaii seriously.

"Planning a vacation?" Jake asked.

"Nope, a wedding." My mom answered while beaming.

"Well it's about damn time. Congratulations Mama Re. You too baseball Phil."

They both just shook their heads and laughed at Jake. They were completely used to him after all these years.

"Mom, can I borrow your car for the day?"

"Sure baby. Let me grab the keys." She was back in the room a few minutes later and handed me her keys.

"Thanks mom. I'm going to head out now. I have a few stops to make before...well you know."

"Here, you need to eat. And don't argue with your mother." She playfully scolded me while thrusting an apple in my hand. She then pulled me to her and wrapped her arms around me. "It will all be okay." She whispered.

Phil and my dad followed suit both whispering words of encouragement to me. I finally made it out of the house and to the car. I placed my messenger bag in the passenger seat and started the car. I loved my mom's new Audi. Phil bought it for her when he was promoted. I hooked up my iPod, selected random, and pulled out of the driveway.

Twenty minutes later I was parked at one of our favorite lookouts. I just took a moment to admire the view; to center myself. I really wanted to call Edward, but I didn't want to bother him this early; despite his pleas that I call him whenever I needed too. But that weird frequency thing must have been in full force this morning because just as I was getting ready to leave, I heard 'Uprising' coming from my bag. It was Edward.

"How did you know?" I asked with a smile in my voice.

"I just did. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Scared, nervous, anxious, prepared, happy, guilty...you name it and I have either felt or or am currently feeling it."

"You can do this. I know you can sweetheart."

"Thanks Edward. Just hearing the confidence in your voice really helps."

I went on to tell him about my early morning talk with my mom and dad as well as what followed that talk. He seemed really excited about the possibility of spending part of our winter vacation in Hawaii. I had a feeling that by the time I got back to my mom's this afternoon that Alice, Esme, and my mom would have already gotten to work on planning a wonderful destination wedding. Good think I put Skype on her computer before I moved. Edward and I talked for about 15 minutes before hanging up. Talking with him had really helped me calm down and it had given me the final push I needed to really do this.

My next stop was a florist. Luckily they were open early in the morning. I bought two arrangements...one with daisy's and one with lily's; Elizabeth's favorites. After paying for the flowers, I knew it was time. I made my way to the cemetery, parked the car, gathered the items I had brought with me, and started making my way to visit my best friend. Although I had only been to her grave three times, I felt like I had traveled the path thousands.

I walked slowly to where I knew her headstone marked the where she lay, just thinking about everything I wanted to say. The ground was still wet with morning dew, so I unfolded the blanket I had with me and laid it on the ground in front of her grave. I placed my bag on the blanket, careful not to crush the flowers I was holding and walked to her headstone. I gently knelt down beside it, not caring anymore that the ground was wet, and placed the flowers in front. It was so hard to comprehend that her life was summed in in so few words on a piece of marble.

_**Elizabeth Lynne Morris**_

_**January 13, 1990 - March 20, 2008**_

_**Beloved Daughter & Cherished Friend**_

_**Gone but not forgotten. Forever in our hearts.**_

"_**Keep Smiling"**_

I lightly traced the letters of her name as well as the date of her death. My cheeks were wet with my tears but I let them fall uninterrupted. I still couldn't bring myself to say anything so I just sat there and cried. I cried for the lose of her life, for the lose of her future, for the lose of my friend. I laid my head on the ground until I was able to gain control of the tears. Once I was somewhat composed, I pushed myself from the ground and made my way to the blanket that was spread out. I wasn't sure when I decided to speak but the words just flowed. This was a song that reminded me so much of the way I felt about Elizabeth. It wasn't the prettiest song ever sung, but it was from the heart.

_Come out moon_

_Come out wishing star_

_Come out_

_Come out_

_Wherever you are_

_I'm out here in the dark_

_All alone and wide awake_

_Come and find me_

_I'm empty and I'm cold _

_And my heart is about to break _

_Come and find me_

_I need you to come here and find me_

_Cause without you I'm totally lost_

_I've hung a wish on every star_

_It hasn't done much good so far _

_I can only dream of you_

_Wherever you are_

_I'll hear you laugh_

_I'll see you smile_

_I'll be with you just for a while_

_But when the morning comes_

_And the sun begins to rise_

_I'll lose you_

_Because it's just a dream_

_When I open up my eyes_

_I'll lose you_

_I use to believe in forever_

_But forever is to good to be true_

_I've hung a wish on every star_

_It hasn't done much good so far _

_I don't know what else to do_

_Except to try to dream of you_

_And wonder if you are dreaming to_

_Wherever you are_

_Wherever you are_

I just started talking. All the things I had been holding back just came rushing out. I'm sure I was rambling and not making much sense, but I just let the words continue to flow.

"Elizabeth, I miss you so much and I am so sorry for the terrible friend I have been. I can't believe I didn't take every opportunity to come visit you before I left. I was utterly and totally selfish. I wasted so much time locked away in my own head, that I didn't give a second thought to what Katie, Jake, and our families were going through. I only focused on myself. I refused to even see Katie and I used Jake to get me through the bad times. I wouldn't even talk to your mom and dad...nor Katie's parents. I hardly let my own parents in. What kind of friend and daughter does that make me? Yes I was hurting, but so were they."

"I refused help for so long; just trying to deal with everything on my own. I was too stubborn to see that I was beyond the point of bringing myself out of it. I stopped functioning. I was basically a zombie for months. I only did the things that I needed to do to keep myself alive, and at the time I honestly wondered if it was even worth it. I put everyone in such a terrible position. No one knew what to do to help me. My mom and dad were under constant stress. I mean, they had already dealt with months and months of James and then they had to deal with a nearly catatonic daughter. It wasn't just them though...all my family and friends had to deal with James and his harassment in the months proceeding...that night."

"I feel so terrible and guilty for only focusing on what I lost that night. I lost my best friend, I lost the Katie we grew up with, I lost my happy Jake. I lost my ability to play. I lost faith. I lost myself. How selfish was I for only thinking about myself? You...you lost EVERYTHING. Your parents lost their daughter. Katie lost the use of her legs and her best friend. Jake lost not only you, but he lost part of Katie as well. Our community lost a shining star."

"I allowed my feelings of guilt and responsibility swallow me whole. I let the darkness take me over. If it weren't for Jake, I don't know if I would have ever survived. I feel so bad for leaning on him so much. I feel like I took so much away from him after you died. He played so many roles in my life that I often wonder how he didn't lose who 'Jake' was during it all. He had to deal with not only losing you, and trying to be there for Katie, but he had to literally take care of me as well. Do you know he gave up his dream of going to Arizona State just so I would accept the scholarship that I was offered? He moved to Washington with me because he knew I needed to get away."

"That's something else I had a hard time dealing with. How could I accept a scholarship that, even in an indirect way, caused your death...caused Katie to be in a wheelchair? It took me months to even be able to play an instrument again. That was the darkest point for me. Not only had that bastard taken you away from me, and taken Katie's legs from her, but he also took my ability to do the one thing that I loved...play. It took a long time for me to be able to look at the scholarship as a positive. I decided to accept the scholarship and move to Washington for you. Your death will not be in vain. You were at that audition because of me. How could I give up something that you helped me get?"

"Things have gotten better over the last few months, but I still have a ways to go. I was finally able to admit that although I still feel responsible and guilty for what happened, that it wasn't my fault. I've also realized that moving past what happened doesn't mean that I'll forget you. I used to feel like if I put what James did to us behind me, that it would be belittling your life...your sacrifice. It finally took a theoretically slap in the face from Katie to really wake me up. She made me a wonderful scrapbook for my birthday and she reminded me of the wonderful times we all had together and how much you loved life. She also told me that if you were here, you would kick my ass because of the way I'd been dealing with things."

"She's right...you would. The best way to honor you is to live life to the fullest. I know you wouldn't want me to blame myself. You made that clear the night you were taken from us all. Even in your last moments, you were concerned for me. I've finally decided that instead of mourning your lose...I'm going to celebrate your life and the wonderful person that you were...still are. Because even if you aren't physically with me anymore; I can still feel you."

I paused for a moment to wipe the tears and snot from my face while pressing the charm bracelet she had given me so many years ago against my chest...right over my heart. It was intertwined with the one that I received for my birthday.

"Lizzy, you wouldn't believe the amazing group of people I've met since Jake and I moved to Washington. You would love them. They are all so different but together we make up quite a family; because that's what they are to me. I don't know what I did to deserve all the wonderful people that I've been blessed with in my life; but I am making every effort possible to never let them go and to always let them know what they mean to me."

I took the next hour to just tell her about everyone I had met in the past few months and the many crazy things we've already done.

"Can you believe that both Jake and I are finally in a relationship...and it isn't with each other." I laughed, because although we swore there was nothing between us; Elizabeth always thought we'd end up together one day. Not really because we were drawn to each other that way...but more because she had her doubts that we'd ever find significant others that could accept the unique relationship between the two of us.

"Edward and Angela are wonderful. Jake and I couldn't have asked for better. I'd even venture to say that our Jakie Poo is in love. Of course I can't even give him shit about it, because I'm pretty positive I am as well. But as happy as I am; I'll never be as happy as I could be. I miss you so much. Somedays it's still hard to function. I've gotten pretty good at hiding it on those days and am able to smile and laugh, but it's hard."

"I've thought long and hard about how to make a positive out of what happened that night. I want you to be remembered always; even by those that never had the pleasure of knowing you. I think I've finally come up with an idea for something that could accomplish that. It's going to take a lot of hard work and dedication; but I'm up for it. I just hope I can make it happen."

I then told her what my idea was. I hadn't shared this with anyone yet and I didn't plan on it until I had already started making progress.

"Oh and guess what? Phil and mom are finally getting married. That's another thing I feel guilty about. He's been waiting to propose until I got better. I'm so happy for them. I suggested a New Year's Eve wedding in Hawaii; and I think they are going to do it. Phil got promoted in August. He is now a trainer for the Diamondbacks. Things are really falling into place for everyone. I wish you were here to see it and be a part of it all. I really want to move past the guilt, but it's things like this that I fear will always pull me back to that place. I know it's just something I'm going to have to learn to deal with. I've also learned that I can't shut others out and I think that will really help when I want to shut down."

I was brought out of my ramblings by my cell phone buzzing. I looked down and was shocked to see that I had been sitting here for nearly 4 hours. I picked up my phone and saw I had a text message from Alice. I smiled when I read it. I truly had been blessed with the most amazing friends.

_We are all thinking about you. We love and miss you. _

_~The gang_

Thanks. I needed that. I love and miss you all too.

~Bella

I knew I needed to head home and rest a bit before meeting with Sarah and Jim. I hadn't even really had a chance to think about what I needed and wanted to say to them. There was one more thing I wanted to do before I left.

"I wanted to share the scrapbook that Katie made me with you. I plan on showing it to your parents as well. I think they'd like seeing it."

I flipped through each page and describe what was on it as well as the memories that accompanied it. It felt really good to share this. It made me feel unbelievable close to her Once I was finished with the scrapbook, I knew I needed to leave. But it was easier to say than to actually do. I took a deep breath and prepared to tell her goodbye.

"Elizabeth. I just want you to know that you mean the world to me. I feel so blessed that I was able to have your in my life; even if it was only for a short time. I think about you each and everyday and miss you immensely. My life became better the day I met you. You helped me to grow into the person that I am today. I will never be the same without you, but I can promise you that I will live my life like I know how you would have lived yours. I will keep smiling through the ups and downs. I will always let those that I love and care about know it. I will do my best to never go back to that dark place that I was once in. I will no longer let fear hold me back. I will love with my whole heart. I will seek out new challenges and never turn down the chance for an adventure. I will live a life that will make you proud of me. I am so sorry that you won't be here to experience these things with me, but I assure you; you will always be present in my heart. I love and miss you so much. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. I know it will be hard, but I will always remember to keep smiling. I love you."

A body shaking sob was ripped from my body as I finished. There was so much meaning behind these tears but by the time they were finished, I felt so much lighter; almost free. This was the most cathartic cry I had even had. It was more than a release of emotions; it was a cleansing cry. I was letting go of all those things I had held in for so long. I could feel much of the guilt that had been my constant companion since that night, drift away. The feelings of responsibility were nearly nonexistent. The anger I held for what happened was still there but it wasn't nearly as strong. I was stunned by the weight that had been lifted from me. But the most amazing thing...I felt an unexplainable warmth wrap around me; almost like a hug and I could hear Elizabeth telling to keep smiling. By the time my tears had finally stopped I knew that I would be okay.

**A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read. Please, please, please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I can't promise a quick update but what I can promise is that I will write something each day for this story. It may be as little as a sentence or as much as a whole chapter, but I will not be leaving this story unfinished. **

**Thank you to everyone who is sticking with me. Oh and if anyone has any advice on how to deal with a stubborn, strong willed 3 year old...I'm all ears.**

**Review review review!**


	40. Chapter 40: From the Ashes

**Wow...yes really. It took less than a month for me to get a new chapter out. And guess what? I've already started on chapter 41. Amazing isn't it. Especially considering that September for me is like April is for a tax accountant.**

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I can't tell you how excited I get when I get a review alert. **

**Special thanks to KitsuShel who rec'd this story on Facebook and Twitter. I got quite a few new followers so thanks a bunch!**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter 40: From the Ashes**

**BPOV**

I stood on the steps of the house that, for so many years, had been a second home to me. But today was completely different than the thousands of times I had previously darkened the doorway. I was not the same girl who would bounce up these steps with her pigtails trailing behind her and barge in without even knocking or the teenager that would attempt to sneak in with Elizabeth after curfew. No, today I felt as if I were a first time visitor trying to make a good impression. Hell, I was even gripping a bouquet of mixed flowers in one hand. I don't know what possessed me to buy flowers. I guess I was thinking they could be a peace offering...an apology of sorts. But who in their right mind would expect flowers to convey all the things I needed to say. Me...that's who. In my defense, stress and lack of sleep will make one do crazy things.

Sarah and Jim had to know that I was here. I sat in the car for fifteen minutes just trying to build up the courage to open the damn door. After leaving the cemetery, I made my way back to my mom's. Jake and Katie were long gone. Phil was at the baseball field and Renee was running errands. My dad had gone to Billy's with Jake to catch up, and I suspect, to also continue buttering Billy up to move back to Washington. I was glad for the quiet and solitude the house offered, even if I only had a brief time to relish in it. A quick shower and a change of clothes later and I was on my way. I still hadn't allowed myself much time to think about what I wanted to say to Elizabeth's parents. I sent a quick text to let Jake know that I was okay as well as one to Edward before jumping back in the car and driving towards Elizabeth's.

So here I stood in front of the door that was so familiar yet so foreign to me. I raised my hand to ring the door bell and froze. It felt as if my muscles had declared a lock down and nothing I could do would persuade them to unclench. My breathing started to come out in forced pants and I could feel my chest start to tighten. Not now...I didn't need a panic attack on top of everything else. I started taking deep breaths and slowly I started to relax. As soon as I felt I was able, I extended my hand and made contact with the doorbell. I knew if I hesitated for even a moment longer, I would not follow through. I never knew my fear of what awaited me on the other side of the door ran so deep. Sure I was nervous and scared...but I didn't realize that I was utterly terrified of facing her parents.

Within seconds the door was flung open and I was engulfed in solid warm arms and the sweet fragrance of peaches. I dropped the flowers and wrapped my arms around Sarah while hugging her back for everything I was worth, putting 18 months worth of hugs into that one gesture. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the wet spot under my cheek. Great...my tear ducts have seriously had a mind of their own during this trip. But Sarah didn't seem to noticed the baseball sized wet spot on her shirt at all. She just pulled me even closer and tightened her grip on me. We were pulled from our moment by a clearing of a throat.

"Sarah, mind if I have my turn?" Jim asked in an amused tone.

We all laughed as I stumbled towards him, of course tripping and nearly taking him out.

"It's good to see some things don't change." He stated while saving me from face planting at his feet. "I don't think you'll ever completely grow out of your clumsiness, but to tell you the truth, I'm quite happy about that. You wouldn't be our Bella if you didn't trip over air ever so often." And I could tell by his tone that he wasn't teasing me but was being honest.

I realized that I had been in their home for over ten minutes and had yet to speak a word. I finally found my voice...and my nerve.

"It is so good to see you both." I lamely stated. After over 18 months and this was the best I could come up with. I internally shook my head at myself. I had to do a lot better than that.

"Oh Bella, we can't tell you how excited we were when you called to tell us you were coming for a visit. It's been too long since we last saw you."

"I know and I feel I owe both you and Jim an apology." I admitted sadly.

"What for?" Jim asked curiosly.

"For quite a bit, but for starters for waiting until the last minute to let you know I was coming. My flight arrangements were made shortly after my birthday, but I waited to tell you out of fear."

"What were you afraid of?" He continued.

"I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was afraid of how you would react to me. I know we've seen each other since...that night, but to me I haven't really seen you since the night before it all happened. I wasn't myself during those few meetings we've had. I've spent so much time feeling responsible and guilty for that night. I also feel terribly guilty for trying to move on. I guess I was most afraid that you would feel that way about me as well." I never meant to jump right into the heart of things, but my mouth has always had a mind of it's own.

"Bella, you must know that we don't hold your responsible or place any blame on you for what happened. You were a victim just like Elizabeth and Katie were. We could never hold you responsible for what that vile excuse of a human did to you girls."

"How can you feel that way? Sarah, if not for me, Katie and Elizabeth would have never been at that church. They would have never come face to face with him that night."

"You can't honestly believe that, Bella. You know just as well as I do that both Katie and Elizabeth would have been there that night, even if they weren't playing at the audition. I'm still shocked to this day that you somehow managed to convince Jake to go home and not pace the sidewalk in front of the church until you were finished. You four were inseparable. I know without a doubt that they would have all been there that night, no matter what." Jim assured me.

This idea was nothing new to me but hearing it from Elizabeth's dad made me take more stock in it.

"I know you're right but I still can't help but think I hold some responsibility for the whole thing."

"I can see you're still as stubborn as ever. Bella, I want you to listen, and listen good to what I'm going to say. You are not at fault for what James did that night or the months that proceeded it. You were an innocent teenage girl who some sick pervert fixated on. You did nothing to draw his attention or give him reason to keep pursuing you. You and your family did everything possible and legal to keep him away from you. You can't help what he did. He would have eventually gotten to you; whether it was that night or another. Things could have turned out so much worse than they did."

"We could no more hold you responsible for what happened than we could Elizabeth, Katie, Mary, Joe, or ourselves."

"What do you mean?"

"Honey, Elizabeth and Katie wanted to be there with you and for you. Even if they weren't participating in the audition with you; you know they would have been there. Katie knew that church just as good if not better than her own home. Those girls would have been there regardless, hiding in the balconies if that was the only way they could have supported you. Mary nominated you for the scholarship and she and Joe offered up the church. Jim and myself encouraged you girls to perform as a trio. We pushed you so much when we found out about the audition. We all grew careless in keeping our eyes and ears open for James. So if you are going to blame yourself for what happened, then there is a long list of people that can share the blame."

"But sweetie, the fault for what happened rests solely with one person and one person only...James Cam." Jim stated pointedly. "You are just as much a victim of that night as Elizabeth and Katie were. And what makes it even worse for you is all the blame, guilty, and responsibility you've been carrying around with you since that night.. Let me ask you something. If the roles were reversed, would you want Katie or Elizabeth to take the blame or responsibility? If either of them had drawn the attention of James or someone like him, would you have blamed them for the actions and outcomes of anything that psychotic person did? Would you want them to carry around the burden like you have been doing?"

I can't tell you why, it seems like such a simple thing, but that scenario had never been presented to me in that way before and I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. I would never blame them or hold them responsible for what happened had it been one of the girls that was being stalked. Never in a million years would I have felt that way. They would have had no control over what another person did.

"Wow. I've never thought about it that way before. But you have to know that I would NEVER blame them for something like that. It would in no way be their fault."

"Then why do you feel the need to do it to yourself?" Jim asked.

Once again his question made me stop and think...really think about my answer. Why did I feel like I couldn't let the blame and responsibility go? I know what I used to feel and still do to some extent, but lately it doesn't seem like such a good reason anymore. Carrying around those feelings because it's what I do no longer fit. It no longer made sense.

"I...I, I feel that if I let go of it that it will somehow diminish what Katie and Elizabeth went through. That Elizabeth's death would be for nothing...somehow insignificant. I know that doesn't really make much sense but I just don't feel right about moving on with my life when Elizabeth lost hers. I guess it's one way that the survivors guilt is manifesting itself. That this is my penitence for getting them involved. Sometimes it feels like it's the only thing I have left to hold on to. That if I let it go...I let, I let her go." I stammered out through the tears that had begun to fall.

"Sweetheart, how have you survived carrying all that on you?" Sarah asked as she wiped her own eyes.

"I almost didn't, but I woke up in time and realized what I was doing to my family. Plus Jake wouldn't allow it." I chuckled with a watery smile. "It got pretty scary at one point and as much as I don't like to think about it, I hate to think what would have happened had Jake not been so determined to save me." I was amazed at how calm they both seemed toward the situation. It was then that my 'foot in mouth' disease decided to kick in.

"How is it that you are both so calm and collected about all of this? I mean, he killed her for no reason whatsoever. He lied about everything and then you ask the judge for life instead of death. How were you able to do that? How can you not blame me when it should have been me, not her. It should have been me. She shouldn't have died in my place. Sometimes I wish so badly that I was laying in her grave. I have even thought about joining her at times." In that moment I had voiced the one thing I had always thought but had only expressed to Jake; it should have been me not Elizabeth and since it wasn't me, that I should be beside her.

From the horrified gasps that filled the room, I could tell that was the wrong thing to say. But I didn't know if what caused it. Was it my accusation of them being too calm and collected? Were they thinking I thought they took Elizabeth's death too lightly? Did they think I blamed them for James's sentence? Or was it the fact that I had voiced that I should have been killed and had at times wished for my own death.

"How long have you felt this way Bella?" Jim asked and I couldn't tell if he was angry or upset. But a quick glance at him and I could tell he was horrified and upset at my revelation. His normally composed face was now a mask of pain and tears.

"A while."

"Oh sweetie. I wished you would have talked to us sooner. You have been drowning in all these feelings for way too long and unnecessarily so. We knew you were having a hard time but no one could really tell us why. I guess we all just assumed it was how you were grieving for Elizabeth and dealing with what happened. We never in a million years would have thought it went much much deeper than that. We should have never stopped trying to see you. We could have avoided so much." Sarah said, but she seemed to be talking to herself more so than to me.

"I want to say this one more time and please believe me. This was in no way, shape, or form your fault. You are not to blame for what that sick bastard did to you, Katie, or Elizabeth. You had no way of controlling or preventing what happened. You have suffered just as much and probably more than any of us who have had to deal with the aftermath. You need to let go of this guilt, stop blaming yourself for things that were out of your control, and lastly you need to know that no one thinks or holds you in anyway responsible for that night. It was a great tragedy, one that should have never happened. But it did and we are all left to pick up the pieces. Bella, you can't let this take over your life. And please don't ever wish your life away. It is a precious gift. I know you are getting better, but I can still see how heavily it weighs on you. It wasn't your fault. I know you say you know that, but do you really?" Jim questioned but they continued before I could answer.

"To answer the questions you asked...well it isn't easy to be calm and collected about all of this. If you want the God's honest truth, we struggle every minute of everyday. We just make a conscious effort to be stronger when we are around others, especially you, Katie, and Jake. Both Jim and I know that you tend to take responsibility for things; even when they aren't yours to take. So we knew this would be no different. We just didn't want to give you any reason to feel worse."

"As far as asking the judge to take the death penalty off the table, well that wasn't easy at all. It was only through several hours of discussion and even more hours of counseling that we came to that decision. The biggest reason was that Elizabeth was always against the death penalty. She would never want us to be the cause of another person's death, even indirectly. Even when dealing with the person who was responsible for her own. She was always such a caring and compassionate person and we knew that she would disagree with the decision of death."

"Another reason we chose to ask for life without parol; and this is really hard for us to admit. But we felt that death, for him, was the easy way out. Why should he get the easy way out by lethal injection when our daughter had to suffer in her last minutes. Why should he get a pain free death when Elizabeth's was anything but. He'll have to sit in prison everyday until he dies being told what he can do, when he can do it, where he can do it, and how he can do it. He'll be living but he won't have any semblance of a life. He has years ahead of him to just sit and think about all the terrible stuff he's done in his life. He has to live with the reality that there is no hope that he'll ever see the outside of walls, bars, and fences every again. He will no longer be able to make decisions for himself. They will all be made for him. He will no longer have control and for someone like him, that is worse than death." Sarah stated.

"And as for blaming you. I think we've covered that topic pretty thoroughly. But just to reiterate so it will hopefully sink in...we DO NOT blame you for any of it. It has never once crossed either of our minds to blame your or hold you responsible. We know you would trade places with Katie or Elizabeth in a heart beat if given the chance. You have always been such a loyal and caring friend. We know that this has been terribly difficult for you. But please let go of the feelings of guilt, blame, and responsibility. Elizabeth would be kicking your butt if she were here." Jim stated and I had to agree with him. She so would be kicking my butt.

Sarah stood up from her chair and came to sit beside me. She took my hands in hers and called my name so she knew I was paying attention.

"Bella. I want to address the last thing you said. As much as we miss Elizabeth and would give anything to have her back...we don't wish it were you in her grave. I know this sounds so cliche but things really do happen for a reason, even if we don't know the reason. There was a reason that Elizabeth was taken from us, that Katie lost the use of her legs, and you survived. It has yet to be revealed to us what those reasons are, but we just have to have faith that in time, we will all know. The pain and hurt of Elizabeth's death will never go away. We will always mourn for our daughter, but we can choose how we will live and how we deal with it."

"We don't want to live the rest of our lives in sadness and darkness. Elizabeth was much to special for us to do that. She had a happy life. One full of love, family, and friends. She lived her life to the fullest. She'd want us to do the same. Some days it's hard to get out of bed, much less be excited to face a new day but we keep Elizabeth's motto fresh in our minds. 'Keep Smiling' has gotten us through so many dark times. She is our sunshine through the darkest times."

"You were the closest thing to a sister she ever had Bella, and I know she would not want you to live the way you have since that night. It's easy to see that you are getting better. Moving to Washington has done wonders for you, but you still have things you need to work out. We are here for you no matter what. We want to see you move on with your life. Have fun. Act your age for once." Sarah chuckled.

I was a blubbering mess by this point. They had squashed every one of my fears that I had amassed before my visit with them. They honestly had no ill feelings towards me. They didn't hold me responsible nor did they blame me for their only child's death. They were genuinely concerned for me and my well being. They still cared about me and loved me. I felt even more weight lift from my shoulders at this realization. I sat with my head on Sarah's shoulder while Jim sat beside me holding my hand. All three of us were crying, but not one of us made any attempt to stop or wipe away our tears. This was yet another cathartic cleansing cry. I've come to be thankful for those.

Once the tears stopped flowing Sarah and Jim were both anxious to hear about my move and how things were going.

"So spill Bells. We are both so excited to hear what it's like living in Seattle and attending college." Sarah asked as Jim returned from the kitchen with iced teas for everyone.

I was a little hesitant to go into details, knowing that Elizabeth had planned to attend the same University. I didn't want to remind them yet again at what had been lost. However, Dr. Leslie's words from yesterday pounded through my head. I wanted to do anything that I could to help them grieve and heal. So I decided that honesty would be best.

"It's been wonderful. You know Jake and I decided to drive to Seattle and I tell you, that was an adventure."

"Things with Jake typically are." Jim cut in, making us all chuckle.

"I can't tell you how lucky we've both been since we arrived. My roommate is amazing. Her name is Alice and she is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I think Elizabeth would have loved her. We share a suite with two other girls; Rosalie and Angela. They have been pretty amazing as well. They all know what happened and have been extremely supportive."

I told them all about the girls and how close we had all become. I felt guilty talking about them. I didn't want them to think that I had forgotten Elizabeth. Despite how close I was to Alice as well as Rose and Ang; no one would ever take Elizabeth's place.

"Bella, they sound like wonderful people. I'm so happy you've made such good friends."

"I've really been blessed. I feel like I have a family there. We are all so much closer than just friends. During the first few weeks there I was able to tell them all about what happened. I still have nightmares sometimes. I just happened to have one one night when we were having a sleepover. They were all there for me. Even Em and Jake stayed. Rose made a big bed on the living room floor and we all slept in there together. They didn't want me by myself and wanted me to know they were there for me."

"That's incredible Bells. Who's Em?"

"Oh...Emmett. That's Angela's cousin and Rosalie's boyfriend. He's like the big brother I never had. He and Jake are roommates. Jake's first roommate was horrid and Em didn't get along with his, so they ended up petitioning the housing department to move in together. Let's just say things are never dull around those two. They are both jokesters, very loyal and protective, but such softies at the same time. Charlie immediately liked him. The first time they met was hilarious." I laughed as I told them about our weekend trip to Forks.

"Emmett's also taking drum lessons with me. I'm taking lessons from another music major. I'm loving it and it is something that Em and I bond over."

I went on to tell them how Felix and I met. They thought it was hilarious.

"Oh Bella, that sounds just like you. Lizzy would have loved that story." And for the first time in a long time, hearing her name in the past tense didn't hurt as much.

"Sounds like you have surrounded yourself with an amazing group of people."

"Well I think so but I haven't told you about Jasper or Edward yet." I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face at the mention of Edward.

"Oh Jim, look at that blush. I think we need to hear about this Edward last. There's definitely more to that story." Sarah laughed while I gave them both the stink eye and continued on.

"Jasper is Alice's boyfriend as well as Edward's roommate. And just to get this out of the way. Edward is also Alice's brother. Jasper is unlike anyone I've ever met. He can read people so well but he also can calm down any situation. He's pretty quiet but extremely fun and always offers insight to any situation...if asked. He and Alice are complete opposites but absolutely perfect for one another."

"So four of the eight of your group are paired up?" Jim asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well...actually all eight of us are paired up. Jake and Angela are dating. They are so sweet together. She completely accepts the relationship that Jake and I have and encourages it. She says it makes her even more drawn to him. She's the first girl that hasn't been intimidated by me where Jake is concerned. You'll have to ask Jake about her tomorrow. And yes...Edward is someone very special to me. It took us a bit to figure things out but we've been together since just after my birthday. But we met before classes even began."

Sarah was interested in learning how we met so I told her as much of the story as I was comfortable with. I left out the details of Edward's past but did tell her that he had gone through a hard time last year and that it was something we were able to relate to with each other. I couldn't believe how interested they were in all the little details. They seemed especially in awe of Carlisle and Esme after I told them that they adopted both Alice and Edward. It was then that I learned that they had thought about becoming foster parents and maybe even one day adopt. It was heartwarming and gut wrenching at the same time to hear that. But if anyone could provide a wonderful home for a child...it was Jim and Sarah.

"How are your studies going?"

"I've actually enjoyed them quite a bit. I don't feel that any of my classes so far are a waste of time. Some are more interesting than others but they all have a purpose. I spend a lot of time in the music building, but that's pretty much a given. I've grown really close to my mentor and advisor; Dr. Smithwick. She's the one that helped me out so much with keeping my scholarship. She actually is the department chair now and has been a wonderful help to me. She's giving me private lessons as well." I went on to tell them a bit about her background and how much she has helped me.

"I have to play an original composition at the a winter festival concert in December. I'm really nervous about it. Composition isn't my strongest area."

"You'll do fine honey. You always have doubted your ability in that area but you always produce such amazing pieces."

"Edward and I are working on one together, just for fun. I don't think I'll be able to play that but Dr. Smithwick seems interested in maybe letting us perform it as a featured piece that night...in addition to my solo composition."

Sarah started to speak but stopped, seeming to think about her next words.

"Sweetie...have you been able to play Clair de Lune yet?"

"I have. I did the first day I moved in. It felt amazing to be able to play it again." I smiled thinking about that day. It was also the first time I'd laid eyes on Edward. That day would always be a major milestone in my life.

"Would you play for us?" Jim asked sounding hopeful, glancing at the music room. "It hasn't been played since the last time you were here, but we keep it tuned and dusted."

I couldn't deny their request so I swallowed all the emotions I was feeling and followed them into the music room. Elizabeth's harp was still sitting beside the piano like it was waiting for us to put it to use. I hesitated in my steps towards the baby grand; feeling as if I were doing something that was inappropriate.

"It's okay Bella. This room used to be a source of sorrow for us but as time has passed; we've come to love this room. It holds so many happy memories of not only Elizabeth but of you, Katie, and Jake as well. I still laugh every time I think about you girls trying to teach him to play. I will never look at a cowbell the same way ever again. This was a fun room for so many years. Being able to hear you play in here again is something we feared would never happen. We don't want to pressure you but honestly, it isn't painful for us to be in here."

How could I not oblige them?

"Any requests?" I asked. I played for thirty minutes or so for them before my phone rang. It was Edward. I kept the conversation short but assured him I'd call him back later. Sarah and Jim had left the room to give me privacy. After hanging up with Edward I tracked them down and told them there was something I wanted to share with them.

"Katie really gave me a kick in the butt over my birthday. She's never been patient and I guess she just got tired of me doing what I was doing. This is what she gave me for my birthday.

I sat between them on the couch and placed the scrapbook on my lap.

"She put so much time, effort, and love into this and I just want to share it with you. I apologize in advance if this upsets you, but I hope you will enjoy it as much as I have. "

I heard Sarah's breath catch as I opened up the album.

"Oh my...this is wonderful."

We laughed, cried, laughed some more, and told stories about each picture and memento we came across. I was really hesitant to turn to the page that was dedicated to Elizabeth but I knew they would want to see it. It was an emotional moment but it wasn't filled with the sadness that I thought it would be. Her parent's really had dealt with her death. It wasn't that it was easy for them...quite the opposite but they had grieved in a healthy way that allowed them to think about her with happiness and not focus on how her life was ripped from her.

"I think you'll enjoy this last page." I said through my tears as I flipped the page. And they both laughed and the many pictures of us girls piled on Jake.

"Katie also sent a letter with the album and she put a lot of things in perspective for me. Things that I hadn't wanted to acknowledge before. Her letter was the catalyst for this trip back. I knew there were things I needed to confront but I never realized how much those things were holding me back. I visited Elizabeth today and it was hard, but I was able to come to terms with quite a bit this morning. It's been a slow process but things are finally starting to fall in place and make sense."

I slowly pulled out the letter and offered it to Sarah.

"No Bella. That's private." She insisted but I was adamant that she read it.

"I want you to read this. She offered so much wisdom in this letter. I know you two have dealt with Elizabeth's death in a much more healthy fashion that I did in the beginning, but I just wanted to share with you what Katie thinks of Elizabeth. I've talked to Katie about it and she is okay with me sharing her words. I just want you to know that Elizabeth really did touch lives."

Sarah finally took the letter and read it before passing it to her husband. Even though the letter caused tears, I could see the pride that they both held for their daughter as the read Katie's words.

"She was truly an amazing person." I whispered.

"She was and she is greatly missed, but we were blessed with her for 18 years and for that we will forever be grateful." Jim voiced. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Sarah broke the spell.

"We are so proud of the steps you have taken. We are just sorry that we didn't make more of an effort to see you after things happened. But after the way you reacted to us that night in the hospital...well Bella, we just didn't want to make it more difficult on you. We didn't want our presence to cause more harm. It was the coward's way out but we just didn't know how to approach you or act. We can't tell you how sorry we are that we didn't push for more interaction. I feel like had we made more of an attempt that you wouldn't have carried around the blame for what happened for so long."

"Sarah, even if you had of; it wouldn't have made a difference. I've thought about this a lot and came to the conclusion that I wasn't ready to hear what other people had to say at the time. I wasn't willing to hear anything anyone said to me. I attended therapy sessions a few times after and the therapist stopped making appointments for me because as she told my mom, until I was ready to accept the help there was nothing she could do. I was content to hide myself away and suffocate under all the feelings I was feeling. It wasn't healthy at all."

"Yes I did start making progress before I moved, but I still wasn't accepting of the fact that I didn't carry some responsibility for what happened. As much as I wanted to move to Seattle, if it wasn't for Jake...I'd probably still be sitting in my room at my mom's house. I want you to understand something now. Nobody is to blame for the way I acted and handled things...nobody but myself. I wasn't ready to accept the help. It took me hitting rock bottom to even consider going to therapy and I probably still would have refused had Jake not threatened me." I said before I realized that the filter was broken. I hadn't meant to bring that up.

"Jake threatened you?" Jim sounded shocked.

"Yeah...he did." I thought long and hard about what I was getting ready to say, but again...they should know. I knew once I told them that I'd have to disclose it to my parents as well.

"Nobody really knows about this other than my therapist; both of them. Right before the trial...let's just say I shut down. Between Thanksgiving, Christmas, the trial, my inability to play, and the debacle of potentially losing my scholarship..let's just say I had some pretty dark thoughts."

I took a deep breath and then went on to explain what happened the night that Jake found me sitting in my bathroom floor with a razor blade. I could tell they were simultaneously horrified and relieved by their tears, gasps, and 'thank Gods' they were emitting. I told them about Jake confronting me and about our compromise.

"He still debates to this day whether he did the right thing and I beat myself up everyday about what I not only asked him to do...well not do, but what I put him through too. Sometimes I wonder if Jake has ever really grieved. He was so busy taking care of me that he neglected to take care of himself. I've talked to him as well as my friends and therapist about it and they have all assured me that Jake did what Jake needed to do. He felt helpless about not being able to help Elizabeth and Katie so he devoted his life to making sure I was okay. I owe him my life." I simply stated because it was the truest statement I had ever made.

"Jake really is a special person. I don't know that there will every be anyone else like him. You girls were and still are lucky to have him in your lives."

"I agree whole heartedly Jim."

"Bella, please promise us that you will never let it get to that point again. I don't know what we would have all done if things had of gone in the other direction. Losing Elizabeth has been...well there are no words. Watching Katie struggle hurts us just as much as her parents. We thought and still think of you two as our own. Not knowing what was going on with you was torturous...but sweetheart, if we had of lost you too. I don't know that we could have handled that on top of everything else. Jim and I love you so very much."

"I promise. I'll never let that happen again. I have a strong support system now. I know i had one then, but I wasn't willing to let anyone but Jake in. I know how many mistakes I made and I will do everything in my power to never act that way again. I want to live. I want to be happy, But more than anything I want to live a life that would make Elizabeth proud of me and I know that the only thing she'd ever ask of me is to be happy. And I'm grateful to say that I'm working on it. My life will never be what it was before. Without Elizabeth that's impossible, but I can create a new way of life. She may not be physically with me but I'll always carry her wherever I go." I vowed.

We visited for a while longer, just talking about college life as well as reminiscing. They wanted to take me out to dinner and I happily agreed. I was surprised to see Katie and Jake at the restaurant but was happy none the less. Jim and Sarah set this up as a surprise for me, knowing I'd need two of my best friends with me after my visit to Elizabeth and the afternoon spent with them. All through dinner we laughed about all the shenanigans that the four of us were always up to. I even let it slip about the real story of how Jake glued his hand to his ass and who was ultimately responsible...yeah, they thought it was hilarious. Of course that was after the fact.

"Elizabeth was the worst for pranks. She was sneaky, that one and that made her the most dangerous. She always had the last laugh." And we all had to agree with Jake.

"Well since this is confession time" Jim started, "I think it's only fair to let you all know that you kids weren't fooling anybody your junior year at the New Year's Eve party. We knew you had somehow managed to get your hands on some of the alcohol at the party. You were all pretty creative in your excuses the next morning though. But I promise you...eating bad shrimp does not cause the same symptoms as a hang over."

"Your parents and us had a good laugh at you four the next morning. I wish I had my camera when you all come rolling down the stairs after we spent ten minutes banging pots and pans together. It was priceless."

"I told you that would never work." Katie shouted. "I knew we couldn't pull it off. Bells, you are a terrible liar and your acting could use some working on." They all laughed.

"Yeah, well that night has nothing on Bella's birthday last month." Jake stated and then winced when I kicked him in the shine. He better be glad I didn't go for the baby makers like I really wanted to. I did NOT want to get into this with Elizabeth's parents. I didn't know how cool they would be about the whole thing. I could already feel my cheeks heating up.

"Oh, we already know. Renee told us all about it." Sarah laughed at the expression on my face.

"She didn't." I stammered out.

"Yes...she did. I tell you Bells, I've never seen a mother so happy to hear that her underaged daughter went out partying and got drunk. She was so excited that you were acting your age for once. She said even your dad didn't freak out...and with him being a cop, that says something."

I was speechless.

"You shouldn't stress too much sweetie. We all have some crazy stories from college."

"Yeah, I think I've heard enough about my mom streaking...is that a common thing because Edward's mom had a similar story. I just want to find out so I'll know if I need to add it to my list of 'to do's' before graduating."

I swear I saw Jim blush...something I'd never seen before.

"Oh this has got to be a good story for you to blush." Katie pointed out.

"Let's just say that my first glimpse of Jim was his white as snow backside running past the sorority house." Sarah beamed.

By this time I was nearly doubled over in laughter, begging them to tell me the story.

"You're not getting anything out of me but two words...Rush Week." And that was really all he would tell us. Sarah on the other hand was suddenly a chatty cathy.

"These days colleges tend to watch the events of rush week a little better but back then things could get a little crazy. I was at the sorority house meeting all the sisters. I already knew I was going to get an invitation at the end of the week because my mom and grandmother were in the same sorority so I was considered a legacy. Anyhow, there were about ten of us standing on the front lawn when we heard a loud commotion coming towards us. You can imagine our surprise when a group of guys came running past us wearing pink feather boa's, bunny slippers, and smiles. I guess our laughter caught their attention because the next thing I know, there is this guy running closer to us and he looks back and trips. Instead of crawling away, he stands up, dusted himself off, and then gave us a bow that was worthy of Mr. Darcy before wishing us a good day."

"Two weeks later I officially met Sarah at a mixer between her sorority and my fraternity. She didn't even recognize me until I bowed to her." Jim added with humor shining from his eyes.

"So as you can see, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Just remember to always be safe. But you deserve to live a little. Act your age for once."

"I guess I'll check with my friends and see if we can pencil in a time to go streaking across campus when I get back."

"You better watch yourself Bells. You know Emmett will do it and possibly Rose too." Jake laughed.

Now...that's an idea. Something I'd have to think about. Of course, I'd let Rose in on the secret...

It was still relatively early when we finished dinner but it had been a long and emotional day for me so I was going to make it an early night. Tomorrow was going to be another long day. I hugged Jim, Sarah, and Katie goodbye with promises of having breakfast together in the morning.

Jake wanted to stay with me, but I needed to do some thinking without any interruptions. My day had gone much better than I could have ever hoped for but I still needed to process the things I had heard and feelings that arose throughout the day. After reassuring Jake for the tenth time that I really was okay, he finally agreed to go home...grumbling the whole way out the door.

"You better call me if you need me. I don't care what time it is. Are you sure you don't want me to stay. I can even sleep on the couch downstairs if you want to be alone." He begged.

"Jake. I love you to pieces and can't believe that I deserve a friend like you, but this is something I really need to do. I promise I will call you if I need you. You know I don't have any problem at all calling you at 3 am." I smiled and he finally hopped off the porch and walked to the car.

"Night Bells. Love you."

"Love you too Jake. I'll see you at breakfast."

My mom, dad, and Phil were all sitting in the living room when I walked back in the house. Sitting on the coffee table was a tray of my favorite desserts along with hot chocolate. They wanted to talk and knew the best way to butter me up was to bribe me. Despite how tired I was, I didn't hesitate to sit with them. I loved having my parents together. I was lucky that there were no hard feelings between them and that my dad and Phil got along so well.

"I can already see where this is going. I call dibs on the tiramisu. And before I forget...brunch is now breakfast. Jake, Katie, and I need to make a side trip before we see Dr. Leslie. Hope you don't mind."

"That isn't a problem at all. We figured you three would want to go visit her together." My mom gave me a knowing smile.

We all picked out a dessert and settled in for a talk. I thought I would be too drained to discuss my afternoon but surprisingly I wanted to share it with them. I was definitely making progress.

"How are you baby girl?" My dad asked. I know I'm 20 years old but I still love it when he calls me that. Despite not being raised with my dad, I'll always be daddy's little girl.

"I'm actually really good. Today went much better than I ever thought it would. I'm really glad that I decided to come back; this trip was much needed."

"Did your visit with Sarah and Jim go well?"

"Yes. It's something I should have done a long time ago. Things may have been easier for me if I hadn't avoided them so much. But that's in the past and I've come to realize that things happen for a reason, even if we have yet to discover that reason. I'm pretty sure that even if Sarah and Jim had attempted to see me before now, I wouldn't have listened to anything they had to say. I mean really listen to them. I had to come to terms with things for myself before I could hear what they needed to say."

"i think you're right sweetheart. It was so hard to watch you spiral, but at the same time we all knew that no matter what we did or said; you wouldn't accept or believe any of it until you were ready. It was hard for us to sit back and essentially do nothing. We were just so thankful that you allowed Jake in. That's something I struggle with and feel guilty for all the time, but deep down I knew that he was what you needed."

"I know mom and I am really sorry for shutting you all out and making you worry. It was completely selfish of me. I was only thinking about myself. But before we go too deep into that rabbit hole, I just want you all to know how much I do love and appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for me. I won't ever take that for granted again. I promise we'll talk about this tomorrow with Dr. Leslie."

"Okay Bells." I knew they understood that I couldn't or wouldn't talk about it tonight so they let it go.

We finished our desserts and I told them about my day...not in detail but I hit the high points. Like being able to let go of some of the guilt. They were thrilled. We talked about how school was going for me, my group of friends, Edward, and the upcoming holidays. I was shocked when my mom said or did nothing to embarrass me when we were talking about Edward. My dad surprised me the most though.

"I know I'm the dad and I'm not supposed to say this, but I really like Edward. He seems like a really good kid. I know I can trust him with you and that he would do any and everything in his power to protect you and care for you. I was a bit worried at first that you two would just use each other for a crutch; bonding over your past issues. But I can tell that instead of wallowing together that you two have really helped each other move past it. You've made each other stronger."

"I understand where you're coming from. I was a worried about that too. But he really has helped me out and I think I've helped him too."

"You have. Esme and Carlisle have told me multiple times how much he has changed since he met you. They are so thankful that you've been able to help him trust again."

I could tell my mom and Phil were trying to keep their curiosity at bay. But I wouldn't dare tell them about Edward's past. It wasn't my place and despite that my dad had shared my past with Carlisle and Esme, I knew he wouldn't say anything about the little he did know about Edward's.

"Mom, Phil. I can tell you are lost but I can't and won't tell you what happened with Edward. It isn't my place. But what I will tell you is that he was in a relationship last year and the girl was less than truthful with him and wasn't who he thought she was. She caused not only Edward, but his whole family a lot of pain an turmoil. She nearly destroyed Edward. It caused him to shut everyone out and not trust anyone. It's the reason why it took us so long to figure out our connections to one another."

"We respect that baby. I would never want you to break Edward's trust. I'm glad that you two have been able to be there for one another. I can't even begin to express how thankful we all are for not only Edward but all of your new friends."

We fell into a comfortable silence but that was quickly broken when Renee let out a very Alice like squeal.

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe I forgot to tell you."

"Calm down mom. You're scaring me." I laughed.

"Oh hush. We have news to tell you. It doesn't look like we are going to be able to spend Thanksgiving with you in Forks."

I was saddened by this but before I could dwell on it my mom continued.

"But we are going to come up for Christmas. All of us. We are going to bring Katie with us too."

"That's awesome mom. Have you already talked to her parents?" I was ecstatic.

"Yep. We talked to them while you were at dinner with Sarah and Jim. They were going to tell her tonight."

"Not that I'm not thrilled, but why Christmas instead of Thanksgiving?"

"Well we figured that it would make more sense. This way we can spend Christmas together and then just all fly out of Sea-Tac together. If we came for Thanksgiving, it would be more difficult to come for Christmas too."

I was confused.

"Fly our of Sea-Tac? Who and where to?"

"The entire gang and to Hawaii of course." She said as if we were discussing the grocery list.

"Hawaii? You two actually took me seriously?"

"Absolutely. I think it's a wonderful idea. Phil and I spent quite a bit of time today looking at places and working out the details. I also spent about two hours on Skype with Esme and Alice. They are thrilled. The only thing you kids might not like too much is that this trip is going to be most of your Christmas presents."

"Are you for real? You mean we are really going to go to Hawaii?"

"You bet kiddo." Phil beamed. He was really excited.

"You've got it kidding me! Really...all of my friends are going to be able to come? You are really going to get married in Hawaii?"

"That's the plan baby. Esme was really excited about it. Alice said that you were her new hero since you made the suggestion in the first place. Emmett and Angela are going to talk to their parents but Phil and I talked and if they can't work out the money, we're going to help them out. We offered to do the same with the Cullen's but they immediately told me to hush it. Apparently they have been trying to figure out a family trip and according to them, this works out perfectly."

I was thrilled but was worried about Billy and Jake.

"Are Billy and Jake going to be able to go?"

"You know we wouldn't leave them behind. Phil and I will be taking care of them."

"You know both Billy and Jake will fight you tooth and nail."

"They will, but I'll win." My mom smirked. "And as far as Katie is concerned. Well her whole family is going to go. They think the trip will be good for Katie. And don't give me that look. She may be in a wheel chair but there are a lot of things she can do. Don't worry about her baby. She'll be fine."

"I know mom. So tell me, have you found a place you want to get married?"

"We've found a few places. We plan on narrowing down our choices next week and hopefully will be able to book the chosen location by next weekend. Right now we are trying to decide if we want to rent a house with a private beach or stay at a resort. There are pros and cons to each. We just need to figure out which option would work best for us. We are leaning towards the resort. That way we don't have to worry about finding a wedding coordinator or hunting down a house that will fit everyone."

"Wow...my mom is actually being organized. What did you do to her Phil?" My stunned face and question caused everyone to laugh.

"I still want your help sweetie. My maid of honor must be involved." She beamed.

"I'm so excited. I can't believe this. This is just so awesome." I couldn't hold back a very Alice like squeal. That seemed to be happening more frequently these days.

My mom spent the next 30 minutes talking about everything from dresses to the honeymoon. They were going to rent a private house for their honeymoon and planned on staying an additional two weeks.

"It's getting late sweetheart and I'm pretty sure Alice is bouncing off the walls to talk to you. I'm surprised she hasn't called you yet."

"Oh...I forgot. I turned my phone on silent earlier tonight." I pulled out my phone and laughed. "Well she isn't very patient. I have 27 text messages, 15 missed calls, and 10 voice mails. I think I'll go upstairs and call her back. I wouldn't be surprised if she was booking her flight to come find me as we speak."

I hugged and kissed them all good night before making my way to my room. I hadn't even closed my bedroom door when my phone started ringing. I didn't even have to look at the caller ID.

"Hey Alice."

"Isabella Marie Swan! Why haven't you answered your phone. I've been calling and texting you all day." She screeched.

"Alice, lay off. You knew she had a busy day today." I could hear Edward chide her in the background. I knew I was on speaker phone.

"Shut it Edward. I wasn't talking to you." She huffed. I couldn't resist giving her a hard time.

"Mary Alice Cullen! If you want me to talk to you, you best lay off my boyfriend." I could hear the cackles of all my friends then.

"Well she certainly knows how to put Alice in her place." I heard a male voice, that I was almost certain was Carlisle, ring in.

"Okay okay. I give. Sorry Edward. Now Bella, we have to talk. Hawaii! You are seriously my hero right now. We have so much to do. I can't wait to go shopping for Hawaii attire. You know living in Alaska and then in rainy Seattle hasn't allowed us much need for tropical wear. I can't wait until you get back so I can give you a great big kiss." She rushed out in one breath.

"Hey now...no one kisses my girlfriend but me."

"Oh come on Edward. That would be hot!" Yeah that wasn't going to earn him a smack on the back of the head. Rose didn't disappoint.

"I got him for you Bella."

"Thanks Rose. So is everyone up for Hawaii after Christmas?"

"Hell yeah we are. I can't wait to try to surf. I know Jake will try it with me. Think we can go to a luau? Wonder if they make grass skirts and coconut bras in my size." Emmett was rambling.

"Can somebody stick something in his mouth to shut him up?" I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee on myself. The visual that Em was creating was too much. I could hear everyone on the other end suffering from the same problem I was. I think Em was too excited to react, because he didn't even respond to what I asked. And let's be honest, I gave him a pretty massive opportunity.

"There are a lot of things to work out between now and then, but I'm positive we are all going to go and have a wonderful time." Esme spoke up. "Bella your mom is so excited about all of this. She kept going on and on about how much she loved the idea you came up with."

"To tell you the truth I was joking around with her, but I should have known that my mom would have taken the idea and ran with it. I hope she doesn't drive you and Alice crazy between now and then."

"Pfft. Like that could happen. I love to do this sort of thing."

We talked about the upcoming wedding and travel for a bit before Edward had had enough.

"Okay. I think it's time for everyone to say good night. It's my turn to talk to Bella."

"You're no fun." Alice pouted.

"I'll call you tomorrow. I promise, but I do want to talk to Edward before I go to sleep."

"Okay, well sleep tight. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Night guys."

I hung up and waited for Edward to call me back. I had just barely hit the end button when my phone started ringing.

"Anxious much?" I asked while laughing.

"You have no idea. It has been quite an eventful day around here and I feel like I haven't gotten to talk to you much."

"I know the feeling. I miss you."

"I miss you too. I can't wait to see you tomorrow night."

"I know, but I won't be getting in until late. I doubt we'll get to see each other."

"We'll see. Maybe we can work something out. So how did your day go?" He asked quickly and I could tell he was purposefully changing the subject but I let it go.

"It went much better than I could have ever hoped for. This trip has helped me more than I ever thought it would. I've had quite a few epiphanies since I've been here and I can't wait to share them with you, but I want to do that in person and not over the phone. Plus I don't think I could get into them now anyway. I'm pretty exhausted and I have yet another long day ahead of me tomorrow." I sighed. As anxious and ready as I was for the joint session, I was also dreading it. I knew I was going to have to reveal some things that were going to hurt those that I loved.

"I know, but you are almost finished with it. Just think of the end result. No matter what happens, this is a great step in your recovery. I wish I could have been as strong as you are."

"Edward, you are one of the strongest people I know." I stated emphatically.

"You're amazing. Do you know that? I want you to know that your trip back to Phoenix has caused me to do a lot of thinking and there are things that I need to do as well. I'll never move past what happened if I don't face all the demons that I left behind. But like you, I want to talk to you about this in person. I'm going to need your support in order to do what I have to do."

"You've got it. I'll do whatever I can and will be there for you in whatever capacity that you need." I promised.

"Thank you Bella. I...I...I really miss you." He was finally able to articulate, but I had a feeling he didn't say what he wanted to say.

"I really miss you too. Maybe you could come stay with me tomorrow night. I know it will be late, but we can crash in the living room of my suite. I'm sure the others won't care." I asked before I had time to really think about it.

"I'd love to Bella. So, what are your plans for tomorrow.?"

We spent the next twenty minutes talking about what tomorrow would bring. He told me a little about what his day was like. Esme and Alice had been practically bouncing off the walls since talking to Renee. Everyone was truly excited about the upcoming trip. Even though they had only met my mom and Phil once, they seemed truly happy about their wedding. I was just glad that my mom and Phil wanted to include my new friends. I knew deep down that this was also a way of saying thank you to them all for everything they had done for me.

"As much as I don't want to hang up, I really need to get some sleep. I have to be up early for breakfast in the morning."

"No worries beautiful. I hope you have sweet dreams. I can't wait until tomorrow night."

"You're too sweet, you know that?"

"I try." He laughed.

"I'll call you tomorrow sometime. It may not be until I get to the airport but I promise to call you before we take off."

"Don't stress over it babe. I know tomorrow is going to be a tough day. Even if you don't call, just know I'll be thinking about you."

"Sweet dreams. I'll talk to you tomorrow Edward."

"You too Bella."

Hanging up was tough to do. I knew we needed to have a talk once I got back to Seattle. I wasn't going to be able to bit my tongue much longer where my feelings for Edward were concerned. And if this trip has taught me anything it's to not take things for granted. I can't let my fears and worries dictate my life. I wasted so much time being afraid and life is too short to allow that to happen. Seems that even though the purpose of this trip was to confront what happened here, my mind was also working through issues that I thought I'd left in Seattle. I wasn't upset about that either. Things were slowly falling into place for me.

After getting ready for bed and throwing my pajamas on, I grabbed my iPod and selected the playlist that Edward created for me. It didn't take me long to fall asleep and to fall into dreams. I'm pretty sure I laughed in my sleep the entire night. Visions of Emmett in a coconut bra and grass skirt while attempting to hula plagued me all night long. I also dreamed of watching Edward surf. That was a very good dream. I woke up excited despite the events of the day.

By ten o'clock all eleven of us were crowded around a large table at the best breakfast place in Phoenix. They were famous for the Sunday brunch and I couldn't wait to stuff myself. Luckily they had buffet so I didn't have to agonize over the menu choices. It didn't escape anyone's attention that this was the first time, outside of court, that we had all been together since the night all of our lives changed.

The tension that had been building within me was broken when my phone chimed; quickly followed by Jakes. Emmett had sent us a text message with a picture. It seems Esme was having fun making breakfast. I swear her spread could almost rival what we were currently enjoying...almost.

"I'll be right back." Jake said as he stood up and walked to the buffet. He was back within minutes, responding to Emmett's text.

His response was quick...I laughed at the childish pouty face of Em and his text of 'no fair.'

"I think we need to bring Emmett here one day." I told Jake.

"Without a doubt. Of course between our group...they might just kick us out. They would definitely be losing profit on us."

"Have you kids actually talked about visiting us here?" My mom asked.

"We mentioned to them about maybe coming down sometime over the summer. Maybe renting a cabin on the lake."

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Phil told us.

Everyone made small talk throughout breakfast; avoiding the elephant in the room. But everyone seemed content to just leave it alone for the time being. I'm pretty sure everyone was just as nervous about our afternoon session as I was. Once we were all finished and the parents fought over the bill; Jake, Katie, and I left with the assurance that we would be back in plenty of time for our appointment with Dr. Leslie.

It took us twenty minutes to get to the cemetery and I took that time to call Edward. He and the gang were planning to leave Forks a little bit after lunch to make the trip back to Seattle. He assured me that no matter what time we got in tonight, that he would be waiting for me. He also told me he had a surprise for me. I was intrigued and excited to find out what it was, but he wouldn't budge. I even threatened to pry it out of Alice but he had covered his bases well.

"_Yeah, not happening. I threatened to hid her new pair of boots and steal her credit card if she even made a peep about it."_

"That's harsh Edward."

"_I know. But it's the only way I can get her to keep quiet. She knows I only threaten her belongings and especially her credit card when I'm serious."_

We said our goodbyes as Jake was parking the car. I grabbed my messenger bag and a blanket before jumping out to help Katie get situated. The walk to her grave today was much easier than the one I had taken yesterday. I knew Jake had visited yesterday as well, but we hadn't had the chance to talk about either of our respective visits. We would get to that eventually.

We spent the next hour just talking and sharing stories of things that had happened since that night. Although Katie knew what happened the weekend of my birthday, Jake felt the need to rehash it, stating that Elizabeth needed to laugh along with us. We also spent some time going through the scrapbook together. Once again, laughing at the memories that it brought forth. Before leaving we took a few minutes to sit in quite contemplation as a group and then we each took a few moments to say goodbye in private.

"I'll be back to see you. I promise I won't stay away this long again. I'll need your strength to get through the rest of the day but I know I'm on the road to healing from what happened. It took me a while and I've really had to take a good look at myself over the past few months. But I promise that I will make you proud of me. I love you and miss you so very much." With that, I turned to walk back to join my friends.

It was a quiet ride back to my house, but it wasn't uncomfortable. We were all thinking of our visit as well as our upcoming session. I knew that there were going to be things revealed that were going to shock my parents and I could only hope they wouldn't see me in a different light after I disclosed certain events. It won't be easy for them to hear just how far I had spiraled.

The pizza delivery guy pulled up right behind us. Renee was 'cooking' for everyone for lunch. I laughed at my mother. She really does try. I couldn't help but laugh at the poor pizza guy when I saw just how much food my mom had ordered. It took two trips to get everything in the house...and that was with me helping.

"Mom, you do realize we had a huge breakfast just a few hours ago, right?"

"Oh shut it." She laughed. "I figured at least Jake would be hungry. Plus I wasn't sure how long things would go today and I wanted to make sure that you, your dad, and Jake had the opportunity to eat before you had to get on a plane. I just figured all leftovers could be eaten for supper."

She had a point.

"Thanks mom."

Throughout the course of lunch I received several text messages from my friends. Esme and Carlisle even sent a few. They each told me how much they missed me and wished me luck with the upcoming session. I felt so loved and supported. I couldn't believe that I had turned my back on the support system I had while in Phoenix. Looking back, things could have gone so much better had I just leaned on my loved ones a little more. But you know what they say about hindsight.

I was helping my mom clean up the kitchen when my phone rang. I was shocked when I saw the caller ID. 'Dr. Kym'

"Hello?"

"_Hi Bella. This is Dr. Kym. I'm sorry to bother you but I needed to discuss something with you."_

"It's no problem Dr. Kym. I was just helping my mom clean up before meeting with Dr. Leslie."

"_Well that's why I'm calling. You know that she and I have been keeping each other informed of your progress. I was talking with her last night and wanted to see how you felt about me listening in on your session today; given that everyone in attendance also agrees. I think this is something that would be helpful in your treatment when you return to Seattle."_

"I think that's a great idea. I'm sure you'll get more out of it that way instead of just reading notes."

"_Wonderful. Dr. Leslie will bring it up to everyone when she gets there. If they all agree, then she'll call me. We were hoping to use Skype but if that isn't available we can make due with a cell phone put on speaker."_

"We have Skype here. So that won't be an issue. Thanks so much for taking so an active role in this."

"_It's what I do dear. I want to see you succeed just as much as you do."_

I had really been fortunate in the therapist department. After saying our goodbyes, I informed those that were at the house what was going on. The only ones not already there were Katie and Elizabeth's parents.

I decided to spend the time before Dr. Leslie arrived by myself. Jake and Katie were hanging out in the family room catching up. It made my heart ache that we weren't all together anymore. None of us deserved what happened that night, but unfortunately we can't control life. We can either accept what life throws at us and get through it the best way we can or we wallow in self pity and refuse to move on. After attempting to live life by the second option; I knew that was not the way to go.

Grabbing my iPod and phone, I made my way to my favorite spot...the hammock. I had a little less than an hour before Dr. Leslie was set to arrive and I needed to relax. After situating myself, I decided to call Edward. His voice alone calmed my racing nerves.

"_Hey Beautiful. I was just thinking about you."_

"I guess it's true what they say about great minds, because I was thinking about you too."

"_How are you doing?"_

"Just nervous and anxious. But at the same time I'm ready to just get it over with. I'm ready to come home."

"_I'm ready for you too as well. I have really missed you."_

We talked for maybe ten minutes more before we said our goodbyes. They were getting ready to make the drive back to Seattle. I really did need to focus on myself a bit before it was time to face everyone. I set my iPod to my classical list and just let my mind go. It's such a strange feeling not focusing on any one thing and just allowing your mind to go where it pleases. While laying in the hammock, a light breeze started swirling around the backyard, causing it to gently sway back and forth. The longer I laid there, the more calm and peaceful I started to feel. I was being lulled into serenity.

I made a promise to myself to be completely open and honest with everyone. I would no longer hide my thoughts or feelings for the sake of sparing others. I had learned over the past few months that that only complicates things in the end. I didn't need anymore complications in my life. I was finally ready to accept that yes, even I deserved to be happy. That letting go of the past didn't mean I was letting go or forgetting her. I had to accept that part of my past and learn from it.

Jake's gentle voice brought me back to the present. I felt his hand lightly shaking my arm.

"Bella...you need to get up. Everyone's here."

"Wow, I must have dozed off."

"I'm sure you did. You can never stay awake very long when you're in this thing. Do you know I actually suggested replacing your bed with this thing after it all happened and you couldn't sleep more than a few hours without being woken by your nightmares?"

"You really suggested that?"

"I sure did. And you know what? Your mom thought it was a good idea. Phil was the voice of reason."

We both laughed humorlessly at the craziness of the idea. Well more like the reason behind the idea.

"So I guess it's time." I asked.

"Yes...it's time."

**A/N: I know, I didn't get to the group therapy session this chapter, but it would have made the chapter way too long. I hope you'll forgive me for that. But chapter 41 is in the works. We may even get a little EPOV in it as well. I'm also working on an outtake from Jacob's POV about the trip home. **

**Speaking of outtakes...check out my profile. I've started a new story...RIB Outtakes. So far there is one chapter posted.**

**I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter as well as the outtake. So hit the review button and make me smile!**


	41. Chapter 41: Life Begins

****Clears throat****

**Soooo...is anyone still with me? Okay so I know it's been a while but here's an extra long chapter to make up for it.**

**I will say that I'm very anxious about this one. I wrote, edited, deleted, and then started all over many times. This is an important chapter and I'm just hoping that it doesn't disappoint. I feel like it isn't good enough, but no matter what I did, I couldn't make it better. So I hope you enjoy it. **

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Welcome to the new readers as well. I had a lot of people add me to their alerts and favorites and I greatly appreciate it!**

**Please read the A/N at the bottom. I need some help from my readers.**

**Chapter 41: Life Begins**

**BPOV**

"Yes...it's time." Jake answered while giving me an understanding smile and extending his hand to me. Always my sunshine, my crutch, my strength.

"Thank you Jacob. I don't know that I'll ever be able to express how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I wouldn't be where I am today if not for you."

His typical response was to tell me that I didn't have to thank him, that he did what any friend would do. But this time he just smiled and pulled me into a hug. I squeezed him back, thankful that he finally accepted what I had to say. He pulled me through the back door and lead me to the living room where everyone was waiting for us. They all glanced up at the same time and I suddenly felt like I was standing under a blazing hot spot light. Jake being Jake and knowing me better than I know myself, ignored everyone and lead me to the couch.

Dr. Leslie took charge and explained to me that she had already told everyone about Dr. Kym's request and explained the importance of having her listen in. I wasn't surprised to learn that everyone had readily agreed. My mom was in the process of dialing Dr. Kym on Skype and it didn't take long until we were connected.

Once Dr. Kym was on line, Dr. Leslie began.

"First, I would like take a moment to thank each and every one of you for participating in today's session. I feel that today is going to be very beneficial to Bella. I was her therapist for six months before she moved to Seattle and during that time, she spoke extensively about everyone in this room. I've already explained who Dr. Kym is, but I'd like to take the next few minutes for everyone to introduce themselves to her and explain your connection to Bella. Dr. Kym, would you like to say anything before we begin?"

"Thank you Dr. Leslie. I'd just like to say thank you for allowing me to listen in today. I'd also like to pass along my most sincere condolences for what you have all been through over the past two years. It's so heartwarming to see loved ones rally around each other during times of trouble instead of pushing everyone away. Dr. Leslie will be leading today and I will just be observing, but if at any time you have questions for me or don't want me listening in; please just let me know."

For the next ten minutes or so everyone took a turn to introduce themselves and gave a brief background on how they were connected to not only me but to what happened as well. I could hear Dr. Kym's pen scribbling furiously over her notebook. I would bet my scholarship that she had ten of those things already filled up and in my file. Not only did she take extensive notes, but she recorded every session as well. She and Dr. Leslie probably know more about me than I do.

"After talking with Bella on Friday, there are a few things that I'd like to have happen during this session. I want to give Bella the opportunity to tell everyone why she decided to return to Phoenix. I also believe she has some things she wants to share with the group." Dr. Leslie stated while glancing at me. I nodded my head to let her know that I had decided to share.

"I want to forewarn that some of the things Bella has to say will be hard to hear. I want to give each of you the chance to voice your feelings once she has finished. If at anytime we need to take a break, just let me know. I'm here as long as I need to be. If at anytime you wish to not share with the entire group, that can be arranged. I just want things to be as easy and comfortable as possible today, for all of you. Does anyone have any questions? If not, Bella...are you ready?"

I took a deep breath and Jake squeezed my hand, giving me some of his never ending strength.

"Thanks Dr. Leslie. I really appreciate you taking the time to be here today. I'd also like to thank each of you for agreeing to this joint session. This is something I should have insisted on a long time ago, but like a lot of things I should have done...I didn't. I'm so sorry for everything that I've put you all through over the past two years, but especially since that night. Looking back, I know I handled things completely wrong. I only made things worse on myself and everyone else. I can't take that back now, but I can attempt to make things better and move on."

There were voices of objection, but I held up my hand letting them know that I needed to get this off my chest.

"Things have been going so much better since I moved to Seattle, but I was still very adamant about not coming back to Phoenix. I needed time away. Time to let all the bad memories fade so they wouldn't taint all the wonderful memories that I have of my life here. I had no plans of coming back here for some time, having already decided to spend not only the holidays but next summer in Forks with my dad. But I should have learned by now that things never work out the way I think they will. For my birthday, Katie took the time to make me a pretty wonderful gift. She made me a scrapbook that pretty much detailed the friendship between Elizabeth, Jake, Katie, and I from the beginning. I've left it on the table if any of you want to see it. She also wrote a pretty powerful letter."

I glanced at Katie and noticed that she was blushing. I caught her eye and smiled.

"Thoughts about returning for a visit had started to pop into my head but I just couldn't make myself seriously considering coming back. Katie's letter made the decision for me. She opened my eyes and made me realize that what I was doing and how I was acting was wrong. It was a disgrace to Elizabeth and a disservice to myself. I've carried around guilt, blame, and responsibility for what happened that night and it very nearly took me under. But I was afraid to let it go. After quite a bit of contemplation and consideration, I talked to Dr. Kym, my parents, and my friends and decided that until I faced the demons of my past that I'd never truly be able to move past what happened and move forward with my life."

"Bella, can you explain why you were afraid to let go of those feelings?" I was glad that Dr. Leslie was giving me cues. I don't know that I would remember everything I needed to say if she weren't here.

"The simplest answer is that I felt that if let go of those feelings, I would be belittling Elizabeth's life and everything we went through that night. I felt like I was the reason for her death and for Katie's situation. I know it doesn't make much sense but I was afraid if I let it go then I would be letting Elizabeth go. James may have been punished for what he did, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't carry around guilt and blame. I guess in my mind, someone needed to carry those feelings and genuinely feel them. I didn't want her death to be in vain, but I guess in trying to make sure someone felt responsible, I let myself get lost." I continued to attempt to explain my convoluted feelings and reasons. Thankfully, they weren't completely lost on the people in the room. Dr. Leslie did take a minute to put a more understandable spin on it. I was relieved when I could see understanding cross many of their faces.

"Bella really has come a long way since the first day she came to my office. Considering what she has been through and how much she held inside, her progress is quite remarkable." Dr. Leslie beamed while Dr. Kym nodded her head in agreement.

"Sweetie, would you mind if Dr. Leslie and Dr. Kym gave us a progress report of sorts?" My mom asked tentatively. Again, remembering the promise I made to myself about full disclosure; I agreed.

"As long as they don't mind sharing, it's okay with me." I answered.

It was strange hearing about my progress from my two therapist. I mean we had discussed it in session, but when they explained it to my family; it was quite different. I learned that Dr. Leslie was much more worried about me than she ever let on. She was extremely worried that I wouldn't continue with my therapy once I moved. I got the feeling that she took a bigger interest in me and my case than she typically did. Dr. Kym was very thorough in her assessment of my case as well. Giving me even more information to think on at a later time. I was amazed at just how far I had come in such a short time. Living it day after day, well one doesn't see things clearly. But getting to hear the perspective of those that have been helping me heal, well I actually felt a small amount of pride for my accomplishments.

Thirty minutes had already passed and Dr. Leslie decided to open the floor up.

"Does anyone have anything they want to share or ask at this point?" I was surprised when Charlie started talking before Dr. Leslie stopped.

"Bells, what finally made you decide to go to therapy; for real?" Of course he would jump right into what I least wanted to talk about. But I knew he had always wondered. I was so scared to reveal that information, but I needed to be truthful. Jake continued to hold my hand; letting me know that he was right beside me. As comforting as it was, at that moment, I really missed Edward.

"I know you've been about to jump out of your skin to ask me that." I winked at him. "Any other time I probably would have told you that it was just time and I needed help moving on, but I made a promise to myself that I was going to be open and honest and answer any and all questions; even if they caused those I love pain. This is one of those things that's going to hurt..." I trailed off.

"You all know how much I struggled after that night. It only got worse when I realized that I couldn't play. Music was always the one thing other than Jake, Katie, and Elizabeth that I knew I could count on, that would always be there. So I was devastated when I realized I couldn't even approach the piano or clarinet. It was also one of my biggest links to Elizabeth and Katie. The thought of losing that connection, well it wasn't good."

"At first, the thought of playing nearly sent me into a panic attack. That quickly turned to depression when I tried to play and couldn't. I was crushed, knowing that I'd never be able to accept the scholarship. I had so many emotions swirling around me over that. I was so happy and excited that I was good enough to be granted that wonderful opportunity but at the same time I hated it because if it weren't for that audition, Elizabeth would still be here and Katie would still be able to use her legs." I faintly heard who I thought was Mary begin to cry, but I didn't have time to think on it. I needed to get this out.

"After graduation things only got worse. I had tried really hard to suppress what happened and my feelings surrounding it and I thought I was doing a good job. Graduation broke me; crumbled the shaky walls I had tried to build. Watching the tribute to Elizabeth and then watching Katie be pushed across the stage; I couldn't handle it. The fact that I was in a wheelchair as well only angered me further. My situation was temporary...Katie's was permanent. I wished it were me in her position."

"I shut everyone out. I even tried to shut Jake out but he was too stubborn and I didn't have it in me to fight with him. I think everyone else was too scared to push me for fear of what might happen, I didn't make things easy on anyone. Jake finally got tired of walking on egg shells and literally kicked my door down one day in an attempt to make me see reason. I didn't listen to him but I stopped shutting him out. What he did accomplish was scaring the crap out of me and having to fix the busted down door." That got a chuckle out of everyone.

"After a period of just refusing to live, Jake was finally able to pull me from my zombie like state. I wasn't even aware of what month it was, much less the day. He had his work cut out for him. It wasn't easy but I eventually started leaving my room and venturing out a little more. But I was never really...there. I attempted therapy, but I just wasn't ready for the help and I either stopped going or the therapist told my mom that until I was ready to receive help that continuing to push me was not going to do any good. I don't think I was fooling anyone though. Everyone knew I was just going through the motions. But again, I think everyone was scared to push me in fear of what might happen. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of dealing with things as best I could...that is until Jake had to go back to school."

"I was too dependent on him and didn't know what to do when he wasn't with me constantly. I started sleeping my days away, not eating, not doing anything. My weight dropped to 95 lbs and my mom finally reached her breaking point. She called my dad to fly down and when he arrived they literally carried me to the doctor. I was admitted to the hospital and quickly diagnosed with depression and PTSD. They sent me home with meds and instructions. For a while, they seemed to work and I was starting to act like myself again. But me being stubborn, decided I didn't need the meds any longer. I was feeling better and I just wanted to heal on my own, not because I was being chemically altered. I didn't want to feel weak. James had done that enough. Of course, no one knew that I stopped taking my meds; not even Jake."

"When we found out about the trial date, I had to defer my scholarship again. I was both angry and relieved. Angry that my life was being put on hold, although I myself had done nothing to move forward. But I was also relieved because I still wasn't able to play. Not many people knew this either. My biggest fear was that I would never gain the ability to play again. I would have had to turn down the scholarship and if that had happened; the events of that night would have truly been for no reason at all. I couldn't let that happen."

"It was a combination of things that finally brought me to the decision that I needed therapy. They started right after Thanksgiving. I had been off my meds for a few weeks so things were only amplified. I wasn't coping with the holidays well at all. They were too much of a reminder of what had been lost. You all know that was our favorite time of year. The holidays were special to us because we tried to give back as much as we could. Rather it was playing as a trio, baking, volunteering. It was just our special time."

"Anyway, on top of the holidays, I wasn't able to play, and then I was stressing out about the trial. The grief, guilt, and depression started to pull me under and I didn't think I'd ever crawl out from under it. I couldn't help but think that everyone would be better off without me, that if not for me, none of us would be in the situation we were in. I just didn't want to exists any more in the state I was constantly in. But I didn't know how to be any other way."

I heard my dad exhale a large breath and my mom start to cry. I looked to Jake, needing his support. He knew what I was getting ready to reveal and it was going to be hard...on everyone.

"I don't really know how to say this so please just bear with me. All those thoughts were swirling around in my head and I was drowning in despair. I decided I needed to start taking my meds again to see if maybe they could help, even just a bit. Chemically altered healing would be better than nothing at all. I was in my bathroom, taking out my prescriptions, when I saw razor blades. I had no intentions of doing anything to harm myself but the thought that I didn't deserve to be here did go through my head. I don't know how long I sat on that floor before Jake found me on the bathroom floor with the pills sitting beside me and razor blades in my hand. I was crying hysterically and trembling like a leaf in the wind. It was my rock bottom. I just needed to feel...something...anything. As crazy as it sounds, that event just showed me how much I wanted to live." I couldn't look up, so I stared at my feet.

"It scared me. I knew I didn't want to hurt myself but I wasn't in a place I needed to be. I was depressed, messing with my medicine, having terrible thoughts, and had easily gotten my hands on objects that could really hurt me. I know enough to know that I needed help, even if I wasn't suicidal, I wasn't in a good place."

"Oh my god. Why didn't you tell us? Jake, why didn't you tell us?" Renee demanded on the verge of hysteria. Both Phil and my dad wrapped their arms around her.

"Mom, please. Jake did what I asked him to. It nearly killed him and I regret ever making that request of him. It was too much to put on him, but I was selfish. I didn't want to be locked up in a psych ward when I honestly had no intentions of self harm. He knew I was telling the truth. But that doesn't mean he let me off the hook."

Jake decided he had to have his say. And I was thankful for the interruption.

"Look, I know I was wrong not to say anything, but I knew she wasn't honestly trying to hurt herself. I will admit that when I first found her I freaked out. I thought she had tried to overdose on her pills and I don't even want to think about what went through my head when I saw the razor blades. I had her in my arms, getting ready to run her to my car when she told me what happened. But I can promise you that had I thought she was was capable of hurting herself I would not have hesitated to tell everyone and admit her ass myself. After talking to her, I realized she was more afraid of accidently harming herself than anything. I know that may not make sense but it's just like she described. She was so out of it she could have easily taken too much medicine or let her thoughts get the best of her without even realizing what she was doing but she didn't want to die."

Renee still looked upset. Charlie just looked devastated.

"Dad, I promise. I wasn't suicidal. It was a fleeting thought that things may be easier for everyone if I wasn't here, but that's all it was. Just as Jake said, I was more afraid of what I could have accidently done to myself. In a strange way, it was the wake up call I needed. I knew I didn't want to die; whether intentionally or accidently. I wanted to live. And Jake really didn't let me off easy. He became my shadow, riding my ass every possible second. He was just like a damn drill sergeant."

"Damn right I was. I only agreed to keep her secret under a few conditions. First she had to go back on her meds. And no I didn't trust her to take them. I gave them to her myself. She never touched the pills. I took them out of the bottle, put them in her mouth, gave her the water to swallow them with, and then checked her mouth to make sure she really did take them. I even took her meds home with me; only leaving a few pills at a time in case she started having an attack. But I made sure it was never enough to cause her harm. The other condition; one that I wasn't budging on, was that she had to start therapy."

"It was then that I really accepted that I couldn't do this on my own. I needed help to heal and I let him take care of me. I wanted to get better. I knew I couldn't continue to live the way I was living. I was destroying myself and everyone who loved and cared about me."

"Why didn't you come to us?" My dad asked in a pained voice.

"I didn't want you to worry about me even more than you already were. Everyone was already so concerned for me and I didn't want to be the cause of even more distress. I didn't want to be seen as weak and I couldn't handle more pity. Plus it was the holidays and everyone was also dealing with the upcoming trial. It was wrong of me. I know that now and I can't tell you all how sorry I am for everything."

"I promised Jake that after the trial I would start therapy. Once the trial and sentencing were over, I felt lighter...a bit more free. I was taking my medicine like I should, I was starting to reestablish relationships, the stress of the trial was over, and I really wanted to pursue music and take that scholarship. Therapy was the key to moving on."

Jake never left my side, but I knew my mom and dad were not handling this new information well...at all. I waked over and pulled them both into a hug and they dissolved into sobs.

"I never knew it was that bad. What kind of mother am I?" I could hear my mom mumbling. Charlie wasn't much better.

Dr. Leslie asked everyone but Renee, Charlie, and Jake to give us a few minutes.

"I know these things are hard to hear, but focus on the positives. Bella is here and she is happy and healthy now. I wasn't her therapist then but if it helps, from what she has told me and from what I've observed, I don't believe she was suicidal either. She was suffering from survivors guilt; on top of everything else; and it isn't unusual for that to manifest itself into the thoughts she had. That doesn't mean she wanted to end her life. I honestly believe that had Jake not followed her wishes and kept it between him and her, she may not have made progress. She needed to prove to herself that she was not weak. I'm not saying that asking him to remain silent was the best solution either, but either way we can't go back and change those events. That night was a turning point for Bella and she has just been building on the positive changes since then."

"I'm so sorry I didn't say anything to you. I was so scared and I did the only thing I knew how to do; to just be there for her. But please believe me. I would have never kept quiet if I thought she was in trouble. I love her so much and I just wanted her to get better." Jake begged seeking forgiveness. I was a blubbering mess by this point and made no attempts to wipe my eyes or my nose. It was pointless. I'd wait until I calmed down to clean up.

"Jake, I can't say that I agree with what you did as far as keeping this a secret, but I for one could never be angry at you. You kept Bella functioning and alive when no one else could. You've been my baby's rock. I can never repay you or thank you enough for all you've done for my family. And you were and still are just a kid. I can't imagine what you were going through. You were dealing with the death of Elizabeth, Katie's paralysis, as well as Bella shutting down. How did you do it? We shouldn't have let you take all that on by yourself. It wasn't your responsibility. But I will forever be grateful for all you have done and continue to do for my Bella. She is lucky to have you." Charlie said through his tears.

"I couldn't agree more sweetie." Renee was able to get out while pulling Jake into a hug.

We took a few minutes to compose ourselves and then Dr. Leslie called everyone back in. I was thankful that my parents didn't want to dwell on that night. I'm sure we'd have another discussion about it later but for now they were appeased.

I, however, was having a hard time meeting the eyes of my loved ones, not wanting to see their disappointment in me reflected in their eyes. I didn't want them to view me any differently. I didn't want them to think I wasn't strong enough or worse, that I was crazy. I was shocked when Katie began talking.

"Bella, you can stop that thinking right now. None of us are disappointed in you and we know you aren't suicidal or crazy. And I'll tell you something else. I've had those same thoughts from time to time. Not because I'm in this wheelchair but because I lived when Elizabeth didn't. Don't think you're the only one who feels guilty." I jerked my head up and met her eyes. I could see her parents nodding their heads in agreement.

"It's true Bella. Katie dealt with the same thing for months. We were terrified when she first talked to us about it, but we met with our family therapist and talked through the issues. She wasn't suicidal just suffering from major guilt." Mary informed the group.

"I can't believe how stupid I was to shut everyone out. It seems that we could have really been there for each other; helped each other out." I was beating myself up again. "All that time wasted because I was too selfish to think of anyone but myself or anything but my own grief. I'm so sorry." I blubbered.

"Bella, you can't do this to yourself. You can't blame yourself for how you dealt with things. There are no instructions for how we handle grief. It's different for everyone. I'm not saying that there wasn't a better way to deal with things, but dwelling on it isn't going to help you move forward. One of my goals for today is for you to purge yourself of these feelings so you can truly move on." Dr. Leslie stated.

I heard her, but I wasn't finished. I felt like a floodgate had been ripped open and I couldn't stop what was spewing forth. It needed to be said. They all deserved to know that I was truly a selfish creature.

"And the worst part...I drug Jake into it without a second thought. I never gave him a chance to deal with what he had lost. I was too absorbed in myself to even care. I put too much on him and expected him to take care of me. I couldn't admit that to myself but that's what I wanted. I wanted someone to take it all away for me and Jake did that. He took the pain away. I called him my personal sun because he seemed to be able to make it all better when he was around. I wanted that feeling and I held onto him for all I was worth. I took advantage of his friendship, kindness, loyalty, but most of all I took advantage of his love for me. I knew he wouldn't let me suffer alone and I allowed him to be sucked in with me. I abused his friendship without a fleeting thought about what it was doing to him. I don't deserve to have him in my life. I don't deserve his friendship or his love."

"Bella..." I heard Jake sigh as he gripped my hand.

"No Jake, I need to say this. I latched on to you because you have always been there for me; always been my strength when I needed it. It was you who was by my bed when I woke up; it was you that told me what happened to Elizabeth and Katie; it was you that I fell apart in front of, you who held me together. I knew that no matter what, you'd never give up on me. I knew that you'd always forgive me. I was so scared of disappointing my parents. That's one of the biggest reasons I pushed them away. See, I used you. I took advantage of your kind heart. I chose to keep them in the dark at your expense."

"You stood by me through it all; giving and giving and never expecting anything in return. All you wanted was for me to get better. I on the other hand just took. I didn't give anything but yet I expected you to always be there for me. And you have been. I took you away from your senior year of high school, away from Billy, away from your life. And to top it off; I took away the one thing that you had always wanted...ASU. I knew that was your dream but I didn't fight it when you decided that you wanted to go to UW. I know why you changed your mind. It was so I would go, so I could achieve my dreams. You gave up what you wanted so I could have what I always wanted. I could have fought you. I could have done it on my own. I should have, but I was too selfish. I wanted you to come with me. I needed you with me. I couldn't have done it without you. I was so weak."

"How can you still care for me so much? I feel like I took over your life and took away the things that you wanted. I placed too much responsibility on you and asked too much from you. You focused all your attention on me and never once complained. I didn't let you deal with Elizabeth's death. Didn't let you be there for Katie. Took you away from Billy. I took it all away from you..." I sputtered as I ran out of steam.

At some point during all of this, Jake had pulled me into his lap. He was holding on to me so tightly that I was nearly having difficulty breathing. But I wouldn't dare say anything. Jake needed this and so did I. I buried my head into the crook of his neck and let my tears fall. He began whispering in my ear so lowly that I was the only one that could hear.

"Bella, sweetie. Calm down. I know we need to talk about this but right now isn't the time. Just know that I love you and your friendship is one of the most precious things in my life. But I don't want to talk about this in front of everyone. I love you and will never regret what I did for you or resent you for any of it. I did it because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to. It was just as much for me as it was for you."

"Jake...Bella? Is this something that you want to discuss now?" Dr. Leslie asked.

"It's something we need to talk about, but now isn't the time. This isn't what we are here for. But I promise when we get back to Seattle, we'll set up a time with Dr. Kym. This is something she's been dealing with for a while and no matter how much we talk about it, she always reverts back to these feelings. We'll get it worked out. But just so you all know...what I did for Bella I did for myself as well. I felt that Elizabeth would have wanted me to be there for Bella and I knew Katie felt the same way. So by helping Bella through that time, I felt that I was doing it for Elizabeth and Katie as well. Plus it was my way of coping."

Dr. Leslie accepted this and I heard Dr. Kym tell Jake that she would be more than happy to have him join us when we got back to Seattle.

"Bella, are you alright to continue?" I wasn't, but I knew we had a lot to get through and this was my idea after all.

"Yeah, sorry about that." I said meekly. "I just have a hard time with that particular subject. I wish I could go back and do things differently where he is concerned. I'm so thankful he was there for me but I just wish I had handle things in a different manner."

"Everyone deals with grief and lose differently. I'm pretty sure that each person in this room wishes they could change some aspect of how they dealt with what happened. It's true what they say about hindsight. Like I said before, there is no manual for how to handle these types of things in life. No time limits on how long a person is supposed to grieve. There is no magical 'cure all' for things like this. It's a process; one that is different for everyone." Dr. Leslie assured me.

"I think this is a good time for each of you to have a say. I'd like to open the floor to all of you. As Bella has shown and I just stated, people handle their grief in different ways. I'm sure that a few of you if not all of you wish that you could go back and change some aspect of how you handled things. I'd like to ask anyone who is willing, to share; What do you wish you could have done differently during your grieving period? What do you wish you could change? Is there anything that you continue to struggle with today? These are very personal questions and I understand completely if you do not wish to share."

I looked around the room and everyone seemed lost in their thoughts.

"Let's take a ten minute break to gather our thoughts and then we'll start."

I took the time to go to the bathroom and wash my face. I swear I never knew I could produce so many tears in such a short timeframe. After finishing up in the bathroom, I decided to text Edward. He had already beat me to it.

_Thinking of you my beautiful girl. I can't wait to see you. I miss you._

_~E_

Wishing you were here. I could use a hand to hold. So far it's been hard, but I know it's what is needed. I miss you too and can't wait until tonight.

~B

I also sent a quick text to the rest of the gang just letting them know that I missed them and was looking forward to seeing them. They had also sent me messages of encouragement and love throughout the day. I really did have amazing friends. Once everyone was seated in the living room again, Dr. Leslie continued.

"Is there anyone who would like to share?" She asked and from what I could tell, everyone was nodding their heads in agreement. "Any volunteers?" Renee was the first to speak.

"You know, I don't even know where to begin. So I apologize for the rambling I'm sure I'm going to do. And I apologize if I don't make any sense. Of course you are all used to that personality trait of mine already." She chuckled and everyone laughed with her.

"There are so many things that I should have done differently starting over a decade ago. My first and biggest regret is taking Bella away from Charlie and moving her to Phoenix. She got caught up in the issues of her parents and whether she'll admit it or not, I know it's had a huge impact on her life. How could it not? I took her away from her father and every little girl needs her daddy and Charlie was and is a great dad. But I'm so conflicted about feeling that regret because had I not moved her away, she may have never found friends like Jake, Katie, and Elizabeth. She may have never gotten involved in music. And on a selfish note, I probably would have never met Phil. But I still struggle with that decision everyday. Is it better that I moved her and she met these wonderful people and found her life's passion? Or would it have been better for her to have never known it at all and had her dad in her life constantly? Elizabeth would still be alive and Katie would be able to walk. I can't help but feel that what happened what ultimately the outcome of my selfish decision."

Wow. I never knew my mom felt this way. And I never looked at things that way before. I knew this was something that I'd think about later. Which was the better path? Would I have still found my love of music? Would I have made great friends? Would Charlie and I be as close as we are now? Would I have eventually met Edward had we stayed in Forks? All things to consider, even if they have no bearing on the future. If I thought she was finished, I was wrong. This was just the first in a very long list.

"I never realized how much I forced Bella to grow up. She was always more of a mom to me than I was to her. You all know I'm flighty and not the most responsible person. My interest and hobbies change weekly...sometimes hourly. I float from day to day, not thinking about the past and not worrying about the future. True I've grown up over the past few years but Bella practically took care of me when I should have been taking care of her. She was the grown up in our relationship. I enjoyed being her friend and loved how our relationship was. But looking back, I know I didn't do right by her."

"Mom..." I tried to interrupt her. It was true that I did act like the mom and the grown up, but I wouldn't change that. I wanted her to know that I was okay with the way we were. She had other ideas.

"No Bella. I need to say these things. Please, just let me get it out." I nodded my head and made myself stay seated, despite the desire to go to her and wrap her in a hug.

"I guilted Bella into going to that baseball game that day. She didn't want to go but I just wouldn't leave it alone. I told her how much Phil enjoyed us being there. How I wanted to spend time with her, that we never had the chance for mom/daughter time. She really didn't want to go but she can never say no to me. I'm the reason James fixated on her. He would have never seen her if she hadn't been at the stadium that day. After that day, I feel like I failed as a parent. I wasn't as vigilant as I should have been. I didn't allow myself to believe that things were as dangerous as they really were. I was concerned and scared but I should have done more to protect my daughter...your daughters."

"I knew things weren't going well for Bella, but I made the decision to let her deal with things on her own. She's always been so strong and I guess I figured she'd pull herself out of the state she was in. I didn't want her to think that I didn't have faith in her so I let her deal with it. It was my defense mechanism, I didn't want to acknowledge how lost my daughter was. I should have been more involved. I didn't even know she couldn't play until months after the fact. Which further proves the point that I was ignoring what was right in front of me. I just didn't want to accept the reality of things. Didn't want to believe that my daughter was in trouble."

"The thing that haunts me more than anything is the response I had when I found out that Bella was alive and Elizabeth wasn't. I was devastated that Elizabeth lost her life, but at the same time I was so relieved that it wasn't Bella. I'm such an awful person. I grieved for Elizabeth but rejoiced that my daughter lived. I cried tears of sorrow when I found out Elizabeth died, but they turned to tears of joy when I found out Bella didn't."

"Renee, that is a normal reaction. It doesn't make you a bad person for being grateful that your daughter lived." Dr. Leslie assured Renee quietly, before asking her to continue.

"I let Jake take on the responsibility of caring for her. I even called him to come to the house to intervene when I couldn't handle what was going on. I knew it wasn't easy on him but I was so selfish, I just didn't want to face it. Jake was good for Bella so I let him take on the roles I should have been in. I don't know how he managed. My god, he was just a teenage boy who was grieving too. I took him away from his life, from his friends, from his family and I didn't give it a second thought. I feel like I robbed him of a very important part of his life. I took advantage of the relationship that he had with Bella as well as his relationship with my family. I don't know how to repay him for what he has done for Bella and my family. And I have no idea how I'll ever earn his forgiveness for my selfishness." My mom sobbed. I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to comfort her, but Jake beat me to it.

"I know we are supposed to be taking turns, but I need to say this again because I have a feeling that Renee's sentiments are going to be repeated by several people present. And Bella, this touches on what we need to talk about, but I still want us to visit with Dr. Kym. I am being completely honest when I say that what I did for Bella was just as much for me as it was for her. Being there for Bella was the way I grieved. It gave me a purpose. I did what I knew Elizabeth would have wanted me to do. I did what Katie asked me to do. But I would have done it regardless. Bella is one of the most precious things in my life. She is closer to me than just a friend and closer than I think any sister would ever be. She is my soul mate and I would do anything for her. I know you all know the nature of our relationship; not romantic in anyway, but that doesn't mean I don't love her just as fiercely. Hell, our lives might be easier if we did feel for each other that way." He chuckled right along with everyone else.

"My dad understood what I was doing and why I was doing it. I never felt for one second that I was being pulled away from my family. Neither did he. I was helping my family. I've always looked at each of you as if you were my family. But Renee has always been something of a second mom to me. I knew how hard things were on you Renee and I felt that by being there for Bella, I was taking some of the stress off of you. This is what families do for each other."

"It's true that at times I was completely stressed out. I didn't know how to help Bella and I was so scared that I was going to do something to cause her to go backwards instead of forwards. I nearly broke several times, but I knew I needed to be strong for her...and myself. I didn't give up anything. I gained more than I can express and I will never regret what I did during that time. Yes, there are things I could have and should have done differently but I will never regret being that constant presence in her life nor will I regret the choices I have made to lead us to where we are today. We are all on the path of healing and despite the good and bad choices that have been made along the way...we are moving forward and I for one am grateful for that."

I watched as Jake walked over to my mom and held her in a firm embrace. He was whispering quietly in her ear and whatever he said made her smile. I knew she would be okay. I gave him a hug when he rejoined me on the couch.

"Thanks Jake. I love you." I whispered in his ear.

"Love you too, Bells."

"Thank you Renee for sharing. I know that wasn't easy for you." I had a feeling that mom would be paying a visit to Dr. Leslie in the very near future.

"Is there anyone else who would like to share?" She asked and I saw my dad's shoulders rise and fall and he drew in a deep breath.

"As many of you know, in the past I wasn't much of the 'show your emotion' type. That's changed in the past two years, so I'll apologize ahead of time if things get the best of me." I could tell my dad was on the brink of tears. As comfortable as he was showing his emotions around me, I knew he was uncomfortable with showing them in a group this large. I moved to sit beside him. He held my hand and smiled down at me. "Thank you baby girl" he whispered.

"The biggest regret I have is not being a bigger part of Bella's life after she and her mother moved away. As much as I missed her, I was always one to think that girls are better off with their mothers; that they need them more. Renee never kept Bella away from me, but I feel like I should have made more of an effort to be an active part of my daughters life. Instead I let my job become my life. It wasn't until I almost lost her that I realized what a horrid excuse of a father I was to her. That's something I can never make up for. I can't change the past, no matter how much I wish I could." I chanced a look at my dads face and saw tears silently falling. It nearly broke me. I was use to seeing Renee cry, but not my dad.

"I always felt that Bella was happy with her life and as long as she was happy I convinced myself that I was happy too, but that just isn't true. I needed my daughter more than I would ever admit to myself. It just didn't register how much until I saw her lying in that hospital bed; beaten and broken. As a father, it was too much to handle, so I pushed that person aside and let Chief Swan take over. I know how to deal with the hard stuff when that guy is in charge."

"Of course that brings to the forefront a whole new set of issues. As a cop, I should have been able to prevent what happened to Bella, Elizabeth, and Katie. I know the statistics. I know that someone as crazy as James wouldn't let a restraining order keep him from harassing Bella. There were so many times that I picked up the phone to beg her to move to Forks with me but I found that I just couldn't do that. I knew she would pack her stuff up immediately and move just so I would stop worrying so much. I knew I couldn't be that selfish. Her life was here with her friends and her music."

I was shocked at my dad's revelation. I never knew he felt that way. But he's right. I would have figured out a way to move to be with him. Mom had Phil so I knew she wouldn't be alone. It would have killed me to leave my friends, but I would have done it for my dad.

"After seeing her in the hospital and finding out what happened that night, I beat myself up for not being a selfish asshole and insisting that she move to Forks. All this could have been avoided. None of you would have had to suffer that night and endure the torment that has ensued since then."

"I also feel like I should have been more of a dad during the whole ordeal instead of a cop. There were lots of cops working on the case...Bella only has one dad. Well that's not true. I know all the males in this room think of her as a daughter, but I'm her daddy and I should have let that be the role that I played. Instead of stepping in and acting like a parent, like Renee I left that responsibility to Jake. I won't elaborate on that since he has already made his feelings known, but that doesn't mean I don't feel terrible for letting it rest all on your shoulders. Maybe I'll join him and Bella at one of their sessions back in Seattle. I'm just as stubborn as my daughter, so like her, this is a point that will need to be worked through." I could see the corner of his mouth turn up slightly, letting me know that he wasn't finished with that portion of his thoughts, but he was going to let it go for now.

"Lastly, I feel I owe Sarah and Jim an apology. As heartbroken as I was over Elizabeth's death, I won't lie, I breathed a sigh of relief when I found out that Bella was alive. I can't help but feel that any parent in my position would have felt the same way, but it still doesn't mean I don't feel like shit for feeling that way."

"Charlie, you have nothing to apologize for. Trust us when we say we completely understand." I saw the look on Jim's face when he said that and knew there was more behind his statement. But he didn't elaborate.

Without much pause, the session continued. Phil spoke up and added his voice to the fray.

"I know I'm the new comer to the group, but that doesn't mean I don't feel some responsibility for that night. I was constantly asking Renee to bring Bella to the games. I knew how much she loved to spend time with her daughter but she devoted so much time to me as well. I thought that by coming to game days together; they could have mother/daughter time and Renee wouldn't feel so torn. I also really liked looking in the stands and seeing for all intents and purposes...my family. From the moment Renee introduced me to Bella, she instantly became a big part of my life."

"If I hadn't of pushed so much, Renee would have let Bella be. But I didn't back off. So you see, if not for me, Bella would have never even been a blipped on the radar of James Cam and that horrible night would have never happened. I feel as if I'm the catalyst for this whole catastrophe."

"I also wanted to express my regrets on how I let Jake handle things. Renee isn't the only one guilty of calling him to intervene when Renee and I couldn't get through to Bella. But we've already been put in our place over that issue." Jake smiled at him and Phil let go of a small laugh.

"I feel like I could have and should have done more in not only protecting Bella but the others as well. Charlie was depending on me to watch over Bella and I failed miserably. I just wish there was more that I could have done to not just prevent what happened but also be stronger for Bella and Renee afterwards." Phil finished quietly. I watched as my dad placed a comforting hand on his back. It really was amazing at how well they got along.

I heard Mary clear her throat and new that she and Joe were ready to talk.

"Bella, first I just want to say how happy I am that you decided to come back for a visit. Both Joe and I were terrified that you would leave and not return for quite a while. And whether she'll admit it or not, Katie was worried too." Katie just grinned at me. She knew what that letter would do to me.

"We are both so proud of you for what you have accomplished...personally and musically, since moving to Seattle. I often feel so torn though. I feel that I am responsible for that night; for Elizabeth's death, Katie's current struggles, as well as everything you have gone through. I set up the audition for you and set up the location. You deserved a shot at that scholarship and I am so happy that I was able to play some part in that. But at the same time it's hard to not feel the guilt of what happened. Does that make any sense? As happy as I am for what you achieved that night, I wished it had never happened. Please don't take that the wrong way Bella. I know I'm all over the place but it's really hard to put what I'm feeling into words." She said while waving her hands in the air erratically. I knew she was getting frustrated.

"I completely understand." I assured her. "As happy as I am with the scholarship and the opportunities it has afforded me, I would give it up in a heartbeat to erase that night from history. But I hope you realize that James would have eventually gotten to me, whether it was at the church that night or me coming home from school, or just walking out of my house. He would have gotten me no matter what. I'm just sorry that the others were around when he chose to act. I'm sorry they got caught in the crossfire."

"We know that sweetie, but both Mary and I feel that we had a hand in him getting to you girls that night. Logically we know what you are saying is completely true, but that doesn't mean we can't feel responsible."

"We are both sorry that we weren't there more for you Bella. Jake and Katie kept us updated, but we should have never abandoned you during that time. We knew how much time Jake was spending with you but we never offered to help out. I think we were just so afraid of making things harder for you. I think a lot of it was that we also were trying to deal with the guilt of what happened. We were never angry with you, just the situation. But we also knew how you tried to take the blame for everything and we didn't want you to think that we blamed you for that night. We have never thought that, if anything it was our fault. We were the ones that were directly responsible for not only setting up your audition but also picking the place."

"Mary is right. Looking back we also regret not being in attendance at the church. Although you were all considered 'adults' we should have still been there to supervise what was going on. We were the real adults and we should have never left you girls there by yourself. We should have been there..." Joe trailed off.

"We are also guilty of being thankful that Katie survived when Elizabeth didn't. As selfish as it is we had our 'why Katie' moments too. As happy as we were she was alive, we were at times ungrateful of her situation. It was hard and it still is watching her struggle with what has happened to her. On the bad days, we tend to forget that we could have lost her altogether. It has taken time, but we have come to terms with what happened. We still do feel some responsibility though."

Billy even felt the need to speak, which surprised me to no end. Out of everyone in the room, he was the least affected. Or so I thought.

"I just want to start off by letting you know how important Elizabeth was to me. Not only her but Katie and Bella too. You girls brought so much happiness into my life, even when you were all up to no good. I struggled with the decision to move away from La Push after we lost Jake's mother. It was selfish on my part to pull him away from his family, his friends, his tribe, and his heritage. But I couldn't stay there without his mother. It was too painful. It wasn't strictly coincidence that I chose Phoenix to move to. I knew Renee and Bella before they moved here. I knew Renee's parents as well. Charlie and I have been friends for years. I knew I would need some type of connection to people I knew. I spoke at length with Charlie and Renee before making the final decision. I also have family in the next town over, so it seemed like a good place to start over."

"It was hard being away from all I've ever known but it was a relief as well. I was just worried that Jake would suffer. I wanted him to make friends and live as normal of a life as he could without a mother. Well he made the best friends of his life and he gained three mother types as well. I have a lot to thank you all for."

"I will admit, I was a bit worried at first when Jake insisted that he hang around with three girls all the time. A boy needs other friends that are boys, but Jake's never been 'normal' has he?" Billy joked. "You girls were his life and gave him a purpose. I can tell you completely and honestly that he never felt obligated when it came to the three of you. And Bella I can vouch for him when he says he did what he did for you because he wanted to. Not because he felt he had to."

"I know I'm rambling. The point I wanted to make was that while you all may believe that I suffered the least out of everyone involved, that just isn't true. For as much as you all saw Jake as your own. Those girls were mine. They brought me just as much love, joy, happiness, and pride as they could any father. I felt that their accomplishments were mine. I felt their sadness and heartache. They helped to heal the spot in my heart that longed for a bigger family. The were a balm to my soul."

"i feel like I did them all a disservice that night. Jake had a feeling that something wasn't quite right and wanted to get to that church as fast as he could, but I told him to calm down. I even joked with him that he had separation anxiety and that he should have that checked out. Five minutes earlier and Elizabeth may have had a chance to live. Five minutes earlier and he may have arrived in time to stop the abduction."

"Five minutes earlier and my son could have been dead..." we heard Billy whisper. "I'm plagued with the guilt that I held him up, but at the same time I'm conflicted because those five minutes could have very well saved his life."

It was apparent that every parent in the room had had the same thoughts. Grieving for the lose of Elizabeth but at the same time over joyed that their child had survived. Yeah, it's easy to see why those feelings cause so much internal turmoil.

"The one thing I don't regret and would never do differently is the one thing that so far everyone has felt bad about. I'm more proud of Jake for what he did than I can ever express. I even encouraged him in his efforts. I knew it was his way of coping. It was his way of grieving. If I for one minute thought it was more than he could have handled, I would have stepped in. I've always been in awe of my son, of the way he has always dealt with the struggles of life. He always has a smile on his face and kindness in his heart. But I watched him turn into a man after that night. A man that his mother is undoubtedly watching over and I know she's just as proud of him as I am."

I glanced at Jake and saw the tears freely flowing from his eyes. Billy didn't talk about his mom much so I knew this was a special moment for Jake. Hearing that his mom would be proud of the way he turned out surely made his heart soar. And Billy knew this. It was evident by the watery smile that was plastered across his face.

"Thanks dad." I barely heard Jake whisper. "I guess I'll go ahead and take my turn" he continued. "Bella, I know you don't think that I've ever had time to properly grieve for Elizabeth or fully absorb what happened that night, but please believe me when I say I have...on both accounts. That doesn't mean I don't have regrets, things I wish I could go back and change."

"I feel like I failed my girls. I was your protector. I took care of you three. It was something I took pride in, knowing that as long as I was around, you three would be safe. When James showed up in that parking lot at Christmas, I knew it was my presence that kept him from doing something worse. If it were just the three girls, well there is no telling what he would have done. I can't express how thankful I am that I was there. But when it counted the most, I was absent. I should have never left the church that night. Even if I wasn't allowed into the sanctuary, I could have hung around. I feel if I had been there, I would have at least slowed his progress if not completely stopped it. I would have willingly died in Elizabeth's place; Katie and Bella's too."

"I feel so guilty that I left that church. I feel just as guilty for not going to check on them sooner. My dad is trying to take the blame for that but I could have left at any time. Sorry dad, but it's not like you could have stopped me. Even threatening my toes with your wheels wouldn't have stopped me if I really wanted to go." Thankfully that earned a little chuckle and some of the tension was broken.

"I was never thankful that it wasn't me. In a weird way, I feel guilty about that. If something had of happened to me, my dad would have been all alone, but despite that I would take Elizabeth's place; even to this day." Jake's capacity to love and his super size heart still continue to amaze me.

"But I know what happened was out of my control. However, the way I dealt with Bella was completely in my control. I wonder all the time if there were things I should have done differently. I should have pushed her more to get help. I shouldn't have babied her and let her get her way all the time. I knew how badly she was hurting and I didn't want to make that pain worse, but I was still hesitant to do anything to make it worse. It's true that my patience wore out quicker than the others, but even when I did bully her into doing what I thought was best, it was still done her way. Well it was up until the day I found her on her bathroom floor."

"That's the day I decided it didn't matter what she wanted. She was going to get better and it was going to happen with or without her consent. I'm just lucky that she was ready for the help and that I was able to retain my friendship with her through it all. I look back now and and I know that I shouldn't have agreed to keep that day between the two of us. The only defense I have is that I was young and stupid. I was so scared for her and so relieved that she was okay, that I would have agreed to anything she asked that day. I just wanted her to get better."

It hurt to hear Jake say these things. I knew that was a hard time for him to live through and although we had discussed that period of our life many times, it still pained me to actually hear him vocalize how he was feeling. I did that to him. It was my fault that he was feeling that way. Again I voiced to myself how lucky I was to have him in my life and how I would never be able to repay him for all he has done for me.

"Katie, I feel I owe you an apology. I know you encouraged me to help Bella and be there for her, but I feel I abandoned you. I could have been there for you as well. I could have helped you, even if it was just sitting by your bed and watching TV or making you laugh when you were having a down day. I wasn't a very good friend to you and I hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for that bec..."

"Jacob Black. You shut your mouth right now!" Katie bellowed in a voice that meant business. "I don't ever want to hear that out of your mouth again. You're right, you weren't a very good friend...you were and still are the very best friend anyone could ever ask for. Yes it was hard to get through that time, but I had other things to focus on other than what happened that night. I was focusing on healing physically and getting used to what my life was going to be like in the future. That doesn't mean that I wasn't devastated about losing Elizabeth, but I didn't have as much time to dwell on it. Not like Bella did. I knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't want her parents to see how badly she was really hurting. She only ever showed that to us. And you always saw more than either I or Elizabeth did. Even if she didn't want you to see."

"Because I knew that you were there for her, I was able to focus on myself and my uphill battle. But Jake, you were there for me. You seem to be forgetting the many phone calls I made to you in the middle of the night just to hear your sunny voice making me laugh. Or how about the night I really wanted hot wings and a chocolate milkshake at 2:30 am. Who drove all over town to find it for me and then snuck it into my room? My favorite has to be when I wasn't feeling very girly and you insisted on giving me a pedicure and a manicure. You even took the time to paint designs on my nails. Afterwards you insisted that I put on make up, fix my hair, and dress up. We went out to eat that night and then just sat on the back porch talking afterwards. That was the first time I had truly felt like myself since that night at the church. Every time I called you and needed you, you were there for me. So you see, there's nothing to forgive."

You would have had to be blind not to see the weight leave Jacob's body. He had sincerely felt that he had let her down during that time. Just one more thing to add to my list of things to feel guilty about. It was obvious that Jake felt he should have spent more time with Katie but didn't because of me. I had really caused him so much pain.

"Knock it off Bella." Katie's voice carried across the room. "I know what you're thinking. Your face is like an open book, at least it is to me. No guilt over this. Jake did what I asked him to. Trust me, I always sent him away when I'd had enough of him." She smiled. "Jake, really. Please stop feeling guilty over that. You did exactly what I wanted you to do. Exactly what Elizabeth would have wanted you to do. We aren't blind. No matter how close we all were, you and Bella always had a stronger connection. You were the person that was supposed to be there for her. And I'm so glad that you were able to help her."

"How do you do it?" I heard myself ask.

"Do what?" Katie asked sounding just as confused as I was feeling.

"You seem so...adjusted. That's not really the right word. But you seem to be so settled and okay with everything. I don't mean that in a bad way. You just seem to have such a positive approach to it all. I'm kinda jealous of you."

"Well, you know what they say about people who assume...well trust me. It took a lot for me to get here. Just ask my parents. I'm pretty ashamed to admit it but I was horrible afterwards. I hid it well from everyone, with the exception of mom and dad. I don't think Jake even realized how bad I was. I can't tell you how many times I laid in bed throwing the 'why me' tantrum. I always felt retched afterwards because at least I was still alive. But it didn't stop me from throwing them. Would you believe me if I told you that there was a period of time when I would mutter 'why me' over and over for hours and not even realize I was doing it? It scared me into therapy."

"It's such a weird feeling though, asking 'why me' but in the next second being so thankful to be alive, even if I'm not physically the same. Of course this made me feel even more guilty. Again, at least I was still alive. I would mentally slap myself because I knew that Elizabeth would still be happy as can be if she were in my situation. She always had a way of looking at the best side of each situation. That is what has helped the most, knowing that Elizabeth would have thrown her own very small very private pity party that last all of two seconds and then would have accepted her fate and moved on. She would have gone on with life and enjoyed each and every second of it. I fluctuated between being grateful for being alive, wondering why I was still alive, or if I would have been better off not surviving. I ran the gamut of emotions. But now on bad days, I just think about how she would have dealt with things, and I'm able to face the day with a smile."

"My biggest regret during the whole ordeal is that I avoided you and Elizabeth. I just couldn't handle going to Elizabeth's grave. In my mind it would make it real...final. Then I tried to make myself feel better by saying that Elizabeth would have wanted me to remember her the way she was. But I knew I was being a bad friend. I should have visited her no matter what it would do to me."

"I didn't know if I could handle seeing you, knowing what state you were in. Knowing that I couldn't do a damn thing about it to help you get better. Plus, I didn't want you to see me wallowing. I didn't want you to see how badly I was dealing with things. I knew you would just blame yourself for my state and it would only add more weight to what you were already carrying. It took a few months for me to come to terms with my new life but once I was in a stable place, I was just afraid to see you. How was I going to explain to you why I had been absent? I was wrecked with guilt for abandoning you. I knew you would have pushed me away, but I could have still tried to be there for you."

"Looks like we were both being idiots." I said while shaking my head. "So much could have been avoided if we had only communicated with each other. All of us. It sucks that it took this long to figure it all out."

"But at least you are figuring it out." Dr. Leslie interjected. "This could have gone on for years and the damage might not have been so easily repaired. Just remember that this, what is happening today, is a huge leap in terms of everyone moving forward." She finished as she gave Katie the signal to continue.

"Sarah, Jim...I'm so sorry that I avoided you two for so long. I just didn't want to cause any more hurt than you were already suffering. At times I thought that maybe seeing me would help some, but then I remembered my altered state and knew that it would just be an even bigger reminder of what you lost. I should have just picked up the phone and called. Looking back, I know it was almost as if you had lost three daughters and not just one. So again, I am terribly sorry for any additional pain my avoidance of you caused."

"Sweetie, we understand. Trust us. We were all dealing with so much during that time. I doubt any of us were actually thinking logically about anything. i won't lie, seeing you girls probably would have helped, but then again I can't be positive of that. However, communication works both ways and we gave up after hardly even trying. So you can't take all the blame for that. Both Jim and I are grown adults and we hid from you just as you hid from us. We may have been grieving for our lost daughter, but you girls were also grieving Elizabeth. On top of that you were each dealing with your own issues as well."

"That's one of our regrets, that we didn't reach out to you three more than we tried to. Yes Jake, you're included in that. In the beginning we decided our presence was detrimental to Bella. After the way she reacted to us in the hospital, well we just didn't want to be the cause of that again. That was especially painful to see. Of course had we been in our right minds, we would have known that Bella was just dealing with an overload of information and emotions. She wasn't in a good place emotionally, physically, or mentally. We should have never assumed that she would react like that every time. We both feel that we gave up much to quickly." Jim acknowledged.

"But that doesn't just apply to Bella. Katie, we feel we failed you as well. We should have been there to offer our support during your recovery as well as the time that followed. Even if it was nothing more than a phone call."

"Jake, we should have been there to support you as well. You lost Elizabeth too and just like the girls, you were dealing with your own issues. The difference is, you were able to help not only Katie, but Bella as well. We failed to give you encouragement and support when it mattered most. We do want to let Jake know how grateful we are that he was there for Elizabeth at the end. She didn't die alone. She had one of her best friends with her holding her hand and whispering words of hope to her. We know she wasn't scared because you were there."

"It's been pointed out many times tonight that you were both just as much daughters to us as Elizabeth was and Jake was like the son we always wanted. We would have never given up on her so we shouldn't have stood by and let the distance between us and you three continue to grow. Elizabeth would have been madder than a hornet at how we acted. She would have never stood by and watched from the sidelines. We should have been involved. Maybe we could have given Jake a break We never realized just how much he was doing for both of you girls. It doesn't surprise us in the least though." Sarah said as she smiled at Jake.

"I'd like to say to each of you that we understand the mixed emotions of feeling an overwhelming sadness at losing someone but also being overjoyed that other's lived. Both Sarah and I have lived that. We we so devastated over Elizabeth's death, but at the same time we were completely joy filled that Katie, Bella, and Jake survived. He wasn't at that church but he could have so easily been."

"Yes we were thankful that they lived. But we won't lie to you either. There were many occasions where we just asked 'why Elizabeth'. Please don't misunderstand, we would never wish this on either of the girls or Jake. We are so grateful that they survived but it wasn't easy to accept that Elizabeth was gone. We had a major struggle with our faith. We questioned what kind of God would take someone as wonderful as Elizabeth from this earth. She had so much to offer and was truly a good person. Why would he take away the use of Katie's legs? Allow Bella to suffer as she has for the past two years? Take Jake's mother away from him and then allow him to suffer through the aftermath of that night? This is something we still deal with, but we've learned that asking those types of questions is pointless. These are questions that have no answers."

"And just so we are all clear...Sarah and I have never placed blame for what happened that night on anyone in this room. It belongs squarely on the shoulders of James. We can all ask the 'what if' questions we can think of but in the end the outcome can't be changed. Again, those are the types of questions that cannot be answered and provide nothing but more anguish. Nobody in this room is to blame. The one that is responsible for this is behind bars...where he belongs. And he will never see the outside of those four walls ever again."

"I don't think anyone knows how difficult of a decision it was for us to ask the judge to take the death penalty off the table. It nearly tore Jim and I apart. I was so angry and so full of vengeance that I wanted him to suffer that fate but I knew that was a decision that couldn't be made out of anger. We spent many hours in discussions with each other, our minister, as well as our family attorney. But the deciding factor was Elizabeth. She didn't believe in the death penalty and both Jim and I knew that even though this man took her life, she would have never asked for his in return. We wanted to show this monster that although he took everything dear and important to us that we could still be compassionate people."

"It was all done for Elizabeth though. I still debate if we made the right decision. I know living behind cement and bars can't be much of a life, but he is still alive and Elizabeth is not. Is that fair? Is that justice? I don't know but I go to bed each night and pray that wherever my daughter is that she is proud of the extremely difficult decision that her mother and I had to make."

"None of us should have to be dealing with these types of issues. Katie should be able to use her legs, Elizabeth should still be here living her life, Bella should have never missed out on her first year of college or had to deal with James Cam at all, and Jake shouldn't have had to pick up the pieces that were left behind. As the parents of these children we should have never had to watch them suffer through that time. But we can't change what happened. All we can do is accept it and move on. We can't do that alone though, we need each other and I am so glad that Bella wanted to have us all meet together. We should have done this much sooner, but later is better than never." Sarah smiled at me. I was so overcome by what she and Jim had said that I could talk, but I nodded back in response to her.

Dr. Kym asked if anyone else had anything to add to the group discussion and when no one spoke up, she took control of the session once again.

"Thank you so much for sharing. I know that wasn't easy for any of you but I believe that it will do more good than you'll ever know. Getting those negative feelings out and in the open will help you overcome them. It also shows the others that they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings."

"I had a pretty good idea that there would be a common thread amongst everyone here today, but I didn't realize how deep it ran. It's easy to 'take the blame' for bad things that happen. It's hard to accept that sometimes bad things just happen for no apparent reason. We always look to see what we could have done to prevent it from happening. What if Renee had let Bella stay home that day? What if Phil didn't insisted Bella join Renee? What if the audition had been set up for a different time or location or not set up at all? What if Jake had left home five minutes earlier? What if each and every one of you had been more vigilant? What if Charlie had asked Bella to move? What if Renee had stayed in Forks? The 'what ifs' will drive you insane. You cannot live that way."

"I want you to all listen to me and really take to heart what I'm about to say. You can spend the rest of your lives trying to figure out what you could have done differently. But it will drive you crazy and eat you alive. You can't change what has happened. You can either accept what has happened and make the best of what is left or you can continue in this vicious cycle of self condemnation and never move past it. So it's up to you. Will you live in the past or move forward into the future? Moving forward doesn't mean you forget. You can honor the one you lost by continuing to live."

"There is only one person who is to blame for what happened. One person who holds all the responsibility for that horrible night. One person who is 100 percent completely at fault. That person is not in this room. That person is James Cam."

"It wouldn't matter if Phil and Renee had personally introduced Bella to James. It wouldn't matter if somehow Charlie helped him get a gun or if Billy taught him to shoot it. It wouldn't matter if Mary and Joe gave James the keys to the church or if Sarah and Jim told him what time the audition was going to be. It wouldn't matter if Bella befriended him or the other's made him a part of their group. Even if those things had happened, none of you would be at fault for what happened. James Cam is the sole culprit and it is his fault that Elizabeth is dead, that Katie is confined to a wheelchair, that Bella was broken physically and mentally, that Jake lost one of his best friends and had to suffer watching the other two try to deal with the lose. James is completely at fault that you have all suffered unimaginable horrors at watching your friends and loved ones go through hell. He is to blame for the loses each of you have suffered through."

"I want you to all repeat after me. It was not my fault...I am not to blame...I hold no responsibility..."

We all repeated the phrases after Dr. Leslie several times. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. I never thought that this session would be this hard on everyone. But I was so glad that we all decided to go through with it. I don't know that I'll ever fully accept that I hold no fault in the whole screwed up mess, but I do know that I'm letting go of those feelings little by little.

"I know this is not an easy thing to accept. Especially after 18 months of telling yourselves that you had a part in what happened. The next time that you start to have those feelings, I want you to repeat that mantra over and over in your head; out loud if you are in a place that you feel comfortable. If you can get to a mirror, do it there. It helps to see yourself when you are saying these things. Picture Elizabeth saying these things to you. Each of you have expressed that you know she would never blame you for what happened and that she would want you to move on and live life. Honor the person she was and let go of these negative feelings."

I checked the time and saw that it was getting late. We only had about two hours left before it was time for me, Jake, and my dad to leave for the airport. Dr. Leslie must have been keeping an eye on the time too.

"I know we don't have a lot of time left but I want to end things on a positive note. You've taken the time to share with me the things that you feel that you did wrong and wish you could change. Now I want you to share with me and the group what positives have come from that night. What has changed in your life for the better? I think you'll be surprised how many positive things have occurred since that night."

I was having trouble believing that, but she had never steered me wrong before. So I decided to sit back and really take in what the others had to say as well as really think about what positive changes have happened in my own life.

"I've learned what it means to be a mother and not just a friend to my daughter. It was a hard lesson to learn and I continue to learn, but I'm thankful that I was able to have a second chance to prove to Bella that I can be a mom to her and not just her friend. I've also proven to myself that I have the ability to be a wonderful mother. I've learned how strong Bella truly is. I've always respected her, but watching her go through what she did and watching her pull herself out of it...well she's one of the strongest people I know. I've seen strength that I never knew could exist in such young people when I look at not only Bella but Jake and Katie as well. You three have gone through a horrible experience and you are all working to overcome the events of that night. I'm so proud of you kids."

"You have all shown me the power of friendship and love. It made me even more grateful for the friendship I have with Charlie and the relationship I have with Phil. I guess I can say I've really grown up over the past two years; well as much as I can grow up. I'm still me, I just have a better understanding of things now, a better understanding of who I am and who I need to be. And that isn't a bad thing. Life is a precious thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. I still live each day to the fullest but I've learned to slow down and really appreciate my surroundings."

I was so proud of my mom at that moment. She was still Renee, but she had really grown up. Looking back, it's easy to see that although she still plays the role of friend, there is an underlying 'mom' in all she does now. I like it. I was anxious to hear what my dad had to say and I didn't have to wait long. He spoke up as soon as Renee finished.

"I can say without a doubt that the biggest positive for me has been the rebuilding of my relationship with my daughter. Bella and I were always close, but we never 'dug deep' with one another. She knew I loved her as I knew she loved me, but we never really expressed it, and I know that was my fault. Cops aren't supposed to be emotional people but I took it to the extreme. Over the past two years I've had my eyes opened to what an amazing person Bella is and how much I was missing out on. I hate that it took what happened to shake my world, but like Renee, I'm glad I've been given the chance to make things better between Bella and I. I now know that I can check Chief Swan at the door and let daddy take over. Being a dad is the most important and gratifying job in the world, one I'm hoping to get better at each and every day."

"These kids have also shown me what friendship is really all about. I've watched them all grow up together and through them, I've been able to really come to appreciate the friendships that I have. I'm grateful that Renee and I have always been able to remain friends. When Phil came into the picture, things got a little sticky but we quickly learned that the three of us could be great friends, and we are. Phil is now my family as well and I don't have much family so I value the ones that are here."

"I've also grown as a person and it's been for the better. I slow down and take the time to be thankful for what I have in my life. I now stop to smell the roses, so to speak. I look at life in a whole new way now. I try to focus on the good things rather than the bad. I'm just thankful that I still have my daughter in my life." Charlie said as he finished. I couldn't help the few tears that slid down my face. I know my dad loves me but hearing he proclaim it so ferociously really got to me.

"I couldn't agree more Charlie. I don't have much family left but I've made an effort to let them know just how much they mean to me. I've been so blessed with this extended network of people that I not only consider friends but family as well. I've got a wonderful fiance, a best friend in Charlie, an amazing daughter in Bella, and my family continues to grow with each of you in this room. I've seen what it means to sacrifice for those you love and it is a humbling experience. The biggest positive for me has been watching Bella and Renee's relationship blossom and being allowed to be a part of it."

Phil smiled at me while he held hands with my mom. The smile on her face was heart warming. I'm so happy that she and Phil found one another and I can't wait to see them bind themselves to one another on a beach in Hawaii in just a few short months. They both deserve happiness. I just hope that everyone in this room is able to find the happiness that they have found.

"I've had the privilege of watching my son grow into a man. He's shown me what it means to be a friend through thick and thin. He's also taught me what it means to sacrifice for those you love. He didn't run away when things got tough. He ran straight towards it and embraced it. I've watched as Bella struggled with the aftermath of that night. My heart ached for her and my soul cried for her. But I rejoiced with her and for her as she took steps to overcome it. Katie has taught me what strength is. It's because of her that I've actively been trying to use my legs again. This young woman has taken what happened to her that night and is using it to help others. Talking to young children who are facing a life without the use of their legs can't be easy, but she does it with a smile on her face."

I didn't know Katie was doing that. It made me realize just how out of touch I've been.

"Like each of you, I've realized the importance of family. You are all my family but I miss my tribe. Seeing as how Jake is now living in Seattle, I think it's time I take my rightful place within my tribe. I'll be traveling to La Push over Thanksgiving and if the tribe will accept me back, I'll be going home."

Jake was ecstatic over this information. He has always said that his dad needed to get back to the reservation. That it would be good for his soul. I also know that Jake doesn't like his dad living so far away from him.

"Oh Billy, as much as we'll miss you, I'm so happy for you. Charlie isn't that wonderful! You'll get your fishing buddy back." My mom exclaimed.

"Renee, I'll be getting much more than my fishing buddy back. I'll be getting my partner in crime back. And finally someone who understands the true deliciousness that is Vitamin R." Charlie said as he smiled at Billy while laughing. This was going to be a wonderful thing for both my dad and Billy. They were such good friends when we were still in Forks and they've maintained that friendship over the years. I can only imagine the trouble they'll get into now that they'll be living so close together.

"This is going wonderfully. This is what I'm talking about. Focusing on the positives. Let's continue." Dr. Leslie urged.

"Well I know I speak for both Mary and myself when I say we too have learned the importance of family and friends. We've made more of an effort to reach out to those that we've lost touch with. We have made it a weekly tradition that we sit down with Katie and just talk. We thought that our relationship with her was wonderful before. But we've since found out how much better it can be. Katie has found that she has a real talent for working with children. The look on her face when a child facing a lifetime with a disability thanks her for giving them hope, well it's just priceless. Our family has become a stronger unit."

"I'd just like to add that we've learned just how strong Katie is. To see my daughter take a devastating thing and turn it into a positive has given me a completely new outlook on life. She is making an impact on the lives of so many. These children are going to have a better life because of her. Seeing Jake take on so much responsibility proved to me that there really are selfless people left in the world. People who care more about others than they do themselves. He gives me hope for the youth of today and has restored my faith in humanity. Whether she knows it or not, Bella has become a stronger person since that night. When I look at her now I see a strength that she never had before. I see a determination in her eyes and I know she is going to do something amazing with her life. She is going to be a person who makes a difference. I'm so proud of you kids. And I'm just as proud of this wonderful support system that we as parents and friends have given them."

It was no surprise that Katie, Jake, and I shed tears at her words of praise and admiration. I only hoped I could live up to her expectations and make her proud of me.

"I don't know what to say...except thank you. Thank you so much for all the years you've been there for me, given me encouragement when I was down, a hug when I needed it, a stern word when warranted. Thank you for loving me and giving me the support I needed to get through this most challenging time in my life. I love you and dad so much and I am so thankful that I've been blessed with such wonderful parents."

"It's been hard adjusting to this new life but you two have given me the strength and encouragement I need to get out of bed everyday and face my new reality. I live each day to the fullest now because you never know when it's going to be over. I've learned to take pleasure from the simple things in life. Things that never registered on my radar before, I am now seeing in a new light. The way you and dad look at each other when you think you are alone. Or the way the light filters into my room in the morning. I used to groan and complain when assigned work in school. Now I'm excited for the opportunity to learn something new. I'm grateful that I'm still able to do that. Losing the use of my legs has shown me how much I took for granted before."

"Being able to share my story with children who are struggling with their handicaps has been a blessing. It makes my day just knowing that something I've said or done has given a child hope that they can have a wonderful and productive future. My faith in people has also been restored. There are some people, a lot in fact, that see the wheelchair. But I have made so many new friends who only see Katie. More importantly I've learned just how lucky I am to have the friends and family that I do."

"No matter where we go, what we do with our lives, or how many new friends we make...there will never be anyone that will take the places of Bella, Jake, and Elizabeth. They taught me what true friendship was and I will forever be grateful for their presence in my life. I will never be able to express how much I love you and how much you each mean to me. Losing Elizabeth only amplified how important you both are to me. I don't want you to ever have to question what you mean to me. That's the biggest thing I've learned. I never want those that I love and care about to question what they mean to me. Elizabeth always made a point of expressing her feelings, no matter what they were. I've become more giving of that side of myself."

"I'm happy to announce that I've decided what I want to do with my life. Well maybe not exactly what I want to do, but I do know that I will be working with children with disabilities. If I can make a positive change in just one child's life, then all of the struggles I've dealt with over the past eighteen months will be worth it." She wrapped up with a smile on her face.

"That's wonderful Katie. Elizabeth would be so proud of you. You know she always wanted to work with children and she would be so happy that you've chosen that path for your life." Jim congratulated her.

"Well since we are on the topic of children, Jim and I would like to share our positive. It has been very difficult losing Elizabeth. She was the light of our world and we miss her more than we could ever express. It was heartbreaking to watch Jake, Katie, and Bella struggle through her death and then have to deal with the aftermath of that night. We feared that Katie wouldn't be able to deal with her new life, that Jake would lose the light that always shines in his eyes, and we were terrified that Bella would allow that night to rule her life. But you three have defied the odds. Not only were you able to overcome that night but you are moving on and making a difference. We are so happy for you three. We know that you will never forget Elizabeth, but we want you to move on and be happy. Live life to the fullest. It's what she would have wanted...demanded even." Sarah stated in a strong voice.

"Sarah and I have talked about it and knowing how our daughter felt about children and life, we've decided to look into adoption. Like Katie, if we can change one child's life for the better, then everything we have gone through will be worth it. We may have lost Elizabeth but she can live on through us and our actions, through our love. We are still in the beginning stages but this is something that we are positive we want to do. No one will ever be able to replace our Lizzy but that doesn't mean we don't have an abundance of love to share."

"We would also like to thank each and every one of you for your friendship, love, and support through the most trying time of our life. Thank you for sharing your kids with us for so many years and for trusting us with them. We know that no matter what happens in life, we have friends...family that we can always count on. I hope you all know that we will always be here for you as well. Renee and Phil, congratulations on your upcoming wedding. We are so happy for you two and extremely thankful that the stressful events of the past two years didn't separate you two. Billy, we wish you the best of luck. Through all of this, it has been pressed upon us the importance of family. Just don't forget your adopted family."

"To all the parents in the room. You have all done a wonderful job of raising spectacular children. They brought so much happiness and peace to our daughter. She may have only had eighteen years on this earth but because of the children you raised, she had a fulfilling life. She often told us how blessed she was to be surrounded by all of you. So thank you for giving Elizabeth such a wonderful life. Bella, Katie, and Jake...keep being the strong, independent, selfless people you have grown to be. Live your life to the fullest and don't sweat the small stuff. I know without a doubt that you three will make a difference in the world. You are all destined to do wonderful things." Sarah smiled.

All the parents were nodding their heads in agreement. It was truly humbling to hear all this praise. I didn't think I handled things as well as they were saying nor did I feel I deserved the amount of praise they were giving, but it made me feel good to know that they had so much faith in me. I wasn't the only one that felt that way and Jake let the room know that.

"It really does my heart good to hear people that I've looked up to my whole life say such wonderful things about me. But I don't feel I deserve all this praise. I did what I did because it's what I wanted to do. What, in my opinion, any friend would have done. But I thank you for your positive thoughts and the admiration I've felt from each of you tonight. For me, it's been really hard to think in terms of 'positive' when thinking of that night. But that type of thinking has no place in my life. Things happen for a reason, even if we have yet to see that reason. We may never know the reason, but we have to live life going forward. We can't live in the past."

"There have been many good things happen in my life since that night. I was able to be a helping hand to Bella when she needed me the most. I tried to do the same for Katie. I learned that I had what it took to stand by the ones I love the most no matter the circumstances. I learned how to be selfless and I like the person I've become. Moving to Seattle has been a wonderful thing for me. I've made an awesome group of new friends that I wouldn't trade for anything. They are amazing and immediately took both Bella and I into their folds. The most shocking development since moving is that I now have a girlfriend. She has no problem with the relationship that Bella and I have, which is a first for me. Typically girls veered away from me because of how close I was to my girls. I've even had girls tell me it was my friends or them. Well you all know how that turned out. But Angela is special. She's also Bella's friend. I know it's only been a short time, but she could very well be the one for me."

All the women in the room let out happy squeals. They were always worried that Jake would never find someone that could accept that he had three girls as best friends.

"Okay okay. You're going to make me blush." He laughed. "I'm also super excited that my dad is wanting to move back to La Push. I'll never regret leaving the reservation because it brought both of us to everyone in this room, but it's time he rejoined his tribe. His spirit needs to be recharged. Having him closer to me is also a major plus. I might not express it as often as I should but I love him very much. I think he has done a wonderful job as a single dad and I cherish the relationship we have."

"Friendship has always been important to me, but after losing one of my best friends, I have learned how precious, valuable, and rare a true friendship really is. I've realized that friendships are a gift. The people involved choose to get to know you, choose to share their life with you, choose to let you in. That's a powerful thing but it's also humbling. I hope I never forget that fact. I have had great examples of friendship. Elizabeth, Bella, and Katie were and are wonderful teachers."

"Family has always been important to me. I lost my mom when I was very young but I don't feel like I missed out. Between the blood family and the chosen family I have been blessed with, I've always felt wanted and loved. But after seeing how quickly it can be taken away, I've gained a new respect for my family. So thank you to everyone in this room for treating me as there own. I love you all and feel very fortunate that you are a part of my life."

"So really to wrap it all up, the biggest positives to come from that night are that I strive to live each day with a smile on my face and to always let those that I love and care about know how I feel. My relationships have become deeper and I have stronger emotional ties to my loved ones now. I have a better understanding of who I am. I've learned that no matter how bad a situation can be, you can't give up. I have each of you in this room to thank for that. If each of you can survive the aftermath of that night, I know I can face anything. Thank you all for your strength."

I was amazed at the atmosphere of the room. Dr. Leslie is great at what she does. We all needed this 'positive' end to this session. I had deliberately waited until last to go, needing the time to organize what I wanted to say. Dr. Leslie knew this and took a moment to address the group.

"Thank you all so much for sharing. I know Bella wants to take her turn, but I wanted to take the opportunity to once again thank you for your participation today. We are almost out of time, but I didn't want to risk not being able to express my sincere gratitude to each of you. You may not realize this, but what you've done today will help Bella in her recovery more than you'll ever know. She needed to hear what each of you were feeling; both the good and the bad. I have a feeling she wasn't the only one that needed to hear it either. Before I let her wrap things up for us, I just want you to know that my door is always open and I don't mean in just a capacity as a therapist."

"Sarah and Jim, I have contacts who would be more than happy to help you navigate the tricky system that is adoption. Katie, I know you are already working with groups, but I can also put you in touch with others that are in similar situations as yourself and have the same goals that you do. I have become very invested in this situation; probably more than a therapist should but your story touched my very soul and I just want to help each of you out in any way that I can."

There were several genuine voices of thanks that went around the room before everyone became quiet and turned their gazes to me.

"I guess that means it's my turn now. First, thank you all giving up your time today to attend this session. It means a lot to me to have your support. As you all know, it took me a while to even begin trying to live again...to even want to live life. I thought I was going to be condemned to that dark place. Luckily I have some very stubborn and persistent people in my life who refused to let me stay there. Like many of you, I've learned the importance of family and friends. Without mine, I don't know where I would be today. It's not something that is pleasant to think about."

"Like Jake, I've had a hard time thinking of anything positive that developed from that day. It has always felt wrong to me to feel happy and to focus on the good things. Until recently I felt that if I did that, I would somehow be betraying Elizabeth. Isn't it ironic that I was betraying her by acting that way? She would kick my ass for wallowing in self pity the way I was doing. But I feel that I had to go through that period in order to fully appreciate the gift I was given...to live. I don't know why we all had to suffer through the terror that James chose to inflict, but I have to believe that there is a reason for everything."

"Since that night I have developed better and stronger relationships with my parents. I've learned so much about what unconditional love is. I know how blessed I am to have the parents that I do. Not just my biological parents either. My friendships have become my strength, even if I haven't been forthcoming in showing that. I've apologized to Katie, but I want her to know that I wasn't pushing her away. I was scared that you would be hurt that I had made other friends. I know it's stupid and irrational, but I have no explanation for acting that way. I have been very lucky to find a group of friends who I love dearly. They accept me for who I am and know all about that night. They all know about you Katie and can't wait to meet you. See you were never far from my heart or mind."

"I think all of you are aware but I've also met someone very special. His name is Edward and he is wonderful. Dad...close your ears if you don't want to hear this." I said while everyone laughed. "He and I clicked from the very first time that we met. He went through a life changing experience last year and we've been able to help each other through some of our lingering issues. It's only been a short time for us as a couple, but we've been building a relationship since before classes ever started. He could very well be it for me." And I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face. Renee was nodding her head in agreement with me.

"It's been hard to see myself as strong especially when I feel very weak. I look back on all that wasted time and just wonder how much quicker I could have come to terms with things had I just been stronger, but I know that won't do any good. That's another positive. I know that the past can't be changed and that we can only move forward. I still have bad days when I don't want to get out of bed, but I can't let James do that to me. I have things to live for. I have a life full of wonderful things ahead of me. I have new friends, a boyfriend, a stronger relationship with my parents. I still have Katie and Jake. I didn't lose my ability nor my desire to play music. I was granted and able to keep my scholarship. Phil is becoming an official member of the family. I'm living closer to my dad. Sarah and Jim are planning to give a deserving child a loving home. Katie has found her passion in life. My family is happy. It might be a different happy from what it could be if Elizabeth were here, but it's what she would have wanted. We each carry Elizabeth with us each and everyday. We carry her beliefs and convictions with us and her zest for life."

"I am striving to live each day to the fullest, to make the most of any situation, to have no regrets. To try something new. Go on an adventure. Lend a helping hand. To always tell those that I love and care about how much they mean to me. Yesterday is in the past, tomorrow isn't here yet. We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow, so we should never put off until tomorrow what we can do today. So with that...I love you all so much and I am so thankful that I've had the blessing of having you all in my life. I would not be the person that I am today if not for the influence that you all have had on my life."

"I can't tell you how much lighter I feel right now. I knew that today's session would help me but I had no idea just how much. I know I still have issues to work through and that I'll still go through times when I'll blame myself, but for the first time since waking up in that hospital and finding out the path of destruction that James left behind, I honestly know it wasn't my fault, that I'm not to blame. Do you have any idea what that feels like? To know that I wasn't responsible for the death of my best friend. To know that I'm not the reason Katie is in a wheelchair. It's an incredible feeling. But you know what feels even better? Knowing that none of you blame me or hold me responsible. I could live with my own self imposed guilt...but I don't think I could handle it if I knew that you thought I was in any way the cause for all your lose, grief and suffering."

"Thank you all so much for your wonderful words of praise tonight. You will never know what it means to me that you still think so highly of me. I think one of the reasons I avoided staying in contact was because I was scared that you wouldn't want me to be a part of your life anymore. Losing Elizabeth was hard enough, losing the rest of my family would have been devastating."

"I can move forward with life now knowing that I still have each of you and knowing that you are all moving forward as well. We all have so much to live for and so much life ahead of us. I will never forget Elizabeth. She helped shape and mold me into the person I am today. She may no longer be with me but she will always be a part of me. I have often said that for her I would live my life. But that's the wrong attitude to have. I can't do it for anyone but myself. I want to live my life for me. So instead of living for her, I'll just carry her along in my heart for the journey."

There was a very pregnant pause that followed. The silence was so charged that I could literally feel the air around me vibrating. I could feel the grief of our lose swirling around but that wasn't the most overpowering feeling. It was the feelings of joy, hope, triumph, and anticipation that caused my already falling tears to fall harder. This was the best I had felt in a very long time. The only thing that would make it better is if Edward and the rest of the gang were here with me.

I stood up to walk over to Dr. Leslie to thank her once again for doing this for me but I didn't make it three steps before I was yanked down into Katie's lap. She clung to me while she cried happy tears. We were joined by Jake who added his tears to ours. I was in Katie's lap and Jake was on his knees beside her chair while he hugged both of us. The three of us had our foreheads touching while we stared at one another. Our tears were flowing freely but we were each grinning ear to ear.

"I love you both so much." I whispered.

"We love you too Bean. Just remember, you can't ever get rid of us."

"Katie's right. Together forever, no matter what."

We were still smiling at one another, completely ignoring what was going on around us, lost in the happy emotions that were overflowing. It wasn't until we heard sobbing that we broke apart. I didn't realize how this might look to our parents. All they could see were the three of us holding on to one another for dear life. They couldn't see the smiles on our face or hear what we were saying. They weren't seeing the happiness and relief that was showing on our faces.

"We're okay, better than okay." Katie answered them. This was something that we had always been able to tell about our little group. No one ever had to verbalize what we were feeling, we each just knew.

As if they were given some invisible signal, all the adults crowded around us as we shared a massive group hug. I hugged each person before quietly slipping away to tell Dr. Kym bye as well as to speak with Dr. Leslie.

"I can't thank you enough for doing this for me."

"No thanks necessary Bella. I did this because I wanted to. I want to see you succeed in your recovery. I think this was a good day."

"It was more than that. It was a great day. I feel that I can move forward now without carrying the baggage that has been holding me back. This feeling is indescribable. I know part of it is the high from recent revelations, but I just know that things are going to continue to get better."

"I know. I have the upmost faith in you. But please don't abandon Dr. Kym just yet." She pleaded.

"No worries there. I have no intentions of stopping therapy. Maybe after the new year I'll be able to cut back from weekly visits, but I don't want to do anything that is going to set me back. It's too important to keep the forward momentum."

"You're going to be just fine Bella. I'm so proud you. I'm going to slip out and give you a few minutes with your family. I know you have to leave soon. Please keep in touch and come see me the next time you are in town." She gave me a hug and then skipped out of the front door and to her car. The happiness of the room was contagious. I watched as she backed her car out of the driveway and then drove off down the street.

I was staring out of the window when I felt arms around me.

"Sweetie, we have to leave in about 30 minutes. Did you want to eat something before we had to leave? Some hot chocolate maybe?" My mom's sweet voice surrounded me.

"Hot chocolate would be great mom. I'm going to run up to my room and make sure I have all of my stuff together. I'll be right down."

All my stuff was packed and sitting by the door where I left it earlier in the day. My mom knew I had already packed, but I just needed to escape for a brief moment. I took a few minutes to text Edward while sitting on my bed to let him know it was over and that I'd call him once we made it to the airport. I needed to say goodbye to everyone before they left and if I called Edward now, I wouldn't have that opportunity.

My mom was waiting at the base of the stairs with a mug of hot chocolate and a smile on her face.

"You okay baby?"

"I really am mom. I can't describe what I'm feeling, but I like it. A lot. I know I'm not 'cured' and that I'll still have bad days, but I honestly feel that I can let go."

"You seem lighter. Like a weight has been lifted. You look at peace sweet girl."

I joined the group in the living room and thanked them all again for participating. I listened and drank my hot chocolate as everyone talked about going to Hawaii after Christmas. Everyone in the room was planning to join my mom and Phil as they exchanged their vows of love. Just thinking about being in such a beautiful place with the people who meant the most to me made me smile. My family from Phoenix and my family from Seattle and Forks would all be together. Just thinking of all the potential trouble that we could all get into...yeah, our parents didn't know what they were signing themselves up for. I got a sudden case of the giggles and couldn't hold them back. Katie quickly joined me followed by Jake. We had done this for years. Once one of us started we couldn't stop.

"Bella..." Katie squeaked out while Jake was bent over holding his stomach.

"So..sor...sorry. I'm just so happy!" I managed to get out between giggles.

And from the smiles that I could see, everyone in the room was happy too. We managed to control the laughter but not before it infected the whole room. The whole room was in need of a release after the up and down session. It had been a roller coaster of a day.

After one last round of hugs, promises to keep in touch, and choruses of 'see you in Hawaii', we were on the way to the airport. Jake and I shared the back seat and held hands the whole way. Both needing the contact.

"Bella, you and Alice give me a call this week so we can discuss the wedding. There's lots to do and not a lot of time to do it. I'll be talking to Esme tomorrow. She mentioned driving to Seattle next week so the three of you could Skype with me and really get down to planning. Oh baby girl, I'm so excited." Phil just smiled indulgently at his finance. I noticed the wistful smile that my dad was wearing. Hmmmm, now I just need to find him someone.

Phil and my mom insisted that they park and come into the airport with us, despite mine and Charlie's protesting. We were barely going to have time to get through security as it was but once my mom made up her mind, there was no changing it.

"Love you mom. I'll call you tomorrow." I promised as I gave her one last hug.

"Phil, I apologize up front for the craziness that is getting ready to be unleashed on you by wedding planning Renee." He laughed.

"I'll take it any day kiddo. Love you Bells."

"Love you too."

Jake said his goodbye's as well as Charlie before sprinting towards security. They were just calling our zone for boarding when we made it to the gate. Once we made it to our seats and stored our carry ons, I pulled out my phone to make a quick call to Edward. He picked up on the first ring.

"_Hey beautiful. I'm counting down the seconds until you're back in Seattle."_

"I can't wait. Sorry this is going to be short, but they are getting ready to push away from the gate. We barely made it on time."

"_Well I'm glad you did. I don't think I can wait much longer to see you."_

"Same here. I've got so much to tell you. I miss you Edward."

"_I miss you too. So much."_

"I'll see you in a few hours. I have to turn off my phone now. I'll call you when we land."

"_I'll be waiting."_

I turned off my phone, took a deep breath, and settled into my seat. One constant thought had been on my mind since leaving the house. _Tell him._ I felt that I had been doing an excellent job of expressing my feelings to my loved ones but I knew there was one person that I had been holding back with. _Tell him_. I wasn't guaranteed tomorrow and it was me who said not to put off until tomorrow what can be done today. _Tell him_. I knew that I needed to have a heart to heart with Edward...and soon. I may be risking everything, but I could no longer keep quiet. _Tell him._

I lifted the armrest between the two seats and curled my feet under me. Jake wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. I felt at peace. Things were going to be much better from this point forward. Jake looked at me and I could see the same feelings reflected back at me. He smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the end of my nose. From the corner of my eye I could see my dad smiling at the two of us before he relaxed into his seat. I gave him a quick wink before burying my head into Jake's shoulder as the plane engines revved, preparing for take off. In a matter of hours we'd be back in Seattle.

"Let's go home Jake."

**A/N: So was it a total FAIL? I know it seems like I repeated stuff over and over, but sometimes it take repetition for things to sink in when dealing with stubborn people. Bella would have never accepted it if she had only been told once that she wasn't to blame.**

**I got a new job! Just thought I'd throw that in there.**

_*****NEED HELP!*** Halloween will be happening in the next chapter (at least that's the plan). So I want to hear some of your ideas for costumes for the gang. **_

**I'd really love your feed back on this chapter. I know there are quite a few readers who don't review but please let me know if this chapter hit the mark...or if it was totally awful. I'm more anxious about this chapter than any previous one. Don't know why, but I am. I need to feel the love. So hit the review button and leave some for me! Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this story and sticking with it, even if updates are coming at a snails pace. **


	42. Chapter 42: Forward Progress

**A/N: ****Peeks around curtain**** Is anyone still with me? If you are, thank you so much. Longer A/N to follow...**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 42: Forward Progress**

**EPOV**

"Come on guys. I don't want to be late." I yelled while pacing the common room. Alice and Jasper were in her and Bella's room doing god knows what. I certainly didn't want to know. Emmett and Rose were locked away in her room...no need to wonder what was going on in there. Angela was sitting on the couch, watching me pace, and tapping her foot to a rhythm only she could hear. She was the only one who understood...sort of.

"Edward...the plane doesn't land for another hour at least. And that's only if they are running exactly on time." I heard Alice shout from behind closed doors.

I ran my fingers through my hair a little too roughly. I was getting frustrated and aggravated and I was trying not to take it out on my sister and friends. I was just seconds away from leaving everyone of them here...except for Angela.

"Edward, why don't you come sit down by me and take some deep breaths. I'm just as anxious to get on the road as you are." Angela stated in a calm quiet voice. I shot her a look that would challenge that assumption. "Okay, well maybe not quite as anxious as you are." She laughed.

"I'm sorry. I know it hasn't been easy to be around me for the past few days, it's just that I'm so worried about her. I know she says she's okay, but I won't believe it until I can see it with my own eyes."

"I understand, but she has Jake with her and you know he would never let anything happen to her. We've been keeping in contact and he's told me that although she's had some rough moments she really is doing okay. He texted me right before the plane took off and told me that we'll all be seeing a new Bella when they return. I know the trip did both of them good."

I did feel a little more relaxed at her words, but I was still itching to get to the airport, even if I did have to wait an hour once I got there.

"Thanks Angela. Sometimes it's easy to forget that you get what I'm going through. It's even easier to forget that Jake was and has been right there through it all. He seems to handle things with a maturity that people three times his age tend to lack."

"That's just his nature. And yes, Jake did and does have to deal with what happened, but even he'll tell you that it was nothing compared to what Bella had to cope with. But they are both so strong and determined. I guarantee that we'll see a major positive difference in Bella and Jake from here forward."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before my nervous jitters took over again. I was on my fourth circuit of the living room when Alice and Jasper decided to join us...finally. Alice took one look at me and changed her course of direction. Instead of joining us in the common room, she veered off towards Rose and Angela's room, leaving Jasper to stare after her. She started pounding on the door.

"Come on you two. Hurry up. Edward is about to go crazy out here. If you're coming to the airport with us, you've got five minutes to finish up and get your asses out here."

She turned on her heel with a smirk on her face. She knew that Rose and Em hated to be interrupted but she seemed to get some kind of sick amusement out of it.

"There big brother. Now stop pacing and for the love of all that's holy...leave your damn hair alone. It didn't do anything to you. Do you really want to greet Bella at the airport with a bald spot. Come here, let me fix it."

"Alice..." I whined but knew it was pointless.

"Edward, I just risked the ire of both Em and Rose; resident sex fiends, for you. Now shut up and get over here."

"Yes ma'am." I replied while she grinned at me. She pulled me to her room and gently shut the door behind her. I sat on the edge of her bed while she started attempting to tame my hair. It was fruitless but she never wanted to concede defeat.

"So, are you going to tell her?" She asked in a casual tone for something that was anything but casual. She didn't have to elaborate. I knew what she was referring to. It was something I had sought out her opinion and advice on while we were in Forks.

"Yes, I am. I just don't know when. Is it too soon? Will I scare her away?" Asking the same questions I'd been seeking reassurances on all weekend.

"Edward, I can't tell you the answers to those questions, but what I can tell you is that in my opinion, you won't be disappointed. It's easy for anyone to see how you two feel about one another. As best friends, Bella confides in me. As siblings, you confide in me. It's a hard line to walk but I promised myself that I would walk it very carefully. I won't give away anything to the other that either of you have told me in confidence. But again, I don't think you'll be disappointed. Just be open and honest with her when the time is right." She said while smiling at me. I swear she threw in a wink as well.

"Thanks Ali. You're the greatest."

"I know." She said it as if it were the most known thing in the world. "Now, I've managed to fix your hair, reassure your insecurities, make you laugh..and it killed the five minutes that you would have spent pacing the front room while waiting on Rose and Em. Yes, I'm that damn good."

We emerged from the bedroom and everyone was grabbing their things and making their way to the door. I was planning to drive and Angela was going to ride with me. Everyone else was going to pile into Em's Jeep. The ride to the airport was quick and uneventful. We parked and made our way into the airport, double checking the flight information. Their flight was on time so we had about twenty minutes to wait. Alice suggested grabbing coffee from Starbucks. Everyone agreed, so we killed another ten minutes or so. Before leaving I ordered Bella a hot chocolate with whipped cream and got Jake and Charlie each a coffee.

By the time we made it to the security check point, we had less than five minutes to go. I hated the new rules imposed by the TSA. I wanted to be at the gate when she came off the plane, but I didn't feel like spending the night in a holding cell and being questioned by Homeland Security for jumping the security line. I was deep in thought when I felt Alice take the tray of hot beverages from my hand.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Trust me. I'm saving everyone from a huge mess. Look." She said as she pointed towards the terminal exit.

All I saw was Bella running full speed towards me. She must have tossed her book sac to Jake at some point because he was fumbling to hold on to it. Charlie was just laughing at his daughter. I watched her as she came closer and closer to me. I was already as close to her as I was allowed to be and I was vibrating with anticipation. She looked so tired, yet happy. But there was something different about her. It seemed that she was walking...well running a little taller; seemed lighter on her feet. The worry and stress that was always on her face was gone. Before I knew it she was throwing herself into my arms. I held on to her for dear life as she wrapped her legs around my waist. We were in our own world, ignoring all those around us, forgetting that her father was just a few feet behind.

"I missed you so much." She said through tears and she clung to me.

"Oh Bella...my Bella. I missed you too, more than you'll ever know. I don't ever want to go that long without seeing you again."

I gently placed her on her feet but didn't let her go. Still ignoring those around us, I lowered my lips to hers for a long overdue kiss. We kept it chaste but I could tell that she wanted it to be more, just like it did. We broke apart and just started at one another. I could see all the proof I needed swimming in her eyes and it gave me the courage I needed.

"I..." both Bella and I started at the same time.

"Come on guys we need to get our luggage. It's getting late." Charlie's voice interrupted not only me but Bella. We were both trying to tell the other something. She shot her dad a look that I never wanted to be on the end of.

"Sorry Bells. It's just getting late and I have a long drive home." And I immediately saw remorse cross her face for the look she had shot her dad.

"I know dad. Let's go get our stuff." She gave me another quick kiss before quickly greeting the others.

"I missed you guys so much. I can't believe you came out this late to surprise us." She beamed at them.

"We missed you too B." Emmett told her as he ruffled her hair.

"We've got so much to talk about." Alice continued and Rose and Angela agreed while pulling her into a four person hug.

Jasper discreetly pulled her to the side and whispered something to her that made her smile as Charlie and Jake grabbed their bags from the carousel. Anyone looking from the outside in would assume we had been friends for years...not just a few months. It amazed me at how well we all meshed together. We all genuinely liked one another and enjoyed the company of the group.

"Is it safe to assume that Bells and Jake don't need me to take them back to campus?" Charlie asked.

"Yes sir, that's correct. We were just too excited to sit in the dorms and wait for them to get there, plus we knew you were planning to drive back to Forks tonight. Are you sure you don't want to spend the night? You can have one of our beds. It's really late to be on the road." Alice said in one breath. Charlie just smiled at her.

"I'm sure kiddo. I'm used to driving late at night. I slept on the plane and once I get some coffee in me, I'll be good as new. I appreciate you kids coming to meet us. Bells and Jake sure did luck out with you guys." He smiled at the group.

"Speaking of coffee...here ya go. Edward thought you may need it." Alice stated as she handed Charlie his coffee. She also gave Bella and Jake their drinks as well.

"Well thank you. I really appreciate that." Charlie said as he shook my hand.

"Well Bells, I'm going to head out. Call me tomorrow when you get a chance. I'm real proud of you baby girl." And you could see it written all over his face. Bella handed me her bag and went to her dad and wrapped him in a hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes, each speaking lowly to one another. When they broke apart, they were both wiping tears from their eyes.

"Love you daddy."

"Love you too sweetie."

"Jake, we'll be talking soon son." Jake gave Charlie and hug and they exchanged private words as well.

We parted ways from Charlie as he made his way to the long term parking area. Bella huddled close to me as we walked into the night, while she sipped her drink. It wasn't cold but the air did have a chill in it. Of course, I wasn't complaining. I loved having Bella wrapped up in my arms. Jake and Angela took the back seat of the Volvo while Bella rode shotgun. The entire group was meeting back at the girls suite to hang out for a little while. It wasn't too late, by college standards at least, but I knew Bella and Jake would want to crash before too long. They both looked drained, yet peaceful.

"Can I change the music?" Bella asked shyly. She was still cautious when it came to messing with my music; I thought it was adorable.

"Of course you can. You never have to ask." I answered as I pulled our joined hands to my lips and placed a kiss on the palm of her hand. I heard her gasp and my eyes found hers. What I saw sent my heart into overdrive. We really needed to have a talk, and soon. I winked at her to break the spell because what I wanted to say to her; I wanted to do in private. She smiled back and started playing with the my iPod. The sounds of Metric soon filled the car. I was a new convert of the group, something else I could thank Bella for.

"Sick Muse? Are you trying to say something?" She laughed at my reference to the song lyrics and it was a wonderful sound.

"Don't take it personally Eddie...she's been in a Metric, Muse, and Radiohead loop since we left."

"As long as you're calling me Eddie, I will be taking it personally." I growled. I hated that variation of my name. Call me Edward, that's my name. Hell I'd even take Ed...anything but Eddie.

"Jake, I don't think he likes it when you call him that and since we are in his car and he is driving...I don't think I can keep him from making you walk the rest of the way. Unless we can come to a compromise. What cha think Edward? If he calls you Eddie you get to call him Jakey Poo." Bella grinned over the seat at him while Jake groaned.

"That could be arranged. How does that sound Jakey Poo?" I asked while making a kissing face in the mirror, something that is out of character for me. The shock of my action was written all over his face as he stammered.

"Uh...well...no, that's okay. Edward it is then."

Chalk it up to the late hour, the separation, the anxiety that we had all been feeling...whatever, but we all lost it and could not control the laughter. We were still laughing as we fell out of my car at the dorm. We studiously ignore the curious looks Alice, Jasper, Em, and Rose were throwing our way. I grabbed Bella's suitcase from the trunk and threw her carry on over my shoulder.

Once we made it to the girls room, Alice took charge.

"We missed you guys so much. Forks just wasn't the same."

"I missed you all too, but I'm glad I took the time to go back to Phoenix. I'll gladly fill you in on the highlights, but I'm just not up for it tonight." Bella said with a pleading look in her eyes. I shot my hyperactive Pixie little sister a look that let her know not to push it.

"No problem Bells. Why don't we all go out for supper tomorrow night and we can compare our Fall Breaks?"

"If it involves food, you know I'm in." Emmett grinned.

"You are such a pig." Rose exclaimed.

"Oink oink baby!"

"Thank you! Bella called me the same thing when we first moved in and I said the same thing! See, he gets it." Jake shouted as he and Em jumped up and bumped fists with each other.

"Great, we're dating the Neanderthal twins that were separated at birth." Rose groaned in Angela's direction.

"Tell me about it." Angela agreed.

"Baby..." came the simultaneous groans of both Jake and Em.

"Good grief! That's enough for me. I'm calling it a night. Em...take mini you and go back to your room. I'll see you in the morning."

Everyone was laughing at the slightly annoyed but yet totally indulgent expression Rose was sporting as she looked at her big kid of a boyfriend. I noticed that Angela had the same expression on her face. While Jake and Em were telling everyone goodbye, I started to get anxious. I didn't want to go. I wasn't ready to leave Bella yet, but I knew it wasn't the proper thing to do to ask to spend the night. She was tired and give out and I didn't want to impose on her. Jake and Em both walked over to give Bella hugs and told us they'd see us at dinner the next night. Rose and Angela walked them out before returning and retiring to their room.

Jasper kept glancing at me, waiting for his cue to take our leave. But I wasn't ready, neither was Bella. But I shouldn't have worried. My wonderful, extraordinary, all knowing sister took care of it for me.

"Bella, I'm so glad you are back. We have so much to talk about, but I'm beat and I think I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Well then I'll let you ladies get to it. I don't want to mess up that beauty sleep cycle...not that either of you need it." Jasper winked as he tilted an imaginary cowboy hat at the girls. I swear, they both swooned a little. Hell, I may have even swooned myself. He was one smooth bastard.

I pulled Bella closer to me and inhaled her scent one more time before I stood up to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Call me when you have some free time? Maybe we can meet up before supper."

She nodded her head but appeared to be in thought and she nibbled on her bottom lip. I vaguely saw Alice pull Jasper out of the room.

"Bella? Is everythi...

"Stay?" She asked. "Will you stay with me tonight?" She asked timidly as she peered up at me through her eye lashes.

"Yes. I would love to. I'm not ready to leave you." I answered honestly. I saw Alice peek around the corner and wink at me as she whispered to Jasper. We stood somewhat awkwardly for a few moments before she spoke.

"I have some sweats and a t-shirt that I swiped from Jake that you can wear." She smiled at me before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

She disappeared into her room, passing Alice on her way. I didn't really want to sleep in the same room as my sister tonight. I wanted to talk to Bella and we wouldn't be able to do that with others in the room.

"Spending the night big brother?" I just nodded my head while trying to cover up my sudden blush. "Well I can sleep out here so you and Bella can have some privacy." She said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

"Alice..." I warned and she grinned. "How about you just grab me some blankets and pillows. Bella and I can camp out on the floor in here tonight."

"That's sounds like a great idea." Bella answered as she walked out of the bedroom. "Here Edward. I put a new toothbrush beside the sink for you too." She informed me as she handed me the sweats and t-shirt. "I'll get the floor ready. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Thanks but I'm good. I'll be right back." I got ready for bed quickly, anxious and eager to get back to Bella. As quick as I was...Bella and Alice were quicker. They had already arranged the pillows and blankets on the floor. Alice was hugging Bella and talking lowly to her. I saw the corner of Bella's mouth curve up into a smile and she squeezed Alice to her in a tight embrace.

"Thanks Alice."

"Anytime. Now, I'm going to bed. I need some sleep. Don't stay up too late. You two do have class tomorrow."

"Yes mother." Bella deadpanned.

"Speaking of your mom...we have a lot to discuss this week. Be prepared. I've already got lots of ideas and have already done a ton of research." It sounded like an ominous warning to me. Bella just laughed. She knew better than to challenge the pixie. Smart girl.

Alice flipped the overhead light off as she went to her room and Bella plopped down on our makeshift bed. It was a true testament to how much I missed her and really wanted to hear how her trip went that my mind didn't instantly tumble into the gutter at the thought of sleeping with her. She patted the spot beside her then crooked her finger at me. Like one of Pavlov's dogs...I responded instantly. She wiggled under the covers and then rolled onto her side to face me. I mirrored her position, getting comfortable. The TV was off but she had her iPod playing softly in the background.

"Hi."

"Hi." I responded.

"I'm glad to be back. I missed everyone. I missed you."

"We all missed you too sweet girl. But I think I suffered the most."

"How was the trip to Forks?"

"It was nice. I played the piano quite a bit. Would have been much better with you there, but my mom and dad kept me busy. It was great getting to spend time with them but I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. I want to hear about your trip."

She hesitated a moment and then scooted closer to me.

"I'll tell you all the details tomorrow, but for now just know that I'm glad I went. It really was a good thing and it put quite a bit of things into perspective for me. I know the things that happened were not my fault and that I held onto a lot of unnecessary guilt. My friends and family were always there for me, I was just too blind to see it, too wrapped up in my own dark head and misery to see what was right in front of me. The help I needed was there all along but I've come to peace with the way things happened afterwards. I don't know that I would have come to the conclusions that I have, had I not gone through that dark period of my life. I want to move forward with my life and really live. I will never forget Elizabeth or anything that happened but I know that by moving forward it doesn't mean that I'll forget her. I will be honoring her and the life she had by living my life to the fullest. I don't ever want to take anything for granted again. I just want to be happy."

As much as I wanted to know what happened in Phoenix that finally made her reach that understanding, I didn't want to press her. She seemed so at peace at the moment and I'd be damned if I'd take that away from her.

"Are you happy?" I asked.

"Extremely." She affirmed. "But you know what would make me even happier?" I raised my eyebrow at her, urging her to continue. "This." She stated as she brought her lips to mine. This kiss wasn't like anything we'd ever shared before. It was full of passion and longing but something...more. I rolled over her, gently laying her on her back. I was careful to hold most of my weight on my forearms but did allow some of my weight to rest on her torso. Her right hand was tangled into my hair and every time she tugged on it, I couldn't help the moan that escaped. I was so lost in her that I nearly forgot to breathe. When I could hold out no longer, I reluctantly broke the kiss but immediately started kissing down her jaw to her neck. The feelings that were coursing through my body were overwhelming. We were both breathing quite heavily and the urge to tell her my true feelings simply broke me. Before I could even consider the ramifications of my action I just blurted it out.

"I love you."

She immediately stilled and I tensed. I held my breath, afraid of rejection. I could handle if she just wasn't ready to say it back to me. But I couldn't take right out rejection. Had I read her wrong? Had Alice? I rolled onto my back and started looking for the nearest retreat. The seconds seemed to stretch on forever and I risked looking at her face, which was wet with tears. I sat up quickly and pulled her into my lap, cradling her head against my shoulder.

"Shhh...I'm sorry, so sorry. It's too soon for you, but I had to tell you." She looked started for a moment and then placed her finger on my lips. She quickly replaced it with her lips and gave me the sweetest chaste kiss I've ever had.

"So, so much." She murmured. Then she smiled, a genuine smile, while rearranging herself on my lap. She was now straddling me and we were nose to nose. She tenderly caressed my cheek with her right hand and her left hand sought my right hand. Intertwining our fingers, she brought our joined hand to her lips and place soft kisses along my knuckles before releasing my hand and bringing my palm to her mouth. She placed one last kiss there before speaking again.

"You stole my line." She chuckled. I just stared at her a bit confused.

"Oh Edward, I love you too. So much. It has almost killed me not to just scream it at you. I was afraid I'd scare you off." She confessed as she bit her bottom lip.

"Never, you could never scare me away. Say it again. Please?"

"I love you Edward."

"Oh, my sweet girl. I love you too." I could feel the happiness all around us. "You know, I've had to bite my tongue quite a few times to keep myself from just telling you. I've wanted to tell you for some time now."

"Me too." She replied sheepishly. Well now I was curious.

"How long?" I asked and she hesitated slightly before answering.

"Honestly...Edward, I've had extremely strong feelings for you since before we even made it official. I think I loved you when we were still 'just friends', although I don't know that we ever lived up to that title." She giggled and I loved the sound of it. "How about you? Fair is fair."

"I knew there was something special about you the day we met. Loving you just snuck up on me and it was definitely before we made it official. And I can assure you, I've never seen you as just my friend, no matter how hard I tried."

"Well that's a relief. Especially since I don't do this with people who are just my friends."

I didn't get a chance to respond because her tongue was in my mouth before I could even form a coherent thought. And boy did she lay one on me. Before I knew what was happening, she had me flat on my back. I rolled to the side, gently laying her on her back. Breaking away from her lips, I trailed kisses down her jaw and to her neck, a path that I was becoming intimately familiar with. Her collarbone called to me and I paid special attention to the indention just below where her should and neck met. A little too much attention because when I pulled back, there was a bright red spot where my lips and tongue had just been playing. I looked up into Bella's eyes, which were shinning brightly and said the only thing that came to mind.

"Oops..." I smirked.

"Oops...what's that supposed to mean." I just looked at her and gave her my most innocent smile. Realization dawned and she reacted.

"Edward...did you just give me a hickey?" I just looked at her and nodded ever so slightly. She stared back at me for a minute, trying to decide how she was going to react. I was either in trouble...or in trouble. I shouldn't have been worried though. My girl is always full of surprises.

"Well damn...my first hickey." She laughed. "At least you put it somewhere that won't be a pain to cover up. I won't even need to cover it with make up." She smiled. "Of course...maybe I should let you mark me somewhere more noticeable. I'd wear it as a badge of honor." Like I said...utter surprise. "Now...my turn." She smirked.

"What?" I asked amused.

"Turn about is fair...I'm just returning the favor. Maybe if I mark you, those other girls will know to stay the hell away." I think I'm liking jealous Bella. It's not like I mind her mouth all over me. I figured I might as well enjoy the experience. I stretched out on my back, crossed my ankles, put my hands behind my head, and got comfortable.

"Do your best." I stated and she attacked. It was bliss...it was torture. It was incredible. She kissed ever inch of exposed skin she could find. She left my lips red and swollen. My hair...well it would never be the same again. Finally she slowed her frenzied attack and settled at the juncture where my shoulder met my neck. She took her time laving kisses and little bites before I felt the suction of her mouth. Insert very inappropriate thoughts about now. I may be a gentlemen but I'm still a guy and a very turned on one at that...I laced the fingers of my left hand through her hair, holding her to me while my right hand trailed up and down her spin, fighting the urge to explore more of her body. She kissed the spot lightly before kissing my lips.

"Am I good and marked?" I teased trying to pull myself back to the here and now.

"Very." She replied quite smugly.

"Come on beautiful. It's late and we do have to go to class at some point tomorrow." She laid down beside me and curled into my side. She placed her head on my chest and threw her leg over my hip.

"Comfy?"

"Very."

"I love you Bella."

"I love you too."

We spent a few minutes calming each other down with sweet and gentle kisses, eventually drifting off to sleep, wrapped in each others arms and most importantly, each other's love.

I was awoken the next morning bright and early by Alice and her damn camera.

"What the hell Alice? It's too damn early." I barked.

"Oh get over it. Everyone wants to go to breakfast before our break is officially over. Jasper, Jake, and Emmett will be here in 30 minutes. Jasper is bringing you some clothes...don't worry. I know your closet almost as well as I know mine. I told him what to bring."

"Alice..."

"Edward...you aren't going to win. Might as well just get up and get ready. And you better not use all the hot water or we are going to have our first official fight."

Alice smirked at me as Bella offered her sleepy demands.

"I'm never going to win again." I sighed but couldn't help but smile as Bella gazed up at me through heavy eyelids. I forced myself to move from my very comfortable position on the floor...wrapped up in Bella and got ready to go to breakfast.

Things got back on track quickly after breakfast that day. Bella and I still met before her private lessons with Dr. Smithwick for coffee, we continued our joint practice sessions and finished our duet. We both felt confident that we would have no trouble performing at the end of the semester at the winter concert. Bella continued to cook supper for the group once a week, no matter how busy she was. She gave us all a sense of family and it was easy for anyone outside of our group to see that that's exactly what we were...a family.

Bella, Alice, and my mom spent many hours on Skype with Renee, helping her plan her dream wedding. I still can't believe we'll all be flying to Hawaii right after Christmas. Talk about a spectacular way to end the year and bring in the new year. Bella is crazy excited about the whole thing. She has really made wonderful progress since her trip to Phoenix. She doesn't even seem like the same person I met in the music building. She has continued her once a week therapy sessions, but she has confided in me that after the first of the year, she is going to start scaling back to once every two weeks.

Charlie, Jake, and Bella have a group session planned for the first part of November. I learned once she returned from her trip that everyone that was involved in the situation felt guilty to some degree about what Jake gave up and what he went through during that time...well everyone except his father Billy. He is proud that he has such a strong son. I'm looking forward to meeting the man that raised such an incredible person. Charlie decided that attending a few sessions with both Bella and Jake would be a good idea to help him deal with the guilt and grief that he has suffered since the ordeal.

Bella did confide in me all the details of her trip back to Phoenix not leaving anything out. She cried, she laughed, she yelled, but she got it out and I was there the entire time. She clung to me like a lift raft at times and at others I needed her physical presence to calm me. But in the end, even though it was difficult on both of us, it further cemented our relationship. She had a few down days the week after her trip and we all knew to just let her be, that she was just still in process mode. But just as Jake predicted, we did see a new Bella. A much happier, healthier, and free Bella.

So this brings us up to our current situation. Bella's birthday present. We're going to the Muse concert tonight. She seems to be channeling Alice in massive doeses. She was over the moon about the concert, but when she found out Metric would be opening for them...well I've never seen Bella act like that. Jake even told me that he's never seen her so excited about something.

"Edward...are you ready to leave yet? We're going to be late and I don't want to miss a single second of anything." Bella pleaded.

"Sweetheart. The doors don't open until 6:30. The concert doesn't start until 7:30. It's only 4:00." I chuckled at her impatience.

"Well, I just don't want to be late." She pouted as she poked her bottom lip out at me.

"We won't be late. I promise. No one will take our seats and we won't miss a single second of anything. Calm down."

"Easy for you to say. These are my two favorite bands. I'm just so excited. I can't focus on anything."

"Come here and I'll help you out with that." I said as I wiggled my eyebrows at her. Jasper was off with Alice, leaving Bella and I all alone in my room. Our physical relationship was progressing slowly. But we were both happy with that pace. That didn't mean we didn't engage in some heavy making out and groping. My body was more than ready to move things along but my mind was still hesitant. I know Bella is nothing like Jessica but some things are just hard to shake. We've talked about it and we are both on the same page. She still has lingering issues from what James did to her and until we are both mentally and emotionally ready, we are good with where we are. Physically...well we are past ready. But we know that taking things slow is the best thing for both of us.

"And how exactly do you propose distracting me Mr. Cullen?" She asked as she sauntered over to my desk where I was currently sitting in my desk chair. She proceeded to place her legs on either side of mine and lowered herself into my lap.

"Kiss me." I demanded and she complied. We killed a good thirty minutes just making out. Sweet torture. We were both more than comfortable with roaming hands under clothing and we made good use of our hands during our marathon make out session. I did not want it to end but knew we needed to calm things down. I may want to take things slow, but I'm still a man...a very turned on man. But I've learned that is just my constant state when I'm around her...damn vixen and she doesn't even know it.

"Okay sweet girl. If you want to see Matt Bellamy tonight, we need to stop, or I may not let you leave my room." She giggled.

"Oh alright. Are we still going to grab pizza before the concert?"

"Of course. We should probably head out. Pizza first, then concert."

"Yippie!" She squealed.

"You know, you're kinda cute when you're in super fangirl mode." Well that earned me a smack on the arm.

"I'm sorry. It's just really good to see you so light and carefree. I'm glad that something I gave you is causing you so much happiness." I confessed.

"Well I am beyond excited about tonight. Do you know how long I've wanted to see Muse in concert? And then throw Metric into the mix. I don't think anything could ruin this night...unless we don't make it to the concert. So on that note, let's get out of here."

"Yes ma'am."

"And just so you know...what you give me, freely everyday, makes me more happy than you could ever know. I love you." She sighed as she pulled me down for a quick kiss.

"I love you too." I told her back. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing her say that or saying it back. After our serious moment of confessing our love, she was right back to being hyper Bella.

She grabbed her bag and I followed her out of the room. I couldn't help but admire her 'concert attire' as she called it. She was wearing a well worn but sexy as hell pair of jeans that hugged her ass and legs perfectly, a tight long sleeved shirt that she paired with a crazy looking top, and of course her Converse, but not just any pair of Converse. She bought these shoes especially for tonight. They were sparkly blue. I kid you not. She left her hair down and apparently Alice had fixed it to 'concert standards', but to me it just looked like we had just finished rolling around in my bed. Plain and simple, she was going to make my job as boyfriend and gentleman very difficult tonight.

As promised, we arrived at the venue over an hour early. In no time the lines were already starting to stretch around the building. This was going to be a sold out night. Bella was so excited that she was vibrating. She could not stand still. I finally wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tight against my body.

"Sweetheart, if you don't calm down you are going to expend all of your energy before they even let us in the building." I laughed while placing a kiss on the back of her neck. I was able to distract her a bit by asking about the wedding plans.

"Well we've narrowed the venue down to four places. My mom and Phil still can't decided if they want to stay in a resort or stay in a private residence. Of course there are a couple of options. Everyone could stay in the resort or in rented beach houses. They could also have everyone stay in a beach house and have the wedding at a resort or vice versa. With it being such short notice, I'm worried about availability but I've been assured that we will something that will accommodate all of us."

"Sounds like you girls have been busy."

"We have. I'm not sure which option is the best. That's what we are planning on narrowing down on Sunday. I have to get my dress soon too. Alice is most looking forward to that, I think. Can you believe we get to go to Hawaii in just two months? It's going to be so much fun!"

I couldn't agree more. Bella, beach, bathing suit. Yep, lots of fun. I was lost in my thoughts about how much I couldn't wait when I heard squealing and was nearly knocked over by an overly excited Bella.

"Edward, come on. They just opened the doors."

"Slow down baby. There are people in front of us. Besides, no one is getting our seats."

I had really contemplated getting general admission tickets, but then we weren't guaranteed to get close to the stage so I opted for stadium seat tickets that were practically on top of the stage. I paid a pretty penny for them but I already knew it was money well spent. I couldn't wait to see the look on Bella's face when she realized just how close we were going to be. She was going to be able to take some pretty amazing pictures of the bands. I triple checked with the arena to make sure that cameras were allowed. Finally the line started moving and Bella dragged me along behind her. The people all around us were laughing at her exuberance but for once she didn't turn cherry red.

After going through security and having our tickets scanned, we decided to go ahead and check out the merchandise booths. Since we were practically in the front of the line, we made it to the merchandise stand ahead of the crowd. Bella went a little crazy. She picked out four t-shirts for herself and one each for the rest of the gang. She picked out two for me, bought a belt buckle, key chain, and a messenger bag. I never thought I'd see Bella drop a couple of hundred dollars in less than five minutes. What I expected even less...she didn't even flinch.

"What?" She asked when she catch me looking at her slack jawed.

"Nothing...you just reminded me of Alice right then. I don't think I've ever seen you so excited about buying stuff." She laughed at me.

"Well Renee and Phil sent me concert money, against my wishes, but they told me if I didn't spend it on myself to buy my friends something. So that's what I'm doing. I would have loved for them to be able to come with us tonight, but since they can't be here I thought it would be nice to get them something."

"We could have all gotten tickets. I wish you would have told me." I sighed.

"Edward, as much as I wish our friends could experience this with us, I'm a selfish person and I'm so thrilled that it's just me and you. After all, Muse is one of the things that brought us together." She smiled.

I decided to run our bags back to the car while Bella went to the bathroom. Luckily I was able to park close to the arena so it didn't take me long to make the trip. I found Bella waiting for me at the door to our section. She had a large drink in one hand and nachos in the other.

"Still hungry?"

"Not really, but it's a concert and I can't ever go to a concert without getting nachos." She reasoned. "Plus I figured you'd help me eat them."

I grabbed the nachos from her and took her now free hand and lead her to our seats. The closer to the stage we got, the tighter her grip became. I walked her to the very first row closest to the stage and gestured for her to sit.

"Are you freaking kidding me? Edward, these seats are amazing. I guess I really don't want to know what you paid for these tickets, but thank you so much. Oh my god! Imagine how many awesome pictures I'm going to be able to take." She was vibrating again.

"Come on sweet girl. Let's sit down and get comfortable. We still have a little while before Metric takes the stage." The smile on her face made it all worth it.

We passed the time talking, kissing, and cuddling. Before we knew it the lights dimmed and Metric took the stage. Bella was instantly out of her seat, jumping up and down and screaming right along with the rest of the fans. She was continually snapping pictures and singing at the top of her lungs. When they sang "Sick Muse" and "Satellite Mind" Bella danced in circles and almost fell down a few times. I couldn't help but laugh at her but she was just so adorable. I could see a layer of sweat breaking out on her face. She quickly pulled her hair up in a pony tail and mumbled something about Alice not knowing how hot 'concert hair' would be.

Metric played for about 45 minutes and they really got the crowed pumped up for Muse. Being a recent convert to the group, I only knew a few of their songs, but they were really good.

The arena lights were turned back on and the roadies immediately started removing Metric's set and setting setting the stage up for Muse. I had heard that their set up was unbelievable and the the opening of the show was amazing. Bella's anticipation was starting to wear off on to me and I was actually getting giddy about Muse.

"Oh my gosh Edward! I can't believe I just got to see Metric live. Look at these pictures. I swear I could count nose hairs if I wanted to. I cannot believe some of these shots." She was right. Quite a few of them were beyond amazing.

It took a while for the stage to be reset but we passed the time just being with one another. We completely tuned out those around us and just focused on each other. She really was like a different person since coming back from Phoenix. There was a spark in her eyes that wasn't there before. She was still my Bella but a much happier Bella. I leaned in to kiss her when the lights went out. My lips had barely made contact when she jumped out of her seat and started screaming. It was then that I really took notice of the stage. There were three tall towers on stage and each was covered with material. As the music started playing you could silhouetted people walking up sets of stairs. The notes of Exogenesis Symphony Pt 1grew louder and the excitement of the crowed rose exponentially.

As the silhouetted people reached the very top of the stairs, they started to fall over the edge in slow motion. It was then that the curtains dropped from around the tower to reveal Matt Bellamy, Dominic Howard, and Christopher Wolstenholme...each on their on platform in the middle of each tower. The already exuberant crowd went even more nuts; myself included. They played a few songs before Matt took the time to talk to the crowd.

Bella was bouncing up and down and snapping pictures left and right. They really did know how to play to a crowd and we gave it back to them just as hard. I decided that I needed to take Bella to an outdoor concert one day so she could really jump and dance around. She was quite hyper and was having trouble staying in the little space in front of her seat, but the smile she wore, never left her face.

The band had an array of very interesting instruments. Matt's piano had lights on it that flashed and blinked in time with the music. He also had a guitar that had a keyboard on it. There was even a set of bongo type drums that lit up when they were banged on.

During 'Plug in Baby', big beach ball type things fell from the ceiling. They looked like gigantic eyeballs. You could tell that each was filled with something and after being tossed around a few times, they burst open, showering the crowd in the confetti. Bella was ecstatic that she was able to get her hands on one. It was a pretty amazing visual watching these giant beach balls explode.

They play for almost 90 straight minutes before they left the stage. The volume of the crowd grew even louder in hopes of an encore. We weren't disappointed. Muse came back out and played three more songs before exiting the stage for good. Bella never sat down for a single second and she sang each word of every song at the top of her lungs. She even used her thighs as well as parts of my body as drums. I knew we would both be sporting bruises by tomorrow.

The crowd stayed on their feet clapping and yelling until the arena lights were turned back on. Even then, people didn't want to leave. It was an amazing concert and Bella was still on her high. We hung around for a bit to let the seats above us clear out so we wouldn't have to fight much of a crowd to get out.

"Thank you so much Edward!" She squealed as she threw her arms around me. "I don't think I've ever had so much fun. That was absolutely amazing. And you won't believe some of the pictures I got. I still can't believe that I was able to bring a camera."

We made our way to the exit and then walked to the car.

"Are you ready to go back now?" I asked because I wasn't.

"Are you kidding? I'm much to hyped to even think about going back to my room. Let's go do something. Matter of fact, let's call the crew and see if they want to go out. It is a Saturday night."

"Sounds good."

She grabbed her cell phone and called Alice. As luck would have it, they were all together just hanging out. We decided to meet in the parking lot of the girls dorm. They entire gang was already waiting on us when we pulled up. Bella sprang from the car and immediately started handing out goodies. They all liked their shirts and thanked her for them.

"So what do you have in mind?" Jake asked Bella.

"Two words Jakey-Poo...Annie Oakley." That obviously meant something to the two of them because Jake burst into a huge grin.

"You are so going down!" He shouted.

"In your dreams...you remember what happened the last time you said that. Elizabeth, Katie, and I obliterated you, Quil and Embry."

"Well how was I supposed to know that you three had been sneaking off to practice." He whined.

"Anyone care to explain?" Emmett asked.

"Paintball baby!" Jake answered.

"Sweet." We all cried in unison while Jake and Bella were still trading barbs.

"There's a paintball place opened until 2 am on Saturday nights. I've been wanting to try it out but just haven't had the time. Jake used to make us play at least twice a month back in Phoenix."

"I'm warning you guys...Bella is a dead shot. I'd avoid her if I were you."

"Do we need to change? I don't want to get my clothes messed up."

"Don't worry Alice, you wear a protective jumpsuit."

Everyone piled into my car and Emmett's Jeep and we made our way to the paintball field. Jake and Angela rode with Bella and myself. Bella talked nonstop about the concert and I couldn't help but feel a bit smug that my present had brought her so much joy. Bella directed us the the paintball field and I was surprised to see that there were actually quite a few cars in the parking lot. We piled out of the cars and made our way inside. Due to the size of our group, we were told that we'd have Field B all to ourselves.

We all geared up and I had to laugh when I heard Alice breathe a sigh of relief that we were indeed given full body jumpsuits. She didn't have to worry about her clothes getting dirty. They even provided footwear if needed. A guy in his late 20's lead us out to the field and explained the rules, which were pretty straight forward. We opted against playing on teams in any combination. This was all and out war. Every person for themselves. We decided that we wouldn't play by the one hit you're out rule the first time. We paid for three different rounds, hoping that we might get a chance to play each field before the night was over.

Each person was given a different color paint so it would be easier to identify who hit whom at the end. Watching Bella pull her hair up into a bun and slip the protective goggles over her eyes was amusing...and sexy. I never knew I found camo so appealing. Once everyone was geared up, we all made our way down to the field. We were given five minutes to scope out the field, then a whistle would blow. We would then have 15 minutes to play. There were no 'knockouts' in the first round unless you ran out of ammo. Otherwise, everyone would remain on the field until the whistle blew indicating that our time was up.

I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins as I took cover behind a dilapidated wooden structure that was made secure with hay bales. I could see everyone else running for cover as well. Everyone except Bella and Jake. They seemed to have just disappeared. That shouldn't have surprised me considering how much experience they had at playing the game.

I heard the whistle blow and slowing started peeking around the corner of the structure just hoping I'd see someone dart past me. What I didn't expect was the large purple splat that exploded on my thigh.

"Game on." Bella yelled behind her as she ran towards the woods, laughing all the way.

How in the hell did she sneak up on me so quickly? I didn't even think to pick up my paintball gun and fire back. I was too stunned that I had just gotten my ass handed to me. Come on Cullen, time to man up. I knew I had to land some shots on at least Em if I were ever going to live this down.

The fifteen minutes went by quickly and i'm relieved to say that I did get quite a few hits in on people. Not really sure who, but I knew my shots were making contact. Unfortunately I looked like an artists canvas with how much color I was sporting. Once the whistle blew alerting us that our time was up, I made my way back to the meeting area. The first thing I noticed was that everyone was wearing a lot of purple and blue paint...Bella and Jake. What was most surprising was that everyone was sporting pink as well...Alice. Apparently my little sister was quite the shot herself. I was pleased to see that there was a lot of green paint on my friends too. I noticed that Bella had one green splat on her ass and I couldn't help but laugh. I marked one of my favorite things to look at.

"What's so funny?" She asked incredulously.

"Loving the color on your backside babe." I laughed.

"That was YOU! That one stung like hell Cullen. You better watch out next round." She huffed but I knew she wasn't upset.

Everyone was having a great time. As suspected, Jake and Bella were wearing the least amount of paint. Em was sporting the most.

"Oh come on guys. I'm the biggest person out there. There's a lot of me to target." He defended but he was in a great mood, even though he lost. It seemed for the most part that we were all pretty evenly matched. No one was at either a huge advantage or disadvantage. Bella and Jake being the exceptions, but I had a feeling they were taking it easy on us.

Jasper was the most quiet of the group and I could literally see the wheels turning as he planned out his strategy for the next two rounds. Angela and Rose were having a blast as well. They were each congratulating and consoling their respective boyfriends. Jake was gloating while Em was pouting.

The next round was played on Field A and it was going to be one hit you're out. Since we were already covered in paint, we decided to all get white paintballs. That was a color no one had used in the previous round. It would be easy to spot. Once again we were given a five minute head start to get familiar with the field. When the whistle blew I knew I needed to be extra vigilant. Bella had already proven she could sneak up on me without any problems.

I was having a lot of fun sneaking around the field, avoiding detection. About ten minutes into the game I saw something move to my right and I flattened myself to the ground behind a group of barrels. The figure darted past me but I was ready for them. I pulled the trigger and watched as the white splat spread across someones back. Cheap shot...yes. Did I feel bad for it...not at all. I heard them swear before they made their way off the field. I was excited that I had made it without being shot yet, knowing that time was nearly up. Just as I was starting to get cocky I felt a sting on my ass. Turning quickly I saw Bella doubled over in laughter.

"Told you I'd get you ba..." she stopped mid sentence as I heard a splat and saw the white paint on her stomach. "Damn it" she yelled as the whistle blew. She pulled her goggles off and we walked back to meet the group.

"I almost made it too. Wonder who was left standing." She said between giggles. She really was having a great time. We saw the group waiting for us and starting looking for a white splat on each of our friends.

"Holy shit!" We heard Jake shout as he made his way to Angela. "Damn babe, you did good."

We all laughed as we saw that Angela was the last man standing...err woman.

"Way to go!" Bella congratulated her.

We were all laughing as we made our way to Field C for another 'every man for himself' battle. Bella and I spent the first five minutes of that match making out behind a rusted old truck. That is until Em and Rose found us and lit us up. We separated after that to exact our revenge. I happened upon Jasper who had found the perfect spot for sniping. So I sat with him for a few minutes before he turned his gun on me.

"No fair dude!" I yelled as I ran.

"It's war. Everything is fair." He yelled at me while laughing.

I was able to unload all of my paintballs before time was up. We looked like a crazy bunch. Every inch covered in various colors of paint. My hair would never be the same. There was really no 'declared' winner at the end of the third round. We were all too covered in paint to even begin to tell who got the most hits in.

"That was incredible." Emmett bellowed as we made our way to the parking lot. "Great idea guys. We have to do that more often." He demanded.

"I agree." Alice said shocking us all. "What? It's a healthy way to let go of pent up stress and aggression. I know it felt damn good to shoot Jasper in the ass." She giggled while he looked down at her indulgently.

By the time we made it back to campus, it was pretty late. Bella could hardly keep her eyes open. The high she had been riding since the concert was fading quickly. The guys and I walked the girls to their room, laughing the whole way due to all the crazy looks we were getting. Everyone of us had multi color hair. I kissed Bella before Alice guided her to the bathroom. I laughed when I heard Alice trying to convince Bella that she just had to take a shower or her hair would never be clean again. Bella's response..."I'm starting a new trend Alice."

Jasper, Em, Jake, and I made our way back to the parking lot and made plans to get together for lunch tomorrow. The girls were going to be tied up with Renee and mom for most of the day with wedding stuff. Jasper and I jumped in my car and I drove us back to our dorm.

"That was a lot of fun. I can't believe we hadn't found that place yet. We will definitely have to do that again." Jasper was grinning.

"Agreed. Man, Bella snuck up on me during the first match and shot me before I could even register her presence. She was having such a good time."

"Well one thing is for certain. Jake wasn't kidding when he said we'd see a new Bella after they got back from their trip. She seems so much more lighter and free. I'm just glad she isn't being weighed down by the demons of her past."

"You and me both. Things are really going well for her. I know I was completely stressed out for her to go back to Phoenix but I'm so glad she did. Now she is focusing on things someone her age should be...midterms, finals, holidays, the wedding. Between my mom, Alice, and Bella...well Renee doesn't have much to do."

"I can't imagine how you are dealing with that all. I only have to hear it from Alice. You get to hear it from all three of them." He said while shaking his head in mock pity.

"Tell me about it, but at least Bella keeps it to a minimum unless I ask. But to tell you the truth, I don't mind hearing the details. It's just another step that Bella is taking to regain her life. This wedding is a good thing. Not just for Phil, Renee, and Bella, but for everyone that was involved in Phoenix. They are all coming together to celebrate a happy occasion, not gathering in hospitals, or grieving together, or going through a trial. They all deserve this. And I'm just glad that we are all lucky enough to be included."

"It's really unbelievable how quickly we all became a family. That's not something I have very much of." He trailed off but I knew it wasn't the time to dig deeper. Jasper was a very private person and I had a feeling he just revealed something that he didn't usually share with people. I had to lighten the mood.

"Well we're just all practicing for when you become family by law. Don't think I don't see how you look at my sister. It's that "forever" kind of look."

"Hello pot...like you can say much. I bet that you think about marrying Bella at least once a day...especially with all these wedding plans going on." He smirked.

"Yeah, well what do you think this is doing to my sister. My sister who has been obsessed with weddings since she came to live with us. You better watch out or before you know it, she'll have a ring on your finger."

His face was priceless, quickly shifting through fear, worry, happiness, anticipation, and finally acceptance.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." And that's how I knew that he was going to be a real member of my family in the future. He was perfect for my sister.

Sensing things were getting a bit to 'warm and fuzzy' for guy talk, Jasper changed the subject.

"So have you thought about any activities you want to try out while we are in Hawaii? I can't believe we have two whole weeks there."

"Yeah, there's a lot I want to do. Surfing and cliff diving being at the top of my list. Bella wants to see Kilauea, take a helicopter tour, go whale watching, snorkeling, see a black sand beach...you get the idea. I have a feeling that we are going to need a vacation from our vacation."

"Yeah, I can't wait to catch some waves. It's been a while since I've been on a surf board, but hopefully it's like riding a bike. I do want to just relax and hang out though. I have a feeling that things are going to get crazy over the next two months and the break is going to be very welcomed."

"I hear ya. I'm looking forward to just being lazy in the sun. We just need to calm the girls down."

"Yeah...well good luck with that. I'm already doomed. Can you picture me even attempting to calm down your sister?"

We both got a good chuckle out of that.

"Do you know where the wedding is going to be?"

"No but that is the goal for tomorrow...to pick a place. I've seen the options and I have to say, they all look pretty amazing."

Mom and Dad had decided that no matter where Renee and Phil picked...they were renting a house big enough to accommodate ten people...our group and mom and dad, for the week after the wedding. They had already talked to the bride and groom, as well as Charlie, and they all agreed that as long as my parents really wanted to do that, they had no problems with it. Billy, Charlie, Katie and her family, as well as Elizabeth's family were only staying for a week, leaving the day after the wedding.

"I still can't get over the fact that they invited all of us to go, I mean they've only met us once and yet they are acting like it is imperative for us to be there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining but it's still unbelievable. Especially the all expenses paid part."

"I agree, but no one can doubt that it's all because of Bella. Her mom, dad, and Phil have all called me since she returned from Phoenix to tell me how much they appreciate all we've done for her. I think this is their way of thanking us."

Jasper started laughing.

"They have all called me too. I think they've made the rounds. I guess it's just hard to believe that we have actually made that much of an impact on her recover...on her life. You, yeah, I can understand. And Alice too, but I just don't think I deserve their praise."

"That's where you're wrong Jasper. We've all helped her in some way. Kinda like a puzzle, just one missing piece causes the whole picture to be incomplete. But just so you know, your quiet calm and ability to read other people has helped Bella more than you know. I'm not going to break her confidences, but just know, you deserve their praise just as much as me or Alice."

"Thanks for that. I'm just glad I was able to contribute to something positive."

Once we made it back to our room, we both were pretty dead on our feet. It had been a long day and I was exhausted. Before falling asleep, I decided to send a quick text to Bella. Even if she was already asleep, she'd get it in the morning. I laughed when I picked up my phone. She beat me to it.

_Thank you so much for tonight. It was the greatest. You gave me a night I'll never forget. I love you and can't wait to see you._

_~Bella_

I sent my reply and quickly drifted off to sleep, just thanking whatever gods were up there for granting me the privilege of being so lucky as to have her in my life.

**A/N: Okay, so again I had a major fail at getting this chapter out. I lost the story for a while and couldn't get my muse back...she ran away, far away. We still aren't completely happy with this chapter but no amount of edits and rewrites brought it to a different conclusion...the muse agrees. She's back now and she and I have talked and come to a few decisions. **

**I will be wrapping this story up in the next few chapters. My plan is to get through the wedding and Hawaii. I will be writing a sequel. There are a lot of things I have planned for the group but I need time to plan and research and I don't want you to have to wait 4 months between chapters.**

**The past month and a half has been crazy for me. My husband has spent almost that whole time in Kuwait and Qatar (and no he's not military). I am traveling to Dubai with him in March and will have roughly 26 hours worth of plane rides plus additional airport wait time. My hope is to put that time to use and write.**

**Thank you for everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Also a big thank you to everyone who has added this story to their alerts. **

**Okay, now I beg. Please let me know who's still with me and how you feel about this chapter. THANKS!**


	43. Chapter 43: Shifting Tides

**I know it's been months...I'll beg forgiveness at the end of this chapter. I hope it was worth the wait.**

**I will say, I'm very nervous about this chapter because my grandma actually reads fanfiction, my story included. So Mema, here's what you've been bugging me for. Love you!**

**Chapter 43: Shifting Tides**

**BPOV**

"I'm just leaving class now. I should be there in ten minutes or so."

"Sounds good. I'll see you then. And Bella. I love you."

I couldn't help the grin the split my face in two.

"I love you too, Edward."

I closed my phone and started the walk back to my dorm. I had an early day today and had made plans to hang out with Edward. We hadn't been able to steal much alone time lately and I couldn't wait to have him all to myself. On the walk back, I let my mind wonder over the past few weeks.

_Going back to Phoenix was one of the most life healing decisions I've ever made. If I had known what a positive impact it was going to have, not only on my life, but of those around me...I would have confronted the ghosts that remained there much sooner. However, I know that if I had attempted it any earlier, the effects would not have been the same. I needed the time away to really come to terms with what happened. I had to grow before I was able to accept the realizations that I came to while there. I know now that it is true...from tragedy comes triumph. _

_With the help of my family and friends and my willingness to just accept...I can finally say that while I'm not completely past what happened; I am well on my way. I know I hold no responsibility or blame for what happened that night. I was just as much a victim as Elizabeth and Katie were. I didn't ask for James to unleash his brand of terror on me or my friends. I never thought I'd ever get to this point...but I have. It's shocking how quickly I came to these understandings. Being in Phoenix didn't allow me to heal, but once I was away from where it all happened, things started to become much clearer. Not sure if it is due to the new surroundings, my new friends, the distance I put between myself and what happened, having to actually take care of myself...whatever it was, the combination did the job._

_If it is possibly for someone's life to be perfect...at the moment, mine is. Edward and I are...well perfect. Things between us have continued to grow and only become better. Since confessing our true feelings, we have nurtured an even deeper understanding of one another. It feels like he has been a part of my life for years, not just months. We just...fit. He is the yin to my yang, the air to my fire, the earth to my water...the other half of my soul. I have it on pretty good authority that he feels the same way. Emotionally, we are connected on nearly every level. We are still taking things slowly in the physical aspect of our relationship. We both know where things are heading but we are not going to rush them, only moving forward when it feels right for both of us. That's not to say we aren't testing the boundaries though. _

_He doesn't want to push me due to the assault I suffered from James and due to the mind fuck that Jessica served up, I won't dare push him. We trust each other implicitly. We are just being cautious of the demons that still cling to us. We take things slowly and make sure that we are in a good place before continuing. We have talked about this and have decided that we would like to have a joint session with Dr. Kym. We both feel that since she has helped us struggle through coming to terms with our pasts, separately; that she is the perfect person to help guide us into our future, together. Edward and I both know that this is it for us. We are in this for the long haul. Yes, we've only known each other for a few short months and have only been together 'officially' for an even shorter time, but we just...know. Plus Alice has already informed us of the future; and you know you are to never bet against Alice._

_I never realized how much my constant negative thoughts and feelings impacted my friends. Since coming back from Phoenix, things seem to be much lighter and free. Each of my friendships have continued to grow and thrive...as a group and as individuals. If possible...Jake and I are even closer. It's a good thing that Angela and Edward trust us so much. I don't know of two other people that could deal with the relationship Jake and I have. We really lucked up with those two. _

_My dad is almost a completely different person since returning. He learned some hard truths while there, things that would disturb any parent to learn about their child, but he seemed to take them even harder than I thought he would. I never knew how much guilt and responsibility he placed on himself over that night. But by being a part of...what I now refer to as 'the healing session' he has been able to let go and move past it. Of course it took him attending therapy with Jake and I to fully let go of those feelings as well as accept Jake's role in that night and the months that followed. That session was one of the first times I had ever seen my dad cry...I mean, really cry. Even when I came to in the hospital after that night, he never shed tears like that. He was the strong one. But he couldn't hold it in anymore. He let go of two years worth of fear, anxiety, hurt, depression, guilt...you name it, and if flowed from him that day. _

_Jake stepped out of the room during that session and let me have a moment with my dad. The next session was my turn to step out and let my dad and Jake have their moment. My dad has since found a therapist in Forks, nothing long term, just someone to help him deal with the residual feelings that seem to catch him off guard. I'm glad he has that outlet. I found out that it was Esme and Carlisle that made the suggestion. They recommended _their _therapist to him. Yes, Carlisle and Esme have periodic session as well...to help them deal with the residual feelings about what Edward went through. They both suffer from immense anger that their son was put through so much. They've even talked to Dr. Kym about how they can help Edward and I continue to progress. They are truly amazing people and have become very close to Charlie and Renee. Not to mention that I already see them as my second parents._

_My dad has become a much warmer and welcoming person. He isn't so stoic and reserved anymore. Everyone is now able to see the man that I've always known. I think I can also thank Esme and Carlisle for that as well. He has seen how open they are with their feelings towards their children, plus they have experience in helping a child deal with a traumatic experience. I'm pretty sure the renewed friendship between he and my mom has helped too. Now everyone gets to see the fun, adventure seeking, and wickedly funny man that I've known my whole life._

_My mom is in complete bliss. Her daughter is well on her way to healing, her ex husband turned best friend is healing as well and they now have the relationship that they always wanted. It still catches me off guard how close my mom and dad are. But no one can deny that they work better as friends than lovers. I just wish they could have seen that years ago, but at any rate I'm lucky that I can still have both of my parents in my life without all the tension that ex's typically bring. _

_My mom is surrounded by love and happiness after reconnecting with life long friends as well as filled with anticipation of getting closer with new friends. Mostly she's just on cloud nine about getting married and having everyone who is important in her life there to witness it. To make it even more exciting...Amy, Jeff, and Aubrey would be there as well. They had recently moved across the country and their attendance was iffy, but Renee can be very persuasive. I'm so excited to see my goddaughter. I knew I had a lot to make up for, seeing as how I've been mostly MIA for nearly two years. I just know Edward will love her and I'm positive Aubrey is going to love him, as well as all of my friends. _

_I will admit...my mom can be a bit scary at times with all the wedding plans. I couldn't be happier to have Alice as a roommate. She can anticipate Renee's every whim and wish. It doesn't even need to be spoken aloud before Alice has already researched it and compiled a report on it. The wedding is going to be spectacular. Those two together are a force to be reckoned with. _

_Things have been on fast forward since arriving back from Phoenix. Between classes, practice, therapy, wedding planning, and of course spending time with Edward...I hardly have had time to breathe. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanksgiving break was just a week away and I was greatly looking forward to it. I would be spending the break at the Cullen's house. My dad had volunteered to take on some extra shifts over the holiday since he was going to be taking off the two weeks after Christmas. He didn't want me staying at the house by myself and I was completely okay with that idea. I couldn't wait to take over Esme's kitchen...well as much as she'd allow me to. I missed having a decent kitchen to cook in._

_Billy was planning to fly into Seattle in just a few days and then ride to Forks with Jake. Jake was going to then take him to La Push. Billy was seriously considering moving back to La Push and had planned to stay the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. If he could get his affairs in order during that time, then he wouldn't be going back to Phoenix to live. We all had our fingers crossed for him. Now that Jake was gone, he needed his family more than ever. And Jake and I were more comfortable with him being closer anyway. I know Charlie was eager to have his old friend home too. _

_I had my suspicions that dad had encourage Billy to stay in Phoenix while I was still there. He always felt better knowing that Jake and Billy were there for me. He knew that Renee could be quite flighty at times. Not necessarily a neglectful mother but just not at attentive as he would want her to be. Charlie didn't worry as much about me knowing that he oldest and dearest friend was there to serve as a stand in parental figure. And of course, no one could ever be a better over protective brother than Jake._

_No matter how crazy things were, Edward and I always made time for one another. The night of the Muse concert was absolutely amazing. It was by far the best present I had ever received and I'm hard pressed to think of anything that could top it. Being able to see my two all time favorite bands in the same venue on the same night was...well priceless. And the fact that I was able to share that experience with Edward made it an even more unbelievable night. Both bands were beyond phenomenal and I felt like I was walking on air for days afterwards. _

_The only thing that could make it better was spending time afterwards with our friends. Playing paintball was something that Jake, Elizabeth, Katie, and I did back in Phoenix. It took Jake a while to talk us into giving it a try but once he actually convinced us to go, there was no stopping us. I will never forget the look of utter disbelief on Jake's face, as well as Embry's and Quil's, when Elizabeth, Katie, and I handed them their asses one bright sunny afternoon. The three of us had been sneaking off on weekends to practice while Jake was hanging out with his boys. Needless to say...that was the last time they ever went easy on us._

_The weekend after I got back from Phoenix, Alice, Angela, and Rosalie kidnapped me for a girls days. This consisted of the spa, shopping, and dinner. I would never admit this to Alice, but I was starting to enjoy being pampered. I needed the time with my girls. I told them about the trip in detail and answered all their questions, never once hiding my tears from them. I had decided that I had been a stubborn ass for much too long. From now on I was going to as open and honest with my family and friends as they wanted me to be. If I had just done that from the beginning, I would have saved not only myself but my family a lot of heartache. I was learning that it was okay to ask for help and to admit weakness. In the end, it only made me stronger. _

I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt two strong arms grab me from behind. I shrieked.

"Not today missy. You're coming with us." I heard as I was being slung over someone's rock hard shoulder.

"Emmett...what the hell? Jasper...what's going on? And would you kindly ask Em to put me down?" I pleaded looking at Jasper's upside down face. Both guys were laughing at what I'm sure was a pitiful attempt at my angry face. We were drawing quite a bit of attention. It only got worse when Em slapped my ass and proclaimed..."Feisty! This ought to be fun!" I could have died.

I was ever so gracefully tossed into the back of Em's jeep and told to buckle up.

"You just wait until I tell Rose that you slapped my ass." I growled. Em laughed.

"You do that sweet pea. She'll be jealous that she didn't get to participate."

"Well just wait until I tell Alice. She's always on my side." I huffed.

"Not this time darlin'. She knows all about what's going on. And before you even start...so does Angela, Jake, and Edward."

Uggg...so I had no back up. I had expected to be ambushed by the girls…but not the guys.

"Just buckle up and enjoy. Stop being a whiny baby." Em teased.

"Fine...but if you break it...you buy it." I have no idea where that came from. It didn't even make sense but both Jasper and Emmett thought it was hilarious.

"You are one of a kind Swan." Jasper chuckled.

Just as I was getting comfortable in the backseat, my phone rang. Mr. Traitor himself was calling...

"Edward…Did you know about this?" I attempted to sound angry.

"I'm sorry?" He said hesitantly. He sounded like a little boy who was about to be yelled at. I couldn't help by laugh. "They were so excited about surprising you. I promised I wouldn't say anything about it." He pleaded.

"Fine fine, but I'll get you back."

"I'm planning on it." He teased. "I'll see you later tonight. I love you."

"Love you too, and just remember. I attack when you least expect it."

I hung up and saw that both Jasper and Emmett were staring at me with smiles on their faces. "What?" I asked and they just shrugged their shoulders and smiled bigger. Em pulled the jeep out of the parking lot and started off to god knows where. After a few minutes of driving, I couldn't take it anymore.

"So where are we going? You know, I did have plans this afternoon. You two know how busy I am." I huffed, still trying to be mad, but in reality I was kind of excited. Nothing was ever boring with these two.

"Not telling. You'll just have to wait. And stop complaining, you know you love us. Besides, you only had plans with Edward. He can wait."

Like the mature adult I was...I huffed and stuck my tongue out at Em. Of course, this sent him into fits of laughter. Jasper just continued to shake his head and chuckle at mine and Em's constant bickering and picking on one another.

"Are you sure that you two don't have at least a little DNA in common? I swear, you two act more like siblings than just about any real siblings I know."

"Well thank you Jasper. I appreciate the compliment." Em stated proudly. I couldn't help but grin back at him.

After another ten minutes of driving, we pulled into what I was informed was destination number one. So this was going to be a multi event outing. Yeah...definitely in for a good time.

"The arcade...seriously! You guys do realize that we have different plumbing don't you?" But I couldn't even fake being disinterested. This was something else that I used to do a lot of in Phoenix with Katie, Elizabeth, and Jake. I'm sure Jake had given them at least a little help in today's planning.

"Don't even act like that Swan. Jake told us that y'all used to spend a lot of time at the arcade, said you liked all the sounds and the people watching."

I realized I owed Jake big time. He may have helped them with their plans but he was still looking out for me. He left out a very important fact. I also loved playing the arcade games. I was actually able to break the high score on a few of them back in Phoenix. We've always kept that quiet though. His manly pride couldn't handle being beat by a girl. Plus, it's fun to surprise those that underestimate you. These two should have learned their lesson at paintball. Guess it's time for a refresher course.

Walking in the door threw me back to the numerous times that I had done this exact same thing with Jake. I started pulling money from my wallet to change for coins when two hands landed on my shoulders.

"Nu-uh. This is on us darlin'" Jasper smirked. "We kidnapped you, put your money away. It's no good here."

I stood to the side as Jasper and Emmett filled up their pockets with enough coins to keep us busy for hours. My phone buzzed alerting me to an incoming text message.

_Please take a picture of their faces when you whoop them._

_~Jake_

I owe you Jake. Thanks for not spilling the beans. You get to pick the meal for next week.

~Bells

_Thanks Bells! Have fun._

_~Jake_

"Come on Swan. Let the big boys show you how it's done."

"Okay, well Em, you pick first."

"Thanks Swan. Let's see...how about that basketball game."

"Sure. Maybe you can help me with my aim." I really was terrible at that game. I'd let them school me for a few games before I started showing them that you can't grow up with Jake and not know your way around an arcade.

"No problem Bells" he grinned. He and Jasper each took one of my arms and pulled me over to the basketball game. They each took a turn instructing me and quickly realized it was hopeless. I really did suck at basketball.

They had a great time laughing at my pitiful attempts to get the ball to go in the basket. After I was thoroughly embarrassed and the shade of a cherry, they dragged me over to skee ball. This was a hit or miss game for me.

"Okay Bella, I know you've seen this game before. Just roll the ball up the ramp and try to get it to go into the rings with the numbers." Jasper told me before demonstrating. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was talking to me like I was four, but he had the most adorable expression on his face.

"Thanks Jazz, I think I got it." I took the ball and rolled it up the ramp...and wouldn't you know. I got 50 points on the first roll. Of course that was just a fluke. I either rolled the balls too hard or too soft. Like I said, I was hit or miss at this game. I did end up landing a few 10's and one 20 but that was it.

It was my turn to choose a game so I lead them over to Donkey Kong. I was average at this game. Emmett was damn near an expert. Jasper and I stood in awe of Em. Jasper even went as far as getting on the ground and 'bowing to the king of DK', I was in tears laughing at the two of them.

I'd finally had enough of playing around and decided it was time to start showing them what I was really capable of.

I started with Rock Band because they already knew I was good at that game. Then it was over to Street Fighter II. I was decent at the game but Jazz schooled us both. Next was Pac-Man and I owned them, which completely shocked them both. We then each tried our hand at Galaga followed by Star Wars. We were all evenly matched at those. I then dragged them to Tetris...they didn't even bother to try to beat my score, I made it into the top ten. I took them both out when we played Tehkan World Cup, it had always been one of Elizabeth's favorites. By this time they were well aware that I didn't just 'observe' in Phoenix.

"That little shit. He's going to get it when we get back. Bros before hoes." I heard Emmett mumble.

I couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face...and I snapped the picture for Jake.

"First of all Em...Jake is anything but little. And secondly, I bet he'd make you eat those words if he heard you say that. It may be bros before hoes, but blood is always thicker." His eyes got huge causing me to laugh even harder.

"Bells, I'm just playing. I just can't believe he set us up."

"You should have learned after paintball. Plus, Jake will always look out for me. And if it makes you look like an ass, well it's a win win." I smiled while Em tried to glare...but he couldn't help but smile back at me.

"You're right about that, now let's find something that may lift Em's spirits. He hates to be outplayed, and being outplayed by a girl..." Jasper said as he winked at me.

"Fine, Em...you can pick."

"Mario Racing. I love that game." Jasper and I took turns racing Em. Jasper was awful at that game. I wasn't much better, which seemed to cheer Em up. We played a few more racing games and some shoot em up games, as he called them, before deciding it was time to go.

"Before we leave, can we play air hockey? I've always had fun with that game." I didn't tell them that I had only lost that game a handful of times. I may not be that good at basketball or skee ball, but I owned air hockey. I can thank Leah for that. She taught me well.

"Sure, it's your night after all." Jasper lead me over to the air hockey table and put the money in.

"Who's up first?" I asked.

Jasper decided to give it at go. Let's just say the game was over quickly.

"Hells Bells, where did that come from?" Em was laughing at the stunned look on Jasper's face...which I took a picture of.

"Beginners luck?"

"I'm not buying that sweetheart. You are just full of surprises, aren't you?. Em, you give it a go."

"Sure, why not." But he looked too smug. He thought he was going to beat me. "I've played this game since I was tall enough to reach the table." He grinned. I'll show him.

Three games later...he had only managed to score a total of seven times. We had drawn a small crowd due to Emmett's loud protests and my squeals of delight. Finally Emmett threw his hands up in defeat and the small crowd cheered for me. I, of course, turned bright red. Instead of the gloomy look I expected to see on Em's face, he looked pleased as punch and full of pride. He winked at me before throwing his arm around my shoulder. Jasper was still staring in disbelief. He finally snapped out of it and started giving Em hell.

"Come on. Phase two is about to start." Em laughed as he pulled me through the crowd. "We have to come back and bring everyone else. That was a blast."

"Yeah it was. Thanks so much for bringing me here. I had forgotten how much fun that was."

"We just won't tell anyone about my utter defeat...k Bells?" He pleaded as he gave me puppy dog eyes.

"Too late." Jasper laughed. He pulled out his phone and started playing a clip of me destroying Em.

"You suck Jazz." Em pouted.

"Oh suck it up. You're just pissed you got decimated and by none other than our Bells. You really are full of surprises Bella. Edward is a lucky man." He winked at me. We were all still laughing when we crawled back into Em's jeep and I was still blushing at Jasper's innuendo.

"So where to now?" I asked, knowing I wouldn't get an answer.

"You'll find out when we get there." And that was that. Em turned on some music and within seconds we were all singing along to Weird Al's 'White and Nerdy'. Yeah, it really was as funny as you imagine it to be.

Destination number two was, to my surprise, the mall. They needed help with their Christmas shopping. I was impressed that they were planning so far ahead. Most of the males I knew always waited until the last minute. I figured I'd pick up a few things while I was here as well. They actually already had pretty good ideas for the people on their lists. They mostly wanted my input on things for my family, including Jake. No matter how many times I told them that they did not need to buy my family gifts, they refused to listen.

"I figured Rose and Alice would be helping you pick out Christmas presents."

"Well they agreed that you would be more help at picking out things for your family. They'd never trust just us to pick out something appropriate." Em laughed.

"Yeah...Charlie doesn't need a pair of fuzzy handcuffs." I snickered and Em actually blushed.

"That's what Rosie said too." He mumbled and I nearly fell on the floor.

Shopping with Jasper and Emmett was nothing like shopping with the girls. They were in and out quickly. Before I knew it, we were loading bags into the back of the jeep and making our way to get supper. We decided on something quick and easy...pizza. Up until this point, nothing had been said about my trip back to Phoenix or the impact it has had on me. After placing our order Jasper broke the silence on that topic.

"So Bells, we aren't going to linger but we just want to know how things are going and if there is anything we can do to help your continuing progress." I glanced at Emmett and he had a very serious look on his face, nodding in agreement.

"Guys, I really appreciate your concern more than you'll ever know. I'm doing really well. Things are better than they've been in a really long time and I only see them getting better. I'm not really sure what to tell you so how about you ask any questions you have and I'll answer them. Don't hold back. Part of my new attitude is to not hold anything in. If you want to know...ask." I saw the look in Em's eye..."And not I'm not answering any questions about _that_ Em."

"Wha...how...I didn't say anything." He defended.

"You didn't have to." I laughed.

"Fine fine."

So we spent the rest of supper talking about different aspects of my trip and recovery. They didn't ask nearly as many questions as the girls did but I knew they cared just as much. After I answered all their questions, our conversation turned to the trip to Hawaii.

"Have your mom and Phil decided on a location for the wedding?" Jasper asked around a bite of pizza.

"They have narrowed it down to two places. They are planning on picking the final place this week. I'm really surprised that they've found so many places with enough occupancy to house all of us. I will tell you that either place is amazing and we are going to have a blast."

"I still can't believe your mom and Phil invited all of us and are paying for everything." Jasper spoke as if he were in awe.

"Well believe it mister. I think they are just thrilled that I have made such good friends and that I'm in a much better place than I was, even just four months ago. This trip isn't just a celebration of their love and marriage but of my progress. They want to share this experience with those that have been such a big part of my recovery and happiness."

"You know Bells, you have an awesome family."

"You're right Em, I do. I think that's another reason Renee wants all of you there. She was always pretty flighty and acted more like a friend than a mother to me while I was growing up. She loved to be surrounded by all of my friends. We aren't part of a large family so there aren't aunts, uncles, and cousins galore, so my friends have always been our family. She treated Katie, Elizabeth, and Jake as her own and really started acting more like a parent the older we got. After what happened last year…well my mom's whole attitude has changed. She is still carefree and fun loving, but she is much more responsible and actually likes to play the role of a parent. She lost Elizabeth and essentially lost Katie, Jake, and I as well. I think she's just thrilled to be gaining such a wonderful and large brood to call her own. And make no mistake about it…Renee has claimed our entire group. So I'll go ahead and warn you now, she's just as bad if not worse than Alice."

Both the guys looked scared. I couldn't help but laugh at the looks on their faces.

"That's pretty intense Bella. But we can handle it." Jasper assured me. "Now, is there anything special we need to get for this trip?"

"As far as I know all you'll need to bring is your bathing suits, sunscreen, casual clothes and any entertainment you may need for the plane ride. The rest is being taken care of by the parents and your girlfriends. They know the type of clothing you will need."

We had just finished up our pizza when all of our phones started buzzing.

"Looks like you guys have had me long enough." I smiled as I saw the text from Edward.

_Are they finished with you yet? I haven't had my Bella time today. And I think I've shared you plenty._

_~Edward_

Both Jazz and Em were shaking their heads at the texts they received.

"Yeah, you're right. The girls are screaming for us to bring you back…something about Renee and wedding plans."

"Save me now…please!"

"We tried Bells. But hey, we did get you a few hours of reprieve."

"Well I can't deny that. Okay boys, take me home."

The ride back to the dorms was filled with lots of laughter. I always knew Emmett was a big goof, but Jasper has really come out of his shell as of late. He is just as funny as Em. Alice has her a great guy. And I feel like I've gained yet another brother figure. Jake, Emmett, and Jasper have a lot in common but each of them fulfills a 'brotherly' role. Jake is my protector, my shoulder to cry on, my sunshine. Em is my prankster, my partner in crime, my go to guy when no one else wants to participate in my crazy schemes. Jasper has turned out to be the person I can go to for sound advice, the wiser older brother type. He can calm me down almost as easily as Jake can. Again, I have been blessed with a wonderful support system...a family.

"Thanks guys for kidnapping me today. I had a really great time."

"Us too Bells." Em smiled.

"We're just glad things are going so well for you. Just know that we are both here for you if you need an escape." Jasper stated.

I didn't have words so I just smiled and gave them both hugs. Of course, Em threw me over his shoulder again and made a run for the dorm entrance. He can't go anywhere without calling attention to himself...and right here lately...me. He was still carrying me when Jasper knocked on my suite door. Edward must have been waiting by the door because when it opened I was unceremoniously dropped in his arms.

"I think this belongs to you. We found her wondering around." Em laughed.

"Very funny you big lug." I scowled as Edward juggled me in his arms.

Jasper and Em made their way into the common room, leaving Edward and me alone.

"Hey baby." He crooned before kissing me.

"Hey to you too. What have you been up to this afternoon?"

I hadn't been paying attention so I was surprised when he put me down on my bed.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Alice will keep them occupied for just a few minutes. I just wanted to have a little alone time before she regals you with all things wedding."

"I have no problem with that at all. Matter of fact...think we could sneak out and not have me suffer through Alice at all?"

"I wish, but she'd track us down. I guarantee it."

"I know. Damn pixie. It's like she has low jack on us or something. So what did you do this afternoon?"

"I spent an hour in the practice room after my last class and then met the gang for supper. Mom called Alice today and gave her some more detail on Thanksgiving so Alice shared with the whole group. Don't worry...she'll fill your ears full in just a little while. But nothing major, as far as Thanksgiving goes."

"Okay, enough talk. Alice isn't going to be patient much longer." I sighed as I brought his lips to mine. I was right about the patient part...I got five minutes before she burst into the room. The fact that I was laying on my back with Edward hovering over me didn't even slow her down.

"Bella, you've had enough time. Come be sociable. We have things to discuss."

"But Alice..." I whined around Edward's lips. He was even more reluctant than I to pull away. "I haven't had hardly anytime at all with Edward over the past week." She knew how true that was too and I think that's what made her take pity on me.

"Okay Bells. How about this? Give me thirty minutes and then you are free to do whatever with my brother for the rest of the night...just don't tell me about it." She giggled.

"Deal!" Both Edward and I answered.

As promised, thirty minutes later, Edward and I were back on my bed. Jasper and Alice were going to walk to the ice cream shop on campus to give us some alone time.

"So, sounds like the wedding is almost completely planned."

"I guess so. According to Alice, we'll find out tomorrow the location. Renee wants to tell all the girls at the same time, so my mom has planned this big video conference. I swear, sometimes I feel like we are trying to find the formula for world peace. But what else should I expect from the combined forces of Renee and Alice."

"I still can't believe that instead of freezing our asses off in dreary Forks, I'll get to watch your sexy ass in a sexy bikini. Win win."

"You perv."

"You like it."

I scoffed, but before I could respond, Edward claimed my lips and didn't stop until we both needed to breath. I wasn't able to stop the moan that left my lips as I felt his hands sliding up my sides. He continued to trail soft kisses along my neck and didn't stop until he reached the edge of my shirt...which just happened to be low cut, and exposed just a hint of cleavage.

He's eyes met mine and I knew what he was asking. I nodded my head, letting him know that I was okay with where things were going. Just as he started to pull my shirt over my head...someone knocked on the door.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Edward swore.

I totally agreed. Didn't everyone know that this was a no enter zone at the moment. I was more than ready to start moving things forward at a more accelerated pace.

"I know baby, I feel the same way." I sighed. He removed his hands from the hem of my shirt but didn't bother to move otherwise. Alice walked in looking sheepish, a look Alice never wears. She came to a dead halt when she saw the looks on our faces. If I didn't know any better, I would swear that Edward and Alice were having a conversation telepathically. She first looked amused, which quickly turned to guilt, and then horror.

"What are you doing to Alice?" I asked, half amused and half worried for my best friend.

That caused Alice to laugh, breaking the tension in the room.

"I'm so sorry. It's getting ready to rain and Jasper and I didn't want to risk getting caught in the thunderstorm. We can already see lighting in the distance and can hear the thunder. He's waiting for you Edward so you don't have to walk back by yourself. I'm really sorry." And by the look on her face, she really was.

Edward laid down beside me and whispered in my ear.

"I promise that I will make sure we have some alone time in the very near future. This is getting crazy. I just need to have time with you...alone." He voice was deep, husky, and it didn't help my situation...AT ALL.

The fact that I could feel just how worked up his was, was torture.

"Please..." was all I could say.

"Alice, can you give me like...five minutes, to say goodbye to Bella."

"Sure." She said as she quietly backed out of the room.

"We're getting our own place next year." Edward blurted out.

"Excuse me?" I was shocked, but thrilled at the prospect, then terrified because Charlie, despite how much he liked Edward, would kill him. "Charlie would never allow that to happen."

"I mean all of us Bella. Although having a place for just you and me sounds like heaven right about now. At least there won't be any kicking people out of bedrooms just to have some alone time, even if we are all living under the same roof. Things will just be easier that way. Alice will take care of everything." He was suddenly in a much better mood. He kissed me hard on the mouth before jumping up and putting his shoes on.

"I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"Love you too." It was my turn to lay claim to his lips. I intended for it to be a simple peck...but once our lips touched, we both had other ideas.

"Good grief. You two are getting just as bad as Em and Rose." Alice chuckled.

"Nobody can ever live up to them." I laughed.

"Get going Edward. Jasper is waiting for you."

"Night ladies. Oh and Alice, we gotta have a talk." He smirked at me while Alice gave him a curious look as he walked out the door.

"Okay, what was that about?"

"He is determined we are all going to live together next year. But as much as Charlie likes Edward, I don't think he'll approve. If it were just the girls or even just me and Jake, it would be fine. But I'm pretty sure he'll never agree to it as long as Edward will be living under the same roof as I am."

"He should know I'm already on top of things. Sometimes he forgets who his sister is." Alice was mumbling.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh Bells, I've already been working on this. I told you the first weekend here that we were going to live together next year. After everyone paired off, I knew what needed to be done. I've already been talking to mom and dad about it. And yes, I've already talked to Charlie and Renee as well. Jeez, you two give me no credit what so ever." She grinned.

"You...what...how...WHAT?" I stuttered.

"Just know that everything will be taken care of. It will all be in the open. Nobody will have to hide anything from the parents. And we will all be very happy with the arrangements. Remember...never..."

"Bet against Alice. I know."

I got ready for bed quickly knowing I needed to get some sleep. Between Alice and Renee, tomorrow was going to be busy.

Busy was an understatement. Between classes, practice, revising a paper, and studying...I was already walking around like a zombie, and the big reveal was still to come. It didn't help that I hadn't been sleeping well due to being so busy. My mind tends to not shut down at night when I have a lot going on, so my sleep suffers. I felt like I was dragging a hundreds pounds behind me when I walked into the suite. Edward and I had managed to grab a quick lunch together but that was about it. I was quickly becoming irritated with the lack of 'Edward time' I was getting. I was just thankful that Thanksgiving break was just a few days away. My last class was on Tuesday. So were Edward's, Jasper's, and Rose's. Edward and I were planning to drive to Forks on Tuesday night. Billy would be flying in on Tuesday as well but would be staying in Seattle until Jake's classes were finished.

Esme had decided to cook three separate meals for Thanksgiving. One for the family and one each for the police station and the hospital. She was planning to deliver food to the hospital and police station for lunch. The family meal would be held at dinner time. She needed all the help she could get. Since I love to cook and don't get the opportunity to do it nearly as much as I'd like, Edward and I decided to go home early to help out. The other's would be arriving around dinner time on Wednesday. That would give Esme and I some of Tuesday night, depending on how late it was when we got in, and all of Wednesday to prepare.

I was surprised to learn that everyone's parents were okay with their children spending Thanksgiving and Christmas in Forks with the Cullen's. Not to mention New Year's in Hawaii. Through talking with Alice, I found out that Jasper wasn't all that close to his family. Something to do with his relationship with his step dad and the lack of relationship with his mom due to that fact. I told her that she didn't need to elaborate, that it was Jasper's story to share, if and when he chose to. But it did make his reaction to being included in so much 'family' stuff a little more clear.

Emmett and Angela's parents were actually taking a mini vacation together for the holidays. Em and Ang told us that the holidays were never a huge deal with their family. Rose usually traveled home for all big holidays, but her parents were very understanding about the situation. I had given Rose permission to tell her parents as much of my story as she needed to in order to explain the importance of her being with us for the holidays. They mentioned potentially coming to Seattle sometime before Christmas break. But they did make her promise to bring at least Emmett home for Spring Break. They even offered to host the entire gang if we were up for it. I was conflicted. I had wanted to take everyone to Phoenix for spring break. But Rose assured me that we would work something out.

Walking into the bedroom I grabbed a bottle of water and an apple before heading to the common room and plopping down in front of the TV. Rose and Angela were already there.

"You look exhausted Bells. Is everything okay?" Angela asked in her most motherly voice.

"I'm good, just a bit tired."

"Is that all?" She pressed.

"It's just been a long few months. And things have just seemed to speed up since I got back from Phoenix. I can't seem to catch a break. Between mom's wedding, studying, practicing, my private lessons, therapy, spending time with the gang, and trying to spend time with Edward...yeah, I'm tired. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I get a nice break for Thanksgiving and just a few short weeks after that it's Christmas break, and then we get to go to Hawaii for two whole weeks." I smiled a genuine smile at that thought.

"Yes and as soon as we get back from Thanksgiving break, it will be time to do some major shopping for our trip." Alice contributed as she strolled into the room.

"But we've been shopping...several times in fact, for this trip." I complained. I was getting used to and even starting to enjoy shopping. But this was getting ridiculous.

"Oh hush Bella. I know we've gotten most of what we need but there are still a few special things we need to pick up." She smirked and I knew that smirk. That smirk was trouble and typically meant bad things for me...which usually turned out to be good things in the end. I just signed and gave up. No one ever wins against her anyway.

"So what time does this meeting start?"

"We have a few minutes. I had Jasper connect the computer to the TV. That way we can all be comfortable during this chat."

"That's good. I was getting tired of crowding around the computer." Rose agreed.

I don't remember when I drifted out of the conversation but the next thing I was aware of was whispering around me. I heard my mom's voice.

"Is she okay?"

"She says she is, but you know Bells. She never wants anyone to worry about her. She hasn't slowed down since she got back. Seems like things just keep getting busier and busier for her." I could hear the concern in Alice's voice.

"She's started to look run down too Renee. And I don't mean that in a mean or bad way. She's looking paler than normal and she's got dark circles under her eyes." Rose told my mom. I didn't want to alert them that I was awake, so I laid still.

"Oh dear. I hope she doesn't make herself sick. If she gets too stressed and doesn't get enough sleep, she'll get sick. She tends to forget to eat when she gets like that too. And that doesn't help the situation at all." I could hear how worried my mom was.

"Don't worry Renee, I'll make sure she gets some rest and good food while she's here over Thanksgiving. Heck, all I have to do is mention it to Edward and the poor girl won't be allowed to even get out of bed without his help." All the girls laughed at this. But it was nothing but the truth. He had already been pestering me about how busy I've been lately and the lack of care I was taking of myself.

I decided their laughing was a good excuse to 'wake up'.

"What are you all laughing at? Is there drool on my chin or something?" I asked as I stretched.

"Hey sweetie."

"Hi mom. So let's get this started. We've got quite a few anxious guys who can't wait to find out where we are going to be vacationing at. Yeah...and a bunch of impatient females too." That earned me three pillows to the head.

"Hey, don't hurt the maid of honor." My mom chuckled. "Okay, so first of all, I want to thank all of you for everything you have done for me so far. I can't believe how quickly all the details are falling into place. I couldn't have done any of this without all of your opinions and suggestions."

"Well I've had a blast Renee." Alice chirped. Everyone else chimed in as well.

"Mom, just tell us." I was overly excited and wide awake. I had managed to catch a second wind.

"We have decided to have the wedding at Paradise Cove. It will be a private ceremony on the beach close to sunset. Afterwards, we'll all attend the luau that Paradise Cove puts on. They are going to have us set up at private tables though, since the Luau is a public event. I'm so excited for you girls to check out the website."

Alice was already on her computer, typing away. It was amazing, beautiful. It was going to be a wonderful wedding.

"Are we going to be staying there as well?" I asked.

"Nope, we actually decided to stay at the Turtle Bay Resort. We are getting Villa's for everyone. There is a lot to do at the Resort and there is a lot to do in the surrounding areas as well. We'll have lots of opportunities to do things together, but you are all adults and the 'older' adults know that you younger ones will want to go off and do your own thing at times too. We're perfectly fine with that. That's one of the reason we chose this resort. Lots and lots of options."

Again, Alice's fingers flew across the keys and soon we were looking at the accommodations at Turtle Bay.

"Wow mom. This looks amazing."

"Well Phil and I really wanted this to be special for everyone and we both agreed that this was the perfect place."

After a few more minutes of admiring the ceremony location as well as the resort...talk soon turned to my dress.

"Have you had any luck finding a dress yet Bells?"

"Honestly mom, I haven't even had a chance to go look. I promise I'll do it this weekend. I just haven't had anytime to get off campus, other than to go see Dr. Kym." I apologized feeling extremely guilty for not finding a dress yet.

"It's okay sweetheart. You know I'll like whatever you find. Just use the card that Phil and I sent you when you do find it."

I was stressing out just thinking about finding the perfect dress for my mom's wedding. My dad and Jake had it so easy. As weird as it sounded...my dad was going to be Phil's best man. Jake was going to walk my mom down the aisle and give her away. The guys were going to wear khaki colored pants and white linen shirts. No one in attendance was going to be allowed to wear shoes.

The stress on my face must have been visible because Alice quickly took charge.

"Actually Bella, I hope you don't get mad, but I scheduled a few appointments for this weekend to go look at dresses." I could have cried...happy tears of course.

"Thanks Alice."

After ten more minutes we said goodbye, making plans to talk on Saturday, after dress shopping.

I didn't want to get off the couch, it felt so good, but I had a paper to finish for my English class, a composition to analyze for my theory class, and I had a few more chapters to study as well. I wasn't going to eat supper tonight. Oh well.

"I'll see you girls later. I've got a lot to finish tonight. Thanks again for all your help with my mom's wedding. And thanks Alice for taking care of the dress thing for me."

"No problem Bells. Hey, are you sure you don't have time to go grab something to eat?"

"Thanks Ang, but I've got to get this paper finished. I have to turn it in on Friday. Plus a list a mile long of other things that require attention."

"Want us to bring you anything?"

"I'm good Rose. I promise."

They all three gave me disapproving looks, but I turned around and walked into my bedroom. I had a text from Edward inviting me to dinner but I turned him down as well. Which was harder than turning the girls down. He said he'd come over later so I could fill him in about the trip.

I pulled out my laptop and started working on my English paper. This was the last big paper of the semester. Once back from Thanksgiving break, all of our time would be spent working on an oral presentation that would take the place of the final written exam. At least the oral presentation was a group project and my group was pretty much done. We had each taken a separate piece of the project. All we had left to do was meet and figure out how to present it.

After about an hour, I had finished the paper and was greatly pleased with the finished product. I took a bathroom break, checked my email, and then started on my Music Theory homework. I was almost finished with it, when there was a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" Asked the most beautiful voice in the world as Edward peeked his head in my room.

"Absolutely. Have you come to carry me away from all the stress of papers, compositions, and weddings?" I joked.

"As you wish..." he laughed. We had recently watched The Princess Bride and I mentioned how I loved the double meaning of that phrase. Since then, he says it all the time. It's too sweet.

"Well in that case..." I stood up and walked over to him and threw my arms around his neck. "Take me away."

He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I was really hoping he was going to carry me over to my bed, but to my disappointment he walked towards my door.

"This isn't really what I had in mind." I mumbled and he groaned as he walked through the door.

"Bella, as much as I'd love to throw you on that bed and...relax...I think you need to eat. You haven't been taking care of yourself lately and I'm worried about you babe."

"Edward..."

"Please, for me? I don't want you getting sick and having to spend Thanksgiving break miserable." He pleaded. And I couldn't fight those eyes or that pouty lip.

"Fine, you win. But will you throw me on the bed later?" I smirked at him.

"As you wish..."

He shifted me to his back and then walked out of my room. For once the suite was quiet and empty. Edward carried me into the hall and then to the elevator. He didn't put me down, despite all the stares we were getting, until we reached the doors of the dining hall.

"Nothing fancy, but there's food here." He laughed.

"You're so romantic."

"I try."

We ate a quick dinner and I was sure to eat until I was stuffed. I knew that Edward, and everyone else was right. I needed to start taking care of myself. I was just lucky that Jake had been so busy lately and hadn't had a chance to really hang out with me. He would have already sat on me and forced food down my throat...he's done it before. I even had ice cream for dessert.

As promised, Edward took me back to my room and threw me on my bed. I filled him in on all the details that Renee revealed earlier in the afternoon. He grabbed my laptop and quickly started browsing websites.

"This is going to be incredible Bella. Can you believe that we are actually going to Hawaii right after Christmas? Unbelievable! Of course, I'd be just as happy spending that time in Forks, as long as you were with me."

"Oh shut up. You KNOW you'd rather be in Hawaii." I tickled his side.

"Okay okay...you're right. I'd rather be in Hawaii. As long as you're there with me."

He closed my laptop and then placed it on the floor before he propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over me. We just stared into each other's eyes. As if a switch had been flipped, I quickly pushed him onto his back and crawled on top of him. I had never felt this much intensity before and I was anxious to put into action what I had been thinking about recently. My lips found Edward's already parted and I quickly darted my tongue into his mouth. He let me take control and I sat a slow steady rhythm to start with, but that quickly turned more frantic.

He slid his hands under my shirt and started stroking my back and then dipped his hands underneath the waist of my pants. He looked at me to make sure I was okay with his actions. I nodded and continued kissing him. When he squeezed my ass I thought I would lose it. I slowly broke the kiss, panting for air and continued kissing down his jaw to his neck. When I reached the collar of his shirt, I was pissed that I couldn't reach anymore of his skin. I sat up abruptly and he followed. My hands went to the hem of his shirt. I stopped to make sure it was okay and he nodded his head. I yanked it over his head, faster than even I anticipated. His hands went to the hem of my shirt and then he hesitated.

"I'm okay Edward. I promise."

"Hold on." He sounded pained.

I thought I had done something wrong and began to panic.

"No, baby. Stop it. I just want to see when Alice is going to be back." He found his phone and texted Alice. Just a few seconds later she texted back and Edward smiled.

"She's working on a group project and won't be back until late tonight. She'll text before she gets here."

"Thank god." I sighed. My shirt was on the floor before I could even comprehend what was going on. The frantic mood began to subtly shift into a slower pace. Knowing that we had time alone caused us both to slow thing down and enjoy one another. Edward just took a moment to gaze at me. I could feel my cheeks heating up. So far our activities had remained on top of clothes, which had stayed on our bodies. This was new territory for us.

"You're so beautiful Bella. I'm so lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one Edward." He reached up and pulled me down into a passionate kiss. Sitting up and feeling bold, I reached around my back and started to undo my bra. I kept waiting for my nerves to kick in...they never did.

"Can I do that...please?" He looked so excited at the prospect that I giggled. I nodded my head and his hands took the place of mine. Seconds later, my bra had joined my shirt on the floor. I had never been this exposed to someone, and yet the panic never came nor did the embarrassment I was so sure would surface. Edward took a moment to just look at me and then hesitantly moved his hands towards my exposed breast. I smiled at him, letting him know that I was with him all the way. It amazed me that even in his eagerness, he still made sure that I was okay with his actions.

He slowly brought his hand to rest on my chest, in between my two mounds of flesh. I knew he could feel how fast my heart was beating at his touch. After a few moments, his hands cupped my breast and he gently squeezed before caressing them. It was driving me crazy. I threw my head back and couldn't help the moan that escaped. He spent a few minutes mapping my flesh with his hands. Nothing had ever felt so good, that is until I felt his mouth take the place of one of his hands. His free hand pressed into my back, pulling me closer to him. I lost my breath when he circled my nipple with his tongue. Without thinking, I tangled my hands into his hair to hold him in place, never wanting the feeling to end.

"Mmmm...Edward." He groaned at my proclamation.

"You have no idea what that does to me, to hear you say _my_ name like that." He groaned. Of course, I could _feel_ what I was doing to him and it gave me such a rush to know that it was _me_ causing him to react this way.

"I think I have some idea." I emphasized my point by rolling my hips against him. Edward's hands went to my hips and he dropped his head onto my shoulder. I could feel his hot breath against my neck as his breathing started to accelerate.

"That feels so fucking good baby."

And it did. Even through all the layers of fabric, I could feel him moving against me and he was hitting just the right spot. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to feel more of him. I knew I was getting ready to push our boundaries even farther, but I knew I wouldn't regret it. Not one bit. But I also wanted us to slow down so we could enjoy it more fully. Alice wouldn't be back for a while and I wanted to take advantage of this rare opportunity of alone time as well as my sudden burst of courage and boldness.

"Edward, lay back for me." He looked at me confused but complied with my request. I stood up beside the bed and started to unbutton my pants. His eyes grew wide and his mouth was gaping open.

"Is this okay Edward. I understand if it's not." I really did.

"It's more than okay. But I don't want you to do anything you aren't ready for."

"I'm ready for this. I don't if I'm ready for everything but I'm more than ready to be closer to you." I knew by his smile that he was truly ready to move forward as well.

"Can I do that?" He asked again while sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed. Reaching out, he grabbed my hips and pulled me to him. His lips immediately reattached themselves to my left breast where he started place soft kisses. He took my nipple in his mouth once again and I could feel tingles in my lower belly. My panties were already soaked and he had hardly touched me. He gently traced from my shoulders, down my back, and to the edge of my pants. Sliding his hands around, he found the button and popped it open and then slide the zipper down, torturously slow. He pushed them to the floor, kissing from between my breast to my belly button all the while. He left my panties on, although I knew he could see how turned on I was.

"God Bella...is this really what I do to you." His voice was huskier than I'd ever heard it as he lightly touched the outside of my boy shorts, applying more pressure as he reached my apex.

"Fuck..." I muttered. I was about to lose it and I wasn't ready for that. I wanted this to last. I mean, he still had his pants on...no fair. "Yes, that is exactly what you do to me." I managed to pant out.

I couldn't stop myself from crawling in his lap and pressing myself hard against him. I trailed my hands down his chest to the button on his jeans. He knew what I wanted and laid back on the bed. His pants were on the floor before he could blink. He had rearranged himself on my bed so he was laying longways on it instead of sideways. This was as exposed as we'd ever been around the other...nothing but underwear on.

I laid next to him, wanting to feel his skin against mine, wanting to feel his heat, his hands on my body. He turned to face me and we once again locked lips. His hands trailed up and down my back, my arms, my sides, my thighs. I couldn't help but trace the contours of his chest and stomach. I wanted so badly to keep trailing my hand lower, but I didn't know what I was doing. I admit, I was nervous as hell but not scared.

I threw my leg over his hip and pulled him closer to me. I could feel his hardness pressing against me and my heart sped up.

"Is this what I do to you?" I asked, repeating his earlier question as I pushed myself closer to him.

"My god, that and so much more." He moaned in his husky voice. He wrapped his hand around my knee and pulled it further around him, bringing us even closer together.

"Is the door locked?" I squeaked out. He nodded his head and chuckled at my random question. With that worry vanquished, I went back to his lips pouring everything I felt into the kiss. I trailed kisses down his chest and found that his nipples were just as sensitive as mine were. Repeating my earlier action, he tangled his hands into my hair to hold me in place. I took a chance and bit down lightly and his hips jerked in response and his fists tightened their hold in my hair. I swear I got wetter. Who knew I was into hair pulling...

"Like that?" I asked while I bit down gently once more.

"You have no idea."

His words and actions encouraged me to keep going, so I drug my lips down his chest until I reached his belly button. I hesitated but figured I'd come this far. My lips followed the light dusting of hair that traveled down from his belly button and disappeared beneath his boxers. I lightly ran my tongue along the elastic band, dipping underneath it just slightly. That really got a reaction. As much as I wanted to continue, my nerves got the best of me. Instead, I found the indented 'V' close to his hip bone and began to place long hard kisses there...okay so yeah, I was marking him as mine. He wasn't complaining. My hands rubbed up and down his legs while I was doing this and by accident...honestly, my hand brushed over the rather large bulge in his boxers. He hissed at the contact and then moaned.

He had reached his breaking point and he quickly flipped me onto my back. After giving me a breath taking kiss, he scooted to the end of the bed and picked up my right foot. He massaged my calf while placing sweet kisses on the top of my foot and then moved up my leg to my knee, then to my inner thigh. I was praying he would move just a little higher, but he didn't. He was teasing me and I learned something else about myself. I didn't mind that kind of torture. He laid my right leg back on the bed and then repeated the process on my left leg. Again, he skipped over the place I wanted to feel him the most. He licked at my belly button before kissing each hip bone, leaving his own marks behind. He returned to my breast and lavished them with kisses and licks before brining his lips back to mine. His hands had been just as busy as his lips the entire time. It wouldn't surprise me if he were able to draw a map of my body after this night. His hands and mouth had thoroughly explored _almost _every inch of my body.

I felt like I was in an inferno with no idea how to cool the flames. Well, yes I did know how to cool the flames, but I wasn't sure how to ask for what I wanted. This was all so new to me. I had no experience and I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of Edward and ruin the moment. I didn't realize I had been mumbling during my internal ramblings.

"Please what Bella?" Edward asked seriously. It appears I was begging...and I was okay with that.

"Touch me." The words rolled off my tongue before I could even think about what I wanted to say.

"Are you sure?" He was hesitant to continue but I could see the fire and hunger in his eyes.

"Yes, more than anything. Please." I begged again. The pressure that had been building up was only intensifying and I needed the dam to break.

"As you wish." He whispered in my ear, in a tone I had never heard from him before. It was liquid sex, that's the only way it could be described. He lowered his hand to the top of my panties before slowly slipping it beneath the elastic band. I could tell his movement would be restricted so I raised my hips slightly off the bed. "Take them off." I encouraged. He complied.

"My god, you are incredible." Thank you Rosalie for talking me into the wax treatment!

I was laid bare in front of him, for the first time. I waited for the blood to rush to my face and for the embarrassment to appear, but it never did. I realized that I was completely comfortable in front of Edward this way. The thought made my heart soar. It gave me the courage I needed to ask for something else I'd been wanting.

"Edward, you have too many clothes on." He actually smirked at me as he stood beside the bed and dropped his boxers to the floor. I was in awe. I had never seen a naked man in real life. And Edward...he was all man. A very beautiful, very well built, very large man indeed. I forgot to breath. His erection bobbed just inches from my hand and I reached out to touch him. He was hard, hot, and smooth all at the same time. When my fingers made contact with him, it twitched and I couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled up in my throat.

"He likes you." Edward said nonchalantly while shrugging his shoulders. I loved him more in that moment. He knew that we were getting ready to take a monumental step in our relationship. We both knew how serious it was. But he knew that we needed to keep things fun and light. It was just us and it was perfect. He climbed back into bed with me and pulled me to him. We were completely naked and completely entangled with one another from head to feet. The feeling of his entire body pressed against mine was indescribable. I would have honestly been okay just laying with him in this manner, but my body had other ideas.

I felt my nipples harden against his chest and the wetness between my legs increased. He could feel it too because he whimpered and his eyes rolled back in his head. I kissed his neck and started moving my hand down his stomach again. I wanted to touch him, to make him feel good. I wrapped my hand around him and gently applied pressure while moving my hand up and down.

"Is this okay?" I asked nervously. I really didn't know what I was doing.

"That's per..perfect." He stuttered out.

I leaned in to kiss his lips at the same time I swiped my thumb over the head. He really liked that. I could feel the moisture gathering at the tip and used that to help move my hand more smoothly along his length. Being adventurous, I started to twist my wrist with every up stroke.

"Shit baby, if you keep that up, I'm going to come all over your hand." Hearing him talk that way only increased the moisture between my legs. Hmmm...never knew dirty talk would turn me on. I sure was learning a lot about myself tonight.

He began to shift in the bed so I stopped thinking I had done something wrong.

"No, don't stop." He begged so I started pumping him once again. "Can you roll just a little more towards me?" I complied and he grabbed my knee and threw it over his hip. This opened me up to him, which was his intended purpose. His hand traveled back down my body and soon made contact with my lower lips. I shuddered in pure pleasure while I reassured him that I was completely okay. It was difficult to keep the up and down rhythm while he was stroking me. I just wanted to lay back and absorb each and every feeling that was coursing through my body, but I didn't want to be selfish. Edward must have sensed this.

"Baby, just lay back and relax. I'm so close as it is and I really want to make you feel good."

"But I want..."

"I know, but please, let me do this for you. Please baby. There will be time for me later." He smiled.

I rolled onto my back while he continued to slide his finger through my lips causing me to squirm at the sensation. Edward was very good at learning the lay of the land, so to speak. After a few minutes of gentle touches, he focused on my clit. My hips bucked in response, sending foreign sensations through my entire body. He continued rubbing his fingers through my very wet folds and circling my clit until I thought I would die of pleasure Just when I thought I would explode, he insert a finger into me and I moaned in ecstasy. I felt a little pressure but it didn't hurt. He slowly stroked me in and out while his thumb continued to circle that bundle of nerves that brought oh so much pleasure. My hips began to automatically roll in time with his finger.

"Are you okay?"

"Ummm hummm" was all I could manage.

"You are incredibly sexy." He whispered in my ear before gently sucking on my pulse point.

I could feel my lower belly growing tight with tension. I knew it wouldn't be long before the coil snapped and I would be sent over the edge. I felt kisses being trailed down my body, stopping at my breasts. Edward started to circle my clit faster while sucking on my nipple. The combination of his mouth sucking and nipping at my skin and his fingers working their magic caused the coil to reach it's breaking point.

"Edward..." I moaned as my body began to tremble. I gripped his arms tightly as my entire body began pulsing in pleasure. Edward latched onto my lips and kissed me while his fingers continued to pump in and out of me, helping to draw out my first orgasm. His fingers slowed their motion and withdrew as my body started to relax Wow, just wow. When I finally resurfaced, Edward's bright eyes were the first thing I saw. I was so relaxed but yet still so turned on.

"Thank you." Was the only thing I could think to say.

"My pleasure...anytime." He beamed. I could feel him still hard and hot against my thigh. I had one goal in mind and that was to return the favor. Not because I felt I had to but because I wanted to.

"That was amazing Edward." I half way rolled on to him while my hand quickly wrapped back around him. "Now it's your turn to enjoy."

"You really don't have to. Watching you lose control like that...well that was more than enough."

"I know I don't have to. Edward, I want to. Now shut up." He cocked his eyebrow at me but did as I asked.

More moisture had gathered around the head and I quickly swiped it to lubricate my hand. It didn't take me long to figure out what he liked. He bucked into my hand as I slowly started pumping him, up and then down. I made sure I rolled my palm over the head of his dick every few strokes. He really liked that. I tried applying pressure as I brought my hand up, causing his breath to catch in his throat. Yep, another thing he likes. I was really enjoying figuring out what he liked and I especially loved to see how he reacted to my touch.

He must have been incredibly turned out because within minutes I could feel him growing harder in my hand. After a few more strokes he was moaning my name and he came all over his stomach. I immediately understood when he said watching me was enough, because watching him was an amazingly beautiful thing. Something I hoped to see many many more times. I was also shocked at just how turned on watching him cum made me.

"Wow...You are amazing." He smiled at me.

"I love you." I felt I just had to tell him. I claimed his lips, not ready to move on from this moment just yet.

We continued to kiss and touch for a while longer before he pulled away with a satisfied grin.

"I love you too and as much as I'd love to stay like this all night...I'm a bit of a mess." I chuckled at the utterly cute look on his face.

"I'll be right back." I crawled out of bed and got him a wash cloth to clean up with, not even thinking about the fact that I was walking around naked. Once he had wiped himself off, he slipped his boxers back on and crawled under my covers. I turned on my iPod and selected play list that Edward and I had created before grabbing his shirt and pulling it over my head.

"I know it's late and you need to go, but can you stay for just a little while longer?" I asked crawling into my bed beside him. I really didn't want him to go.

"Of course. I don't want to leave you. Plus, walking across campus with no shirt on in November...that might draw a bit of attention, don't you think." He laughed.

"Yeah, I see your point. Do you want your shirt back?"

"Well that depends. I really like seeing you in my clothes. If you're going to take it off and put one of yours on, then no. But if you're going to take it off and not replace it...then absolutely."

"You perv."

"You love me anyway."

"That I do."

"You know I love you too, right?"

"I know." I smiled.

I curled my body around Edward's and snuggled deep into his chest, breathing in his scent. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his head into my hair.

"I really do love you Bella. You're not only the love of my life, but my savior as well. You saved me from so much more than I could ever tell you."

I couldn't stop the tears that started to fall, I didn't even try to.

"I feel the same way Edward. I know we've only known each other a few months but I already know that you're my forever."

"I don't deserve you, but I'm sure as hell not giving you up. You know I feel the same way, right? I love you so much and thank whatever being saw fit to bring you into my life. I'm a selfish creature and I'm not letting you go...ever." He responded. He tipped my chin up and placed a gentle kiss on my lips before resuming our previous position. I fell asleep listening to Edward's heartbeat while thinking of what the future held for us.

Waking up wrapped in Edward's arms was amazing. Wrapped up in Edward's arms, curled up against his naked chest...indescribable. I closed my eyes and just soaked up the warmth that his skin provided. I could feel myself slipping back into sleep when I started to panic.

"Edward!"

His eyes fluttered open and I could see a look of panic cross his face.

"Bella? What's wrong?" He asked hurriedly as he sat up, scrubbing his hands through his hair in a sleepy daze.

"You fell asleep and ended up spending the night."

A sudden smile spread across his face.

"Calm down baby. I texted Alice after you fell asleep. She and Jasper brought me some clothes and she stayed over in my room last night. Don't worry. I don't have anything to do until later in the day."

My breathing slowed down as the panic receded. I glanced at the clock and realized it was still pretty early.

"She's going to give me so much crap..."

"She won't. I promise. If she does, well I have plenty of ammunition I can share with you."

"You're evil. But I love you anyway."

The next few days flew by in a flurry of activity. The girls and I spent the majority of Saturday dress hunting. I was quickly becoming discouraged in my hunt for the perfect dress. They were either too formal, too ornate, the wrong color, the wrong style, too simple. Nothing screamed "perfect" to me. After we left the last shop that Alice had contacted, I was in tears. I had never in my life cried over clothing, but I couldn't hold back the tears.

"Oh Bella, don't cry. I promised that I would help you find the perfect dress and I'm not breaking that promise." Alice soothed.

We were walking into a Starbucks as she spoke.

"Go find us somewhere to sit and I'll get your favorite. Trust me, everything is going to be just fine."

I did as she asked. Pulling out my phone, I noticed I had a few missed calls from my mom. This started the water works all over again.

"Bella?" Angela asked when she saw me crying.

"Sorry. My mom keeps calling and I don't want to tell her I can't find a dress."

"Bella, I told you not to worry." Alice sat down beside me handing me a hot chocolate with a shot of peppermint and whipped cream.

She sat her drink on the table and reached into her messenger bag.

"I didn't want to show you this until we visited the dress shops. I didn't and don't want you to feel obligated, but this is another option."

She handed me a sketch and I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Alice, it's perfect! When did you do this?"

"I had a dream one night a few weeks ago. I saw you in this dress. I was hoping that we'd find one similar in the dress boutiques, but I sketched it out just in case." She blushed, which was a first for me to witness.

"My mom will love this, but how? We've got just over four weeks before we leave. Can you make this?"

"I could, but considering our time constraints, I've already talked to a seamstress. I explained the situation to her and she was more than happy to help out. All we have to do is pay her a visit. We need to make sure the color and cut work for you. Also, we need to pick out the material."

"Thank you so much! I don't want to change anything that's on this piece of paper. It will be perfect! I can't wait to tell mom. Matter of fact..." I reached over and grabbed my cell phone from my bag. Taking a few pictures of the sketch, I sent them to my mom. Not even thirty seconds later my phone rang. I put it on speaker so everyone could hear.

"Bella...is that the dress? Baby it is just wonderful. But do you have a picture of the actual dress?" She wasn't giving me any breaks to speak.

"Mom, calm down."

"Sorry sweetie, just got excited."

"You think." All the girls were laughing at us by now. "Actually, the dress hasn't been made yet. This is just a sketch of it."

"Where did you find it?"

"Alice designed it."

"Oh my! You are truly amazing Alice. This is going to be just perfect! But will you have enough time to have it made? Pay them double what it would normally cost. I want you in this dress." My mom demanded.

"Don't worry Renee, I've already found someone who will do all the sewing for us. Are you sure you like it? The color and style. This is your big day and I want to make sure you are pleased with it."

"You are just too much. Don't you dare change a thing about it. I can't wait to see it in person!"

After fifteen minutes of trying to get my mom off the phone, Phil finally intervened and took her phone away. Alice immediately called the seamstress to set up an appointment and as luck would have it, she could see us today. The seamstress was a sweet older lady with the most friendly blue eyes I'd ever seen, Paige, as she told us to call her. She was just as amazed with Alice's sketch as we were. You could tell she was looking forward to making this dress. Two hours after arriving, the dress color had been picked as had the material and accessories. I'd also been measured within an inch of my life. Never knew that that length of my neck or the circumference of my ankle would be important. I think Alice was in cahoots with Paige to just mess with me.

By the time we got back to the dorm, I was exhausted. I didn't want to do anything but fall into my bed and sleep for hours, unfortunately, Edward and I were meeting in the practice room to work out the last kinks of our winter concert piece. I shot him a quick text letting him know I made it back and that I'd meet him in an hour. I grabbed an apple before sitting down in front of my laptop. I needed to do a little Christmas shopping. I was having a hard time finding the perfect gift for Edward as well as a few of my friends. I was now in a position to return the overly generous gestures from my birthday and I was excited about shopping for them. I shut my laptop, very pleased with my purchases. Grabbing my bag, I left my room to make my way to meet Edward. I couldn't help but think back to the shock my mom delivered not so long ago.

I was unaware until very recently, but apparently my grandparents had set aside a trust fund for me that was to be turned over to my care on my 20th birthday. I knew they had left my mom a trust after their deaths but I never imagined they left one for me as well. After my mom and Phil decided to get married, she merged her trust with mine. Phil was well off and my mom didn't want there to be any roadblocks in my dreams to pursue music. So as it turns out, I'm not in bad shape financially. I confided this to Alice when I found out, wanting desperately to pay her back for her actions at the beginning of the school year. She refused so I knew I'd have to find a way to return the favor.

I shook my head, still finding it hard to believe that my grandparents had left such a generous offering to me. I was lost in my thoughts when I ran into Edward while walking towards the music building.

"Hey stranger." He smiled at me.

"I know...seems like we hardly get to see one another anymore." I sighed as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Yeah, but things will slow down soon. We do have Thanksgiving to look forward to. Then we only have to make it through finals and the concert then it's Christmas."

"Followed by Hawaii...I can almost smell the salt water now. I'm so excited. Oh and I found a dress today!"

"That's great. Do I get to see it?'

"Well it has to be made first."

"Made?"

"Yep, your very talented and wonderful sister designed the PERFECT dress for me."

"Well with you as the inspiration, I'm sure it's beautiful."

"You're so cheesy!"

"Yes, but you love me anyway."

"I do." I smiled at him as he bent to kiss me.

We spent an hour or so practicing our composition and working out the kinks until we were absolutely content with the piece. Thankfully we were able to find a practice room that had two pianos.

"Can we try this out on your family over Thanksgiving? I know it won't be exactly like we want to play since you only have one piano, but still, I'd like to practice it." I asked.

"They'd love that. I have a keyboard we can use, won't sound as good but it will still give us practice time. I haven't composed anything in so long, they will be happy to know that I've found inspiration again." He said sincerely as he eyes pierced mine. I gave him a quick kiss and pulled away before things could get more heated.

"Thank you. But if you keep that up, we may lose our practice room privileges." That got a laugh out of him.

"Want to go grab some food?"

"I'd love to, but I need to practice my clarinet for a bit. I've been neglecting it the past few weeks and I have to play that as well at the winter concert. You go ahead, I'll call you later."

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to leave you. If you don't mind, I'd like to stay. I'll take any spare moment I can have with you. Besides, I love hearing you play."

"I don't mind. I shouldn't be more than another thirty minutes."

"No problem."

It didn't take me as long as I thought and we were out of there in twenty minutes. After dropping my stuff off at my room, we decided to go for a late dinner and movie. It was nice spending quality time with just Edward. It was late, well after midnight, when we got back to the dorm and Edward just crashed in my bed. Alice had sent a text earlier in the night letting us know she was staying with Jasper. I was becoming much too comfortable falling asleep in Edward's arms. I'm really hoping Alice works her magic on Charlie when it comes to living together next year.

Sunday and Monday passed in a blur. Most of our professors had already handed out end of term projects and study guides for finals. I was under no delusions that things would slow down or get easier after the Thanksgiving break. I knew that they would just get worse. We were all trying to get ahead of the curve so that we wouldn't wear ourselves out before Christmas break.

Due to some of our professors being just as anxious as the students were for a break, Edward and I were able to get on the road much earlier than anticipated on Tuesday. I called Charlie to let him know that we should be in Forks early enough to meet for an early dinner, granted that we didn't run into any major traffic. Edward called his parents to let them know as well and asked if they wanted to join us and Charlie at the diner. I was so excited about seeing Esme and Carlisle again. But I was nearly jumping out of my skin to see my dad. Sometimes it amazes me that I was able to go for so long between visits with him while living in Phoenix.

"Excited?" Edward asked with a smirk.

"Yes, I am. I'm ready for a break, ready to relax, ready for some good food, and ready to see my dad." I rushed out while he smiled at me.

"Ready to spend some alone time with me?" He grinned.

"Well that's a given." I answered as I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.

"Think your mom will care if I stay in my pjs all day tomorrow while we cook? My dad has to work all day and our friends won't be in until later. I just want to be comfortable."

"She won't care at all. Don't be surprised if she's running around in yoga pants and a sweatshirt all day. She likes to be comfortable while she cooks too. You and my mom have a lot in common. I know she's really looking forward to spending some one on one time with you while we're home for break."

"I'm looking forward to that. I want to get to know your mom better. I can't wait until I can hang out with both her and my mom in Hawaii. That may just be trouble waiting to happen." I laughed remembering how they ganged up on my when they were in Seattle for my birthday.

"True. I still can't believe we are going to Hawaii. I've been before, but spending almost two weeks there with you and all of our friends, it's going to be amazing. I do have a question for you though. Is it weird for you that your parents are so close now? I mean, your dad is Phil's best man...best man in his ex wife's wedding..."

I couldn't help the belly laugh that escaped me at the look of pure confusion on his face.

"I guess we really haven't talked a lot about that, have we? My mom and dad have always been wonderful parents, but they haven't always had the greatest relationship with each other. Renee and Charlie were great friends before they got married but once they got married, I think they forgot why they liked each other in the first place, let alone why they loved one another. My mom thought my dad worked too much, was emotionally stunted, was too stoic, and didn't care for much in life other than fishing, working, and beer. My dad thought Renee was too flighty, too childish, and too self centered. Mind you, it wasn't always that way. But when she left my dad, it wasn't under the best terms. He didn't want me to go, but he thought I would be better off with my mom. They let 'stuff' get in the way of what was important."

"They learned to get along for my sake over the years. They also learned that they had major misconceptions of each other. Their unhappiness in their marriage caused them to focus on the negatives of each other and not the positives, not the reasons they loved each other in the first place. Renee wasn't cut out for small town living and Charlie was your perfect small towner. Renee's unhappiness lead to a depression and well, Charlie didn't know how to help her or deal with her. I've always known both of my parents loved me unconditionally but I hated that they couldn't get along. They had actually started to rebuild their friendship around the time I started high school. Charlie would come visit us in Phoenix and they would actually joke around and laugh with one another. When Phil came into the picture, things turned a little cool again. I can understand that though, he was afraid of being replaced in my life."

"The first time they met, I could tell my dad was trying really hard not to like Phil; and failing. They struck up a tentative acquaintance. Definitely not fishing buddies, but they tolerated each other, using their common love of baseball as a building block, but once James showed up in the picture, things quickly changed. My dad started to rely on Phil to keep an eye on 'his girls' for him. I found out later that my dad would even call Phil to check up on us. We were all becoming closer before that night at the church. But afterwards, I think it really hit home what as important in life. It no longer mattered to my mom or dad what happened in the past. Only the future mattered. They came together for me, as well as each other, and in the process rediscovered what they initially loved about one another. Of course they also realized that they could never be anything more than friends. Too much time had passed and my mom had Phil. They really should have never taken things past friendship but they have both assured me that they don't regret anything because they got me out of it."

"Well I'm certainly glad they took things past friendship." Edward laughed as he squeezed my hand. "Have you ever wanted them to get back together though?"

"I admit that I've always wondered what it would be like if my parents reconciled, but I think all kids of divorce think that, no matter the circumstances. But I am happy that my mom found Phil and I'm ecstatic that my parents can be friends again. I think they make each other better just by being a part of the others life. I will admit that seeing how close my dad and Phil are has been a bit strange, but again, I'm just thankful that they can all get along. I just want my parents to be happy, however that may be. I think I'm very lucky that they still care for one another so much. I don't have to worry about hurting their feelings if I talk about the other. I don't have to hide how much I love them both. I mean, I never had to do that, but growing up I hated to even think that I was making my mom or dad feel bad about the things I did with the other. I never wanted them to feel I loved the other more. So I didn't talk much about one to the other."

"Now I just wish Charlie would find someone to complete his life. I know he is just fine being alone. He has lots of friends but I still wish he would find someone to share his life with. He deserves that. He has become a much more open and affectionate person in recent months and he has so much to offer a person."

I looked over at Edward and saw him smiling at me.

"Sorry, guess I sorta went off on a tangent, huh?"

"I think you're adorable when you go off on your tangents. But seriously, I'm just amazed that you continue to have such a positive outlook on life."

"Well it hasn't always been that way. I went through a very dark time in my life after James showed up. Sometimes I wondered if I'd ever get out from under it. But I don't want to think about that now. I know that we both have dark times in our pasts. The important thing is that we move on from them and carry the lessons we've learned with us always. I'd rather exert my energy living my life and enjoying the positives. I think that's the best revenge I could ever get on James. And I also think that you living your life and being happy is the best revenge on Jessica as well. We can't let them dictate our futures any longer. They can no longer have any power over us. If we allow that, then they win."

"I'm sorry. You're right. Let's just enjoy this vacation."

"Already enjoying it babe." I smiled while reaching over and grabbing his iPod. "I think I'll be in charge of this for a while." I found a good playlist and we both enjoyed the music as we made our way to Forks, talking about nothing of importance, just enjoying each others company.

We made great time and ended up beating everyone to the diner. It was still too early for the dinner rush so there were lots of empty tables. Jake called just as we were sitting down to let me know that Billy had arrived and that they were getting settled in the hotel. Jake, Angela, and Billy were going to be leaving for Forks tomorrow early afternoon. I talked to Billy briefly and could hear the excitement in his voice. He was ready to come home. While I was talking to Billy, Edward texted Alice to let her know that we arrived safely. The waitress, Emma, had just dropped off menus and taken our drink orders when my dad arrived, shortly followed by Esme and Carlisle.

"Hey baby girl." My dad pulled me into a bear hug just as Esme did the same to Edward. After a round of greetings, we all sat down to browse the menu.

"How was the drive down?"

"It was good mom, no problems. Just glad that Bella and I were able to slip away earlier than expected."

"Me too. I was so excited when you called. That means we can start cooking even earlier. than I had planned. I hate to tell you son, but I'm stealing your girl from you tonight." I couldn't help but laugh at the horrified expression on his face. Once I composed myself, I told my dad about my phone call from Jake.

"Jake called to let me know that Billy arrived okay. I talked to him and he sounded really excited about coming home. I don't think he'll be a resident of Phoenix much longer." My dad smiled at the thought.

"Good. I'm going to need him closer now that you and Jake are just a few hours away. I can't keep you both in line all by myself." He smirked.

Dinner and dessert passed quickly while Edward and I answered questions about how school was going, wedding plans, the trip, our friends, and our winter concert. I was surprised that they all intended to drive to Seattle to attend the concert.

"You think I'm going to miss your first college performance? I don't think so." My dad grinned. "I've missed too many of them in the past and that's going to change." He promised.

"Carlisle and I will be there as well. I'm so excited to hear the two of you play the piece you wrote together. I was hoping I could convince the two of you to start practicing up on some Christmas songs while you were here."

"Without a doubt Esme. They are my favorite!"

Just as we were finishing up dessert, my dad got paged to a car wreck. Nothing serious but enough to warrant a police report. Carlisle and Charlie argued over who was going to pay...Esme beat them both to it. Charlie insisted on leaving the tip. Edward and I followed his parents back to his house and we quickly unpacked the car. I was unsure about sleeping arrangements, so I just sat my bags at the base of the stairs while Edward started climbing the steps to his room. He stopped half way up the stairs and gave me a confused look.

"Are you coming?"

"Ummm...yeah. Where should I put my things?"

I heard Esme and Carlisle laughing behind me.

"Sweetheart, we aren't naive or stupid. You are more than welcome to bunk with Edward. We trust you to be the responsible adults that we know you are."

They walked off in the direction of the living room, leaving me to gap at their backs. Edward walked down and tugged on my hand while grabbing one of my bags.

"Come on. They aren't playing games with you, they are serious. Grab you other bags so we can go get comfortable." He laughed at my dumbfounded expression.

"I don't know how Charlie will feel about this. Renee wouldn't have any problems but I don't want to upset my dad."

"We have guest rooms if you'd rather stay in one of those." He pouted.

I really wanted to be able to fall asleep and wake up next to Edward. So I did something that I never thought I'd ever do. I called my dad to ask permission to sleep with my boyfriend.

"Bella? Is everything okay?"

"Ummm dad. This is really weird for me and I can't believe I'm calling to ask this."

"What is it kiddo?"

"See when you call me that, it really makes me feel stupid for this phone call."

"Just spit it out Bells. You can tell me anything."

"Well, it's about the sleeping arrangements..."

"Are you calling to ask if it's okay if you share a bed with your boyfriend." He was laughing at me by the time he finished that sentence and I was bright red and slightly confused by his nonchalant attitude.

"Maybe?"

"Oh Bells, I love you kiddo. You are a grown woman, as much as I hate to admit it, but you are. I trust your judgement and I know that you will behave responsibly and would never disrespect Edward's parents or your own. You've never given me any reason not to trust you. Besides, what's a few nights sharing a bed with Edward under the supervision of his parents, when you'll be sharing an apartment with him next year...unsupervised."

"Wha...how...I..."

"Stop stuttering Bells, it's not very becoming." He was in hysterics by this point. "The pixie already planted the bug in my ear. Told me that you doubted that you would be able to do that due to the fact that you didn't think your mom and I would agree to it."

"Uh..."

"Don't stress over things that don't need stressing over. I love you. Call me tomorrow."

"Love you too dad."

I hung up the phone still in shock.

"You okay? I couldn't tell much from your end of the conversation."

"I'm still trying to process it. He laughed at me. Pretty much told me that I'm an adult and that he trusts me. Also let me know that Alice has already warned him about the apartment next year and he seemed perfectly fine with it."

"Wow..."

"Wow is right. Now I just need to talk to Renee. I know it's silly. I'm an adult but it will make me feel better."

I called my mom and had pretty much the same conversation with her as I had with Charlie. After my shock wore off, she filled me in on a few more wedding details before telling me to take it easy and enjoy my break. I excused myself to the bathroom to wash my face and put on my pajamas. It was still early but I wanted to be comfortable. When I emerged from the bathroom, Edward was just pulling on a pair of sweats...he was shirtless. I couldn't help myself. I tackled him to his bed where we spent the next few minutes seeing how long the other could go without breathing.

Feeling his lips and tongue against my neck caused my blood to boil. It was becoming harder and harder to remain in control when he was touching me the way he was. I trailed my fingers up and down his chest and they soon found their way to his happy trail. Each caress of my fingers caused him to shudder, and I'll admit, made me feel powerful.

I began following the path of my hands with my lips. Just as I was kissing his belly button and making my way to the 'V' that I loved so much, Esme's voice broke the spell. I nearly passed out from embarrassment, until I realized that her voice was coming from the intercom on the wall.

Edward laughed at the look of relief on my face and then smirked when he noticed I hadn't moved. He wiggled out from under me and pushed the 'talk' button on the speaker box.

"Yeah mom?"

"Sorry to bother you and Bella, but dad and I were fixing some hot chocolate and wanted to know if you wanted to join us. Plus I want to discuss menus with Bella." She sounded sheepish and apologetic.

As much as I didn't want to leave his room, I knew his parents wanted to visit with us some more before the crowds rolled in. I also knew Esme and I had a lot of work to do. I nodded my head to let him know I was okay with that.

"We'll be down in just a minute."

He laughed at me again. I was started to get a complex.

"You should have seen the look on your face."

"Well, how did you think I would react. My face was practically in happy land when her voice rang out through the room. Why didn't you react to it?"

"Happy land? I like the sound of that." He grinned at me and raised his eyebrows. "As for why I didn't react...well mom has always been fond of intercom systems in the house. We've always lived in rather large homes and she hates yelling. It was easier to push a button to find me and Alice than it was to walk the house over."

I was getting off the bed and straightening my clothes when I felt his hands on my back.

"Hey, thank you."

"For what?"

"For indulging my mom. I know you've been exhausted the past few weeks and would probably rather relax and rest. But instead you are going to go down to that kitchen and spend hours there tonight, tomorrow, and Thursday. I know you like to cook, but I also know that you are doing this for my mom. She really does want to get to know you better and she is really eager to start bonding with you." He smiled his heart stopping smile at me.

"It really isn't an issue Edward. I'm just as excited to spend time with her."

"Even if it means giving up 'happy land' time?" He looked too damn smug for his own good as he chuckled at me.

"Jerk." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Keep sticking that tongue out at me and I'll put it to better use." He winked...and of course I blushed.

"Come on Romeo, hot chocolate awaits."

…**..waiting very nervously to hear what you think of this chapter. This is my first attempt at anything lemony...**

**A/N: Okay so now I start the begging portion. I am so sorry that it has taken this long to get this chapter out. Life has been happening. My husband has spent a good portion of the last six months traveling overseas for work...leaving me and the 4 year old to hold down the fort. Let's just say, she keeps me busy.**

**My family went through a really hard time at Easter. We lost two very close and precious family members on the same day in a senseless accident. My husbands cousin and his cousins little boy (29 and 2) were only weeks away from their next birthdays. It was very hard to say goodbye and even two months later, it still doesn't seem real.**

**Let's just say my muse ran away and hid in a cave for a while, but has decided to return to me within the last week. I just hope she doesn't change her mind and take off again. There are only a handful of chapters left in this story and I'm very excited to get them from my head to you.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and to everyone who has put me on alerts and/or favorites lists. It brings a smile to my face to know that someone is actually reading this story!**


	44. Chapter 44: Cakes, Cookies, and Pies

**A/N: So it took longer to post than I wanted, but not nearly as long as the last chapter. I'm not exactly happy with this chapter, but I've read, edited, reread, edited...well you get the picture. **

**Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, and/or added this story to alerts/favorites. I still have a faithful few who have stuck with me, even when I went MIA for a while.**

**Hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**Chapter 44: Cakes, Cookies, and Pies...Oh My!**

**EPOV**

"Edward...stop." Bella scolded me.

"But it's so good." I defended myself as I stuck my finger in my mouth. It was covered in one of the best things I have ever tasted. I couldn't help myself, I had to go back for seconds.

"Edward Anthony Cullen. If you do not leave this kitchen right this minute, I will show you that a wooden spoon can be used for more than stirring."

My mom threatened. Bella was doubled over in laughter and holding onto the counter in an attempt from keeping herself from falling on the floor.

"Son, you better listen to your mother. She's got a wicked aim with that spoon. I speak from experience. I have a feeling Bella has pretty good aim too."

I walked over to Bella and gave her a quick kiss and then hugged my mom before following my dad in the living room.

After joining my parents for hot chocolate, my mom and Bella immediately jumped into planning mode. Not only were they going to make going to make three complete Thanksgiving meals, but they were also working on quite a bit of snacks and appetizer type foods for all of our friends that would be arriving tomorrow.

Bella had already started on two cakes; Hershey Bar and Hummingbird. The cakes were already in the oven and she was currently working on the frosting. Yeah...the Hershey Bar cake frosting is what got me in trouble. This was just the beginning. She was planning on making at least three more cakes and at least a dozen pies, if not more.

It was already getting late but Bella had caught a second wind and mom was right there with her. While Bella was slaving away on the cakes, my mom was working on dozens of homemade cookies. She had already baked close to ten dozen and there was no end in sight. Apparently she got started earlier in the day. There were chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, double chocolate cookies, shortbread. I couldn't even tell what some of them were. I mean, I've never heard of a cookie that had chocolate chips, coconut, cherries, walnuts, and oatmeal in them but everything smelled amazing. It's a good thing my mom has three ovens...I never knew why she insisted on that addition to the kitchen, until now.

The kitchen would certainly be in constant use over the next 48 hours. I was in awe of the menu that my mom and Bella had created. I never knew so much food could be made for one meal. Don't get me wrong, my mom had always made the holidays special and food was a big part of that, but this year she was going all out. Since we were going to have so many additions to our table this year, she made sure to find out what each of my friends favorites were. They would each have a spot at our table this Thanksgiving.

"You might as well just let them be Edward. If Bella is anything like your mom, they'll be up late into the night...err...early morning. We can catch up while they plot ways to make us gain ten pounds over the next few days."

"Well I can't argue with that logic." I chuckled. "So dad, how are things at the hospital? Are you satisfied with the transfer?"

"Very much so Edward. I think this move has been the best one we've made, for all of us. It's made a world of difference to you mother to be so much closer to you and Alice. For me as well."

"Well we're happy to have you both closer to us as well. It was...difficult with you and mom so far away last year."

"I know. It just about killed your mother and I. It was all I could do not to just pack up everything and say to hell with our life in Alaska. We were so worried that we weren't doing enough to help you through that."

"Dad, please don't do that. You, mom, and Alice, well if not for you three, I don't want to think about how I would have handled everything. Just know that you did everything you could for me. I don't feel that I was neglected in anyway because of the physical distance between us."

We sat in silence for a few moments just absorbing what had been said. I knew that my parents went through a lot of guilt over not being able to be with me more during what went on with Jessica, but I didn't know it still bothered my dad. I didn't want these thoughts to ruin the happy atmosphere that my mom and Bella were creating in the kitchen. I guess my dad felt the same way.

"Well enough of that. No need to dwell in the past any longer than necessary. Especially with how happy you are now. So, tell me how things are going with Bella." He said as he wiggled his eyebrows. I swear he reminded me of Emmett.

"They are going great. Nearly perfect."

"Yeah, I can see that from the smile on your face."

"I can't help it. I never thought I would be so content and happy in a relationship after Jessica, but Bella just simply makes me happy. I just feel like she is the missing piece. She gets me and we all know that's a pretty difficult feat. We have so much in common, but yet there is so much that we can teach one another. She isn't afraid to call me on my shit either. I can't see myself without her."

"You love her." It was a simple statement an observation by a very observant man.

"I do. Very much."

He smiled at me and then we heard sniffling. I looked up to see Esme's teary eyes.

"Oh sweetie. I never thought...I'm just so happy...I was so worried that you'd never give your trust, your heart, or your love to anyone ever again. I was scared you'd never get to this point." She walked over and pulled me into a tight hug. "You didn't let her win."

"No, I didn't."

We stood in her embrace for a few moments before breaking apart.

"Where's Bella?"

"She ran up to your room to grab her phone. Something about Jake freaking out if he can't reach her. That boy is more protective of her than any big brother I've even seen."

"That he is and I couldn't be more happy about it. The more people looking out for her the better. He really is a great person."

"You and Alice have made some pretty amazing friends this year. I'm so happy for you two." This caused more tears to appear.

We heard footsteps approaching and turned to see a shocked Bella standing in the doorway.

"Esme...are you okay?" Bella asked as she rushed to my mom's side.

"Oh sweetie, these are happy tears. I am beyond perfect." She answered her as she pulled her into a hug. I could see her lips moving against Bella's ear but couldn't hear what was being said, just that it caused Bella to smile brightly.

"Okay you two. Bella and I have some more baking to do before we can call it a night. Enjoy your father son bonding time tonight, because the wolves descend tomorrow." She ruffled my hair, kissed my father, and then grabbed Bella's arm. Luckily I was able to get a quick kiss from Bella before she disappeared into the kitchen with my mom, both of them laughing the whole way.

"That's a wonderful sight and sound Edward. You couldn't have picked a better girl for your mom." He laughed and I scowled at him. "What I meant to say was that you couldn't have picked a better girl for you." He grinned.

"You've got it wrong dad. I couldn't have been picked by a more perfect girl."

He just smiled at me. I knew he and my mom were just thrilled that I had moved on from Jessica and all the fuckery that came with her. I wasn't deluding myself into thinking that things would always be perfect with Bella. There were things in our past that pretty much guaranteed that, but I knew we would get through anything that was thrown at us...together.

The changes in Bella since coming back from Phoenix are nothing short of miraculous. Jake seems to be in constant awe when he is around. He has told me on many occasions that he hasn't seen Bella so free in years. He himself is in a much better place as well. I don't even think he recognizes the changes that he has gone through, being much too focused on Bella's recovery. If I thought Jake was a carefree guy before, it's nothing to how he is now. Knowing that Bella truly let go of her guilt lifted a weight from his shoulders. He also confided in me that although he'll always feel like there was something more he could have done, he knows that he isn't responsible. That if Bella could let go of the feelings of responsibility that she has carried since that night, he could let go of his. I got the impression that he didn't want her carrying the weight alone so he always held on to his. If only we could all be so lucky to have a friend like Jake.

Dad grabbed the remote and turned on ESPN. I don't think either of us last another ten minutes. The next thing I was aware of was laughing.

"Like father like son." I heard Bella's sweet voice.

"Pretty cute isn't it? Edward had a hard time adjusting when he first came to live with us. Yes we were family but we weren't his parents. Carlisle would sit up with him at night when Edward would have trouble sleeping and they would either watch ESPN together or listen to music. Carlisle would even read to Edward from medical journals. I can't tell you how many times I'd wake up in the morning to an empty bed and come down to find them both just like they are now. Only Edward would be curled up in Carlisle's lap." I could tell she was smiling at the memories.

"He was lucky to have you and Carlisle after his parents died." Bella stated and I could hear the sadness in her voice. Sadness for me losing my parents. I would have loved for my parents to have been able to meet Bella.

"No sweetie, we were the lucky ones to be given the opportunity to have him as a son. The lose of his parents was hard on the whole family. I'm just glad we were in a position to take him in. Sometimes I feel terribly guilty. I am devastated that his mom and dad are no longer a part of his life, that they missed watching him grow into the man he has become, but I feel so fortunate that Carlisle and I have."

I didn't know how much more I wanted to hear. I wasn't mad in the least that they were talking about me, but I didn't want to think about the things they were saying. I also didn't like to hear the sadness and guilt in Esme's voice. Luckily I didn't have to.

"Let's wake these sissy boys up and get them to bed. You don't have to get up early in the morning Bella. Just find me when you do wake up. I'll probably be awake in a couple of hours. I'm always too excited to sleep during the holidays."

"Me too Esme. I'm sure I'll be up right along with you."

"Sweetheart, just so you know. Your mom has been worried about you lately. She asked me to make sure that you get some rest while you are here. I promised her I would. Now please promise me that you'll at least take advantage over the weekend and catch up on your sleep. If not, I'll make sure Edward knows you aren't taking care of yourself." I could hear the smirk in my mom's voice.

"That's a low blow Esme." Bella chuckled. "But Edward has already caught on. He's already been making me take better care of myself. More like he's been taking care of me. I promise I will relax as much as possible after Thursday."

"I can live with that. Now, you get yours and I'll get mine."

A few seconds later I could feel Bella's hands running through my hair. I nearly drifted back off to sleep.

"Edwaaard...time to wake up."

"Don't wanna." I whined.

"Come on you big baby. Time to go to bed."

"I'm good here." I groaned.

"Well then I guess I'll just have your bed all to myself tonight. You have fun here on the couch." She moved away and I shot off the couch like a bullet, stumbling a bit on my way to Bella.

"Nicely played Bella." My mom laughed at me. She was still trying to shake my dad awake.

I grabbed Bella's hand while sticking my tongue out at my mom.

"Good night mother."

"Night dear. See you two in the morning."

"Good night Esme."

I managed to make my way to my room pulling Bella behind me, although I was still slightly disoriented from jumping off the couch so quickly. I peeked at the clock when we walked in and saw it was already after one in the morning.

"Jeez, how much baking did you two do?"

"We got all the cakes and cookies done. Well almost done, I still have two cakes to ice. They were too hot to do it tonight. We made all the pie crusts that we would need and started on a couple of the fillings. The plan is to finish the pies and cakes in the morning. Esme wants to start prepping the turkey's in the morning too. Oh, and we have a list of appetizers and snacks to get started on as well. We're gonna have a busy day." She rushed out in excitement.

"You're really enjoying this aren't you?"

"Yes I am. I didn't realize that I had missed cooking so much. And I just love your mom. She is such an amazing woman. I'm so glad I'm getting the chance to know her better."

"I'm pretty positive she's enjoying spending time with you just as much as you are her. and I have to agree, I seem to be surrounded by amazing women."

She just rolled her eyes at me before grabbing her toothbrush and walking into my bathroom.

"Come on Cullen, time to get ready for bed."

I joined her after pulling off my shirt and jeans. I grabbed one of my shirts out of my bag and handed it to Bella.

"What's this?"

"Your pajamas." I answered.

Again, she just shook her head but I could see the smile playing at the corner of her lips.

"You really have a thing about seeing me in your clothes don't you?"

"I'd rather see you out of them, but this is second best." I smirked.

"You are too funny." She laughed before pulling me into a kiss. "Brush your teeth then come to bed. I need a snuggle buddy."

"Yes Ma'am." I had a feeling that I could never deny this girl anything. After I brushed my teeth, I walked into my room to see the most wonderful sight in the whole world. Bella was curled up in my bed, hair spread across my pillow. The covers were laying just so i could see the swell of her hips...and her shirt was riding up, leaving her skin visible for my hungry eyes. Her eyes were closed and a smile was playing at her lips. I just stood there, taking in the view. I didn't realize just how long I had been staring until I heard her giggle.

"Enjoying the view?" She laughed.

"Immensely." I answered honestly.

"Well stop staring and come keep me company. You promised me a snuggle buddy and I'm about to fall asleep. I have a feeling I'll be up before the sun in the morning while you get to sleep in."

She didn't have to tell me twice. She laughed heartily as I jumped on the bed, causing her to bounce all over the place. She lifted the covers just enough for me to slide under them and I soon found myself cradled between her thighs, with her hands buried in my hair and my tongue buried in her sweet mouth.

We kissed slowly for a few minutes, just enjoying the sensation of being together. She broke away to take a breath and I continued to lavish her neck with kisses. Bella kept her hands buried in my hair, tugging slightly on my messy locks.

"Edward, as wonderful as that feels and god does it feel great, I'm really tired. If you keep that up, I have a feeling I won't be sleeping tonight and I really need to be rested for tomorrow. I promise we will pick this up tomorrow night." She pulled my face to hers and kissed me hard.

"I thought you said you wanted to stop."

"I never said I wanted to stop because that's so far from the truth it's ridiculous...plus I've been known to be stubborn." She giggled.

"Okay sweet girl. Let's get some sleep. You are far too tempting and you're right, if we don't stop now, you won't be sleeping. I want you plenty rested tomorrow night."

She groaned, letting me know she really didn't want to go to sleep but I knew we had both had a long day and Bella was going to have an even longer few days ahead of her.

"I love you Edward." Her sweet breath wafted across my lips.

"I love you too, baby." I gave her one more kiss, a quick one, and then she settled herself against me. She pretty much wrapped me up, her head in the nook between my neck and shoulder, arm thrown across my abdomen, and her leg thrown over my hip. I was in heaven. I pulled her even closer to me before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

I vaguely remember Bella crawling over me and kissing my cheek before telling me to go back to sleep. It was still very dark outside when I pulled her on top of me and begged her to stay. She kissed me softly, telling me she loved me before hopping out of bed. Her and my mom were definitely peas in a pod. Alice didn't even get up this early to help her out. Around 9:00 am, I heard the my bedroom door squeak open and light footsteps coming towards my bed. I could smell the shampoo she uses. Just as she was bending over me, I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down on the bed.

"Argggggg...Edward!" She shrieked. So loudly in fact, my mom could hear it all the way downstairs.

"Edward...you better not be hurting that girl. I need her in the kitchen today." I could hear the laughter in her voice, even through the intercom.

"So, what has you sneaking up on me in my bedroom while I'm sleeping?"

"I wasn't sneaking and you weren't asleep." She huffed.

"Semantics." I laughed.

"I was coming to get my phone to call Alice. I left a book that I need. I also needed to call my dad. I wasn't even going to bother you, but you just looked too adorably rumpled. I wanted to kiss you." She answered shyly.

"Well by all means, kiss away."

"Not on your life buster. Not after that stunt you pulled. If you want a kiss from me today, you'll have to earn it."

And with that she jumped off the bed, grabbed her phone, and shot me an 'eat shit' grin before bouncing down the stairs. I was still staring at the door, mouth hanging open, when I heard her voice through the intercom.

"Oh yeah...I was supposed to tell you that breakfast is ready. If you want any, you better hurry up. I made french toast and your dad is already putting a dent in the platter. He could probably compete with Jake and Em." I could hear the amusement in her voice. But I knew she wasn't kidding about my dad. He loved french toast.

I climbed out of bed, shaking my head, and walked to my bathroom. After brushing my teeth and splashing some cold water on my face to wake me up, I padded my way down the stairs and to the kitchen. She wasn't lying either. My dad had a humongous stack of french toast on his plate, covered in whipped cream and strawberries. He had syrup on the side. A pile of bacon rounded off his plate.

"Ever heard of watching your cholesterol?" I teased.

"I am watching it...watching it rise. But hey, it's the holidays. Besides, there was no way in hell I was passing up this breakfast. She's a keeper son." He pointed his fork at Bella, making her blush.

"It's true dear. She wouldn't let me lift a finger on breakfast this morning." My mom crooned. "I don't think I'll be able to let her go."

"I'd fight you for her." I laughed.

"Oh okay...just promise to bring her back often."

"Deal!"

"So glad I have a say in the matter..." Bella muttered through a smile.

"Welcome to the Cullen clan dear." My dad said happily as he patted her hand. "You'll get used to it."

Bella leaned over and placed a kiss on my cheek.

"Carlisle...that's a hardship I'll gladly take on. The benefits far outweigh the negatives. But I have yet to find any negatives." Her eyes never left mine as she said this. I felt like my smile would crack my face and if the smiles on my parents faces were any indication...Bella was already a member of our family. They looked immensely happy. Bella glanced over my shoulder at my mom, who was crying, before jumping up.

In a very theatrical move, Bella rushed over to Esme, threw her arms around her neck and started rubbing her back.

"There there, no need to cry. I promise to be on my best behavior. I won't embarrass the family, well I'll try not to at least. I am a klutz, you've been warned. I'll gladly help in the kitchen or kick you out of it if you prefer. I'm sorry but there's no help for Alice and her addiction. But I do know a good therapist. I can promise you that I'll always do my very best to make sure Edward is happy and loved. Plus, now that I'm a member of the Cullen clan, my dad can't write anyone a ticket that has the last name 'Cullen' and if one of his deputies happens to commit such an atrocity, well he's the Chief." My mom was really crying now, but it was due to all the laughter.

"Definitely a keeper son." My dad joined in with the laughter. I couldn't agree more.

My dad and I forced the ladies out of the kitchen so that we could clean up the breakfast dishes. They didn't fight us too badly considering they had to make a grocery store run. My mom had already gotten most of the essentials but there were a few last minute items on the list that still needed to be bought. Both my mom and Bella were up the stairs and back down within ten minutes, completely dressed and ready to go. Both Carlisle and I received kisses on the cheeks, from both women and then they were out the door. I was once again left staring at a door with my mouth hanging open.

"I think they are both channeling Alice." My dad concluded in a very matter of fact voice. "I have to go to the hospital for a bit. I'm taking most of today off as well as tomorrow, but I have to get a few things done first. Want to come in with me?"

I thought about it and realized how much I missed going to work with my dad. Yeah I know, I sound like a kid, but this is something I've been doing for years. Besides, I want to be a doctor, so going to work with dad is good preparation for the future.

"That sounds great. I need to take a shower though."

"No problem, let's leave in thirty. We won't be there too long, a few hours at the most."

I knew he missed our time together just as much as I did. I called Bella before jumping in the shower to let her know where I was going. She and my mom were laughing and carrying on. I was so glad that they liked each other so much. My parents had never really liked Jessica. She was always extremely cold and standoffish with them. She never took the time to get to know them. Of course, Bella and Jessica were nothing alike. My dad was already waiting in the kitchen for me when I came down. He was fidgeting and I knew from experience that he had something on his mind. I had an idea of where our conversation was heading, but I wouldn't keep anything from him. Not after everything that had happened in the past.

After getting in the car and backing out of the garage, my dad stopped the car and just looked at me. He then let out a breath that he seemed to have been holding for quite a while. I could have let him squirm but I was in much too good a mood.

"Just spit it out dad. I know you want to talk and I'm pretty sure I know what you want to talk about. It's okay. I'm okay to talk."

He shook his head at me before smiling.

"I sometimes forget how perceptive you are."

"Not really, I just know you." I grinned.

"Well, that too. Okay, I promise I won't dwell on this. I just want to make sure you are truly okay with everything that is going on in your life." He put the car in drive. I took a few minutes to organize my thoughts.

"Honestly...for the first time in a very long time, I am completely happy and content. Things were starting to get a little better before I met Bella, but she has definitely been the catalyst. I was a worried in the beginning that our separate issues would just become 'issues' that we couldn't overcome, but I've found that next to therapy, Bella has been the best thing that could have happened to me to help me finally heal from what Jessica did."

"Are you still seeing Dr. Kym?"

"I am, not as frequently as I was but when I feel like I need to talk, I don't hesitate to make an appointment. Bella and I actually have a joint session planned after we get back from Thanksgiving break."

"Is everything okay?"

"Again, everything is really good. We just figured that Dr. Kym has helped each of us so much individually that it wouldn't hurt to have a few sessions with her as a couple. There are also some things that Bella and I are a little concerned with that we want to discuss with her."

"Can you tell me a little about those issues?"

I had been expecting this chat with my dad so I had already talked to Bella about it. At first she was a little reluctant for me to divulge the reason we wanted to go to therapy together, but she quickly realized that my dad was a doctor as well and although she wasn't his patient, that he was good at keeping information to himself. So I answered, trying not to give too much detail about Bella's attack..

"Well, you know my issues. We have a few concerns about our physical relationship. Bella wants to make sure that she isn't pressuring me into anything because she knows about what Jessica did. She's worried that although she may not mean to, she may do something that makes me feel like I have to move things along. We both just really want to make sure that we are ready for that. I trusted Jessica and look how that turned out and while Bella is absolutely nothing like Jessica, sometimes those same fears creep back in. I know they are irrational fears because I trust Bella with my life, but I know I can't always help what creeps into my head."

"As for Bella, well I'm not sure how much Charlie has told you about what James did to Bella that night..." I had to stop for a breath because even though I didn't know her then, just thinking about what he did and could have done unleashes a waterfall of emotions within me. "James sexually assaulted Bella. He didn't rape her although he threatened to, but he did violate her. She...well both of us are extremely scared that she could possibly suffer flashbacks while we are together, of what he did to her. She doesn't want me to feel guilty if that happens and I don't want to be the one responsible for causing it to happen."

"Has anything like that happened so far?" Carlisle was in full Dr. mode now. I really appreciated the fact that he didn't actually come out and ask if we had started a physical relationship.

"No, not so far. I'll be honest with you dad. We haven't had sex. It's not something that either of us is ready for right now. But we are past the hand holding and chaste kissing stage." I saw my dad smirk.

"Well you know you're clean son. I just keep insisting on repeated testing because, while I may be a doctor, I'm still your dad. Logically and rationally I know you are fine, but the dad in me just wants to be extra sure."

"I know and I appreciate it. And just so you know, you don't have to worry about Bella. She has no reason to be tested."

He cocked his eyebrow at me and I understood the unspoken question. I nodded my head in confirmation. I could see the surprised look on his face.

"Dad...Bella has never really had boyfriends and the one that she did have, cheated on her, with Jake's cousin of all people. Jake's cousin was just as in the dark about what her boyfriend was up to as Bella was. She was young when that happened and decided guys just weren't worth it. She was too involved in music and her friends. Besides, do you think any guy would have the balls to approach Bella when she's being guarded by Jake? Okay, the bastard ex boyfriend and that psycho don't count. As it were Leah and Bella took care of Paul." That actually got a laugh out of my dad.

"Yes, I could see where Jake would be the best deterrent available. You're right. Nobody in their RIGHT mind would even attempt to get close to Bella with that hulk around. Which leads me to wonder what's wrong with you?"

"Haha, very funny. I'll let you in on a little secret. I was scared shitless of Jake and what he could have going on with Bella, but that was before I actually got to know both of them. Jake is a big softie when it comes to Bella, well other than protecting her. But she mostly wears the pants in that relationship. I won't lie, they do have a very close bond and I did have trouble with it at first, but I know it is only platonic. They refer to each other as friend soul mates. They attempted to date at one point but the first time they kissed, they knew it would never happen. They are too much like brother and sister. I'm glad she has him in her life. If not for Jake, I don't know where Bella would be today. Did you know he gave up his dream of going to ASU just so Bella would be able to follow hers?"

"Wow. No I didn't know that. He really is an incredible young man. Charlie talks about him all the time. He's mentioned that without Jake, Bella wouldn't have taken her scholarship but he never mentioned the details. Charlie thinks of Jacob as another son. He knows without him that Bella would have let herself be consumed with grief. But Edward, I'll tell you this. He sees you as the person responsible for helping Bella get to the point where she was ready to confront what happened. He thinks you were the catalyst for her decision."

I was speechless. I knew I had something to do with her vast improvement, but I would never for a second take all the credit. I just think I was one of many factors that helped her realize what she needed to do. My thoughts were interrupted by my dad's voice.

"Edward, your mother and I feel the same way about Bella. Until you met her it was like you were just going through the routine of life. I know you were going to therapy and it was helping you to deal with what happened, but you weren't really living. But you're a completely different person since you met Bella. You're mom and I are eternally grateful for her. And Edward, your mom absolutely adores Bella. She is a wonderful young lady. One that your mom and I hope you keep around...indefinitely."

I think I almost swallowed my tongue. Did he mean that my mom and dad had already been thinking of my future with Bella...long term?

"Edward son. calm down over there. I can hear the gears turning in your head. Let me elaborate a bit more. You and Bella are still young and still have a bit more college left in front of you. You more so than her. Just know that if you and Bella choose to remain together for...how ever long, we are perfectly fine with that. And I'm supposed to tell you that your mother isn't opposed to having another daughter in the future...one named Bella in particular." He laughed at the expression on my face.

"Thanks for the utterly confusion clarification dad..."

"Anytime Edward. Seriously, no pressure. We like Bella. And we like you with Bella. You know we're not prying parents unless circumstances requires us to be. We just want you to know that we are incredibly happy with how much you've changed over the past few months. If things don't work out for you and Bella in the long term, we will always be grateful to her for helping you heal as she has done. Just as I'm sure that Bella's family and friends will always be grateful to you as well."

"Thanks dad. But just so you know...I want the long term. I was just surprised that you and mom were already thinking in that direction. To be honest, we both know that we're it for each other. We've already talked about it. She's my life dad and I'm pretty positive she feels the same about me."

It was my turn to laugh at the expression on my dad's face.

"Well, I wasn't expecting that, but this is you we're talking about. I should have guessed it. The devotion you have to her is hard to miss. You look at her like I look at Esme. It's also how your father looked at your mother. It's a forever kind of love. I'm happy for you son. But let's not tell your mother just yet...she'll have Bella out shopping for dresses and picking out flowers before you can blink."

He was still chuckling when we walked into the hospital.

"Good morning Dr. Cullen." An older woman with long black hair spoke as we walked in. She smiled at my dad as he proceeded to introduce me.

"Good morning Carmen. This is my son Edward. He's here visiting for Thanksgiving."

"Hi Edward. Your father speaks of you often. It's nice to finally meet you." She smiled at me this time as I said hello.

"Unless something crazy happens in Forks today, I'll only be in for a few hours."

"Yes I remember. I marked your schedule earlier this week so everyone would remember. You haven't taken any time off since you started here."

"Well, we're getting a house full of company at some point today. My daughter Alice will be arriving along with her boyfriend, two of her suite mates, and their boyfriends."

"Wow, yes a house full indeed. I have a spare room if you and Esme need to escape." She grinned.

"We may very well take you up on that offer. Of course Esme is having way too much fun in the kitchen this year to leave the house...even with eight kids on college break in the house.

"Eight kids? Do you have a girlfriend Edward?" She asked, genuinely curious. I was getting ready to answer when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"He sure does." I heard a deep voice reply. I jumped at the sound, not expecting someone to sneak up on me.

"Chief Swan, what brings you by today?" Carmen asked.

I turned quickly to smile at Charlie.

"I just wanted to check on the little girl that was in that wreck last night. I know she wasn't hurt badly, but I wanted to check all the same."

"She was perfectly fine. She had to get a few stitches but she was just as sweet as she could be about it. She was able to go home last night."

"Everything okay Charlie?" My father asked.

"Oh yes. That was the wreck I got called to last night after dinner. Out of town family got hit. Someone ran a stop sign. I don't know how they managed, but somehow they were able to maneuver so that the damage to both cars was fairly minimal, but the backseat passenger window busted and the little girl got some cuts on her arm."

"Well I'm glad there were no major injuries. That could have turned into a very bad situation for all involved." Carlisle stated in relief while Charlie nodded in agreement.

"So where's Bells this morning?"

I couldn't help but smile at the mention of her name.

"She and Esme were in the kitchen before the sun even thought about rising this morning...this is after staying up until one this morning. They ran out of the house a bit ago to pick up the last few items on their list. I stole Edward away soon after...Esme and Bella have both already had to threaten bodily harm if he didn't stay out of the goodies in the kitchen. Figured there'd be less temptation if he wasn't there. Of course I'm pretty sure the sweets aren't the only reason he keeps sneaking in the kitchen." My dad laughed at the smirked on Charlie's face...while I blushed and cringed.

Carmen was looking between the three of us with a look of curiosity on her face.

"Charlie? Are you three talking about your Bella?"

"Absolutely." He smiled widely.

"I'm so sorry to be nosey, but how does she know the Cullen's? She hasn't been home in a while."

Wow, this really was a small town.

"Well, long story actually, but I'll give you the short version. Bella is roommates with Alice Cullen. They never realized that Carlisle was interviewing for the job here in Forks until the day they were moving in to their dorm. Seems the parents weren't that important in the phone calls the two shared prior to moving in together." He chuckled. "Anyhow, Alice was talking about the interview and mentioned Forks. Bella thought it was pretty dang ironic. They got a good laugh out of the whole situation. Think about it...Alice was living in Alaska at the time...Bella was moving from Phoenix and they figure out that they are both connected to Forks."

"Such a small world." She laughed while smiling.

"It is indeed. One of the first things Bella mentioned was to let her know if we ever got a speeding ticket in Forks because she had connections." My dad laughed as Charlie started mumbling about that sneaky child of his. They joked a few minutes about that before Charlie returned to the original question Carmen had asked me.

"And to answer your earlier question, yes Edward does have a girlfriend. My Bells." Charlie beamed. I was shocked. He looked extremely happy and pleased about that.

"Wonderful!" She exclaimed. "She is such a sweetheart, Edward. You better treat her right."

"You don't have to worry about that." I assured her. She was paged to a patients room and left the three of us to chat. About ten minutes later, Charlie got called out.

"I'll see you later. If it's still okay, I was planning to stop by for a bit tonight and visit."

"You know you're always welcome." My dad said while shaking his hand. Seems those two were forming a pretty great friendship.

"Edward, stay out of Bella's way. She is dangerous with a wooden spoon." Charlie warned me while absentmindedly rubbing the back of his hand.

My dad and I both laughed. My mom and Bella were more alike than I realized. We stayed at the hospital for close to three hours. He let me observe as he tended to the few patients he had. The other time was spent in his office, just talking, as he completed paperwork. This hospital had quite a different feel to it than the one he worked at in Alaska. It was smaller, but even more than that, the atmosphere was more welcoming. I was able to meet a few of my dad's colleagues, all female, and was greatly pleased that none of them flirted with my father. They actually asked after my mom and seemed to be truly interested in his family. I always hated that part of going to work with my dad in the past. So many fake people that wanted to get into my dad's pants. A few nurses had even lost their jobs for their unethical behavior concerning my dad. Luckily he has never seen anyone but Esme and she trusts him completely.

"Ready to go home? We still have a few hours before the circus arrives but I'm sure there is something we can do to help the ladies. Maybe we'll even be asked to taste test." He sounded hopeful.

I had been exchanging text with Bella throughout the day and knew that she and my mom were making a big dent on their list of to do's. It was early afternoon when we arrived back at the house. Dad and I had made a pit stop to the diner for a couple of burgers on our way home. I was nearly knocked over when I opened the front door. It smelled amazing and my mouth immediately started to water.

Dad and I walked in the kitchen just as Bella was pulling an apple pie from the oven. It looked fantastic. The urge to stick my finger in it for a taste nearly won out until I saw the look on Bella's face.

"You go right ahead Edward Anthony and you'll be going straight back to the hospital to get treatment for 3rd degree burns. This pie has been in a 400 degree oven for the past hour. Think about that for a moment."

My mom grinned at Bella while my dad openly laughed at me. But I couldn't find it in myself to really care about the teasing.

"Yes dear." I answered.

"Such a fast learner." My mom cheered.

"Is there anything we can do to help Esme dear?"

"Actually, if you and Edward don't mind will you check to make sure that all the bathrooms are stocked with fresh towels and supplies? Also, make sure that the guest bedrooms are ready too. Afterwards, I need you two big strong men to put the leaf in the table for me. Oh and please bring in the spare folding table from the garage. Set it up in the empty corner of the living room. Bella and I are running out of room to put things."

It was then that I really took notice of the kitchen. They had been busy. The counter tops were covered with cookies, pies, and cakes. There were also an assortment of snack foods. I saw sausage balls, cheese balls, Jalapeno poppers, meatballs, and something that I didn't know what it was.

"Bella, what's that?" I asked, pointing to a large bowl of what looked like powdered covered squares.

"Oh, that's trash. Jake loves it."

"Excuse me? Did you say trash?" She burst out laughing at my expression.

"It's just chex cereal that was covered with melted chocolate and peanut butter. Once the cereal is completely covered, I pour powdered sugar into a small trash bag. You just pour the cereal into the powdered sugar and shake the bag until the cereal is covered in powdered sugar. Esme thought I was crazy when I asked for a trash bag." She laughed.

"Yes I did, but then I saw the logic behind it. Pretty inventive. It's also really good and addictive. Try some."

I did and she was right.

"I hope you made more than that."

"Of course I did. Jake can take that bowl out all by himself within minutes. We actually bought six boxes of cereal to make sure there was enough. Trust me, there will be plenty."

I placed a quick kiss on her lips and could taste sugar.

"You've been sampling the goods." I accused.

"Of course I have. I'm the cook. It's allowed."

"Come on son. Let's get out of the kitchen so these fine young ladies can get back to work. We have our own list of things to work on."

I gave Bella one more kiss before following my dad out of the kitchen.

It didn't take long to finish up the 'honey do' list...as my dad calls it. Afterwards, we made sure there was plenty of cooking oil...and a few fire extinguishers, in the garage. My mom decided that we needed to try fried turkey this year. This is in addition to the traditional baked turkey. And let's not forget the rotisserie turkey.

I managed to sneak into the kitchen a few times throughout the afternoon but I was inevitably run off. Once Bella and my mom had finished up all the desserts and finger foods, they started on the main meal...well meals. The desserts had been moved to our over sized laundry room. Mom always said it would come in handy. The table that I moved into the empty corner of the living room was no longer empty. It was full of finger foods.

The kitchen counters were now covered in turkeys...in all stages of preparation. I counted nine turkeys total. I also spotted two large hams. We'd never had ham with Thanksgiving dinner but Jasper had been talking about a real country ham for weeks now. Esme had the hams shipped in from somewhere down south.

I stood in awe of how well my mom and Bella worked in the kitchen together. It seemed they had perfected their dance. I had my doubts that anyone else would even be allowed in that room tonight...or tomorrow. I also highly suspected that Esme and Bella were creating a tradition that I hoped would be followed for many years to come.

Not wanting to bother them and get in the way, I decided to sit down at my piano and play for a bit. I let my mind wonder as I played piece after piece, losing track of time. I was just starting on a new piece I was working on when I felt arms around me and warm breath on my neck.

"I love hearing you play." Bella whispered as she placed soft kisses along my neck.

"I love it when your lips are all over me." I groaned out. She giggled.

"Play with me?" I asked and then burst out laughing at the expression on her face. She was staring at me slack jawed with one eyebrow raised. It was then that I realized what I asked.

"Oh Bella...you're thinking dirty." And of course she blushed.

"Shut up." Was her only defense. Once she regained her normal color, she sat down on the bench with me. We played a few songs before she decided it was time to get back in the kitchen.

"Alice called about an hour ago. They're already on the road. They should be here by 7:30. Jake is going to run Billy to his Aunt's on the reservation and then he and Angela will be coming back here for the night. He's also going to stop and pick up the massive pizza order your mom is currently placing."

"Sounds good. Is there much left for you and mom to do?"

"Not as much as I was anticipating. We've actually gotten quite a bit done today. We still have to get up early in the morning though. We've got a lot of food to cook or heat up. Not to mention the turkeys. You guys are going to be in charge of frying. The baked and rotisserie turkeys will cook overnight. Esme wants to deliver the food to the Police station and hospital between 11 and 12 tomorrow." She finished with a yawn.

I took the time to really look at her. While she looked perfectly happy and content, I could tell she was exhausted. The circles under her eyes were darker and more pronounced than they were even just yesterday.

"Babe, you look exhausted." I blurted out.

"Is that your nice way of telling me I look like crap." She smirked.

"Not at all. You're always beautiful to me. You just look like you're stretching yourself too thin."

"I know. I promise I'll rest all weekend. I'll even take a nap after we deliver the food tomorrow. We aren't eating here until supper time."

"How about we go take a nap right now?"

She frowned and was getting ready to say no when my mom stepped in.

"Yes, you two go take a nap."

"But Esme, we still have so much to do."

"And it will get done. But you'll be no good to me if you're too tired to stand." She smiled.

"Okay." Bella agreed with a smile. She pulled me off the piano bench, hugged my mom, and then we made our way to my room.

We spent a few minutes kissing before Bella was out cold. She really was tired. Not five minutes after Bella fell asleep, my mom came to check on her.

"I'm glad you suggested a nap Edward. I was about to but didn't want it to seem like I didn't want her help anymore. She's been a godsend."

"She's had just as much fun as you have. It's just been a busy few weeks for her. She just goes and goes until she can't possibly go anymore. I think I'm going to plan a lazy day for us on Friday. Pajamas all day. Watching movies. Anything to just relax."

"That sounds wonderful dear. Just remember we have to get the tree on Friday. Now you get some rest too. Your sister and friends will be here before too long. I'll be sure to wake you up once the pizza gets here." She bent over me to kiss the top of Bella's head, ruffled my hair, before walking out of my room.

I got comfortable beside Bella and she curled herself closer to me; throwing her leg over my hip and burying her face in my chest. It didn't take long before I drifted off to sleep as well. I was having a particularly nice dream that involved Bella, the beach, and a tiny bikini when the most amazing sensation overtook me. I slowly came to consciousness feeling Bella's fingers trailing up and down my chest. Her hands slowly drifted down to the waist of my jeans where she popped the button.

"Bella..."

"Hey sleepyhead." She purred as she kissed me. Her hand continued to play with the zipper of my jeans.

"Ar...aren't you supposed to be t...t...taking a nap?" I stuttered out.

"I was...but you must have been having a mighty good dream. You were moaning my name, it woke me up. Then I couldn't help but notice what was pressing into my thigh."

"I can't help what you do to me...even in my dreams." I kissed her neck while rolling her onto her back. She rocked into me, almost making me come undone. It's true that we had concerns about our physical relationship but we had both decided to just do what felt natural. If there were issues, we'd deal with them.

"Baby..."

"Shhh..." she shushed me as she ground into me yet again. I let me head fall to her shoulder. She continued placing kisses along my neck while running her hands into the back of my pants. She squeezed my ass as she pushed up into me, yet again. I was getting ready to run my hands up the soft skin of her stomach...and further, when the intercom crackled.

"Edward...Bella. It's time to get up." My mom's voice was more effective than a bucket of ice water.

"Fuuuuuuck..."

"Later. I still owe your from last night. Just start keeping a tab." She purred as she gave me one more kiss while I pleaded with her to ignore the people downstairs.

"We need to get downstairs. You know just as well as I do that if we aren't down there in the next five minutes, Alice will come to check on us."

"Bella, I can't go down like this." I said while gesturing to the bulge in my pants. She just stared at it and bit her lip.

"Like that's helping..."

"I'll go on down and distract them." She finally said while giggling. She jumped out of bed and walked out the door.

I was finally able to join her ten minutes...and a cold shower later.

I had to laugh...her distraction wasn't even needed.

"They haven't even realized I'm downstairs." She giggled.

Emmett and Jasper were shoving handfuls of 'trash' into their mouths. Alice and Rose were gawking at all the food that had already been prepared. Esme was just beaming at the whole lot of them, while Carlisle joined Em and Jasper.

"Hello!" Bella yelled at them. Everyone jumped, then laughed.

"Hells Bells!" Em squealed...actually squealed. "This is some amazing shi...I mean stuff."

Esme laughed. Carlisle agreed.

After grabbing a few more handfuls, Jasper and Emmett started taking bags to their respective rooms. The girls ran upstairs to freshen up a bit. It had been a long ride from Seattle. They weren't as lucky as Bella and I. They hit major traffic. It's a good thing they left earlier than they anticipated. Jake called just as everyone was coming back downstairs to let us know that he and Angela were on their way to the house. They had just picked up the pizza.

Thirty minutes later we were all sitting around the living room eating pizza and watching Avatar, well more like it was providing back ground noise. We'd really watch it later.

"Bells...you did make more trash didn't you? Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum have almost finished off this bowl." Jake pouted.

"Of course I made more. I know how you all eat."

"What else did you and Esme make? The house smells amazing."

"Dessert wise we've made dozens of cookies, pies, and cakes."

"What kind?" Jake was extremely interested in the food.

"Jeez Jake. Cookie wise, chocolate chip, oatmeal, shortbread, peanut butter. We've made pecan pie, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, apple pie, Hershey bar cake, pumpkin bread, lemon pie, hummingbird cake, red velvet cake. I honestly can't remember it all."

Jake, Emmett, and Jasper all had glazed over looks.

"Well I know what I'm having tomorrow." Emmett finally stated.

"What's on the menu for tomorrow?" Alice asked.

"The usual with a few surprises." Esme answered but refused to say anything more. I knew that there were a few items that we being kept a secret...such as the country ham. My mom, Bella, and Alice were all determined that Jasper would have a wonderful Thanksgiving. This was the first time he'd left school for Thanksgiving since moving to Seattle. He never went into much detail but I knew enough to know he wasn't used to a close knit family. He had told me that my family and Bella's had made him feel more like family than his own mother did.

Charlie came over after we finished off the pizza, but Esme being Esme, had already set aside a few pieces for him. After he nearly swallowed three pieces whole, he dug into the preferred dessert of the night.

"Bells...I love that you are living closer to home now and will be spending more time here...but damn, my waist line is going to suffer."

"Dad, you've been eating the majority of your meals at the diner for how many years now? Your waist line has held up just fine." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Smart ass..." he mumbled.

"You can't win with her Charlie. You know that. No matter how much you try, she is always going to one up you." Jake pointed out with a smile.

"The one thing she got from her mother." He laughed.

"Be nice!" Bella yelled from the kitchen.

"Oh yeah...she got her hearing from her mom too. I swear, Renee could hear a sarcastic comment aimed at her from miles away." He grinned at her as she walked into the living room.

"Shut up dad and drink your beer." Bella handed him a beer, kissed his cheek, and bounced back to the kitchen.

"See Rosie, that's how a women is supposed to treat a man."

We all rolled our eyes at Emmett. We didn't have to wait long for the required slap to the back of the head. Charlie and my dad were just staring slack jawed at the two of them.

"You get used to them. I keep thinking Em will learn, but we fear that some portion of his brain has been damaged from all the hits he's taken." Angela whispered loudly to the group.

"Keep it up Em. I still have the hot pink finger nail polish and those lacy stockings." Rose smirked at him. Now usually mentioning such items would have made Em grin, but not this time. He looked terrified.

"Sorry babe." He managed to get out through his look of horror. The rest of us could do nothing but stare.

Bella came back into the living room carrying more snacks. Before she could even set the platter of cookies on the table, Jake and Em nearly tackled her to the ground.

"Jeez...where did your manners go?" She scolded.

"Sorry Bells." Jake apologized. Em attempted an apology but his mouth was too full of cookies to form words.

"Sit down a minute." I pleaded. The nap had done her some good, but she still looked really tired.

"Yes, make her sit down." Esme yelled from the kitchen.

"You're banning me from the kitchen." Bella gasped in horror.

"Just for a few minutes sweetheart. You need to take a break. I'm only washing up a few dishes. I'll be there with our special hot chocolate in just a minute." I knew that meant spiked...

I managed to pull her down in my lap and she immediately relaxed. Alice nearly climbed on the top of both of us and started hugging Bella.

"Thank you so much Bella. My mom loves to cook and as much as I enjoy the food, I'm just not much help at all. She's always wanted someone to actually help out. I usually sit on the counter and talk to her or help her clean up the dirty dishes. You've made her so happy this year."

Bella blushed. I knew she was nervous that Alice would be offended by the amount of time she was spending with Esme.

"I've had a blast. Renee isn't much of a cook so while I spent a good deal of time in the kitchen cooking, it was usually by myself. Jake, Katie, and Elizabeth always kept me company, but they weren't much use otherwise." She laughed. "It feels really good to have a mom figure in the kitchen with me. It was something I missed out on."

I could see my mom standing in the door way with a huge smile on her face and of course...tears in her eyes. I raised my eyebrows at her but she shook her head and walked back in the kitchen.

"Well I know mom has really enjoyed your company. Not only do you know how to cook, you're great at it!" Bella pecked Alice's cheek before snuggling back into my chest. Alice returned to her spot by Jasper. I noticed that Charlie had watch the whole exchange with a smile. He saw me looking and winked before turning back to his conversation with Jake and Carlisle.

Bella was nearly asleep when my mom came back into the living room with a thermos of hot chocolate, mugs, and whipped cream. Angela, Rose, and Alice all fixed themselves a cup. My mom fixed one for Bella and herself with lots of whipped cream. Bella giggled when she took a sip and got the cream all over her nose. I couldn't help myself, I kissed it off.

I heard a chorus of 'awwws' from the couch. Luckily Charlie was too engaged in his conversation with Carlisle to pay us any attention. Of course he had already given her permission to sleep in my bed, so me kissing her nose shouldn't have even raised an eyebrow.

"Esme, if you're making me take a break...well you have to take one too. I'm sure you're exhausted after the day we've had."

"Not at all. I'm used to doing this by myself. You've really taken quite a load off of me. Besides, we only have a few more things to work on tonight. We'll take a thirty minute break then get back to it. Enjoy your cocoa."

"Yes ma'am!"

Charlie and Carlisle were watching their interaction with smiles on their faces. I'll admit, it melted my heart to know that my mom and Bella got along so well. But at the same time, I did feel a pang of sadness that my mother and father would never meet Bella, or see how happy she makes me. I usually try to not think of my parents during the holidays but this year it seems that it's harder to shut the memories of them out. I actually wanted to share my old family albums with Bella. I know it doesn't make sense but I feel that by sharing those memories with her, that she'll somehow know my parents, just a little.

"What's got you thinking so hard?" I heard her sweet voice in my ear.

I squeezed her tighter to me.

"Just thinking about something I want to share with you later."

"You perv." She snickered.

"That isn't what I was thinking about at the moment, but that too."

"Well then what's going on in the pretty head of yours."

I looked around and saw that every else was engaged in conversation.

"I was thinking about my parents...my real parents." I saw a flash of sadness cross her eyes.

"I'm sorry Edward. You don't have to talk about it."

"But that's the thing. For the first time in a really long time, I want to. Sometime while were home, I'd like to share my family albums with you and just tell you about my parents. They would have both loved you. I wish they were here to meet you, to see how happy you make me."

"I'm sure I would have loved them too. They had to have been wonderful people to create such an amazing son. I know you were raised by Carlisle and Esme, but your parents built your foundation. They created the canvas that Esme and Carlisle were able to add to. The end result is a beautiful man, inside and out." She stated proudly as she gave me a quick kiss. I was speechless. I couldn't say anything, so I just kissed her back and hugged her tighter.

We discussed the plans for the rest of the Thanksgiving break, while Carlisle, Charlie, Jake, and Emmett finished off yet another bowl of trash. Alice and Rosalie were busy on Alice's laptop, doing their favorite past time as of late...scrutinizing every aspect of the wedding location, the hotel, and researching the hundreds of activities that were available. Angela was curled up on the couch reading a book while Jasper was just taking everything in. Esme and Bella were discussing the schedule for cooking and food delivery tomorrow. It was going to be another early morning for them. I was determined that she would do nothing but rest on Friday. Well with the exception of decorating the Christmas tree, but that wasn't a stressful activity. It could be done in little time while still in pajamas.

We were going to go to La Push on Saturday for dinner and a bonfire. The tribe was welcoming Billy back with open arms, even if he hadn't made the official decision to move back. Bella and Jake were positive it was only a matter of time.

I felt Bella moving from my lap and I tightened my arms around her to hold her in place.

"Edward...I've got to finish helping Esme. We won't be long. I promise." I pouted and she kissed my nose before I reluctantly let her go.

All the girls followed her and Esme into the kitchen. Me, Jake, Emmett, and Jasper decided to play Halo for a little while. Charlie and Carlisle were still deep in conversation. Turns out they were discussing an ice fishing trip that he and Charlie were going to surprise Billy with once the trip to Hawaii was over. Never knew that my dad liked ice fishing.

Charlie left around 10:30 but ducked into the kitchen to tell Bella goodbye. Esme assured him that lunch would be delivered by 12 noon the next day. Not long after he left, the kitchen emptied out. The turkeys had been put in the ovens and rotisseries to cook over night. My dad and I were getting up early to fry the remaining turkeys...I admit, I was scared. I've read and heard too many horror stories about people attempting to fry a turkey.

Bella took her spot in my lap again before confiscating my controller. The guys didn't even realize she had taken control of my character. When I immediately started doing better (taking them all out), they quickly jerked their heads around and saw that it was Bella who was kicking their asses.

"I should have known. Bells, sometimes I regret getting you into video games. I swear, it bites me in the ass every time."

"Don't you mean knocks your ego down a bit?" She laughed.

"Same thing...let's go one more round. Now that I know what I'm dealing with, I won't be taken off guard." Jake grumbled.

"Suit yourself." Bella giggled.

I watched in awe as she stalked and then took each of them out, at least twice. She really was good at this game. She laughed the whole time and I was enjoying watching her have so much fun. She eventually talked Alice, Rose, and Angela into playing a few rounds. Rose and Angela had played before since Emmett practically forced them to. Alice hadn't. She didn't have much use for video games as a rule, but somehow Bella had gotten her to play more than a few. Surprisingly, she picked up on Halo pretty quickly. We decided that once we got back to school, we'd have a game night; girls versus guys. The guys were going to take over Jake and Em's room and the girls would obviously stay in their suite. We were all looking forward to it. The girls all agreed that they needed some practice time before our battle of the sexes. Gotta love XBox live.

"Okay, I'm calling it a night. I'm beat." Bella declared as she stood up and stretched.

"Sweetie, we shouldn't need to get up before 7 in the morning. Edward and Carlisle are going to fry the turkeys and we don't have that much food to fix. Get some sleep."

"Will do Esme." She gave my mom a hug then told the group good night before hugging me last.

"I'll be up in just a minute. I want to make sure everyone is okay and settled. I'm going to shoo my mom off to bed too. You both need some sleep."

"Don't take too long. I need my pillow." She stood on her toes to give me a quick kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I responded. Esme was observing us quietly but I could see the tears in her eyes...again. I was going to have to have a talk with her. I figured now was just as good of a time as any. I walked over and put my arm around her shoulder.

"Got a minute to talk before you run off to bed?" She nodded her head and lead her over to the piano bench. It was out of the way and would give us privacy from the others.

"What's on your mind sweetheart?" She asked. I chuckled.

"Well I was actually going to ask you the same thing. You seem to be a bit misty eyed today. Is everything okay?" She smiled.

"Just happy Edward, like I told Bella earlier. These are happy tears. I'm just so glad to see you so happy, carefree, and open again."

I knew I had closed myself off after the ordeal with Jessica, but I guess I didn't realize just how much so.

"Was I really that bad mom?" I could hear the anguish in my voice.

"Edward, I'm not upset with you." I guess my tone was a little harsh, I didn't mean for it to be.

"No mom. You misunderstood me. I'm sorry. I just feel bad about the way I was after. I honestly didn't realize that it had gotten so bad. I tried to hide a lot of it from you and dad. You two had already done so much for me and I didn't want you to hurt because of me anymore than you already were. I guess to me the way I behaved just became my normal behavior."

"Oh my sweet boy. Don't you worry about that. You can't help how you reacted to such life changing events. Your father and I would never hold that against you. And just so you know, you were able to hide a lot from dad and me. But you can't hide anything from Alice. What we saw was bad enough but Alice was there everyday. She watched you slip further and further into yourself. She was so worried for you Edward."

"I'm so sorry." I said again. I knew I needed to have a heart to heart with Alice, but that would have to wait for another time. I needed to make sure my mom was okay.

"So the tears...they're happy?"

"Definitely happy. I can't even begin to express how much you have changed since meeting Bella. We can all see the difference. It's just amazing. It warms my heart seeing you two together. The way you two interact. Edward, it's like she's your other half. You two moved as if you were magnets. She moves, you move. You move, she's right behind you. But it's not in a clingy way. It just seems it's natural for you two. The feelings aren't one sided either. It is plainly obvious that the feelings fun deep on both sides."

I couldn't help but smile and nod my head in agreement.

"She seems to have healed the rift in your heart. I know you say you realize that you never really loved Jessica, but sweetie, even if you realize that now, you did think you felt that way about her at the time. That girl broke you. I was so scared that you would hide yourself away forever, just to avoid even the possibility of that type of pain again. You deserve to be happy Edward. I'm just so happy and thankful that you found Bella." She smiled through her tears but I could see something more in her eyes.

"Is that all that's on your mind?" I inquired.

"You know me so well." She gave a watery laugh. "Given everything I've heard, observed, and said...I still worry."

"Worry?"

"It's just a mother thing. I know everything is great now, I'm just scared that something might happen between the two of you...and Edward, I don't think I can handle seeing you go through any of that again."

My first reaction was to get angry. Bella would NEVER do anything to me like Jessica did. I was absolutely positive about that. But as soon as the feeling flashed through me, it disappeared. I knew Esme was just concerned about me. She had been there for me and saw what the situation with Jessica had done to me...and I didn't love Jessica. Bella was my world.

"Mom, you don't have to worry about that. I know this may sound crazy given that we've only know each other for a short time...but she's it for me. And I know she feels the same about me. Don't ask me how we know, we just do. She's my future. I can't see me without her. She didn't just save me...she made me want to live again."

More tears...

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you said everything right. You two are more perfect for each other than even I thought. Just know that you picked a good one Edward. The more time I spend with Bella, the more I find to love about her. She's special and I hope you two hold on to each other with both hands. Just so you know...I'm not opposed to having another daughter." She winked. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Are you and dad trying to get rid of me?"

"Absolutely not! Just letting you know that you have our full support. Plus, it wouldn't be getting rid of you. We'd be gaining a daughter. I think we have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving."

"Me too."

I heard the TV turn off and everyone started moving around. I hugged Esme once more before moving into the middle of the living room.

"Ready for bed?" I asked Alice.

"Beyond ready. It's been a long day. Tomorrow is going to be busy too. I don't know how Bella is even functioning. Poor thing hasn't slept well in weeks."

"I know, but I'm planning a lazy day for us on Friday. You are all welcome to join us. I've already told her she isn't allowed to get out of her pajamas, except to pick out the Christmas tree. Planning on just taking it easy. Movies, naps, music, games. She needs a break. I think we could all use one."

"That sounds like a great idea Edward." Angela smiled. "I'm definitely in."

Everyone agreed that it sounded like the perfect way to spend the day. Alice was muttering about manicures and pedicures when she dragged Jasper up the stairs. I knew that she would have a whole list of relaxing things to do by Friday. Most of them would include at home spa treatments, but I didn't think Bella would mind. I walked Rose, Emmett, Angela, and Jake to the guest rooms. I knew they were a bit uncomfortable about sharing rooms with their significant others under my parents roof, but my mom and dad dispelled their worry within minutes of their arrivals.

They all got the same talk that Bella and I received. We were adults and they expected us to act as such. That they knew we all respected them and they trusted us. They also stated that by allowing couples to share rooms, it cut down on the sneaking around in a dark house. My friends were stunned. My parents just laughed.

I stopped by my dad's office on the way to bed and found my mom sitting on the corner of her desk, still crying.

"Mom, are you sure you're okay?"

"Happy tears Edward." My dad answered while giving me a wink. "Just know that your mother and I are very happy that you and Bella have found each other. We haven't known her long but we love her dearly. You two are wonderful for each other. Charlie agrees. You didn't even have to try that hard to get the father seal of approval. You know how lucky you are?" He laughed. "It took me two years before I was allowed to call your grandfather by his first name...and the man loved me!"

"I'm just sorry your parents aren't here to meet her." Esme sounded sad.

"Me too, but I'm glad that you and dad are here for us. I hope you know that while I wish they were here, I don't regret growing up with you as parents." This was a talk we had had often, but I always felt the need to let them know that although I wasn't raised by my biological parents, that I felt blessed that I had them. This was a great segue into a conversation I wanted to have with the both of them.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about them. I was wondering if I could take out the family albums. I want Bella to know them, even if only through pictures and memories. I was hoping that maybe we could take some time on Friday to sit down, just the four of us, and talk about them."

"I think that's a wonderful idea. It's been years since you've wanted to look at those albums." Carlisle observed.

"Yeah, but it just feels right this year." I knew I needed to leave the room or Esme would have me crying. "I'm going to bed. Just come wake me up in the morning when you need help with the turkey's."

"No problem. Night Edward. We love you."

"Love you too."

I retreated from his office and made my way to my room. I didn't expect Bella to still be awake, but I was a little disappointed that she was asleep. That quickly went away when I saw the peaceful look on her face. I made my way to my bathroom to get ready for bed. Afterwards I turned off the lights and crawled into bed.

Bella curled right into me, like she had been waiting for me all along. I kissed her lips lightly and closed my eyes.

"Love you." She mumbled in her sleep.

"I love you too." I answered back, knowing she was asleep but still wanted to respond.

As I laid in bed thinking over the last year, I reflected on all the changes that had occurred. I had gone through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. At times I felt as if my life were over and at others that my life was just beginning. It has been one hell of an emotional roller coster, but laying in bed with the love of my life snuggled next to me, I couldn't bring myself to be regretful of anything that had happened. I was starting to believe that things truly did happen for a reason. As painful as Jessica's betrayal and subsequent actions had been for me, I would go through it all over again if Bella was the end result. So no, I was no longer bitter. I couldn't find it in me to be anything but thankful. Thankful that this wonderful person found it in her heart to let me in and to love me unconditionally.

It was easy to fall into a peaceful sleep knowing that I'd wake up with my future beside me.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Would love to hear your thoughts. The next chapter will be from Bella's POV. **

**Again, thank you so much for sticking with this story. I promise, I will finish!**


	45. Chapter 45: Counting Blessings

**A/N: First of all, I want to thank everyone who has add this story to their favorites and alerts list. I'm so glad that people are still interested in this story, despite the lack of updating recently.**

**I PROMISE I am not abandoning this story. Life has been crazy this past year and writing has had to take a back seat, but no matter what, I WILL finish this story.**

**I apologize for any mistakes in this chapter. I don't have a beta. I've been editing this chapter for the past three days and every time I read through it, I keep finding errors as well as adding content. I finally just had to make myself stop.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 45: Counting Blessings**

**BPOV**

"Time to get up...Come on Edward, you have to help your dad." I felt like I was becoming a pro at waking Edward up. Of course he never made it easy either.

"Noooo...too comfy."

"You promised you'd help. If you don't get up, that will leave your dad all by himself. That's not cool Edward. Now get up." I huffed.

"No..."

"Fine...I didn't want to have to resort to such measures...but" and then I stuck my very cold feet on his very warm back.

"What the..." he yelled as he jumped out of bed.

"I told you to get up. Your own fault for not listening." I laughed at the expression on his face.

"You just wait. I'll get you back." And then he tackled me on the bed and started tickling me.

"Stop...please. I have to pee." I wailed. But at least it worked. He just laughed at me as I crawled out of the bed and ran to the bathroom. I had already been up for an hour. Esme and I had been drinking hot chocolate and just talking. I was never able to sleep late on the holidays, especially when I knew there was so much to do.

I was more excited about this Thanksgiving than any I could remember before. I do wish my mom and dad, and Phil were able to join us, but I knew they'd be here at Christmas. Despite how crazy things were, everything was running quite smoothly. Hence the ability for Esme and I to have our morning chat instead of rushing to get things ready.

I enjoyed the early morning talk with Esme. She opened up to me about a lot of things, only furthering our relationship. I feel extremely close to Esme, like she's another mom. Don't get me wrong. I love my mom, but up until recently, she really lacked the 'maternal' gene. Esme, however, seems to ooze it from all pores. Over the past few days, we've talked a lot about her's and Carlisle's decision to adopt. Of course with Edward, it was never a question. Esme had found out only the year before Edward's parents died that she was unable to have children. She and Carlisle had just finished grieving the lose of their potential children and making plans to adopt when Edward lost his parents.

After adopting Alice, there were thoughts of proceeding with a third adoption, but due to the circumstances of how both Edward and Alice came to live with them, they both decided to focus their attention on their two blessings.

I was very curious about Edward's parents and looked forward to him sharing more about them with me. But I was also very nervous. I knew that was a subject he rarely talked about...much less willingly.

I even broached the subject with Esme during our morning chat.

"_Esme, I want to ask you something but I don't want you to think I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong."_

"_Dear, you can ask me anything. If I don't feel it's my place to answer you, I'll tell you. But please, don't ever hesitate to ask me."_

_She always made me feel at ease._

"_Edward mentioned something last night about telling me more about his parents and sharing some photos with me. I just don't want him to feel that he has to. I guess I don't really have a question. I just need reassurance. I'm feeling very nervous and I don't want Edward to do anything that may cause him pain."_

_I could see the unshed tears in Esme's eyes when she answered me._

"_Bella, I can't tell you how relieved I am that he wants to talk about his mom and dad. He talked to Carlisle and I last night. He wants us to sit down with the two of you so we can all talk about his parents. This is something I've been waiting for for a long time. He's never really talked much about them and I think this will be a great thing for him. I promise, he wouldn't do this if he didn't want to. I'm just so happy that he wants to share them with you." She smiled and I immediately felt better. I was excited to learn about his parents but sad at the same time that the only way I would ever know them was through memories and pictures. I hate that they weren't given the opportunity to see the man that Edward has become. I know they would be proud._

Edward was already downstairs by the time I finished up in the bathroom. I decided to take a quick shower while in there. He and Esme were sitting at the bar talking quietly. I didn't want to intrude, but Edward saw me and called me over. He pulled me into a hug and gave me a big ole kiss. Esme giggled and Carlisle coughed from the doorway.

"Okay son...we need to start on the turkeys. You'll have to let Bella go now."

Edward actually pouted at his dad. It was just too adorable. His parents just laughed at him.

"I'll come out and see you in a little while...after I'm sure that you aren't going to blow anything up."

"You wound me!" Carlisle pouted. "I'd never let things get that far...I like turkey far too much to see it ruined."

Edward and Esme just shook their heads at him while I giggled.

"Come on old man." Edward taunted his dad while standing up from the bar stool.

"Who's old?" Carlisle asked while punching Edward in the shoulder. He was in rare form this morning.

Esme watched the two of them walk out of the kitchen like they were her world. You could see her heart in her eyes. She turned those same eyes on Alice as she came down the stairs a bit later.

"Good morning sweetheart." She said as she kissed Alice on the head. "It's a bit early for you isn't it?"

"Uggg...don't remind me." Alice groaned and she wrapped her arms around Esme's waist. "But honestly, I just wanted to spend some quiet time with you and Bella. I've missed you both this week." She smiled. "As you know, I'm not all that great in the kitchen, but I can follow directions or just keep you company."

"You're always welcome in my kitchen sweetie."

Alice grabbed a cup of hot chocolate and then set down beside me at the bar. She leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes again.

"Alice, are you sure you don't want to go back to bed?"

"I'm sure. I just...well, I just need to be down here this morning." She whispered. I could tell there was something wrong but didn't want to call her out on it. Esme gave me the perfect opportunity when she stepped outside to check on the boys.

"You okay?" I asked. "You know you can tell me anything and don't say it's nothing, I know you better than that."

"I promise I'm good. Just wanted to spend some time with two of my most favorite people. I'm so glad that you've been here to help out my mom. I'm never much help to her, no matter what she tells you. But it makes me smile to see you two interact. I just like being around the two of you when you are together. You two create a lot of positive energy."

"I've had so much fun Alice. I love Renee to death, but we never did this kind of thing together. I feel like I have a second mom in Esme. Renee was never really maternal, until the incident, but by that time, I had already taken on most of the adult roles in our relationship. I don't regret it at all. I love my mom but sometimes I wish we could have had more of a relationship like you have with Esme."

"Well how about this Bells...I'll share her anytime you want." Alice smiled at me.

"Are you pimping me out Alice?" We both jumped and turned towards Esme's voice. She was leaning against the wall, with tears in her eyes. I was starting to worry about her. She'd been crying a lot these past few days. "Just so you know, I don't mind it one bit." She walked towards us and wrapped her arms around the two of us. I heard her murmur 'my girls' as she kissed us both on the head.

"Okay, enough sappy. Let's get started. Your father and Edward have actually managed to start frying the turkeys without burning anything down...yet."

Esme turned on some Christmas music and soon we were all dancing around the kitchen and singing.

"Mind if we join?" We heard Rose ask. Angela was standing behind her giggling at the scene before her.

"Absolutely not...but you can't join unless you sing and dance." Esme responded. Just as she did, a jazzy upbeat song started to play. It was Harry Connick Jr. singing 'Santa Claus'. It was one of my all time favorite Christmas songs. Seems like it was a favorite for us all. We were all singing and dancing around, completely engrossed in the fabulous beats of the music and the heavenly voice of Harry. We didn't even notice the guys had been watching us until we heard the clapping and hooting. I couldn't believe Jake, Emmett, and Jasper were actually out of bed.

"Encore!" Carlisle called out. The others nodded in agreement.

"Maybe later. We've got some more cooking to do." Esme giggled out as she poured five cups of coffee. Jasper, Emmett, and Jake looked like they could really use it. "There's donuts and other pastries in the living room and I've got a fruit salad in the refrigerator if anyone would care for some." Those were like magic words to the guys. They all rushed to the living room for the sweets.

Carlisle just stared, slack jawed, at the three guys. Edward laughed at his dad's expression, simply saying, "you get used to it."

"How are the turkeys coming along?"

"We haven't burned anything down...yet." Edward answered Esme and I couldn't help but giggle at how much alike they were. I was giggling a lot this morning and I realized that I hadn't been this happy in years. I was so excited to spend this holiday with my family.

Alice, Angela, and Rosalie were munching on some fruit salad while Esme and I were making biscuits. It was a last minute addition to the menu. 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' started playing and before I could comprehend what was happening...I was wrapped up in Edward's arms.

"Hi." He whispered while giving me his killer smile.

"What are you doing? I've got dough all over my hands." I mock scolded.

"A little dough never hurt nobody." He laughed. "I just wanted to hold you close and I love this song." He stated quietly. We swayed to the song and I was almost able to completely block out all the awws that were surrounding us. I laid my head on Edward's chest and could hear his heart beating. When the song was over, he dipped me and gave me a not so parental friendly kiss. I was lost in him. It wasn't until I heard the click of a camera that I even remembered we had an audience. I also realized that I had buried my hands in Edward's hair...dough and all.

I blushed when I realized that our moment had been caught on film, but I was also extremely happy to have that moment forever captured. Edward grinned at me before pulling me upright.

"What was that you were saying about dough?" I laughed.

"Huh?"

"Sorry, but I kinda put my hands in your hair. You might want to go jump in the shower really quickly." I grinned.

"No way...I'm starting a trend. This stuff is way better than hair gel." He stated in a serious tone. "See...I'm actually able to tame this mane."

Nobody was able to hold back their laughs. It was pretty funny. Instead of 'taming his mane' as he stated...his hair was sticking straight up.

"Looks like your channeling Ben Stiller from 'Something About Mary' there bro." Emmett laughed. Edward actually blushed at the reference.

"Go take a shower." I whispered in his ear while kissing his neck. I could feel the shivers that went down his spine. "Later, I promise."

"Are you trying to kill me?" He whispered back while staring into my eyes. I watched intently as he lowered his lips to mine for yet another mind blowing kiss. He was dangerous with that mouth of his. I lost myself in him yet again, until I felt...

"What the..."

"Arrrrgggg..."

"Well that was the only way to break you two up." Esme grinned, standing beside the sink, holding the sprayer like she was wielding a gun. Water was running down my neck and soaking my shirt. Edward was in even worse shape.

"Mom...I can't believe you just did that!" Edward laughed.

"Just payback. Did you really think I'd forget? Was it or was it not you who did the exact same thing to me and your dad just this past summer..."

"That was Alice."

"Was not." She shouted. "That was so you Edward Anthony Cullen. Stop trying to get me in trouble."

"No worries sweetheart. I know it was Edward. But I also know that it was you put blue dye in my shampoo last Christmas." Carlisle stated with a maniacal look on his face.

"Oh shit." Alice squeaked. "I'm so gonna have to watch my back now. Daddy, I will not look right with blue hair." She pouted.

"Yeah, well neither did I. Try explaining to the Board of Directors why you have blue hair. I felt like I was in back in high school that day."

"I think I have found my long lost family." Emmett grinned at us all. "I mean, you guys are totally awesome. My parents _KNOW_ how I am and would still blow a gasket if I did something like that."

"Well, welcome to the family son! Hey kids, it's a boy!" Carlisle shouted.

Even though I was wet and had dough all over my hands, I couldn't have been happier. This is what family was all about.

"For real this time. Edward, you go shower. I'm sure the turkeys need to be checked. Bella, go put on some dry clothes sweetie. We need to finish these biscuits and I can't risk you getting sick."

"Sure thing." Edward and I answered at the same time.

"How cute." I heard Esme respond as we made our way upstairs. Edward squeezed my hand while smiling at me.

When we got to his room, he closed his door and then pushed me up against it.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" He asked.

"Well, I hope it's just as much as I love you. If not, I need to be committee because I have to be honest, I'm quite obsessed with you." I answered while pulling him down for a kiss. We, once again, got lost in one another. It was that damn intercom that interrupted up again.

"Do I need to come up there?" Jake asked in his big brother overly possessive tone. I marched over to the intercom and pushed the talk button.

"Come up here and die Jake." He just laughed at me.

"Fine...come up here and no desserts for you."

"Aw Bells, you don't play fair. That's hitting me where it hurts." He whined. Everybody else just laughed.

"Come on, go get cleaned up. No need to give them anymore chances to interrupt us." I sighed as I pushed Edward away from the door.

He grumbled the whole way to his bathroom about meddling friends and parents. I heard the shower turn on and had to force myself not to walk into the bathroom with Edward. Instead I grabbed a dry shirt and peeled the wet one off.

"You ARE trying to kill!" I turned around to find a nearly naked Edward right behind me. He had a towel wrapped around his hips and boy was it hanging low.

"I thought you were in the shower." I defended myself.

"I was getting ready to get in, but remembered you were wet. Thought you might like a towel to dry off with." He answered and held up an extra towel as proof. "But damn...I didn't expect to walk in on you half naked. And as nice as that is, I'm pissed that I can't take advantage of that fact."

"Later." I promised as I took the towel from him.

"You keep saying that...you're going to owe me quite a bit if this keeps up."

"Well I'd say we're about even right now. I mean, I may be shirtless here, but you're wearing nothing but a towel. A towel that could very easily just...slip off, with one easy tug."

"Later." He stated with his cheeky ass grin fully in place.

I stuck my tongue out at him, pulled on the dry shirt, and ran out of the room before we got ourselves into trouble. _Things to do, things to do, things to do_...I kept chanting in my head. I knew it was pointless when I started answering my internal thoughts with more internal thoughts..._Edward, Edward, Edward_. So it went a little something like this. _Things to do...Edward, Things to do...Edward_...yeah you can see where that isn't helping. AT ALL!

"Looking a little flushed there, Bells." Jake observed as I came back into the kitchen.

"Don't you have something better to do?" I snapped. But yeah, like usual he paid me no attention.

"And cranky too..." he muttered.

"Jake, I wasn't kidding about no dessert."

"Okay okay." He chuckled. "I got it. No more interrupting you and Eddie boy."

Esme was standing beside the stove, pouring boxes of elbow noodles into the pot for mac n cheese. She winked at me then promptly shooed the boys out of the kitchen.

"Okay men, us ladies have control of the kitchen today. Go play video games or something. Or you could always go outside and hang out with Carlisle. There's a basketball goal out there too. Go have some fun. I'll send Edward out as soon as he finishes with his shower."

"Yes ma'am." They answered in sync as they walked out of the kitchen.

"And that ladies, is how it's done." Esme smirked at us all. "Okay, now that they're out of the way, let's get started. Bella, can you finish the biscuits. Let's try to keep them out of Edward's hair this time. Alice, can you peel the potatoes? The pots on the back burners are for those. Rose, will you help her? Angela, can you peel these sweet potatoes? We baked them yesterday. I need them for the sweet potato soufflé. We've got roughly four hours before we have to leave to deliver the food."

"I still can't believe we're all up this early." Rose commented.

"Early? Bella and I have been up since 5:00am. You girls must be rookies!"

God I love Esme. She is such a character.

"Well she's right there. The holidays have never been a big deal in my family. I mean we get together but more time than not, we go out to eat." Angela told us. "You've all seen the way Emmett eats...imagine that times three. My dad and his dad eat just as much if not more. We decided years ago it was better on the pocketbook to go out to eat."

"My mom banned me from the kitchen when I was ten. I nearly burnt the house down trying to make french toast." Rose laughed. "I poured oil in the pan, don't ask me why I was using oil to make french toast, but anyway. The oil caught on fire so i grabbed a cup of water...let's just say that didn't make things any better."

We were all laughing by this point.

"Well I'm glad to have you all in my kitchen. And should anything go wrong, there's a doctor right outside." She grinned.

We turned the Christmas music up and got to work. After I finished the ten dozen biscuits...yes ten dozen, I started on the green bean casserole. It was Charlie's favorite. I swear, he would eat that and nothing else if I let him. I finished the casserole and then moved to help Alice and Rose peel potatoes. They had put a massive dent in the 25 pounds, but there were still quite a few left. Esme made the dressing, Waldorf salad, and then moved to help Angela finish the sweet potatoes.

Once the potatoes were boiling and the sweet potatoes were peeled, we did a quick clean up.

"Nice work ladies. We're ahead of schedule. Carlisle should be bringing the turkeys in shortly. He'll do all the carving. All that's left is to make the cheese sauce for the mac n cheese, the gravy, and corn on the cob. Bella will you grab the list. I want to make sure that we've made everything."

I grabbed the list and a pen.

"Let's start with the favorites. We've got cranberry orange relish for Angela, mac n cheese for Rosalie, country ham for Jasper, sweet potato soufflé for Bella, my dressing for Edward, mashed potatoes and gravy for Alice, Bella's green bean casserole for Charlie, Waldorf salad for me, and turkey for Carlisle. The boys seemed to be more interested in dessert. There's pumpkin cheesecake for Emmett, Hershey bar cake for Jake, and pecan pie for Jasper. We already made the deviled eggs, biscuits can be checked off, and the corn will be going on shortly."

"Wow, you included all of our favorites!" Rose squealed.

"Of course I did. I wanted you to all feel at home while here."

"Thank you so much Esme! I hardly ever get that relish."

"Thank Bella, she made it. Matter of fact she made quite a few of the dishes."

Carlisle and Jake brought the fried turkeys in and boy did they smell good. The rest of the guys were playing basketball and Jake quickly returned to the game. While the fried turkeys were cooling, Carlisle started carving the baked and rotisserie turkeys as well as the ham. The carving took quite a while. I made the cheese sauce for the mac n cheese while Esme finished up the mashed potatoes. Angela, Alice, and Rose washed all the corn and put the ears into boiling pots of water. The gravy was the last thing to be made. I couldn't believe how effortlessly everything came together.

Dividing the food up was the most difficult task of the past two days. The amount of food in the kitchen shocked me. I had never been a part of making such a large meal. It made me smile to think that something I helped do was going to bring smiles to peoples faces today. Around 10:15, Esme ran me upstairs to take a shower. Everyone else had already taken their turns. At first only Esme, Carlisle, Edward, Alice, and myself were going to deliver the food but our friends expressed a desire to go with us. I was in and out of the shower quickly.

We were planning to arrive at the hospital at 11:15. Esme had rented warming trays for both the hospital and the police station. She said there was no way all of our hard work would go to waste by having luke warm food. I walked out of the bathroom and found Edward sitting on his bed, waiting for me. I panicked thinking I was holding everyone up.

"I'm ready, I'm ready. Sorry, I didn't mean to take too long."

"Calm down babe. We aren't running late. We still have thirty minutes before we need to meet downstairs to leave."

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Edward was just smiling at me, giving me _that_ look.

"So, what are we going to do for the next thirty minutes?"

"Well why don't you join me on my nice comfy bed...and I'll show you."

And show me he did.

"Come on guys. Time to start loading up the food." I heard echo through the room.

"I really am starting to hate that intercom Edward."

He just laughed at me while attempting to fix his shirt.

"You better go brush your hair babe, or you'll never hear the end of it from Emmett."

I jumped up and ran to his bathroom. Lord was he ever right. I swear. I looked like I had been caught in a wind tunnel. Getting a brush through it was going to be impossible and I had no time to wash it again. I quickly twisted it into a knot at the base of my neck and prayed it didn't look completely awful.

"New rule. Your hands stay out of my hair if we have somewhere important to be. I'm gonna have to wash it when we get back if I have any hope of getting all the tangles and knots out anytime soon." I scolded.

He attempted to look sheepish but utterly failed. Instead he looked pretty damn cocky.

"Sorry...but I didn't hear you complaining..."

"Keep it up and we'll see who's complaining later."

"Later?" He whimpered.

"Yes...later." I walked out of his room and down the stairs. He was right on my heels.

"I'm sorry babe. I promise I'll help you fix it...later."

We were both laughing as we walked down the stairs. Esme and Carlisle were standing in the kitchen having a quiet conversation. I felt like we were intruding but they both looked up and smiled at us.

"Ready to load up the food? We need to leave soon."

"Just tell us what goes where and we're on it."

Esme took charge. We had already separated the food into boxes, depending on where it was going. With everyone's help, it took less than ten minutes for everything to be placed in the vehicles and we were ready to go. Edward and I rode with Esme and Carlisle. The others divided themselves up into two cars.

"So, what needs to be done when we get back home?" Edward asked.

"Well, we aren't eating until later in the evening but I don't want anyones appetite to be ruined by having a big lunch. So we have some finger foods and appetizers to munch on. Most of the food for our dinner is ready but there are a few finishing touches that have to be applied. I figured that if you boys were up for it, you could start dragging out the Christmas decorations."

"I think we can arrange that mom. Besides, if we get it done today, we won't have to worry about it tomorrow. Plus I'm sure Alice will want to take inventory so she can start the design." Esme and Carlisle chucked their agreement. But I was lost.

"Design?"

"Yeah, she designs the layout of our Christmas decorations every year. It's her thing, her contribution. She absolutely loves it."

"We have six Christmas villages that we've been collecting pieces on since the first Christmas Alice came to live with us. Each village has a different feel or theme to it. I won't get into it right now, but needless to say, she never really celebrated Christmas while she was with her biological parents. So we wanted to do something special for her. We were out shopping shortly after Thanksgiving that year when we came across a Christmas village in one of the store windows. Alice just stood there and took everything in. She was so mesmerized. It crushed me to realize that she had never spent a proper holiday with anyone. I marched right in that store and bought the entire display." Esme smiled as she remembered.

"Alice was so excited when they got home that afternoon. It wasn't a very large display but she had so much fun arranging it just right. It just grew from there. But instead of buying a particular display all at once, we let Alice pick a few pieces a year. Over the years, our collection has grown quite a bit." Carlisle beamed.

"It didn't take her long to start arranging all the Christmas decorations. I drew the line though when she tried to glue fake snow to my ceiling." Edward laughed. "She was convinced that it would just be the coolest thing...until she woke up covered in the crap. Turns out she had an allergic reaction to the stuff. Should have seen her face. She reminded me of one of those bobble head dolls...you know. Big head on a little body." Edward was full on laughing at this point.

"Wow. I bet that was something to see. I can't wait to see what she comes up with this year. There are so many places to put decorations in your house." I gushed. "I love decorating. That's one thing that Renee and I always did together. I'll miss it this year, so I'm glad that your family gets into the spirit."

"Well you can help all you want, but you have to promise me that you will take time to relax and rest while you are here. I gave your mother my word that I would see to it that you took care of yourself while you're here."

"I promise Esme. Plus, I've already promised Edward that the only thing I would do tomorrow is help decorate. I do have a favor to ask though..."

"Anything sweetheart."

"Well, I was hoping to sneak over to Charlie's sometime while I'm home and put his tree up for him. He hasn't bothered with it for years but I just feel like he'd appreciate it this year. He'll actually have friends and family in Forks."

"We can most certainly do that. Maybe we can go over on Saturday before going to La Push."

"Thanks so much Esme! I just hope he hasn't gotten rid of his old decorations."

"No worries, we have plenty. Just pick a theme and the box is yours." Esme offered. Again, Edward had to explain to me.

"Alice likes to have a theme every year, so we have quite a few boxes of unused ornaments. There will be plenty of choices for Charlie's tree." He smiled.

I felt such peace and contentment wash over me. My life had been such a roller coaster for the past two years. In the beginning I couldn't even tell you simple things...like what day it was. Sometimes I didn't even remember the month. I never would have wagered that my life would have completely turned around in such a short amount of time. This Thanksgiving was the complete opposite of my last.

Last year I couldn't help but think of everything that I had lost, of the things that would never be again, the tragedy the befell Elizabeth, the injustice that Katie faced. The complete and total unfairness of the entire fucked up situation. I sat in a pitch black room all day, refusing to be thankful for anything. I wasn't even thankful for my life.

Yeah...this year things were drastically different.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Edward whispered in my ear.

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry."

"No apologies needed. Just...are you okay?"

"I'm perfect. Just thinking about the difference a year can make." I kissed him softly as we pulled into the hospital parking lot. He squeezed me to him.

"I love you."

"I love you too Edward."

I noticed we had an audience and blushed, of course.

"Come on you two love birds. We've got a hungry mob waiting for us." Carlisle laughed. "I've heard rumors that some of the staff volunteered to work the morning/early afternoon shift just because someone was bringing food. We don't want to disappoint."

The others pulled up just as we were opening the car doors.

"Okay, I'm going to run in and make sure the warming trays are all set up. You kids start bringing the food in please. Bella, can you help me inside?"

"Sure no problem."

I followed her into the hospital and into a room that was set up with tables and chairs. There were just enough warming trays to accommodate the massive amounts of food that we brought. Carlisle was the first to join us, quickly followed by Emmett and Jake, who were both, to no ones surprise, carrying the desserts. I quickly started unloading the boxes and arranging the desserts. Esme was arranging the warmers under the trays and then quickly started filling the trays with food.

In no time at all, everything was set up. My mouth was watering. The food looked delicious.

"Oh mom, Bella. This looks fabulous. I cannot wait until supper time." Alice drooled.

"Me too." Emmett whined. "Do you know how many times I've been tempted to taste test, well...everything? I hope you two made enough for us tonight." He grinned.

"Don't worry. Bella warned me about how you boys eat. We are well more than prepared."

We quickly unloaded all the food, said a quick Happy Thanksgiving to the extremely appreciative staff and then headed to the police station.

Charlie was outside waiting with a few of his deputies when we arrived.

"Hey kiddo." He said while pulling me into a hug and placing a kiss on my head.

"Did you hide...well everything?" I asked. "You know how Emmett is."

"No worries. I assigned Sam here to watch over Em while you guys are in the building." I followed his gaze to the person in question.

"Sam?" I nearly squealed, sounding too much like Alice.

"You bet Bells!" He grinned. I ran over to him and threw my arms around his neck.

"Sorry I missed your last visit. Emily and I were at the Makah reservation visiting her family. Wedding plans are in full swing and everyone wants their say." He laughed.

"Well it's about damn time you two made it official." Jake stated as he walked over to us. "Good to see you." They did the man hug before continuing.

"Well Emily has finally put her foot down and insisted she make an honest man of me."

"When's the wedding?" I asked excitedly.

"June. You better be there." He demanded.

"Well you're in luck, because it just so happens that I'm planning to spend the summer in Forks with my dad." I beamed glancing behind me to see my dad smiling...and everyone else looking curious.

"I'm so sorry guys." I apologized to the group. "I haven't seen Sam in years. Got a little excited." I smiled sheepishly.

"No problem baby girl. I knew you'd be excited to see Sam. He joined the force not too long ago. I wanted to surprise you."

I made quick introductions with promises to elaborate more once all the food was set up inside. We followed the same routine from the hospital and in no time everything was ready to be served. My dad and Sam followed us back to the parking lot and I took a few minutes to acquaint everyone.

"Sam used to babysit me and Bells when we were younger. We always looked up to him as our big brother. He was extremely protective over both of us but especially Bella. She always called him her protector when we were kids. Kinda funny considering the tribal legends." Jake supplied while I glared at the two of them.

"Well you were exceptionally accident prone. Somebody had to keep you safe...even if it was nearly impossible." Sam teased.

"I still have the stuffed black wolf you gave me when mom and I left for Phoenix." I smiled while Sam grinned back at me.

"I had to send some sort of reminder of me when you moved. Thought a wolf was pretty appropriate."

My friends looked confused and Jake promised to tell them the legends when we had some free time. Sam promised that he and Emily would be at the bonfire on Saturday before saying his goodbyes and making his way inside to eat.

"Well kiddo I need to get in there and supervise."

"Yeah right dad. You aren't fooling anyone. You just want to go eat before your deputies eat it all."

"You caught me. Thanks again Esme. This was so extremely generous of you to do."

"Don't thank just me. Bella did quite a bit of work as well. Me and her make a great team."

"We really appreciate it. Hope you and Carlisle don't mind if I swing by after my shift tonight. Maybe I can join you for dessert."

"We'd love to have you Charlie. I've got some Vitamin R in the refrigerator with your name on it." Carlisle promised.

Charlie gave me a big hug before returning inside.

"Come on kids. We've got things to do." Esme rounded up the troops. "Quick meeting when we get to the house and then you are all on your own until supper time."

The drive back to the Cullen's home was filled with laughter and singing. I couldn't stop smiling. I was having such a wonderful time. Thanksgiving had barely started and I already was aching to spend Christmas with this family as well. Just thinking of spending Christmas and New Year's with my most favorite people in the world made me giggle.

"What are you thinking about this time?" Edward grinned at me.

"Sorry, just thinking about how much fun the holidays are going to be. Christmas is just going to be one big laugh fest. I still can't believe we are all getting together here in Forks and then going to Hawaii together. Still blows my mind."

"Me too! I can't wait."

"Us either." Carlisle chimed in from the front seat. "Esme and I are excited about hosting. We always wanted a big family so nothing could make us happier. Hawaii is just the topping on an already delicious cake."

It was a bit heartbreaking knowing that these two wonderful people were never able to have children of their own. They were two of the kindest, most generous, and loving people I had ever known. I once again felt myself giving a silent thank you that Edward had them. Alice too. The world would be a much happier and better place if there were more people like Esme and Carlisle.

Everyone piled out of the cars once we arrived back at the house and Emmett immediately started tossing a football in the air.

"Meeting first, free time second."

"Ohhh, come on mom..." Emmett whined while playing the mom card.

"Don't make me come over there." She scolded while shooting him a wink.

"Yes ma'am."

We were all laughing at their antics as we filed into the living room.

"Okay, so we have a few hours before it's supper time. Bella and I made lots of appetizers and snacks so we aren't fixing lunch today but there's food to hold you over until it's supper time. Just don't spoil your appetite! Now, I need you boys to help gather up the Christmas decorations and put them in the game room so we can start sorting them out later tonight. Bella, I want you to pick a box to take over to your dad's. With all of us pitching in, it shouldn't take long to have his place looking like Christmas."

"Thanks, I really appreciate that. I don't know how long it's been since he actually put a tree up."

"No worries. We'll make sure it's spectacular!" Alice promised.

All the guys followed Alice to the attic and immediately started filling up the game room. Esme moved into the kitchen and I followed.

"Anything you need help with?" I asked.

"Not at the moment. I'm going to relax a bit. Want some hot chocolate?"

"Absolutely!"

We fixed enough for everyone to have a cup. It didn't take long before the game room was filled with storage containers. Alice was already sitting in the middle of them all, looking like she was going to explode with excitement. Esme and I handed out hot chocolate and then she left to find Carlisle.

"Bella, I have the perfect decorations to take over to your dad's house. See?"

It was beyond perfect for Charlie.

"Alice, why in the world do you have this?" I asked, full of wonder and amusement.

"Believe it or not, Carlisle actually really enjoys fishing. Probably one of the reasons he and your dad get along so well. Anyway, one year we all decided that he needed his own Christmas tree in his study. He was consulting on a pretty big case at the time and if he wasn't at the hospital, he was cooped up in his study doing research and reading over medical reports. Edward and I felt bad that he wasn't getting to enjoy the Christmas decorations in the house, so we brought the decorations to him. Think Charlie will like them?"

"Without a doubt." I answered as I gazed at all the fishing themed ornaments and decorations that filled the box she was peering in to.

Angela and Rose were just as excited about opening the boxes as Alice. It made me smile to see how much fun my friends were having.

"This is incredible Alice. I mean, we decorate a little at Christmas but it's nothing like this. Just a tiny tree with a few ornaments. I cannot wait to help you out." Angela was saying.

"I know what you mean. Mom and I are too afraid to put too much effort into decorating. Too many oversized boys to deal with. We tried it once and nearly everything we set up was broken two weeks before Christmas. We decided it was too much wasted time and effort to do it again." Rose told us. Her family sounded large and rambunctious.

"What about you Bella?" Before I could answer, Jake started speaking.

"Oh, we had a blast decorating. One thing that you could always count on was Renee being even more excited than us kids." Jake chimed in as he brought in one more box.

"Of course, she got grand ideas in her head...and they always ended up just terrible. Bella was always left to fix it or clean it up."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"Two words...sugar snow!" Jake laughed and I groaned.

"Oh my god! That was just horrible. Renee got the idea that she wanted to set up a small Christmas village in our bay window. It had a window seat. She refused to use cotton as snow, wouldn't dream of using that white craft sand that sparkles, never even thought of using fake snow. Nope, she decided she'd use sugar...and mixed different colored glitter in with it. So let's forget for a moment the fact that sugar is extremely sticky, messy, and hard to clean up. Let's focus on the center piece she picked out. She decides to buy a village that had a working fountain, you know in the middle of the town square. Anyway, she didn't wait for me to get home to help set it up. Decided she could do it all herself. Well Renee has a problem with fully reading directions. She skims..very briefly, and then does it the way she thinks it should be done."

By this time Jake was already cracking up, remembering how this story ended.

"She did get everything set up and in place and it looked really nice, well from what I gathered from the pictures... anyway, it was really pretty until she turned the fountain on and lit a few candles to enhance the mood, as she proudly told me."

"When I got home from practice that day, I smelled something horrible. Renee, not noticing, started gushing about her Christmas village. She ushered me into the living room and I nearly had a heart attack. The water from the fountain had overflowed, she forgot to pull a piece from the hose that allowed the water to circulate, so it just filled up the the fountain and proceeded to turn the sugar that she used as snow into syrup. The candles she used were little tea lights and they weren't in any sort of candle holder...so they melted down, causing some of the sugar to burn. Ironically enough, the village she bought included a fire station...yep, it was just starting to catch on fire when I walked in."

"It took me forever to clean up the burnt and sticky sugar. It ruined the window seat. We had to have it replaced. She's lucky the house didn't catch on fire."

Everyone was enjoying a good laugh at Renee's expense. Jake then told about the time she decided to revolt against the commercialization of Christmas. He started the story but I finished it.

"She decided she wasn't going to play into any part of it. Except the eggnog. It just happened to be that she'd had a bit too much of her 'special recipe' eggnog when she came up with the bright idea. I woke up the next morning to the entire house decorated for Halloween. Don't ask me how it gets more commercial than Halloween, but in her mind, it made perfect sense. She had orange and purple lights strung everywhere, spider webs in the bushes and trees. She even managed to have pumpkins on the porch. I have no idea where she found the stuff or how she managed to decorate all by herself, but she did."

"Damn Bella, how did you turn out so normal?" Emmett asked between catching his breath.

"I don't have the slightest clue." I answered truthfully. "I guess I've always had a lot of Charlie in me. Plus Jake, Elizabeth, and Katie grounded me. Billy was there too. He always talked me down when it got to be too much to handle. But I can honestly say that I can top any story as long as Renee was and is involved." I laughed.

"You guys just wait until Christmas and Hawaii. But do not and I repeat...DO NOT try her special brownies. Charlie could arrest you if you did." Jake told them seriously.

"I have no comment other than I did not teach her that recipe." I defended. "I've never asked her where she got the recipe. I was scared that I could be charged as an accomplice."

By this time Carlisle and Esme had joined us and were joining in with all the laughter.

"Oh I can't wait to talk to Renee." Esme giggled.

"Well she'll have even more stories to tell you. Just ask her about her little foray into healing beads..."

"Oh dear." I heard Carlisle murmur. "That should be quite enlightening."

"Well yeah, as long as she doesn't try that shit on you." Jake grumbled while frowning, causing everyone to lose it again.

"You think I'm playing. I'm surprised I survived that phase. She was just discovering the power of the beads around the same time I inherited a bit of Bella's clumsiness. For a while there, it seemed that me and Bells were going head to head on injuries."

"I had forgotten that the two coincided. Seriously, you guys have no clue what poor Jake went through. He was such a trooper though. He wouldn't let Renee try any of that crap on me. He told her that she had to go through him first. Needless to say...I never experienced the beads."

"But it didn't take just one failed attempt to stop Renee. Oh no, she had different beads for different occasions and if that wasn't enough, there were different methods for applying and starting the so called healing. Took her roughly seven months to figure out it was a load of hog wash." Jake continued.

"She wrapped, pressed, draped, dragged, and dangled those beads over every cut, scrape, sprain, and sore spot I had. She even tried to get me to stuff a whole strand of them in my mouth when I got a cold. It was horrible."

By this time no one was able to hold back their tears of laughter.

"I think what finally did it for her was when I fractured my ankle. I was trying to learn how to skate board. I was doing really well and had managed to learn a few tricks. I was doing a simple kick flip when my board hit a rock, causing me to complete wipe out. My ankle was the victim of that fall. The doctor ended up putting me in a stabilizing boot versus a plaster cast. This was during the summer and I ended up staying with Bella and Renee for the first few nights. My dad was afraid that I'd need something and not be able to help me out."

"Jake woke me up screaming like a baby around 3:30 one morning. I rolled over to find Renee standing over him."

"She had managed to take off the boot and was wrapping those damn beads around my ankle while chanting. She jerked on the beads and I thought I was going to die."

"How did you manage to sleep through her taking the boot off?" Emmett asked.

"I was knocked out on pain killers. I'm typically a hard sleeper anyhow, but put me on pain killers and it's like trying to wake the dead."

"So how did that stop her bead healing attempts?" Angela piped in.

"Well when she jerked the beads that were wrapped around my ankle, the pain woke me up and on instinct...I kicked. To this day I'm still not sure what I hit, but I ended up in a plaster cast after that. The harsh impact of whatever I hit caused the fracture to become worse. My ankle still wasn't technically broken but close enough. The doctor decided that a cast was my best option. He also spent a good hour lecturing Renee on her attempts at alternative healing. Told her the next time she got a wild hair up her butt, to try it on herself and not someone who was truly injured."

Carlisle could do nothing but shake his head at my mother's absolute nonsensical behavior.

"But don't get me wrong. I love Renee. She is the closest thing to a mother I have. She might be flighty, crazy, and childish at times but I wouldn't give her up for anything. She certainly has made life interesting." Jake chuckled. I couldn't help but smile at his admission.

We spent the next hour going through all the boxes of Christmas decorations. After picking out what we were going to take to Charlie's, Alice started planning. She was really in her element. She took a bit of time to walk around the house, plotting where each decoration would work best. After she decided where things were going to go on the inside, she ventured outside. After walking around the property she declared that they would definitely need more lights and bows. She and Esme started making a list of things that needed to be picked up tomorrow while we were out getting the trees...yes as in many.

Edward and I decided to take a few minutes to ourselves and ventured to his piano. Together we played a few Christmas carols. Esme and Carlisle were floating in and out of the room singing to the songs we were playing. I finally decided I really did want to lay down, even if I didn't take a nap, I needed to rest.

"Edward, I'm going to go lay down for a bit."

He immediately closed the lid over the keys and stood up.

"You can stay here and play. I don't want you to feel like you have to join me."

"Are you crazy? I want nothing more than to steal a few minutes away with you."

By this time he was practically dragging me up the stairs to his bedroom. We passed Esme on the way up and she promised she'd let me know when she needed my help.

Once in Edward's room, both he and I got comfortable. He pulled on a pair of sweats and I slipped on one of his t-shirts. I crawled under the covers and he quickly joined me, covering my face in kisses.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." I responded and kissed him. We didn't take things any further but I was okay with that. Just being wrapped up in his arms was enough.

"This is nice, just laying here with you. No distractions and no disturbances."

"I know. I can't tell you how happy I am that my family loves you so much, but I'm a selfish creature and I've missed you. I'm warning you now that I'm going to steal you away at some point before we have to go back to school."

"I'm perfectly okay with that. I have a feeling that once we get back to Seattle, things are going to be a bit crazy. Between studying for finals, practicing for the Winter Concert, and getting ready for Christmas and our trip, I'm already tired just thinking about it."

"But just think. We get to relax in Hawaii for two weeks. Sun, sand, clear blue water, lots of fun...plus I get to see you in a bathing suit. I will gladly suffer through finals, practices, and chaos to get that prize." He smiled.

"Yeah, I think I can too." I said while propping myself up on my elbow. I crawled on top of him and began kissing him in earnest. "I love you Edward."

He moaned as I deepened the kiss and he returned it with equal ferocity. We finally broke apart when our bodies were screaming for air.

"I love you too Bella. More than I can tell you."

I snuggled into his chest while he ran his hand up and down my back. It didn't take long for me to drift into a light sleep.

"Esme, it looks wonderful in here." I exclaimed as I made my way into the dining room. Edward and I slept for about an hour before Esme called up to us. I quickly dressed and rushed down stairs. Edward was a bit more sluggish and decided to take a shower to help him wake up.

"Thank you dear."

"You didn't take your own advice and rest." I mock scolded.

"Actually I did. Carlisle did this."

"Wow, I'm impressed!"

"Let's put the finishing touches on everything and then you and I can get ready."

"That sounds great!"

We spent the next 45 minutes plating the food and warming what needed warming. Carlisle was busy carving the remaining turkeys and Alice was filling the glasses with ice. When every thing was as ready as we could get it, Esme and I quickly changed into our dinner clothes. Everyone was gathering in the dining room when I came down the stairs. Carlisle was lighting the candles that Alice has placed on the table and around the room. It was a breath taking scene. As formal and elegant as everything looked, the atmosphere was still warm and welcoming.

"This looks great!" Rosalie exclaimed as she glanced over all the food that we had prepared.

"I don't even know where to start." Jake whispered in awe. "There's so much to choose from."

"Is that...country ham?" Jasper asked almost shyly. I was actually surprised no one had mentioned it to him yet.

"It sure is! I hope I got it right." Esme answered, sounding a bit worried. "I've never had country ham so I wasn't quite sure what I needed to get. Bella and I did some research and decided on a Virginia Country Ham. I ordered two so you could take some back to school with you."

Jasper's smile said it all. "Thank you ma'am."

"We tried to make sure that everyone had at least one of their favorites on the table. Don't worry, the pumpkin cheese cake, pecan pie, and Hershey bar cake are in the kitchen

"You made pecan pie too? I don't think I'm ever gonna want to leave." Jasper drawled.

"Tell me about it. Ang, call the family and tell them I ran away or something." Emmett laughed. "Because I'm with Jasper."

We all laughed at Em as he patted his belly and nearly started to drool.

"Okay, well I know we are all hungry but I just wanted to take the opportunity to tell you all how happy Esme and I are to have each of you joining us for this holiday. We couldn't be more grateful that Alice and Edward have made such good friends. And it's no secret how ecstatic we are that Edward found Bella and Alice found Jasper. You two have made our children very happy."

"We hope that we will have many more chances in the future to have such gatherings as this one, with all of you. I know we've only know you all for a short time, but Carlisle and I already think of you as family. We always wanted a house full of children and it looks like we've finally gotten that wish." Esme smiled beautifully at all of us.

"This family has a tradition that we want to share with everyone and give each of you the opportunity to participate if you so choose. After dinner during dessert, we like to share what we are most thankful for. So while we are enjoying the delicious meal that has been prepared, be thinking about what that is to you." Carlisle finished with a short prayer of thanks and then we all loaded up our plates.

I only got a small spoonful of everything and I still didn't have enough room.

"Ohhh...y...osh...la." I heard Rose mumbled around a mouthful of food. I don't think I've ever seen her look so much like...well Emmett. She was shoveling the food in just as fast as he was. She swallowed the mouthful that she was attempting to talk around and then gave us a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, that wasn't very lady like. Guess Em's rubbing off on me. Bella, Esme, this is an incredible meal. And this is by far the best mac n cheese I've ever had."

"Just wait until Christmas dinner. That's where Esme really shines." Carlisle bragged.

"And this year she'll have Bella in the kitchen with her too. We may cause the plane to exceed it's weight limitations." Jake chuckled.

"Jasper, how is the ham? Did we pick the right one?" I asked, keeping my fingers crossed that we had succeeded.

By the looks of it, we had indeed succeeded. He has a piece of ham in his hand, a bite on his fork, and a bite in his mouth. He just nodded his head and kept on eating.

I was enjoying the food immensely. The turkey was amazing. Especially the fried turkey.

"Carlisle and Edward, this fried turkey is out of this world. Great job!"

Esme and I received multiple compliments throughout the meal. Edward kept looking at me and smiling. He finally leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"I love you. Thank you so much for spending Thanksgiving with me and my family." He kissed my cheek and then returned to his plate of food...his second one. I think Em and Jake were on their third. And I was positive that Jasper had eaten at least half a ham by this point.

Conversation flowed throughout dinner, mostly centered on school, finals, the Winter concert and the upcoming vacation/wedding. There was quite a bit of food left after everyone finally laid their forks down. I was in shock at how much food Jake and Em ate. But Angela surprised me too. I'd never seen her put away so much food. She just grinned at me.

After everyone was finished eating, the guys took care of clearing off the table. The girls worked on putting the leftovers away. No doubt we'd be feasting on those for the next few days...and happily might I add. With the exception of Emmett, everyone was too full to start on dessert, so we decided to lounge in the living room for a little while and let our food digest.

"Well since our eyes were obviously bigger than our stomachs, for most of us, what do you guys think about sharing what we are thankful for now?" Carlisle inquired. "We can get dessert afterwards."

"I think that's an excellent idea dear!"

Everyone was getting comfortable...for Emmett that meant unbuttoning his pants. Rose just shook her head at him but smiled. Edward and I curled up together in the oversized chair that I was threatening to take back to school with me. Jake plopped down on the floor and groaned a bit while holding his stomach.

"Why didn't you stop me?" He looked at me with pitiful eyes.

"Yeah right. The last time I attempted to do that, you almost stabbed me with a fork. Suck it up." I stuck my tongue out at him. Angela sat down beside him and started rubbing his belly. I swear I thought he was going to start kicking his leg like a dog. I was so happy that my best friend had finally found someone to make him happy. I was even more grateful that she didn't have a problem with our friendship.

Christmas music played softly in the background and there was a fire burning in the fireplace. I was surrounded by friends and wrapped in the arms of the man I loved. This was almost perfect. I soaked in all the good vibes that were flowing around the room and marveled at just how much my life had changed in two years. I had a lot to be thankful and grateful for. Carlisle took the lead once again.

"Again, I just want to express how thrilled Esme and I are to have you all in our home. You are all welcome here anytime, even if Edward and Alice aren't with you. I know that most of you are far from home and we would be honored if you would treat this like your home away from home. Esme and I are here for you if you ever should need us. We'd also like to extend the Cullen 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. If there is ever a time that you need help but can't or won't divulge the circumstances...call Esme or myself. You get one freebie. Alice and Edward can vouch for this." Carlisle smiled.

"Hell yeah Poppa C." Em yelled in reply. "You guys rock. Can you adopt me? Like, for real?"

"I'm sure your parents wouldn't put up a fight." Angela deadpanned. "They'd probably be grateful to get you off their hands." I couldn't hold back the laugh at the wounded look on Em's face. She just stuck her tongue out at him while he flipped her off.

"Now children..." Esme interjected, attempting to get everyone back on course while fighting a smile.

"Sorry Mama Esme." Em sulked. We all laughed while Esme beamed at the most recent term of endearment.

"If no one objects, I'd like to take my turn first."

"By all means dear. You have the floor." Carlisle grinned at his wife.

"As always, I'm so thankful for my wonderful family. I have an amazing husband who just happens to be an amazing father and he is also an exceptional doctor. My children are the light of my world and I wouldn't be who I am today without them. They are caring, compassionate, and have a strength about them that I am so proud of." She smiled at her family.

"We started this tradition the first Thanksgiving that Edward was officially with us, as our son. It was a difficult adjustment period for all of us as you can imagine. Edward was so young and had suffered greatly. We wanted him to feel like a real part of our family and not as if he were only an obligation. Once Alice joined us, we knew we needed to keep the tradition alive. Of course, on her first Thanksgiving with us, she spent twenty minutes telling us ALL the things she was thankful for." I couldn't help but laugh at the image of a young Alice bouncing in her chair, talking without taking a breath.

"Hey, I had a lot to be thankful for and I wanted to express it." She defended herself. I didn't know how much of her past that the others knew, but I knew and I could completely understand Alice's excitement and gratefulness for having a real home with a loving family.

"This Thanksgiving feels a lot like those first ones that we spent with Alice and Edward; full of anticipation and excitement. The past year or so has seen this family go through many trials. Although it was Edward who was most directly affected, our entire family felt his hurt and suffered our own as well. There were times that I was scared to death that I'd never see his smile, hear his laugh, or see the twinkle in his eyes ever again. It took a long while, but Edward finally started to heal but he wasn't the same. Sometimes I worried that he would never fully recover." She wiped tears from her eyes.

"We all tried to be there for Edward as much as he would allow, but there was a part of him that none of us were able to heal. But that all changed in August." Esme smiled at me and I blushed.

"Both of my children had life altering experiences when the school year started. Which leads me to what I'm most thankful for. While each of you have had such a wonderful and positive impact on my children and through them Carlisle and myself, Bella is who I am most thankful for this year."

"She befriended Alice in a way that no one ever has. I could tell that Bella was someone special the day she moved into the dorm. Alice called me to tell me that Bella was just as sweet and nice as her phone calls and emails had lead us to believe. I could hear the excitement in Alice's voice that is still there every time she speaks about Bella." Alice smiled at me while agreeing with Esme.

"Imagine my surprise when Edward let it slip that he had met someone. I was so relieved yet so worried what the outcome might be. So you can understand my complete and utter shock when that someone turned out to be Bella...Alice's Bella!" Everyone laughed, remembering the craziness that surrounded our first trip to Forks. I don't think we'll ever live down the whole 'Anthony Marie' debacle.

"Even before Bella and Edward figured out the truth behind Anthony and Marie, I could tell that something good was going on in Edward's life. For one, he started composing agin. I could hear a subtle relief in his voice when we talked on the phone. Even with everything that happened when they came face to face and realized the truth, I could see that a weight was being lifted from Edward's shoulders. After Bella and Edward talked things through, well the change was damn near miraculous."

"I am so grateful to have my son back and I know that I have Bella to thank for that. Before he met you Bella, he was getting better, but I don't know that he would have ever been whole again. You gave that to him and in turn gave him back to us. So thank you." I couldn't really say anything..I was trying to hard not to become a sobbing mess.

"I also want to say how thankful I am that both Edward and Alice have made such amazing friends. You guys have been there for our children and given them the friendships that they always craved but never were quite able to achieve. It is my greatest wish and desire that twenty years from now, even if the romantic relationships don't survive, that your friendships will still be intact and that you are all still nurturing and growing those relationships."

"But just so you know...Jasper, Bella. We approve whole heartedly." Carlisle laughed while Esme agreed.

Edward was being quite still and quiet during this whole time and I was starting to worry. I wanted to talk to him but Carlisle stopped me before I could.

"As always, I'm most thankful for my family. Esme, Alice, and Edward have made life worth living. They have given me the opportunity to be a husband and a father and I only hope that I have shown them the love and support that they have always shown me."

Edward and Alice both smiled at Carlisle while Esme gave him a big kiss.

"We love you too sweetheart. And we are so proud of you." She whispered. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"I just want to say that I agree with Esme. I feel that each of you have made a profound impact on both Edward and Alice. I'm more grateful than I could ever express that they have made such great friends. Again, I want to echo Esme's thoughts and feelings on how important Bella has become to us. Jasper as well. No pressure, but nothing could make us more proud or happier than to one day welcome the both of you to our family...in a more permanent way." He smiled, making both Jasper and I blush.

"I am also most grateful for the job opportunity I was given here in Forks. Edward and Alice would have met each of you regardless but I would have been left lacking. By moving to Forks I was given the great opportunity of meeting Charlie. Even if he isn't here to hear this, I still need to say it. He has done for me what you all have done for my children. He has offered me a genuine friendship. Not one based on the success of my career, or what I can do for you, or the opportunities my wealth can bring about. He offered his friendship, pure and simple. For once, somebody actually took the time to ask if there was anything that _they_ could do for _me_. I feel blessed that I was given the chance to meet Charlie Swan. The fact that he is Bella's dad only makes it that much better. And Jake, I just want you to know that I'm quite anxious to get to know your father. I have a feeling that the three of us will have many chances to get in trouble together." Carlisle grinned, making him look like a mischievous teenager.

"I'm sure of that. Charlie and my dad got into plenty of trouble when they were younger. So much so, my Aunt always had the spare bedroom ready and waiting for them. Renee was more forgiving than my mom was but I can't tell you how many times one or both of them ended up crashing at my Aunt's place. Some of the stories I've heard about those two...But let me give you a word of advice...don't ever let my dad talk you into seeing a wolf howling at the moon." He chuckled.

"OH MY GOD! How could I have ever forgotten about that!" I screeched through barely contained laughter. "I should also warn you about Charlie and his hidden handcuffs. Just don't...if he asks...actually you don't want to know..."

"Yes...we do." Came the consensus from our friends. Carlisle the most eager.

"Don't say we didn't warn you." I reminded them all. I let Jake tell the story because quite honestly, I knew I would never get through it...the mental images alone, well it was just better for Jake to tell the story.

"I think it's pretty safe to say that our dad's are quite thankful that Bells and I didn't take after them in their youth. I'm also certain that Charlie has used his position of power to make sure none of their youthful indiscretions ever turn up. The gave our grandparents grey hair way before they were due and I'm sure they caused premature wrinkling for both our moms. Even as grown men they tend to forget that they aren't teenagers anymore. You'll have to pry those stories out of them yourself, Carlisle. But I'll give you this one freebie.

"One weekend, my dad and Charlie went ice fishing. Bells and I couldn't have been much more than two or three. Anyhow, Charlie and Billy are always betting on something. Doesn't matter how big or small...and they rarely bet money. The wagers are usually based on masculine pride...testing nerves, or proving who is more worthy..."

"So they were gone on a weekend fishing trip and according to our moms...the taunting and betting started before they could even get in the car. Ice fishing for those two is more or less a game to see who can consume the most alcohol. They claim that the alcohol helps keep them warm thus keeping them from catching cold, in turn keeping them healthy." Jake rolled his eyes while Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"Oh dear lord..." Esme exclaimed. "I can already tell that you will be getting into trouble." She smiled indulgently as she gestured for Jake to continue.

"Anyway, no one really knows what the bet was, those two don't even remember, but when they came home, they had both acquired a tattoo and a the beginnings of frost bite...on their back sides. My dad's is a wolf howling at the moon. Use your imagination if you must. Charlie's is a pair of handcuffs...one on each cheek. The consequences of losing the bet was a tattoo...however, by the time they made it to the tattoo parlor, neither could remember who had actually lost. So they both pretty much said 'screw it' and decided to both go for it. As for the near frost bite...well lets just say, they had a difficult time sitting down for quite a while after they got home."

"Dad...maybe you should limit the time you spend with Charlie and Billy." Alice laughed.

"Are you serious? I think it's wonderful!" Esme spoke. "Carlisle needs to have some fun once in a while. I'll even keep bail money handy. Just try to keep the frost bite on the cheeks to a minimum please." She laughed.

"Again...can you adopt me?" Em asked. "You all have the coolest parents ever! Actually no need to adopt me, I think I'll just bounce around from house to house."

After calming down, we continued with what we were thankful for. Emmett decided he wanted his turn.

"Well I'm thankful for Bella's cooking." He smile at me and then looked around the room.

"Is that _ALL_ you're thankful for Emmett?" Rose asked cocking her eyebrow. He grinned at her, letting us know he was playing with her.

"Well...I didn't figure you'd want me to tell them how thankful I am for that thing you can do with you..."

It didn't take a genius to figure out what was coming next. Em even knew he was in for it, and ducked just in time.

"Just playing babe." He said while giving her his dimply grin. "I'm always telling myself how lucky I am to have you. I'm grateful you gave me the time of day, well everyday. I'm also feeling pretty lucky that I've met such wonderful people these last few months. I've had the 'college experiences' that people always talk about but I'm glad to be sharing them with people that I know will be a part of my life long after I get my diploma. Seems like Bella and Jake moving to Seattle was the catalyst for a lot of great things." He smiled at us. "Jasper, Edward, and Alice have given me friendships that I have always wanted and needed. Bells is the little sister I always wanted and Jake is my brother from another mother." He once again shot us his dimpled smile.

"I have to agree with Em on that one...boy would my mom have had her hands full with the two of us. Someone knew what they were doing by separating us while going through adolescents." Jake laughed.

"Good grief. Just thinking about having to put up with the two of you...I'm getting a headache just imagining it." I added.

"Lucky for you, you don't have to imagine it. You get to live it!" Emmett reminded me with a great burst of laughter.

"Yeah but at least now the two of you do have a little training and know when to behave...for the most part." I replied.

"Just wait until they are let lose on the unsuspecting people of Hawaii." Rose chimed in.

"Carlisle...you may want to take a few tranquilizers...I'm worried we may get kicked off the island otherwise."

"Angela! I'm shocked." Jake shrieked.

"What? I know the two of you...better pack double Dr. C."

We were all laughing at the exchange. It was so good to see Angela opening up and becoming more comfortable with the group. Out of all of us, she was the most shy and reserved. But what few realized was just how witty and sarcastic she could be. We were the lucky few that really got to see her true self. I was looking forward to our time in Hawaii.

Things were quieting down when Jasper cleared his throat. I could tell that he was slightly uncomfortable but he had such a determined look on his face that I knew it was important to him to say what was on his mind. Alice looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile before he continued.

"I just want to thank you, Carlisle and Esme, for including me and welcoming me so warmly into your home and lives. I also want to thank each of you, for accepting me so easily and allowing me the honor of getting to know each of you."

He swallowed hard before speaking again.

"Most of you don't know this, but I'm not very close with my family. I'll spare you the sob stories, the end result is the same whether I divulge the details or not. I will tell you that this is the first time I've not been alone for the holidays since I moved to Seattle. I haven't been home since I made the initial move. That's my choice but I've never even been asked if I was coming home. Before I started college, my holidays were spent pretty much the same way, alone. That however, was not by my choice."

I couldn't help the few tears that escaped. I knew that Jasper had issues with his family, but I didn't know the extent of them. I made up my mind that I would talk to him privately over the next few days, just to let him know I was willing to listen if he needed to talk. After all, he had been a shoulder for me quite a bit recently.

"I feel very grateful that I have been included and welcomed into such a large and loving family, because although the majority of us have no blood ties, this is a family. This is the type of family I always wanted but never imagined I would ever get to be a part of. The world works in mysterious ways. I don't know if any of you but Alice and Edward know this, but Edward and I weren't supposed to be roommates. It just so happened, my original roommate and Edward's original roommate are best friends. I was asked if I would mind switching rooms. I saw no harm in switching so I agreed. Turns out, it was the best decision of my life, so far."

"It lead me to meeting Edward, which lead me to meeting my Alice. She gives me a reason to smile and laugh each day, something that my life was mostly lacking. Through Edward and Alice I was given the pleasure of meeting the rest of the gang. I have learned so much from each of you. Strength, courage, compassion, sacrifice, determination, and love. I feel like I have a real purpose in life now. Each of you make me want to succeed and be better. So thank you, all of you, for making my life better." He smiled at each of us before kissing Alice on the head. All the girls were sniffing and all the guys were pointedly not looking at anyone.

Esme regained her composure first.

"Jasper, I'm so sorry for whatever it is that you have gone through but rest assured, I am so glad that you are now a part of our family. No matter what, you will always remain that way. If there is ever anything you need, please don't hesitate to lean on Carlisle and myself. That goes for all of you children." She beamed.

"Well I for one, will gladly take you up on that offer." Angela smiled. "I never thought I'd ever be grateful for having such uninvolved parents, but this year, well I am. My parents love me but we've always sort of done our own thing. Even holidays tend to be, well pretty bland. You've all allowed me and Em to see what a real holiday spent with family is like. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but we've never done anything traditional. Our family is loud, proud, and in charge. Anytime we get together...either the police get called or we end up in the ER." She and Em laughed together.

"Sounds like you two could entertain us with some stories of your own." Alice hinted.

"You have no idea. Some of the stuff our family gets into...well it's a miracle Em and I are so normal. God, I love them. But I can honestly say that I am enjoying spending this holiday away from home. You can only take so much craziness before you need a break."

"So, as unconventional and cold as it may sounds, that's one of the things I'm most thankful for this year...uninvolved parents. Because of that, I have been able to see what a real Thanksgiving should be and I have absolutely loved it. I cannot wait to see what else this weekend holds and I'm so giddy with anticipation for Christmas that I swear I'm channeling Alice at times."

"Hey! I'm just a happy person!" Alice defended.

"And I love you for it. The most important thing that I'm thankful for this year is new friends. Rose, Em, and I have been our own little group for so long. You may not think so but before you guys came along, it was typically just the three of us. Most girls shy away from Rose because they tend to be intimidated by her. Em's uber big heart and kindness make him an easy target for people to take advantage of, and that has happened on many occasions. And most people don't bother trying to get to know me. They take my quiet nature for aloofness. It's just nice to have friends who took the chance to get to know us. So thank you, to all of you. I feel like I've gained not just friends, but brothers and sisters."

"Emmett was spot on when he called Jake his brother. I never thought I'd ever meet anyone whose heart was as big and caring as Emmett's, but I did. Jake is the most caring person I have ever met and the most sacrificing. I've never met anyone like him and I feel very fortunate that he gave me a chance." She smiled adoringly at her boyfriend, my best friend. I was so happy that he had found happiness after everything I had put him through. He smiled back lovingly at her and I knew that he was finally happy and at peace.

We were interrupted by the door bell ringing. Esme excused herself to answer the door and I took the opportunity to escape to the kitchen to start fixing dessert plates for everyone. I kissed Edward quickly on the lips before moving from his lap.

"Hey, who want's dessert?" I yelled and in return heard multiple voices calling out orders. I managed to catch most of it...at least I hoped I did. But I was pretty sure I could figure out what each person wanted.

"Well I for one would love a piece of that Hershey Bar Cake."

"Dad! I didn't think you'd be by until later."

"Well the guys were so impressed with the spread that you and Esme made that they shooed me off early so I could enjoy some time with my wonderful daughter." He walked over to me and threw his arm around my shoulder, while squeezing me to him. "The green bean casserole was just as wonderful as I remember it. But I didn't have not one bite of dessert. I wanted to enjoy that with you and your friends."

"Get in line Chief." Emmett spoke up from the doorway. "Hey Bells, since mine and Jake's requests were for multiple helpings, we were sent to help you out." He laughed.

"Dad, take this piece and run...I don't want any fighting to break out with these two savages near by. i don't think they'd take mercy on you old man."

"I'm not old..." he scoffed. "Besides, I have reinforcement, I have handcuffs."

"Don't we know it." I heard Jake mumble, but Emmett wasn't so quiet about it.

"Yeah Chief, we've heard all about your handcuffs..."

It took him a moment, but realization soon dawned. I'd never seen my dad blush that profusely.

"It wasn't me...it was all Jake."

"Way to throw me under the bus Bells." Jake grumbled as my dad glared at him.

"Anytime. Now, do you want this plate of food I just fixed for you or would you rather stand there and pout all night?"

He swooped in a grabbed his plate closely followed by Emmett. Of course I had fixed him a plate as well.

"Next!" I yelled laughing at my dad's amused face.

Edward came bounding into the kitchen and quickly made his way to my side. Esme was right behind him.

"Hey Charlie. How did lunch go at the station today?" Edward asked.

"Excellent. All my deputies are in food induced comas right now. If anyone ever wanted to commit a crime in Forks and get away with it, well tonight's the night."

"I heard that Chief."

"Emmett...in addition to handcuffs...let me clarify that I mean real handcuffs, I also have pepper spray and a taser."

"Awesome!" He responded.

"There is something seriously wrong with that boy! Reminds me too much of me and Billy back in the day. Damn, I sure am glad I had a daughter."

Esme laughed while shaking her head. I smirked at my dad before answering.

"I'm sure you're much more grateful for being able to hide the evidence of past indiscretions."

"Smart ass, you know your old man much too well for my liking."

I saw Edward watching us out of the corner of my eye. He had a serene look on his face. He caught me and smiled.

"Need some help?"

"Well I'm pretty sure neither your mom nor I will turn down an extra pair of hands."

"I second that. Coffee and hot chocolate are almost done. Edward, be a dear and carry this tray of cups to the living room for me. Charlie, feel free to make yourself at home. Everyone is gathered in the living room. We were just partaking in a Cullen family tradition. You are certainly welcome to join in."

"Thank you Esme. Bells, can I have a piece of pecan pie now?" I looked at his now empty plate and laughed. "Sure dad...want a sample of pumpkin pie cheesecake too?"

"Well, if you insist." He grinned.

I loaded up his plate before I continued slicing the pies and cake. Once all the plates were filled, I placed them on two serving trays that Esme had pulled from her magic pantry. I swear, she had any and everything you would ever need to make cooking and serving easier in that room.

"Let me take one of those for you. Mom just took the coffee and hot chocolate out. I made her sit down and relax."

"You're a good son Edward. Thanks for the help today. I know she appreciates it."

"Me...I've done very little today, but you on the other hand. I'm surprised you haven't fallen out yet."

"I'm good. I promise. But I do intend to be very lazy for the rest of this vacation. Now, grab that tray. I think we all need to put a little more food in our stomach's tonight."

"I don't think that will be a problem for anyone. This all looks amazing."

Everyone enjoyed dessert immensely...some many times over. I was glad for the little break we were given by Charlie's arrival. I had a feeling that 'what we were thankful for' was going to get emotional, very emotional for some of us.

I was in the middle of my cheesecake when the house phone rang. I wasn't paying much attention until I heard my mom's voice.

"Happy Thanksgiving everyone!"

"Mom?" I asked while looking around the room for her.

"Hey baby. Phil and I just wanted to call to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving."

Although I knew she wasn't there, my heart still sank a bit. When I first heard her voice, although I knew she wasn't here, I was hoping. I nearly started crying. Edward, being Edward and knowing me so well, pulled me close. I noticed Jake had made a move to come to me as well but I shook my head and gave him a watery smile.

"So, did you cook for Phil?" My dad asked while suppressing a laugh.

"Of course I did! I even made dessert. We're having brownies right now."

Everyone started laughing at her admission.

"Would those be your special brownies Renee?" Jake asked.

"What other kind do I make?"

"Mom, dad is in the room."

"Pssss...who do you think gave me the recipe?" She laughed.

I was in shock.

"RENEE! Don't tell her those lies."

"Lies? What lies?"

"I did not give you that recipe. Billy did." He stated with smug grin on his face. Jake nearly fell out of his seat.

"Same difference." I heard her mutter.

Once he picked his jaw off the floor, Jake whipped out his cell phone and soon Billy was joining in on the conversation. I had a sudden regret that he wasn't here with us, but I knew he was where he needed to be today.

"Charlie...how could you rat me out in front of my kids. You old geezer you just wait. I've got stories about you that our sweet Bells would never believe. But luckily for you...I have quite a bit of photographic evidence!"

"You wouldn't..." Charlie threatened.

"Oh yes I would." Billy laughed.

"Well your dear son has already informed all present about the tattoos..."

"Jake!" Billy shouted.

"Brownies!" Jacob retorted. We all heard Billy laugh. And that was saying something because the entire room were suffering from fits of giggles.

"Frost bite!" My dad yelled only causing us more laughter.

"Some things never change." I heard Renee say with a fondness in her voice I hadn't heard in years. She really did still love my dad, but now it was in a way that was healthy for all involved.

"And I hope they never do." My dad responded.

"Okay, enough mushy sh...stuff." Em correctly quickly. I want to hear more about the Chief here.

The conversation went way down hill after that. Emmett was eating it up and I was a bit scared that he was taking notes for later. Charlie and Billy together is bad enough. When Jake is with them, there are no words...add in Carlisle and there could be real trouble. If Emmett fell in with them, well I don't know if we'd have enough bail money. I had to agree with Angela and Rose...Hawaii just isn't prepared. Thirty minutes later the three way phone call ended. Phil even joined in and shared a few stories of his own, things I'd never heard. I never even considered him getting involve in all the antics, but now...well let's just say anytime our entire family gets together, memories will definitely be created.

There wasn't a dry eye in the place by the time all the phone calls ended. It was just the break we all needed. Esme and I made more hot chocolate for everyone before getting comfortable in the living room. Rose indicated that she would continue.

"What I'm thankful for this year is something that most people take for granted and never even really think about, being accepted. Angela mentioned earlier how the three of us have never really had very many close friends. She's right. Growing up, I had a hard time making friends and it has continued throughout my life. I don't know why but people tend to be intimidated by me. I don't know if it's my looks, confidence, the air of bitchiness I put off'...but the point is, I don't have a lot of friends, especially girlfriends. Bella and Alice never even hesitated to get to know me."

"I may come across as vain, arrogant, standoffish, or whatever, but that is not who I am. I've just developed a thick skin over the years. But now I finally found a group of people that I fit in with, that accept me for me with no preconceived thoughts or without any expectations. It's very freeing." She smiled.

"I also want to thank the Cullen's for allowing me to be a part of your family holiday. And to Bella and her family, thank you for inviting me along for the wedding. It's a wonderful feeling to be included."

"Hey what about me?" Emmett whined, such a big baby.

"You big lug...yes I'm thankful for you as well. You've helped me learned that it doesn't matter what others think of me, taught me it's better to be my true self than what others want me to be, and you've given your big heart to me." He beamed while she kissed his cheek.

Their relationship was like one I'd never witnessed before, well not exactly. From what I remember, they were a lot like Renee and Charlie, when their marriage was still happy. From the far away look my dad had in his eye, I suspected he was thinking along the same lines as well. I really did hope he meet someone to share his love with. He had so much to give.

"My turn!" Alice squealed. She was once again bouncing up and down. She was the most happy person that I had even known. I doubted I'd ever meet anyone else like her either. She was just...Alice.

"Every year my list is pretty much the same. This year is no different, I just have a few additions. First of all, I just want to thank my mom and dad for bringing me into their home, lives, and hearts all those years ago. They rescued me from a life of grief, despair, poverty, neglect, hunger, and a life with no love, hope, no future. It is because of them, as well as Edward, that I have become the person I am today. With their help, I have been able to overcome my past and look at all the great things life has to offer. I know this is going to sound completely crazy, but in a way, I'm glad for the life I had before meeting the Cullen's, because without that beginning, I would have never been granted the blessing of knowing them and becoming part of their family. I am proud to be Alice Cullen."

It was hard to miss the looks of utter despair on Esme and Carlisle's faces as they remembered the circumstances that brought Alice into their lives. I was pretty sure that Jasper knew about Alice's past, but I didn't think Rose, Em, Angela, nor Jake knew much more than she had been adopted. I made a mental note to make sure Alice knew just how much she had helped me in facing my demons. If not for her, I don't know if I could have done it so soon.

"This year I'm beyond thankful for such awesome roommates. It's no secret that last year was a sheer disaster in that area. I was so nervous about living with strangers this year but I convinced myself that I needed to try. I wasn't ready to close myself off from potential friendships just because I had a bad experience. Angela, Rosalie, and Bella are the best roommates anyone could ask for. They are more than just my roommates, they are my friends...and family. Bella is the sister I always wished for. She has helped me in ways she doesn't even know..."

She stopped to compose herself because she had started crying.

"On that note, we'll talk later Bells." She smiled at me before continuing. "Rose and Angela have become like sisters to me as well and I love them both dearly."

"I feel I've gained two more brothers in Jake and Emmett. Of course no one will ever replace Edward. Sorry guys, but that's just the way it is."

"I'm super thankful for getting my brother back this year. Like Esme, I was worried I'd never see happiness and contentment in his eyes again. But Bella was all it took. I'm glad for the whole Anthony/Marie fiasco. They were able to meet and start forming their relationship without me...and mom, meddling. I think, no...I know, if I had been the one to make introductions that things would have taken much longer to progress. I know Bella and Edward pretty well and I'm positive that he would have stayed quiet because she was my roommate and best friend and she would have done the same because he was my brother. There is no telling how long they would have stayed 'friends' just to not rock the boat. They also needed to make a connection with each other on their own terms."

I had to agree with her, she had us pegged pretty good.

"She knows us well." He whispered, making me laugh. It truly is scary how often we are on the same page without even speaking.

"So this year I got my brother back, saw my parents truly happy for the first time in a year, made great new friends, and gained an even larger family. That alone is too much to ask for, but to top it off. I met my soul mate. I know without a doubt that Jasper and I were made for one another. He makes me smile, makes me laugh, calms me down, makes me feel special...like I'm the center of his universe. He makes me feel even more loved and worthy than I ever thought possible. I have so much to be thankful for this year and I hope that every year here after is just as wonderful."

"I'm quite hopeful of that dear!" Esme beamed. "I see nothing but good things for us in the upcoming year."

"Well any year that starts off with all of us vacationing in Hawaii is a good year in my book." Carlisle agreed as did everyone else. I decided to take my turn since the atmosphere seemed light. I thought it may help me to keep my composure a bit.

"I'd like to go next, if that's okay with everyone." No one objected so I took a cleansing breath before beginning. "First of all I want to thank Esme and Carlisle for not only opening their home but their hearts. You are such positive role models for everyone around you. I was thinking earlier that if the world had more people like you, it would be such a better place. I'm also thankful for the friendships that you have given my parents. Whether near or far, both my mom and dad have benefitted greatly from you two."

I took a breath, knowing that I'd be talking for a while.

"Please forgive me if I get too lengthy but I have quite a bit to be thankful for this year. In the past two years my life has been one hell of a roller coaster. Last Thanksgiving was especially difficult for me. I was in a very bad place. I believe I was in a darker place then than I was right after Elizabeth was killed and Katie and I were injured." I heard a two sharp intakes of breath and knew it was my dad and Jake. Even after all the therapy and progress I had made, speaking so bluntly about what happened was out of character for me.

"Their reactions should tell you a lot. A year ago I was in a constant state of denial, not wanting to accept the way things were. I never said Elizabeth's name. Barely even allowed myself to think her name, much less about her. I closed myself off from Katie and pretty much everyone else. The exceptions were my mom, dad, Jake, and Phil to some extent. I was not a whole person. I was not well...physically, mentally, or emotionally. At that time, I honestly didn't care if I lived or died." I felt Edward's arms tighten around me and I knew if I looked at Jake or my dad, I would lose it. I knew I couldn't handle seeing the pain and anguish that their faces would hold.

I could hear sniffling around me and knew that Esme and Alice were most likely shedding tears on my behalf. I couldn't look at them either.

"With the love and support of my family, especially Jake, I was able to see that just because this tragedy had visited my life, didn't mean I had to stop living. Slowly I started to pull myself back together. It took a long time before I actually embraced life again. Reconnecting with Katie and getting through James's trial were big steps, but Jake was the biggest push. I would have been content to stay in Phoenix but Jake wouldn't allow that. He knew that if I stayed in Phoenix, I'd be giving up my dream. So, instead...he gave up his."

I saw Jake shaking his head at me.

"Jake. Stop. You and I both know what you gave up but I promise, I no longer feel guilty about it. I am beyond grateful. I just want you to know how much your friendship means to me. I don't know that I could actually tell you...there aren't words enough in any language to convey what your friendship, love, and support mean to me."

"I know Bells." He assured me with a smile.

"I knew moving to Seattle would force me to start moving on, but I was ready for that step. The decision to accept my scholarship and move is what really pushed me into therapy. I was prepared to struggle with the past, with moving away from home, with being mostly alone. I was not prepared to meet all of you...and you guys have been the best thing that could have happened to me."

"Each of you have helped me to gain the strength and courage to finally confront the past. Before moving to Seattle, I just wanted to forget about the past, not deal with it. But each of you helped me to realize that forgetting about it was not the same thing as moving past it. Alice and Edward really helped me to figure out that before I could completely heal, I had to meet the demons head on. If not, I'd never fully recover."

"I'm not quite where I want to be yet, but I'm much closer than I ever thought I'd be at this point. So this year I'm thankful for strength, courage, inspiration, and support."

"Dad...I love you so much and I'm so happy to be living so close to you now. I'm also extremely excited about living with you this summer. The rest...well, we'll talk later." I wanted to talk to him, tell him how much he meant to me, but I couldn't do that with an audience. For both his comfort and mine.

"I'm also feeling pretty lucky that I have made such wonderful, albeit at times, crazy friends. You each have such a zest for life, it makes me even more eager to live mine. You make things fun and fun was something that has been missing from my life for some time. I've actually become fond of shopping..."

This made Alice squeal.

"When I think of everything you have all done for me in the past few months, it's a wonder I've had time to get any work done. So far my semester has been filled with road trips, birthday celebrations that last for days, drum lessons, paintball, being kidnapped, arcade runs, time spent in the park, shopping, concerts. I've even managed to get some work done. But it's what I needed. I needed to be forced into fun, forced into acting my age. Everything has become better and brighter because of each of you. Even music had more meaning to me now. I am enjoying it so much more now that I have Edward with me."

"Edward...well I just want to let you know that you were my biggest inspiration. You made me see just exactly how much I needed and wanted to move on. You gave me the extra boost, courage, and strength I needed to get through that trip to Phoenix. I'm forever grateful to you and for you. I'm so very lucky that you are in my life." I smiled at him while attempting to keep the tears from falling. I would tell him later, in detail, just how much I loved him. He squeezed me to him whispering his love for me in my ear.

"Finally...yeah I know, told you I had a lot to say. I want to thank Angela. You have not only been a wonderful friend to me, but a wonderful girlfriend to Jake. You have given me your compassion and support and never once made an issue of how close Jake and I are. Without jealously, hesitation, regret...you allowed yourself to love Jake and allow and even encouraged mine and his relationship. Jake has had very few girlfriends because they could never cope with our friendship. It was their lose and they weren't good enough for him anyway. But you, you are perfect for him. I'm so glad my best friend has finally found someone that makes him so happy."

She was beaming as was Jake.

"I'm pretty happy about that too. I didn't think I'd ever find someone that would be so accepting and supportive of mine and Bells relationship. But Angela understands."

"Of course I do. People are crazy if they can't see how important you two are to each other. I'd be an idiot to try to come between that. But honestly, that was one of the biggest draws as well. Seeing that much loyalty between friends was inspiring. You have a big heart Jake, big enough to hold multiple people. I wouldn't want to take that away from you."

See...perfect for him. Jake actually blushed a bit.

"So, it's pretty obvious why I'm so thankful for Ang. Like each of you, I'm also thankful for new friendships. I didn't have a very large group of friends back in Phoenix, but the ones I had, we were extremely close. I was dreading moving away from my friends but knew that I would be okay as long as Bells and I were in it together. Like her, I wasn't expecting a pretty much ready made group of friends. I can't tell you how glad I am that Em didn't hesitate to room with an underclass. He saved me from hell."

We all laughed at the memories of Mike. After a short explanation to the parents, that had them laughing as well, he continued.

"To get a bit serious for a moment, I'm most grateful for steps forward, progress, and recovery. And that doesn't just pertain to you Bells. Of course you are a big part of that. I'm so relieved that I'm getting my friend back. I was so scared for so long that you'd never fully recover. I can admit that now. Then, I didn't want to accept that fact. Bella likes to say and likes to think that I moved here just so she would, but the truth is that I moved for me too. I needed a change. I needed to get away as well. We both needed a new start, a fresh perspective. And we got it. I don't regret the decision for a moment."

"Meet everyone here was just the icing on the cake. We took the steps forward but it is due to each of you that progress was made. For me, it was making a new group of friends who accepted me for me. For Bella, it was meeting Alice and then Edward that pushed her forward in her progress. After they shared their pasts with her, Bella made the decision to stop existing and start living. Thank you so much for being that catalyst."

"I'm also thankful that my dad has made the decision to move back to La Push. He's been struggling for years with his decision to return home, but he held out because he knew I wouldn't want to leave. That was another deciding factor in my choice of schools. It's also taken a very long time to be able to think of La Push as his home, without my mom being there. So he has also been taking steps to move forward. It seems that he has finally gained the courage to take that last leap. Since I'm no longer at home with him, he needs his tribe now more than ever. Charlie too for that matter. The fact that Bells and I will be so close will only seal the deal."

"Like Bells said earlier, this Thanksgiving, life is completely different than last year. I could go on and on and talk all day about what I'm grateful for, but it all boils down to family, friends, love, and support. Without those, none of us would be where we are at this moment. And from where I'm sitting, this moment is pretty damn great." The exuberant smile on his face was further proof that Jake wasn't just happy...he was ecstatic.

"Couldn't have said it better myself Jake. Things are looking pretty terrific and I have a feeling that from now on, things are going to continue to get even better. I have my daughter back...not just physically but in every way. She's moving past the trauma of the last two years, she's physically close by, she's happy and living again. I have Jake back as well and up until recently, those two kids were the only ones I had to worry about, in a good way. Now I feel like I've adopted six more worry spots...and I love each one of them.

"Edward, I can't thank you enough for giving my baby the push she needed. I couldn't ask for anyone better for my Bells." I could feel the happiness rolling off Edward from my dad's words.

"Billy is moving home. I've made a wonderful friend in Carlisle who I hope will become just as good a friend to Billy as he has become to me. I'm looking forward to our upcoming adventures. My ex wife is getting married..."

We all laughed at that. He laughed too but then got serious.

"Hey, I'm happy for Renee. We finally have the relationship we were always meant to have. I don't regret the time I spent with Renee, it brought me Bella. But we are better friends for each other than we ever were husband and wife. She deserves her happiness and I don't grudge her that. She's found it with Phil and he is a good man. He stuck by Renee and Bella, even with all the craziness that was going on. He was there when I couldn't be. That alone would make him aces in my book. But he went above and beyond. I don't even know if Renee and Bella realize how much help he was during that time."

I made a mental note to talk to my dad about that.

"So yeah...Jake was right. Things are pretty damn good right now and I'm looking forward to seeing what the future brings...for all of us."

"I can drink to that." Carlisle grinned while lifting a glass of Scotch that I hadn't seen previously. Charlie tipped one back as well. Where did that come from? I looked over at Esme and she just winked at me. Yep, she is super hostess.

"Well, I guess that leaves me." Edward spoke up.

"My list is pretty much the same every year and has been since my first Thanksgiving with Esme and Carlisle. But no matter how many times I repeat the list, it isn't any less sincere and heart felt than it was that first year. I will forever be grateful and blessed that they saw fit to bring me into their family when my parents died. Yes, they were already family but they didn't have to do what they did. They opened their hearts and home to me and never made me feel like I was only with them out of obligation due to our relation. They took me in knowing it was going to be difficult. They lost loved ones too when my parents died, so they were grieving as well."

"I was never made to feel like anything but their son...their son by choice not by court order. That made all the difference in the world to me. They helped me get through that extremely difficult time in my life. I love them more than I can say. I'm thankful for their continual love and support no matter the situation or circumstances. I know that they will always be there for me no matter what life brings."

"Alice always makes the list too. She and I formed a bond before the ink was even dry on her adoption papers. As much as she says we helped her, she helped us. She made me laugh again. She brought an atmosphere of happiness and light with her when she came to live with us. We all needed that in the wake of my parents deaths."

"We've suffered through rough years together before but the last year for me has been one of the hardest. Nothing to the extent of what Bella went through, but I had my own personal demons to face...as did my family. Like Bella I was moving through life, existing, until a brown eyed brown haired girl name Maria stumbled into my life."

We all started laughing at the look on Edward's face. We would truly never live that down. But I didn't want to. That decision did and continues to bring me a world of happiness. I'm looking forward to telling my grandchildren that story. And did I just think about grandchildren...Edward was laughing at the look on my face. I'd have to share that with him later.

"That's when I started living again. As much confusion as it caused, I'm grateful for the whole name thing. Alice was pretty spot on with her theory. If we would have known who the other was, things may have taken a lot longer to get to where they are now. Had I known she was my sisters roommate and best friend, I would have proceeded with much more caution."

"I've gained a wonderful group of friends this year and that's something that's new for me. Growing up I had friends but not relationships, for lack of a better word. I have that now. I didn't realize that it was missing from my life until I met each of you. Despite what my family tells you, I was always a brooding bastard with emo ways growing up and I'm still the same way today. You've all seen that. I tend to over think and lock myself away when things get too complicated. But with each of you, especially Bella, 'that' Edward is starting to disappear. I like the person I am becoming."

"As terrible as the situation with Jessica was, in a way, I'm glad it all happened. It brought my family and I closer together and taught me that they would stand by my side no matter what. It's also helped me to deal with lingering issues of my parents passing that I didn't even realize I had. But the best thing it brought me was Bella. It's scary to think, but had Jessica not betrayed me like she did, we could have spent god knows how much time just being nice to one another and ignoring the bigger issues we had. I don't want to think what my life would be like today if that was the path I stayed on."

"Me either." I whispered but everyone heard me anyway and laughed.

"Alice and Jessica would have remained roommates to make me happy no matter how miserable they were together. Alice would have missed out on rooming with Bella. I doubt Carlisle and Esme would have ever decided to move to Forks. They were content in Alaska, not happy, but content. It wasn't until I started having problems that they seriously considered moving. Jasper and I would have never been roommates and that would have hinder him meeting Alice."

"I'm sure we would have all crossed paths eventually, but there is no telling how long that would have taken and how much we would have all missed out on. So as bad as that situation was for me and my family...without it, I don't think I'd be as happy with my life as I am right now. Like Bella, I'm not quite where I want to be but I'm pretty damn close. I have new friends, a wonderful and supportive family, but most importantly, I have someone special in my life who loves me for me...loves me for just being Edward. And that's the best feeling in the world."

He had no idea. I felt the same way. I had Edward and he loved and accepted me just as I am...scars, demons, and all. I gave him a kiss, ignoring the hoots and cat calls of those around us. I even heard my dad ask Carlisle for another drink. But I could tell he was smiling. I could hear Esme sniffling behind me and looked up. She bent down to whisper in my ear.

"Thank you Bella. I want you to know I love you like you're my own. I can never thank you enough for what you've done for my family."

"I love you too Esme. Thank you for raising such an amazing son." I replied quietly while Edward beamed at the two of us. But then raised my voice so all could hear. "Now, let me help you clean up the dessert mess so we can relax. I'm sure Alice isn't going to allow much of that tomorrow."

"You've got that right. I've got big plans for us tomorrow." She grinned.

"Well not too big. I promised Renee that Bella would rest while she was on break." Esme reminded Alice.

"Oh, I hadn't forgotten. Trust me. She will be plenty rested and pampered by the time we leave for Seattle on Sunday."

I started to climb out of Edward's lap but he stopped me.

"Let me help my mom, you stay here and rest."

"But..."

"No buts. Except yours in this chair. I mean it."

"You are such a goof." I stuck my tongue out at him. He smirked before leaning down to me.

"Maybe, but you better keep that tongue in your mouth...at least until...later."

Swoon...I just swooned, and I'm sitting down. How the hell does he do that?

Surprising, all the guys chipped in to clean up the rest of Thanksgiving. My dad and Carlisle disappeared into his office...probably topping off their drinks. While the guys were cleaning, the girls picked out a movie. Alice limited our choices to Christmas themed movies.

We were trying to decide between 'Elf', 'Christmas Vacation', and 'A Christmas Carol' when my dad walked into the living room.

"Hey kiddo, I've got to get going. I have to work tomorrow."

"I'm glad you were able to come by tonight dad. Think I could steal some time with you before I go back to Seattle? I'd really like to talk." I smiled at him.

"How about we sneak away for a bit on Saturday while we're down at La Push?"

"That sounds great." I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I love you daddy."

"I love you too Bells. I'm so happy that things are getting better for you." He said through shining eyes.

"You girls stay out of trouble. I don't want to have to perform a jailbreak in the middle of the night."

"Don't you think you should be talking to Emmett Chief." Rosalie asked.

"Pffftt...I know who the real brains behind the brawn is missy. Now, I'll see you all tomorrow." He kissed all the girls on the tops of our heads before telling the boys, Carlisle, and Esme goodnight.

"You're dad is totally a DILF." Alice squealed. While Rose agreed.

"It's the uniform." Angela giggled while she pretended to faint.

"You girls are crazy. I do agree that my dad is very handsome, but can we not talk about his DILFness?"

We were all giggling like teenagers when the guys came back into the living room. They just shook their heads at us, completely used to our giggle fits by now.

"So what movie did you ladies pick out." Edward asked after our laughter calmed a bit.

"We couldn't decide between these." Alice answered while pointing to our final choices.

"Well that's easy! Come on Bells, we can't break tradition. it has to be Christmas Vacation. Every Thanksgiving Katie, Elizabeth, Bells, and I would have a sleepover and every single year we'd start our movie marathon off with Chevy Chase."

"Well then Christmas Vacation it is then." Em said as he put the movie in the player. "Besides, that's one of my favorites." He grinned.

I smiled thinking about just how far I had come in a year. I missed Elizabeth terribly but I knew she wouldn't want me to stop living. She was't the only one I missed.

"Will you guys excuse me for a moment? I need to make a phone call. Jake, wanna come with me?"

"Sure Bells." He knew.

"I'll be right back." I told Edward as I kissed his cheek.

"Tell Katie I said 'hi'. Take your time, I'm not going anywhere." And I heard the promise in his voice.

Jake and I went to Edward's room and I put my phone on speaker. I had talked to her several times since my trip to Phoenix but this phone call felt different...more important. It was another step forward, for all of us. Last Thanksgiving, none of us were in a good place. This Thanksgiving, things were drastically different. The three of us had all made significant steps in the grieving process. This Thanksgiving was a new beginning.

"Hey guys!" Katie's cheerful voice echoed through the room. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Did you stuff yourself this year?" Jake asked.

"Don't I always. Actually I was getting ready to call you two. I'm getting ready to watch Christmas Vacation."

"Us too." Jake and I replied in unison. We were all quite for a few minutes just absorbing.

"I went to see Elizabeth today. I noticed there were already flowers from you and Jake. They were really pretty."

"We picked them out on line and had Renee pick them up for us and take them to her."

"So tell me all about your vacation so far." She begged. So Jake took a few minutes to fill her in on everything.

"I can't wait until Christmas. I'm so excited to meet all these new people. I feel like I know them already."

"They're excited to meet you too."

I hadn't said much during the conversation thus far. I was just taking in the moment. Thinking back on what had been lost but also focusing on the future and imagining all the wonderful things that were ahead of me, ahead of all of us.

"Bells?" I heard Katie's concerned voice.

"I'm here. Sorry, just lost in thought."

"You? That never happens does it?"

We all laughed because, yeah, I've been doing that since the day we met.

"Shut up." I laughed.

"As I was saying while you were apparently spaced out...I miss you sweetie."

"I miss you too Katie Bug. Give your mom and dad a hug for me. I can't wait to see you all in a month. Can you believe it? We are actually going to get to spend Christmas together."

"Screw Christmas. I'm ready for Hawaii."

We talked for a few minutes about the upcoming trip and how excited her family was to be joining us. I also told her just how excited our friends were to meet her. We talked about school for a bit and about the boy she was interested in. Of course Jake played the big brother role and demanded to know all about him and then proclaimed that he had to meet this guy before anything serious could develop. Katie filled us in on some progress she was making in therapy. Basically, we were just enjoying each others company.

"So Bella, how are you doing?" She asked and I heard the multiple layers that that question contained. I didn't hesitate to answer.

"I'm doing great! Really great. Better than I've been in a very long time." I answered with a smile.

"Yes, I think you are." She answered back while Jake pulled me into a hug.

What a difference a year can make. We all had so many things to be thankful for and we all had and abundance of blessings to count.

"I think we all are doing just fine." Jake interjected.

"And we are going to continue to do just fine. As long as we have love and hope, things will be okay." Katie said.

I couldn't agree more.

**A/N: So what did you think? The rest of Thanksgiving break and the weeks leading up to Christmas will be next!**


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